If you happened to walk by our office last Thursday, you might have thought that we had gone insane. Here we are, sitting in front of the computer cackling, cursing, and then cackling some more. In this scene one of the most composed characters in Hidden Legacy loses it. The scene called for a torrent of obscenities, which we delivered. It’s a spectacular meltdown and it was hilarious to write.
This will forever be a favorite moment for the two of us, so I thought I’d share some of the other favorites with you. These are the ones we remember. There are others, but I’ll limit it to three or we will be here all day.
The Necromancer Caravaggio
“My night is brighter,” my father said.
Rowena froze, completely still like a statue. Julie pulled a piece of chalk out of her pocket, drew a protective circle on the floor, and sat in it. At the other end of the room, Ghastek clenched his teeth, probably trying to mitigate the effect of Roland’s voice. Yeah, good luck with that.
“How have you been?” my father asked.
Say something diplomatic . . . something . . . “If you build a tower in Lawrenceville, I will smash it, set it on fire, and salt the ground it stood on.”
Ghastek put his hands over his eyes and pressed them into his face. I couldn’t tell if it was from frustration or terror.
“We should have this conversation in person. I know, why don’t we go out to dinner?”
What? “No.”
“When I first awakened, a few years before the Shift, I used to frequent this low-key chain of restaurants, with a wide variety on the menu. I can’t quite recall the name but it had a fruit and an insect.”
Ghastek mouthed something at me. I shook my head. I was distracted enough already trying to keep my magic shields up. Talking to him during tech was a lot easier.
“I consider the tower to be a declaration of war. You are preventing me from expanding my domain. That specifically violates our agreement.”
Ghastek grabbed a piece of paper off his desk and drew furiously.
“I would love to see you.”
Ghastek held up his drawing. It was a butt with a bee flying over it. What?
“I haven’t spoken to you in over one hundred days.”
“That’s wasn’t an oversight on my part.”
I must’ve made a face, because Ghastek scribbled on the paper and held it up. He had drawn a leaf on the butt. Well, yes, that explains everything. Thank you, Mr. Helpful. I waved him off.
Rowena got up, tiptoed over to Ghastek, and took the paper away from him.
“I’m free tomorrow at five,” he said. “Bring the family.”
Rowena held up the paper. On it in large letters was written APPLEBEE’S. Oh.
“I’m not having dinner with you at Applebee’s.”
“Tomorrow at five. Thank you for inviting me into your domain. I am so glad we could do this. It will give me a chance to stop by our local office as well. I look forward to catching up.”
Andrews, Ilona. Magic Shifts (Kate Daniels Book 8) (pp. 237-238). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
The Tactician
We took our seats at the table. Orro had gone the traditional American Breakfast route: stacks of light as a feather pancakes with butter melting at the top; paper-thin crepes filled with strawberries; tiny, muffin-sized apple pies with delicate dough lattices on top; hash browns; heaps of bacon and sausage; and three types of eggs, over easy, sunny side up, and scrambled. He swept by giving me the Look of Death, and retreated into the kitchen. Later I would get a lecture about not letting him know in advance that extra guests would be arriving.
“Her Grace, Caldenia ka ret Magren,” I said. “My sister Maud and her daughter Helen.”
“Letere Olivione.” My sister inclined her head. “We’re honored by your presence.”
“Honored is such a serious word, my dear.” Caldenia flashed her sharp teeth. “I’m but a quiet, country recluse now, no one important.”
Maud put eggs, a crepe, a sausage link, and a piece of bacon on Helen’s plate.
“Your regal presence elevates all surroundings with its magnificence,” Arland said. “A diamond in the rough shines ever brighter.”
“My dear boy, I did miss you.” Caldenia sipped her tea.
Helen bit a piece of bacon. Her eyes got big again and she scarfed it down and reached for the platter. Arland had reached for the bacon at the same time. They stared at each other across the table. A vampire standoff.
