First things first: the next person who has the audacity to argue with me about the hair color or any other details of a character in our books will lose their commenting privileges. I am the author of the books. I originated them.
“But I want to die on this caramel hill…”
There are literally 10 books in the Kate Daniels series describing Julie as a blond. Stop being obstinate.
Now then, onto the story. Do not eat or drink anything while reading this.
Kid 2, calling on facetime at eleven thirty at night: Hey Mom.
Me: What’s wrong?
Kid 2: Didn’t Kid 1 tell you my sad story?
Kid 2: Okay. Here goes.
It must be said that Kid 2 lives on her own and is very proud of her little rental house. It’s spotless, despite the presence of two German Shepherds, and endless adjustments are made to the art, rugs, and decorations.
Kid 2: I had a very long day. I studied for my math exam and I cleaned the house, so I decided to take a shower so I would be clean and smell nice. I was really tired. I took my time. I conditioned my hair. Before showering, I turned Roomba on just in case I missed anything vacuuming.
Me, thinking: I know where this is going. Artha and Quincy must’ve eaten Roomba. Go on. What happened?
Kid 2: My model of Roomba is very smart. You know it vacuums and mops.
Kid 2: I come out of the shower and the house reeks. I run to the living room in a towel. While I was in the shower, someone – probably Artha – had upset stomach and made an accident.
Me: Oh no.
Kid 2: Roomba detected the accident and vacuumed over it. There are poop trails all across the floor. It smeared the poop all over the living room, and in the kitchen, and over the cute kitchen rug I bought…
Me, trying to keep from hysterically laughing.
Kid 2: And then it must’ve detected the stain on the floor, because it decided to mop the trail of poop it made. I run into the living room and there is Roomba, squirting poop water all over the place and whirling around in it, while the dogs are hiding on the couch.
Kid 2, looking haggard: An hour, Mom. It took me an hour to clean everything and sanitize the floor. Roomba is gone, the rug is gone…. I got so stressed out, I cleaned the kitchen counters just because they were there.
Mess detection: 5 stars.
Floor coverage: 5 stars.
Rescuing happily spinning Roomba from a puddle of poop water: priceless.