Do you ever take dialogue heard in real life and use it in your books?
Absolutely. We steal from the blog comments as well, although we always say when we do it.
“He’s accessing our confidential files,” Orida hissed.
“Yes. I felt that much was obvious.” Drewery stared at Matias with naked hatred. “How?”
“Cassida gifted you a lovely vintage Second Wave toaster for your collection,” Matias said.
What? “You hacked them through a malignant toaster?”
“More or less.”
Hey Hannah. ::wiggles fingers in Hannah’s direction:: Credit will be given in Acknowledgments.
When co-writing dialogue, do you split characters between you or do you both “speak” the same characters?
Gordon usually does male characters and I do female, but it’s not a strict division of labor. We trade back and forth, especially if one of us thought of a funny.
Luciana Cabera and her daughter lived in River Oaks, less than seven minutes away from Linus on foot, in a seven-million-dollar mansion. The 8,500 square foot home, designed by Mathew Chesterfield, sat in the middle of a manicured acre and was built in what Alessandro started calling Houston European style, meaning it was a pseudo-Mediterranean beige stucco house with a colonnade and an inexplicable round turret of brown stone that matched nothing else.
Alessandro grimaced as we pulled up to the house and parked Rhino behind a stereotypical black SUV with federal license plates.
He gave me a pained look. “Why does it have a turret, Catalina? Are they expecting an army of medieval knights and trebuchets?” [Me.]
“You never know,” I told him. [Gordon]
“It’s a Tuscan colonnade interrupted by a Scottish turret with Tudor windows.” [Joint effort after much looking at architecture and googling things. I swear we need an architect expert.]
“You can hold on to my hand. I’ll lead you in so you can avert your eyes.” [Me.]
We based it on an actual house. There is such a thing in River Oaks. Not linking it here, but you can find it if you look at homes for sale. Aim at the upper range.
What’s the best quirk you think you’ve given any of your characters?
Bug stirred in his seat. “Catalina, do not marry this dickfucker. There are better birds in the sea.” He turned to my mom and said, “Pardon my French.”
“It’s not rocket surgery.”
I groaned and rolled onto my stomach, looking for the phone on the floor with my hand. My fingers finally found it. I pulled it up and peered at it. Bug. I swiped to answer.
“Tell that cockalorum he owes me a new drone.”
A drone plunged from the sky and hovered near me.
“Do not shoot this down, you shit weasel!” Bug yelled.
Rocket surgery. Hehehe.
I ???? Bug. He is hilarious!
Me too. He is wonderful
Yes!!! Wish I can come up with swear words. Lol.
Have to agree. The comments from Bug never fail to amuse me, especially the mangled metaphors. Hehehe. In general I love the conversations and all the snarky insults.
Thanks for the snippet!
Maria R. says
+1 on Bug.
I’ve a friend who’s born in North America yet manages to make odd sayings, such as “short end of the string”
Diane Wilson says
I love Bug-speak. I recognize the military influence; I was in the Navy for six years.
One of my favorites was describing someone who had too many choices to make, no time, and panicked. “He didn’t know whether to shit or go blind.”
Moderator R says
Bwahaha. When I heard that quote in Platoon I roared because it described my anxiety to a T 😀
My father was a soldier during WW2 and I heard that particular saying over and over again growing up. LOL. He was part of the Canadian forces, so it’s likely common to western military. Another saying I only ever heard from my dad over the years was, “Don’t talk assholes.” I never knew if that was an army thing, or a growing-up-in-the-slums-of-Toronto thing. My sisters and I laugh over that one all the time. As for Bug– love, love, love him.
One of my favorite Mil-speak sayings came from a USAF seargent when encouraging an airman to leave the cozy warm vehicle to work on the freezing flight-line.
“Un-ass that truck, airman!”
Here is one I always heard while in the Marines. “Practice does not make perfect, it only makes permanent. PERFECT practice makes perfect.
trailing wife says
Bug is smart enough to be doing it on purpose, for his own secret amusement.
Bug’s smart, but scattered. I think he tends to just reach for whatever metaphor/swear word he can grab from the overworked engine that is his brain and spit it out. They get mangled in the process, but he doesn’t care.
I love Bug. What a great character! Glad to hear he makes you laugh as much as he makes your readers laugh!
