Sookie, the old bulldog, has to have canned dog food in the wake of her surgery so her mouth can recover. She absolutely loves it. She gobbles it up, and then we suffer.
Yesterday, as I was trying to catch up on a novella we are working on, because we need another release this year, Sookie was in a rare form even for her. It went somewhat like this:
The cave passage stretched in front of me, a narrow tunnel painted with bioluminescent swirls of strange vegetation. It split about twenty yards ahead, with one end of it curving to the right and the other cutting straight into the gloom.
Fart,
The pale green and pink radiance of the foreign fungi and lichens didn’t illuminate the darkness, but made it seem even deeper.
A cold draft flowed from the tunnel, bringing with it an odd acrid stench.
Fart.
Bear whined softly by my side. Whining seemed entirely appropriate. I didn’t want to go into that darkness either.
Fart.
“We don’t have a choice,” I told the dog.
Something rustled in the darkness, a strange whispering sound.
Faaaaaart!
Bear hid behind me.
“Some attack dog you are.”
Fart, fart, faaaart.
I posted about my woes on Facebook, because I wanted to share the glamor. This morning, Facebook delivered this gem to me.
We knew she was a special dog, but we had no idea that her gas troubles were high quality content. We feel so privileged to share it with you.
HA. I mean, all HA content is of the highest quality. Thanks for the giggle! Glad Miss Sookie is recovering well and making the most of every opportunity for shenanigans.
+1!
🤣😂🤣 Just goes to show how weird FB is.
Glad she’s on her road to recovery! 🤗
The poodle beast doesn’t fart much, but when she does, it’s when she’s snuggled in bed with me with her butt in my face. I swear she does it on purpose .
Dogs fart.
Cats barf.
(And you get these types of high quality blog comments too. How lucky are you?)
Get outta town!
This is the closest I have ever come to a First Post.
Do you give out Third Place Ribbons???
🥉
I’m staying in town but this is the best I can do 😅
I’ll take it with thanks!
Oooohhhh, cats do in fact fart. Deadly farts. But only when their butt is in your face.
And they do love to put their butts in your face.
Thank you, HA. This post made me laugh a lot when I really needed it.
Hey, let’s not be speciesist here. Dogs puke too!
OMG…this made me snort-laugh and spit tea all over. I feel your pain, it took us a few weeks to find a food that agreed with Mia’s, our Cattle Dog, GI system when we first adopted her. Miserable, toxic-gas filled weeks. This too shall pass….LOL!!
Our neighbors recently got a new dog and when we met her for the first time over at their house this past weekend she had the worst gas. 😂😂😂 They were horribly embarrassed but we all got a huge laugh out of it. As members of the BDH I guess this just confirms that we are purveyors of the finest high-quality content. 🤣
High quality content hahahaha! I’ll need to remember that one. I feel for you guys, honest! 🤣🤣🤣 Thanks for the giggle! And for the hint of future novella, too.
😂😂😂😂 this is GOLD level content
Who could resist that faaaace? The other end is perhaps rather more resistible.
But apparently quite engaging?
So, here’s to Sookie’s perfection and occasional inspiration!
What can I say, people secretly love fart jokes and bathroom humor.
Secretly? You obviously haven’t met my brother! His wife has a long list of all the kinds of beans he is NOT allowed to eat. As far as I can tell, it includes ALL the kinds of beans…
We are all juvenile at heart. Bodily functions get all the laughs.
LMAO!!!
Thank you for my laugh of the day.
thank you for a laugh and a very good girl nose picture ready to boop on an otherwise scary morning. off to surgery today and can’t sleep for pain and nerves so boopy nose is golden…. even if she’s trying to gas you out of your writing chair.
Oh, Bec, I hope you feel better soon! Hugs and well-wishes!
Hey Bec, hope everything went well and that u r feeling much better soon!
“A cold draft flowed from the tunnel, bringing with it an odd acrid stench. Fart.”
It reads to me like Sookie was trying to help by adding artistic verisimilitude to your writing.
you have your own fart gun 🙂
YES! HAHA
I was thinking that too. 🤣
I was so picturing Sean Evans and the fart gun when I read this. 🤣
OMG! I laughed so hard, I could barely read the passage. Sweet Sookie. I kept waiting for your writing to become full of odorous commentary as the smell grew stronger, but you stayed professional throughout.
