As you all know, Ilona and Gordon are currently deep in the writing cave finishing Maggie 2. The cave door is closed. ASMR keyboard clatter can be heard faintly in the distance.
If you look at the homepage, you’ll see a new countdown clock to the release of This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me. Nineteen days and counting.
With Maggie arriving so soon, there will be an influx of fans to our ranks. New blood and ideas, fresh, innocent Horde recruits for us to corrupt into our Dushegub ways. Obviously, we cannot simply throw them into the middle of things without preparation. That would be irresponsible.
These are some of the field notes I’ve gathered after years of careful study. The list is not complete, and I will require your assistance to improve it.
- Devouring: goes without saying. The book is finished ideally within hours of release. Extra points if you manage to ask about the sequel on the same day.
- Character Adoption Program: main sponsored charity of the BDH. A character appears on page for maybe a handful of paragraphs – they can be instantly adopted by the Horde, who will demand to know their entire life story, “Is there a scene about how …” emotional journey, and future romantic prospects. Never Forget! (Puffles4Ever. Klaus Klaus Klaus, barsa barsa barsa)
- Petition habits: already hinted at above, the BDH mobilization on request-protocol is famous fandoms over. Teasing us with characters? Jokes about books that don’t exist? We make them happen. Been there, done that, have the ebook, paperback and audio to prove it. Who’s laughing now?
- Rereading conspiracies: The first read is for enjoyment. The 24 subsequent rereads are for enjoyment and investigation. Why did Linus sneeze right there? Could it mean that he’s actually Augustine in disguise and what does Sergeant Teddy have to say about this? There’s no such thing as “small detail from Chapter 3” and we all know it.
- Announcement Analysis: A small piece of news appears. A cover reveal. A single unassuming sentence in a blog post such as “we are working on something”. The Horde studies this information carefully. Very carefully. Rest assured, we’ll get to the bottom of what it *really* means. The rumour mill always grinds.
Please add your observations in the comments so we can continue expanding the newcomer guide.
For those wishing to determine their precise Horde alignment, the classification quiz is available below.
facts be named is me!!!
Facts do be named sometimes tho 😀
First certified!
1st? really? squeee!!!
and auto correct bites…damned!!!
I love these!
Dushegub for the win!
I am chalant! I don’t feel chalant, but won’t argue with it. I’m w*iting for Maggie. Chalantly.
I am with you….
+10000
Team Facts are King! We would like to devour but we also acknowledge the work put into each serial, snippet, short, and novel. Just sending out love to the BDH and standing on the sidelines reading the theories while eating warm chocolate chip cookies.
I thought I was Team Facts be King! Turns out I’m Dushegub… who knew 🤣!
Me too!!
Good answer. Yeah, Team facts are king, but I also get great amusement from Team Facts be Damned. And of course you gotta follow Steve’s adventures (but never follow Steve … at least not without stealth and a safe distance😜).
Dushegub, what a surprise >.>
m2, I’m rather devouring so that seems to be a Dushegub treat.. Not a bad one!
Team Chalant!
Do get a cookie??? Or an extra snippet? Ok. Fine. I will be very chalant.
Is there a way to read about the other teams without faking the quiz?? 🙂
Shipping Devotion! – We will ship first character we read with first eligible character we read, fervently, even if they live in two entirely different planes of existence (emotionally, character developmentally, physically per story even) – #TeamMetalRose
Yes! The Horde launches all ships.
The Grand Armada of Questionable Ships!
Do you wish to discuss?
Team Dushegub. I don’t comment when a new book comes out, I devour! Sleep? I can sleep after I have devoured.
“Minor plot holes” are not holes, they are deliberately placed to make room for future expansion, possible spinoffs, and alternate realities.
+1
Also mis-facting. If we can have mis-speaking, why can’t we have mis-facting, eh?
Nice, and so on target.
Facts are king ! Devouring is good ! Long live the BDH !
Team Dushegub.