If the River Oaks house is the one I think it is, its price has dropped 10% recently. It’s practically a steal for the neighborhood.
Diane Wilson says
Another mil-speak: Marine gunnery sergeant, going to get a haircut. “I’m going to get my ears lowered.”
DeAnna Dear says
This saying has widespread use in the US Army as well.
Diane Wilson says
(language warning!) Another mil-speak: Person is copying Morse code that is being sent by hand. Suddenly the incoming code speeds up and becomes wildly erratic. “That son-of-a-bitch is sending code with his crank!”
Diane Wilson says
IBM-speak: (in the old days, IBM ran a lot like the Air Force) Person in meeting has derailed discussion and is obsession over a small and irrelevant point, blocking more important issues. “He’s milking a mouse.”
Oh, that one’s hilarious. I hope I remember it and throw it out at the appropriate time.
Thanks for that! I sent that to my husband. I think he might find a use for it in his meetings. ????
Sue F says
And then there’s the opposite corporate-speak: “he’s trying to boil the ocean”, for someone who is totally unable to focus…
That’s actually a normal saying in Germany. ”Das ist zum Mäusemelken!” The translation would be: ”That’s for milking mice.” We use it to express that something is driving us pretty crazy because it’s just not working. Normally it’s said with a lot of frustration.
We have weird sayings here.
Ooh I call those issues deck chairs. As in “rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” They’re also called bike sheds.
I looooove that character ????????
I just love Bug. His dialogue is the best. I was so sad for him when he lost Napoleon. I think someone asked about his HEA. He has progressed so much under House Rogan. Maybe it’s possible? If not he needs another faithful companion.
Didn’t he already get another dog? I thought Catalina brought him one, but maybe hers just visited him and I’m not thinking clearly. ????????♀️
Catalina brought Shadow to see him, and he asked, “Is it too soon?”, decided it was not, and brought out the milk bone left over from Napoleon’s reign.
Thanks for that! ????
I love Bug. Every time he enters a scene I enjoy it.
So I have to ask if Bug is doomed? I know they’ve extended his life beyond what was normal for swarmers but is he okay?
Erm, I think Bug’s okay. He’s exceptionally compatible with the swarmers which is why he’s still alive and swearing.
One of the many many many reason I love Hidden Legacy, the side characters are the best! Bug, Grandma Frida, even the Maderos, tough as nails grandfather with dim-witted Dave and Frank. It makes the pages come alive!
Bug is one of the best obviously, the creative name calling gets a giggle ever time.
Same! I always know I’m going to get the perfect mix of hilarity, drama and action in this series and the side characters steal the show.
A Bug & Grandma Frida vignette would be amazing.
Yes! I love the Grandpa Madero and Nevada exchange. “I ain’t scare of you or your Memaw!” And something about tearing her neck out and shitting down her throat, and cantankerous old bastard… Hahaha, love it
Oh Bug. No matter how bad my day is going, Bug always provides a lift. I bet you’re surprised at the fandom following for him. Never get enough. ????
Natasha Johnson says
I love yalls humor!!! I looked at the house if it’s the right one (26 million?) and can see why Alessandro is not amused by it lol. It’s not ugly but it definitely has a feel of the architect wasn’t sure exactly which style he/she loved more.
By the way Bug is one of my favorites I always crack up when he is talking.
There’s one in the same area listed for $7 million that I think may be it. It has the stucco, columns, and random turret.
Natasha Johnson says
I’ll have to go look I didn’t see that one!
DeAnna Dear says
There’s another one that is considerably smaller, just over 6500 sqft, and cheaper, just under 2 mil, but is spot on with the brown stone turret and the Tudor windows. Also, the turret has a metal roof. I can see Alessandro wanting to avert his eyes. When did turrets become a thing in Texas architecture?
It’s a ….. style…. in that particular part of town. But! They also have the best Christmas light displays in the city!
Love the surprise snippet, love Bug! (Wonder if we’ll ever learn his backstory)
Also, whenever I Catalina snippets, I do so with Emily Rankin’s voice in my mind and I’m not mad about that, haha.
read* (thought too fast and my fingers skipped a word, oops ????)
…..Or maybe a Bug’s life short POV story on any of his memorable scenes involving any of the Baylor sisters …?
