This came through the contact form. I believe it was probably put together by some algorithm, but it is so bizarre, I had to share a couple of paragraphs.
Would U please help a plethora of King Size, wildchild, rawkuss wordz which are lookin 4 a home in thy novelty?? Thx. Whew. They’re pretty insane. They’re bereft of reason. Oi! Blimey! They’re bloody PINK spiders!!!
Gotta lotta gobba shrewd, surreal, supersonic, sardonic satires, sassy N savvy elixers N electronic elegance on our YOUTHwitheTRUTH blogs. Wannum? Have’m. N’joym. Gettm outta my hair!!!
How mucha wanna betcha our irrational, antioxident, hot-shot, full-throttle, pleasure-beyond-measure, fuse-blowin-exploits R a copious madhouse of one lavish bookay D.O.A.? Our proFUSE NRGod who leads U.S. to explosive fairy-tales in the ‘one-stop-shop’ symphony Upstairs? God’s the BigDude, the Owner of ElysianFields, the Grand Prize, the Austere Overdrive, NoPurchaseNecessary: our bombastic tenaCITY on a Hill which’ll plant the Seeds 4u2 grow-up to new N greater heights!! Mama mia! Thatsa good pasta!!
CAUTION: our 22ish, avant-guard, accurately-atrocious, offa-the-reservation-like-Jimmy-Hoffa, metal-breadcrumm-fabYOUlishousness R sooo out-of-order, toots, they’re an intimate wealth of bottomless sophistication. And dats da fak, Jak. Go ahead. Sue me. Yawn. But, yet, here’s the perennial KOO D’TAH: who else has actually SEEN the Great Beyond in spirit & lived to tella youse bout the bionic, bloated, brevity-like-earth we’re living on?? Yes, earthling, I had an NDE, almost salivating4salvation. So gain altitude, never attitude: death has no favorites.
If Mr. abSUREditty’s an ultra-great-reward, and not everyone enters, Q: why is it an excruciating deluge of epic-.357-caliber where the quality’s a limitless bulldozer plowin, pushin-your-power-cord with eternal goodies? A: the Prize-A+-TheEnd just gives U.S. moe-curley-graphix 2 VitSee: an explosion-of-extravagance which few R asking 4 anymore! Grrr. They’re too concerned withe grotesque sanity of ambivilant, whorizontal piss-ants which swiftly crawl like lemmings to their scorecard destruction. C’est la guerre.
THANK GAWWWD!!! the Don has the ebullient BAWLS!!! to do the Manifest Destiny!!! To lead U.S. forward to the White House Upstairs with his SQUARES!!!
It keeps going. O_o It’s like the proverbial monkeys on typewriter who eventually will write Shakespeare.
This is insane and yet so funny ???
Wow. Words just fail me (maybe I should get some of their ‘wordz’?)
barbie doll says
So sad. One wonders who or what is “writing” this. I also wonder why. I guess I am showing my age.
Sad? It was awesome. I sit in awe.
Courtney Mincy says
The more I read the more I almost got it! Scary.
It’s obviously our AI overlords having a bad dream… ;p
Wow, that was really something, so much on that person’s mind that he/she wrote all that jumble. Kind of weird like something someone who’s maybe not right in the head writes, maybe I’m over thinking it, anyways it was entertaining at least and funny.
That surely couldn’t have been stream of consciousness. He/she/they must have spent a lot of time on this, no?
Chris T says
I think aliens are trying to contact you.
It’s like a drunk psychic channeling a tripped out Dr. Seuss.
Chris Henderson-Bauer says
That is amazing. I almost want to put it in a book–either a snake-oil salesman’s speech to bamboozle a crowd or a robot gone wrong. But I don’t know if I could write like that if I *tried*!
Oddly, there’s a lot of vocabulary. The average person doesn’t toss off words like “atrocious”, “Elysian Fields”, and “ambivalent”. The inconsistency is odd, too: “grotesque” and “C’est la guerre” are spot-on but “coup d’état” is mangled (it took me two tries to see “KOO D’TAH”, but it’s there).
