I am stuck. I’m stuck, I’m stuck, I’m stuck. There is a problem that we need to fix in Maggie. I know where I’m going and I have no clue how to get there. I know I’m in trouble because I can’t even clearly articulate what the problem is. I just know that there is a problem. I feel it. It’s this amorphous knot in Chapter 10.
Ugh.
Yesterday after thinking about it way too hard I went into the bedroom and tried to tell Gordon about it. I made no sense and ended up doing an impression of a cat who hides their face in the pillow. Me and Tuna, two peas in a pod.
This is edit #4? 5? I lost count. We edited this so much even before we ever tried to sell it.
I saw a self-labeled hot take on a social network from another author with a long career, who stated that midlist struggles while bestsellers don’t. The idea is that life for bestselling authors is easy, smooth sailing.
We were NYT bestsellers with a book that had $15,000 advance split over the period of 18 months. How much marketing do you think we got, heh?
The creative struggle is the same, the professional anxiety is the same, the self-doubt is the same. The process of bringing idea to publication is the same. It takes the same amount of work as before, probably more, because there are higher expectations. We sell more, but that doesn’t mean that we always get the contracts we want or that the publisher falls over themselves to market our releases. On some books we had a lot of support, on some we had none, and once in a while I could swear the publisher actively attempted to sabotage the release, which is the point you call your agent and say things like, “What the hell is going on over there?”
In reality, no, nobody is sabotaging releases but sometimes the publishing team assigned to the book doesn’t coordinate and things fall like dominoes.
You can be a bestseller, sell 100,000 copies of the book in a year and still be a failure, because you didn’t meet the publisher’s anticipated sales volume. The pressure is crushing and you’re only as good as your last book. Having a long career as a bestselling author means constantly having to either top or reinvent yourself. But I can see how it would seem smooth sailing: bestseller authors avoid complaining in public because our audience expects us to be grateful and anything even remotely critical will be seen as punching down.
Writing is hard work. It’s hard for everyone across the board, the aspiring authors, the debuting authors, the midlist, the bestsellers, the household names. It’s just hard.
I watched this really interesting anime called So I’m a Spider, So What? This girl ends up in a fantasy world reincarnated as a spider. If you’re in the market for a unique anime, this is it. They do such interesting things with layered plot lines. The spider is absolutely hilarious and super cute.
It’s dubbed on Crunchyroll and the English voice acting is excellent, but I couldn’t find a clip of it so here is the sub version.
Poor Hiro. Every time she wins, a greater challenge comes along and she ends up with her butt literally on fire. One time only a head was left but she survived. She does not quit. I need the second season.
So if you’re sitting there today, frustrated, remember, we do not quit even when our butts are on fire.
Phew.
Okay. Once more into the breach. Maybe if I write this down in very simple terms, I can figure out how to fix it.
((Hugs))
Sorry you are stuck.
Wishing you all the metaphorical pry bars, tow trucks, and WD-40 necessary to get unstuck.
I am sending a whole squad of bunny cat kittens via brainwaves to you, may they share their bacon. Good luck!
hope you get your groove back soon. I am sure when you fix it, it’ll be amazing even if you still want to improve it. 😉
You got this, breathe all will be well.
try a flow chart. I work for the State, everytime a confusing interpretation of the law came out, she would do a flow chart so we could understand what was going on. i’m so sad she retired last year. Good Luck
Milo the Chonk (Mr.MilotheChonk) on Facebook and Instagram is about the life struggles of Milo (cat), his human butlers, and roommates Poppy and Beckham. I find getting a little lost in his narrative helps. Especially when he tricks the dog into getting locked in his crate. Milo must be one of the most remarkable cats ever. Lol 😂 highly recommend.
I also love your books and very much appreciate the hard work. Here’s to lucky draft #7!!
We believe in you, you can do the thing.
The answer will come.
I hear you and empathize. The pressure in a creative endeavor is uniquely spirit and mind -grinding, as you literally manifest from the substance of yourself. ‘Bestselling’ is a label that only means that you are not likely to apply for government aid today. I’m writing this before reading the other comments but I’m hoping that this is a safe space for you to share the journey with your readers.
We are grateful.
peace
Hi Ilona,
Don’t worry: I’m just rereading Kate Daniel series with great pleasure, waiting for your next book!
… and I’m happy it takes some time and enjoy little details that I didn’t catch last time because I really wanted to go ahead…
Happy weekend 🥰
Bless you for your efforts and your humanity. I truly appreciate that you don’t rest on your laurels and phone it in bc I’ve read books like that from other Bestsellers and… wow. That or they got tired and didn’t want to finish the contract. Either way it’s bad. So bad. So thank you for your angst and caring. I’m sure you’ll figure it out to your satisfaction. Or, if your perfectionism is your personal demon and you can’t leave things alone that everyone else says are freaking fine, that’s when I smack my own hand and go, “Stop it, Ami! Is it good enough for the government to run? Yes? Then STOP and walk away!” We aren’t going to discuss how many times I’ve had that chat with myself over the years.
I want to second this comment. There are certain authors I’ve read and been sad that their writing never grows, they repeat things book after book and sometimes even copy stuff from previous books. When I pick up one of your books for the first or twentieth time I know there will be things to love, ponder and be amazed by. Each book, series and character is unique and a true gem.
Man, and I thought I had problems writing term papers. It was so hard to start, so hard to make it interesting, hard to stay accurate, hard to finish, hard to pick topics. I feel for you. Your writing is so great you have almost insurmountable odds to outdo yourselves. But, know that I appreciate the fact that you succeed every time. I’m always amazed at the new story, the new approach, the new feelings invoked. Especially in all your great series. You have to remain true to each character, remember so many details, and make it new at the same time. Thank you for being stuck, for staying with it, for succeeding anyway.
