ILONA ANDREWS

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author

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  6. Rofl, I’m crying… please help. My husband wants to call an ambulance to take me to mental institute.🤣🤣🤣

  7. Growing up we often lived with my aunt (really my mom’s friend) and her 4 kids. That made 9 girls, plus my mom and aunt and 1 boy. You can’t believe how much a pack of girls can fight… and how much they can come together to make sure anything like the toilet overflowing was always the BOY’S fault. Poor Scott got blamed for every stinky bathroom mess under the sun… and there’s no way he could have done half of them…
    He never really had any privacy… except he got his own room. The rest of us shared. But if he was in the shower in the only bathroom, girls walked in all the time “I’m peeing. Stay in there.” And he did. Poor guy.

    • This was my house! 6 girls 1 boy. Most of us were half siblings but my mom wanted us to know each other. Anyway bro got blamed for lots of toilet mishaps, and yeah he had no privacy, until my mom remodeled and put a wall up between toilet and bathroom.

    • + 1,
      …still in the throes of a fit of laughing and ouch, ouch, ouch and I was just operated for dental implants (shouldn’t be laughing so hard, ouch, ouch, ouch)

  13. That’s hysterical! We were at a fellow employees home many years ago and the toilet would not flush unless you filled the pitcher sitting on the tank top and poured it into the bowl to force flush. As it was a party, a note would have been nice.

  15. Thank you very much for the “Do Not Drink” warning. Priceless! I needed a laugh on such a dreary, wet day (and they say we’re to get snow tomorrow!” ugh.

  16. Shared. With everyone I have ever known (contacts on phone I actually speak to). Because Andrew deserves some justice, his voice needs to be heard.

  17. Hey, I’m a horrible person, too. Why? Because Andrew went out and got drunk and got blamed for something he didn’t do because he was too drunk to know for sure that he didn’t do it, and I am laughing hysterically about it!

    When there are people in the house who don’t live there and a toilet doesn’t work, a sign should be plastered on the door, on the mirror, on the sink, and on the toilet saying “NO! DON’T USE THIS TOILET!” Those people deserved a shit-stained wall at the back of their house!

    Moral of the tale: If you don’t want to see a shit-stained back wall on your house after your son goes out and gets drunk while his sister has an overnight party with her girlfriends, quit smoking and stay in the house!! Otherwise, you’ll be hearing everyone laugh about it all over the world when the story makes its debut on the internet.

  18. OK, tears in my eyes. Honestly though, if Andrew was too drunk to remember, he might have needed that. Better to learn early the consequences of blackouts. Speaking from bitter experience, it could have been so much worse.

  21. My silly stories..babysitting. #1. I am 11, and watching 5 neighbor kids on farm, 1961. The 4 year old coming running in yelling he hurt his huckleberries.
    Took ten minutes to discover his testicles were huckleberries.
    #2. 8 or 9. helping a neighbor mom with 4 year old. Girl starting crying and hiding, locked us in her room. Finally learn, she passed gas and it stained her underpants.
    So mom is yelling through door, what happened?? Kid sobbing. I am yelling back my family word for passing gas .she had a boozer.
    She had a boozer. a BOOZER. Mom freaking. I forget what else happened. I think we unlocked the door and my own mom was forced to admit the word fart existed. Mom once told my mother in law she gave her hair a blow job every morning.
    The 1950’s rural life.

  22. Sent this everyone I knew and I got back many instances of humiliating experiences at public/someone’s house. Thanks Ilona for the funnies!!

  23. It started with a letter and a ten year old kid, so I assumed it might be something related to Harry Potter… and WTF! LOL! Thank you for the warning about not drinking LOL

  24. I’d love to know if Andrew or his family read this and what their reaction was to realizing it wasn’t Andrew.

    • I woke up with a migraine and I am still not feeling so well. Trying to get the energy to get into the shower so I can see my granddaughter for Halloween and I read your post while procrastinating…laughter is truly the best medicine. I laughed until I cried and I feel better now! Thank you for sharing and thanks for the no drinking warning.

  28. I cracked up reading this! Question: where’s the plunger to clean out the toilet?! 😀

  30. Too funny – both hubby and I were laughing out loud at it. He says it is true that when drunk you don’t always remember everything and poor Andrew probably thought it was possible.

    I also liked her Glow Stick post too 🙂

  31. I keep thinking that this was supposedly a 10 year old. That’s a horrible mess for a 10 year old to clean. I also thought the language used by the parents to speak to their son was horrible, and that they humiliated him. Funny how sometimes something that’s supposed to be funny just rubs the wrong way. Hopefully the story is exaggerated for comic effect and I’m just having a “sensitive “ day.

    • Everyone finds different things funny. I never got the concept of practical jokes. For me the idea of covering car windows with shaving cream was “Why is this funny? Even if you leave small clear spots on the front and back, he can’t drive safely.”

      • Me too., kelticat. A whole branch of my family [read as my mother s whole freaking family] thinks hilarious to “decorate” wedding leave taking car. But Dad decreed unsafe beside it truly is. So my siblings have an “official”/ designated wedding car and we use Dad’s tundra pickup as the real wedding leave taking vehicle. Yes we lie when official car has a flat tire at designated leave taking time so they have to take pickup. Grin.

  33. That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a really long time. I kind of forgot how good a long out loud laugh feels. Thank you so much!

  34. Oh my goodness I hope it is an exaggeration. However would you get that cleaned off the siding.

    • Now, that’s an interesting question. My guy I call when I need anything a house builder is needed to fix once commented on the fact that my siding needed to be scrubbed down with “Snow Bowl” which is a toilet cleaner. I’d assume that a person who has the right equipment to do that could easily manage to scrub it clean. What I wondered on that day was: Who the heck looks at a house and thinks, “Yeah, I could use that toilet bowl cleaner to scrub the filth off my house!” I offered my guy the use of my power-washer to manage it if it bothered him that much. He declined.

      • Been there but since siding had asbestos ended up going thru hazmat replacement instead of just power washing.

  41. So that made me start going down the rabbit hole of her cartoons. The Garage Sale one (#4 maybe?) made me laugh too. 😊

  43. I shouldn’t be laughing just before going to bed! I’m no longer sleepy. WebToons! I’m currently reading at least 6 comic series in this website. I found 2 new ones and dropped 2 unfinished old ones. I’m seriously thinking of bookmarking Ristay’s series. Thanks!

  44. Thank you for the warning. As my grandmother used to say it was so funny I peed my pants”. My millennial nieces and nephews would say ROFLOL, LMAO. Thanks for the laughter.

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