Normally I stay off Twitter except for the release week. I happened to be on and I saw that a lovely person named Elle wrote this tweet and another person named Beth replied to it and tagged me.
I clicked on the thread and saw that a couple of other people tagged me.
Challenge accepted. Here are stories of people’s lives as written by “Ilona Andrews.”
Then I had to quit, because Gordon and I decided to watch Venom: Carnage movie which was hilarious.
Lessons learned: it’s difficult to write flash fiction on Twitter. I tried to use information listed in the tweet or in the profile, but the character limit was a bit stifling.
I saw this on Twitter, and it was amazing.
+ 1
These were so awesome!
Loved them. Now to find the books they go in. :@)
+1
Ditto these were so much fun!
Is it the last book I finished, or does the book I am currently reading count? *thinks back* nevermind, they’re both House Andrews novels!
Though one of my recent reads was by David Attenborough, and another by one of his camera crew… both books were non-fiction so not technically novels, but in lieu of being written by Ilona Andrews (which I trust would have me being pretty awesome in one way or another), being written by Sir David and crew would not be a bad alternative…
No. Just…no. I can hear Sir David in my head now: “the Tracy is the most pitiful of the suburbanites, with a routine mostly unchanging from day to day. Watch closely as she does another load of laundry before heading to the grocers. Life is short for this small creature but it feels long. The big excitement today is deciding what’s for dinner”
Seconded/third-Ed etc-ed
Loved these and it was like Christmas morning waking up and reading these after the zoom session the night before.
From what I read, you did a great job even with the character limits. ????????????????????
These are amazing!
Great Scott! We (your fans) call and you answer. Awesome!! Thank you! What a fabulous way to start the day!!!
Had to be best holiday gift ever for twitter fans.
I wish I was on Twitter now! Those lucky lucky people to have a glimpse at their personal Ilona Andrews world. I’m going to try and imagine my own now, for me and Coco the 3 legged bunny 🙂 PS. Thank you for the many hours of happy reading x
+1 And my thanks too!
So much fun! Thank you!
+1!
Oh wow, lucky fans and awesome bits of story!
I was worried about taking the kids to see Carnage but hubby won the arguemnet that they’ve read the comics and watched the 90s spiderman cartoon. It was funny, but the end credit scene was the best part for me.
100% would have made this reader geek’s life
Thank you!
Thank you!
Lucky Twitter fans – so nice of you (as usual) to play along for a while. ????
I love it! This was the perfect distraction from a tedious day doing taxes! Thank you for sharing! <3
That’s amazing! And it probably made each of those people’s day quite a bit brighter. Thanks for bringing some joy into the world!
These are great! I know you made a lot of people very happy.
These are amazing! I laughed so hard; it made my day.
Bahaha, your flash fiction is fantastic! The empress had me snorting, lol. I don’t always *do* twitter, but this is the stuff that makes it worth it.
Thanks for making a lot of people really happy. <3
Yep! They were all so good but I really clicked with the empress.
ROTFL; thanks so much!
Superb!
How about Ilona writes one about Gordon, and vice-versa?
or you could work with my email address as a short description of me… (icefirelou…)
Hahahaha “Their father assures me that this is just a phase,” xDDD
Last book I read was Swordheart by T. Kingfisher… was listening to the audio while recovering from the covid booster shot.
So… I would just probably be a boring peasant 😛
that was fun! Thank you.
LOL, awesome. Now the BDH will watch for these characters to make their cameos in future works (or not, all good). Thanks for the spot of fun.
You are super awesome and I so wish I had been on the Twitter feed that day….. loved reading their lives. So exciting! Here lately, I am so very into peace after all of the generational battles I have fought. So happy!
How fun! I’m off to imagine me in my inn.
I think I speak for the entire BDH when I say “write ANY of those and I WILL BUY IT.”
Yep! (also-in-Md)
Absolutely. I loved “their father assures me this is just a phase.”
This is amazing! I can’t believe I missed this. I always wanted to be written into hidden legacy. Raina would be a great name for a weather mage. Or is that too obvious ????
These are awesome! TYVM for sharing!
How funny, you made their day and ours. 100% guarantee they got printed out and will be framed for posterity on the brag wall! I certainly would if it was me. 🙂
I hope you and Gordon can rest and rehab your spirits throughout the season without any looming deadlines and enter 2022 refreshed and ready to write again.