Jack spinoff. DO YOU WISH TO DISCUSS?!?
Team Dushegub for the win. Do you want to discuss? And when is Maggie sequel coming out? All joking aside we are so beloved.
Team Dushegub. I also need that tote NOW!
Team Dushegub (maniacal laugh)
Team Facts FTW!
Ahaha! BDH is all of the these things! wa*ting is so difficult
Team Deshegub for the win!
Still team facts – just trying to hold it down amidst the chaos.
Same here. Glad to know I haven’t changed *that* much.
Edited — I’m Team Facts Are King. Just to clarify.
I tested positive for Team Facts are King, too, but then someone suggested Klaus might be a dragon. That was an option?!
This was such fun!
Team Chalant. I definitely need emotional support fries
Team Facts are King – tracks. I am a scientist in my life outside the Horde 🙂
Team Facts and Facts be damned is real and you must choose a side. Just don’t ask Steve to help you!
To ship or not to ship! Our favorite way to divide into factions. Team metal rose 🌹 I’m looking at you!
lol also I’m team gushebub after the quiz…
Chalantness is overated. Go Dushegubs :):)
Thanks for the fun Mod R
Yea! I’m so very CHALANT 🤪
I’m waiting, patiently I might add, for the Book and then the Book Release Party!
I’m so patiently waiting….
I seem to have switched factions from last time and am now a Dushegub – must be because Mercury moved to a new bookca- house or something 😉
Love the idea of new fans joining the Horde. We should probably tell them about special words like ripper cushions, and being chalant, and Steve? So they can laugh (and w*it) with us and not feel excluded but very welcome and live vicariously through Steve’s adventures in Nav?
Also I feel we really need an updated Fan Tea Party once Maggie has landed. Hmmm. I think I can see the Dushegubness now 😂😂
Definitely define “chalant”! When that person comes along and says don’t you mean nonchalant??
Chalant can mean different things to the factions of the Horde. For me, it can mean being fluffy, and yes, using the words patient, wait, hold out, and whatever else we need to do so Ilona and Gordon don’t throw stuff at us because we want everything now.
It’s also a play on non-chalant since we can’t be patient all the time.
Yes a BDH (first definition!) glossary is a good idea.
I don’t understand how i can be Team Chalant 🤨🤨🤨… my refresh rate is probably 50… I claim to w*it p*tiently but that is a fake front…
Team Chalant it is… Going back to fakely w*it p*tiently for 19 days to pass while h*ping for a Special Edition Announcement.
Do not forget, gobbling the book in hours. Lounging in my comfy chair wishing for an excellent chef with attitude named Orro, to bring me my breakfast and if the book is long enough, lunch. Then moving on to the audio book to catch the stuff missed while gobbling. All the while wondering if we really have to wait the proverbial publishing year to get the next one.
Team Dushegub ftw.
Newcomer guide (well done Mod R!) should maybe explain Steve (not that anyone can really explain Steve 😂) but he does pop up often enough to warrant a reference.
I’m not new here, but would still like an explanation of Steve.
I’m laughing so hard my eyes watered up to the point I had problems reading the quiz. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Team Chalant for the win (FIW)! We may be fluffy, but underneath all that lies a darker side of “we want the precious now!” 😉😁😂
Also, the April Fool’s joke question was hilarious. I kept thinking about Hugh.
Thanks Mod R for the laughs. May we get new members to bend to our ways.
Actually, it should have been FTW instead of what I wrote above. Sheesh, too much laughing, and not enough thinking. 🤦♀️
I am so glad you clarified. I stared at FIW way too long trying to puzzle out what it meant. Did I miss a secret acronym that is specific to the BDH? How could that be? What is this?? For Information Wait? Fast Ilona Win? Fasten Icons Where?
So I’m on team Truth Be Damned. I like it. What were the other teams? And how is Hugh2 coming along???
I think they are the usual suspects of Team Facts are King, Team Facts Be Damned, Team Chalant, and Team Dushegub.