Helen wrinkled her face, showing him her tiny fangs.
Arland bared his scary fangs, his eyes laughing.
A low, tiny sound came from my niece. “Awrawrrawrawr.”
“Helen!” Maud turned to her. “Don’t growl at the table.”
Arland leaned back, pretending to be scared. “So fierce.”
Helen laughed, her giggles bubbling up. “Awrawrawr.”
Arland shuddered.
Helen giggled again, grabbed her mug, and hurled it at the wall. The mug shattered. I looked back. Helen’s seat was empty. The platter of bacon had vanished.
Sean lost it and laughed.
“What a delightful little girl,” Caldenia said, her eyes sparkling.
Maud looked lost. “I… She never…”
“The child has an inborn grasp of tactics.” Arland grinned.
Andrews, Ilona. One Fell Sweep (Innkeeper Chronicles Book 3) (pp. 60-61). NYLA. Kindle Edition.
Hold My Beer
I turned around. He stood by the door, wrapped in a plain brown cloak that reminded me of a monk’s habit. The hood was drawn over his head. He held a walking stick in his hand.
“You look like a traveling wizard from some old book,” I told him.
“Do I?”
“Mm-hm. Or an incognito god.”
“Odin the Wanderer,” he said. “But I’d need a wide-brimmed hat and a raven.”
“And only one eye.”
“I’ve tried that look before,” he said. “It isn’t flattering.”
We’d been talking for a whole minute and he wasn’t screaming at me about resurrecting his sister. Maybe he really couldn’t feel Erra.
“Why are you here, Father?”
“I thought we’d talk.”
I sighed, went to the back, and got two bottles of beer from the fridge. He followed me to where a rope hung from the ceiling, attached to the attic’s pull-down ladder. I handed him the beer.
“Here, hold my beer.”
“Famous last words,” he said.
I pulled the rope. The attic ladder dropped down. I took one of the beers from him and climbed up the steps. He followed me.
We crossed the finished attic, where we kept our supplies, to a heavy steel door. I unlocked the two bars securing it and stepped out onto the side balcony. It was only three feet wide and five feet long, big enough to comfortably put two chairs. From this point we could see the city, the hustle and bustle of the street below, the traffic on Ponce de Leon, and beyond it, the burned-out husks of skyscrapers, falling apart a little more with each magic wave. I took one chair; he took the other.
“Nice,” he said, and drank the beer.
“I like it. I like to watch the city.”
I’d had the balcony and the attic ladder installed two months ago. When Jim found out, he had called me. He worried it was a security risk. Jim wouldn’t worry about anything related to me anymore. When a ten-year-old friendship shattered, the edges cut you.
My father drank his beer.
“What was Shinar like?”
He put his beer on the wooden railing and held out his hand. I touched it. A golden light rolled over the city below. I had expected crude, simple buildings the color of sand and clay. Instead beautiful white towers rose before me, drenched in greenery. Textured walkways led up terraces supporting a riot of flowers and trees. Sparkling ponds and creeks interrupted open spaces. In the distance a massive building, a pyramid or temple, rose, the first tier white, the second blue, the third green, topped with a shining gold sun symbol. People of every color and age strode through the streets. Women in colorful flowing dresses, in plain tunics, in military garb, carrying weapons and leading children by the hand. Older kids running, waving canvas bags at each other. Men in leather and metal armor, in robes like the one my father wore, in finery and a couple nude in bright swirls of red and blue body paint, some clean-shaven, some with a few days of scruff.
“No beards?” I said.
Sumerian civilization was the oldest on record, and men on the few artifacts that survived always had full, curly beards.
“It came into fashion much later,” he said.
“It’s not what I expected.”
“It was called the jewel of Eden for a reason. I remember the night it fell. That tower with the red roof was the first. I ran out in the street and tried to hold it up and couldn’t. The magic simply wasn’t there. One by one, the buildings collapsed in front of me. Thousands died.”
