Our garage floor is original to the house, and years of use have polished it to a shine. It’s so slippery that if your shoes are even slightly wet, you will slide around on it and predictably bust your head. Gordon fell a couple of months ago in his work boots. From what the children said, it made “a sound.” Long story short, we decided to put a nonslip coating on the garage.
This project required removal of everything that was in the garage. Gordon tolerates very little clutter in the garage, except when it comes to his tools. More on that later. But still there were things like spare flooring, and an old box full of mystery things, and old paint cans. We had to find a temporary place for all these things. We also need to throw many things away and so Gordon got us a dumpster.
It was determined that the side courtyard was the best location. People who owned the house before us liked European themes and they tried to create this little spot on the side of the house that would be more in line with a tiny courtyard in one of the European cities. It would’ve been lovely, except that they chose bricks for the flooring. Bricks that get mold. Bricks that collect dirt. Bricks that weren’t properly laid because they are very much not level.
You’re in Texas Hill Country. Why didn’t you use flagstone like a normal person?
Anyway, the biggest problem with the courtyard are the live oaks. These particular members of the oak family are evergreen. They don’t drop their leaves in the fall. Instead they shed their leaves whenever they feel like it, which seems to be all the damn time and in large quantities, which makes them picturesque but an incredible pain.
I open the door to the side courtyard. There is a foot of leaves on the ground.
To be fair, it’s my own fault since I knew there were leaves and I ignored them. So I get the leaf blower, I get gloves, and a hat, a large plastic pot, and a wheelbarrow, and I start blowing leaves into piles, scooping them with the plastic pot, filling the wheelbarrow, and then wheeling them to the back of the property, where we basically have Texas wilderness and the leaves will act like natural mulch.
Meanwhile, Gordon is throwing things out and carrying things in the attic, and he paired his phone to a speaker, so we have music while we’re working. I am blowing leaves and dirt. There is dirt on my face. There is dirt on my sweater. There is dirt in my bra somehow. There are leaves stuck to my hat. I just want to get this done and take a shower.
Two hours later, Gordon picks up his phone and says, “Kid 2 called 6 times. Weird.”
While we were cleaning the garage and the courtyard, Kid 2 tried to call me. I left my phone inside, so predictably I didn’t pick up. She then tried her dad, who also didn’t pick up. Then she tried the house. No answer.
She knows we are always home, because of COVID. So she calls her sister.
Kid 1: I’m working on my thing. I don’t know where they are.
Kid 2: Go and find them. What if something happened?
Kid 1 goes to the office. We are not there. She goes to the front of the house.
Kid 1: Both cars are in the circular driveway. I called for them outside and they didn’t answer.
Together our children are 46 years old. Instead of going out and taking a look at the garage, they decided that one of us must’ve had a critical health issue and was taken away by an ambulance, and the other one of us had ridden with the injured person, and we didn’t tell them about it.
We were both thoroughly chewed out for failing to answer phones and failing to inform the children where we were.
We finish, shower, I cook a yummy dinner, we settled down for the evening.
10:00 pm. A call from Russia from a number I don’t recognize.
I pick up. The call drops.
My father never calls me on my cell. He only Skypes. The only time I open Skype at all is when he calls me. There is only one reason why someone with an unknown Russian phone number would call to my cell. My father must be in the hospital with COVID and my estranged brother is trying to reach me.
I call the number back. Call drops.
I call again.
Again.
Finally, there is a voice.
Dad: Ilonochka.
Me: Are you okay? Is Irina (stepmom) okay? Is Andrei okay?
Dad: Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Everyone is fine.
Me, sitting down: I thought something bad happened.
Dad: No, I monitor your Skype activity and I noticed you haven’t logged into Skype for 3 weeks, so I called to check on you. Call me tomorrow. Love you, bye.
Me: … I need drugs.
Gordon: Yeah. Your father is stalking you online.
The next morning on Skype, explaining to dad that I only Skype in the office and I wasn’t avoiding him.
Dad: You shouldn’t have been worried.
Me: It’s natural for children to worry. Explaining the garage cleaning incident.
Dad: What about his tools? Does he have tools? Where are the tools being put?
Me: Yes, he has tools, and they are in this giant water proof toolbox. I have my small tool kit and all my stuff is nicely put up. Gordon has his giant box and he just kind of throws things in there…
Dad: That’s what a man does. Everything is correct. You don’t need to hassle him about it.
Me: …
Dad: Does he have a bucket of screws?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Everything is good. He is doing everything right. Molodets! (There is no literal translation, but the best I can do is attaboy or like well done!)
I finished the conversation and Gordon arrives to the office to work.
Me: My dad thinks you are a proper man because you have a bucket of screws.
Gordon: Well, I’m so glad that after 25 years of marriage, I finally have done something he approves of.
This is awesome, I need it!
Thank you,
Laurence
Hahaha dying 😂. Bucket of screws 😂
Hahaha this is awesome!
Next thing you know your kids will put nanny-tracker apps on your cell phones.
Similar incident (with us and our 17 year old kid) and he did!! We now all have apps that track us…LOL!!!
I have three American half brothers, two of which are twins. All the twins family have trackers on their phones, as do their children and I think the grandchildren!
I live in Europe and can confirm that I have bricks like that on my patio. I feel so typical!
Thank you so much for making me laugh and sharing part of your life.
No garage is complete without a bucket is screws, a bucket of bolts and a bucket of sockets for the missing ratchet.
+1
Dont forget the can of Allen wrenches!
+1 and the various jars of assorted nails.
And the WD40!
Don’t forget the Goop!
For those who don’t know Goop is a product that cleans grease off your hands after working on cars, trucks, or other greasy, grimy stuff. When I first saw it, I told my dad it looked like Crisco, and I wasn’t going to clean my hands with Crisco. He laughed and told me to use it anyway.
OMG! We have all of that $hit. My hubby wants more (he needs help).
You helped my day start with a smile! Thanks.
I sympathize with your kids. I live in far west TX, but the rest of my family is in southern California. If my mom doesn’t return a missed call in a few hours I work my way from dad down the sibling list until I get an all clear. Also, every time an unknown California number calls my phone I’m convinced someone is calling me from a hospital with bad news, which means I answer every spam call from California. I will never learn.
Thank you. I needed a laugh today.
LOL, thanks I needed that.
Yep,now is when we are in the position our parents were in when we became adults,suddenly they start worrying about you. My son frets about us, that we will get Covid and get really sick ( we are like Ilona and Gordon,basically home 99% of the time), when I drive he frets I’ll get into an accident…
Love description of the garage. Amazed the floor is slick and clean,given you guys have an Alfa, you had one of those and the floor was slick from oil and other fluids, kind of like Murderbot leaking on the floor after being attacked *lol* ( if you haven’t read them,Martha Well’s Murderbot diaries are a lot of fun, it shares snark w Illona Andrews stories though a different type).
Bill
I will have you know that my Alfa is a miracle of modern Italian engineering. Yes, if it was a Fiat, sure. Maybe the older models leaked but we have had no such problems. It gets little day to day mileage but we took it to FL and it was fine. I am and shall remain a proud Alfa Romeo owner. Yes, the Germans make better cars but they aren’t as sexy.
The cars or the people?
I hate German cars for the record ( and they aren’t any more reliable than other cars ,Audis and Mercedes are a nightmare)Proud Alfisti here, haven’t had one for a while, beautiful cars with the Italian flair for the dramatic. Glad they got it right, amazing given they are owned by Fiat. They drive like they look, my spyder was my baby, despite the fact like that like a hot headed italian girlfriend in the mood it tried to kill me at times, it was an amazing drive ( and also I prob couldn’t give it the care it deserved).
Gordon, based on everything I know about Alfa’s, they take a lot of skill and patience to keep them running. If you can keep yours going then hat’s off to you, sir.
Agreed… My husband salivates each time we see a A R Giulia….
We used to like bmw (we have 2both app 20 years old) but they just dont make them the way they used to anymore..
