Bookish AITAs

I really do my best to, as the French say, m’occuper de mes oignons. Every week is a good week to stay hydrated and mind my own business.

But then the algorithms shove these AITA posts with clickbaity titles at me and I can’t help checking them out.

AITA stands for Am I the Asshole? On social media, people ask AITA when sharing personal disputes in which they are unsure whether they’ve acted they like an asshole—that is, been mean, selfish, or wrong in some way. Other people then offer their opinion on that person’s behavior. AITA was popularized by and is widely used in reference to r/AmITheAsshole, a Reddit forum dedicated to this activity.

If only they were book-themed AITAs… (All events depicted aren’t canon, just funsies! Horde funsies! It’s not canon until it’s in a book or House Andrews say so.)

AITA for letting my boss lose sleep and money over me?

My boss (Male/ Kinsman/ 35ish/ Bionet Fire Beast) doesn’t know I (Female/ Psycher/ 30/ Bionet Silver Shark) was the one he met during an attack on the Security Forces Database.

I had to hack it to pay back a life debt I owed someone, but I want to make it clear I at no point posed a threat to any of the governmental, financial or any other type of valuable data. I was just getting a child out of deportation/possible fatal danger over an insignificant school incident.

AITA for letting my boss spend a sleepless week and a fortune on reinforcing spiral cell protections instead of revealing the Grade A battle-trained psycher he’s looking for is right outside his office? I’m afraid he’ll find out it’s me and then kill me. Or want to marry me. Did I mention he’s super-hot and I’m totally emotionally compromised around him?

AITA for wanting to abandon my girlfriend in the forest?

I (Male/ Otrokar / 27/ Gutripper/ Blood Drencher/ Bone Crusher) have bought my girlfriend’s (Female/Human genetics of some sort?/Unknown age) freedom from a bunch of homicidal trees.

We were both competitors in this Intergalactic Spouse competition, long story (good story). I got swept up by excitement and did this heroic gesture to save her from her delegation just as they were about to “consume her to recoup resources” because she stopped being useful to them.

I brought her home to Harra and things were great for a while, because I am a mighty hero and totally rescued her. But now she’s taken control of the Tribe of the Gar behind my (admittedly physically impressive muscular) back.

AITA if I try to return her to the trees on the sly? I tried to check with them and all they said was “KNOCK HISS HISS creeeeeak hisss hisss creeeeak Unessa knock”. I mean, that sounds harmless, right?

Right?

AITA for letting a pretty lady reach the wrong conclusion and not bothering to correct her?

I (Male/29/ Weird noble) am on a secret mission in this lawless place called the Edge to get a world-destroying device back from my evil uncle.

I’m camped on this gorgeous woman’s (Female/ 22/ Edger) lawn and she somehow got the impression I’m here to propose marriage. Your guess is as good as mine. She’s has these 2 adorable young brothers and I don’t want her to worry about me or the danger they’re all in, because she seems seriously overwhelmed. I will protect everyone anyway, that’s why I’m here.

I sort of played into her assumptions though, and now I’ve made an oath to fulfill 3 tasks and get her hand in marriage. AITA for not telling her why I’m really here?

Edit: It’s not a “lie”, no matter what you want to call it in the comments. Thanks everyone, I’m *actually* courting her now and taking everyone home to the Weird with me. Still haven’t technically told her everything yet, like the fact that the Duke and Duchess of the Southern Provinces are my parents. What’s life without surprises? My mom’s going to love her!