My two (large for their breed) Boston Terriers can make the air REEK, especially after having had cheese. I now sleep with the window cracked open for ventilation, even in our Wisconsin winter. 🥶 But it helps.
When my pup farts, it’s either audible or odiferous- but never both at the same time. Here’s hoping Sookie is the same. I’m so glad she’s in the road to recovery, sound effects and possible acrid wind notwithstanding.
My husband calls the inaudible farts “Silent but deadly.”
I read this to my mom, she’s 93, and about did her in! I had to read through a few times before so I could get through it without bursting out laughing. We both love all your books and blog posts. Thanks so much for being a part of our day.
This is so sweet and wholesome, so happy you got a good laugh!
We clearly need a Whoopie Cushion squad of the Horde hehe
The Curse of Canned Dog Food strikes again!! 🤣🤣🤣
When my greyhound got older, his “performances” were either SBD’s or the Green Cloud….😬😶
My sincerest sympathies for your sinuses!!
HAHAHA dog farts are the WORST!!!
Although i do consider any photos/ updates on House Andrews pets to be quality content!
Ditto. Really almost all the content is high-quality. This was hilarious.
Oh, I can relate. Our Charlie is only two and he farts like there is no tomorrow.
But does she startle and take off every time she farts? Then look back like her butt somehow betrayed her? No? Just my Monty then? Hmm.
🤣🤣🤣
i had a dog who believed every strange noise came from his butt. we were walking on the sidewalk by a busier street and a semi truck downshifted and that noise made him stop walking and turn around and look at his butt like “WTF?”. another time i was watching a nature show on PBS about koalas, and their mating call is pretty funny, and he turned around and looked at his butt all confused. i had him for nearly 14 years and it never stopped being funny.
Fart
The BDH are high class all the way – lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ok, the laughs…🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I think are out if me to type.
I needed a good laugh. Thanks Sookie. 😁
Whoopie cushions for the win! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol I giggled the entire time.
This made my day! We adore High Quality content I just laughed and laughed.
Have a great day and don’t breathe lol
interesting that they tell you when they are elevating your audience but say nothing when they disappear posts.
i think you might have posted something a while ago about reading something and noticing that the protagonist spent A LOT of time going on about going to the bathroom and then the author was all, “yeah, i locked myself in to get the word count and had to pee really badly for several hours.”
i’m thinking now that someone reading this may be all, “what is up with all of the bad smells?” and you can point to this post or just to sookie.
i’m so glad she’s recovering! and that we might get something else to read this year (or next)! yay!
good luck with the fumes.
I understand Sookie, I do. I just stopped being pregnant, and thought that would resolve my gas issues at work. But now the amount of food I inhale to keep breastfeeding = more gas at work, more work to disguise said sounds at work. Nothing I can do about the occasional smell. You just keep on living the good life!
Congratulations and hope you’re both healthy and happy! Fart well!
You might find one of Benjamin Franklin’s writings interesting: Fart Proudly.
As our hunter/gatherer ancestors huddled around a fire eating squirrels and wild onions, one of them farted, the others laughed, and soon it was a competition. Some things have always been and will always be funny. Writing about it is an example of that Man versus Nature trope we learned about in high school English class! 😉
Hahaha I would love to know if farts have always been funny. If so, was there also always one person who got offended and stormed off… did the hunter gatherers also blame the first dogs that had been wolves … how long has this been going on?
One of the oldest written (cuneiform) jokes is a fart joke. The other one is a variation of “A dog walks into a bar” and no one is sure exactly why it is funny but apparently it slayed in Mesopotamia.
We probably should ask Roland.
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
Ah, the long Sumerian nights of wine and fart jokes 😀 . I laughed so hard when they had this on QI, because Stephen Fry put so much pathos in the delivery, wish I could find the clip hehe.
lol. Lynn and Mod R – thank you. I’m sitting here grinning and feeling like I’m among “my people” bc I was about to internet search for cuneiform records. 😂
BWAHAHA, thanks for the “quality” belly laugh 🤣
Also, I feel your pain and I’m very excited to hear that you’re working on a novella despite everything!!!
😂 I knew you guys were genius. First Maggie, immersive and now Sookie, interactive! 😂
Graphic Audio, makes the books come alive! Sookie lets you experience death by odor.
