Book Devouring Horde: TNG

As you all know, Ilona and Gordon are currently deep in the writing cave finishing Maggie 2. The cave door is closed. ASMR keyboard clatter can be heard faintly in the distance.

If you look at the homepage, you’ll see a new countdown clock to the release of This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me. Nineteen days and counting.

With Maggie arriving so soon, there will be an influx of fans to our ranks. New blood and ideas, fresh, innocent Horde recruits for us to corrupt into our Dushegub ways. Obviously, we cannot simply throw them into the middle of things without preparation. That would be irresponsible.

These are some of the field notes I’ve gathered after years of careful study. The list is not complete, and I will require your assistance to improve it.

• Devouring: goes without saying. The book is finished ideally within hours of release. Extra points if you manage to ask about the sequel on the same day.
  
• Character Adoption Program: main sponsored charity of the BDH. Any character who appears on page can be instantly adopted by the Horde. We will demand to know their entire life story, “Is there a scene about how …” emotional journey, and future romantic prospects. (Puffles4Ever. Klaus Klaus Klaus, barsa barsa barsa. Never forget!)
  
• Petition habits: already hinted at above, the BDH mobilization on request-protocol is famous fandoms over. Teasing us with characters? Jokes about books that don’t exist? We make them happen. Been there, done that, have the ebook, paperback and audio to prove it. Who’s laughing now?
  
• Rereading conspiracies: The first read is for enjoyment. The 24 subsequent rereads are for enjoyment and investigation. Why did Linus sneeze right there? Could it mean that he’s actually Augustine in disguise and what does Sergeant Teddy have to say about this? No such thing as “small detail from Chapter 3” and we all know it.
  
• Announcement Analysis: A casual announcement, cover reveal, or unassuming sentence in a blog post such as “we are working on something”. The Horde studies this information carefully. Rest assured, we’ll get to the bottom of what it really means. The rumour mill always grinds.

Please add your observations in the comments so we can continue expanding the newcomer guide.

For those wishing to determine their precise Horde alignment, the classification quiz is available below.

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Which BDH team do you belong in?

Ah, the Book Devouring Horde. Whether you're sprinting off into the wilderness of speculation, hold firmly to the foundations of fact, vibrate with anticipation, or discuss everything into the ground- we are a force of nature. Where do you stand, when you stand with us?

1 / 9

Someone shipped Julie and Saiman. Your first instinct is:

Metal Rose Metal Rose Metal ROOOOOSE!

That’s interesting. I want to hear them out.

Burn it! With FIRE! Burn it with BEAVERS!

Yu Fong? Sure. Ascanio? Maybe. Derek? Most likely, based on all the evidence. Saiman makes no sense. Explain yourself.

2 / 9

Ilona has posted an April Fools' joke about a new book. What do you do?

I’ve already requested it from my local librarians and added it to Goodreads, where it has over a thousand reviews so…good luck on keeping this a prank lol

I immediately checked the date and figured out it’s a prank. But you know, they say in every joke there's a kernel of truth…

I go on an emotional rollercoaster before realizing the truth. And another one after realizing the truth.

No backsies. You said it, you write it, we read it. It is known.

3 / 9

There's a new snippet on the blog. How do you react?

I devour it immediately, thank you!

I’m keeping it for a rainy day.

What about the other series? Does this snippet mean there won't be any more from other series? Have you abandoned them?

Nooooo, I forgot it was a snippet! I got so lost in it and then it was over! Please, House Andrews, may we have some more?

4 / 9

House Andrews tell us that "The next Innkeeper book will be the end of the missing parents series arc". What does this mean to you?

There will never be any more Innkeeper books. We won't find out about Maud! Orro will never cook again! PAPERCUT TO MY SOUL! I told you they sold the series to the muskrats!

End of the series arc doesn't mean the end of the series. They can have several adventures after that, it's a wide Galaxy out there.

Proposal: You write several Gertrude Hunt novellas. Then a Klaus novel. Followed by Helen's series. How Dina met Beast. An Arbitrators Saga, the Jack Camarine spin off, heavily featuring Gaston’s Baha-char business ventures. How Caldenia came to the Inn and other Dominion misadventures and then a Drifen trilogy. Do you wish to discuss?

I do want to know what happens and all the answers, but I don't want it to end. But I’ll preorder it as soon as it’s available!

5 / 9

It’s release day of a new Ilona Andrews book, what do you comment?

I don't comment, I'm DEVOURING!

A long review on the blog. Spoilers might slip. I'm emotionally compromised.

Review on book review sites, questions on the blog release thread.

When is the next one coming out?

6 / 9

How do you react to the three words most dreaded by the Horde: w*it, p*tience, d*lay?

Steady ON. You know there are kids around, right?

It’s not the best, but life happens. We are still beloved.

House Andrews have quit writing. It’s because of all the graphic novels. They'll never go back to real books.

We will murder the words. Patience is futile! Waiting is the mind killer! Delays are the enemy!

7 / 9

House Andrews mention a new character in passing. What's your first thought?

I update my characters chart but wait for more concrete information before making any assumptions.

Never heard the name before, so it's clearly Augustine’s long lost sibling. This means an Arabella trilogy is in the works, with this character as a love interest. And it sounds like an Innkeeper cross-over. I have to tell my friends!

Does this mean a new book? Hope the wait won’t be too long! But aren’t you working on Hugh 2?

If nothing else is put forth in the next 10 working days, I’ll be sure to drop a reminder on the blog. We must discuss!

8 / 9

A serial or snippet you want to reread has been archived on the blog. How do you react?

We wish to discuss! Vociferously!

That’s what the Snippet Dark Web is for. I meet with the underground BDH in absconded corners of the internet, and we make the relevant snippet/spoiler trade off.

The Void is darkness, the Void is peace, I am within it, wrapped in its cold embrace...

The authors had their reasons. Hopefully we'll see a final edit of it published.

9 / 9

A BDH colleague posts a theory you don’t agree with:

That’s interesting, I like the way you think. I would even agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Your first mistake is that you haven’t taken this far enough! What you first need to understand is that every.single.shifter is a First...

Live and let conspire. I’ll watch how it plays out, and maybe even get a House Andrews answer out of it.

Ever considered doing the action known as “putting two and two together”?

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