McMansionHell is a gift. I love her roasting of bizarro architecture. She was doing the 70s but I haven’t seen anything from her in a while. Bad design lives on, however!
I also got a basic architectural education from McMansionHell. She did a series on different types of architecture, history, and specific features, like columns or windows. Plus she is so funny.
Patricia Schlorke says
I agree with all the other Bug comments. He is one of a kind. He knows how to make a building booby trapped to the point no one had seen anything like it since the Army. ????????????????
I’m trying not to spoil that scene for those who haven’t read the book.
Karen Alonzi says
Today I heard someone say, “Her face looked like she sucked 15 lemons out of a donkey’s butt.” Hello, Bug?
Diane Wilson says
Another old mil-speak: “… out of the south end of a north-bound mule.”
Okay, my long-lost Oklahoma background just tackles over that one!
Diane Lang says
Ha, Ha, Ha! Love Bug’s mangled metaphors. Always make me laugh! 😀
Its no longer called rocket science. Its now ‘ballistics engineering.’
Doesn’t that one only apply to projectiles, not rockets?
Yay Bug! He’s so awesome!
Honestly, I started seeing this kind of architecture back in the late 80’s in the Oklahoma City suburbs. It was mind boggling then as it is now.
Donna McDonald says
Your blog posts are as entertaining as your stories. Thanks for the laughs today. I really needed them. Rocket surgery. Ha… brilliant!
Yesss! The hackable Smart Toaster makes its debut!! (remember reading that comment thread on this blog )
Also, I agree that Bug has the best verbal quirks. Bug is reason #895 as to why this series should be adapted to film or TV. I would love to see someone perform that dialogue out loud in front of an audience.
Yes yes yes! Alan Tudyk as Bug, please!
Or Simon Pegg!
I’ve always imagined Bug as Simon Pegg. His Star Trek character is almost spot on, except for the lack of creative swearing.
Or DJ Qualls as Bug.
That would be my pick as well.
Vote Mackenzie Crook for Bug or bug out! 😉
Architecture expert needed? Pick me, pick me!!!
I was waiting for a volunteer! I wish it was me, but I’m only a lover of houses. I have no real architecture knowledge. ????
I love how you make your side characters three dimensional, Bug being a perfect example.
Emily L says
After driving through the lovely town of Louisiana, MO and seeing the many turreted homes I feel that all two (or more) story stone houses would benefit from a turret. But they should be built seamlessly with the same building materials and be the same color. There is a house just outside of St. Louis that has a turret rising up from the corner of the second story, which is smaller than the first story. The house is set at an angle from the street, so it looks like they have a tower coming out of the middle of their house. The house has grey vinyl siding and the turret is red brick. I feel this is an unacceptable use of a turret. Such a waste. ????
I’m currently visiting my sister in St. Louis. Yesterday we drove through some of the older neighborhoods with 100+ year old homes. Many turrets, most were beautiful ???? But I agree with you, the add ons to modern homes are not so attractive.
Patricia Schlorke says
I agree. There are neighborhoods in St. Louis that are trying, at least when I lived in the area, to keep any add ons to the architecture of the house.
A lot of the old towns in upstate New York have some wonderful eclectic architecture -often a soup of Gothic and Romanesque architecture – or did back in my graduate school days. Ancient history though, perhaps they have all vanished in the decades since.
Audry PARKER says
Love Bug and all the comments! Stepdad used most of the “military speak” shared here. Good memories. Thanks for the grins.
Bug’s curses are the best!!
At the end of a long day, I open your blog and sometimes there is a post like this and I am very happy.
This blog is one of my only browsing habits. I try to reduce all social media, Youtube, etc., because it all melts my brain. But I love coming here. Thank you. This goes far beyond publicity. This is donating your time to present wonderful treats to your fans. <3
Hehehe! Bug is one of my favorites ❤️
I, too, love Bug. But I have to wonder now why everything he says makes perfect sense to me and seems very logical. It’s as if his mind works too fast for the human world around him, sometimes. I don’t see his dialogues as being “quirky” because they all sound right to me.
Hmm… Perhaps this says something about my own sanity?
Bug is such a treasure!
‘Rocket surgery’ and ‘dickfucker’ are two of the many many reasons we your writing. You’re both awesome.