…
“Father, what you are doing is wrong. What you have done for these past years, what you will do after you have restored Shinar, is wrong. You bring pain and suffering. You want to resurrect the old kingdom, but the world has moved on. Shinar doesn’t belong here. It is lost. It will never be again. And if you somehow forced this world to obey your will, it would fall the way the old world of magic fell. Stay in the city, Father. Live a normal life for a little while. Come to my wedding, figure out what it is to be a grandfather. Enjoy the small things in life. Live, Father. Live for a little while without ruling anyone.”
“You would forgive me all my past transgressions if I stayed?” he asked.
“Yes. You are my father.”
If it meant that the city would survive, I would. I would take the look on Andrea’s face as she held Baby B, Julie’s tears, Jim’s flat stare, the knife in Dali’s chest, and everything I went through, and I would put it away so they could all go on living.
He patted my hand gently. “I cannot. It is against my nature. Decades ago when I had awoken, maybe. But now it’s too late. I am walking this path.”
“I’m right. Deep down inside, you know I’m right. This is a onetime offer. I won’t let you murder the man I love. I sure as hell won’t let you murder my son. You have no idea to what depths I’ll go to stop you. I won’t let you impose your will on those people you see on the street.”
“People must be led.”
“People must be free.”
He shook his head and sighed. “What am I going to do with you, Blossom?”
“Think about it, Father.”
“We are going to war, my daughter. I love you very much, my Blossom.”
“I love you too, Father.”
We sat together and looked at the city until finally he rose, drew his cloak over his head, and left, melting into the traffic.
Erra appeared next to me, her form so thin it was a mere shadow. “Good-bye, brother,” she whispered.
Andrews, Ilona. Magic Binds (Kate Daniels) (pp. 259-266). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
A scene where the two of you arecackling while writing it. Can’t wait to read it! ????
+1
+1
Does the swearing leave Bug bowing in awe? ????
+1!
That would be quite a feat!
Love love love Bug’s swearing…
+1 ????
I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story again!
+1 I’m trying to guess who it might be…maybe cornelius… looking forward to reading the book and finding out
Oooh…who can it be? Cornelius is pretty composed…
+1. That’s who I thought about too!
Cornelius losing it would be epic because you figure all his animals would start going crazy too!
The most composed character – Linus Duncan? Don’t answer that, I rather guess.
There a few possibilities but for some reason my mind keep going with grandma Victoria. That would be epic.
Augustine Montgomery is pretty composed.
+1 on Montgomery
Augustine was also my first thought.
My first thought as well.
+1
Dibs on it being Bern.
I would love for it to be Bern.
+1. Totally Bern. I can’t wait! I’m glad you’re having fun again with the book. =)
Love this
Bern is a great possibility. It seems to me that there’s something in one of Catalina’s books about Bern having cursed only six times since he moved in with the Baylors. Seeing him pitch a hissy fit would be hilarious!
+1, especially for stream of language.
I hope it’s Bern!
It’s from Emerald Blaze, chapter 5 (I had to look it up because I couldn’t quite remember the context and knew it would bug me). Catalina tells her family Alessandro is her backup (and oh by the way he’s also back in town). Their reaction:
“Once I mentioned Alessandro, the family had ganged up on me. Arabella screamed like a pterodactyl and demanded to know where Alessandro was staying, while punching her palm with her fist. Bern swore, which had happened exactly six times since he came to live with us. Grandma Frida promised to hit Alessandro with a wrench when he came over. Leon produced a gun, and then Mom asked him what the rule was about guns at the dinner table, and then he said that this was a special case and he had a bullet with Alessandro’s name on it. Then she told him that writing names on bullets was no way to go through life.”
“…writing names on bullets was no way to go through life.” – words to live by
That’s one of my favorite scenes, too!
I agree, Bern is the most composed.
Linus was my thought too! ???? ????
Hands-down, funniest thing you’ve ever written: Arabella’s “math exam.”
