Me, to a friend: No matter how many times I say it, they just don’t get it. It’s like I am speaking Tusken or something.
Friend: I am pretty sure they speak Italian in Tuscany. There is a Tuscan dialect, but…
Me: No, Tus-KEN. You know, Sand People? On Tatooine? ::making growling noises:: Rawr rawr, krayt dragon?
Friend: Ilona, you’re a very smart woman, but sometimes you are so weird.
Me: … there is a term specifically for making a speech in Congress that’s aimed at your constituents and has nothing to do with taking care of business at hand.
Jeaniene Frost: Grandstanding?
Me: No, there is a term. There is a specific term. Why can’t I remember what it is… Gordon, you had a minor in political science. What is it called?
Gordon, raising his voice so Jeaniene can hear through the phone: I have no idea what she is on about.
Me: Nevermind. I’ll remember it.
Fifteen minutes later, in the middle of a completely unrelated business topic
Me: Buncombe speeches! That’s what it’s called and it’s called that because some dude from North Carolina got up after a month of debates about admitting Mississippi as a free state and started rambling and saying nonsense, and when other Congressmen called him on it, he told them he was talking not to Congress but to people of Buncombe county of North Carolina. That’s where terms bunk and debunk come from…
Jeaniene Frost and Gordon: …
Nice contractor person: Did you write all these books?
Me, distracted by work: Yes.
Nice contractor person: What’s this one about?
Me: It’s about a small bed and breakfast in a Texas town that secretly welcomes aliens from outer space.
Nice contractor person: So like, aliens with big heads?
Me: No, they are more like space vampires, and space werewolves, and like giant hedgehogs.
Nice contractor person: So like monsters?
Me: Not always. Sometimes there are cute space philosopher chickens.
Nice contractor person: … How do they sleep at the inn?
Me, smiling: In cute custom coops.