Bill G says
????????????❤️ your blogs and all the BDH comments. I am on the Bug band wagon. Today’s comments reminded me of some of my Dad’s sayings:
He’s got as much use for that as a hog has for a saddle
You’re straining gnats and swallowing elephants
Let’s put a peg down here and keep walking around the stump. We’ll circle back to it.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions and you’re halfway there. Time to turn around and come back
Dianna Kilgore says
My parents too.” Strain at a gnat and swallow a camel” “She’s ugly as the south end of a north bound mule.” I heard stuff like that all the time growing up.
Sara B. says
Thank you … that was a bit of fun on a day where I have 4 “Teams” meetings.
Talky the Toaster on Red Dwarf lives on!
sara B. says
Oh, and I adore Bug/Abraham … I hope he gets a happily ever after, although it sounds like working for Rogan might be HEA to him.
I do believe that Bug might be my spirit animal. Thanks for the funnies!
Alison Parker says
Bug is my second favorite character. I have started to use some of his expressions. Renee did such a great job with his voice. You’re both so inventive with the words. Thank you! ????
Leon will always have my heart❣️
But then again,. Alessandro…..
Louise Perry says
I recommend your checking this out. Kate Wagner is quite knowledgeable architecturally speaking.
I love Bug too. 🙂 I’m glad we still get to have Bug in the none Nevada focused novels.
Stealth spy toaster!! ????
And Bug!!! ????️
Thank you!! ????????????????????
Live your characterization and humour. Just gave my sister Burn for me.
She’s totally hooked and before we spoke again had hurried up to Catalina! We had so much fun exchanging favorite lines.
One of mine.
Organ: You were probably conceived because your parents loved each other.” “According to our mother,” Bern said, “he was conceived because she was too wasted to remember a rubber.” Mad Rogan stopped chewing. “I was conceived because my mother skipped bail. Her boyfriend at the time threatened to call the cops on her, so she had to do something to keep him from doing it,” Bern said helpfully. Awesome. Just the right kind of information to share.
I thought that one was fantastic too.
Bug is one of my favorites! And it’s so neat to have more insight to how you all create dialogue!
Hahaha, ‘There are better birds in the sea.’ That line always makes me laugh. I love Bug!
Love Bug. 🙂
Fun! It sounds like for the architecture, you each handled your respective continental perspective rather than gender.
Bug is such a cool character. He never fails to crack me up.
I got to use one of my favourite lines the other day. I was chatting to my teenage son while preparing fruit. He informed me I’m not as funny as I think I am. I smiled down at the fruit and replied “I’m very funny. Just ask Peaches”.
Ann M says
I am thinking that instead of purchasing a House, it may have been wiser to buy a small zoo. Or, a medium size zoo. I would argue against biting the bullet and going straight to a large zoo because there will be a couple of tigers and an elephant that need new homes. Cute kitten.
kIm Hurt says
Gotta love some Bug
Valerie in CA says
*holding my stomach*. I live for Bug’s dialogue
DeAnna Dear says
Okay, after about 15 minutes browsing high end River Oaks homes on Zillow, I am blown away by so many examples of people having more money than taste. And it kind weirded me out that I just heard that in Victoria Tremaine’s voice.
Patricia Schlorke says
Or you could say their taste is in their mouth. My mom would say that when she saw something gaudy. ????
As someone who has OCD and a love of architecture, let me just say that your attention to detail has been noticed and much appreciated.
Lorrie Thompson says
Bug is definitely one of the more colorful characters I’ve ever read. And he feels so real, too. I feel like I could walk into a room and find him, say hi, and wince at what he might say back 🙂 .
Do we ever get to find out why Bug volunteered to become a swarmer, what he did with the money, or why he’s still alive?
Elizabeth Reich says
<3 Rocket Surgery! Our family almost exclusively uses Rocket Surgery, unless we are talking to friends that work in Aerospace. Then, we *aggressively* use Rocket Science.
Bug and Orro are my favorite side characters.
“it’s not rocket surgery” was a common phrase on the bocce courts in these parts back when I played in the league, 20-plus years ago. Along with “measure once, cut twice” (many carpenters played bocce). Not “cockalorum” though. I’m sure they wish they’d thought of that one. I also love Bug-speak, and Bug. I hope he gets another dog.
