Sometimes work makes me deeply frustrated. Not the writing part – although that too. The writing frustration mostly results in me moaning about being a fraud or not talking at all until my brain sorts itself out. But the business part of publishing makes me boiling mad.
Unfortunately I can’t vent about my business publicly, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay silent. Let your butthurt flow…
Who’s got the marshmallows?!?!
As long as I’m safely on the other side of the damage, flame away! It isn’t good to bottle it in!
Thank you for all your efforts and surviving the frustration to continue doing your awesome work!
Best advice ever – “This too will pass.” I know you know this. Breathe deep and get through it. Because you guys are rare story tellers and the pain of your art apparently includes dealing with all the stuff that goes with publishing. If you don’t publish, however, we will never thrill to your stories. And speaking for myself, I desperately need the thrill.
My week so far:
– working at felt 120% every day
– doing unnecessary cleanup work because colleagues did not ask before instead of after
– first customer does not want careful backup software update because it takes too long. Then goes back on decision to quickly install small backup environment to solve his problem. Now they want an elaborate plan for the big update, which will take three times as long as actually doing the update…
– New business software for entering work times and generating time sheets for the customer is utter crap
– and so on….
we got ransomware attacking our parent company…. which impacts time cards ect.
Boss is unhappy with co-worker because she has missed too much work and is constantly getting sick and/or injured every time she does anything.
Co-worker is upset with boss because she made the comment that maybe co-worker should just “stay on the couch” and not leave her house so she wouldn’t get hurt again.
Co-worker has just injured herself playing golf and will most likely miss a fair amount of work for MRI/surgery.
Some weeks I swear it just doesn’t pay to work in a small office.
I had a job where my function was the same as the person I shared an office with. Only one of us could be out of the office at a time. If we were both sick, which happens sometimes when you share an office, the first one to call could stay home and the other could throw up in her trashcan.
OMG do we work together? Because I swear you just described one of my coworkers… ???♀️
My boss just entered a meeting that she set up and sat quietly for a few minutes then said, “So, why are we here?” *Face palm* That’s time of my life I’m never getting back.
I ran across this gem today:
“Another strategy, one we term “manclusion,” involves including men in meetings simply to induce better behavior from the men on the other side of the table. For example, Janica Alvarez, the CEO of Naya Health, a breast pump manufacturer, adopted a manclusion strategy after investors looked at porn during her pitch meeting. She started bringing her husband along to pitch-meetings to induce decent human behavior from investors.”
http://clsbluesky.law.columbia.edu/2019/06/06/venture-bearding/
I support any and all dragon fire.
WTF. I Cannot.
Just Can. Not.
Agreed
+1
definitely +1
One of our vendors started to present and his computer showed porn.
OMG.
Really dude, on your work computer?
The arrogance of some people is amazing. I once worked at an organization where the financial director was fired for a few things, one of which was having Porn on his work laptop. He had signed an agreement (like all employees) that it would only be used for work and it could be checked at any time because it belonged to the organization. He must have thought because he was an executive, that he wouldn’t ever have his computer checked. Or maybe he just didn’t want his wife finding it on his home computer. People are crazy.
My question to all those people who look at porn on their work laptops: do you not realize you can delete your cookies and browser every time you close out your browser?!
I have to do this for a government website I have to get secured hospital reports.
I meant browser websites, not the browser itself (only I think others would like to delete the browser of people watching porn). 😀
Doesn’t necessarily help. There are applications they can install on your computer that log where you go on the web.
There’s also software that will prevent you from going to porn sites, gambling sites, etc. Makes it very hard to check at work to see if I’ve won Powerball. It considers that a gambling site.
I worked for R&D in a major pharmaceutical company. We had a senior scientist fired and escorted out of the building for watching porn in his office. He was considered brilliant but was a jerk to work for… But he got results… I guess he thought he couldn’t be fired. Not so much… IT reported the porn and the next day he was gone…
Can we all chip in for the Dragon Fire? Because I would totally be on board for that.
I’ve got marshmallows! ?
We had to do that when I worked for a nonprofit center serving the immigrant Asian communicty in Los Angeles. Whenever I, an Asian woman running the program, said anything to the male elders involved the problem, it was disregarded. But if I had my youthful, Asian male interns repeat what I just said, then it was given serious consideration. They all though it was crazy (being American born and fairly Americanized), but they understood it was all about getting results so they dutifully parrotted whatever I said and waited to roll their eyes until after we were done and debriefing.
recently interviewed for a high level executive assistant job at a fairly large corporation. One of the vice president said they would prefer if I could smile all the time like the last person. He really appreciated that kind of positive attitude. Because y’know emotions, ew.
I believe that fits the definition of sexual harassment. Because it created a hostile working environment and can be from clients.
I once had a head of HR tell me that I would get further in the organisation if I smiled more and let people see my “warm and gentle side” (we’re both women). In a perfect world, I would have responded by shooting laser beams from my eyes while shouting “Is this warm enough for you??” Alas, I had to make do with giving her a LOOK and walking off.
Whoa!!#
Paperwork and red tape can be so infuriating! Add in the idiocy of bureaucracy and that’s a recipe for disaster! Good luck Ilona~
I recommend some serious self-care time- whatever that looks like to you!
Feel that pain. My new boss freely admits to being a bully as it “gets better results.” Got an official warning – mostly for not keeping him on track despite not being an EA – never mind that my actual work is good.
I work part time at a nonprofit for 2 years. In August my stipend will end. And I have asked to be permanently hired. And they say the budget doesn’t allow me to be hired even part time.
New people have been hired in other areas but so far they can’t find the funds for me. And it is frustrating and some friends say I should work harder. My boss knows how hard I work and how much I have improved the business.
So I am counting down the days, trying to professional and do my job. But it hurts and makes me feel like I am a pen, it’s runs out of ink and you toss it.
This is the world we live in .
Anybody else got the “9 to 5” theme ear worm now?
This is the week of kitchen disasters. I knocked a cup of milk over in the fridge and watched the small lake form. I spilt water in the freezer, and it adhered to the freezer wall as I tried to wipe it up. I disposed of unused hot fudge, missed the stainless steel garbage, and stared in horror at the slow mudslide to the floor. I don’t have any experience with publishing, but I can attest that there are times of extreme frustration where life (or people) suck(s). P.S. don’t save hot fudge, just eat it all. 🙂
Is there such a thing as “unused hot fudge?!” Dear Cacao God, please forgive our sin! ??
That was my first thought, too!
There is no such thing as unused hot fudge. Ever.
But there is the disaster of not enough ice cream to put it on 🙂
Put on cookies, crackers, toast, bananas, strawberrries………..
🙂
Is there some reason you can’t just eat if off of a spoon?
I am having some trouble with this concept, especially since hot fudge is one proven therapy for stress relief.
? most definitely!
Did you run out of spoons?
That was covered in another discussion… the one where silverware, socks, ponytail holders, etc., have a predisposition of disappearing so she may have run out of spoons!
Thank you for the hours of enjoyment and escape you provide your readers! I too love my work, tech writing, it’s the people that suck. Haha.
I feel this post so much. Some days I wonder if publishing is worth it. It seems like every day some new frustration arises. If it isn’t Amazon messing up something, it’s drama in the author community. If it’s not those, it’s a reader who insists on buying and reading every book I write, while leaving one star reviews on them all. (Seriously, if you hate it, why do you keep reading them??)
But…I love writing. And when I’m most frustrated something great will come along and happen shortly and remind me again why I usually love publishing and being an author. But this business isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure. I’m constantly baffled by the folks who say they write “just for the money”. I’m like, if you don’t REALLY LOVE IT, how is all of the frustration worth it?
The reviewer is probably the poor idiot who was nagged into going to theatre grad school and isn’t fit to do anything else except write critiques. ‘Cause there are very few jobs for theatre history MA’s…. a wretched fate I avoided by being “the only one in my graduating class Not going to grad school” (my advisor was Not Happy with me). I wanted to work in theatre and did, and still enjoy being a community theatre techie, lo these many years later.
You deserve better – the review sites need to monitor for consistently poor reviewers, and block them.
Disagree. It’s quite rare that I feel motivated enough to leave a positive review, but the feeling of having wasted both time and money on something I dislike is very motivating. Very, *very* motivating.
