“What’s the number again?”
“555-RUMORS”
“Who’s dialing, I can’t see?”
“It’s Steve. And you’re treading on my feet.”
“Sorry! Tell him to put it on speaker so we can hear in the back.”
Beep beep beep.
“Welcome to the Book Rumors hotline. If you’ve been waiting for a sequel longer than seven years, please press 1 for our WHEN?! team. If you’re calling on behalf of a horde, please press 2. If you or your beloved characters have been affected by a cliffhanger…”
“Press 2, Steve. Tell him to press 2!”
Beep.
“We’re sorry. All our piloted vampires are busy right now. Your call is important to us. Please remain fluffy and on the line.
You are listening to Chernobog FM. Where we play nothing but chants, chants, chants. Coming to you straight from Nav, this is not your old volhv patriarch’s station!“
“What’s going on?”
“OMG, we’re on hold. Will you stop stepping on my toes?”
Hugh: Hello, this is the Book Rumor Hotline. You’re through to Hugh d’Ambray, how can I help?
“Yes, hello. This is the Book Devouring Horde. Big fans of yours. We want to know, if your second book is already written, how come it’s being held back?”
Hugh: My second book is not already written. Sometimes, when a Horde and an author love each other very much, they will make a sequel. Mine is coming, next year they say. I’ve found that the best way is to be nonchalant.
“We cannot do nonchalant, we are very CHALANT! What if all the series are finishing?!”
Hugh: Deep breaths. All the series are not finishing. Mine will continue, so will the Innkeepers. The Kinsmen world hasn’t lost contact. There’s a newcomer called Maggie I can’t tell you anything about, but if you could see me right now, you could observe my patented Warlord Wink. My niece, Julie, will also eventually get that Metal Rose business of hers sorted out.
“Isn’t Julie more your cousin twice removed?”
Hugh: You know, speaking of rumors, I was never actually that good at the removal business. She’s family. There’s some Wilmington 3 basis that needs to be laid out, and then you’ll hear from her too.
Look, it’s not a big mystery. If you go to the Release Schedule, all the series that ended have a “Finished/ Finished for now” status. If it doesn’t say that, then that storyline will go on.
“So wait, no more Hidden Legacy? Can Arabella’s story not be written because the publishers own the world?”
Hugh: None of the worlds are owned by anyone else. The authors could write a book on Nevada and Rogan right now if they so wanted. They’re just happy with how that series ended. But they might return to it in the further future, look at Kate getting her Happy Ever After Adventures after, what was it, 5 years?
“Sorry, I think Steve short-circuited when you said “Nevada and Rogan book”. Go lie down, Steve. Someone get him some water. But we heard The Edge was sold and was going to be continued by someone else!”
Hugh: Pure fabrication. Probably put about by that pervert, Saiman. We, the characters, have an exclusivity contract with Ilona and Gordon. None of the series will be sold off to ghost writers or written by anyone else. Series just have to end sometimes, to make way for new ones. The Edge is one of them.
“‘We are crops. We must grow, thrive, flourish, and die, to make room for other living creatures. Such is life.’”
Hugh: Heh. That sounds like the pagan prince of darkness himself, if I’m any guess.
“Yes, Roman! He’s like a dreamy Disney princess….”
“He is *totally* hot dark Snow White.”
“I think more twisted Cinderella, he has all those helpful critters. They might make him a volhv robe for the Chernoball.”
“Either way, he looks SO good in a tiara!”
Hugh: Thank you so much for having this conversation in my hearing. I’m never going to let him live any of it down.
“What about the Mystery Project? When is that happening?”
Hugh: I have an update here somewhere… Ah, yes: ‘We invite the Horde to meditate on the meaning of the word ‘mystery’.’ Used to get this type of stuff from Roland all the time. There will be a wait.
“EXCUSE ME?!”
Hugh: I said I believe you will have to be patient.
“Well, I NEVER! Sorry, I’ve just…I’ve never been spoken to in that way before. I’m not accustomed to such extreme language. But you’re used to the battlefield, you probably can’t help it. It’s cool. Cool cool cool. Speaking of, has anyone been in touch with your audio narrator?”
