Ilona and Gordon are leaving for Dragon Con tomorrow, and if you’re around you should go see them! Here is a post with their schedule, and you should also use the DragonCon app for last-minute changes.
In the meantime, I thought we could all benefit from some wisdom. The world is confusing, and sometimes a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on ::Mariah Carey whistle tone::.
Each Horde picks their hero, and ours is obviously Kate. Specifically today, the Wilmington Years version, because we’re benefiting from the mature Kate, mother of 2, survival of teenagerhood (one of the worst hoods), defeater of generational trauma, monster-filled Keep owner. And because we’re likely to get Wilmington Years 3 in the not too distant future!
Others live and die by Laugh Live Love. We’re built differently:
- We don’t poke random shit we find in the woods with a stick.
No plan survives contact with the enemy, even when it’s that mysterious thing or person with bad vibes you found in the wild. Ask your nearest available Consort about the side effects, or walk away and live to poke another day.
- No need to stand. You can sit and look menacing.
Do only what you can and request accommodations. Rest, have a little snors d’oeuvre in the middle of the day! A nappetizer. We all deserve to be comfortable whilst we instil fear in our enemies. Especially when those enemies are sickness, pain and chronic afflictions.
- I’m not the queen he’s looking for.
The heart of a woman is the best place to be. Sometimes, though, that’s just not for you. Consent matters. Pick your queen carefully and always look for enthusiastic participation before you pledge fealty.
- Cuddles gave him her “kicking” eye.
Be like Cuddles. When you’re uncomfortable and the opportunity to be a bitch presents itself, take it. If they want to make problems, become their problem.
- Look at that evil lair, Cuddles. No ziggurats, no ritualistic poles with skulls on them, no giant faces carved anywhere or big metal fire braziers. These modern evil god followers just don’t care to put in the work.
Kids these days. They want everything handed to them, like they’re entitled to all the power words and evil god participation trophies.
Listen, I too hate it when shit is unbeknownst to me, but you gotta do your Preceptor battles and slay your share of Mishmar vampires first!
- Old Barrett had a Farm
E i e i o
And on his Farm he had some cows
E i e i o
With a paw print here
And a paw print there
Here a paw print, there a paw print
Everywhere a paw print
Old Barrett had a Farm
E i e i o
And on his Farm he had some vampires
E i e i o…
This speaks for itself. Don’t be an insufferable get-off-my-lawn necromancer, and set up your vampire farm next to shifters, if you don’t want your cow to get the ol’ paint paw treatment. Something all of us can identify with.
“Ask your nearest available Consort about the side effects, or walk away and live to poke another day.”
Curran is now the Consort, so I think you need to rewrite that to say “ask your Queen”.
You could also add at the end “Or ask your Queen to poke the object for you, because she loves doing that kind of stuff.”
🤣
Kate is only a queen to Jushur and Rimash (and possibly their kin) … and she tried pretty hard to wiggle away from that title when she took their pledges.
… Curran is definitely Beast Lord to the Wilmington pack, making Kate again “consort” to the shape shifters in on the secret pack rescue plan.
So everyone is more than one thing… as in real life. So many fun possibilities for future confusion … “whose turn to wash the dishes? The consort’s ….”
😊
Um…mother of two? Did Kate have another baby when I wasn’t paying attention or do you mean Conlan and Julie?
That made me blink until I stopped and had a sip of coffee – Julie and Conlan. But a new baby is possible according to the Oracle. 🙂
Oooohhhhhh
First ?
You have to wake up early around here to get in before the nitpickers 😀
I now have a serious case of the giggles! Which may become inconvenient while teaching geometry.
Happy Wednesday ModR!
Very funny quotes. Love the clams.
The sight of the magic clams warmed the cockles of my heart ❤️
Thanks for the memories! No. 1: Words to live by!
Hope everyone has a great time at DragonCon. The rest of us will live vicariously through you!
+1 ❤️
+1
Snicker, chortle, guffaw!
Thank you. I so needed this post today.
*smiles again in delight (as opposed to sarcasm)*
🤗
Heh!
Was this a compliment? If I took it as a compliment, she wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. “Thank you.”
Such a disarming strategy 😀
Thanks for that Mod R! You made me smile! These reminded me that I need to finalize my sticker order. I’ve been eyeing some funny quote stickers for my cup.