Potential buyers read reviews, both positive and negative. Sometimes, I’ll read a negative review and think, “What they dislike is something I love!” Sometimes, I’ll read one and think, “Yeah, I hate that, too.” Sometimes, I’ll read one and think, “Hmm; that review seems utterly useless.”
I used to buy a series of books at once, and, because I’d bought them, force my way through all of them even if I hated the first. I don’t do that anymore, but it’s a reason why people continue to read even when they dislike something. Or, they didn’t quite like the first one, but it showed promise and they thought maybe if they kept going…
Basically: don’t obsess over negative reviews. It’s not worth it. I saw Jill Mansell’s twitter post about the 1-star reviewer on Amazon. Normally, I would reject that review as not very informative, but having displayed it prominently for her 30,000 followers to attack turned out to be informative after all.
I especially don’t like people giving bad reviews because they don’t like the price, mostly kindle price! The author does not even make that decision, but the publisher! It is unfair to the author and the book! Those complaints should be addressed elsewhere, not in the book reviews.
As long as he is buying. I’ve had this happen before and I always smile and think, “Thank you for the money.”
Ha ha, so true! It just baffles me why they would keep buying and reading if they dislike it. They bought, read, and reviewed my newest release, so I know it wasn’t a case of them buying them all at once and forcing themselves through. Maybe it’s because in this particular case, the reviewer prefaces by saying I’m a “good writer, but…” Good enough to keep buying and reading, but they don’t like certain relationships that feature in my books.
But you make an excellent point, Ilona. As long as they’re buying. 😀
Building a house. That I designed. Frame manufacturer decided, in his infinite wisdom, he didn’t like the placement of one of the front of house windows . . . . and moved it. Now instead of my (very large) windows being symmetrical, my house looks . . . . well . . . it looks . . . . lopsided.
P.S. I think you and Gordon are awesome. Sending good thoughts your way.
I’m very frustrated with Amazon right now. As a reviewer it’s important for my reviews to be posted as soon as the book is released for publication. I spend hours working hard to make sure they are good. But lately, Amazon has been taking days post reviews which hurts everybody including the author and readers.
Okay after reading all y’all’s Problems, other than my kitty being sick, I am good.
Found transactions and bank statements for a bank account from 2015. It has never been included in any accounting that I can find for that company. Tax returns are already completed through 2017. This is the sort of thing I am dealing with. 2018 transactions didn’t get posted for certain businesses. Dealing with 2 companies with this type of headache. Bank statements show transactions; but, not all of them tell where the money came from or went. I have a bunch of puzzle pieces. I manage to find one or two to fit and those pieces point to more that can’t be found. My head hurts from the sheer impossibilities. Ofttimes, my boss pays for one company’s bills with another company’s checks. He does this with 11 companies. I am becoming overwhelmed. I am desperately trying to take it in small bites.
Maybe just merge it all into 1 account and call it Company 1 dba Company 2 dba Company 3 etc etc. ?
I wanna rant. I’m sorry you’re breathing fire. But I can join you. My dead beat ex who can’t be bothered to talk to his children more than once a month if that and only bothers to see them for a week at Christmas and 2 weeks in summer- this summer he can only be bothered for 9 days, a month later than he was supposed to see them. My kids are so bummed. Oh and god bless my eldest not only is the poor kid already autistic (mercifully very high functioning) and has a genetic progressive hearing loss, now the doc is like 99% sure he’s got another shitty genetic disorder that if not monitored can make your aorta explode (they call it an aortic dissection) or your retinas detatch. So definitely nothing that would freak a Momma out. And it’s probably from the deadbeat exes side and the doc is like freaking out that sperm donor hasn’t had genetic/cardiac work ups done already and I’m like dude I tried to tell him but if he ever listened to me, we might still be married. So I’ll tell him you said it this time and maybe that will matter. So in the mean time we have to do a shitload of tests on my poor kid. Who also coincidentally has to have his tonsils out in a couple weeks. And start orthodontic spacers bc how much can you pile on one little 10 year olds very skinny shoulders?! Whine whine bitch, moan, whine.
And the middle child is firmly in the land of she only wants to eat Mac and cheese, pizza, corn dogs, and PBJ. Anything else and she’s going to fight me tooth and nail for ages. And I’m really tired of it.
Oh and I think the 2 year old is getting croup. Bc I’m not busy enough and I’ve only been to the docs office once this week. Poor baby has been ultra cuddly, started feeling warm, doesn’t want to eat, and then started w the classic cough a couple hours ago so we will make the call after nap time. Poor kiddo.
And the house is a screaming mess bc we had to tear apart the pantry/laundry room and re do insulation and all this jazz and then it promptly rained for days so we couldn’t make any progress and now that it’s finally clear and dry my Dad is off having a Me Day, doing lunches and hanging w his buddy while laundry mountain grows ever larger and the mess makes my eye twitch.
Okay I think that’s all my bitching for now. Thanks. I needed that.
Wow. Good luck with everything!!
Too bad Sue threw out that hot fudge. I think you need some.
Your ex needs to stand under the dragon fire. WTH?
I agree…….
A good roasting would be beneficial.
I just had this thought “a little salt, pepper, onion and garlic powders, and an apple in the mouth to stifle the screams”. 😀
A little cannibalistic…I know, but any person who does that to his or her kids should be roasted to a crisp.
+1
Don’t worry about the food, they are young and out grow it. You deserve a metal and I wish I was there to help.
I wish I could give you a hand,,, I’m retired and often bored. At least I could get the laundry done,,, many many hugs, lots of chocolate, and a bottle of wine.
It’s too hot to knit 🙂
Dracarys! Burn them all! Just kidding. ?
Nothing like drafting something for hours just to have someone say they are going with something else or that you need to fix it. Boooo!
Not to gloat or anything but I’m retired. I’m glad I lived long enough to enjoy it. And as badly as all of you suffer 25 years on the graveyard shift at the post office was hell, believe me.
lmao
me tooooo
I love my life, just got back from dodging tornadoes on the way home from a two month drive around the four corners of the USA.
I sympathize 100%. I legally can’t share ANYTHING about my job, and some things really need to be known.
I have a stress dinosaur (made from foam) that I squeeze the he!! out of, Often… Blue the stress dinosaur is about one more stupid meeting away from loosing his head.
I had a squishy ball that I could throw as hard as possible at my office wall. It made me feel much better. That and cussing and (sadly) eating, got me through a thirty year municipal career. Have spent retirement losing weight, sorta stopped cussing and wondering how I ever got ANYTHING done while I was working. And reading, lots of reading.
Yes. The eating. I LOVE my job, but it’s not stress free, and I’ve gained serious weight over the past ten years…
I’ve got a work frustration to share. I work in a call center as a front line agent. For the past week (happened prior too), I have a voice when I get out of my car. It continues to remain up until I walk in the building. Two steps in, my throat starts to feel as though my vocal cords are attempting to claw their way up and out. The powers that be know of this issue, but just shrug and say “your job description is talking on the phone. We can’t do anything. ” I don’t know. Perhaps there is something they can do. Hire a cleaning service that, wait for it…actually cleans. There is glitter in the carpet (don’t ask) that has been there for over 3 months. And don’t get me started on the layers of dust/insulation/asteroid particles on everything. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!
I had one of those call center jobs once. Nothing more frustrating. I was unavoidably late one morning (CTA bus broke down when I was on it) and was told that I should have anticipated it and left home an hour earlier. They timed your bathroom breaks. They had a contest for taking the most calls and at the end raised our daily requirements. I finally turned in my notice intending to leave that day and they talked me into staying 2 more weeks with a promise of a different job. Foolish me believed them.
The stress of these jobs is unimaginable and the supervisors are often tin despots.
My best wishes to you.
I once ran a small business down the hall from a large call service business in a multi-storied building, and I swear, each and every one of those employees arrived in the morning looking as if they were about to be beaten to death with chains and knives and then at the end of the day, dragged themselves back out to their cars with so little life left in them, I wanted to bake them all cookies and hug each and every one of them. I saw way too many of them hiding in my hallway (behind our business), silently sobbing. That is a very rough way to make a living; my heart goes out to you.
Report them to OSHA.
Did you see the clip of One-Punch Man trying to kill a mosquito? 🙂
Hope whatever you are dealing with passes swiftly!