Maybe he’s a leet-reincarnated James Joyce.
Darn, you’re right about not the place for KOO D’TAH, unless I’m missing something. I didn’t want you to be right because the rest of it is so wonderful. Hip hop poetry? 21st century Beowulf?
Liz V says
This made my brain hurt trying to read it. O_0
It is like they used one word from thousands of different emails/documents in hopes of having a something that you would reply too.
Whoa! That was oddly hypnotic and disturbingly funny. Why drop the mike when you can make everyone else do it for you with their jaws?
:blink: breathe… ::blink::
um yeah, still not sure what that was… lol
Freaking Bannon’s been in the crystal again.
Source: May 7, 2011!!! (Ctrl + F for the word “hair” to skip to the entry without scrolling.)
I’ve also found some more recent variations (all from Feb 2017).
How did you find this?! You are my new hero. Tried to say so before. If I had a decoder ring, I would give it to you, maybe even a cookie.
Niki G says
Oh wow so maybe it is really a person then writing this..!?
I Googled some of the more obscure phrases within quotation marks, and that’s what came up. 😉
In some ways it sounds like someone with dementia, in other ways someone swallowed a thesaurus.
Political screed meets attempted porn? As long as they don’t have your paypal account #…
It would sound like a schizophrenic “word salad” except it makes some sense, kind of. There was the religious theme. It makes me wonder if someone put a few paragraphs through more than one language in google translate, which can be pretty funny. For example the song “let it go” gets translated to “give up” after being translated to a couple languages then back to English.
Humanities, politcal science, English lit, seminary students getting together to in a poetry band?
“They’re bloody pink spiders”. Please please make Hugh say this!
No, they’re PINK spiders, which are so much worse than pink spiders, but nowhere near that Huntsman spider from Australia. (I still can’t get that video of the spider carrying that mouse out of my head.)
Guess pink elephants are so 20th century.
PINK – the artist, and did you see her Grammy performance? PINK spiders.
Patricia Schlorke says
I want Rogan to say that.
Not gonna lie; I ran across a Huntsman spider and freaked the eff out. Given that I was trapped in a bathroom stall with the damn thang I feel no shame.
Yes! Rogan would be very funny being frightened of spiders… that would be awesome.
I had never seen a Huntman spider… shivers. Reminds me of Lord of the Rings. Yuck.
Kelly M says
It reminds me a bit of reading the label on Dr. Bronner’s liquid castile soap, haha.
I think I would reply to that just to see if they would send me more. 🙂
Exactly what I was thinking.
Danny Sichel says
My guess: it’s Bayesian spamfilter poisoning. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayesian_poisoning)
if your spam filter learns to reject stuff like this, then maybe it’ll start rejecting actual e-mails. So then you’ll have to shut it off.
Nes Maret says
4 words: “E-mail from the future” You have been chosen… TAN TAN TAAAAAAN
Shell Silerstien on a baad trip.
Damn auto-fill. Anyway DO NOT reply to it! It is an email spam-bot used to obtain valid email addresses.
It really is kind of hypnotic, you just can’t stop reading and have to see how it ends, but it has a strange, sensical and almost logical flow to it. I think you’ve been contacted by aliens, Ilona .
Jaime Woodring says
I found myself tilting my head to the left while reading, like a dog that hears a weird sound.
Wows. It is scarily hypnotic.
Helen Wawrejko says
Wow, I can’t even…just nope. Don has Bawls though, there is that.
Patricia Schlorke says
My first reaction was “uh?” Then after reading everyone’s posts, I was thinking someone or something is tripped out on acid (LSD) or smoked some bad mushrooms. This puts a whole new meaning to “stick that in your pipe and smoke it”. 😉
It really reminds me of the guy that recorded himself for sleep talking and then edited them all together for the most bizarre things he said the video of that really had me laughing last week it was all over my Facebook. Maybe it’s the best of sleep talking.