On a slightly related note, since the store is no more, would it be ok if we had something made (like a cup or sticker) with a future quote on it as long as it had appropriate credit given? Like “(insert words here)” Kate Daniels by Ilona Andrews or something like that? Just 1 quote, not a whole long thing. I don’t really know the rules and wouldn’t want to hurt any feelings or do anything wrong, but was hopeful that if there was a future quote that really spoke to me that it would be ok. It would just be for my own personal use. And if the answer is no, I understand that too!
Thanks!
Please feel free to delete this or remove the question if you don’t want it asked! 🤗
As long as it’s for personal use, not selling for profit, there are no issues 🙂 .
If you want to make designs and own merch to sell to others, you can get in contact to obtain permission first.
Thanks Mod R! I’m not creative enough to design stuff to sell to others. 😁 It would most likely be a quote in a pretty font cut out on a vinyl sticker.
Cuddles, the mammoth donkey with cow markings, a scream resembling a strangled foghorn, a cheerleader with pompoms if a vampire tries to hold her reins, and a carrot lover. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The Consort business is rocking right now. Curran is Consort when Jushur or Rimush are talking to Kate. Kate is Consort when Keelan is talking. They should cancel out when everyone is talking. 😁😉
Thanks Mod R for the laughs.
😁 Whatever gets us past Hump Day
Even better, Curran and Kate DELIBERATELY both say “Yes?” at the SAME time when someone says “Consort” just to screw with everyone 😂
I can can hear it now with both Keelan and Jushur or Rimush saying “The Consort is ever merciful.” Both Kate and Curran say “Yes I am.”
Everyone who don’t know them: “Uh?” 🤔🧐
Confuse those who didn’t do their homework! 🤪🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh, I forgot about Keelan when I made my post above. I just loved Jushur’s comment in the book where he implies Curran is the Consort. I was thinking about that when I wrote the post.
That could get confusing as to which Consort they’re talking about. I’m now picturing Keelan and Jushur giving a guided tour to an outsider and totally confusing the outsider with their dueling consort statements.
This comment! Yes! I’d imagine even the unflappable Luther would get completely bonkered if left in the care of both Keelan & Jushur simultaneously, when Luther’s touring the new castle.
Mod R you are the best! Thank you for these inspiring (and hilarious) words of life wisdom!
I live by this! “Cuddles gave him her “kicking” eye.” I have practiced my Kicking eye too! Getting there, Cuddles, gettin there!
Hahahaha! Thanks so much Mod R! I think we all needed a good laugh. Cuddles ‘kicking eye’ gets me every time. And Old McBarrett. (Wipes eyes)
I know you can’t tell us when “Wilmington 3” will magically appear, but I’m really looking forward to it. Do you know when a new serial might start?
Is everyone in HA feeling better? Covid needs Cuddles’ kicking eye! Thanks again!
I can’t indeed tell you when, but I know that Wilmington 3 might *be* the next blog serial!
Which is so exciting. We’ve never had weekly Kate before!
Weekly Kate!!!
Ahem. Pls ignore the extended wild jumping and flailing. Suddenly I feel better about surviving the next couple of months of craziness. Things r looking up! My new HA tees r in the washer. I’m drinking from my lovely turquoise Void cup. (Hugs to everyone)
Weekly Kate! Happydance…
Thank you. I’ve had an unexpected not so great day. I needed some Kate.
Off to bed to fall asleep to Kate and Curran escapades.
Weekly
Kate’scapades
Can’t
Come
Soon
Enough
“Be Chalant. Be Chalant. Be Chalant. Be part of the fluffy branch of the Horde. ” Words to myself. 😁
Behind the calm: whoo-hoo! Hums “Celebrate good times, come on!” Happy dance.
Ahem…and now for the chalant.
I just watered my garden in the dark; the dark at night. Needless to say my life sucks and just this amorphous idea was enough to make me feel hope.
I will take weekly anyone! Weekly fiction is a huge gift. It gets me through the week when nothing else does. Of course the week goes by one way or another. We would all notice if the universe actually ended. Some weeks though – really any weeks, just some more than others – benefit from free alternate universe fiction.
I so needed this. After one hour of work, I immediately switched to my “My Ability to Even…” Coffee Mug. I may also have posted a Large Sign in front of my desk along the lines of “Initiate Communication with Me at Your OWN RISK!”