There is nothing more humbling than our children and our pets. Gotta love’em!
Oooh,,a new novella! If that WAS a snippet from it, it doesn’t seem like it could be Puffles. I hope that I’m wrong, but I don’t think that I am. And it almost’s DEFINITELY not a Wilmington story. Oh well, I will be happy with whatever wonderfulness that you give us.
On another note, will there be a Maggie countdown clock? I DO have March 31st on my calendar, but that’s one of those out of sight, out of mind type things,,and a countdown is the gift that keeps on giving everytime I visit the site. Consider this my vote on that subject. (even if no one’s proposed it yet) 0_0
We will probably set something on the home page as soon as we have a cover for This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me 🙂
I see that you banished the evil opportunistic salesman. Death is too good for people like him. The nerve of him coming into this space to spread his foul commercialism. Thank you. 0_0
It’s a bot, Michael, it helps if you don’t engage with the spam 🙂
Oops, I’m too old (70) to know the ins and out of modern thing like bots. Consider me chastised and informed
No chastisement, just PSA about clicking suspicious links 🙂
Senior citizens (such as myself) are sadly susceptible to the evils of modern day scams and tricks. I try to stay abreast of this type of thing, but don’t always succeed.
Snicker, chortle, guffaw!
😀
atta girl, Sookie!
Hahaha what a good pup. helping out in her own way.
Lol!! I love dogs! They are so sweet and loyal, but can be utterly ridiculous too❤
Ok. It’s hard to endure, but laugh out loud funny. Our pug used to be silent, but deadly with his gas. Often the first sign was when he abruptly left the room. Then the stench would hit.
Get some video with good audio. You’ll slay instagram with her faarrrtttttssss…..
It would be more viral than Elizabeth Wheatly’s Book Goblin, which I consider the most genius book marketing in the history of viral marketing.
I’m laughing so hard right now 🤣🤣🤣
God bless Sookie. Who needs a fart gun now!!! ❤️
“A cold draft flowed from the tunnel, bringing with it an odd acrid stench.
Fart”
that’s high quality content right there.
😂😂😂😂😂
I know, right? Though seriously, y’all, I’m sorry the pooch — and your sinuses — are suffering. And the book sounds yummy, between all the farts. I will note, however, that Sookie seems to have been an inspiration to the fictional stench. Should have named her Muse.
Our old Ridgeback Dhillon – long gone now, sweet boy – learned the human trick of blaming someone else. He’d release a long rapturous fart, looking generally pleased and happy while it escaped, then immediately swivel his head and look accusingly at anyone else in the room. I’m not sure who he learned this from, but it cracked me up even more than the toxic soundtrack did.
Heehee. oh, my! I laughed so hard. THANK YOU! my goodness, I didn’t realize how discerning Facebook had become!
Ahh! The sophisticated taste of the American public.
I’m sure you’re getting lots of different canned food suggestions as well as suggestions to slow her eating. So I’ll just say: “I’m sorry you’re suffering, but I’m looking forward to the novella “
Well, you have to admit it was funny as hell. When you’re plunging into a dystopia, you need a little funny.
oh, thank you for the surprise giggle this rainy morning! I’m now privy to the life of the great attack fart dog!!
Thanks for your high quality content. Please keep it coming. And the thing about pets is that they keep life real. I say this as I remove my cat’s tail from my coffee.
(Picks self up off floor, still laughing) ok, u got me. The instant mental picture of the dripping cattail caught me by surprise. Very evocative! Well done!
I believe there may be a canned dogfood design to promote less gas but where would be the fun in that? AS long as no one stands behind poor doggo with a lit match you will be okay.
We switched our chunky boy to a lo-cal food recommended by the vet. But it did make him a little gassy. Every time he’d fart, he’d startle and look back at his butt in confusion.
This may not be allowed, but I came across a game that may be of interest to the authors and the BDH
Its a horse centric game with horse companions, and maybe falcons too?!? based in historical Mongolia where the main character is a messenger/courier and the objective is deliver packages by riding your horse and surviving the wilds
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/aesirinteractive/windstorm/posts/4353224
My first thought was “You let Muckrats STEAL THE ARCHIVARIAN? Sean, Fart Gun of coarse came to my mind!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
this had me laughing so hard that I am crying. Thank you for sharing your life with us…mundane or hilarious. We love you and your stories.