Your work speaks for itself Ilona. You write it and we will read it regardless of the manner of publishing. We aren’t loyal to publishing houses, we dote on you.
Whenever I get frustrated at work, I watch this GIF – it’s even bookmarked. Sorry, I tried to upload it directly but couldn’t get it compressed enough. Hope this brings a smile to your face!
https://gfycat.com/cooperativegivingbengaltiger-chiitan
My storejust redid the ethnic asile and the bean counters that came upwith the new layout decided that out of 110 feet worth of shelving that around 12 feet would be East Indian food and the rest Asian food. Including fulls four foot sections with five or six shelves just for sweet chili sauce for chicken, Parle-G biscits, sky flake crackers, cream crackers,Masala Munch snack mix and Sriracha sauce. They “forgot” to look at the sales numbers for the Middle Eastern food and pulled it all from the shelves and now have to find a way to add it back in. Turns out that having a small mosque in town mean that we do a fair amount of sales of Halal and other middle eastern foods.
Does anyone else have what I call “lottery ticket days”? Where the day is so bad that you have to go buy a lottery ticket after work, because the slim and probably futile hope that you’ll win the lottery and can retire early is the only comfort and legal outlet for your frustration and pent-up stress? Or is that just me? 😀
+1 and I have a “when I win the lottery” list too!
+1 Some days are just so poopy that you think “Something has to go right now. I’ve used up all of my bad luck. I better go buy a lotto ticket.” ?
Great idea. Just lying awake at night figuring out how to spend the money I never one was enough to relax me enough to go to sleep. Except the time The scenario made me mad and kept me up half the night, stupid brain.
I get up every morning and check my emails to see if I won
sadly not yet
everyday is lotto ticket day for me
The air conditioner at my work broke and my employer did nothing to mitigate the situation for us. We were allowed to take leave, but were otherwise expected to show up power through the heat.
Someone should have fainted. Fainting or vomit and they will send you home.
I’m swamped. Firstly, I don’t work anymore. But I’ve started volunteering my time, and I keep on getting roped into more and more things. The latest bonanza is to help with the 3 day community event, and every “brilliant” suggestion I have to make it run more smoothly ends up on my plate. Yet I still haven’t learnt how to shut up.
I learned a new word today! “butthurt”!
Now let’s see, how can I slip that into a work email…
Please, please, please!! Then share a copy with the rest of us!!????
Heres some lovely chocolate. Add your favorite hug. My health care costs increased 4 days ago to almost $5000 year chronic health issues demand i keep coverage. Sick with stress. Trusted & bought new 3 ebook series from new author. So very not good. 106 degrees on Monday. We are warrior women. We got this. Eyes up. Forward.
$2500 a month here. 🙂 For 4 people.
these are the posts that make me grateful for minimal 400 a month need to breathe meds without insurance. yeah, I still can’t swing it but I won’t die immediately if I go broke.
Your work is amazing, and if your publishers cannot see it or value it then F**K that noise and find another way, your fans will still be here waiting for you to say “our work is over here now, come spend your money, please!”
Have you checked out GoodRx.com? They can provide lower prices for a lot of meds.
I will see you $1400 / mo. for 2 people and raise you dental ins. extra.
Apologies for posting that. I got my math wrong.
First: Always be the dragon! My turn. Third day back to work after being off for medical crap, get an emergency call from my husband- the puppy found a bottle of 3in1 oil to chew on, on the the couch. Commence much diarrhea. (He’s doing fine, the couch cover, not so much.)
Is was told by my kids VPK teacher that the management mad her want to leave after 12+ years. But she was told by a parent that came back on her forth child that the only reason she continued to come back was because of her. This being said. I have come back to you and your books over and over again. I have turn people on to your books over and over again. The business side sucks but if it wasn’t for YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE PICKED UP A BOOK AND STARTED READING. I have hated reading for years. But you book…. just WOW. We love you!
Yesterday was one of those if I don’t laugh… days. Nothing big happened. But, as an example, we finally ran out of Cheerios. I was going to get them at Costco. Except they only had 2 sugary kinds in stock. So off for a quick grocery run. Kiddo lost a shoe, a few minutes to find it. We get to the store. They’re resurfacing the half of the parking lot I was planning on using. Have to drive around the block. Parking is a zoo. Cheerios are on a super sale! Which means that the regular aisle is out. (Fortunately, I found an extra pile.) Go to pay. Lady in front of me insists on a plastic bag for her milk. Except that the check stand is out of plastic. Next one over has some. But lady doesn’t understand the cashier telling her to grab one.
Finally to the car after dodging cars everywhere. Go to back out, oh, there’s a pair of slow pedestrians approaching my car. Waits. Oh look, they’re the car next to me, and have 2 doors open so I am stuck. By the time they close the doors, the guy waiting for my spot is super impatient and I have to manoeuvre out around him.
At least the Cheerios were on sale.
I work at a pretty large healthcare insurance company and my direct supervisor told me in a meeting with the director that street my ankle surgery I could not work from home full time until I could drive again. (I already work from home 3 days a wk anyway) she said it wouldn’t be approved, “period” she was really rude about it too.
The following week she pulled me in for a heart to heart where she told me she never said those things and they had figured out how to accommodate me. If we werent so broke I would have just stayed off on short term disability. As it stands the one wk of work I missed through the entire time back five days in turn around time.
Anyway, she’s being extra nice to me right now. Knowing it’s because she messed up on front of her boss makes it feel extra icky. Ive been trying to look for work while working from home recovering from ankle surgery. 🙂 yay! Go nursing!
My mom, who is also a nurse, works for a large health insurance company, too. She’s counting down the days & trying to hang on until retirement (2 years). The upper management keeps piling on the work without providing enough resources to deal with it.
Pretty sure the horror is flowing across this comment section. And I’m pretty sure it’s both well deserved and cathartic. I’m early 20s and live at home to save money for a deposit etc … In January my dad contracted sepsis, not that we knew it at the time. In early January he was an hour away from dying – the doctors told us that. Thank Christ he survived, but he then spent an awful month in hospital with broken windows in gale force winds and exposed wiring (awful NHS funding) then he had “hospital at home” where nurses came four times a day for a month. Then there was a death in the family which we travelled to and it made him far worse, which led to emergency treatment in hospital, another month of “hospital at home”, and then being told he’s got another year where he’s got to be in a cast at all time. Through all that I’m helping my parents more than they know, financially keeping my family afloat, then finding out of I’m being made redundant. This year has been horrific and I’m sad to say there are a great many people in these comments needing to get stories like this off their chest to strangers too. Good luck, and I hope life gets better for you all.
Oh Ruby. I am so sorry. This really sucks. Fingers crossed for a different and better job.
I had a business consultant (for our construction company) edit a proposal that I had written. She made corrections, and then I had to fix all her corrections because she’d screwed up some of the facts (putting some of the answers under the wrong questions on the form, accidentally changing the facts in one spot) and also screwed up things like noun/verb agreement, grammar, spelling, and then, the final straw: failed to answer the one critical question that the entire form was based around. (I caught that and fixed that, too.) I knew she’d spent some time on it and expected a bill of about $2500 based on the various other things she’d done and our agreement… and got a bill for over $8,000 and boy howdy, the dragon fire is going to fly tomorrow. I had to wait a day before I even addressed it because I wanted to flay her alive.
Breathe the fire!! Compared to some of the other comments, this is nothing but it’s eating me anyway so hopefully a little shared rant will help.
I had booked holiday to go and spend a week in the middle of nowhere in Scotland taking care of my aunt’s horses, dogs and house while she’s away with her family. Done it yearly for 4 odd years now and it my favourite trip every year. Dog cuddles and walks and horse riding through forests with no people or cars or anything. It may be “work” to some, but it’s utter bliss to me. Anyway, Boss okayed it, then a week later turns around and tells me she made a mistake with the diary, and actually I can’t take that time off I have to work. So there I was, all excited to spend the first week of July in my favourite place, and she tells me I have to cancel it. I want to scream. There were tears involved. Her screw up, I get to suffer for it. And my aunt who now has to pay someone to see to all the animals too. (She does pay me too I should add, but mostly to cover my expenses while there, which suits me just fine. I’d happily do it for free!)