My ability to deal with a lack of common sense has epically failed – and I’m surrounded on campus, in a building full of persons working on their PhD (permanent head damage according to one of my favorite professors! hehe)
I adore my “My Ability to Even . . .” Mug. And yeah, I work in academia, too.
I snort laughed at “Be like Cuddles.” Yep. I can do that.
Thanks, ModR. This was awesome.
We used to have a running joke about having a “stupid shelf” where I worked. We had a meter, and graphics! It’s amazing some days how quickly that shelf filled up! Once that happened….well, let’s just say the result could sometimes be impressive👹
I had a copy of the old Far Side cartoon, “How nature says do not touch” that I would pin to the outside of my cubicle when I was very busy and under a deadline. A Kate quote would have been a good one too. 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you: that prompted just the giggling I needed.
Due to what is now chronic illness, I am grudgingly having to schedule a short nap in my day now. Except I will no longer begrudge this…because it is officially a nappetizer!
Quite seriously, thank you for that cheerful bit of inspirational re-wording.
Hidden Legacy rather than Kate, but now at work we have Team Facts and Team Facts Be Damned 🤣😂
LOOOOOL I love that.
Almost universally applicable, in fact.
The Daniels quote I live by is: “It doesn’t matter what they do. It matters what I do.”
Other people may chose to behave terribly. But that doesn’t mean I should. I need to be able to square my actions with the person I hope to be, and ‘but they started it!’ isn’t even a good defense when you’re three, especially if you’re defending yourself from your own conscience.
Such a good mindset!
^This^
And from HL, being able to look yourself in the mirror.
Who do you aspire to be? And WWThatPpersonD? Not always easy in the moment, which is why it’s good to learn the elements of a genuine apology.
Had a bad day and this just so made up for it. Thank you!!!!!
this is the perfect rainy day pick me up LOL.
also, I now have an earworm of old mcdonald. Thanks Mod R.
I absolutely poke random shit with a stick. Then I write it down. It’s called science!
lol, that thought had occurred.
And if you don’t survive the poking, hopefully there is a colleague standing by to note that poking that item is not good and they recommend that the unknown item henceforth be known as Brenna’s Folly or something like that so that others may know not to poke that thing again.
Thanks Mod R for a reminder of all the fun in the Wilmington years and love me some Cuddles! Good times!
Lmaooooooo! Yeah, I sang the tune when I read that 🤣
I hope all parties involved have fun at DragonCon. I will be home, silently (probably not THAT silently) turning green with envy because I can’t go lololol
Can’t make it down to Dragon Con, wish I could, so many good authors going… but I will be at Matsuricon. Guess it’s just a con kinda weekend!
My kid is at Matsuricon. Look for the Peddler Potoo table.
It’s reassuring to see Kate being mature and quoting words to live by. And still.
My work requires me to be diplomatic… a lot. Sometimes I need to take a deep breath and remember Kate’s version of negotiating:
“Alright, Jeremy! Give me the salamander and I won’t cut your head off!”
It never fails to amuse me and give me the strength to dive back into the sitch with renewed patience. Probably a good thing the business world isn’t really dystopian.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am totally going to use snors d’oeuvre and nappetizer going forward. You are a delight and we are lucky to have you Mod R! Thanks for this!
‘We don’t poke random shit we find in the woods with a stick’. made me laugh, many years ago my step daughter who was about 5, was poking around with a stick (we were in Australia), my dad said don’t do that you don’t know what will get you and next minute she was bitten by a Bull Ant and boy did she scream, it is very painful bite.
I’m Australian and Oh My Goodness!!! Bull Ant bites go way beyong painful. The poor thing probably never even picked up a stick again!!
Wilmington Years 3? Soon? Yaaaayyy! 🎉 A novella or a full-length novel? You know what? I don’t care. Either way, it’ll be awesome. 🤩
Confession
Love my merch but my favorite is the jumbo Barsa mug full of Hot Cinnamon tea and cream. Only a small issue-every sip I’m compelled to say Barsa?Barsa..Barsa!
My cats are giving me a side eye and I’m thinking they might be trying to contact my family and/or a doctor 🤣
Thanks to all for reading
And now you might have caught the contagious fun also!
I normally say Barsa Barsa Barsa in the rhythm of “Marsha Marsha Marsha” from the Brady Bunch lol
Me too! 😁
Me three!
