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555- RUMORS

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“What’s the number again?”

“555-RUMORS”

“Who’s dialing, I can’t see?”

“It’s Steve. And you’re treading on my feet.”

“Sorry! Tell him to put it on speaker so we can hear in the back.”

Beep beep beep.

“Welcome to the Book Rumors hotline. If you’ve been waiting for a sequel longer than seven years, please press 1 for our WHEN?! team. If you’re calling on behalf of a horde, please press 2. If you or your beloved characters have been affected by a cliffhanger…”

“Press 2, Steve. Tell him to press 2!”

Beep.

“We’re sorry. All our piloted vampires are busy right now. Your call is important to us. Please remain fluffy and on the line.

You are listening to Chernobog FM. Where we play nothing but chants, chants, chants. Coming to you straight from Nav, this is not your old volhv patriarch’s station!“

“What’s going on?”

“OMG, we’re on hold. Will you stop stepping on my toes?”

Hugh: Hello, this is the Book Rumor Hotline. You’re through to Hugh d’Ambray, how can I help?

“Yes, hello. This is the Book Devouring Horde. Big fans of yours. We want to know, if your second book is already written, how come it’s being held back?”

Hugh: My second book is not already written. Sometimes, when a Horde and an author love each other very much, they will make a sequel. Mine is coming, next year they say. I’ve found that the best way is to be nonchalant.

“We cannot do nonchalant, we are very CHALANT! What if all the series are finishing?!”

Hugh: Deep breaths. All the series are not finishing. Mine will continue, so will the Innkeepers. The Kinsmen world hasn’t lost contact. There’s a newcomer called Maggie I can’t tell you anything about, but if you could see me right now, you could observe my patented Warlord Wink. My niece, Julie, will also eventually get that Metal Rose business of hers sorted out.

“Isn’t Julie more your cousin twice removed?”

Hugh: You know, speaking of rumors, I was never actually that good at the removal business. She’s family. There’s some Wilmington 3 basis that needs to be laid out, and then you’ll hear from her too.

Look, it’s not a big mystery. If you go to the Release Schedule, all the series that ended have a “Finished/ Finished for now” status. If it doesn’t say that, then that storyline will go on.

“So wait, no more Hidden Legacy? Can Arabella’s story not be written because the publishers own the world?”

Hugh: None of the worlds are owned by anyone else. The authors could write a book on Nevada and Rogan right now if they so wanted. They’re just happy with how that series ended. But they might return to it in the further future, look at Kate getting her Happy Ever After Adventures after, what was it, 5 years?

“Sorry, I think Steve short-circuited when you said “Nevada and Rogan book”. Go lie down, Steve. Someone get him some water. But we heard The Edge was sold and was going to be continued by someone else!”

Hugh: Pure fabrication. Probably put about by that pervert, Saiman. We, the characters, have an exclusivity contract with Ilona and Gordon. None of the series will be sold off to ghost writers or written by anyone else. Series just have to end sometimes, to make way for new ones. The Edge is one of them.

“‘We are crops. We must grow, thrive, flourish, and die, to make room for other living creatures. Such is life.’”

Hugh: Heh. That sounds like the pagan prince of darkness himself, if I’m any guess.

“Yes, Roman! He’s like a dreamy Disney princess….”

“He is *totally* hot dark Snow White.”

“I think more twisted Cinderella, he has all those helpful critters. They might make him a volhv robe for the Chernoball.”

“Either way, he looks SO good in a tiara!”

Hugh: Thank you so much for having this conversation in my hearing. I’m never going to let him live any of it down.

“What about the Mystery Project? When is that happening?”

Hugh: I have an update here somewhere… Ah, yes: ‘We invite the Horde to meditate on the meaning of the word ‘mystery’.’ Used to get this type of stuff from Roland all the time. There will be a wait.

“EXCUSE ME?!”

Hugh: I said I believe you will have to be patient.

“Well, I NEVER! Sorry, I’ve just…I’ve never been spoken to in that way before. I’m not accustomed to such extreme language. But you’re used to the battlefield, you probably can’t help it. It’s cool. Cool cool cool. Speaking of, has anyone been in touch with your audio narrator?”

#

Hehehe, at least that’s how I imagine it would go. Happy Thursday, Horde!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ha, ha, ha, snort!

    Yes, Mod R, this seems about right.

    I emailed an author once, many years ago. I can only imagine that interaction multiplied by the horde. And now we have text messaging and apps and even more ways to demand our answers! 😝

    Thank you Mod R and thank you HA for your patience with, and for, us.

    We are ever so grateful. Really.