Mod R, did I get all of them, or am I missing a team?
Team Chalant. A very true representation of my feelings.
Also, Team Metal Rose, Team Wilmington Pack, Team Arabella and Michael (?), Team Inkeeper Weddings (yes, must be plural!), etc.
Team Chalant? Well perhaps age does bring a little mellowing.
Seconding idea for a bit of glossary somewhere easy to find.
Thank you Mod R for brightening the w*it!
Dushegub.
Maud and Arlan wedding soon or the whole world burns. Discuss?
ArlanD
Kill small typing keyboards or the world burns. Discuss?
(Really … who doesn’t agree with the Dushegubs on this one?!)
Team Chalant…. Hmm… sure… sounds legit
My non-work tabs have the following: Goodreads, Ilona Andrews blog, T.A. White blog (because she has decided to also drop posts in a serial), and The Reactor chapters of Maggie… Totally Chalant. I only update the blogs 50 times a day.
Team Facts are King! Yes!
I am team facts are king. 🙂
Team Chalant! But we all know my inner child is a Dushegub 😉
Huh. I’m evidently Team Chalant. It’s official.
And honestly, the description does fit. ModR is scary sometimes with these.
You are happy to go with the flow, but you would like to know what time the flow starts and how many pairs of socks you need to pack for it.
Yes, actually, I would like to know what time the flow starts. My socks are ready. 🙂
I’m putting this out there…no one come for me!!
I think the BDH is on the same level as the Swifties…and that’s a compliment.
I love coming to the comments to find out what I missed (that was right in front of my face) or the newest conspiracy!
Team Dushegub, but also a little Team Facts Be King!
Team Chalant!
I would add the following terms and explanations for newcomers:
Chalant:
Ferret Heisting: (although this embedded term could be an aspect of “rereading conspiracy” or “announcement analysis.” This refers to how we constantly are looking for the ways our brilliant authors take us on these wildly inconceivable adventures, which we totally buy into, didn’t see coming, and then realize they did again.)
Team affiliations: (much more complicated than Twilight’s)
Apparently I am Team Dushegub. I really thought I was was exhibited temperance with my answers too. I guess I am very Chalant! lol
Also, Kudos to ModR for placating the ravenous Horde lololol
Best (non snippet) blog post ever. Who knew I was a Dushgub?
Team Chalant!
Quiz results are accurate. Team Facts Forever! It comes with being a scientist.
this is brilliant – thank you
from Team Facts Be Damned
also agree put a note about Steve in the Newbie BDH “welcome to the neighbourhood guide”
That was fun! I laughed a lot. Thanks, Mod R! Team Facts are King is awesome!
I’m team facts but what if Klaus actually was a dragon? Crazier things have happened and I’ll admit that once Inheritance came out I’m a full believer in all the books are connected theory. It’s been dangled fruit in the vine and there are no take backs.
I’m so excited for more people to join the BDH it’s been a very special part of my week to check the blog and I’m so excited for more people to join. I know we joke about having to wait but we’re beloved and I’m so excited for all the extras that are going to come along with this new book.
Will there be a zoom Ilona and Gordan book chat for Maggie’s release?
Team Chalant! I can’t wait until the month of March is over, some stuff will hopefully be finalized, and even better I get to reward myself with Maggie. So excited!!
Loved it. ♥️ Thank you!
Oh Mod R, you’ve done it again!! I’m picking myself up off the office floor. Again. 🙂
One other thing to add to your list…don’t know what to call it. But it’s the “this is only going to be a novella” or “it really won’t sell ’cause it’s too dark” or “it just can’t be the next big thing” (all my paraphrasing). And then it turns into Maggie. But we ALWAYS knew Maggie was a thing. A big thing.
Grocery lists and text exchanges are things. 🙂
All the love to House Andrews. I hope that in the midst of crazy writing and publication promotion, they are having quiet ASMR moments about the amazing things they create.