By the way, I am loving the GA versions of Kate and Curran!! I have the Audible and Kindle versions too but there is something special about the “movie in your mind” version. Thank you!!!
🤣🤣🤣 Oh my gosh!
I don’t have a dog, so can only imagine, but my when Finnegan got sick, he could barely keep any food down, so the barfing was prodigious.
Glad Ms. Sookie is on the mend!
oh the trials of a gassy dog!
break out some candles.
Are we sure Grendel is not Sookie in disguise? 😀
I realize Grendel is a poodle. However, the smell factor maybe on equal footing right now between Grendel and Sookie.
I had that thought too! or at least a kindred spirit
Canned food dog farts are weapons of mass olfactory destruction. Condolences on your sense of smell. Quick healing to the doggo.
Males and farts, doesn’t matter the species. Farts are funny.
STILL chuckling over this one.
Too bad there’s not an emoji monkey pinching it’s nose closed in the old “evil” triad saying:
🙈🙉🙊
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.
Oh dear. All dog owners sympathize. I think you can give simethicone to dogs. Check with your vet. It may help.
Haha!! I’ve got a little gas monster myself, so helpful when you’re trying to concentrate. Looking forward to the mystery novella!!
Snookie: powering the Algorithm for you. <3. Hope she is feeling better soon.
LOL
I feel your pain. I had a Dobermann, Liebchen, who gobbled down some dry food at a friend’s house. Her gas attack was so potent, even Liebchen’s eyes were watering and she put her head on my lap, “Please, make it stop.” I leashed her up and we walked 3 miles. That helped get the stuff thru her system. When we got home, she flopped down in relief. But the occasional fart still took place and she would run to her leash to get back outside. We lived in an apartment at the time and didn’t have a yard. It was an experience.
Feeding Sookie The Farmer’s Dog brand of dog food might reduce the fart production. Just sayin’.
Ahh meu Deus!! Ela é maravilhosa, os gases fazem parte do charme!
Does the food have turkey in it? It took us a bit, but we have learned that turkey for our pack causes gas. LOTS of gas. Thanksgiving is always odiferous.
I’ve been told 1 Tablespoon of canned yams mixed with the food will help a dog’s digestion.
That absolutely tracks for Facebook, 😂💀
If you need some of the paint left on your walls, I’m not a vet but I do have a Boston/pug cross. It can be well worth it to upgrade the quality of their food. We do raw, but I know that’s fraught for some, and not everyone has time or the spoons to cook for their pets. Even the pet food store cans are a step up. A dog probiotic can help, or even just a bit of unsweetened Kefir or yogurt.
LOL!! I imagine if you were trying to describe how the cave smelled too, the description might be unintentionally influenced by the smell of Sookies farts
I understand the farty dog and the dealieness of their gassius activities. I am surprised the rest of the Horde hasn’t devoured the potential snippet we have received.
Is Sookie going to get her own book, or at least a spot in one or more of the stories? I concur, that is fine and exceptional content(hilariously so)! I’m 67 and laughing like a third grader.
OMG, laughing so hard I can’t breathe! All the storms here last night means I’m running on about three hours sleep today, so of course, fart jokes are about where my sleep-deprived IQ is. Your brilliant creativity aided by Sookie, the malodorous muse. Thank you for making my day.
Ha – for some reason dog farts must be shared. But that’s hysterical that in Facebook’s eyes they are wholesome and represent all that is good in the world. Or a sad comment on most people’s content these days.
My dog fart story goes as follows – my 70lb Texas brown dog mix does not usually fart. Then she had diarrhea for a few days for reasons unknown and the FARTS WERE TOXIC. She polluted the entire house. First it was the first floor, where she hangs out. Then I swear it was coming through the heat vent into my basement office. I had to choke on the air as I tried to concentrate on work. You’d sort of get used to it, and then leave the house and come back to the literal fog of stench hanging in the air. I really feel now for owners of flatulent pooches – I had no idea what I was missing. Thank goodness he’s back to normal!
i will always stop for cute animal pictures and stories. on any social media. it is my achilles heel.
sometimes the farting calms down after they get used to the new food they’ve just been switched to. i hope that happens for sookie. and you have my sympathies.