  2. Loved it! Mod R you always put a smile on my face even when you tell us to wait! As you know, it’s just so hard to wait when you love something so much!

  7. “We invite the Horde to meditate on the meaning of the word ‘mystery’.”

    Never! 🤣🤣🤣 seriously tho Mod R, we are trying to be as patient as possible but it’s just so hard!! I always want more Ilona Andrews and rereading all their books for a 4th time (or 6th time) just isn’t enough!

  8. “Sometimes, when a Horde and author love each other very much, they will make a sequel.”

    Wahahahahahahaha you made my day ModR! ❤️

  9. This is absolutely amazing and I want more Chernobog FM, my friends already accuse me of mot singing but just chanting

  11. This was such an entertaining update! I hope that means Ilona is feeling better. At the risk of opening myself to threats of violence, I’m prepared to wait. However long. Thank you House Andrews, so very much!

  12. Loved it, thank you!

    And you awoke one of my favourite language questions – why don’t we use certain words… chalant… ert… (Wouldn’t ert a fly doesn’t count!)… it’s so annoying from a logical point of view!

    • Ha! Patien e is a virtue but the BDH has more of a mob mentality with the concept of waiting 😉
      Thank you Mod R – that was a fun scolding! And I love your new image- but are your critters evil enough?
      Continue with good healing vibes to HA.

      • Oh no, 0 scold intended! Scold contient non-existent.
        Just wanted to make some clarification/announcements fun ☺️

    • i recently found out gruntled is a word too! the opposite of disgruntled, to be gruntled is to be in a good happy mood, to be content.

  14. Omg this is delightful! Thank you for sharing. Loved every second of the read. Hilarious!

  15. Now this post deserves some merch… I think I need a tote with the helpline and options on it. I made my last tote into a yarn project bag so I appreciate zippers!! I also plan on buying 3 new bags so will happily take some Roman or #teamunderlog merch totes!! Thanks for laugh this morning!!

  18. This made my day! Thank you SO much! I smiled, I snorted! My heart has been lifted and lightened!!!

  19. “Hugh: Wait, I have an update here somewhere. Ah, yes: ‘We invite the Horde to meditate on the meaning of the word ‘mystery’.’ Used to get this type of stuff from Roland all the time. There will be a wait.” – 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀

  20. Haha, You even make ‘Telling us to be patient’ funny🤣

    Thanks for the laugh and I’ll remain sitting with the pre-order button at hand 😄

  21. That was amazing Mod R! I was cracking up through it all – thanks for starting my day with a grin! 🥰

    You are a wonderful writer and I love your sense of humor! You should, if not already, write a book of your own.

  24. Bwa-ha-ha! I also am Chalant, but I will leave all timelines to HA. Thanks, Mod R! This was perfect!

  25. Mod R, this is brilliant! And how Chernobog is invoked when you write 😉

    It’s a ChernoBlog now!

    • Bwahahaha, ChernoBlog!

      Cher-no-bog, he’s our man!
      If he can’t smite them, no one can!
      GO CHERNY! GO CHERNY! GO CHERNY!

      • 👏👏👏👏

        For whatever reason. this kept going through my head:

        There once was a god named Cherny
        Who had a priest who was learning
        There was a mix up with the sons when the father had fun
        And one of the sons left on a gurney.

        😁

        • This is most excellent.For form’s sake, the third line should be split after “sons” to make it a standard limerick.

    • agree with the 555-rumors merch maybe with a #mystery #BDH and the Horde logo in between?

  28. You know us so well hehehe…. dark Disney Princess (insert Hugh’s evil smirk and patented Warlord Wink)

  31. Marriage (and kids?) have obviously mellowed Hugh. No impatience. No snide remarks. No threatening.

  32. 😂😂😂 What an awesome presentation!
    It must be such Fun inside your Mind!
    Thanks for sharing that.💫

  33. Any my candidate for a mug in the next store release:

    “BDH: We cannot do nonchalant, we are very CHALANT!”

    I’m trying to think of a way to make “PATIENCE is two 4-letter words work” somehow.

  36. Not me currently sitting in my place of business laughing like a loon at how freaking hilarious this is… 🤣 😂

  40. “Sometimes, when a Horde and an author love each other very much, they will make a sequel.” You can and should put this on a t-shirt. Also now I have this picture of cinderoman getting a make-over with his critters stuck in my head.