You’re simply amazing 😀 the stories made my day
Completely and utterly charming! Also hilarious. What a great gift to those Twitter users and the BDH????????
Thank you so very, very much.
+ 1 !!
+1 And thank you for posting here, for those of us who have sworn off antisocial media.
I am not on Twitter, so thanks for sharing those here. I am sure they were thrilled and hope you enjoyed writing them.
AWESOME as always!
These are brilliant, and I would read any of these books.
This was awesome!! You just illustrated why I love being a fan of House Andrews!! So dope…
OMG, I loved these! (And I’m sort of jealous!) They’re like mini-snippets!
OMG; those were great. Those readers were so lucky you caught that stream. I wish I had been part of that Twitter feed. Being a 60 year old happily married mother with three grown girls and no expectation of grandchildren, I would love a new life narrative written by my favorite author(s). Story of my life; always the ladt to know and miss the deal.
You definitely made some people’s year. What a cool thing to do.
Venom: Carnage was indeed hilarious. “It’s one of the red ones!”
This is absolutely perfect. And now I need a full book about Kat and her parade of suitors! Lmao. All of these were books I’d easily read!
Amazing snippets of what could be cool stories, I can see those scenes like doors opening in Gertrude Hunt to the world they play out in.
A pity I’m not on Twitter but glad so many Fans are and you made not just their day but ours too.
Hsppily dreaming of somewhere else now….
Wow! What fun to read! I am so impressed by your imagination and writing skills. They don’t always coincide, but you’ve been blessed with both.
You made several someone s very happy:)
This is the best thing I have read in days. Truly awesome! Thank you.
epic!
Absolutely brilliant. I wish I could have participated but what can you do with a patent attorney? We’re geeks on two levels and so very boring. ????????
I love these! Makes me so happy. Fulfilling all our badass dreams.
I followed these in real time and it was such fun! Thank you!
Ilona flicked her hair. It’s tendrils of fire snaked out to the attacking beasts, and speared them to the walls of the castle. “Mwahaha, take that evil demons” she spit at them. And watched with glee as that dissolved them, and the goo ran into the drain.
Yes! So cool!! Good on ya!!
Lol amazing!! I would read all those life stories…. Super fun on an unlucky day …
This is wonderful! I wasn’t there (I avoid Twitter also), but these are such a treat.
These are incredible and so enjoyable to read, thank you so much for the laughter. I bet you made these readers’ DAY!!
AbsolutelyLoved all snippets. If only new books could come from these. HINT HINT
Thanks always for all your hard work.
There was a new book release last week! ????
Devouring by name,devouring by nature hehe
I love it!
That sounds like fun! I bet you made the day of all those folks.
I know I’d be amused to have my photography skills taken to a HoyseAndrews level.
Thanks for sharing. ♡
Just dropping in to randomly say thank you, not just for the terrific novels (had a Kate Daniels reread binge last week, because reasons) but also for being an inspiration: just finished my first-ever urban fantasy, and I learned so much about pacing that kind of story, and about how to handle emotional undercurrents, and a bunch of other stuff.
You and your books have gotten me through a bunch of moments, and they are (curiously) quite hopeful, in the sense that characters in them don’t give up on themselves or the world around them, and that’s important to feel, especially lately.
Omg. If I were any of theses people I would blow this up and frame it. All of these were freaking amazing and I’d read a book about all of you. I bet ya didn’t realize you guys were so badass. Love love love that Ilona did this spontaneously.
Made my Tuesday!!
Oh my sweet lord, this is almost enough to make me want to be on Twitter. <3
Oh wow!!! Thank you so much, Ilona! These were such a treat to read! A lovely, beginning of Advent gift!
Oh good lord. I don’t do Twitter but would print and frame that if it happens to me :). How cool would a personal story from Ilona Andrews be?!
I love this! I am none of the above people, but I want to say thank you anyway, it was very enjoyable
🙂
Awesome and hilarious! (Also a great idea as a writing lesson for my older students! Hope you don’t mind me using some of these as examples.)
Omg I so needed this. Thank you so much.
This was awesome! Completely and utterly awesome! So little info and yet you can see all of those worlds.
