ILONA ANDREWS

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Elisabeth Wheatley and Instagram

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Put down whatever you are drinking.

A Hero From the Coffee Shop

On Hero Jobs in Romance Genres

Mind Blowing Sex

Hehehehe.

Elisabeth is an author. You can find her website here: https://elisabethwheatley.com/. Her Instagram feed is absolutely hilarious.

I haven’t read any of her work yet, but this one has a sorceress assassin in it, so I might check it out once I crawl out of the writing cave. 76,000 words. Another 25,000 and done. And done.

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Comments

  3. Thank you very much for The Disclaimer!!!

    ROFL – confusion with Self-Help Books?!?

    I was waiting for Paranormal to say, “Well Bless Their Heart!”

    Happy Friday!

  5. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    The confusing the fiction aisle with the self-help aisle made me glad I didn’t have anything to drink.

    Thanks for the Friday funny.

  6. 76 000 brand new sparkling spanking spigotting words! Woohoo!

    Got excited there with the sp words 😀

    • **Psst, Mod R, pumpkin spice is out in the US. Not sure if it’s available where you are yet. ☕️👻

      You sound like Elizabeth Wheaton. 😁😉🤣🤣🤣🤣

      • I had my first one last week on special access, thank you!

        It’s entirely too many temperatures to believe it’s autumn here, however 😛 . Wish I could give some back.

            • Not here in Texas. We’ve been boiling long enough. We’re finally, finally going to cool off and get some rain in the DFW area.

            • It’s 65° F just north of Chicago today. I’m probably the only one who’s happy with the much cooler weather. Many people here would be interested in the Celsius donation….

              • I’m in London like ModR and I think I can safely speak for all of us here when I say take them (it’s 1am and 22°C out still). As a country we don’t really do Aircon and housing is built to insulate. I’m melting in bed and contemplating finding a 24 hour Tesco and sleeping there.

            • I’ll take some! 5 to 8 degrees would be lovely, it’s still dropping to 7 Celsius overnight in NZ, and I have spring seedlings to plant and lambs I’m hand rearing…..

  9. Her content is hilarious. Those videos are 100% the reason I bought her book Daindreth’s Assassin and while I haven’t read it yet I am very excited to do so. Here’s to hoping I’ve found another series to love while I wait impatiently for more works from House Andrews.

  10. PS: major “Huzzah!!!”s for all the word counting and smithing going on. Pre-ordered Magic Strikes on Audible and counting down. I am over pumpkin spice this year and have instead succumbed to the iced Apple Crisp Espresso with Oatmilk – shaken, not stirred!

    • I would be aaaall over the Apple Crisp one if they had it in the UK. We get Maple Caramel instead, which is less exciting to me.

      • I would be up for maple caramels, with or without espresso in the mix. With a cup of tea. And then a nap!
        🍁🍬🍵

      • But what’s up with the ‘clotted cream brew’ or whatchamacallit…?! Anyone tried that one, and if so, is it any good…?

  11. Elizabeth Wheatley may have a succesful second/side career as a comedienne. 😁

    Pumpkin spice smoothies are now apparently a thing at Wendy’s. I just may have to hunt them down for a try! 🎃

  12. Thank you for telling me to put down my drink. I would have had to buy a new laptop after spitting it out while laughing.
    Very funny. She is definitely added to my Instagram and Now to find her books.
    Good luck in getting the 25000 words.
    Have a Great Weekend.

  13. “If the dingbats confuse the Fiction aisle with the self-help section, ain’t nothing much we can do.”

    On the one hand LOLOLOL. On the other hand, I know SO many teenage romance readers who grew up expecting to find the guy who knows exactly in what order to twiddle their dials for mind-blowing sex.

    • Ok, I got permission from my husband. We were friends for a while before we admitted we were crushing on each other. After one date, he complained to me about how, in his sexual experience, more women than not “don’t even know what they like — they expect me to know!”

      Fiction v. Self-help. Sad (and nonetheless hilarious) but true.

  15. She’s hilarious. I watch her on TikTok, and I feel so called out every time, but it still leaves me cackling.

  16. *horde making cheering noises* Write Write Write, so we eat well in the future!! *puts down pompoms*
    Thank you!

  17. I recently discovered her IG too! It’s become a highlight of my life lately as it is EPIC’ly entertaining. <3 I just submitted a request to my library to buy her assassin book. *crossed fingers*

  18. Lol!!!! I may have had some of those thoughts and had to bludgeon them unconscious with the baseball bat labeled “Willing Suspension of Disbelief.” Sometimes, I have to hit the thoughts 2 or 3 (or 10) times so I can finish the book 🤣

  19. 76,000 words. Another 25,000 and done… 🤩
    If they confuse the fiction aisle with the self-help aisle…. 😂

  20. Oh wow, she is very funny. I’m looking forward to reading her books. This is great coz I have been in book limbo waiting for the next awesome book by Ilona and Gordon. Hopefully this will be able to hold me over 🤞.

