Me, pleasant chit chat about a vacation and move to Florida.
Some peeps: Let me ruin Florida for you. Did you know it has allergies, flood zones, and crime statistics? We know you have never seen crime statistics before. Let me explain them to you.
First, thank you for all of your awesome suggestions and taking the time to let me know about all the cool places. We really appreciate it. We will now have to check out Virginia, because we’ve never been.
Second, having read several comments that have assumed that I was 14 and outright berated me for my lack of wisdom, I feel compelled to clear some things up.
I have moved 12 times since I was 16 years old. Seven of those while Gordon was in the military. Because I have moved so often, I have a decent workable knowledge of real estate and relocation in general.
Purchasing real estate requires specific knowledge. For example, if I am buying a property in Texas and it has its own well, my first question is going to be dug, bored, or drilled? Because if it’s anything but drilled, I am walking away. There are other relevant questions. How old is the well? Am I going to have to drill a new well in 10 years? When was the well water tested last? Is there a company that maintains the well? What’s the water quality and flow rate? If there is a well, there is a septic tank. Where is the septic tank? How far is the well from the house and the septic drain field? Is there a company that maintains the septic? For how many occupants has the septic been rated? What sort of septic is it? Will I have to replace the drain field and if so, is it going to contaminate my well water? I have never had a house with a well. I know all this, because I am a professional writer who is good at research and careful with her money. I worked very hard for it.
Gordon was born and grew up in Florida. When he arrives to Florida, within a week he can breathe clearly and stops itching. When we return to Texas, he has to take a Zyrtec every day or his skin feels like it’s on fire. š
We are familiar with Cocoa Beach, Jacksonville, St. Augustine, Orlando, Tampa, Clearwater, St. Petersburg, Seaside, and the Keys. And by familiar I mean visited during different times of year and have remained for a considerable amount of time, not just sat in a hotel. When I say I hate Orlando, it’s because we lived there for several weeks.
We know about hurricane shutters, impact proof windows, deed restrictions, flood insurance, and sink holes. Having moved 12 times, we know to check crime statistics, taxes, elevation, and proximity to nearest grocery store, gym, and hospital. We know about the Scientologists in Clearwater, carnival folks who once wintered in Gibsonton, and junkies at Cocoa beach. We know about Palmetto bugs. We lived in Savannah, GA for several years, where they thought they were our house pets.
We have seen a gator up close. We have seen it climb a chain link fence.
We have been to Texas coast. We know what it looks like. We smelled it. We saw Rockport before the hurricane and after. Our neighbor’s condo still hasn’t been repaired because the insurance companies are dragging their feet.
We have been to California. During his time in the Navy, Gordon was stationed in San Diego for 4 years.
We’ve lived in Portland, Oregon. We’ve seen the coast. We’ve driven to Astoria.
The reason why I hate gated communities is because before making it as a writer, I was a legal secretary who worked for an Atlanta law firm that dealt specifically in HOA disputes. I have seen an HOA level a $25 per day fine because there was a crack across one of the driveways leading to the house and the homeowner failed to repair it within their time period. You have no idea to what depths a retired lawyer with nothing to do will go when he thinks his neighbor’s Pomeranian is barking too much for the 15 minutes the poor dog is permitted outside.
I have to date bought and sold several properties, never at a loss, so when you are writing a comment, please address me as another able-minded adult. š Nobody likes being talked down to, and normally I have a longer fuse, but I am still pretty tired.
Here is a cute kitten for you.
Do not be mean to this kitten. I am warning you. š There are limits.
Wow, tell us how you really feel. I have never read or participated in a blog. Started reading this one because I love your books. I thought it was neat to experience a little of the ābehind the scenesā of one of my favorite authors. Read it for a year, looked at the comments, thought some were fun, some silly, some useless, all well intentioned. Saw where youāve asked for input and everyone joyfully joins in. Iāve even commented occasionally ….just because. I think Iāll go back to just reading your terrific stories. I wish you the best of luck wherever you end up.