Also if you’re looking for architecture snark, can’t do better than this https://mcmansionhell.com/ – Twitter feed: https://twitter.com/mcmansionhell
“It’s not rocket surgery.” Is probably the best line I’ve ever read. I love that line.
Love Bug! Hehehe!
I can’t help but chuckle at everything Bug says! he’s a great character! Thanks!!!
Love Bug, he makes me laugh
Bug needs Sassy. Then he would think he was rescuing her so it would be okay.
Hehe this was worth quite a few chuckles, thanks.
I flew in to my baby cousin’s wedding in River Oaks, in a very tiny, humble venue (but elegant, of course). It was a small party anyways. The Lyft driver that picked me up from my hotel was quite impressed at the destination he was taking me at and made sure I knew it.
Which reminds me… the other Lyft driver that took me back from another dinner on a different day, however, was a bizarre experience. As soon as she picks me up she says she needs to fill up on gas. As soon as she arrives at the gas station, she says she really needs to buy something to drink. As she’s finally heading back, another guy who acts like he knows her tries to sell her a small self-help book, which she needs to scrounge around for some change for (and after like a 5 minute conversation). I’m debating whether to get out and find another Lyft (in a neighborhood I’m not familiar with), or just bear with it. I’m counting the minutes till I finally make it safe and sound to the hotel.
It was like a spooky, real-life rendition of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” that I’d care not to repeat. Ah, Houston….
Omg, Bug’s epithets are the absolute best. “Cockalorum” and “shit weasel” should be enshrined for all time.
I needed that smile hehehe
I feel your pain. I am a Europe travel writer by trade and the architecture stuff KILLS me. The lack of good books for noobs hampers my work. I have a friendquaintence who is a professional architect and I highly recommend cultivating one.
Hahaha! I love learning about your writing process ???????????? thank you!!
Kelly M says
OMG I found the house. ????????????
We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it
I’ve also heard, “We’ll bomb that bridge while we’re on it.”
George Bailey says
Good ol’ Bug, lol
Rocket surgery. Is that what they did when they fixed the HST?
Big is great. He deserves a puppy.
Hehehe I love Bug????
Maybe Luciana Cabera or her daughter wants to be a princess carried away by her very own prince. Don’t you need a tower to be carried away from?
Or, just, you know, a cool view while you sit and read. I had a friend growing up who lived in an old Victorian and there was a turret that had great window bays to lounge in.
These were all awesome snippets. The whole post was joyful and raised my spirits.
Sabrina S says
I love that Bug’s quirk is your favorite because my family is always laughing about me mixing metaphors, but the laughter often turns to groans as I doubled down and insist my metaphor makes more sense.
Really rough day, bless you! Perfect lighthearted irreverent topic. Thank you!
Or as Mr. Burns says, “Oh Smithers, don’t be ridiculous! This isn’t rocket science, it’s brain surgery! Now hand me that ice cream scoop.” (One of the Treehouses of Horror, when he is playing Dr, Frankenstein on Homer.)
Because of this quote, I categorize programmers (my community) as either rocket scientists or brain surgeons, depending on their technique for tackling problems.
Enjoying the weather & reading your blog as always.
But just had a question buzzing in my brain while reading the blog & comments????…… (like Bug?????) what happens to Bug & Rogan’s security who live opposite to the Baylor wearhouse because it is no longer safe for them????? And Granny’s garage? ????And Matilda & Cornilias family space when they stay at the warehouse?????
Are they just moving their living arrangements but will still work fron the old location althoughbit is nolonger safe?????
I am having a brain freeze due to too many questions that need answers. I need to create and join a new BDHRA ASAP. ????
The BDHRA ???? ????would be a “book devouring hoard readers anonymous group for IA readers who are experiencing symptoms of acute-onset “summer” fan-xiety waiting for the new book birthday coz the book-release date still feels too far, existing still in the minds of the artists previously known as Authorlords.”????????????????????
Love emojis & reading this blog anyday anytime.????????
Maybe “BDHRAG” ASAP.???? Haven’t quite thought this through coz my mind is on to other things????…..(like Bug?????)
Oye I need coffee, the liquid fuel of gods.
I clicked on the blog not really expecting to see any new posts and to my joy, my day is very much improved – thank you guys.
PS I’m also a Bug fan, as well as a Bern fan, as well as a Rogan fan….
I’ll stop now 😉
I have to say I use “dickfucker” in my head.all.the.time. — When driving.