…though these are pretty good too! 🙂
+1 or +100
I often reread just that scene when I need a pick-me-up.
+1 = “Common core…” 😉
Yep, and running out of space on the blackboard and starting on the floor…
+1
+1
Loved the math exam!!! Cracked me up.
Thank you for the reminders of those scenes. I remember when I first read them and the laughter afterwards. Looking forward to new memories.
It makes me very happy to know you can still crack up over scenes you’ve written. That fond memories exist from older books. **smiling**
That last scene makes me wipe a tear or 2… I love all the ones you guys shared here. Thank you!
Agreed — One of the most powerful scenes in a great book (time to reread KD…)
Helen’s tactical scene has been one of my favorite!
+1 It doesn’t get better than that.
It’s nice to see These favorites! The one that comes to mind for me is Orro’s description of A Christmas Story. That is one of my absolute favorites.
Yes! I really enjoyed scenes with his discovery of Earth and look forward to it continuing. HINT HINT
Ooh,where was his description of A Christmas story? He is one of my favs in the IA galaxy.
The scene with Orro and his interpretation of A Christmas Story is in One Fell Sweep 🙂 .
““The young men go out in small packs,” Orro continued. “They brave the cold and come into conflict with other packs and they have to prove their dominance through physical combat. Their fathers teach them lessons in the proper use of swear words, and the young men have to undergo tests of endurance, like holding soap in their mouths and licking cold metal objects.”
Sean made a strangled noise.
“At the end of their trials, they go to see a wise elder in a red suit to prove their worth. If they are judged worthy, the family erects a ceremonial tree and presents them with gifts of weapons.””
Andrews, Ilona. One Fell Sweep, Innkeeper Chronicles 3. NYLA Publishing, 2016. Kindle edition, Chapter 11, 75% progress
Yes – yes!!!! Laugh till I cry, every time!
Oh, yes!
Oh my gosh yes! Loved the Christmas story thing.
The Applebees scene is one of my favorites as well. Ghastek clear forgot how to use letters to form words ????????.
But I will say everyone thinks its funny when us composed and sometimes introverted people lose our cool.
In my teenage year my brothers friend (8 to 10 years older) told me he thought someone spiked his beer when I lost it in the city on afternoon. He had known me all my life and never heard me use a bad word or raise my voice.
I was 14 tired of girl drama and I got into my first fight.
He did eventually take stock of the situation, bodily picked me up off the other girl and put us in a taxi to go home.
He came back later the night to find out if I had been drinking or taking drugs. Nope I was just mad and had 3 years of pent up frustration that blew that day.
Its still a story they all tell when we see each, and they told my kids too. With a warning dont push your mother, she will snap, she will go crazy, it wont end well for anyone ???? ????
I think its Bern BTW
Huh. That would also be fun to watch, and for *him* to lose it, shit would have to be apocalyptic indeed.
So much fun! Looking forward to Ruby Fever.
I’ll bet the ferret heist is one of those insane writing moments!
The ferret heist has got to be hands down my favourite scene of all time. I think the best bit is Rogan’s phone call to his security people. ‘yes, I said the dryer vents’ ????????????
+1
I love that scene! Just reread it yesterday and still cracks me up.
Epic! My favorite!
How both Connor and Augustine reacted was epic. One of my favorite moments in the series.
You DO realize that food and drink are involved in the best moments in life? Not that I have to point this out to you, it just made me realize it’s just another reason I love rereading your books. ::sips more tea and reaches for a biscuit:: Maybe one of these days I’ll try to recreate a recipe book of all the foods mentioned or possible equivalents?
In regards to Helen in Clean Sweep – don’t we all feel that way with bacon?
Oops – wrong book. One Fell Sweep. Have Clean Sweep on the brain, just re read it.
I really like the scene when Landon asks Kate if she still has Voron’s sword and she says no, but thats okay because grandma gave her a new one, and then he freaks out and gets out of the jeep, and then:
Landon paced back and forth, his eyes a little wild.