#
Hehehe, at least that’s how I imagine it would go. Happy Thursday, Horde!
Ok, that got a snort or two out of me! Thanks, Mod R!
I really hope Hugh and Roman get time together properly in one of the books. If not them sniping at each other in these QA’s is still great.
Maggie!! Squee!!
The “Chalant” line reminded me of Jack Winter’s “How I Met My Wife.”
Didn’t see this until now at the ungodly hour of 4:20am but it has made having to get up this early marginally less bad 😉
This is my favorite bit:
“Hugh: Thank you so much for having this conversation in my hearing. I’m never going to let him live any of it down.”
I can, and will, wait for what comes. I do hope Ilona is recovering quickly, though.
As someone who works in a Customer Support call center, can I just say that the idea of someone wrangling Hugh d’Ambray into working phone lines at a call center is going to have me giggling for years.
Lol, Hugh does seem to like talking on the phone in his HEA (Happy Elara After) years. Maybe his magic doesn’t mess with the phone tech as much as Kate’s magic does? 🤔
XP
Love it!
That was so good!
I hope that Steve West will be available for the sequel *fingers crossed*
Crossing fingers with you re: Steve West.
Though I must say that the idea of a Graphic Audio adaptation is also intriguing.
Thank you, ModR. This made me feel so fluffy and gruntled.
As an afterthought, regarding “We cannot do nonchalant, we are very CHALANT!”
It turns out that we, the BDH, definitely are chalant — when etymology is considered. From the Online Etymology Dictionary:
nonchalant (adj.)
also non-chalant, “indifferent, unconcerned, careless, cool,” 1734, from French nonchalant “careless, indifferent,” present participle of nonchaloir “be indifferent to, have no concern for” (13c.), from non- “not” (see non-) + chaloir “have concern for,” ultimately from Latin calere “be hot” (from PIE root *kele- (1) “warm”). French chaland “customer, client” is of the same origin. Related: Nonchalantly.
That‘s my perfect t-shirt: I’m CHALANT 🤣
Thank you, loved it. It made me lough and cheer up after a week of severe health issues in my family. I love your and HA’s posts. They always give me that short reprieve from any issue going on. 😘
Hang in there!
Thank you. Our 87 year old came out of intensive care yesterday — now with 2 coronary stents after the heart attack he had in his hospital bed (and no one noticed at first) after the removal of the raptured stomach ulcer for which he went initially into hospital for… He was so lucky 🍀 I hope he keeps recovering with out much problems.
Now only my Mums really bad leg pain, which no one can find the reason for; and my nail bed inflammation that I have now for a over month and despite antibiotics and cutting it open seems to stay inflamed… less now than before but still slightly so… but that is so trivial compared to our senior’s issues…
That is a lot. Your issue is still stressful, and you already have enough stress to go on with. Best wishes to you and your family.
Yay!!!! Kate Daniels is not listed as finished or finished for now. More Kate and Curren please.
Yes we love and await more Hugh and Elara!
Yes we love and await more Julie, Derek and Ascanio !
But it’s Kate, Curren and Roland I need . Please
Maybe a few other Elder powers (tee-hee)❤️❤️
This made my morning.
+1 on the Merch
Hahahaha patience is a virtue…not in my universes^~^
I enjoyed this conversation so much! Having my coffee and this was just a lovely way to start a Friday.
This was so much fun to read, though I think I’m a bit dizzy now. lol Thanks, ModR
Hahaha. This is amazing. I look forward to mysteries revealed in their due time! And reading the blog and re-reading IA novels in the meantime. 😊
I was reading the blog while pouring tea and had to stop to sponge off my IPad because of a bout of giggles. Somebody get Steve a paper bag and an aspirin. 😂
Oooh. This bit made me sit up and take note:
“My niece, Julie, will also eventually get that Metal Rose business of hers sorted out.”
#TeamMetalRose all the way!
