ILONA ANDREWS

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author

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Five Random Questions

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Have you taken revenge on someone by putting them in your book?

Oh yes. There was a particularly obnoxious review on Amazon, which speculated about our personal life. Yup, she is in a book as a sniveling weak villain, and she is now dead. Muhahahahaha! Cross me at your peril!

What’s the recipe for apology banana bread?

I use this one. It’s a basic recipe that’s easy to modify and it doesn’t call for sour cream or buttermilk, which I don’t usually keep stocked. I also add a cup of frozen blueberries to it. If you are going fruit or berry route, it helps to coat the fruit in about a quarter cup of flour. You just want it dusted. That way it will stay distributed through the batter rather than sink to the bottom. Thanks, Paul Hollywood. 🙂

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food?

Ham. I don’t typically buy it during the year, but when holiday season rolls around around, it’s like a switch in my brain gets flipped that says “ham time.” It must be salty, not sweet and not spiral cut. Just a hunk of ham on the bone. And I know exactly why.

Pork sausage, commonly known in Rostov-on-Don as “rulet.” Unlike people in Moscow and St. Peterburg, I grew up in a provincial city. We had basically two sausage choices: bologna or rulet. Everything else was gross. Bologna tasted like it was mostly paper pulp, but rulet at least had chunks of meat in it.

One of the stand-out moments in my early time in US was when Gordon took me to a grocery store while we were in college. When I was growing up, one of the annual traditions in Russia was a rerun of 17 Moments of Spring, a spy miniseries set during WWII. It features a Soviet spy, Shtirlitz, who somehow made it high up in Nazi Reich. In one scene, he is in a train and he is trying to get someone, I think a Nazi officer, to talk to him, and he says, “Yes, but I have Italian salami” and the officer quickly decided that lunch with Shtirlitz is in his best interests. Salami was a special treat. Sometimes Dad would bring some from a business trip to Moscow.

My shopping trip with Gordon went something like this.

Me: Is this Italian salami?

Grocery person: Yes.

Me: And this is the price per pound?

Grocery person: Yes?

Me: And it’s available year around? This isn’t a special thing? If I come back in a week, you will still have it?

Grocery person, who is working in a small Ingles in the middle of Smoky Mountains, squinting at me: Yes.

Me: Okay. I will take a stick.

Grocery person: We have it precut over there in a package.

Me:

If Kate and Curran really fought, who would win?

Is magic up or down? If magic is up, Kate would win. If magic is down, well, Kate is a badass, but she is just a human, and Curran is a werelion.

Will Kate and Curran ever have another baby?

Hehehe.

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Comments

  4. Revenge of that nature seems like a perk of being a writer. Also, I’ve never put blueberries in banana bread, and that is about to change.

  6. Re: Banana Bread. My husband uses the Fanny Farmer recipe and adds chocolate chips. Try it! It’s the only one we make any more!

  9. I have a random question…did you used Caesar Wu (Wu Xi Ze) as your inspiration for Stephen Jiang? Because gosh, Caesar Wu sure is pretty. I’m watching him on The General’s Lady.

  11. Thank you. Hope your family have had a wonderful thanksgiving.

    Really enjoyed your last question/answer.

  12. I love your stories, personal and fiction both. Coming from quasi-immigrants, stories like this about the salami really hit home. I love to tell the story of how I grew up eating tuna fish sandwiches with a slice of american cheese on it because dad didn’t know how to make it, and just figured “white people put cheese on their sandwiches, right?”

  14. Back when Russia opened up in the 1980s, there were a lot of delegations, mostly from Magadan that came to Alaska, because TRADE. There is a story that when one group was taken to the grocery store they stepped in the door, looked at the produce section, and to a man, burst into tears.

  15. The humor in your life flows so well in all your books. As alway, you are so very clever, in a snarky great way. Please don’t change! #HAlikeIamthebossofyou

  17. LOVE the first line of the banana bread recipe “remove odd pots and pans from the oven”. They know me well

  18. I love you. You are hilarious.

    I have a friend who grew up in Russia. She lived in St. Petersburg, so she had access to more than you did, but still, it was more according to Russian standards. She, too, almost fainted the first time she went to an American grocery store.

  19. I have a few folks I’d like to nominate for revolting treatment in one of your books,,, Truly, it would be an act of charity on your part. 🙂

      • I specifically remember a Leroy and a bubba? Bub? I have a feeling they are revenge characters.