“Well, he took it worse than I did,” Curran said.
“I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“It’s a sword made out of your grandmothers bones, Kate.”
I shrugged
Landon stared at me through the windshield, turned around, paced back and forth, and stared at me again.
“Do you know what most people have from their grandmother? A tea set. Or a quilt.” Curran smiled. “If your family had a quilt, it would be made out of chimera skin and stuffed with feathers from dead angels.”
+1
I also liked it when Kate made Landon say please while driving and getting his wits back. ????
omg, I had forgotten the dead angel feathers! That made me cackle
Love this scene as well!
❤️ these scenes!!! Can’t wait for RF!!!
The second one – so much joy! So characteristic of Innkeeper.
I love all of these, but that last one…I still remember the first time I read it. It’s such a powerful emotional moment, the two of them having one last quiet interaction as father and daughter, and you can see through the course of their conversation the path things could have gone, and the admission of what is really happening: that they are going to war, even though they on some level love each other. Gave me chills, and still one of my all-time favorite scenes ever.
+1
It’s like a visit with a dear friend and you talked about treasured times you spent together.
Thank you!
That particular scene from Magic Binds is one of my favorites too. It was brilliant. Powerful. Perfect. It stayed on my mind for days, and continues to come to mind to this day. Every time I re-read it, I feel awed.
Oh, this was lovely.
Makes me want to reread.
My favourite part will forever be Jim losing it in KD#3 when Kate and Curran dominated the opposition and he specifically told them to downplay their abilities. Werebison, headbutt, the sass!
Lol yes +1
Loved that one so much!!!
I love Helen and the bacon! The others are fantastic, but the bacon story is the best. Thank goodness you wrote that.
Favorite parts. I had overlooked the last segment and am glad you reminded us. Lovely writing.
That made me smile, but now I’m going to have to re read the two series and my reading list is getting backed up.
Such great memories of reading these books and some of my favorites. The scene with Helen was particularly hilarious on the audio version.
I’m very much looking forward to reading all of your new work as I continue to relisten to all of the previous worlds.
I can’t wait to read the first scene that’s in progress. And I would so love to reread all of Your books again but they are in a container on a ship. I can expect them at our new home in Germany maybe by December (household goods shipped in July) And I will reread them then!
Ooohhhhh that bacon picture is just cruel.
Hahah love it. As soon as I read Julie with the circle I thought of peachbutt! The mind just remembers so fast!
And adorable Helen! Never forget the rippercushions! 🙂
I’m hoping the character that loses it is Augustus, but it’s probably Catalina.
Augustine* damn autocorrect lol
What was wrong with spell check? Underline the questionable word, should it be changed? If so, here it is. Why is it, you couldn’t POSSIBLY mean THAT! Here, let me fix it for you. I HATE autocorrect.
Thank you.
I had forgotten how much I liked those scenes – well, not “Helen meets bacon”, but the other two. They are really evocative. There are other vignettes one could mention, but that might take all day.
Sigh. You two do it so well.
Thank you again.
Now I want to go back and read all three series over again! Thanks for the wonderful memories
I just read the Applebees’ scene. I laugh every single time I read it. It reminds me of what my mom use to tell me and my brother, “I have parental deafness and selected hearing.”
Helen with the bacon…we see a similar tactic when she walked up to the guard to tell him that her mom was the Maven, and that she was expecting Helen.
The scene with Kate and Roland sitting on the balcony was emotional. When Erra said “goodbye brother”, it gave me goosebumps.
It will be interesting to find out who loses their cool in Ruby Fever. You have to watch out for the quiet ones. It takes a while to boil over, but when they do, look for a nuclear bomb shelter or some kind of underground shelter. ????