Also, I revisited the Kate and Curran texts (found via the Release Schedule) and had a good guffaw at this burn directed at Rogan:
“Curran: I served my people for seventeen years. You, with all your money, can’t even buy a shirt so you don’t run around naked on your covers. People are now pasting things to cover you up. You’re an embarrassment.”
That was hilarious and immensely entertaining! Thank you for having such continued creative minds. I marvel at how authors have these worlds they build and expand upon and continue to write so creatively about. It’s what makes it so much fun to escape into the world of books. The characters are real and we love them!!!!!!!!
But … I want more HIDDEN LEGACIES! I want Arabella’s story! I want more about the whole family including Granny in the tank! This world! This family! More!
Sorry to sound demanding. Will retreat quietly to corner now.
I gotta say Steve wasn’t the only one who short circuited when he heard the possibility of another Nevada & Rogan book 😉😁🤗
😀
Steve got himself a case of the vapors. I get you Steve.
I almost fell out of my chair laughing!
cool cool cool
You SO get us, thanks for the laughs. Great way to start my day. Sending loving healing thoughts to Ilona. Thanks again Mod R…you rock!
Mod-R, we love you even when you keep us waiting. 😁
I was cracking up as I read this! All I could think was did someone in the Horde ask to develop patience?
That’s never a good idea…
GREATNESS
HAHA. House Andrews and Mod R trying to heard a bunch of cats!!!!
Thank you! 😁
This was a lovely way to wake up. Laughing is always good.
I love you people!
Brilliant!
As your biggest fan of the Innkeeper Series, I will assure you that I am extremely Challant!!! Best use of that word, EVER!!
this was perfection. also very informative. thank you as always ❤️
I’m. DYING. LMAOOOOO!!!!!
Hilarious!😂 I needed that today!
Ha ha, I laughed out loud at this (but also took in ALL the information!). And I think that “chalant” may be my new favorite adjective.
Thanks for the funny!
Haha! Great post.
I’m a fairly new member of your horde, having read my first Ilona Andrews book last year. I’m trying to pace myself, so I still have the Edge Series, some Kinsmen, and a few Kate Daniels novellas and offshoot novels to read before feeling truly desperate.
They stand up exceedingly well to re-reading. You won’t feel desperate for years, believe me!
Thanks that was fun and funny!
This was HILARIOUS!! Thank you, you’ve really made my day!
🤣 Thank you so much for that!
Have a wonderful weekend!
“You are listening to Chernobog FM. Where we play nothing but chants, chants, chants.” I died
While I love all the books, I am rapidly becoming enamored of the book updates! Nonchalant/chalant…
Please keep them coming. They always make me chuckle.
Also, success of getting the teenage grandsons hooked on The innkeeper series. They are impatiently awaiting the next graphic novel. And yes, I pointed them towards my bookshelves.
Keep doing what you’re doing.
This. Is. Hysterical!
Mod R, thank you so much for holding the fort!
I&G, keep on healing.
(The BDH is chalant about all things HA, and we need to give y’all breathing room)
Thank you for all the sequels and offshoots and imaginary things!
I have one comment about Roman, if it goes to graphic audio I vote Ilona does the voice of Roman’s mom. Having had the honor of hearing her speak in person and when streaming, only she can do the mom justice, especially the “I was 18 hours in labor with you and you don’t call?” *lol*.
++100 OMG hilarious if ilona does the voice of Roman’s mom. Now I can’t get that out of my head😏. And Gordon can be Luther!!!😂
Omg! THANK YOU!!!! This has got to be one of your Top Ten Funniest Posts! Much appreciated today
+1
I was struggling not to laugh because at this time of year that leads to coughing and imminent suffocation. I managed to keep it to small giggles… barely.
Awesome sauce! thanks for this. I do get excited but never impatient. If I miss a character I restart from the beginning for reread 50th time. Long live house Andrews, You are well loved my multitudes!
Haaaaaaa! I needed this in the worst way. Wonderfully written. Thanks for the updates, references and patience with us. We’re a ravenous bunch.
.