As a child of a parent who frequently doesn’t answer her phone….. answer your phones. LOLLLOLLLL
Gordon’s last comment killed me lol
I love these little anecdotes from your life. It’s all very cute and funny. I do the same to my mom so I can relate to your kids.
Multiple Mason jars also work, based on my father and (carpenter) grandfather. When my parents moved to assisted living, we must have cleared out 50 jars of nails, screws, bolts, etc. from the basement workroom.
Also coffee cans and baby food jars. My father had dozens.
My dad went the Mason jar route and would nail the jar tops to the bottom of a shelf. Then he could screw the jar into the top so the nails would be off the counter out of the way but easily visible and accessible.
My dad did that with baby food jars.
Baby food jars are great for sewing odds’n’ends, too! All those buttons, stray pins, etc.!
My husband fills 3 or 5 gallon buckets. My children are appalled. I’ve given up on trying to get him to downsize the stuff and just tell them it’s going to be their problem someday.
My husband drove home from work one day because I didn’t answer my phone. I was mowing. My daughter drove out from town, again I hadn’t answered my phone. I was vacuuming. It goes on and on….
Thank you for making me laugh.
😂😂😂
Thanks for that!
OH MY GOD. That is the funniest post ever. The bucket of screws. My husband too. our garage is way too full of crap and it drives him crazy. Ever since we moved here 3 years ago, the garage was the place things went that didn’t fit in the house. We need to do what you have done. Get a dumpster and etc…
I love your dad.
Also, that courtyard is really cool. It looks like a nice place to sit and have a glass of wine with bread and cheese. Except for the issues you named, it’s neat! I have a fantasy in my head of someday being able to host an outdoor party with the long table, wines, fresh breads, cheeses, fruits and meats…where everyone clinks glasses and talks about normal things and gets along. That’s why it’s only in my head.
Thank you as always for the entertainment. Everyone stay safe out there. 🙂
Can’t recommend the semi-annual dumpster rent enough. It’s amazing how much junk can accumulate. Here’s our rule: if it has sat or set, in the garage for over a year, never touched, it can reasonably be dumped. Not like family photos or old military uniforms but like appliances and just junk.
I have the same dream as you and I think it comes from an old Warren Zevon video where he and his friends have a meal outside at a long table. At least I think it was. It seemed super cool, but I can’t find it now.
So the Alfa gets driven at least once a year, huh?
😂😂😂😅
This seems like a really good tip from people who have moved a lot. Please share more advice? We’re several decades in at the same house and omg. the amount of stuff we have. Both sentimental stuff and junk.
It is just terrifying to contemplate moving but also OTOH, those “senior purge” and decluttering assistants charge a fortune. Does not help that we are sheltering pretty hard and not going to drop stuff off at the donation centers (now that they are finally open and not totally full). I haven’t seen the usual flyers for those who pick up donations, either, for likely surplus of goods and not worth trying to vie for in-demand drivers & crew.
I’ll probably move states in the next year, and I thought I’d call up a women’s shelter to see if they wanted all my furniture and other items for residents to take to their new homes or for the shelter to sell to raise money.
I haven’t actually called to see if they do that. Anyone know if they do?
My local women’s shelter does. I called them to pick up some furniture about a month ago. The Salvation Army also picks up, but not sure if they do during this pandemic. It may depend on the local circumstances.
I think it depends on where you live.
Goodwill will take pretty much anything except mattresses (air or regular). I donate to Goodwill a lot.
The Salvation Army is my go to because they help people directly. I’ve been surprised by how many families they have touched and how discretely they give to our community members. I only know about the Salvation Army’s kindness because the beneficiaries shared their experiences with me and that has won my confidence in giving to the organization.
😊
Oh God, I’m laughing so much. It’s just tickled my funny bone. Thanks for brightening my day.
Maybe you should send them a group text every time you switch rooms. After a few “I’m going to the bathroom.” texts, they might decide you don’t need to tell them where you are all the time. 😁
But yeah, I’m surprised they haven’t put the trackers on your phone. 😊
But since Ilona’s cell phone was left in the house while she was outside, tracking the phone would not help to find her.
No, but they might have been able to catch Gordon. 1 out of 2 isn’t bad. 😊
I love this! Absolutely true! No answer… worry… are they on the side of the road, did they wreck…. questions… lots of questions. I try hard to clear my mind. Worry some more!
My God I laughed the whole way through this. So funny and it hits close to home tok, we never stop blowing things out of proportion for caring for our parents or children right.
Ahhh that was such a good read. I didn’t know where it was leading, but I enjoyed the journey very much!
I admit I panic when my parents don’t answer the phone. I live in another state. I will then call my sisters. We will them ALL call my parents. Eventually the answer and mom tells me I don’t need to worry.
🙄 I worry.
LOL! My kids are the same way. They text me asking where I am. I have told them where I was going. If I don’t answer right away, it is 47 texts in 3 minutes and then get yelled at for not answering. Doesn’t matter that I was driving or anything…
I usually have to wait hours to get a response from them even though their phones are glued to their hands at all times! Sheesh!
This sounds so much like our house I swear you have planted hidden cameras here! I love your family escapades. Thanks for a big smile today.
Oof. My mom disappeared for a couple hours once. My sister and I freaked out and when she finally showed back up, we chewed her a new one, too. We STILL jump her case about it, and it’s been over 20 years ago now.
😂
🤣
👏
Your family rocks. Dad wins the day!
My husband has a bucket of screws, and his tools are thrown all over the place in the garage. I don’t know if that means he’s normal, or if there is just a collection of weird men who do this weird stuff.
Apparently (according to my dad as well,) it means you’re “normal”.
My husband and I lived in apartments and a condo for the first several years, and it wasn’t until we had a house with a garage and my dad could actually see all my husband’s tools AND multiple buckets, containers and one of those drawer organizers of screws, bolts, washers, etc that my dad “approved”. Even though (at the time) my husband built theater sets and my dad had been to and seen my husband’s scene shop with all the tools there! Took seeing them at our home to be all “ah. see. totally normal / it’s all good”. LOL!!
I love your slice of life style posts! I always laugh and usually relate. It is a bit sexist of me but if a man does not have a bucket of screws I will question his masculinity. Probably just for a second it two but I will. It is ridiculous, I am handy and have my own container of screws and I am not a man.
If it makes you feel better, my husband, 15 year old and I live in a pretty small house but we have a detached garage we have converted into a studio. My son will be playing video games, hear a noise outside and then frantically calls us to make sure we are ok…. knowing full well that we go out there for this cool thing called privacy.
LOL too true. My dad is 85 and lives alone in Calgary. Now that it is winter he is inside 99% of the time. I FaceTime him every day since COVID. If he doesn’t answer then try again in a bit, then home number, then cell number. Only once have I seriously debated calling his neighbor to check on him – I was an hour away from doing so. He was doing a project in the basement and couldn’t hear the phone.
I love your courtyard – it looks cute. 🙂. I live in a 900 sq ft apt with hubby and fantasize about yard, garage and attic space…. sigh.
I don’t have a bucket of bolts but I do have a small box of nuts, nails and misc. 😝
We had a snowstorm in NYC last night – 12 inches in the city, more out of the city. The photo is my neighbor’s courtyard below us.
Well at least you know where your kids get it from 🙂
This was great. Thank you for sharing.
Hahahaha a day in the life!
Omg I love to read these little adventures of life. Thank you for the smiles.
Thanks for the laugh.
I do this to my poor Mom. She has 5 kids. 2 live in her town, 1 actually lives with her. When we can’t get a hold of her we call the brother who is a dispatcher for the local police department. He has all his guys look for her and tell her to call her daughters.
I love stories with your dad.
Where do Russian nicknames come from? I read The Bear and The Nightingale and it’s based in early Russia. Everyone has completely different names for nicknames.
The Bear and the Nightingale is a good book, but it’s a book of fiction by an American author written for the Western audience. 🙂 Just as I don’t recommend studying mythology based on Kate books, I don’t recommend it for authentic nicknames. Most fiction books are good for sparking interest, but it’s good to follow it with a bit of research if you want to know more.
Onto the nicknames.
