It’s Monday! Before you boo, we’re ushering in a week when classic museum heists are back on the news, the clocks are about to turn back, and it’s hard to focus pocus on anything but tricks and treats.
The immortal Texan wereferret hedgehog diaspora fun in Friday’s comment section have once again proven that we are a mighty Horde in STEM (shenanigans, tomfoolery, escapades and mischief). What better time to encourage a little creative BDH chaos?
There are famous subreddits called Explain a Book (or Movie) Plot Badly, where people summarize beloved stories so inaccurately, they become masterpieces.
Think:
Professional nephew goes on long walk and loses jewellery.
Lord of the Rings
Or:
Girl lands her man after she dries her hair, shows off her legs and stops talking.
The Little Mermaid
Naturally, we must try this with Ilona Andrews books. Here’s my go at the first one:
Ex-warlord with attachment issues discovers the power of cows, gardening, and unconditional love after cursing at a unicorn.
I know you can do worse!
Pick an Ilona Andrews book, novella, or even a free snippet and explain the plot badly in the comments. Be as misleading as possible while staying technically accurate. If your summary makes another reader snort tea out their nose or makes Ilona message me with “MOD R, NO!” you’re doing it right.
Go forth, BDH. Confuse newcomers, alarm Goodreads, and make Caldenia proud.
Woman swallowed by giant turtle, seeks help from local Women’s group.
And gives birth in that turtle!
Love it!
Man who destroyed city’s when he was in de army, discovers destroying some parts of the city to save it equals summer in a kiss.
This old lady does not horde cats but tanks. Yet you still want her as your own grandmother.
Fed up with unsightly debris, a timely sale promised hope to weary maintenance workers….a three coil liquefier!!
Government worker adopts a rescue dog while on a business trip. Mayhem ensues!
Good one!
a lady paladin in onyx armor must reluctantly team up with a dragon, a doppelganger, and a widowed rat catcher seeking revenge. together they must infiltrate the sorcerous hoards occupying a seers palace to steal the cache of secrets left by a murdered lover. as they explore, they endure a game of cat and mouse with a puppet master and an assassin. facing off against their footsoldiers and demons, our motley heros fight to put an end to an ambitious plot to overthrow the nation
Exotic location wedding guests decide they don’t want to leave. Location residents, led by a widow, her young daughter and her maybe fiance, lead the fight to make the guests regret their decision.
A female government agent takes on some solo work and drastically levels up her resume.
And gets a new dog
Love this one!!!!
His family was destroyed, so this single father will not stop until he sings his revenge.
He sang the song of is people before snatching an eye while thinking, how dare you shout at me you pointed ear coward.
A Bayou Royal searches for something lost. A broken Furry forced back into service. Only together will they find what they truly need.
Chef lures the love of CEO with baking pastries, classic literature and dahlias.
Priest complains about christmas, and faces his past to find love.
Woman with Dog walks through a cave, fights insects and saves spider babies and when coming out again is admired by a hunk
I love this!!
Let me try!!!
A nepo baby with daddy issues and sister complex gets fired by his father and realizes the real costs of living and trying to keep afloat his enterprise without daddy’s money.
Girl hides from her daddy so she can play with swords and cats.
Misunderstood genius betrayed by his wife, best friend, and family.
-Roland POV
Hahahahahahaha
Lonely single female adopts a (very large) cat. Finds inner peace (and world peace) by working out her anger issues.
Middle aged single mother discovers her dog a better friend than any man. Again.
*discovers her dog is a better companion
Two combative CEO’s ban together over Coorporate Espionage and end up dancing to divorce their cheating spouses so they can go on vacation as a couple.
Exotic location wedding guests decide they don’t want to leave and attempt a hostile takeover. A beautiful widow, her young daughter and her maybe fiance, lead the fight to make these malcontents realise bad decisions have ripper cushions.
A woman gets some extra time on a business trip, so she adopts a dog and takes him on a long walk.
Half orphan after managing an animal shelter for a short while, leaves with only one kitten.
Man rolls out the carpet for meet cute at the park. Several hours later, the thirst is real.
Teen with performance anxiety and self-esteem issues thinks handsome internet idol couldn’t possibly really like her.