Lynn Thompson says
Thank you, Ilona Andrews for the post. Titan is concerned as I am ROFLOL and leaking body fluids. The cat could care less as long as her cat chow appears on time. ????
Thanks for the insight. I personally always thought of you two as a functional team because your characters made sense in social gender things.
Bug has always tickled me. Ie. “Dickfucker” and “cockalorum”. I use words like Manure, Drat, Darn and Bless their heart. Well, Mother believed in the soap method when I was growing up. So I really appreciate Bugs vocabulary widening. ????????
Thank you for another fun peek into the process;
Your banter is one of the reasons I enjoy your books so much!
Bug is so colorful -he adds a lot of zest and spice to the stories. Have you considered telling Bug’s origin story as a short story or in some other way?
It would be fun to learn where ‘baby Bug’ learned to cuss so fluidly 😉
Every HL book makes me snort and full out belly laugh several times. The writing of all the character’s personas are masterful. We all need a Bug in our life! I’m watching your blog like duck on rice for more snippets!
I love Bug and hope we get to see him welcome a new puppy to his heart. I love all the series, your unique voice(s) and attention to detail has utterly hooked me. It shows how well you collaborate and it truly is the secret to the richness and depth. Thank you!
Also, I’m a licensed architect and a professor. I’d be happy to volunteer to provide assistance. Please feel free to contact me.
Taylor Sonoskey says
I know you guys were mostly joking, but if you ever do need an architecture expert, I’m an architect in Phoenix (we’re no Texas, but we have our share of pseudo-European atrocities) and I adore every book you have ever written. You’re doing pretty great without one though, I’m in Houston all the time to visit in-laws and you absolutely nail it. Very much enjoyed your thoughts on Texas castles 🙂
Other Barbara says
As I listen, and re-listen to the series I try to imagine your developing a life partner for Bug. Often a millionaire, hyper polite, well groomed person, who either became a swarmer or is an etiquette instructor.
Anything but a women or man just like him. He deserves love.
Nina Turner says
Baculum – another interesting word to potentially use as an insult 🙂 My kids educated me on this after watching a science video on youtube. I didn’t know this existed.
Yet another mil-speak non-commissiond officer aka Sarge, to Grunt (corporal and lower) ” if I tell you a mosquito can pull that tank, hook him up!”
I wanted to chime in to say that I thought the scene when Catalina was imagining Bug’s report to Rogan was BRILLIANT. It was immediately identifiable as an attempt at emulating Bug, but still in Catalina’s voice:
“Hey, so you’ll never believe this dick fart thing: they want me to find Alessandro Sagredo. The gnome molester apparently stabbed somebody, and your sister wants to marry him. She’s paying me a fortune to find him before he kills again and ruins the romance. She believes the dimwit shit-for-brains can be redeemed, I guess, by the love of a good woman. Isn’t that just reindeer balls?”
It’s like the dialogue equivalent of Mel Blanc doing Bugs Bunny doing Daffy Duck.
Judy Schultheis says
When you finally get to Arabella’s trilogy, I do hope Leon and Bug are featured. Those three are my undoubted favorites among the Baylor crew.
I love all the rest of them, too; but those three are my favorites.
This entry was FUN!! Thank you!
As a fellow Luciana I am really really REALLY hoping that this character turns out to not be awful. And I get another reason I can’t wait to read the next installment!
River Tallmadge says
I use “rocket surgery” in real life. So far nobody has commented but I can’t tell if they haven’t noticed or are just used the this nonsense by now…
In reference to your architectural search: This is old news, but something that I saw yesterday on YT on the word ‘googling’ and why Google gets snippy about it.
Donna D says
I love Bug!!!
Don’t know why it took me so long to focus on it. but there is a major leak in the warden network if Arkan knows about both Linus and Catalina.
Que serious spooky soundtrack.
I’d be happy to assist you with architectural questions! I’m an architect and teach architecture and sustainability. Otherwise, here are some helpful quick lookup guides. A great house style book: A Field Guide to American Houses. A general reference for American architecture (USA): What Style Is It?
I have to leave this here because…. well, you know why!
Bug! Bug! Bug! Hehe!
I love Bug. I would like to see him end up with Sassy, Harper’s foofoo poodle (that she doesn’t deserve).