So the nicknames in Russia are usually following 2 rules: either they result from adding a grammatical diminutive or they are easier to say for children.
Diminutive: we slap things to the end of the names with whatever vowel is handy followed by -chka or -nka for female and chik or -ok for male. This is usually typical for some established but also many foreign names.
Ilona – Ilonochka
Katya – Katenka
Lisa – Lisochka
Anton – Antonchik
Katarina – Katarinochka
Then we get into names that are either very old like Borislav or borrowed from Greek like Anastasia, and these names have specific nicknames.
Nikolay – Kolya
Anastasia – Nastya (Nuh, not nah)
Vyacheslav – Slava
Grigoiy – Grisha – never a female name, btw
Alexander – Sasha
Sergey – Seryosha
Alexey – I often see this shortened to Alex, but that’s the Western version. The Russian version is Lyosha.
Boris (old name) – Borya
Vasyliy – Vasya
Vladimir – Volodya
Pavel – Pasha
Dmitriy – Dima
Some names like Nikita or Zahar don’t really have a nickname.
If you ever think it’s too much, here is a nice picture. I rest my case. 🙂
Ah! Thank you. I understood “Katya” for Kate but not Katenka. That’s super helpful and just a great insight into cultures. It’s fascinating.
The one that always got me was “Sasha” for Alexander. My English brain can’t see the reasoning for it.
The English also have weird nicknames – Hank for Henry, Jack for John.
A co-worker and I looked up the Jack for John one recently. I pointed out that it made terrible sense for a nickname because it was the same number of characters, so what was the point? (It had something to do with how the names were said in German, I think, and it made sense if you followed the history of the names.)
I think Elizabeth and Richard probably have the most possible nicknames.
My father’s given name is Jack but he was baptised Joseph to give him a saints name. Jack is not for John though but for his grandfather Jacob. Not sure what the church did for Uncle Walkie who was given his father Walter’s nickname.
Silver Silence is a book by Nalini Singh. She has a Russian baby bear cub named Dima . Wanted to know what the name meant. Thank you for the information.
And I liked the tool facts.
My mom painted and did the framing for her paintings. She loved buying various size nails ,wires ,glue and all different kinds of screws and screwdrivers. Loved going into small hardware stores and talking with the guys about the feel of a hammer in your hand and who made the best electric drill.
Her dad made violins and did woodworking during the depression. He had 4 daughters and they all loved carpentry.
So this was nice to hear about bolts and nails. It brought back happy memories.
Thank you for sharing this story.
But Richard and Dick totally make sense? 😀
It does in a way – probably came from Richard / Ric / Rick -> Dick
Here is a good explanation
https://www.quora.com/Why-is-Dick-a-nickname-for-Richard?share=1
Every language has idiosyncrasies that make you go huh?! And English is definitely not easy to learn as a second language but the only good thing is that there are no feminine and masculine – just “the” 🙂
Richard, Ricardo, Rikard, Diccon, Ricky, Richie, Rick, Dick, Ric, Ricky, Rico, Rocky, and even Cardo….tho that might have been specifically dreamt up by the family that used it (Kindergarten in San Antonio)….and now my head just went blank.
Man I hate when that happens!
Or Penny for Margaret!?!? I never understood that one.
I thought it was Peggy as a form of Margaret? The Pennys I have know have been Penelopes
I had 2 Uncle Richards. The nice one was Richie, the creepy uncle was Dick which matched his personality. I always wondered which came first, the nickname or the personality. I got permission to kick him when I was in grade school. I had already kicked Uncle Guy w/o permission when I was in first or second grade. I changed from tennis shoes into my hard soled Sunday shoes first. It left him with a significant bump which also turned black and blue. I did give him fair warning to stop teasing me prior to kicking him. He showed off the bruise to everybody and stopped teasing me. Maybe that is why I like Helen so much. No ripper cushions other than a place in the family stories.
Ah but here is one you probably never heard. My father’s name was John but for some odd reason his nickname was “Dick” His parents did that to him for some unknown reason and it stuck with him. Funny thing he was a research microbiologist at the CDC and wrote many papers but not under the “Dick” moniker but under his real name John E. Martin.
This reminds me of a joke about how nicknames are made, and someone asks how the hell you get Dick out of Richard.
Answer: You ask nicely
I had a friend whose father’s mother tongue was Russian. She was called Catharina, or Ekaterina depending on which parent was speaking. Except they called her Usha (Yu-Shah). Ekaterina became Katyusha, and was shortened again…I suspect the quirks are neverending.
So your diminutive forms add characters to make the names longer? Anyone else seeing the irony there? 😉
I guess I always thought of them as informal (family) names versus formal names, but I don’t speak Russian so I have absolutely no idea why I thought that. 😁
Ann – Annie
John – Johnny
Fred – Freddy
or
Juan – Juanito
or
Jeanne – Jeanette
Notice that it is not only Russian that makes longer names out of shorter ones. We do it, too.
I usually go the other way.
Annie – Ann
Cassie – Cass
Kimberly – Kim or Kimmie
Tinker – Tink
If it can be shortened, I will shorten it.
Love the list of nicknames, Russian is such a lovely language. I’ve always liked this poem as a demonstration of how confusing English is: “The Chaos – Gerard Nolst Trenité” http://ncf.idallen.com/english.html it really needs to be read aloud!
We add diminutives in afrikaans as well for some nicknames. You sometimes have to drop a letter or two and add tjie/ie at the end. It’s the same for male and female. My cousin is Frank so he becomes Frankie. Anna – Annatjie.
It’s interesting how you nicknames are given for family members so you know who you are talking to. The family name is David Benjamin and the bicknames in the family are Ben, Dave, Bennie, DB, David. Catherina Cornelia. Cora, Rina, Corne (with an accent on the e to make an ay sound), Katie, Lena. You often have second and third cousins carrying the same name and can at the same time have 5 – 10 people with the same name at weddings.
Your courtyard looks cool, even if the bricks are problematic. Very European looking.
I would have done the same thing if I were your kids. I have also had people hunt me down when I wasn’t where they thought I should be because “You’re never late”.
(I was 10 minutes late and they sent people to my house.)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
nice patio
‘Estranged brother’ ?
I’m always saddened when I learn that someone I know don’t have a good or close relationship with their siblings. I totally worship my big bro 😁 And even if we live in different countries, we still call each other regularly 😊😊
Shit happens in families. Some of it more resolvable than others. I have no idea of this particular story, but while I’m pretty open about the fractal train wreck that is my family, it’s often especially hard for me when people are sad about situations that are so complicated. I often feel both not understood, and also, sort of judged.
Obviously, I can’t speak for our hosts, and I’m not trying to. But… these are pretty personal things, for most folks. (…I tried pretty hard to stay in touch with my brother, even though it often wasn’t pleasant. Then he escalated to death threats. Then he died. OTOH, my sister might top three list of people I’d kill for… And there are four more siblings I haven’t mentioned!)
You are right, I know that there are often good reasons to break relationship with family (my grandmother and her brother for example). That doesn’t stop my sadness, and pointless naïve questions, like ‘why does he/she behaves like this ?’
Shit happens, and it’s sad when we can’t do anything about it. Because people rarely changes except when they want to :/
I freak out every time my husband comes home late from work. It’s a 20minute drive from the office, and 25-30 with rush hour traffic. He’ll say I’m in my way, then after 45 minutes no husband. I start freaking out, I call him, call again… he would’ve decided to take a detour to Home Depot or get gas, and I would freak. Dude, it’s common courtesy to let the person making your meals to know you expect to be delayed.
Plus, he’s a terrible driver. He doesn’t brake when he turns. Something about torque and the car not flipping. It drives me insane, thus the freak out.
Well, of course the screws have to go in a large bucket!!!!
You know what’d happen if they weren’t in a bucket?!?!!!
You’d have screws loose.
Groan – how punny 😁
I freak out every time my husband comes home late from work. He’ll say, ok, I’m leaving the office now, hang up and 45 minutes later no husband. It takes him 25-30 minutes to get home w terrible traffic. He would’ve decided to stop by a store, get gas or whatever and decide it wasn’t crucial information when he told me he was on his way home.