Add to that getting a crappy email this week, whilst taking a few days off work, from another manager who isn’t happy that my weekly lesson notes aren’t more detailed, I’m pretty grumpy with my management team right now. I wouldn’t mind the grumpy email, even if it’s ridiculous cause I’ve seen other lesson notes far less helpful than mine, if they exist at all, but sending it to my personal email not my work one, when she knows I’m away? Not nice.
Wow – I thought finding out my house has termites was bad enough. I am sending not only marshmallows but entire cyber somemore kits to you all.
Having to vacate our house for three days will be inconvenient, along with boarding the animals, but we will survive. Getting rid of the pests is worth it.
I hope all of you find resolution, success, better health and inner peace. Ilona and Gordon, hang in there! The world needs your writing. Wishing you better days ahead.
Mostly, I would just like to say about the moaning about being a fraud… lol. Don’t. Tolkien stole from every legend ever written by the Irish, Scottish, and English. Then he went full bore and stole a crap ton from German folklore. Only people that seemed to stay even somewhat pure used to be the Hindu in India because they were the legends their people made up. But, in the end, no. The really unique authors are the ones only certain people read. You may find 1 in 50 people that like something like the Strain. Vampires that are completely and totally redefined in a very unique way. But then you have things like A Wrinkle In Time that are strange and beautiful in their own way. Although a lot of tradition was thrown on its head by it. So, no, you aren’t a fraud. You would only be a fraud if you copied another’s words directly. The ideas, the dreams, the imaginings, those are all together in the human psyche. Neal Gaiman didn’t come up with his interpretation of Gods. That has been tossed around by philosophers for hundreds of years. Did gods make men or men make gods? Ultimately, it is all hubris to a degree regardless of the answer. Keep your head up. You guys aren’t frauds because I don’t read frauds.
huh?
Thank you for all you do – especially dealing with the crap side of publishing. I adore your books and often re read them and listen to the audiobooks multiple times. (Currently listening to Sweep in Peace.)
I’m a wife & mom. Our ac was acting up for several days and we live in SC where the heat indices have been around 105 on some days. We expected to have to buy a new unit since the compressor has been replaced 3 times in 6 years. We called a new company who fixed it (yay) but they also found the last company who serviced our unit (3 weeks ago) didn’t clean the drain line. ? When I called to ask about it, the office person said, “I don’t think they even go under the houses.” (They do and the tech did. ? He just didn’t clean it.)
My 5 yo daughter has been sick for a week and not sleeping well which means I haven’t been sleeping well either. She had a high fever and vomiting the first day so the urgent care doc thought stomach bug. Then she developed a cough. (Maybe from aspirating vomit.) Cough continued to get worse. Fevers got worse without Motrin. Went to pediatrician on Monday with 105 fever. He was very concerned and sent her to hospital for chest X-rays and blood work. The X-ray tech was not friendly and was brusque with my sick child. ? (The lab tech who took her blood was amazing.) The results indicated severe viral bronchitis. The next day, the pediatrician’s office called back and said they think she needs an antibiotic, too, just to make sure she’s covered in case it’s bacterial. I’m not sold, but decide to try it since she’s been so sick. I gave her part of the antibiotic. She cried & ran away complaining her tongue was tingling and hurt. I called the office after hours to ask if this was indicative of an allergic reaction because I also have an allergy to this particular antibiotic, the liquid version caused the same reaction in me, too, and online research said to discontinue. No one called me back until the next day. When the nurse called back, they said if her fever was better, she may not even need it, but I should give it anyway just to see if she is allergic so we will know next time. She wants me to risk an allergic reaction on a med my child doesn’t need now “just to see how she does.” ? Um, no! I’m not doing that.
Fortunately, she is on the mend and doing much better today.
Appreciate your current mood and will see yours, meet it and and raise with just two words: Public servant.
‘Nuff said.
Oh, hey, I’m relistening to Sweep in Peace right now, too! Every time I relisten to or reread any of the Authorlords’ books, stories, snippets, or novellas, it’s like visiting with a good friend.
That’s xxactly how I feel. Lean back, relax and be yourself.
Carrie, that is awful. I am so sorry. I haven’t had great luck with doctors after hours, but I had help almost 100% of the time when asking the pharmacist who sold me the medicine. They are extremely knowledgeable about potential side effects and allergies. We had one instance of Kid 1 taking medicine and having a severe reaction and the pharmacist listened to two seconds of me explaining it and told me to discontinue immediately and offered help to find an alternative.
I work in retail and am an occasional catholic. There are times when it affords me great pleasure to mentally step back from an unpleasant customer situation and think “you are soooooo going to hell”.
I love dragons! Lol
🙁
I just don’t know about anything anymore. This country has gone crazy over the last 20 years. It sucks being old with a good memory as you know things used to be more humane and just better. 40 years ago we worked as hard as we do today but we were happier. Whether it rained or the sun was shining we knew mostly everyone worked towards the betterment of men and women. People were polite, men just knew to open the door for any woman. We said sir and Maam, please and thank you. We didn’t look for the bad but the good. Now, I look around and wonder if a sudden plague came by and wiped out half of all people would I even care.
I love your books because they remind me of how people were 40 years ago and how I hope they will be again. Honor, integrity and truth. Work hard and play hard. Do whatever you will as long as it harms no one else. Stand up, volunteer, be the first to help not the first to hurt. See what life is like from their eyes. Just care, be compassionate to everyone. There is no one true way.
I want the world to be better for my kids and everyone elses kids and I’ll be damned if I know how to make that happen anymore.
Oh, and yes chocolate, let there be more chocolate.
I had to have a very old bridge replaced with implants. Got implants, wait 3 months to heal, go to dentist to get crowns, implants failed. Had to dig out implants, let heal for a few weeks, go back and get bone graft, new implants, wait 4 months to heal. So sometime in July Dr. Dentist will cut open my gum, pull implants down and attach crowns. Meantime front tooth bonding breaks and had to get a crown. $10k ??♀️ Plus stuff happening at work that I can’t legally talk about so I am getting stressed with the need to discuss it!
Lots of hugs to all of you having a crappy week. My week is going pretty well except for my allergies.
Hubby is the one having the bad week at his job. I’m trying to help him through it but people keep inquiring and it makes it hard to not talk about it. Unfortunately he cannot complain because well….adapt and overcome and I know he would really like to breathe fire right now.
I am just going to rant about the weather. I detest summer. Sweating is my least favorite part. Sunburn ranks up their too. Men and women in scanty clothing who should be ticketed for indecent exposure and/or public eyesores. Not to mention the snakes, ticks, spiders, wasps that come out from under their rocks in the summer. Yeah, I hibernate for 3 months, waiting for cooler temps and more fully dressed people
Oh Nancy. I feel your pain. I truly don’t understand why people don’t get that full coverage but floaty layers will keep you much cooler in summer than tight tiny clothes.
Oh yeah. I worked at a well-known theme park last summer and saw some of the worst sunburns from skimpy clothing. All I could think was “that poor person will Not sleep at all for the next few nights!!”.
I’m so sorry. I’m glad you all have a safe place to vent. I’ve been retired for five years but since January I have a new great niece (she had successful open heart surgery yesterday) , my Dad’s short term memory is nonexistent so he goes to a day program 2 days a week (it gives Mom a rest), he fixates on things so it’s like dealing with a toddler, and my Mom’s chronic sciatica flared up along with bursitis in the same hip. March and April I spent at least 3 days a week driving them places and waiting for them to finish. Last week my mother got impatient and she’s back on a walker. Monday is good example of a typical day 9:40 take Dad to his day program. Go back, pick up Mom and take her to chiropractor (25 minute drive in opposite direction). She had breakfast at 6:30, her sugar is crashing so grab lunch, then she tells me there’s no food in house so we go for groceries. Take her groceries up to apartment, put gas in car, pick up Dad at 2:45. Get home at 3:15, put my groceries away, leave at 5:30 to go to boot camp, come home at 6:45, eat junk for supper and in bed by 10.
Hmn…..I wish I could help or advise but can’t. What I can say is that you and Gordon have many, many loyal readers, that would follow you guys anywhere. Wishing you peace of mind, fulfillment, and contentment. If an entity is causing you the opposite, disengage.
I had some complaints, although not about things that are as bad as some of you. I am sorry and hope everyone can take a big breath and get over the frustration/bad stuff hump.