        And I’m also very VERY sure about the Sunshine Realty, was it? That was too real to not be real.

  20. wow. both of them are really pretty. My son is trying to get me to watch anime with him and I’m trying to convince him to watch all of the Asian series you keep posting instead! (my tolerance for video longer than 10 minutes is low, unless its GBBS)

  24. Good grief, that Amazon reviewer has absolutely no manners! And less than zero in professional standards!

    On the plus side, the editor guy is back! Very Dickensian!!

  25. One of the most illuminating conversations of my life was in college, with a man who grew up in Nigeria, a woman who grew up in rural India, and a woman who grew up in Russia.

    The Nigerian and the Indian both talked about their water bill and it was totally worth it because showers were the best things in their lives. All three talked about their first experience in an American grocery store. And the Russian talked about reading a book in a park under a tree, and her knee jerk reaction to someone walking by was to hide the book because she wouldn’t have been allowed to read it in Russia.

  26. On Thanksgiving morning, I walked past a bookcase where my favorite books rest. They are usually waiting for me to touch their spines and recall my favorite parts within each of them. I looked at the books, wished for the ones still missing, and started Thanksgiving cooking. However, as I did, I was feeling Thankful for Ilona Andrew’s worlds. From the Bayou, to Atlanta, to Houston and worlds beyond … I am thankful.

  29. As a Bulgarian I can relate to the salami story so much. It’s 31 years later, and I still marvel how we have bananas all year round…

  30. I love that salami story because it reminds me of stuff my dad experienced. He came over to America for college too (not from Russia though). Hot dogs were such a treat, but when he discovered that corndogs existed, and that he could literally go to a kiosk and watch them get made, his life was never the same.

  31. That was fun… thank you! (Also, I pictured you rubbing your hands together and looking shifty-eyed while you ‘hehehe’d’, like a proper evil mastermind.)

  32. The meat picture reminds me of what a Ukrainian butcher shop in Toronto used to sell. We’d visit my Baba and buy it. We called it keilbasa (no, not the stuff you get in the grocery store today wrapped in plastic).

    Yum.

    • That was fun! Thanks!

      I envy you your ham. With my parents both gone now, I’ve no one but myself to fix it for. None of the friends I eat with and/or cook for are big on ham and it just is an excessive amount of meat. Still I’ve been thinking about it lately. I’ve not made ham and navy bean soup in ages, sigh. Gotta have a plain piece of ham on a bone! Not seasoned, overly dry, spiral cut! Maybe I’ve talked myself into it – we’re approaching soup season after all.

      All I can say about the nasty idiot reviewer is, wow, talk about rude and totally out of line. Personal attacks are not the purview of any book review! I don’t care how much you disliked the book.

  33. When I hear stories like yours regarding going to the grocery store, it makes me realize how we are so blessed here and really have no idea of the hardships others around the globe deal with. We must appreciate the blessings we have.

    Hope your Thanksgiving was peaceful and filled with joy.

  34. Thank you for your candor.
    These were all important questions to have answered. (And I love the answers – especially “Hehehe”!) I do hope that the reviewer’s death was properly messy…

    The delicacies of childhood are unique. We all have them and they always grab us.
    I remember making jam with my grandmother from the semi-wild grapes, plums and peaches that were abundant when we were visiting the farm in Georgetown (near Austin) every summer. Nothing tastes like that now – though I keep looking…

    • Grapes from the side of the dirt road and peaches from stands on the highway are what I associated with my summers in Texas as a child. I’ve never been able to recreate those as an adult.

  37. I would be interested in learning more about the differences you experienced when you arrived here from Russia. I believe you once said you were 16 at that time. I imagine the culture shock was huge. As Americans we take our comfy lives for granted.
    My mother was a widow with two young children during the 1930’s. Neither of my parents talked about those years except in passing. Mom said one time she didn’t know how to shoot so she made snares to catch food animals. I really wish that I had asked more in depth questions.
    I found a synopsis of my dad’s family’s arrival in Montana that my mom had written for a newspaper article. They came in a covered wagon from Washington state. Totally blew my mind but he was born in 1904. All that family history gone because that generation are now deceased. Such a missed opportunity on my part.