This is awesome and the distraction and giggles are very much appreciated…you’re the best! Hope you enjoyed the movie. ????
You made their days, possibly even their years!!
LOVE IT!!!!!
I loved these. They were so much fun to read. It made me wonder what you would write for a scientist. 🙂
Loved it!!!
You NAILED it!!! Great Job as always –
Fabulous! I also wish to let you know that Fated Blades was superb and I thank you so much! Doesn’t seem to matter what the storyline is, I love it all.
This is almost enough to make me want to open a Twitter account since the last book I read was Sweep of the Blade. ❤️????
Loved this!!!!!!
Loved the flash fiction! I’m sure they will be treasured by their recipients!
That was so sweet and very cool of you doing this!I too am not on Twitter so I appreciate your reposting these! Oh, so good!!!
Absolutely marvelous! All those fast flashes in a few scentences creating whole worlds in a few seconds! Loved all of them but hat to laugh most about Kat, your „single empress“! ????
Greets and a lovely stress-free christmas time from sleet-snowing Switzerland!
Inga
I’m kinda bummed I didn’t see this on Twitter and get written about. Need to be on Twitter more.
Love your writing! It just makes me happy.
This would be a dream cone true but im not on twitter. I’m very happy with the ones you did though. It’s a scientific fact that BDH would read your shopping list and love it 🙂
Your voice is amazing! I love everything you write… even when there is character count limitations!
I am sure your tweet responses were the highlight of each recipient’s December!
I am severely sleep deprived, and I did NOT understand about the Twitter thing at first. All I could think was somehow I’d missed some amazing books in the back catalog, and clicked links trying to find purchase info ????????????
I’m not twitter, those are amazing to have minds that can think up stories like that at a drop of a hat after finish a book and doing Q&As for another release.
These are awesome! You made their day…a bit jealous right now ????
Love them! And it’s awesome you took the time and energy to do it. Many reasons you guys are on the top of my list for favorite authors
I hope you do realize, that all of those flash tweets were amazing pieces of writing and they deserve their own novel.
OMG I want to live in your brain.
Oh that was very fun. Each scenario different and nudged open a door to new adventures for those portrayed. Bravo!
Your twitter flash fiction is AWESOME!
Thanks for posting these here! I don’t do Twitter, but every single one of these was a hoot. I particularly like “Do these people think the empire runs itself?”
I am NOT asking for anything, believe me, but I’ve often wondered what you would make of somebody like me in one of your stories.
25 years in the poorer sections of Los Angeles left me with a disinclination for unnecessary risks – and a realization that a fair number of risks that people think can be avoided can’t be for one reason or another. And I recently realized that most of the eventful changes in my life came about because I ran across something that needed doing and “Somebody’s got to, dammit!”
Ha ha ha. ROFLOL. Thank you, Ilona Andrews for the imaginative replies. They were hilarious.
Thank you! These posts were really refreshing!
This was fantastic. You can even make me LOL with a tweet.
I sometimes dream of living in a KD world – where I would have awesome powers of course.
You are the best!
Oh my, I am so, so envious! I would have loved that! Should you ever consider giving out prizes again, this would be so excellent.
These are all awesome, but the last one with the child hanging from the ceiling is the absolute best. 🙂 Having 5 children in our extended household, that is so very much like the last couple of years.
“My velociraptors are hungry.”
LOLOLOL
These are fantastic. I want the rest of the story on, like, four of them.
Heheheh, these are fun.
In other news, I started reading Kinsmen yesterday after dinner, and it was suddenly 4 a.m. I would be concerned about the time loss except there were no hulking, smoking corpses on my lawn nor any wraithly curses hovering above my toothbrush this morning so whatever I did, I must have tidied up after myself. And I finished just in time for my poor little to pee her bed and need clean-up so it worked out great!
How wonderful that you took the time and effort to do these!! They are awesome!
I was one of the lucky ones who got to have a life written by you… and this was the best thing in a pretty grim year. Some dancing in the kitchen might have happened… and some happy tears ????
For this one hopeful witch, the snippet hit just the spot. Thank you!
That was so amazing!!! I am in awe.
Oh my god!!!! That was wonderful… my only regret is that I’m not on Twitter
+1
I kinda want to read the story about the empress and her list of suitors. 😉
+1
Oh lord, now I want to read the complete story of all these tiny anecdotes…
I’m so mad, I took a break from twitter and missed this. ????