But there’s good reason for my freak outs. The man is a terrible driver. He doesn’t brake when he turns. He tried explaining to me, something about torque and the car not flipping. It drives me insane.
About the parent stalking. Since the pandemic, I made it a point to post a different food I cook almost everyday. Like a journal, but also kinda to let my mom know I’m alive, if at 7pm our time, there’s not been a post, I get a call, hey, where’s your post? Didn’t you cook? Eventually I had to tell her I deserve a break on Saturdays, when I just make something not “post-worthy” or order pizza. She still stalks me, she likes every single picture I post. I would wake up to 57 notifications, half of them would be my mom, the other half my mother in law liking every single picture.
Хорошо. Good story, good family.
Families! Gotta love ’em.
No, really, you do have to love them. That’s the most important thing in the world. Your family doesn’t need to be “related by blood”, there are just as many “families by choice”.
However you got them, you gotta love them.
Happy Holidays Ya’ll.
My kids do this too. One is 25 and the other 23. They have put trackers on my phone. When I travel to DC to see my oldest. My suitcase is carried for me. Doors are held open and when I fly home I am taken to the airport, walked into the check in and then walked to the security area for my gate. I have been upgraded to being hugged and left at the security check in now. The first few times she stayed until I got past it. When I drive over to see my youngest who lives an hour away I told to “text me when you get home.” When I teach at the community college I do not take my cell into class even on silent because I want to set a good example to my students. I can’t tell you how many times I have been chewed out for that. They will call each other if I don’t answer the phone.. all of which I tell them is not necessary. I am in good health only 53 and have no signs of dementia. However when I call my 78 year old mother..if I don’t get an answer or a call back in a couple of hours I start calling my siblings!! Lol.. I have 4 so mom gets checked on a lot! Isn’t it nice to love and be loved in this crazy year!
I can SO relate to this post. In my defense as a daughter, my Dad who lives alone has gotten himself stuck on the barn roof without his phone when he knocked the ladder over while up there. We did find him after the better part of an hour of frantic searching.
This post was much more entertaining than living it must have been.
My late father kept his screws in a box with lots of little pull-out cubbies. I am not quite sure what I want to do with it.
Thank you for a great laugh on a very snowy day.
..buckets of screws and button jars – all that potential!
My kids track and have to know where I am at all times.
They are in their thirties so it gets worse Ilona.
BWAHAHA, thanks for the belly laugh!
I can only at this…
How do you deal as parents with having two beautiful, young daughters? I mean there must be some interest from the male gender. Aren’t you worried yourself?
I am asking because I also have one and seeing her grow makes me nervous already.
Easy answer? They are adults. We got them that far, the rest is up to them. They are with people who love them and who we like but that I will always, and I mean always, refer to as my future-ex-sons-in-law.
Thank you for answering! I am thinking on your answer.
Future-ex-sons-in-law? They’re actually okay until Kid #1 or Kid #2 starts referring to their respective guy as “first husband.”
Much laughter, thank you!
Oh boy…..fun time! But LOOOOVE the little courtyard!
LOL! I shall immediately go inform my husband that he’s a proper man.
(And in the previous owners’ defense, the little courtyard is absolutely charming)
OMG , this is a great story. Lots of laughter, frustration and most of all LOVE.Many of us can relate to parts of this, having grown children & parents still thinking of us as children. My husband passed away last year and my adult children are always checking on me( like we can go anywhere right now). Been sorting through his stuff and low & behold with his tools there’s A bucket of screws,guess it’s a guy thing.
Well…., If I’m not the first to say/write this, does this mean all “proper men” have “a bucket” of (Loose) Screws?? O-0 This Would EXPLAIN A Lot, to us women!! If I have my way about Screws around our property, it that they are ALWAYS in use or in their Original, from the store container, NOT ‘Loose’!
Kept in their Original container, means we Know what Size they Are.
LOL! Adult kids, yes, and parents too. Doesn’t matter what age; kids are always kids to their parents.
Question: Remind me again, what did we do before cellphones/email?
Thx for sharing. I enjoy hearing about ur escapades.
Such a great piece of your life! Thank you for sharing.
Laughed so hard at this post.
You have the happiness of being loved by many people. Treasure it!
OMG! I’ve had very similar conversations with my mother about letting me know if she’s going out, where’s she’s going, what time I should expect her, etc. As she got older, the “lectures” turned into why she didn’t answer the phone. I’ve used the same arguments my parents had with me. “You could be dead in a ditch somewhere!” “You could have fallen and not been able to reach a phone!”
I badly needed a laugh today, so, THANK YOU!
My dad just helped my husband and me move across the country. One of his “tasks” for the move was to make sense of my tools in the garage that I just plopped in a bunch of different buckets—all mixed together. I now have a professional tool box with a bucket for screws, a bucket for nails, and a bucket for everything in between. Totally a Dad thing. 🙂
I have a live oak as big as my house and it’s sole purpose is to dump leaves on my patio, ALL the freaking time! Next to it is Texas’ other tree of despair, the crepe myrtle, which dumps it’s tiny, sharp and pointy leaves for months. Man, Texas trees are no joke.
LOL. I love this and needed this laugh. I can also totally relate. Glad that it’s not just my crazy family.
The bucket of screws! We moved to this house about 4 years ago. Our old house was old. It was built in 1918. The previous owners had lived there for 45 years. The house needed work and we didn’t have much money. We bought books, talked to nice people at the hardware store and figured out how to do most of the work ourselves. When we sold the house we had to clean it out. There was a neglected corner of the basement that had all sorts of odds and ends from previous DIY rehab projects. We found a large metal coffee can filled with screws. Many of the screws came from all the mortise door knobs that we cleaned up and reused. We kept any extra matching screws just in case. We added to the coffee can but I can’t remember digging through it to find a screw. My husband wanted to take the can to the new house. A house that has modern door handles. As we cleaned and packed the debate to move the can with us continued. At one point my husband suggested that we go through and pick out the good screws. I said fine. If by this time, on this day the can remains untouched it goes out for the metal scrappers to pick up. That can sat outside for lass than hour. I hope it really did get melted down to make something new. I can still picture the partially rusted blue can. I hope it’s not sitting in someone’s basement. In the 4 years that we have lived here we’ve had to purchase screws only three times. One of those times doesn’t really count because it was for one of the kids science projects.
Thank you for that, it gave me a good chuckle. Mostly because whenever my mother calls I expect bad news and if she hasn’t picked up by the second ring for our nightly call I start to worry.
I am dying at “bucket of screws” being the mark of a proper man. I loved this 🙂 Thank you for the much needed smile.
I was wondering about your experience regarding teaching your kids your native language – if you did, that is. My situation is similar to Ilona’s and despite my efforts, my kid sounds like a foreigner when she speaks my language. Any words of wisdom?
FWIW, I had a Dutch co-worker who now lives in the USA. When he and his wife had a child, they simply split their languages: he always talked to the child in Dutch and his wife always talked to the child in English. She grew up knowing both languages equally. When she was an early talker, she mixed the two languages so it sometimes took a few back-and-forths to understand, but that happens with kids who speak only one language, too 🙂 She figured out which language was which pretty quickly, and I believe was accentlessly fluent in both.
Dear Natasha,
Maybe you wanted to have only Ilona‘s opinion on this topic. I do not want to impose, but if it helps you: I am teaching my children both my native language, but they still have an accent, although I don‘t think that I am doing something wrong, as it is my profession to teach languages. What might help are television, radio and music in Russian, but the best solution is to let them stay for several weeks in Russia. The grandparents can help. I mean they can officially not be able to speak English. In this case the children will be forced to speak Russian and as they will be listening and speaking a lot, thus they will improve their speaking skills, listening comprehension skills and of course the vocabulary, pronunciation, language melody and intonation. If they speak only with one parent and not all the time, they will have an accent. This is normal. I know this is not possible at the moment, because of Corona, but may be you can try afterwards.
Oh I loved this story it’s a great story. And while the brick is a paint is very pretty.