Another scene I liked, that I just read in Magic Rises, is when Kate was listening to Atsany’s story with Astamur when Curran finds her in warrior form. Curran loses it big time. When he breaks the rocks, everyone is looking at him like Curran’s crazy. On top of all that Kate tells Curran they are about to have s’mores and he wasn’t invited. I laughed so hard I had to stop reading. This whole scene is on pp. 258 – 262 (Nook e-reader page numbers).
I love this scene also! Especially when Kate smacks Curran’s nose and later tells him to not stare at Atsany because he might hurt his feelings.
That’s the exact scene I was thinking of. Love it!!
Oh yeah and then Curran says something along the lines of “What about tomorrow? Brunch with a unicorn?” I always laugh at that exchange.
Kate and Rolands dad and daughter moments were always some of my favorites and still make me laugh. Loved when she broke her grandma out of Mishmar and flew away leaving him with his hands full hehe good times (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و
Three of my favorite scenes. Thanks for the morning smile. I’m looking forward to the scene you were writing. Now, to go reread the Kate books I have waiting in the “cloud”.
I am telling you guys, you could make money live streaming from your writing office, the BDH would prob give you a lot of views and even support it on Patreon:)
Loved the snippets, those are scenes I had forgotten but are why re reading your books is always a big measure ( one of the few benefits of aging, books you read appear new once again:)
Never…….Perish that thought about live streaming!
However, I hope the online book birthday chat with the authors continues. I have never been able to make it out to the in-person meet-and-greets but have thoroughly enjoyed the online meet-and-greets. Those are awesome.
So true, I love rereading favorites!
I’d bet Montgomery and I’d love to read that. Mind you, whoever it is, I’ll love it.
Is it Michael?
Ooooo! Michael… what a good guess!
Last year the Washington Post wrote about people “comfort reading”, rereading favorite books, because of the pandemic.
One person couldn’t focus her mind on a whole book, so she reread favorite scenes: including the ferret heist!
Can’t wait to read it! Love these other scenes. Another favorite is Maud meeting Orro.
It’s interesting to see the range of your favourite moments from poignant to amusing. I think it shows the pleasure you have in your work which translates to us readers and makes for better books. May you always enjoy your work for both yours and our sakes ????
I loved these scenes too – thank you for sharing. Can’t wait to read what has you cackling!
I fondly remember them all.
Orro’s histrionics just leave me in tears I’m laughing so hard. He’s one of my favorite characters.
Can’t wait to read and enjoy Ruby Fever!
yep, those are some good ones! I loved the Helen/bacon scene. Kate and her dad just made me feel sorta sorry for them both. He’s so wrong headed it just hurts. And she wants so much to love him, but can’t trust him worth a damn.
All favorite moments of mine too, wonderfully written!
There are so many great moments like the three you shared – I was cracking up reading them again! These are many of the reasons we love your books so much!
And it’s really fun to read the BDH speculations on who is going to lose it in RF. ????
I’m glad some of the most memorable parts of your series are moments that you both really enjoyed writing! I absolutely love them!
The bacon scene with Helen is one of my all time favorites. I hope we get to see more of her in the future (perhaps her beating the sh.., uh, cr.., uh … “poop” out of some member of her father’s house.
I’m guessing Bern, Cornelius, or Augustine
I love pretty much all Helen scenes. Sweep of the Blade is one of my fave House Andrews books ever.
Other fave scenes:
•Orro’s version of A Christmas Story
•Alessandro and the habanero peppers
•Rogan finding out that Arabella is the Beast of Cologne “Use your words”
•Charlotte dressing down Jason in Steel’s Edge “You’re handsome, but you’re too inexperienced and too arrogant to be good in bed. Having ridden many horses doesn’t make you a good rider; it just proves that you can’t recognize a good one or don’t know how to keep her. You’re too young for me, and in ten years, when you improve, I will be too old for you. So let’s not speak of this again.”
Awesome scene! “So let’s not speak of this again.” Need to remember that for when I am stumped for something to say!
Women are not horses. Whoever told you that is not your friend.
+1 for best dressing down ever!