You guys are just so awesome!
Amazing Drabbles!
I echo many of the others – they almost want to be linked by Dina looking out of a corner of the room going….”nope, won’t open that door again for a bit” (a bit like the Hall of Worlds in Midkemia!)
You’re absolutely amazing!
These are amazing.
You are the best!
I loved each of these stories – yes, these were short stories, each of them! I bet each of these ladies were absolutely thrilled to be inserted into an Ilona Andrews universe! Thank you for brightening my day.
Ilona, you’re the best! Love this!
I would read every one of those stories, lol.
Vote: who wants hell pigs in the next novel?
😉
(They got stuck in my head. I need more hell pigs! And recipes for hell bacon!)
You say hell pig bacon, I say habanero hot honey on bacon! What a delicious thought! And yes, I would read about IA hell pigs anytime. ????
We may not have hell pigs, but we did get Swine and Roses, which has been on my reread frequently list, as it always makes me laugh. Honey Haberno Hell Hog bacon would be amazing. Changed pig to hog for alliteration purposes.
Those are delightful, even in the face of character limits! Go you.
You are amazing!
The book I’m currently reading is by A F Kay, so I assume I’d be doing some gardening or something for Blappy, in between floor runs and step practice.
I loved these, especially the one with the kid on the ceiling lol.
Very Well Done!! And I’m so VERY jealous of those lucky ladies that got your personal touc..
Stifling? Limited?? These were awesome!! SO jealous of folks that got their own story!
This proves, once again, that you are Masters of your craft and all round great people. What an amazing job you have done!
???????????? These are fantastic! I would read each and every one of these stories. Thank you for the funnies!
Damn, wish I was on Twitter now! These are great. Thank you.
I would read every single one of those books….love it
I love all of these so much!
How awesomely wonderful! Thank you!
Just…
WOW!
I smiled a goofy happy smile the whole time reading this, and am now sitting back enjoying the residual warmth. Thanks for posting this here for those of us not on Twitter! It was just great.
Those were great!! I would have loved any of them, frankly. I especially liked the kid growling on the ceiling and hanging by his claws. Just a phase. rofl
awesome. so characteristic of writing style. now I want a Bjorn cave bear.
Woot! So much fun! Gotta love (and be inspired) by drabbles by Ilona Andrews. This is a game my children and I play sometimes. How much story can you imply in [one sentence]?
Awesome!
Hubby and I watched Carnage for our Thanksgiving movie. Then we re watched Mrs. Doubtfire, and Hubby told me I should write a short story about Mrs. Doubtfire dealing with Venom as a house guest. “Or better–Venom jumps into Mrs. Doubtfire during the kids show.”
I choked on my vino.
OMG!!! Sorry I missed this, but what great fun to read.
I was having a cranky afternoon and then found these. Delicious! Just what I needed. Ilona, you’re the best!
You are just awesome!!
I love these. Thank you for sharing hahaha
Oh my god, I love this. Or, how you put their one-sentence-information into each of their texts, and in quite a funny way as well.
Never heard of flash fiction but it was brilliant & entertaining. One of your sentences can launch the imagination for hours.
I would like to thank House Andrews and the BDH for the recommendation of the Murderbot series by Martha Wells. I just finished book 5 – Network Effect.
It was great! 5 *****
Had to read something else after reading Fated Blades twice.
Yes! HA and the BDH also steered me to the Murderbot books, and I love them! I’ve gone through the series three times now, can’t wait for the next book.
These are amazing ????
Incredible. What an amazing surprise for the woman who got their mini stories and for the rest of us who got to read them. Thank you so much!
So awesome that you were able to do that!!!
Wow. That really brightened my day. I am sitting here at the end of day two of our audit with a big smile on my face. My co-workers look worried 🙂
These were such a laugh! Lucky IA readers, to get personalized snippets for their lives. This is just one of the reasons why I love this blog.
Amazing! Love every single one!
Oh my days! You guys rock. This is genius. Sometimes I do imagine myself in your worlds when my life gets a little too much, this week I had to say goodbye to an old friend, we escorted her gently to the Rainbow Bridge, she gave us 15 years love and devotion, we gave her as gentle a sleep as we could and I like to think she has gone romping in one of your worlds to play with the characters there. ????