I am getting my husband a bucket of screws for Christmas
haha this defiantly made me laugh. I defiantly understand the panic of not being able to reach a family member when you know they should be able to answer as well as being the reason someone is panicking.
😂
A: I would really like to meet your father, he sounds great.
B: Next time, just throw a few handfuls of grass seed out there, in a few months you’ll have a lawn.
C: It doesn’t matter how old they are, their still your kids.
Keep writing, the both of you are great.
A few years ago, pre Covid when I was commuting to NY I had a girl scout leader meeting (I am leader for my younger daughter’s troop) on a weekday evening. Because I had a 2 hour commute each way I didn’t out a lot on weekdays. I went directly from the office to the meeting, which was in a restaurant. I turned off my phone during the meeting as is polite. Two hours later I got out of the restaurant and turned on my phone to a series of missed calls and increasingly frantic texts from my daughter. I was only 5 minutes from home so I just headed home rather than respond. I was greeted by a police officer, who asked if I was OK and if anyone was bothering me. All my life I’ve heard that you have to be missing for 24 hours but I was 2 hours late and here he is. I had mentioned the meeting but there were actually two and they got conflated in my husband’s mind and he got the kids worked up.
Families.
That was awesome.
And I adore your little courtyard.
Very nice courtyard. The bucket of screws, a jar full of buttons–one needs to be prepared for anything.
My baby sister (in Texas hill country) couldn’t get me (in Chicago) on the phone for 3 days (new iphone and I’d accidentally blocked her when I transferred numbers) so she called the police. Who came to the building (I was out) checked with all my neighbors (had they seen me TODAY?) and then met me when I got home. I appreciated her care, but have been very careful to return phone calls since then.
Bucket of screws will be my go-to benchmark for approval from now on 😂
And yes, kids ALWAYS worry
My parents had a courtyard like that. The oak that was up the hill didn’t like it, and extended the root all the way to the courtyard. There is now a big bump and tripping hazard in the middle of said courtyard.
You crack me up. This is do funny and so very relatable.
I like the courtyard. Flagstones and pavers are good choices for courtyards. They need to be rolled every few years to keep them level. Flagstones are a little more difficult to level than pavers because they do not have an equal depth.
It is hard getting you in-laws approval 😀
Good on Gordon for keeping the screws in a bucket
Oh yes the children worry!
One time my mom forgot her cell at home and she had to pick me up from the train station, but she went to the wrong one. I waited for her for one hour (the trip takes 15 minutes by car when there’s traffic), I called every number where I could think I could reach her while thinking that she must have gotten into an accident, because no one was answering my calls. When she finally realized her mistake and arrived I was crying: she got a lengthy lecture on the importance of cellphones!
Thank you so much for the laugh. I really needed it today.
😂 this reminds me of an incident a few months ago. My mom went to the high school football game with my husband and I to watch my daughter (in marching band). Since pretty much no one calls me other than my kids, husband or mom, I didn’t pay attention to my phone. My mom is pretty bad with missing calls or texts at the best of times.
For some reason, my sister (who lives 3 hours away) panicked because my mom didn’t respond to an earlier text message. She tried calling and texting everyone multiple times, then got my brother worried enough to drive over to my parents house to see if they were okay or not. All because of a missed text a few hours earlier.
People get crazy sometimes. I told my mom she better check in from now on.
Hahahaha that’s awesome. Authors have quite the knack for “Let me tell you about my day.”
When I was working as an Exec. Assistant at the national HQ for a phone company, I get a call from our cleaning lady, who is outside our house, surrounded by cops and the house alarm is going off, and my mom, who is supposed to be home, is not answering her cell phone. I call and call and no answer.
So I make a sneaky and FAST getaway in my car across 2 cities to get home, and there’s the poor cleaning lady who thankfully was not taken away by the cops.
My mom arrives shortly thereafter. She had her cell phone in her trunk, because back in the day when they first came out that’s where you were supposed to keep it while driving. The problem was she left it there while shopping too.
I chewed her out from my millenial-tech-goddess mode, but later wish I hadn’t been so tough on her, as she was so apologetic. One year since she left us and I still miss her.
Love the story. I usually have a very bad feeling if I see a missed call by my mum during the night while my phone was off until I verify she just hit the dial or send button without meaning to…
While being part of a team with many Russian co-workers I realized that many of my schoolmates back then (in Germany) had names that are actually Russian nicknames. Lots of Tanjas, Sas(c)has, Aljosha – still haven’t found out where this fashion came from.
We have coffee cans all filled with varying screws. It’s ridiculous I always save extra screws, cause you never know when gonna need that size. It’s good to know we are correct ☺️
Reminds me of the time my grandma didn’t pick up anyones call for 2 consecutive day so I drove three hours to check on her. She was fine, but unplugged the phone because “too many damn people were trying to call me”…
My mother-in-law always complained when we called. “Yeah, I’m still alive” in an exasperated tone of voice. But the day came when she didn’t answer. Didn’t call back. We drove four hours. The Philadelphia police helped us get into her house and they found the body. Worst Christmas season ever.
That is so sad. I am so sorry.
Ha! 🤣
My mom called to tell us that her condo was being painted and my husband asked if there was a skip and there was so we went before Thanksgiving and cleaned out her garage, dumping so much junk clandestinely at night!
My brother-in-law has a new Alfa Romero and he is bonkers over it. It’s pretty gorgeous.
My dad kept nails, screws, hooks, nuts, washers, bolts…etc in old tobacco tins with the sizes painted onto the short end. There was almost an entire wall of neatly stacked tins on shelves in his workshop. He had both imperial and metric sizes…and more boxes full of old plumbing fittings because those old imperial olives are hard to find. 🤔My sister complains because it inspired her electrician husband to start another collection of electrical oddments😊
So much sympathy for the ‘my dad is calling, it must be an emergency’ feeling.
In other news: Amazon.com has the Kindle edition of Emerald Blaze on sale today for $2.99 US (it’s a Gold Box deal), so if anyone has been waiting for a sale, it’s a single-day event ending at 11:59 PDT tonight.
Thanks for posting this; so funny. 😊
Somehow I was roped into calling in a welfare check on my mother-in-law by my husband and brother-in-law a few years ago. We all live in different parts of the country. After the cops show up with flashing lights to the 55+ community, a neighbor finally comes out and says she’s on a bus trip to Asheville. I call my brother in law to let him know and he says, “Oh yeah, she mentioned going there.” Grrrrr…..
Haha I’m lol. So good to hear from you because of course you post just for me haha well I have to go make Brandy snaps.
Thank you for the travelogue of your day. So funny. Then I get to the comments! Bwahahaha!!! No wonder the BDH is such a force! I needed this. Hugs. 💕
I really can’t blame Kid 1 and 2 because that’s how we are with our mom too =D
We are 35,32 and 30 y.o btw LOL
We had to keep reminding my mother (80+) to take her cellphone when she was going out on errands or to lunch with her friends. The one time something did happen – one of her friends fell in the restaurant parking lot – she didn’t have her phone. My dad (also 80+) was upset with her when she was late getting back from the “adventurous” afternoon, because of course “in a car wreck somewhere” was his immediate reaction.
Me: Mom, you have to remember your cellphone.
Mom: Your father ignores the phone if I’m not home.
Me: Dad, you have to answer the phone when Mom’s not here.
Dad: I don’t want to be bothered by the phone.
Me: Ok, I’m writing Mom’s cellphone number on this card and putting it by the phone. When you see this number on the caller ID, it’s Mom calling you from her cellphone, so you have to answer the phone.
Dad: (grumble, sigh) Okay.
Me: Thank you.
It was always an adventure with my parents!! ☎️📱😎
You too are so funny! I love your blog
The age doesn’t matter… I’m 55, my mother is 81.
I text her… no reply which is extremely unusual
After an hour, I call her cell phone… no answer
I call her home phone… no answer
So I keep trying to call her every 15 minutes until I finally get her on her home phone…
She was at the grocery store and didn’t hear her phone ring in her purse and didn’t bother to look at it after she got home…
She gets chewed out like I’m the parent then agrees to my activating the Find My feature on her phone – whew!