But today, at least we can all know there is one good thing for all of us: we’re not one of those 19 or 20 year olds waiting to run out of a landing craft on one of the D Day beaches. Those poor kids.
O K
here’s the (my) thing
I’m more marshmallow on a stick (think offender on a claw)
Call me lazy, but no muss no fuss no mess and preferably no collateral damage
I find going full dragon works best when only the offender is crisped to ash.
All i’m really saying, is I am helpful.
It isn’t a problem to do a little more , come in a little early, stay late, whatever it takes to get it done.
For me the dragon ? is no. I like (whomever) have a job, I am compensated to fulfill that function. I do not have to go beyond that. My no dragon has taught me the colossal problem I have not being helpful.
In the course of my career I have learned the power of not indulging myneed to be, but addressing whatever set me off.
WTF … I asked a supervisor I said, no too, if I understood correctly that she was evaluating firing Me because I refused to come in early and or stay late to finish someone else’s work.
I don’t know if what I’m saying is making sense but I really really want whatever is annoying me obliterated. With no mess to clean up
I’m over $100,000 in student loan debt, staying with my parents, and the financial/societal/career anxiety is crippling. I’m doing odd jobs, cooking and cleaning for my parents, while building an illustration career, but the constant stress makes me crazy unproductive, and I’m so embarrassed about it all that i don’t talk to anyone. I hope all of you guys have betters ahead! Also- if you know a post-grad who is struggling, please don’t project the freeloader/lazy stereotype on them. Chances are that they really ARE trying, but just need a little love. Venting over. thanks, Ilona.
Do you have an Instagram to share with us with illustrations? 🙂
Thank you all so much. It’s really nice to know you’re not alone in this mess 🙂 My instagram is https://www.instagram.com/skinandvine/
I like your style, Mel! It is refreshingly different. Good, good luck. I really don’t know how young people survive today.
If the politicians want to do something that will really stimulate the economy, they should wipe out all student debt. All that talent and young enthusiasm unleashed from the anxiety you all are burdened with!? Watch out, world!?
I feel you! My eldest finished his Master’s degree last year and moved back home to practice full time while auditioning for symphony positions. No luck yet. He’s 26 and I know it’s hard for him. We fully expect him to get a spot and are proud to support him until that happens. Even so I know this is not how he saw things going at this stage of the game. We love having him here but realize he wants to get his life started.
Hang in there! Sending good juju your way for a breakthrough soon☺️??
@Mel – It’s not just you. We have an entire generation who can’t afford to live on their own, let alone buy a house. There’s no shame in multi-generational living arrangements. Many cultures that do that, it helps the next generation pay off debts and save up. It’s frustrating though, when you have certain metrics that to you spell success.
I’m still paying off my student loan debts, but it’s certainly kept me from trying to get my own house. I was horribly under paid in past positions (males that reported to me made more than I did in one case when they had no experience and a lesser degree).
Hang in there!
If you aren’t already, you might want to consider joining local chapters of professional organizations for visual/graphic arts as well as any aea art guilds, those can be good for networking and finding opportunities. Granted mileage varies, sometimes one chapter of an organization is so much better than another chapter located elsewhere. Ok so this is unsolicited advice, but I hope you’ll forgive me for mentioning it.
@Mel, I so feel your pain. In pretty much the same situation here. Graduate, with a hard time finding a good job because I decided to switch careers and so none of my experience counts for anything. Passionate but with a blank resume, so looking for good internships or volunteer work even (would like to get into social entrepreneurship) and still not getting it. Frustrating to depend on my husband, hate having to ‘take’ money for fripperies that I never thought twice about buying before. Ugh. I mean I feel you, there is so much angst in me it almost feels melodramatic but is just my reality. Hard work and perseverance. I hope we all have better stuff to report soon.
I was a stay-at-home mom, and I tended to feel I was mooching when I spent anything on myself. What I wish we’d done is make 3 bank accounts – bills, his, mine. The paycheck goes into ‘bills’ and a pre-agreed amount goes to each. That way, each person has some of their own.
Thank you. This makes sense. I should talk about this option at home.
My husband and I do this and it works really well. Some freedom to spend on gifts, hobbies, extras and a night out with friends, but for the rest of it we are accountable to eachother.
We did that. We each had a credit union account and every paycheck had a percentage that went into those accounts. The bills and larger purchases came out of the “general fund” and we each had our own small accounts.
I can definitely relate to this. I wish you the best and I am so glad you have a good support system, because it really isn’t fun. I’ll keep going if you do!
Mel, I feel your pain. I was doing the struggling post-grad thing until we had my daughter. Now I have what I jokingly call my $120,000 piece of paper hanging on the wall, since I’m working as an admin. while my husband’s career has taken the front line. P.S. Ilona and Gordon, if Brandi ever needs a good admin asst. you know who to call! 😉
My venting right now: I had bariatric surgery in November 2017. I went from 393#, down to now 229#. Last year, in June, I had to have a lumpectomy in my left breast to remove a benign but super rare type of tumor. It was a fairly large tumor, resulting in a golf-ball sized area of tissue to be removed. SO, now I have what looks like someone took an ice cream scoop out of the side of my breast, as well as super bad loose skin, which is causing severe back pain and skin irritation. So, we’ve submitted to insurance for my plastic surgery to see if they’ll cover it. BUT! While our insurance is usually amazing, and set up as a mainly co-pay/high deductible plan, this means that if insurance WILL cover it, I’m still on the hook for $6600. So, we’re paying student loan debt, a mortgage, daycare, as well as other bills, and now trying to scrape together the money for ANOTHER surgery for me. *sigh* Okay. My vent is over now. Thanks for listening. 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear that, Lizz. You’re incredibly strong.. also, healthcare sucks.hard. I hope all goes well for your sugery!
Thanks dear. Hang in their with your parents for now, and you’ll make it! :-*
Hang in there! Illustration is a super tough, sometimes soul crushing industry, but it’s also amazing and fulfilling! I’m a 55 yo illustrator and sometimes it still feels like it’s nothing but struggle. You just do your best and stay true to your dream. I can’t imagine how my just barely adult sons are going to be able to live on their own. Rent is insane! I’m happy to be able to have them home while they do what they need to do. It’s unrealistic to be out on your own at this point given the student debt and the cost of living. You’re not alone and you will get through it. Hugs!
Thank you guys so much! Seriously.
Please don’t feel bad. We have 3 generations in our home. My mom and stepdad, my husband, 2 teens, and myself, my sister, her boyfriend, their toddler, 2 cats, and a dog. My mom and stepdad own 2 businesses and I work for them. I work approximately between 50-60 hours a week, as do my parents. My husband and I have considered moving, but business isn’t great. I make $250 a week, no matter how many hours I work. If I can’t cover enough food sometimes, my parents feed my kids. My husband is disabled, so he is home to support the kids if i can’t be there. We fight between us, especially my sister and I, but we make it work. We work together to keep the businesses afloat, keep the house out of foreclosure and the utilities on, and the children all have many people that love them close at hand. The toddler has an entire house of elders to command and do her bidding, so she benefits well. When my parents become too old to care for themselves, we will work together to care for them. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I am 35, my sister 34. We have each lived on our own, but what is the point in spending $1,000 + a month to live elsewhere when we can help our mother out?
Put your portfolio on behance. You’ll need to schmooze to find out where folks go in your area to find creatives. Here in Denver, there’s AIGA & Denver Egotist & a million meetups. I totally get how hard it can be to network when you’re feeling down. I’m there too. Start with small steps, doing a drink & draw event or hitting gallery openings, anything that will get you around fellow creatives & making more friends. And check out local letterpress groups & rare book collections. They tend to be more open & seriously well-informed on who you need to meet. Good luck!
Every time people use the word creative as a noun, I cringe.
Better days ahead 🙂 *
Where did all the comments go? Hmmmmmm…… There were quite a bit before 6pm. Love your books. They are so wonderful. I am rereading them.
Click older comments. 🙂
Oooh bitch time. My landlord (who is insane, I think) has decided to send out a list of rules. Two pages long, in which they even demand our doors or windows only be open for a certain amount of time. They show up and point out that one of the building’s walls are dirty (from spring melt and a blocked eaves trough), I get dirty looks and a demand that it is cleaned immediately. So apparently I am in charge of keeping the outside of the building clean too.