I think that had we known before that Gordon had grown up in Florida and that you had been to several places here without the allergy problem, it would have saved us all a lot of time trying to be helpful. And you might have wanted to preface your “looking to move “chat with , Please don’t make any suggestions.
However, where ever you decide to move, I hope it will be a much easier segue than the last time, and whomever buys your present house will be getting a lovely, turn-key
property. Best wishes.
Well said. Your word smith talent shining through. You were also much nicer than I would have been. Enjoy wherever you land, and if you donāt , you can move again. We moved 3 years ago into our not-forever home. Itās almost time to move again, just across town this time instead of across country.
Yes! Yes! Come to Virginia! We never give advice! We just read your books!
Love the kitten. Its gorgeous!
Moved 16 times by the time I was in high school. If you haven’t tried Maine, it beautiful country. So is Colorado. Have my sympathy on the allergies. Live in Texas and Zyrtec is my lifesaver!
All I got to say is – YOU GO GIRL! Love your writing. Find you witty, funny, and you write damn good books! Take it from someone who’s been reading for over 65 years, even a sarcastic comment is well written!
I live in Colorado, and I would go back to the keys in a heartbeat. My favorite key is summerland key. I love to sail my hobie island adventure, ride my cat trike, fish , snorkel , swim, garden, bottle hunt, and explore the jungle of s florida. If you are anywhere near Big Pine Key there is a beautiful Catholic church where the women will teach you how to make stained glass and invite you to lunch with the father. Amazing nice older women, oops Iām one now? You can ride your bike to Fort Zachery Taylor and do yoga on the beach! it was so wonderful, then breakfast out at the place with the bondage barbies hanging in the windows. Then, I would ride my bike to the grocery and make something healthy and fabulous for dinner or go to the flea market on big pine and get fresh fruit, vegetables and shrimp. So many cool things to do. I really miss it. Sometimes a friend of ours would take us out in a 36 ft cat to compete in the wreckers race. We always won. Or out until sunset. He was a wonderful friend. Or my girlfriend and I would kayak through the mangroves, or go spearfishing or lobstering….I guess you can tell I miss it.
I went to Big Pine Key Sea camp when I was in 5th grade. I wanted to be a marine biologist at the time. One of the best weeks of my childhood. ????
The Outer Banks in VA is what my friends in the DC area all talk about…
I still haven’t made it there!
I am here for the kitten.
Me too! So sweet!
It’s not that we don’t know you’re an adult. We just all want you to be our neighbors!
Cute kitten.
And, we want our favorite authors to be happy.
If you can afford to, he where your soul finds happiness! That’s all that matters!!
If I ever look for a home in a different state can I contact you? You Wowāed me! Just kidding I am not likely to move any time soon. Still very impressive. Cute kitty , but doesn’t hold a candle to Artha
May the buttholes of people who are condescending to you be forever itchy. Enjoy considering where to move and, if you do, may it be relatively stress free. Take care of yourselves.
May you find the place that brings you both lots of joy. Your books bring me a lot of enjoyment and hereās to reading many more of them.
I feel Gordan’s pain. Sometimes I feel like I’m allergic to the entire state of Kansas. I think we have similar amounts of ragweed but I can’t even imagine what it would be like having it bloom year-round.
And it baffles me that anyone could read your blog posts and think you aren’t a careful thinker. Even if you weren’t, literally no one likes unsolicited advice from strangers. Online or IRL.
Sorry you are feeling exhausted.
Positive Florida comment – I hardly ever get a cold here. Used to always get colds up north.
We are in the midst of moving and selling our house (in Florida). Which is stressful since I work from home.
We have been here 8 years (we seem to move every 6-8 years) moved from Virginia and thinking to relocate to North Carolina (maybe). Our daughter is in Virginia so want to be closer to her. We live in Sarasota, which is very nice. Beautiful beaches and lots of artsy stuff to do.