Remember when you called someone and when no one picked, it was no big deal?
Forgot to say: thanks for the laughs! You make your everyday adventures interesting to read. 🙂
You laugh about screws all you want. My son bought a HUD house that needed a lot of work. I found a bucket of miscellaneous nuts, bolts, etc at a yard sale that summer and dumped it all out onto a big towel and sorted it into types. I dug out the baby food jars from a sale and the cookie tins from a sale and sorted different size screws into the jars, different size nails into the jars, matched up bolts with washers and nuts into a tin and miscellaneous other useful stuff into another tin and stacked all the tins into a five gallon bucket with the lid. That TV watching project saved him a ton of money and trips to the hardware store and got him started on his own collection.
Your dad reminds me a bit of mine.
My dad passed away in 2016, and sometimes I feel guilty that I still experience the same mixture of love and exasperation when I think of him. (Shouldn’t I feel only love for my dead father?!!)
My dad was the master of the backhanded compliment, which infuriated me. But I also remember that after my parents divorced (1972), I was NEVER in doubt that my dad loved me; I got numerous (probably expensive) phone calls and letters from Korea and Duluth, MN (Dad was in the Air Force)while I lived in North Dakota, Ontario (Canada), and Washington State.
Upon reflection, I think that Dad felt inferior for a variety of reasons – mostly stemming from his background as a poor kid – and often expressed that as disapproval/snobbishness. At the time that he expressed those feelings, I mostly gritted my teeth and silently resented him. Now, I realize that Dad may have been “on the spectrum”, which explains me and my kids.
We’re all socially awkward, and expecting Dad to be different is unfair.
I guess this is my long-winded way of saying that I understand totally loving your dad and at the same time wanting to punch him just a little bit. LOL
Families , love ’em! 😆😆😆
Bahahaha!! Thank you so much, i needed that laugh. My husband too has a large bucket of screws and the kids love digging through it.
A friend’s kids did the same thing on calling when she couldn’t hear it. I now have both the daughter and SIL numbers so they can call me just in case.
Thanks I needed this. It’s nice to know that I am not the only parent who gets chewed out when my kids can’t find me. Happy Holidays!
The last line made me laugh out loud. Thank you!
Also, sorry to hear about the fall earlier, but hurray non-stick garage floors!
Your post made me laugh hysterically. I’m so glad everybody is healthy and fun. Kids are…. a trip. Parents are another trip. Stay safe and keep writing. I need my fix!
Missing you .. Sugar Land, Texas
A few years ago, I threw out my back, very much the invalid. Ended up staying with my parents for a week, it was so bad. A couple months later, back at home, my mother was trying to reach me for a couple days. My ringer was turned off and I missed her calls. Then, one afternoon, my doorbell rings. Upon opening the door, there stands my mother. She looks at me, says “Good, you’re not dead!” then turns a leaves.
I love all your books and writing, but this little story is so funny and sweet at just the right moment when I need it. Thank you and happy holidays!
This is was absolutely amazing! I loved every part, but especially the part about the bucket ‘o’ screws!
OMG. That was so funny. Merry Christmas!
They do look magical! Wow the ivy! *__*
My son, an auto mechanic, calls the coffee can of screws a “f**kit bucket” because if you can’t remember where it goes… f*** it! 😆
Oh my gosh! I am laughing so hard right now. My beloved late husband had separate coffee cans for nails, screws and bolts. It really must be a “guy” thing.
I also had to make him empty his pockets when I did laundry after getting one too many screws/nails or other sharp pointy things embedded under my fingernails.
I have a tool box like that! With tools that have seen a lot of hard use in it. But I don’t have a bucket of screws — they’re in a sturdy cardboard box about half the size of a banker’s box. Please tell me this qualifies.
Hmm. Maybe you should get a bucket. Just in case. 🙂
mwahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!
Thank you, I needed that 🙂
I miss Texas hill country. I grew up in Belton, Texas. Central Arkansas does not compare.
Hahahahahaha! Seriously there are no words for family!!😹😹😹
My parents never stay out late (unless I’ve dragged dad to the movies ro for a late night coffee, or out into the wilderness on a photo adventure with me). One time I was home from college, and at midnight they still weren’t home. I got worried, I called. Nothing. One car was gone. And more time passed. So when they FINALLY came home “where were you, didn’t you think to call or leave a note so I knew you’d be late?”
It was YEARS of overprotective parenting coming back on them. It was glorious. ^_^
The main thing is everyone was ok, and there was a lot of care in the interactions. <3
aw its good to be on the receiving end of praise wait another 30 years then it feels even better , veteran of 53years being married to the most wonderful lady .
We have lots of buckets, pots, bowls, nearly empty boxes and brand new shiny boxes of screws. You can, apparently, never have too many. Messy trees? Ha! Try living with a vast, 300 year old female yew, who bestows her fecundity by the ton every autumn – nasty, sticky, pink things that stick to everything, including the cat. Literally inches deep in fertile years. And then they sprout tiny baby yew trees everywhere. Ah well, she’s been there a long time already, and will outlive us by hundreds of years, who am I to complain?
how wonderful to have a family who cares about you so much!
Hahaha 😂 like you said parents and children 😂 I relate to this 😂
Hahaha we are in SE Tx and the previous owners laid brick flooring outside. My hubs dug it up. Now there is uneven flagstone because he was in a hurry and ran out of time. I feel your pain. And my dad is ALWAYS telling me not to hassel my husband because that’s just how guys do it. No panicked kids yet. Maybe because my oldest kids are male?
So, nerdy unsolicited courtyard advice from a Texas gardener. The roots growing from the live oaks may be partially what makes the bricks/flagstones uneven. When we redid our courtyard (Ft. Worth, TX), we used decomposed granite, which is pretty, practical, and economical. It requires some raking to even out every year or so, but works relatively well. We can even use a leaf blower on it because it is packed. It is what they use at the Lady Bird Wildflower Center.
Oh yes, I am quite sure that Sergeant Gordon stays awake at night worrying about his father-in-law’s approval. 😏
I was today’s years old when I found out my father wasn’t a man.
Proof: he had a huge, wall-mounted cabinet with about 50 little drawers that he sorted his screws and nails into. And he labelled them.
(I’m not a man either it seems, I don’t even own any screws!)
Beautiful courtyard BTW, very Provencal. All you need is a bunch of lavender shrubs and you’re set 🙂
Oh. My. Goddess.
I laughed so hard!
Oh my goodness, I can’t begin to tell you how much this post resonated with me. My parents and son live in Ontario Canada and I’m in Arizona. So I totally got the whole thing. I love your posts, they never fail to make me smile. Love your books, they are so satisfying and worth the wait. Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas.
It is always comforting to read your blog and most especially your books. They always give me so much joy and solace. They are my great getaway from this chaotic world. Wishing you peace, happiness and prosperity this coming holidays…
FAMILY! You gotta’ love ’em. 🙂
See, my life is very different from most, I guess. I barely laughed at any of this, other than the dirt in the bra, because I can relate to that and I hate when it happens and cannot figure out how it happens. If I were built like Ilona, I’d understand how dirt got in, but not much sticks out in front of me, so how the heck does all that crud go in? All of this is normal family life.
If my children call and don’t get an answer, they just wait a few hours and call again, because my husband thinks his cell phone is an annoyance and it usually gets left home when he leaves. My phone gets stuck into my purse when I go out and I can hear it ring, but the thing hides in my purse, so I always miss the call. The children are used to this. If I find it and see it’s one of them, it can wait, because it will be a long conversation and I’m doing something.
My father once told me while we sat watching a baseball game on TV as his phone rang that it was his phone, and he didn’t want to talk to anyone, so if it rang, too bad, it was there for him make calls, not to answer when people didn’t know any better than to call when the ball game was on! I answered his phone, and he was right. It wasn’t a call that was necessary.