Team Chalant all the way!!!!
PS – spell check keeps trying to tell me I’ve misspelled Chalant – bite me spell check, go find your own Zen!
LOL
Quite a few of us do remember that Iron and Magic was SUPPOSED to be an April Fool’s joke. How well did that work?
Something about “Team Facts Be Damned” into some of the above might be pertinent, but, as always, dear Mod R, you are a delight.
The Horde also hoards. We end up owning multiple copies of every book — ebooks, audiobooks, GraphicAudio versions of the audiobooks. physical books, special editions, etc.
– Lurking on blog and fighting for first, especially whenever a serial is being released
– Relentless requesting of merch
– Petitioning specific voice actors
– Identifying the spoilerier of the pair and direct questions with hope to inspire into unplanned reveals in webinars
Team Chalant through and through!
My inclination to amusement value landed me in Team Dushegub.
Team Facts Are King!
Mod R, you are an absolute gem! I love everything about this post.
Did the test and came out as Team Chalant. Is it bad?
I was on Team Facts are King last time, but now I’ve landed on Team Chalant. Looks like I am losing my Jedi detachment and headed straight for the Dark Side. Next time, Team Sith (oops, I mean Dushegub) for sure.
In your terms, you forgot Horde Mobilization. This is when someone tries to cheat our authors or steal their work, or the flipside, need encouragement to produce the work in other formats, and upon discovery the Horde descends enmasse to make them regret their actions (former) or make them realize how bad it would be to stand in our way (latter).
You are a member of Team Facts are King. This makes total sense for me. Of course I am. LOL, I loved this quiz. I’ve already been passing around the Maggie snippet to all my friends and am ready to welcome all the Maggie fans to our beloved BDH
The history of Steve would be a good thing for all new initiates of the BDH.
Team Chalant!
Yes to support fries and how many pairs of socks!
Thanks ModR!
Wheeeeee! Unhinged potential AND fluffiness! Sounds about right since I regularly vacillate between giddily devouring a new book and pretending patience for the next. PS, I’m a terrible actor 🤣
As a proud member of Team Dushegub I kindly ask that you stop speaking about a Maggie Sequel – that one is a given and should be available soon. I was under the impression that Maggie is at least a trilogy and therefore you should give some hints about the third book now. Do you wish to discuss?
Mod R, your awesome list now makes me feel at least like a journeyman BDH member – I am willing to ask for the sequel to the sequel even before the book is published.
Team facts? That can’t be because obviously, we now need to know how Klaus became a dragon!!!!
no comment. 🤣 To true
Team Chalant 😉
I was going to make a deadline counter on my phone, but then yesterday I noticed the counter here. Thank you for adding it! Now I can visit the blog every day, and check how many days are left until the 31st, maybe that will make the w*ait pass faster… 😆
I sure wouldn’t have placed myself in Team Dushegub. But, the description is pretty apt. I love your books and am absolutely thrilled by any and all of your writings. I reread them over and over too. I have all of your snippets and blog emails saved as well from waaaaayyyy back. Before 2008 at least. Love your writing
Sorry, 2016
LOL. Yeah, pretty much. crreeeekkkk hiss hisssss…
You belong to Team Dushegub.
The Dushegub Division DEVOURS the books, tearing through stories like hungry, page-shredding beasts. You do not fear spoilers, for they only make you stronger! Your natural habitat: The comments section, armed with Proposal #37: New Spin-offs and Why They Are Necessary.
Without the insatiable hunger of Team Dushegub—creeeek, hisssss, hissssss, knock—we’d probably accept things far too easily and discuss a lot less. Which would be a tragedy.
team chalant.
nailed it.
what other teams are there, really?
Team Chalant on the first pass. Heheheh this was fun, thanks, ModR! Will have to try a few other renditions and see what I get. Love the field notes, too. And no, I’ve not forgotten about Puffles! Keeping hope alive here.