We bought an RV so we donāt have to choose where we end up right away. Planning on enjoying the Gypsy life for a while. ???? as long as I can get reliable internet. ????
Best wishes on wherever you choose to land.
Wherever you go, may you be happy and Gordon allergy-free. Because this equals MOAR BOoKs!
Mwahahaha!
Ahem.
+1!!
No lie, I love the saltiness of this post, lol. You are absolutely an adult, and will make the best decision for you and your family. Florida isn’t my cup of tea, but I’ve only ever lived on the west coast, and have a serious adversarial relationship with humidity. I once visited Florida in February, and felt like I was drowning in the air, so yep, not my thing. However! You are not me! My things and your things do not necessarily match! My goodness, what a revelation.
Reading this and sad because my kitty is stuck at the evil vet hospital where they are cruelly keeping her locked up unto she is doing all better and can come back home to run the place and chase the palmetto bugs back outside where they belong.
Also sad that people don’t realize still that sometimes unasked for advice is just that.
Come back to San Diego!!
While I have the same reaction to cats as Gordon does to to Texas– that is a cute kitty and pictures are just my speed. And totally with you on the HOA’s. Seen the horror stories there too.
You always make me laugh. I love your blog – especially when you call people on their ridiculousness. Iām officially inviting you to come visit us up here on the West Coast of Canada. Vancouver Island is a great place to relax, refresh, and feel inspired. You deserve it!
LOL, I hate gated communities with cookie cutter homes and HOAs too. When we were looking for our first home our agent took us to one, and as we drove in, I made a comment about not wanting to live in such a place, and my husband told the agent that he agreed because might get drunk one night and come home to the wrong house. It turned out our agent actually had a friend who was an ATF agent, came home after having had a drink after work, walked into the wrong house and pulled his gun on the poor family inside before he realized he was in the wrong house. Fortunately no one was injured.
I love Florida. I was born in Florida and spent most of my growing years if you will in Florida and would seriously love to go back.
My comment is this: for all the peeps saying something about crime… can anyone name a state or city in the USA that doesnāt have crime?
As for allergies, they told me that Arizona didnāt have allergies.
Lie. I have to take allergy medication every day.
Good luck and please get some rest.
I like the picture of the kitten. Cute, yes, but the look is stern and unyielding.
Unsolicited advice is the worst. Sending hugs.
It sucks that you received such unsolicited advice on your own blog. However, this post was snarky gold. I hope that you and Gordon will find your dream house in Florida, and that the move will go smoothly. If you feel like it, please share the most ludicrous or loveliest houses you come across. Those posts have been really fun to read. And aww, that kitten is adorable.
LOL! Very cute kitty. Good rant.
Australia has lots of beaches and usually great weather. All your Australian fans would love you to move here. I do realize it is very impractical for your children, book signings etc but we great Australian fans can still wish. Hope you find a wonderful new home to live in and love and that Gordonās allergies go away.
Australia, beautiful cities, fabulous beaches, lovely laid back people, cyclones, drought, floods, bushfires, venomous snakes and spiders. High allergens. Wouldn’t live anywhere else. Love your books and look forward to the next one.
Wellington New Zealand: Earthquakes, Flood, failing water/bus infrastructure, Gale force winds coming straight from Antarctica…more earthquakes
It works for me…
My aunt by marriage was an infant school teacher who had met my uncle as a teenager and before I was born. Her manner of speaking and advice did not change as I grew older and it was only on her premature death did I discover that I wasnāt alone, my father, mother, siblings and even her own mother-in-law felt that they had never aged beyond 4 years old! Some people cannot help themselves!
May the edits go smoothly so that you can enjoy your vacation afterwards.
Cute kitten- as adorable as your cats ???? Always love your stories from the mischief they get up to.