This was so amazing. I want to read each and every one of those novels. Especially the one with the snarling babies in the ceiling
Oh! these “flash fictions” are sooooo GOOD!
Each has your trademark style in a uber compact package and make you wanna know the whole story behind each of them.
So much fun to read! And a great idea!
This put a huge smile on my face and made my day as I am suffering from side effects from the Covid vaccine which aren’t very nice. I needed a boost and these tweets definitly did that!
Thank you soo much!
Love it! You are very generous with your time and imagination.
That was fun! Your Instagram fans that you wrote stories about must be beyond excited ????.
You guys rock. I have a big smile from both reading the stories and the reaction from the Horde. Happy that you kept the rest of us in the loop since so many of us seem to not be social media consumers. Appreciate you
Very cool that you played along! Your creativity is amazing.
Ten amazing short stories!! Thank you for the bounty!! Hope you and Gordon get more movies – I can heartily recommend “Encanto”! (Saw it on Thanksgiving, planning on going again!)
Thanks. These were so fun to read that I am only a tiny bit envious. It’s wonderful that you did this for the fans. You are so generous and entertaining.
Brilliant riffs. As with all such jewels each one left me salivating for more.
Looks like Ilona had some fun and made some of their fans day. Sure did make me smile. Thanks!
Looks like Kat and Arabella’s getting the “Buffet” treatment????
You are a delight! Thank you for sharing your great talent with us mere mortals.
THIS makes me wish I was on Twitter!!!
Reminds me the Jingle Factory scenario. Come up with a jingle for a commercial in like 30 mins.
I saw the tweets and thought. Work in Progress?!!
Playing is good for the soul, lol. They will treasure these tweets forever 😉
Hope you enjoyed Thanksgiving – I always enjoy the leftovers and all of the absolutely nothing I do afterwards a bit more, tbh.
This was beautiful and such a lovely gift for your fans <3
Child on ceiling for the win
OMG, I loved it! Thank You!
You are all that is awesome!
All hail House Andrews!!! These were amazing!!
This is amazing! I don’t tweet but now feel I should just for the off chance f wicked coolness such as this!
Perfect made my day ????. I don’t have tweeter and work night shift and mostly miss all of the shenanigans, but love to read about them afterwards. You guys are awesome!
That was fantastic!!! Thank you!!
These are so fun. Writing flash fiction on Twitter May be hard but I would never know that after reading those shorts.
Love your books <3
So awesome! makes me wish I twittered more on Twitter haha
These were awesome! Wish I had an imagination like that! Wonderful!
These are amazing, brought a big smile to my face. I am not on twitter so thanks so much for sharing with your insane BDH.
I am SO jealous of those readers!
Funny work, too.
Amazing job!
Lol these are amazing! Lucky tweeters!
Wonderful!
These were so much fun to read !!
I also just preordered Ruby Fever, woohoo!
Me too!!
This. Was. Absolutely. Glorious!
Thank you!
Loved this! Each one was unique to the person. Amazing, you made a short story from one line from Twitter. Now that is magic #madskills
That is awesome. Almost makes me want get a Twitter account…. Almost …
This is absolutely incredible! Love love love ????
Vicky’s reminded me of what would be possible with a Grace Draven x Ilona Andrews (x Jeaniene Frost) crossover or shared world. We have too many questions about metaverses but gosh, wouldn’t that be a fun story.
…DAAAYUMM…. All hail Flash-Fiction superpowered Queen Andrews
These are so much fun!
I love your replies. In fact, if you don’t have at least 100 hundreds more followers after that display I”ll lose faith in humanity… so come on, humanity! Step to the line❣️
*hundred, sorry for the typo (I can hope but not work miracles, I mean if your amazing talent hasn’t provided them already my snarck is not going to)
That. Was. Brilliant.
“Bjørn. Bring me my hammer.” Don’t we all want a Bjørn?
Don’t we all want a hammer, too?
So, problem (for me). I must now read all these glorious hypothetical books. You don’t plan on retiring ever, right?
Those snippets are so entertaining, tho. They had me going before I realized I hadn’t actually missed any of your books…!????????????