    As i am patiently awaiting the next book, I have been re-reading the Hidden Legacy series and I have a question. It’s probably been answered somewhere, but how old is Michael from the Record Keeper? In Wildfire, he is introduced as being in his mid-twenties. Also, do we know his last name?

    • He is confirmed by the authors to be about 19 when he is introduced in Wildfire🙂. So around 23-24 in Ruby Fever.
      Nevada thinks he looks mid-twenties, but she has a tendency to overestimate people’s age. Probably because of her rapid onset adulthood 😅.
      His clothing style and grim demeanour also create a sterner, more mature appearance. Especially when compared to her happy warm gaggle of teen siblings at home!

  21. Yay new words!!!

    Facebook kindly sends me lots of book related (idk why lol) videos/reels/whatever they’re called and hers are hilarious!! Thanks for sharing!

    I haven’t given in to product placement… yet. (I just finished a Hidden Legacy reread)

  22. Oh my! I am so glad I put down my coffee! That last line about the self help aisle would have been my downfall! I haven’t had pumpkin spice coffee yet this year but the Belvita pumpkin spice breakfast crackers are in. The Entermann’s pumpkin spice donuts and the apple ones were in the store today. It’s a lazy day for me. I’m making doll clothes for an 18 inch sized doll. So far I have a tankini with cover up skirt, a rainbow colored tutu and a black gingham dress with cherries on it and a big white collar. No housework today except dishes!

    • Any ideas on what colors or designs or types of outfits 4-8 year old girls like nowadays? I have tons of patterns and books with 18 inch doll clothes and even old Pleasant Company patterns from Goodwill! It’s getting cooler here and I feel like sewing and drinking hazelnut coffee.

      • I’m going to guess that you’d have to ask the girl(s) what they would like. Everything seems so individualized now that I’d hate to guess incorrectly. If I had to, bright colors seems to be big here (judging from the 7ish year olds that I see), but your mileage may vary. Also, leggings and scrunchies. Good luck! 🤗

        • Thank-You! I had not thought of scrunchies! I have small remnants and can make matching ones for the doll and girl! I made leggings from T-shirts in lime green, teal and pink as well as some matching tops. I also have peachy pink floral cotton with matching white prints. Those turned into the tankini and cover -up skirt. I also got 3 rainbow colored tutus done. It has been a productive and busy weekend!

            • I like dressing dolls for a local charity or Toys for Tots. I buy new dolls on sale and make 2 or 3 extra outfits to put in the box. I also crochet little blankets or hats for them. I haven’t worked on them for a few months since I had 4 baby showers to sew stuff for. The older cousins are starting to have great grand babies!

      • Pink, in all the shades, is the color right now. Every time something pink is shown on QVC or any other store, pink goes fast and sells out.

        • Thank-you, I will check my fabric stash for additional pink fabric. The rainbow stretchy netting I found has pink in it. Maybe I’ll make some shorts in a pink solid for under the tutus I made. I have a lot of 1930’s fabric I can make scrub tops for the dolls out of. The helpful comments have helped me get past my sewing block and I can branch out into other designs. Sometimes you just get frozen when you lose direction on a project. Again, Thank-you, your comments have really helped!

          • You are welcome. 🙂 Barbie is very much influencing the color schemes for fall (or spring in the Southern Hemisphere).

            I understand about getting frozen on a sewing project. I get like that sometimes when I have ideas in my head about what I want to sew and wear but get stuck at the pattern layout and cutting everything out.

            The sewing branch of the BDH to the rescue!

  24. OMG! I might finally join Instagram because of these! #askwxm made me finally join twitter…defenses are crumbling…😆

  25. Well, tough room.

    I’m one of the ones that uses fiction to shine a light on issues in my life.

    So I guess that makes me QueenoftheDingbats. I’m particularly fond of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens…the high priest/priestess of the Dingbats.

    Technically, I find the fact that history is full of all the same troubles on repeat just makes the Classics of fiction more helpful. One thing I always notice is that the court jester is always a bully and historically served the King as way of keeping him in touch with the masses. These days the Court Jester uses their power to make fun of the masses at the behest of the King. Social Media has caused tons of issues with depression, low self-esteem, envy etc and reading a book like Emma may have a cure..or it may be the cure the afflicted feels safe accessing. What a terrible shame it would be if they never read them because they were shamed.

    Just my .02,

    QuuenDingbat

    • I did not understand you $.02. It sounds like you are upset because Elizabeth is gently poking fun at genre tropes. Elizabeth’s Paranormal Romance Genre points out that romance books are not self-help books, especially when it comes to particulars of sexual intercourse. The dingbat comment she makes refers to people who confuse fiction and reality. Not people who read books as means of mental relief.

      If you are able to distinguish fiction from reality, you are not a “dingbat.” If you are not sure which is which, we welcome you anyway. 🙂

      • Not at all my intention. I was mildly upset that her “gently poking fun”..(intensity in the matter is a subject of opinion) might result in someone missing an outlet for mental relief.

        As a whole, people constantly misunderstand things and if all of us aren’t careful, we can do real damage. It seems to be the main reason the Internet exists. For some, that confusion is their reality. I only meant to point out that clarity and nuance would be helpful here.