Mansplaining! Love it! My father had a little stroke a few weeks ago. After 3 weeks got bored and took out his bike (he is 78). He fell off because, surprise surprise, his leg didnāt work, and has major bruising coz, you know, stroke blood thinners. He tried to explain to me why his leg didnāt need treatment. I asked him where his laymanās knowledge backed up against my medical degree, my specialist degree and my masters. He looked a bit sheepish. Mansplaining! Humph!!!
So since you have moved so much, and with your former military transient lifestyle… as a person presently in the Air Force Reserve and married to an AD AF guy… I (try to) reassure myself through all the moves (including hubby’s upcoming- yikes- retirement where for the first time in 20 years of married life we get to pick where we live!)… anyway I reassure myself by thinking about a place to live as not my “forever home” but “our best choice right now.” We are planning a move to Whitefish, Montana because: Colorado is too big and crowded by now… where I grew up (New Mexico) no longer feels like home (and like you, Ilona, I am haunted by memories of loved ones dying of cancer). We vacationed in Whitefish 2 years ago. It feels like Colorado was 25 years ago, before it got discovered and exploded into the sprawl and busyness that I feel there now. We both love the mountains and the cool relaxed sports-and-artsy- vibe, I miss skiing, my husband misses biking and hiking and outdoor pursuits, and they have a strong public MS and HS for the kids. BUT…I also periodically freak out because I’ve never lived someplace that cold, with such long winters…. What if the kids don’t fit into the school? What if I can’t find a job I like? What if the community isn’t welcoming? Then I think– “well, we can always move!” š That is the last thing I want to contemplate after moving every 2- 3 years for the past 20…. but, better to move than live somewhere that doesn’t work, where you (or your spouse) is miserable! Allergies are the worst, and Zyrtec makes me at least super sleepy… I get why Gordon wants to move.
Those of us who follow this blog do so not just for the occasional snippets but also because we an relate to your worries, fears, joys and struggles … thank you for sharing.
Still looking forward to meeting you guys in Chicago in April! After watching a few episodes of āBuying Hawaiiā over the last few days where people are buying places close to the lava flows… I am quite sure that there is a buyer for every type of property and to each his own! Good luck!
Cute kitten in tree: “/Now/ what do I do??” Since most kittens happily climb /up/ trees & such, but then can’t figure out how to get back /down/! š
Good luck with whatever you decide to do with your move. I’ve read some of your pre- , during- and post-move blog entries and hope you don’t have any disasters spring on you this time (floods, lost Christmas presents, etc.!) (“post-move posts” just didn’t sound right!)
WHY are there gators that climb fences?????!!! Take it back!
+1000
Perhaps it’s to get to the other side?
Yes! Thank you for calling people out – I loved it. As part of a fellow military family, I completely understand! Some people just don’t get our lifestyle.
No advice, just love you and your job ! Good luck for your next moving/adventure ! The kitty is so cute! Nobody can be mean with him. Best shield ever ! š
The Andrews are my favorite authors. Even your Smackdowns are classy and fu reading.
Sāposed to be āfun readingā. Keyboard is sticking too much lately.
If I ever have a chance to buy a house I’m going to hire you as my consultant!
Virginia is a lovely state and its has a variety of living areas depending on if you want water, green spaces, horses to ride or hills to climb. Its climate is mostly mild and this past winter was a non event for us in Virginia Beach. There are the occasional hurricanes but no place is free from weather events. We have also moved all over and settled here for the last 40 years. We have an oceanfront if you like the tourist lifestyle and a wonderful Chesapeake Bay side that we much prefer. No tourists and a lot of beach. Single homes there can be a little pricy and there are smaller condo developments that might fit your needs. There are big ones too but I don’t think you would like the bigger kind of complex. Virginia would welcome you and your family and all your literary family as well.