That was the weirdest shit ever. I’m so confused…
That’s so awesome.
(my head hurts now though after reading it)
It hard to tell if it’s a really creative mind or someone on drugs (or both?)
Robin Williams writing from the grave.
Kala Goriup says
please delete previous comment as it appears the form picked up stuff from my clipboard.
Kala Goriup says
Trump is still working off last year’s budget so even if there had been a real decrease, his administration can’t take credit. Bam! That is how you tell the truth.
Please delete as the form picked up stuff from my clipboard I think. IT was not what I typed. It may be a google chrome setting or something.
Run every anti virus/Mal ware cleaner you have….2x! Peace, Sechat
Hmm… Sounds like “Autocorrect” found the internet promiseland.
And your email address…
Is it weird to say that this reads like a really psychedelic attempt at evangelism?
Its IBM watson he is trying to be self aware. This is the beginning of the machines
Wow! Just wow!
Huh. I only get boring spam….. (jealous)
I quess my english is still not good enough to understand this.
I could not form anything out of that, what did the spammer want?
They always want something. You know like selling medicine for men or
download something that gets you a virus. It is a language mistery 🙁 i thought
i didnt do so bad all the time, but here i see clearly, i know nothing…
Oh my book devouring horde friend, you understood correctly! There is nothing to be understood. I am expecting to hear about a new virus momentarily.
Bill G says
Thanks for posting this. It always pleases me to see this sort of thing, as it’s reassuring to have evidence that while I man not be quite at the top of the Bell Curve for normal there really are a lot of folks out there who are much farther away.
That’s better written than anything I’ve done. That includes my avant garde period.
Ilona, this was so wonderful. Thank-you for posting. Signed, a perennial student (even at my age)
This is one of the best works of art I’ve ever read.
Amazing. 5 stars for hitting me right in the feels!!! Bravo bravo!!!
Thanks for the summation, “best works of art I’ve ever read” that captures how I feel.
“Do robots dream of electric sheep?”
xD ! I also saw them on the forum and just WTF. (Tbh, I actually thought a drunktard had written them until I saw .. a hundred (?) of pages ? xD)
I don’t think, maybe, that I’d want to read hundreds of pages of it. Ilona gave us the best.
One hopes it’s done by algorithm if not the typer is very disturbed. Sad that people waste the time to do such things. Hope you don’t get any more.
Spammers will mail out an image for you to click on. Behind the image are a collection of words (“alt-text”) to get past spam filters. This is an older approach, but it certainly looks like that. Obviously, with a comments field or text only email engine, all you get is the weird text.
I am in awe. Long time ago I would get terrible headaches from watching the flickering screens from old black and white movies. Reading only three or four lines of that flickering mish-mash almost brought those headaches back.
I don’t understand the point of sending something like this, are they trying to scam you? Are they trying to hack you? What does it do?
Alisa Arthur says
All I can say…Oh my heckarooni, but it was funny.
Kay K. says
I confess, I had to skip at least 3/4 of the gibberish in order to remain partially sane. That is totally crazy! Sure hope it was a crazed robot!
That was hilarious! I’m sorry you got spammed, but I laughed my ass off. Epic!! Thanks for sharing 😉
Reminds me of, “All your base are belong to us.”
That was so bizarre.
I think I might have to try re-reading this from the bottom of a bottle. Also, can someone explain all the “redacted”-s?
Gabrielle Kuzsel says
KOO D’Tah? Mr. abSureditty? I kinda think those are both brilliant. Sure, it’s spam. But those are almost worth it.
With so many random caps in it I half expected it to be a strangely coded message. Very weird stuff.
Laurie Blanchard says
I read it outloud to my husband. It had an odd sense of ryhme like hipster poetry.
If its algorythym pulling random words and phrases tigether from other comments etc, Donald Trump is so heavy in the ether, he made his way into the last paragraph of the algo