LOL these were great!!!!! I hope the people you did were happy. I bet the ones you didn’t get were WAY jealous though.
SO COOL!!!
Your characters have a way of always making me laugh and feel hope, because no matter how ‘bad’ they are, they _are_ intelligent.
My thanks to you never end. My hope is that you never get too worn down by all of this. Sometimes you make me want to be an invisible brownie, coming down to Texas to simply clean your house and make you chocolate chip cookies.
Makes you want to yell like a 2 year old….. Me too, me too, me too. LOL
That was a huge example of why yall are the Supreme author commanders. To write little tidbits that compleatly encapsulates a life and still leave me craving for so much more. Kinda wish I wasn’t one of those leave the poor authors alone people now 🙂 was carnage good?
These are all fantastic.
Amazing as always. ????
I’m sure the people who got their tweets are still walking on air!
I tried twitter a few years ago because of how another author was using the platform to have flame wars between two characters but I never really understood how it really works. I think it’s wonderful that you have put yourself out there and use social media so creatively. It’s highly entertaining for you devoted fans. Always keeps us coming back for more. (Well, that and your amazing world building and characters).
It’s truly safe to say that not matter what y’all chose to write, we would happily read it.
Your ability to come up w/ characters and worlds on the fly w/ hints of information about a person given strict medium limitations is inspiring. The writing world would be poorer without your gifts.
I loved Kat’s one and would love to see it fleshed out to an entire book! I see Kat like Caledonia (wow that is spelled wrong). Things to do, people to kill.
Hilarious!!! And lucky ladies. I’m 65, single, and the only time my life gets interesting is when bad stuff happens. I live in books. But, of Ilona’s worlds, I’d have to choose the Innkeepers’ worlds. Thank you both for bringing some laughter to the morning!
I read these on Twitter. Fabulous. You have a great gift for snippeting. I would happily send you money for a me-snippet.
Hope it was some fun for you! We all enjoyed it.
Yay snippets!
(My last read would have been an Ilona Andrews book a few days ago. Since then, however, I’ve been reading though the October Daye novels (Seanan McGuire). One does not necessarily want to be in Toby’s vicinity, since she tends to be a bit of a disaster magnet.)
That made my day! Returning to work with a HUUUUG(H?)E smile on my face
Your books help me understand my relationship with my husband. LOL
Sublime.
These are really sweet. As in a nice thing to do for someone. And also as in su-weet.
Even with the Twitter limit, you have managed to get me more engaged with characters than some authors manage in an entire novel. This is why I love your work!
And here is real magic of Ilona Andrews, just a tiny snippet opens door into a new realm.
I want to keep reading every one of those stories!
^_^ I loved it!!! I was totally laughing, my favorites were the first with the robots, the hell-pigs, the suitors list, and the last one because if there were magic in the world that would happen all the time and every mother has wished for telekinesis at some point so if possible it works be frequently cultivated! My children already literally climb the walls and they don’t even have claws! ????
I would 1 million percent read these books ????
Your flash fiction beats many of the books I have read. Feel free to flash us anytime!!
Absolutely amazing! It feels like each one was a mini story that just flashed my imagination. Love! Love! Love!
Your (super) short stories made my day.
Thank you for the break from reality 😉
This honestly may be the best thing I have seen in so long. I am just thinking about how happy these people today. Fills my heart.
I really like that you did that for them. You’re so kind to the hord ☺☺
Amazing as always. I’d read more of each of these “characters” stories.
Oh these are so good. I would love to read more about Khadija, Micah or Vicky.
This made my day! Thank you, thank you, thank you for always being such awesome people and authors!
How awesome is this!? I love every single one and would totally read any of the above. So amazing of you to do this. 🙂
You are amazing!
You are so A M A Z I N G !!!
Love it! How fun that each of them now have a special I.A. world of their own. Thanks for the laughs and mini-reads. They’ve made my day and left me smiling.
That was fun and nice, lucky girls.
Your imagination knows no bounds!
Ha!
“Withdraw or Die. Decide quickly. My velociraptors are hungry.”
love it! This is my favorite new t-shirt slogan!
Loved it! Made me laugh out loud a few times, and I’m not easy when it comes to laughing. Kudos!
These were so cute! Thanks for sharing!
Wow that was amusing. Some of them made me snort.
This is so awesome!!!!