Hang on there. You will figure it out. Remember the fix you did for Catalina in Ruby Fever? You found the spot where you went wrong and you said the rewrite was easy. It’s a dropped stitch and you will find it and fix it without having to tear out rows and rows.
When I have an intractable problem. I review it as I go to sleep. When I wake up I do not always have an ereaker moment but I at least I am more confident about one option.
I have faith that you’ll come up with an answer! It will probably come at the strangest time like you’re eating dinner or at the grocery store, but it will come. Stories are unruly creatures and it’s like herding cats, but it will come together because your talent and strengths will get you there.
Take a walk. or better yet, get your mind off things by trying to take Tuna for a walk lol!!
it’s trite but true that moving your body gives your brain time to work in the background.
probably you have already tried all these things, so sending all the good vibes. lol
i recently had a book that I bought because the author did the book like a DM, and all major plot points has a die cast for how things would happen. A totally strange book, but I thought I’d suggest that you do something totally different to get over your hangup. throw the dice, ture the character into one of your pets and think how that pet would respond. Just do something different.
Go downtown and take a homeless person to Mickie Ds for lunch. something totally random that you either never do, or very seldom do.
I’m sure none of these ideas will help, but maybe just thinking about them would help.
I really don’t want you upset…
Wait! Perhaps that is the perfect thing!
Upset the Chapter!
Write a “new” chapter 10… A chapter without any rhyme or reason to the rest of the story.
Keep two characters and write it completely out of context. Write it as an existential crisis. Write it as a dream… write it so the problem, whatever it is, magically “pops”, like touching a soap bubble with a dry finger. Give it the “Star Trek” no-win scenario boot to the head!
Many years ago, I was babysitting a friend’s son. He was about 8 years old. (This was back when Minecr*ft was just taking off.) He was building a world in the game that was based on reality and it was not working the way he wanted.
He asked me about forts and castles from history, which is NOT in my wheelhouse. So we hunted up some of the details on the Web a.k.a., the Internet (note the Capitals “W” and “I” from that time). And, after falling down the rabbit hole for almost two hours, we discussed building techniques and how he could recreate it in the game software.
Again, he was frustrated by the lack of control he had over the building process and the time frame he had started the game with — he had to play the game longer and earn the upgrades, but he hadn’t figured that out yet. (I was no help in this arena because the last computer game I’d played, besides a free version of Mine Sweeper, was “Leather Goddesses of Phobos”.)
I suggested an alternative, “Why don’t you try to build what you want with your Legos, then repeat it in the game?” — I figured the legos would limit the design and structure of the castle fort he wanted to build which would then limit what he could translate into the digital world architecture.
Boy, was I wrong.
The Lego castle fort he built was incredible! Detailed and fancy decorations on the walls, doors and gates, plus rooms and towers with windows and a moat outside it, and an incredible “drawbridge” gate, all built with Lego bricks of various kinds and colors. All from his imagination after deciding what he wanted his “real” castle to look like based on what we discovered in photos and text.
But I was right, too.
He figured out how to build the base better so his walls could go higher and his castle fort bigger, stronger and better.
The Lego castle took him most of the day to build. By the time he was done, I think it dawned on him that building a similar structure in the game would take time and patience, as well as earning upgrades and discovering “easter eggs”.
I know you aren’t playing a game, but maybe veering off the path into something else will allow your brain to figure it out.
Maybe building it out of Legos will set your imagination free.
But, maybe I’m just full of it. I don’t know… I’m not an author.
So, I will just say, “Good luck and God speed.”
P.S. — I can’t hardly wait for the book!
❤️🔥I feel that way at the moment. Currently doing a professional pivot that I’m excited about but learning a new pipeline and building a portfolio from scratch has some moments where I literally cry from frustration. Channeling my inner Po, from Kung Fu Panda.
I am intelligent enough to put myself into your shoes and empathize with you. Hell I almost had a panic attack. Whew…..lol Sorry if I ever blew up at you! 🙂 Just being silly I know I never have and never will. Good luck and if you’re stuck just take a flight on your dragon. 🙂
“…remember, we do not quit even when our butts are on fire.” <3 <3 now taped on a notecard on my computer screen, thank you
The “So I’m a Spider, So What” light novels are also excellent.
I got hooked on the anime, and have read the entire series a couple of times while waiting for the next season. :-p
*Hugs!* and thank you for sharing a little glimpse of your struggles! People so often think that writing gets easier once you’ve “made it”, or that it’s easy if you’re “talented” but I’ve found that most things people assume are “easy” are a lot more difficult than they expect.
I’m a technical writer so I under the stress about being stuck and editing, particularly with multiple editors. When that happened I’d pull out one of your books to read or re-read. I’d also watch true crime documentaries. So after the break I was unstuck or I skipped to a new section to work on for a while, and then went back…computer software is a true gift for all writers (versus typewriters or gasp…writing by hand). I have full confidence in your amazing skills in writing awesome stories with fantastic characters…so don’t be so hard on yourself. And animal petting is a sure source of stress relief!
Thank you for this post. I needed the reminder that we don’t quit even when our hurts are on fire.
Grr.
I hope your problems solve easier and better than you expect.
Dear Ilona & Gordon,
BDH greatly appreciates the hard work, time, energy & sheer creativity you both put into each and every book & novella!
I’m a book dragon, devouring books constantly. It’s rare for me to reread a book or relisten to audiobook.
Exception to this is everything you two create. My go-to happy places are in the worlds you have introduced to BDH.
Thank you !