LOL!
There can be no doubt that your dog“s farts are high quality on Facebook. Though this tells more about Facebook than you or your dog.
PS: I was feeling quite down, but your post really cheered me up. So yeah, high quality!
Ok…it is posts like this that make my day! ROFLMAO
omg that is so funny! Thank you for sharing the… ambience?
Also… novella?
*Lights the beacon fires to alert the BDH*
This reminded me of Cookie, Sean, and the fart gun
Giggling uncontrollably!
Best laugh ever!!!!!
I’ve been having a really crap week, with way too much stress. THANK YOU for sharing this high-quality f’ing material (and I mean that in a very non-duck way). I needed that belly laugh. GO SOOKIE!!!
All Sookie content is quality content. I mean, just look at that face!!! 🥰💕💕💕 But good luck, and hopefully Miss Sookie’s tummy will get used to the new food soon.
Thank you for this post, the resulting giggles, and for working on a novella (!!!!) 😁
By the way, this sounds awesome read out loud with appropriate sound effects. My 26 YO son is begging for mercy.
The first thing I did was Google “Gas X and dogs”! As you are an intelligent woman I am assuming you’ve already checked and it’s supposed to be safe. Gas X and I are good friends as anything with carbonation has noisy results and is so embarrassing in public. I had a friend who worked in a grocery store and one of her pet peeves was people who walked the aisles out-gassing with every step. She had some VERY strong opinions about it which kind of surprised me as she was pretty laid back. Such is life.
Lol, my inner 12 year old is still giggling! (You said “fart”! Bwahahaha!) My kids found it hilarious too. Birds of a feather, lol. Thank you for the snippet and the fun post. Hope Sookie’s recovery continues to go well.
Had a blue Persian named Mister. He loved to lay on his back and wrestle with your hand as he was tickled. Every time my dad would play with him, Mister would wait until he was close and let go. Never did it with anyone else and Dad fell for the trap every time.
Sookie is wonderful.
🤣❤️🐶
I just can’t stop laughing, this thread is comedy gold! Someone mentioned Sookie should have a cameo somewhere in one of your books….I’d second that suggestion… or indeed any of your critters. Surely a one eyed Frenchie, a lovable but flatulent Orc-dog, a hyper vigilant German shepard (i know.. she belongs to one of the kids but she’s still funny), or an orange house-tiger have comedic possibilities. Or maybe the BDH just has a low bar for humor. 🙂
at least your ‘wider audience’ are spared the rare and unmissable quality of a prime dog fart.
Farts don’t bother me much – there are times I’m glad that I seem to be missing certain scent receptors.
I have never smelled a skunk in my life, and it is NOT for lack of opportunity.
I have also never smelled a gas leak. Fortunately, there was only the one time and I walked in on that and noticed the dial’s position within about 20 minutes.
LOL You and Sookie have DEFINITELY made my day!!! I guess Meta’s AI has yet to truly understand the human meaning attached to ‘high quality content’ 🙂
I have a Boston Terrier. They’re notorious for their gas, and he frequently clears a room. He also is an adorable beggar who my in laws can’t resist sneaking forbidden table food to. This read like after a family dinner.
Hope you get some writing done and Sookie feels better soon!
Wasn’t “Bear” Nick Feldman’s dog name ?:D Is this a hint about the new novella ?
Isn’t Bear part of Kate’s world? Is Sookie adding atmospheric ambience to a Kate short story?
The timing and apparent incorporation of her farts into your writing (“odd acrid stench”, Bear taking refuge behind you, etc.) had me laughing so hard I started coughing and needed my asthma inhaler. Damned pollen season. Quality content, indeed!
Thank you for the LAUGH!!! I so needed to laugh I could cry. Bless your talent and Sookie!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
😂😂😂
😂😂😂
🦨💨
So to get more attention on FB, post fart jokes. I’m so glad I never signed up.
OMG that’s utterly hilarious 😂. I have tears from laughing so much. Quality content indeed!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My labradoodle tends to pass gas when doing that play bow which is more of a morning stretch. Front legs flat on the floor, butt in the air – you know, the inspiration for that classic “downward dog” pose. I call them her yoga farts.
very amusing story brightened my day