Damn, the levels of adulting in this post are insane. I doubt I’ll ever be this adulty. Especially not regarding real estate or wells, which I hate anyway. On the other hand, I know a bunch of stuff now at 28 that I was clueless about when I was 20, so maybe I will be able to impress others with my adult knowledge someday too. You guys (and your characters) are always an inspiration when it comes to being a responsible adult. (No sarcasm, I mean it!)
I am with you on the coast thing! I was born on the West Coast of Canada, but my folks moved me up to the prairies for my dad’s and sister’s health. So mine went down, while theirs went up. Dry eyes, allergies, depression. Got married, stayed. Finally (very early) retirement! Florida! Back to a beloved coast. Florida was ultimately not for us because I honestly can’t stand the heat any more, I am healthy though! Six years there and I loved the places we visited, never Orlando though, I agree with you there! We were in John Travolta’s home area of Ocala, horse capital of the world. Gorgeous gardens, awesome antiquing, good bargains on non-HOA/POA neighborhoods, we got into one with a community center and pools with no additional fees. They are out there, I am 100% with you on HOAs or “fees, just so your neighbors can f*** with you,” why would I pay for that grief? There is a lot to love in Florida. I am back in Canada on the East coast of Nova Scotia, where we were thrilled to get an acre across the road from a river, 10 minutes from the Atlantic, with an 1800s house. Our Florida home closes tomorrow, so our coffers will be full again. I have moved many times, but crossing borders takes it up a step! By all means live where you are both healthy! I wish I had done it a lot of years earlier! Hoping this time we got it right!
LOL!! Seriously, thank you for the laugh!! Love you guys! Clearly they have not read anything you’ve written if they think you need advice!
BWAHAHAHAA
Thank you for this delightful post. Cracked me up. I appreciate your frustration. It did make me glad I decided against my own knee jerk thought of climate change and rising tides. š
Love the kitten!
oh wow….this is the universe god/goddess giving me another message.
I have been doing the same thing to my family. In particular my two brothers. Its uncomfortable to admit but Im convinced that I know better than them and in order to save them hardship and failure I insert my advise often and I have become a nag and controlling troglodyte to them.
BUT….now that I am super aware of what I am doing I have these fantastic internal conversations with myself BEFORE I open my mouth and try and tell them what to do. I have stopped doing it and I am letting them go forth and do whatever they want, its been a bit hard at times because they do something and my way would have been faster and easier…but why the feck am I putting so much of my time and energy into giving a shit about their lives.
So this busy body is retiring to focus on ME….
Goodluck for move š
Come and live in France, we have the Mediterranean, tea and everyone hates pollen. ^^
As someone who has lived in Seattle, Boston, and Galway, the following sentence is both mind blowing and terrifying: “We have see a gator up close. We have seen it climb a chain link fence.” What?! How?! No!
Goodness! It seems some folks have forgotten what the word āassumeā mean! As an army brat, I understand moving! I guess I āassumedā because of Gordonās military history, you guys were well aware of all the details of buying and selling houses (besides, Iāve been paying attention… Pflugerville to San Marcos…). Besides all THAT… I would NEVER tell anyone and I do mean ANYONE how or where to move! Maybe I actually am old! My parents raised me differently!!! Thatās just rude and I am sorry there are people in this world that would even say such nonsense!????????????
I don’t think that people mean to be rude. Maybe it’s excessive interest or sadly some of us never get to “share” our opinions.. on jump on the apparent opportunity with both feet. sigh…. but Ilona has explained what is what and now we will calm down and be good, for a little little while.
Move to Australia! We have our own issues, but you’ve never lived here before and it would be a whole new set of experiences for you all.
That is a damn cute kitten!
The only reason I don’t recommend Florida is because of the melting icebergs. Most of Florida is sea level. Yes, I believe in climate damage. I just know how much our winters have changed since I was a kid. I hope you find what makes you happy. Love the kitten. When I’m having an off day, I just picture the kitten hanging from a tree branch and figure I can hang on longer! ????