So looking forward to seeing HA at DragonCon. I hope they will come back and share some behind-the-scenes stories with us. It’s a massive, huge Con, and I am sure there’s some funnies.
My favorite quote is “Here kitty, kitty.”
+1,000
Hehehehe!! 🦁
+1 Still hilarious after all this time
I had a horrible day and this just seemed to made it better. So thank you, thank you so much.
I love Wilmington Kate. I love her phone and fire chats with Etta and Hugh. Those little snippets make me laugh every time.
K: I have a problem with authority.
H: That checks out. I’ll add you to the roster.
😂
Thanks for the fun post!!
*Erra.
I love Cuddles.
But since a mule is the result of a Jack (donkey male) being bred to a Mare (horse female), I guess she can’t be Bucky’s daughter. Unless something happened during one of the Magic waves…..
Cuddles makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. Every time I read about Kate sitting on her makes me think “what’s Cuddles going to do now? Is she going to trot, walk, or run and make Kate hold on for dear life?” However, as Kate is the carrot holder, Cuddles tries to be good.
One of the Horde conspiracy theories is that Julie’s horse in Blood Heir could be one of Bucky’s children.
My question is who is the mother? Is it one of the pegasi or the persian carnivore unicorns? Or peanut
The mystery continues. 🧐😁
Cuddles isn’t a mule, she’s a mammoth donkey. Kate used a mule from the Order’s stables for a couple of years – absolutely adored her. I think her name was Marigold, and I’m sure that Erra killed her just before Kate and Curren killed Erra.
I love Magic Clams and my Magic Clams mug. I might be considering taking a vacation to Kure beach just so I can tour the fort and imagine Kate and Curran living there and you know also enjoy the ocean
Thanks for the laughs and sage advice Mod R!
I embrace “nappetizing”wholeheartedly and often!
🤣 😂😆😂😂😂😂 more more
more yay for next one…. when and I mean you have to tell me 😭 I will pay for it
this made my night lol..
thank you…EIEIO…lol
Thank you muchly, enjoyed the quotes! Great job Mod R. I think there was a spoiler inserted in there “the mature Kate, mother of 2”, which ties in with blood heir and the prediction. Looking forward to that continuation and the others as well.
No, there was no spoiler. Kate has 2 children, ever since the main series: Julie and Conlan. Adopted children are still one’s children 🙂
😹😹😹😹😹😹 Needed this today 💜
Thank you so very much for this survivor list! It arrived just in time and saved my day and it is only 7:30 in the morning!
So funny!!! Thanks for the laugh!
On the day I had to admit my much loved 97 year old mother to hospital I came home and this was waiting for me to read
Yes , it did put a smile on my face when one was needed
THANK YOU SO MUCH
As always I love ALL your books – enjoy Dragon Con
((Hugs))
Sending many, many hugs!! 🫂
Such a hard day for you. Many hugs and well wishes.
😂
Excellent advice!
Hope everyone has a great time at Dragoncon, and no poking!
Loved this. 😂 Thanks, Mod R!
I love this so much! Thanks for the smile.
Love the quotes
But, hey, I’m easily confused… new book cover? ==> implies new book? You been holding out on us? One can hope.
It’s not a new book cover 🙂. It’s the Clams parody cover for Magic Claims.
A lot of people typoed the title as “Magic Clams Ilona Andrews”, so much so that Amazon was suggesting it as a popular search.
Many a mollusc joke and clan reference followed, including this parody covered and even a reference in the book 🤣
I always wondered if everyone had a clam bake with the clams Darren found in the freshwater lake near Kate and Curran’s new digs?
Yum if they did have it. 😊🤔
Excellent, thanks for the update. Enjoyed the magic clams hehe
I can not begin to describe the feeling of getting an email with the words Kate Daniels in the description… it gets me every time. I reckon I need to start my 5th Kate Daniels read through.
“Why me?”
which Kate asks in many situations and in probably in all the books!
I ask this a lot, too!
Thanks Mod R. You are such a gem and a light in our lives. And thanks to everyone for the funny replies. I always read the post in the email and then expand it to to read through all the replies. Life can be so dark but the Horde brings light and laughter to my life. I, too, will start rereading – I cannot even guess what number reread this is now!
Some one is starting to feel better. 🥰