I opened my Christmas present from Kelly early, because she was very sly and sent me my favorite tea. But please don’t send us things. We love you, but you go overboard. One year I said I liked certain socks and then there were 7 packages of socks in the PO Box. That’s why we don’t have a PO Box anymore.
The holidays are almost upon us. It is decided that this year will be the artificial tree year. You probably remember the gargantuan Christmas tree from last year.
Yes, that monster tree. So the tree died very shortly after we brought it in. We are experienced Christmas tree people, so I think the issues is that these trees are shipped from Oregon. Christmas trees like that don’t grown in Texas. The tree gave Gordon and Kid 1 anxiety, something I learned just now.
Kid 1: What if we had an artificial tree this year?
Me: But the smell…
Gordon: Last year I kept thinking it would catch on fire. I got up at night to check to see if the lights were off.
Kid: Yes, I’d time the lights and turn them off after half an hour.
Me: How did I not know about this?
Kid 1: And cats and dogs kept trying to drink the tree water.
Gordon: Yep, and it had stuff in it.
I don’t want anyone to be stressed out this Christmas so this year we are going artificial. From the environmental point of view, the artificial trees have slightly higher impact, so we are going to have to keep this one for a few years to offset that. Interestingly, the tree impact on environment – live or plastic – is basically minimal when compared to the impact of holiday travel. We are not going anywhere this year, hopefully.
Because we are going artificial, I have spent the entire decoration budget on the best plastic tree I could find. I am still going to get live wreaths and put them around the house for the smell.
Me, explaining it all to Jeaniene Frost.
Jeaniene: I want to see this expensive tree.
Me, embarrassed: No.
Jeaniene: I spent all of this money on Christmas decorations. I need to see someone being as foolish as I am.
Me: sigh. Here is a link.
Jeaneiene: …. Ahahahahahahaha!
At some point it occurred to me that we had an standing arrangement with a Christmas tree business and I needed to cancel a reservation for the tree. Unfortunately, all of my brain power is going into books at the moment, so my brain had very little fuel to work with.
Me: Do you have the number for Daddy Christmas?
Gordon turns and looks at me.
Me: We need to call Daddy Christmas. To cancel the tree.
Gordon: Do you mean Papa Noel?
Kid 1: Hahahahaha!
Gordon: What have you been reading?