  41. Honestly. Thank you so much. I’m laughing out loud on the train from London to Cambridge. I feel thoroughly ashamed of myself and am suitably chastened. Patience is a virtue. 🤪🤦‍♀️

  43. So cool to have picked Hugh as the voice for this type of Hotline. I can totally picture him as running this type of gig at their castle, walking between the ranks, taking on calls at random to be the model of good leadership. And really, poor Steve, that is too much news to handle. Mod R, we love you you are just the bestest at getting to the heart of us. Thank you for a full week of posts, it must be a lot of work but it is much appreciated. This is a fun space to be.

  44. Snort. Laugh. Snortlaugh. Mod R you provided such phenomenal entertainment! Seriously! You should be a writer! Either amazing stories OR stand up comedy! Also, I foresee this “hotline” being a hot commodity in the BDH canon. Hope the lady of House Andrews continues to heal.

  46. I need to re read Julie and Hugh’s solos. for some reason I 💭 Julie 2 and Hugh 2 would be a shared book.

    thus how rumours begin.

  50. I am very Chalant. All the days.
    I am going to steal that. 🙂
    Thanks, Mod R – a cackled through this.
    Healing vibes to Ilona.

    p.s. I liked Luther before… now with Graphic Audio, I am 1000% in love with him. You guys can have your dark sexy Roman… give me sass and sarcasm every day.

  51. Barring interactions with Steve, I will just not so patiently live my life until the next release.

    This is one method to keep prayers for your good health going strong. I pity those who have let their writing go stale.

  52. So for like 5 years we changed “New KD book confirmed!!!” to troll everyone and mostly ourselves. And then we were right.

    NEW Arabella Book CONFIRMED!!!!

  54. I love this, and love how you and the author lords keep your sense of humour in the face of our needs. Thank you!

  55. I know there was something I really wanted to ask about the mystery book… wait Mod-R, what are you doing with that strange flashlight???

    Bzzzz

    Where am I? Who are you people?

  56. Sigh. It’s all your fault, you know. If you didn’t write such wonderful, memorable characters that feel like family, we wouldn’t whine, whimper, rage, and howl about getting the next one. Here’s how I think it goes: Julie, if you can’t write to your mother, would you please let your grandfather or your aunt know how you are doing? Have you and that wolf sorted out your differences yet? Dina, please send your parents’ picture to all related universes, and a few more besides. We know they have to be out there somewhere. Arabella, we can all hope for guest appearances. You never know…You could hitch a ride with Jack, now that his brother is a staid married man. Or there might be a new world…or six, or seven…Whatever you write, I promise to buy it and read it. Meanwhile, wishing you good health, happiness, and all other wonderful things.

  58. I am lost in giggle land right now. First with work, and now reading this post. My stomach hurts with all this laughing.

    I lost it when I read “EXCUSE ME?!” and the rant after that. That sounds like the Horde.

    Thanks Mod R for keeping me in giggle land. 🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  59. ModR, you spoil us. And how well you know the fluffy, chalant Horde. I imagine someone shrieking in the background, “ASK TO TALK TO HIS SUPERVISOR!” But yeah, that’s totally us crowding around the phone for answers. We’ll probably meditate like sugar-high toddlers. I was still for 10 seconds straight!

  60. o.o

    “The Kinsmen world hasn’t lost contact.”

    o.O Say WHAT now?! O.O

    *vibrates in place with excitement*

  61. I just finished re-listening to Blood Heir. And today, I looked at the release schedule and found Sandra. How did I miss this? Kate is the best mom, ever. Thank you so much for the little tidbits. Love Roman and his tree. Thank you, thank you for fascinating worlds that provide doors into other dimensions.

  62. This is my very favorite author page! Even updates telling us to be patient are fun. Sitting at my desk laughing out loud. Good thing I’m working from home today 😀

  63. Well now I need “Sometimes, when a Horde and an author love each other very much, they will make a sequel” on a some merch like a tote and a tshirt 😊

  65. That was an absolute delight! Thank you for that fun! Patience is a virtue … I think it’s the last one I have a shot at. Smiles!

  66. Thanks for the update, Mod R. You have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things HA, you keep us entertained and informed, and keep us corralled for HA. I feel that we’re lucky to have you as the moderator for the blog!

  67. Please consider something relating to “hot dark Snow White” and “more like twisted Cinderella, he has all those critters” for the merch updates. I nearly plotzed. 🤣🤣🤣

  69. How many emails do you get per day with this stuff? I need some perspective. I feel like I’m a proud member of the BDH, but I’ve never reached out with a question about what or when or who. I think I’m just of the Rothfuss generation where we’re grateful for any book crumbs. HA are actually very generous with releases and info. As a toddler growing up in Kentucky, I frequently heard the saying: “you git what you git and you don’t throw a fit.” Maybe you should just make that your email auto reply??