Wishing you continued healing on all levels. Take your time. You body has been through a lot. Have a wonderful weekend’
I’m imagining a cartoon now of the Horde placing this call. A crowd with lots of word bubbles saying “Wait is a four-letter word,” “Put it on speaker,” “He looks SO good in a tiara,” and “You’re treading on my feet.”
If someone draws it, it could make it into the merch store? 😉
I demand to speak to the Manager! The words Next Year and Mystery aren’t acceptable!😂
Omg this was just delightful. 😂🥰
Even though I must wait for the next book, this is just one example of why your writing is worth the wait!
Not sure which would look better on t-shirt:
Fluffy chalant barsumials?
or
Chalant fluffy barsumials?
Fluffy+ Chalant= FLUFFANT!
Barsumial Fluffant sounds like something David Attenborough usually looks into 🤣
what a wonderful call in line!
🤣🤣🤣😜
I didn’t hear/read anything after “Kinsmen”. I have re-read the Kinsmen story so so many times! I had fully given up on any continuation, so this genuinely made my week👏
So exciting!
ROTFLMAO! Thank you, and take a bow. Well done!
One of the best. This was priceless and made me laugh.
Delightful! A little late to comment so I may not get an answer – I thought Maggie’s story WAS the mystery story. Is it not? As in there’s another mystery story?! Like Jessica Fletcher, I love a good mystery. 🙂
Of course. Of course it would be.
And yes, sometimes an urgent call goes straight to call-waiting Nav… but that’s the chants you have to take.
“All good things come to he who waits” or something like that… but no meditating, philosophying, etc… makes the waiting easier.
However throwing a tantrum (we’re very CHALANT !) doesn’t make the waiting shorter.
Speaking for myself, my real beef with waiting is that I’m sooooo happy to finally get my greedy hands and eyes on whatever book gets out that I read all night and am a wreck at work the next day. Whoever thought that tuesday was the best day for releasing a book has never waited for it.
I’m not much into merch but “I’m very CHALANT !” might make me rethink that stand
Best wishes to Ilona, gallbladder stones are definitely horrible
I second the “we’re very CHALANT” – BDH merch!!
As usual you toy with us as to the wonderfulness that is coming. Having read the Kate Daniels series very much from the beginning and of course Innkeeper as well I am well aware that being patient leads to amazing gifts and that poking and prodding authors can lead to ripper cushions. Thank you for all you have given us already. I look forward to the new ones as they arrive
That was delightful!! Thank you for the loud laughs!!
„Sometimes, when a Horde and an author love each other very much…“ 😂😂😂
‘Sometimes, when a Horde and an author love each other very much…’
come on! I was drinking tea when I read this! lolzzzzzz
But, but, but, but …
Cannot love this enough.
perooo peroooo la historia de la hermana menor de nevada!!! se queda con Michael obvio ella es puro color y el la ausencia pero aun así me gustaría leerlo…enemy to lovers me lo imagino
hahahaha ! thanks a lot ! it was a lot of fun !
I’m catching up on the blog and I just choked on my breakfast from laughing so hard!
Has Steve considered therapy?
🤣
Ooooh… Thank you! This is wonderful.
This is pure gold. I’m afraid it’s just made me more excited for more books!!!
Hi,i have a question ,i put that here because i don t know where else….in the lastof hidden legacy, when they went to the archive, they bargain and it is written”i withdraw my objection, i will not hinder…” what is it à out please?
Linus is not objecting to Record Keeper Michael pursuing Arabella 🙂
Here I am, being all cool and reserved going into the post…
More Kinsmen? Please!
I&M 2? Yes?
Metal Rose resolved? SQUEEEEE!!!!!!
Truthfully, I adore Arabella and I cannot deny curiosity over what brave soul would have the courage to fall in love with that adorable rage monster. Still…I’m more curious about Leon. What’s the age difference between him and Alessandro’s sisters again? Because a pairing between Leon and someone with magic like Alessandro could result in perfect murder babies.
She’d have to be a sci-fi nerd. Obviously.