If there is an emergency, my children call my phone, because it’s always with me. If they leave a message, I’ll listen to it, but if it’s not urgent, I will call when I have time to talk. If they ever did what yours did, with calls every few minutes as if I’m on a leash they can tug, I’d chew them out over it. I finally put my voice mail response to say that if I didn’t answer the phone, I’m either with a doctor or taking a much-needed nap and the phone is off, but I’ll check it when I get done, so leave a message. But I sleep with that phone right at the bedside, because if something happens and they need something in “the middle of the night”, I need to answer. The landline sits there, too, just in case.
The bucket of screws hits home with me, because I had one, and my husband “organized” for me and put them all into small glass jars with lids and I can’t find anything I seek anymore. I’m the one who fixes everything, and when I take something apart and end up with an extra screw as it goes together, those are “pocket screws” that go into my pocket until I get to my place to put them. You never know when you’ll need a screw, right?
To me, this was a tale of a day off work when something good was done to make life easier later. The courtyard got cleaned, the garage floor will be non-slip, and life will be better. Mission accomplished. I’m very happy for you to have gotten it all done.
I do wonder when we got so tied to cell phones that a person not answering one became a major issue. I also wonder why your daughters would imagine that if you were injured, no one would call them. A courtesy call when you visit and go home to say you got home safely is always nice, yes, but why are we all expected to have that phone in hand all day, every day?
Sounds to me like most of those screws are loose! 🙂
I have TWO buckets of screws!
Hahaha… Great story, one time my husband and I failed to call her children when we arrived at our camp. Cell service was down and it never occurred to us to go to try to find a landline to call them. We were there most of the day and had gone to sleep when there was a pounding on the door, it was the state troopers. My daughters had called the police on us. They told the state police that we would never in a million years fail to call them because we taught them to always alway call so we wouldn’t worry. They were so sure we ran off the road in a ditch somewhere. Lesson learned, lol
That is how Jewish- Russian fathers react and it sounds like you brought your girls up the same way. Not only a fantastic writer but also great parents. BTW- have you ever read A Discover of Witches and if so what are you thoughts?
ROLF! Ain’t kids (and dads) wonderful! 🙂
Why does your site hate me?
My firstborn treats me like she’s the parent, and has done so since she was maybe eleven. After 30 years more or less, I think I have a right to be tired of it, but if I say anything, she gets worse.
You’re right – your girls should have thought to check the garage, but they won’t next time, either. And the bucket of screws thing does seem to be typical male behavior, though where I’m from, there are usually a lot of nails mixed in as well.
Thank you for this wonderful tale of normal actions through the lens of the underlying fear of 2020…
I have been around a few years but this is the most unrelenting stress that I can remember…Stay safe everyone and I am so looking forward to the BOOK in January
OMG hilarious! That made my day.
There is nothing in this world quite like family. It is what you bring to your novels that make them so very good (there are other things too, of course). You capture the essence of “family” and bring it to us in the wonderful novels that make us smile, laugh and now and then cry. You’re a genius.
She’s right. Every one of your books, even the Edge novels, revolve around family. I didn’t think of that.
Omg I’m going to pee myself. Your post had me giggling in tears by the time I got to the part where your dad is doing the weird guy questions thing. Thank you for sharing that. I adore it.
🤣🤣🤣 We are currently in our RV full time. My husband is mourning all the screws and fasteners left behind in our storage unit. I have NO idea here we would put them, but I assure you in a few months some of them will join us on this journey!
It’s not just parents with children. I gave my sister-in-law a panic when I didn’t answer my phone. I deliberately left my phone in my bedroom, and I was watching TV. When I went back into my bedroom, I checked my phone and noticed the missed call my my sister-in-law. So I called her. She told me she asked my brother if she should call my sister (who lives in Colorado) to have my sister call me. I started laughing. I told her I was fine.
As to the bolts and screws, my dad had lots of them in any container he could find. 😀
Thanks for the laughs. I really appreciate them.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Love the courtyard!
Thanks so much for the fun life story, you’re kids are the greatest and your Dad is always entertaining 🙂
Love that courtyard! All cleaned up and groomed, it definitely screams european grotto of wine and cheese!
All I could do was laugh. Oh my goodness. I shared this with my daughter because it appears to be a universal occurrence. Too funny!! I recall the day I opened my shed to demonstrate to my father that I had gardening tools, basic fix it tools, and a medium sized box with small drawers filled with a variety of nuts, bolts, nails, and screws, and picture hangers. He was so proud of me I thought he was going to cry. I was 35. LOL Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the smile. :-}
Oh Lord. I had to laugh at all of it. After a couple of winters spent raking live oak leaves, and the lethal looking seed pods from gum trees, we knew that when we bought a house it would have neither of those trees on within shedding range. Before living with them we thought they were lovely.
When we had a new garage built the concrete guy said he could make it smooth enough that we could comb our hair in the reflection if we wanted, but suggested a version that would be safer under foot. Good man. We took his advice. We went off on a spur of the moment just for a leisurely lunch and a bit of a ride. Oddly we both forgot our phones. Big deal. We’re both old enough that the constant contact is something we can live without. That’s what we thought. Luckily we managed to get home in time for the final phone call as the two kids were deciding which of them would call the cops. Every friend and neighbor had been called.Thoroughly chastised by everyone, we now make every effort to remember the phones.I’m glad they care, but holy cow, do I feel watched.
I honestly couldn’t stop laughing. My Step Father musta been a Mans Mans Mans Mans for all the cans of screws he had around.
Oh man! I have SO been there! LOL!
OMG! This sounds so much like my family. I called the police to check on my daughter once since she didn’t answer her phone after moving into a house by herself at the university she was attending 300 miles from home at the time. Seems she just wasn’t near her phone. That was about 8 years ago and I’m pretty sure she still hasn’t forgiven me. She now lives 900 miles away and calls her sister who lives near us if she can’t reach us to make sure we are ok. Gotta love family!
Hahahaha
hint on the leaves, instead of using a bucket to transfer, my husband lays down a tarp or old shower curtain, then blows the leaves onto it from the hard surfaces to pick up to transfer to whatever area can benefit from the mulch. anything that lands on grass gets run over by a lawn mower.
he also has many buckets.
This is my belly laugh of the month… okay, maybe the year (yeah, I lead a sad life (jk)) AND I REALLY NEEDED IT! Thank you!!!!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love your family!!
I also love that courtyard…the wood on the door and windows…lovely!!
This scenario has definitely happened with my parents when I was living in the city (I currently live with them) ie my parents not picking up and us not being able to reach them for several days. Or my parents leaving behind their phones at home when they run errands and me trying to call them. Once in high school, I couldn’t find my parents anywhere (I think they had wandered down the road to a neighbor’s house) so I ended up calling my grandparents who ended up showing up, just as my parents did. Children and parents will constantly worry about each other, it’s what we do! Not only parents stay up all night worrying about their kids. 😀
Oh I forgot the time my sister and I wandered off to the new neighbor’s house for a few hours and forgot to leave a note (this was before we had cell phones in mid-2000s). My dad came home from work to find no sign of his daughters. We got home and I wondered where my dad was. I called him on his cell (of course he had a cell phone!) to find out he was at the police station about to file a missing person’s report!!!! He was so angry at us for disappearing and not explaining where we had gone off to (we were both in high school at the time). That whole year I had to call my mom at work when I got home from school to confirm that I had arrived home. 😀
Thank you for sharing the wonderful story. The ultimate line was Gordon’s comment at the end. Just the icing on the cake! And, congratulations on the beautiful side patio/courtyard & the garage cleaning.
Maybe a mesh hammock below the tree limbs over your lovely patio? The brick looks charming. Maybe pour a bucket of varnish or polyeurethene over it if you are concerned about it being level?
I love the courtyard. You could definitely improve on it though.
Your dad – typical bloke!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
😘😘
Hilarious! I LOLed about the “this is proper”. My hubby also has a bucket of screws and a messy tool area. It makes me a little nuts. Which he also has ajar of. Probably finds them lying around every time one drops out of my ear.
We all love approval. Gordon has made the A list of son-in-law Laws ***** five star day!