    • Every email means someone loves the same books I do and want to know about my faves! I’m more than happy to answer 😀 I just want to make it fun sometimes and the Horde indulges me 😀

  70. I have been waiting since 1997 for “The Captal’s Tower” and “A Song of Ice and Fire” was suppose to be a trilogy. There are a couple of other authors who I am sure will never finish their series. Some because of age and some for other reasons.
    The Horde does not realize how good they have it.
    We not only get completed series but get nice little desert stories as well. Not to mention the occasional cream tea. Mmmmmm Wilmington… So tasty… Yes, I do believe I can find room for another.

    • I am still waiting for the last book in LJ Smith’s Nightworld series. she disappeared for a while and there were no internet updates at the time. She resurfaced for a little bit when “Vampire Diaries” became a popular TV show but she seems to be gone again.

      I’m glad we get all the updates that we do from both HA and Mod R.

  71. Snort!

    Thanks for turning our obsessiveness into on the nose humor!

    You all should be given knighthood, or sainted, or . . . something!

    Thank you for your creativity and great patience.

  72. Oh this was very funny. 😂 Hugh must be enjoying a lot of free time if he’s answering the hotline!

    I have a question for the Hotline: who and how can I contact Graphic Audio to demand that they also buy the rights to adapt all the side character stories?!
    Because I need the Andrea book to be adapted and later I will need the Hugh books to be adapted. I feel they are essential to my well being ! My completionist attitude is already despairing that we didn’t get the first Andrea short story. I’m close to tears about it so please hotline helpers and specially the lovely wonderful hardworking Mod R, how can I help make it happen?🥺

  74. Oooh my belly!! 😂😂😂
    Thank you for being amazing even with a “not-used-to-be-patiɜnt” horde! 🤭

  75. BWAHAHA, the bit about Roman as a Disney princess literally made laugh out loud! I also very much appreciate the updates and reassurances included in the post 🙂

  76. lol I needed that giggle. Also, we are greedy little book gobblins but we also love the author lords and want them to be healthy and happy (happy, healthy authors write more yummy books lol)

  77. Nobody asked Hugh about Bucky!?!!?

    And if he’s Cuddles’ mother’s Sire? (because, as we all know, Mules have horse mothers and donkey fathers)

    Finally, is he Julie’s horse’s Sire?

    (I like horsies. Can you tell?)

    • I thought she was a mammoth jenny? I know there are jenny mules but was thinking she was a mammoth donkey.

  79. Hugh: “My niece, Julie, will also eventually get that Metal Rose business of hers sorted out….”

    Me: Breathe, Breathe ::starts hyperventilating:: don’t do it. Don’t. Don’t you do it!

    My brain chanting: Metal Rose, Metal Rose, Derek?! Julie?! Wilmington 3?!

    Me: “Cannot…nonchalant” ::Faints::

  80. Love it. And the start, 555-RUMORS reminded me of how I used to suggest seeking legal advise at 666-SHYSTER.

    • He was nonchalantin’ 😉, as the gentleman of leisure that he is.

      It takes HA to write him properly, that’s why!

  90. Just to be clear, that was Hugh speaking…?!?

    Who murdered Auntie B most cruelly?
    Who tried to kill Kate?

    Redeemed my ass. He’s HIDING SECRETS!

    Kate may treat him as a brother. But I miss Auntie B!

    Secrets I tell you.
    Fake News, all of it.
    Grrrr.
    *mutters quietly*

    *returns to waiting… mostly patiently*

  92. My goodness the rumor about The Edge! That was shocking! I thought would they ever sell the fruits of their hard work? I can’t imagine it. Your babies… Where was I when these rumors were going? I am behind on things if that’s the case. Ok I await your superlative skills in writing and I will scour the Audible and Amazon for my other fave authors’ work. Take care you guys. Thx for the tea. Lol.

  94. Reading..
    (Laughing)
    More reading
    (Hugh – laughing, laughing)
    And more reading…
    LAUGHING, LAUGHING READING LAUGHING…

    (Thankyouverymuch)

  97. Did I read that there ‘s gonna be a Chernoball?! Holy darkness! Modr you made my day. I wonder 💭 if Clan Nimble will be available to design a gown for me? Where can I sign on; the Chernolog? What’s that you say?, a third Wilmington! Yes!

    It may be all speculation for the time being but my money’s on HA.

    I will end with this, Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!

  99. 😂 after years of waiting for it, I finally purchased my own, engraved metal rose from Etsy, with, you better believe it: a “Team Metal Rose” inscription 😆

  100. Ohhhh my. It would make my entire decade if we got another full length Nevada & Rogan book! I recently re-read the whole series and it was AMAZING. 👏