        • Hi Queen,

          Elizabeth is an author herself. Her videos are clearly marked as parody for anyone who may misunderstand them as reality bites, and they reference specific tropes of the romance subgenres.
          There is continued discussion around the appropriateness, toxicity level etc of certain tropes and these videos are a very small part of that. It’s helpful and healthy to discuss these themes, and shed the things that are detrimental to the cultural moment we find ourselves in. Lack of diversity, breaking consent presented in a romantic light, promoting unsafe sexual practices with inexperienced participants- you can head into any reader spaces, online or not, and find debates about them.
          Just because it’s in a book, doesn’t mean it’s sacrosanct.
          At no point is the video discussing the classics. In my admittedly hazy memory of Emma, there is no “perfect first time” sex scene 🙂. I’m fairly certain Charles Dickens also did not write rakish dukes who experiment with BDSM in an unsafe manner.
          I think perhaps the audience for these parody videos is not the one you imagine 🙂.

          • I think I wasn’t very clear here which makes the problem mine. No worries. Perhaps I just take it all too seriously.

            Have A Good Day All,

            QueenoftheDingbats

  26. I just dove into her Instagram.. all her videos are great! The one with the bubble wrap was also very human and funny.

  27. We no longer announce what we are working on for – blah blah blah I can’t find Mod R’s form letter – because BDH nags me to the point where I can’t work. So you will find out what it is when it’s done and the preorder is up. 🙂

  29. I bought her books but I have a few to read before hers. She is hilarious! “It could be worse!” affirmed that I was not crazy, because I’ve had those thoughts too. 😅

  30. Ok those are funny! I do like her role playing. I might have to check out one of her books just to see if her sense of humor transfers to it.

    The writing cave! Whoop!

  34. Hi
    I copied her name into eg goodreads to look up her work and got no result:
    her given name is spelled with an s not an z
    Just in case someone else too want to read up on her…
    Have a nice weekend

  35. Thank you so much for this post! So funny, especially the bit about mistaking fiction for self-help. 😂

    Also, I’m glad to hear the writing is coming along as well. As much as I truly love reading your books, it always makes me a little sad (but very grateful for your effort) when you mention struggling with roadblocks and such. I (and probably most of the BDH) will always cheer you on, not just because we want MORE MORE MORE books, but also because we like you guys and appreciate all that you do for your fans! 🥰💕💕

  36. Those were fun! Thank you! And this is currently Mercury Retrograde, which is fabulous, perfect, excellent energy for finishing projects! You’re perfectly in tune with the cosmic clockwork of this particular solar system! Cruise on with vigor!
    and a good cup of tea!

  42. Question of curiosity. How long does it take to roughly write 25,000-75,000 words if the process is going well? I hear authors mention numbers like that quite a bit but I haven’t really thought about it in the concept of words to time.

  43. Enjoyed her Instagram .. skits, I guess I’d call them, enough to buy her first Daindreth book, which I kinda liked

  45. When I was a teenager and my Mum saw me reading a romance novel she looked at the book, looked at me and said, “just remember that real sex is not at all like what’s in those books” 😂

  47. Well, now I am angry at you! I have another person to add to my Instagram account. (Thank you she I’d sooo funny)

  48. I started her Daindreth’s Assassin last night after liking the sample that is on Amazon. I actually couldn’t put it down! It’s well written, very good world to immerse in..caution on content for difficult family dynamics. A little dark. One instance of animal sacrifice. But overall, enjoying it. Characters are interesting… fun side characters… the hero is different. Kind but cursed, kind of like Queen Charlotte Bridgerton meets the Witcher. I’m still reading soo not a good feel for the big bad yet , but I’d recommend it. 😎

  49. I would just like to say that I love the header picture (I’m not sure that’s the correct term, cover image?) of this post! It’s probably a stock image, but it really makes me want to dive into whatever world it is. 😊

  50. After seeing this post, I sent the first of the Assassin series to my Kindle app. Wow, it’s great! The BDH will love it. Action, character, plot, scene, world-building, romance — it’s got it all.

  51. Hi! I was discussing the Innkeeper series with a couple of my daughters. Will there be a Graphic Audio edition of Sweep of the Heart? It is a longer book and I understand it could take longer to produce. We already have the regular audiobook but we also like the graphic audio ones. I have both for whatever mood I am in.
    Thanks,

    • Hi Robyn,

      The GA version of Sweep of the Heart will be coming out in December 🙂

      It doesn’t have a fixed date yet so I cannot share a preorder link, unfortunately.

  53. Glad I wasn’t drinking anything, either!! Now I’m going to have to go buy her books!
    Well, it’s too darn hot to do much of anything, anyway. Somebody PLEASE send some cool(er) weather down to Brownsville!!!!

  54. Did… did anyone else think that the new boyfriend is supposed to be John Wick? Retired from the mafia, plenty of “severance” money, good with dogs… named John?

  55. Been in the hospital for a week, and not much to smile about. This however made me laugh out loud.

    THANK YOU!

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