My cat eats my mother’s day plants that my three year old proudly picked out for me, so I jokingly tell cat that I am going to trade him in for a gerbil. Cat goes missing that night. He’s eight months old and its his first time out of the house. Being a first time cat owner, I freak out. My daughter is standing at the window calling for her kitty all day. So, I wait until everyone is in bed, my husband is sleeping/there for baby. I sneak out at 3 am until sunrise, trespassing into people’s backyards, over fences, under porches with a treat bag calling “Here ollie, ollie!”
Two days later and he answers me with a terrified meow. I take the risk and sneak into a known drug addicts yard to find kitty. No such luck, however, kitty must have followed me home because my husband finds him sleeping on the porch an hour later. Husband gets all the credit for finding him, and later asks why I’m so damn tired lately. Oie vey. Its been an interesting week.
I have the flip side of the land owner/renter issue.
I have a nice house that I listed with a property management company when I moved for a work promotion because I want to move back down there in a few years and live in it again.
My first renters just moved out after a year and they apparently did all they could to destroy my home. Their cat picked at my high grade carpet until he got a lose piece, then the dog apparently played tug of war with it and unraveled it, in 3 rooms. There is orange something, food? on the ceiling and upper walls of the hallway, they broke 2 shelves of the brand new fridge I put in after I moved out and the ice in the door? It had a chicken bone lodged down in the dispenser. The entire fridge needs a hazmat team to take it away from the stench of rotten alligator meat in it. They knocked holes in the wall, destroyed a new closet bi-fold door, tore the hinges out of 2 other doors, burned papers on the floor of the garage, let’s not talk about what they did to the paint job inside that was done before they moved in, etc, etc, etc… Yeah, I don’t want to think about what all else they did. Basically if they could destroy it, they did. Mind you, they were paying $1200 a month in rent and did about $20,000 in damages.
Guess who’s pocket the $ has to come out of? If you said mine, you are right. On top of that the management company is trying to claim a lot of it as “normal wear and tear”. Umm, since when is ripping a high quality kitchen faucet out of the stainless sink mount normal wear and tear?
I just bought a house and was moving last week and while I was trying to pack and move in 2 days I was getting about 40 phone calls a day from the agent and my mother about my house. The agent is a serial liar and my mother was trying to keep the costs down and point out all of the damage done to the house that the agent missed.
My venting!: Oh, I got one. Lived in a house for 9 years with bad landlords (but to be strictly honest, that last year we just gave up on complaining about repairs). Wanted to move and the landlord really wanted us to stay (but probably because they just barely upkept the house…there were trees growing in the gutters because they didn’t do their yearly gutter sweep). Then when we decided to move after much angst (and a sudden rent increase despite repeated assurances that it wasn’t going to!), they sat on our rental history for a week. Then they submitted after the holiday which cut our deposit by 80%. When we went through the moving nightmare (seriously…I could win one of those contests!), we had to extend for 2 days. The last day, she was there with contractors who were literally tearing out things in preparation for painting and carpet replacement and basically a rebuilding of the house.
Then she mentions that there’s a lot of cat hair which was true. I was planning on vacuuming with my awesome vac after most of the furniture was out. Unfortunately, while I was doing last minute tossings into boxes for the movers, she pissed off my mom who literally dragged me out of the house. Oh…and I had to beg for the keys which the landlord asked for the moment we got there since there was still stuff in the house and we couldn’t make it back until 7p.
Turns out there was a lot of things happening I wasn’t aware of until after all was over. It was seriously wild… Still haven’t heard anything about my deposit or move-out report. The previous tenants painted one of the bathroom doors bright orange and she wanted to say the paint cracking was my cat trying to get out of the bathroom. Question: Do people really lock cats in bathrooms?? I once put a dog in one, but never a cat (My cats are scary and know how to open a bathroom door but the bedrooms had different knobs!).
just finished 3 long days of jury duty. I was one of two dissenters. It was not fun. On top of that I had a nasty cold though out the miserable 3 days. was alsso told I may have to serve again next week.
Huh. In my county, if you’re called, then you’re exempt for the next 3 years, even if you weren’t even seated on a jury. I was called in, but sent home before we even went into court because the witness never showed. Apparently I can still be called for state level, but not county.
I have been called three times in 3 years. No waiver for my county!
I love my work but last week and this week have been a struggle to get through. The nagging headache and fatigue have not helped things. I told my coworker that my only motivation (besides having bills to pay) for going in tomorrow is the chicharon burrito we pre-ordered for breakfast. She’s threatened to eat it all if I’m not in by 0730.
I love my husband but seriously we have three kids. 2, 4.5 and 8. I’m in the middle of cooking dinner, preparing for a dr’s visit to figure out mysterious debilitating knee pain and two yr old decided she has to poop on the potty. I ask him to wipe her butt…. he looks confused and said but there are no wipes downstairs…. and then says “I love these random jobs you give me when I’m in the middle of something else”. No kidding. I was very adult and isn’t smack him in the back of the head. But still.
My husband is like that also (married 32 years now). My husband never changed. I once asked him to go with our son to an important meeting at 8:30 AM and his excuse was he had to work. I asked when he was going in, and it was 2:40 PM.
I know that this is all about venting – but these couple posts make me so glad my husband is just the way he is (medical conditions and all). He is a wonderful dad and husband – and never has pulled that with our kids. Unfortunately on the venting side he is in the later stages of MS and it makes me so frustrated that I can’t really help him and the guys at my work just don’t understand why he doesn’t work. Actually even my grandmother makes snide comments about it.
I work retail so after being out for 5 1/2 mos going through chemo the only opening was part time in hardware. Worked garden center fulltime for over 11 yrs. So now learning new department. Customer was unhappy with me today. He couldn’t tell me what he was looking for and I refused to type his description in the computer. Told him I needed more info besides “male parts”.
Oh wow. There are just too many ways that could go.
I want to be published already. Because of all kinds of life issues mostly involving money. I don’t expect riches. But I do need to get to published so that when I need to get a minimum wage job I at least have books out there.
Who are you querying?
Thank you for asking. I’m not yet because I am aiming for the best prose and story I can before I reach that point. Life (4 kids, between 16 and 6 and a husband who works hard to support the family but still we are just above poverty and doesn’t get how much time it takes to get published and therefor doesn’t support my projects in other ways (housework – when he’s the one bothered by mess for instance)), money, resources, time, and sometimes my own brain get in the way.
Our saga is as follows, in rambling sentence form; 2017 saw us struck by 2 different drivers, 3 1/2 months apart, the 1st totaled our/my-inheritance-paid-for car, the 2nd, Just as I(the passenger-whipped-around) was Starting to see improvement from the 1st, resulting in my hands going numb frequently daily, but the NP In the neurologist’s office Can’t possibly see that the 2 crashes caused the repeated trauma-stenosis-type issue of the nerves to my hands, AS crash-result, never mind that I’d Never had That as a problem Ever Before The 2nd crash(had other issues w/hands-body due to degenerative joint disease/OA diagnosed age 24(loose & damaged joints); my job of over 23 years as a massage therapist, died with chiropractor that I worked with, downsizing office,with no room for me to move with them(they even had to sell some equipment to fit) due to supposedly ‘improving economy’. Husband lost job due to company sold just after a surgery approved for on-the-job injury(WC), but before said surgery was to take place, that the new owners Canceled the afternoon before,date, that the doctors’ restrictions kept him from being able to perform the ‘designated’ full body job, instead of any number of jobs he Could do with his restrictions, that his supervisor Refused to acknowledge that husband was trained in, due to Records Purged when company changed hands. I’m waiting for car cases to clear, before looking for new job, most certainly having to endure the remaining life with hand issue, when body not lined up just right, husband having his Bad Faith case being dragged out by the nasty company people who were told by 2 judges, that they FUBARed in how they handled his injury-surgery-firing, going on 3 1/2 years now. I’m on Medicaid, hubby on Medicare now, and about every 3-4 months something gets messed up in our assistance, sometimes because of my pay schedule Was Quarterly, not weekly or monthly, and they thought there was more money than there was, coming in, Several times, and just this past week, hubby ‘supposedly’ has Unreported Property that ‘someone claims’ he’s got- “we need to see the last 2 months of your bank statements”. Thank God I got chickens with the last of my inheritance and that hubby can afford(just) to get them and our other pets food and all other costs on his disability pay, and that chicken scraps can be gotten for free, with an additional (tiny)purchase, some of those scraps are human-edible with extensive cleaning( the potatoes that chicken can’t have); we’ve lost weight, but we humans need to any way, so we aren’t starving, but less than $100 a month for food is a bit tight, when husband isn’t fond of repeat meals in a row, of canned fish & crackers, fresh eggs, potatoes, and the like…! We just have to hold on until settlements come in; within the next year for mine, possibly another 2 years for his. Pant, pant, pant. This is our last 2 years or so! We ‘feel’ you all’s pain. Love & prayers for us all on tap!