    I’m hoping you and Gordon are getting in some rest and relaxation and are enjoying the down time.

    Loved the evil hee, hee, hee, gave me a good laugh!

    • My dad emigrated from Bessarabia somewhere around 1920. Ended up in SE Washington state via Alberta, Canada. Sure wish I had asked him more questions, also… Though he told occasional stories, he was 50 when I was born, I wasn’t old enough to think of the right things to ask before he died.

  38. Thanks for the coated fruit tip. My tips: I toss over-ripe bananas in the freezer and thaw them out when I have enough and am in the mood to make banana bread. My recipe uses buttermilk – I keep a can of powdered buttermilk on hand rather than relying on buying real buttermilk.

    • According to the nice people at Cooks Illustrated, the following can be substituted for 1 cup of buttermilk:

      o ½ cup plain whole milk or low-fat yogurt + ½ cup water

      o 1 cup whole milk + 1 tablespoon lemon juice or distilled white vinegar

      o ⅓ cup plain Greek yogurt + ⅔ cup water

      I used to use buttermilk powder, but it’s been a while since I ran out, so I was happy to discover there are alternatives.

      • I always use the milk + lemon juice option in my banana bread recipe, to the point that I think my latest recopy actually just calls for that. It doesn’t even have to be whole milk—I’ve used skim and it comes out fine.

  39. We who were born and raised in the USA and have never traveled outside of the country, not with a tour group, but lived in a community, have no idea.

  40. It’s easy for us here in America to sometimes forget exactly how fortunate we are until we speak to people from other countries. A dear friend of mine visited Russia many years ago. She said the family she visited as part of a cultural exchange program were so exceptionally friendly and she has remained in touch with them over the years. She has tried many times to recreate the borscht recipe they gave her but she says for some reason it’s just not the same.

    Thank you for your posts. These little glimpses into your lives always make me smile.

    • Sometimes the basic ingredients aren’t the same. I’ve tried many times to replicate recipes my cousins served in Sweden. I even bought metric measuring cups and spoons. The results are good, but just not the same. Makes travel more interesting though.

  43. I know some remember the past as great but I remember being thrilled with an orange, apple, and a few pieces of old fashion hard candy. I made my pumpkin pie today. Warm pie was wonderful.

  45. When I was in my doctoral program, I had a lot of classmates from India, China, and South Korea. It was interesting to hear them talk about Americans. They assumed all Americans drink coffee. I shocked my classmate from South Korea when she offered me a coffee, and I replied “thank you, but I don’t drink coffee. I drink tea.”

    My classmates didn’t understand why America has the healthcare system we do, and why our drug prices were so high. They also didn’t understand why our government was set up the way it is. So, they got an American history lesson from me. Once I finished, one person asked me why I knew so much, I told them,”I have a bachelor’s degree in History. Emphasis on early American history.” You could have heard a pin drop.

    So we get the evil chuckle at the end of the questions. Do any of the BDH honestly think that Kate and Curran would have only one child? ????

  46. Side note I’ve been making my own sour cream lately and now I never run out. I use Kefir in my morning smoothie (excellent probiotic) and now I use it for my sour cream. 500 ml cream to 6 tablespoons of Kefir. Leave it out on the counter for 3 days. Yum!

  47. I have always hoped that Kate and Curran would have a dozen kids or more. I love the idea of the two of them having a big family.

  48. I liked your reply to the question , “Will Kate and Curran ever have another baby?” I Had to laugh. I was asked that once, some 40 years ago, such memories. I too laughed. Frank, my husband and I were blessed with one, and as we came to say, “She is an eloquence of sufficiency.” Still is to this day. P.S. Her name is Kate.

  49. My late wife toured Moscow and whatever they were calling Saint Petersburg in 1978 along with Warsaw during a college choir trip. She was always amazed that 1. Liver and onions were served for breakfast as a treat. Food otherwise was kind of scarce and yet the best ice cream she had every had in her life could be found on nearly every street corner in Moscow.

  50. I’ve had people actually rave about my cornbread and bran muffins. And the secret ingredient is … applesauce. It’s amazing how a tablespoon in the batter changes the texture and makes the finished product so moist. (I’ve even used it in the Jiffy brand cornbread and had people think it’s homemade. My turn for an evil laugh.) Love your post, especially surprise Saturday post. Thanks so much for your evil laugh.

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