. . . . bucket of screws . . . .
thank you so much for the laugh
Omg I love this post so much. I guess my hubby is a proper man because he has buckets of screws lol
I wish it was just a bucket of screws! We also have one of bolts, one of nuts that don’t match the nuts & one full of nails! Merry Christmas!
Love your courtyard!
Your Dad would have loved my husband. He has jars of screws, jars of bolts, jars of nails, jars of nuts and jars of all the odds he never got around to sorting. My beloved passed in June. I have no idea wht to do with all these jars. I miss him.
You are absolutely hysterical! I say that with affection! Things happen to and your family that are amazingly amazing! Sometimes I almost pee myself laughing so hard!
I think this is the first time I’ve written a response because I just couldn’t hold back any longer.
Thank you!
Merry Christmas!!!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love this post!!!
This is wonderful story and just provides an example of the humor you have to find in crazy family dynamics.
Molodets! Lol. I may have to find the pronunciation and sprinkle this into conversation.
+1!
It has been so fun to get a glimpse into your life. I’m in my sixties and while my children know better than to try to track me, (they worry from a distance), my godsons insist that I am a “fragile flower”, or as they say, “you’re old!”. They do all the heavy lifting, and I let them. It makes them feel important.
Funny!! I have to say it, kid 1 would definitely hear the ambulance arrive. But your dad cracks me up. My dad didn’t have a bucket. He had a million coffee cans and you had to open each one to find what you needed. Arrrgghhh
And man I love the little courtyard. My potted plants would be in plant heaven.
Live oaks?
Ugh!
The leaves are tough as leather, and take years to decompose. I got a half dozen of the damn things on a quarter acre lot.
My father ALWAYS had his “bucket of screws”. When he passed I was in my 30’s and I refused to let mom throw out The Bucket, so I “inherited” the bucket and took it to my garage. That was 30 years ago and I can still claim to be “Owner-of-the-Bucket, lol. Thanks for sharing the humor. Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas.
The courtyard looks very picturesque. Starting with the “offending” oaks, the walls with ivy, the wooden arched windows, and the brick floor makes it look very nice and romantic. Of course, i understand that there’s nothing romantic about cleaning it but I can see how much you love it behind all that grumbling. Would love to see it after you decorate it further. And what’s the view behind those pretty windows?
I’m a woman with a bucket of screws. And nuts and bolts. And one of nails. Why? Because my dad had them. When he passed, I moved into his house and inherited them. I am his child because I can’t throw them away. You never know when you might find a use for them. (I know, never, but I keep them.)
Oh, and my mother, a child of the Great Depression, used to cut the buttons from clothes that had been discarded after giving their all. So I have a big metal tin of old buttons. Folks used to know how to be really thrifty!
To be fair, very few people make their own clothes these days. Furthermore, making something suitable for work or school probably costs more than simply buying it.
But on the other hand, those of us who are forced to make clothes if we want them to fit properly on bodies not built to scale with short torsos and not-too-long legs, with bust lines that don’t match hip lines, with waists that are not tiny because our torsos are so short that the organs in there don’t fit still cut off buttons and remove zippers from things that get discarded. Anybody who needs a button or a zipper is free to come and choose what they need from my stash, and it gets opened far more often that you imagine. Because I can make clothes, I can also repair them with things from my saved-up stash of “junk”. Lose a button one day and find out what it costs to have someone else find one to match and sew it on. Break the zipper on your favorite jeans and price the repairs! Guess who’s got them and can fix that!
My daughter also makes clothes, and my will states that she inherits my stash. The stash will live on! heh heh
Off topic, because I just saw it on Amazon.
Blood Heir is the first book listed in their “EDITORS’ PICKS: Most anticipated fiction of winter according to Amazon Charts“ dated two days ago.
Congratulations! And may House Andrews make even more sales to delighted readers as a result!
(Possibly others have already mentioned this in the 241 comments that precede mine, but I just poked my head in tonight to share my delight.)
https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/abr/arp/B08QW9L1ZP?ref_=abr_arp_list&theme=light
I thought I am someone who only enjoys fiction, but these snippets are too delicious. I wonder why?
You are very fortunate. I don’t have parents or kids. My absence would not be noticed. It is what it is. But you are very fortunate.
Your absence would be noticed. Just to be sure that it is noticed in time, I suggest that you purchase a “panic button” so that if you are injured, someone will get the notice when you push it. It’s much faster than trying to dial for help on your cell phone, and that matters. It seems as if you are alone, but you are not. You could arrange a signal for your neighbors to see if they glance at where you live. My mother, for instance, once forgot to open her drapes as was her practice every morning and her neighbor, who had my number because I never failed to answer our business phone, called me to tell me that it was probably nothing, but the drapes were still drawn from the night before. I had arranged that intentionally with him, and you could do the same. A text message daily to say you’re alive works, anything you arrange works. My cousin thought her “friends” on Facebook would react if she didn’t post daily, so I told her to test it out and they ignored it. She made arrangements elsewhere then, because living alone can be dangerous without someone to watch for when you are gone.
Please arrange something. I don’t even know you, but it bothers me that you think no one would notice if you were not there.
I sympathise re cleaning out garage.Big brother downsized. Eldest nephew ‘helped’ me clean my garage. This means heaps of my ‘useless stuff got thrown out so that his fathers stuff would fit in. I now have a boat, the family cot, a saw bench and heaps of tools, in my garage. I haven’t checked but I wouldn’t be surprised if this included a bucket of screws. Dad used to have one after all.
Oh I forgot I also have my cousins trailer in my garage too. It won’t fit in theirs.
At least they don’t panic if I don’t answer the phone or return calls. They all know I forget to do those sort of things.
Family. You got to love them.
I was laughing so hard at the end… I needed that! I love your wine-door 🍷 in the wall! Here’s some fun history…From what I know wine-doors (or whine wholes) were placed in walls so even in a pandemics people can test taste whine while keeping people out! (Social distancing at it earliest) Usually the doors are much smaller! There’s a lot built in Florence and such places where it’s more common to find them! There would be this itty-bitty door in a big blank wall just so people can drink wine while a plague was going on! https://dynaimage.cdn.cnn.com/cnn/q_auto,w_380,c_fit/http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.cnn.com%2Fcnnnext%2Fdam%2Fassets%2F200811020146-04-buchette-del-vino.jpg
I love the courtyard, it’s lovely! But yes, flagstone would be better.
OMG I wonder if my DH has a bucket of screws in the garage….
Did you find the Skunk-Off in the garage?
Yep. If only Gordon thought of that bucket of screws 25 years ago!! Who would have thought! =)
This made me laugh and teary at the same time. I’ve been in denial about my parents and grandparents aging and I’m 34 years old. This quarantine has forced some harsh truths and reiterated some awesome things about our parents. For example, some memory issues…but then there was the fact that I never knew my Grams was a karaoke fiend (bought a magic mic, no not Magic Mike unfortunately -my Grams jokes-). Asian Grandparents (or grandparents in general) are like a Pandora box of scary awesome stuff LoL
Thank you for this. I’m wearing a huge smile and had a good laugh at Gordon’s closing comment
HA! My daughter does the same thing…if I don’t answer my phone, she’ll call and call and call then chews me out for not answering…
Absolutely love it 🥰
Молодец! is such a handy phrase. And thank you for the smile. My son checks on me from 600 miles away. Not a lot he could do from there, but it’s nice to know he cares.
You’d think with a name like Live Oak the tree would hold onto it’s leaves year round, but no. They drift down constantly. Sometimes appearing in piles. Other times poking out of the ground as though attempting to root and sprout a new sapling. This sounds improbable but actually is true. Live Oaks are known for their resiliency. A cut tree will send up sprouts from the root system, and if those sprouts are cut down, they will send up sprouts. So okay, maybe “Live Oak” isn’t too far off the mark, but it could also easily be called Mushroom Oak or tumor tree for it’s ability to keep popping up.
it would be wack if Hugh and elara had an alternative universe novel/ novella where Hugh wasnt expelled by Roland but he still fell in love with Elara
So it is now confirmed that Gordon has a few screws loose. Cool, good to know.