Debbie B, I developed carpal tunnel, trigger thumbs, and fibromyalgia as direct results of a car accident. I was able to manage and even improve the carpal tunnel syndrome with B vitamins and a good chiropractor to the point where 6 months later I didn’t need surgery. I hope you can find something that works for you, and that the rest of your troubles resolve soon.
The Chiro who I worked with for over 23 years, treated us, but wasn’t able to resolve the numb hands issue; she thinks I may have to consider surgery. The most recent MRI revealed the stenosis type condition, where the orifices that the nerves enervate from my spine have significant narrowing, and being an individual who doesn’t exhibit normally, not experiencing Pain along the nerves, but the numbness at the end point (when my lumbar disc issues presented, it was that there wasn’t pain at the spine or along the nerves, but in my foot/feet, when there’s a Shift of disc). I’ll try going back to the Bs again, as if using anti-inflammatories, bleeding arises within 3 weeks, even on low doses. Have allergic reactions to aspirin & turmeric, and avoid Tylenol(may have come close to toxing out my liver years ago). Thanks for reminding me of the Bs.
Have your chiropractor check range of motion in your hip joints and that they are properly in position. I had the symptoms you describe and after 5 years of misery and 2 surgeries a physical therapist I was seeing on an unrelated issue realized my hip was slightly out of place. It tilted my pelvis which put pressure on my low back and pinched the nerves causing pain and numbness in my lower leg. He popped it back in place and I had immediate improvement. Still have to periodically pop it into place myself but more rarely as my muscles recover. Will always have some issues due to it going untreated so long but I am starting to get my life back!
She did, was always working that. My 1st MRI, was b/c I’d experienced a stone-in-my-shoe pain, she checked it, X ray, podiatrist referred to (sadistic) neurologist, who ordered the MRI of my low back; showed 3-4 discs compromised. Some years later sever back spasm had me in the ER/hospital for 30 hrs, with another MRI, showing almost the rest also in same state.(but not the slipped disc or nerve pinch that started the spasm, which seemed to resolve w/i 14 hrs). Some family history of bad backs. I use a cane & be much more careful, when not in my own yard. I just need that ‘new body’ as promised by The Savior, ha, ha, ha.
Wow. Waaay rough. 100mo for food is crazy hard! Eat rice and beans together and they make a complete protein (the bag costs up front but it really good far). We buy the dried refried beans from the cannery (https://store.lds.org/usa/en/store-locator) because it’s like $6 for the can and we can get like 10 meals for a family of 5 out of them. Milk goes far nutritionally, (Target used still it for 1.99 gallon – the only reason I ever went Target) and helps fill in the gaps appetite and nutrition wise. Get whole. Scrambled eggs on rice works, we lived on that for a few years. I don’t know why I didn’t search out food pantries at the time.
The hand numbness can come from a pinched nerve in the shoulder too! Maybe therapies for that will help 🙂
Y’all have your hands full! Know we’re rooting for you
Neither of us can eat beans; running to the restroom frequently, just not worth it, hence the canned fish. He’s on diabetes meds, so have to be prudent with carbs. We have had ramen packs with the eggs, but cheap milk (CAFO) & I cramp-up, so it’s an organic markdown treat, that happens once in a while(canned fish-bones). Once in a while he’ll eat some of the lentils I pick up & soak, and cook. I have food intolerances, but haven’t an issue of ‘repeat meals’, but he’s much pickier about that. My favorite thing is when the organic scraps bags include damaged potatoes, that I haven’t any issue cutting out/off, up to 1/2 if need be, as it turned out to be potassium, with a tiny bit of protein & fat, to reduce migraines(1 a day potatoes, LOL).
Medicaid approved of some PT, so completed that, and have better posture, though had some of the Evil Positioning figured out already. We’re scrapping by; just holding out for the settlements; Thanks for & return the prayers for all! : )
FWIW, especially when you find yourself with a complicated situation, and you aren’t getting any traction dealing with a neurologist, often the right medical specialty to see is PM&R (Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation, aka Physiatry) – their whole thing is sorting out this kind of complicated long term injury, especially spine injury, and making sure that you’re seeing the right folks, that you move on to something different if it’s not working, and that everyone is communicating and on the same page.
Often Chiropractic care isn’t enough – but surgery may or may not be the way to go? (Eventually I did have to get spine surgery, but I was on the point of having the vertebrae on either side of a deflated disc crush the spinal nerves at that level. It was that or loose a lot of use of my arms!) OTOH, I went from “You must accept that you will never have an active life again,” to being pretty much able to do whatever I want, and for a lot time, conservative care was enough. (…and then I was hit. Again.) I mean, yeah, I get migraines, sometimes, and a lot of my exercise is pretty non-optional? I came out unusually well, but a lot of that was finding the right people to work with, too. (…and yes, this is a big piece of why my doctorate is in Neurobio and I teach Neuroanatomy, not the other way around.)
(I’d be happy to chat if you’d like about navigating the medical system around these issues. It’s stupidly complicated sometimes, and seriously, you shouldn’t need a PhD to get decent care! And I consult sometimes on long term complex spine issues, though I am not a clinician, I am a researcher.)
It’s the Medicaid system and getting short-circuited every few months(so it seems, to me) by ‘suspected or misunderstandings’ of our situation. The lawyer office tried to have an outside outfit work on this and it devolved into, “need carpel tunnel surgery on right wrist, injections the left”; No One way Listening when I was telling & demonstrating to them, that hands Did Not Go Numb when performing bending of wrists, that while had carpel tunnel from unusual method, Never, Ever was ‘numbness’ part of it Before 2nd car crash. Took nearly a year for anyone to Hear me & understand, get the 2nd MRI, to Prove The Heart of the Issue. Surgery is The Very LAST thing I desire, nor do I want ‘drugs’; they make me feel Terrible, Awful( You all Know how Colorado IS now, bleck, skunky smelling & nauseating). There’s also a family issue from mom’s side of family, that put us on guard for narcotics, some of which are adverse reactions, inactivity, and the like(we not be normal peeps). If it’s taken so long to get acknowledged for the stenosis type issue, with only until next March/April to get adequate Resolution, *sigh*, what else? Don’t know that ‘the system’ would take in a Physio. and think that they don’t have many here. Ideas?
Today we are extremely poor that is the problem, we don’t have jobs only some work seasonal, have a toddler and going to college(here’s at least free or inexpensive really, only money for transport and copies needed) . So everything I acomplish is by taking the extra hard road.
So you gotta take the little wins, today I had to use the pop manual Riveter, “why there are two?” husband explains that he and his friend tried to fix ours, couldnt, and then said friend brought his but it didnt work. Both had stems stucks in the gun (english not my 1st lang. Sorry) so I disasembled yhe thing and he said “Oh no, we were like an hour with two screwdrivers to assemble it” it took me 5 mins and did the friend too. When I went and riveted the first one… I really felt like betty the riveter lol even wore a bandana unintentionally.
I beat two guys that were working in a cooperative way, so yay!
Ilona and Gordon thank you for writing. Rose life experience in the Edge makes me cry of happines (representativity yay, I have a toddler) and those moments in Kate asomeness in wich she is deadly capable are the best memories of the book, because In real life I fantasize about a less burocheatic life or more direct.
Like that doctor pedophile in the child’s hospital last week, stop babbling here’s a dagger to your neck worm.
Returning to topic, I love those violent-funny abrupt moments in your books, like the Iconic Indiana Jones moment in wich he shoots the swordman.
I often think in other books “this need more stabbing” as in get to the point. Stab stab.
Stab and out.
There’s a t-shirt in that — “this need more stabbing”
Tomorrow might be my last day of work for a company I’ve worked at for almost 33 years. There’s been a market downturn so yeah, if it happens I won’t be happy
Good luck tomorrow! ?
Praying for all to see better quickly!
Would love to vent but seriously doubt I would be able to stop if I begin at all.
I might do it later if the thread lasts long enough.
I always feel that my problems are not as bad as other people’s so I should just be grateful and suck it up better. A lot of— “There but for the Grace of God…” going on in my head all the time.
Thanks for the opportunity, though.
I hope that your frustrations with the business end of your writing eases up. You and your husband are too talented for all that BS.
And I sincerely hope that other posters’ problems find a good resolution sooner rather than later.
Yes, it could always be worse, but you know what? Your set of problems and difficulties are unique in your current circumstances, and no one can gauge the level of anguish you’re experiencing or entitled to expect you and those who are in the situation with you. Sending hugs your way, hope that helps and that things start looking up for you.
What Verslint had. We tend to minimize our problems when comparing them with others’ but for us, our problems are huge and no less worrisome.
Thanks so much.
You both are making me cry. Even though I didn’t spell it out , knowing that there are people out there willing to listen and sending out hugs is making me teary eyed.
Hugs right back and thanks for seeing below the surface and understanding.
1. We found out that our A.C. is going bad in the house we have had for a year. The first guy out wouldn’t listen to me when I said I didn’t want to talk about the most expensive one, and just talked louder over me. Trying two more companies the next few days. Did I mention I live in Houston?
2. I have worked my ass off the last seven years becoming an expert in my work at my agency. I have earned many awards and the highest ratings. Yet, when I asked for a transfer to a different office, I was told that due to our agreements with unions, I would be forced to learn a new topic of work. Nevermind that the section I work on has the some if the most work requested and we are seriously understaffed, nevermind that it’s 2019 and location pretty much doesn’t matter anymore, and we are scattered over 5 offices anyways – if I transfer, I have to start all over again and my agency looses out on my knowledge and experience, unnecessarily. Now I am reconsidering my entire career.
3. A former teammate of mine died in a plane crash, in Alaska. She was only 31. She was an amazing person- an epidemiologist, a dancer, a black belt. Her mom had to fly from California to Alaska to gather her things. I keep vacillating between crying for my teammate and all she missed in life, to crying for her parents and the harder life they have ahead, knowing they won’t have any more Mothers Days or Fathers Days with their little girl who loved them.
I am so sorry.
Thank you. Sorry that the biz makes things difficult.
I’m so sorry. My husband works in aviation, and we live in Alaska. Since Alaska depends so much on aviation, any loss of life is a terrible tragedy for us. So sorry about your friend!
I’m not being bitchy today. My 18 year old, who has really struggled in school and in dealing with crippling anxiety and other mental health issues finished a culinary arts certificate last week.
He was freaking out about what he was going to do… We were in Walmart on Tuesday and I asked a friend who works there when the open interview was. He said “Now” and a manager teleported up and dragged the kid off for an interview before he had time to worry about it. He was called back for another interview this morning and that went very well too.
But he wasn’t sure he wanted to work at Walmart. I’d heard that a new restaurant was opening up so we stopped there on the way home.
He got an immediate interview with the owner, who is very happy to have someone with his training apply, she hired him on the spot, he starts next Thursday. He’s so excited… He’ll be doing what he loves and with someone who understands what he can do and is willing to fill in the gaps from school… He’ll be helping develop a new menu, they’ve already talked about recipes and flavor profiles…
He doesn’t know how much he’s going to make, or how many hours he’s going to work… And truthfully I think he’s so excited, he’d work for free…
When we got home, he said “wow. That was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.”
I thought “yeah, me too.
I’m hoping this continues to be, as his teacher said “his thing” and that he just shines at it.
So I’m not bitching today.
CONGRATS to you both!!!
I’m so happy for you guys! Congrats!
Congratulations to your son! Congratulations to you for supporting him. What a way to start the weekend.
That’s so wonderful! Congratulations 🙂
Congratulations to you and your son!!! Interviewing is so hard! This is wonderful!
I think we need to reintroduce this thread at least yearly. Hopefully venting helps some of the people who have posted.
For me, personally, I’m knocking on every piece of wood I walk past, because my life might be relatively boring, but I will take it over some of the troubles some of you have posted.
This is for you guys. (My favorite cartoon. Courtesy Reddit via Google images.)
Oh, I love that cartoon!
+1 and the one about sexuality.
LOVE IT!
Working retail, they moved inventory from December (normal) to June with a months’ notice, so now we all have to work overtime to do inventory prep, except there are no extra hours allocated, so they are replacing our overtime hours with our sick leave hours which don’t count against the payroll hours allotment, so they are using up our sick hours and gyping us out of our overtime 🙁
Pretty sure you can report them for that. If you’re in the U.S. anyway.
I agree with Tink. If you’re in the U.S., labor laws prohibit not being paid for overtime. Doesn’t matter that the company didn’t plan for it. They have to pay and not take it out of your sick leave. Otherwise the company is actually getting “free labor”.
If you’re salaried (meaning you don’t put in time at a time clock and still get paid), you do not get overtime since you are paid regardless of the amount of time you work.
That really sucks! Retail work is hellish and it’s even worse when management screws you over. You should absolutely check up to make sure they’re not getting away with something illegal.
Also, in case you didn’t know (as I didn’t until relatively recently) to “gyp” someone out of something is a racial slur – it is referring to Romany (gypsies).
Did not know that. Learn something everyday. I thought it had to do with gypsum, the mineral. I will not be using that term anymore.
Even in a job you might otherwise be passionate and love, there are always certain tasks, or days when you just want to scream and go throttle something.
My way to deal with stress: play with my cats. >^.^<
—
Today, I had to go pick up a custom fine art photography order from the printer… 5 minutes away from the house I went to brake and my shoes (flip flops) tore.
It took me 2 years to find a pair that fit me last time. I only wear them for real quick errands that involve little walking, or trips to get a pedicure. ? (Wide foot, narrow heel, high instep makes it really hard to find shoes, even flip flops, that fit and are comfortable).
So I turn around to head back to the house to get a different pair of shoes, only to find that someone's landscapers are blocking my driveway, so I have to walk across hot pavement on one barefoot for half a block.
I switch to new shoes, resume my errands.
I get there, open the print order at the place , and it seems fine. I made the mistake of NOT removing it from the plastic clear poly bag.
I get out my paint pen so I can sign the piece. It broke in my hand and paint went everywhere all over me, the carpet… the furniture… so I had to be a crazy tasmanian devil of speedy scrubbing. Luckily I got it all up.
After the cleaning spree, I crack out another paint pen, nd then remove the piece to be signed from packaging, only to discover the corner was cracked (it's an aluminum print), and they're saying it was me, not them, so they won't replace it. Yes, I took it up the management chain too. ?
So now I have to reprint it for my customer, and those costs eat up most of my profit I had in the piece. ?
—
Back when I worked in the traditional corporate employment structure…
—-
I was in a meeting once, when my boss at the time comes storming in shaking a piece of paper at me chewing me out for him not seeing it before, what did he tell us about wanting to see the entire campaign at once!
I held up my hand, indicating give me a minute, turned to my desk, and pulled out a stack of paper, including a specific piece of poster sized paper (that I had folded to fit in the stack which showed the campaign). I pointed "that's your signature, yes?" ?
He stormed out, never once apologizing for interrupting my meeting, for yelling at me, etc. ?
—
He also kept bringing up an error that made it onto final packaging, when it wasn't my fault. We had internal processes and sign-offs required from multiple departments. Inventory wanted to save some money and decided to change some of our catalog packaging, so they contacted the graphic art department directly and asked for them to resize for new packaging configuration. Per our processes I and other stakeholders should have known that was happening (just being copied on it). Once the changes were made, it should have per internal processes circulated among a variety of internal stakeholders including quality control, the copywriter, etc., for review, proofing and sign-off. It didn't. So when there was a typo (unfortunately of the Title on the product spine), for two years that kept getting harped on me. I'm not a mind reader, how can I be held accountable when processes weren't FOLLOWED.
If it was my mistake I would have owned up to it, but nothing infuriates me more than being blamed, repeatedly, for something that wasn't my fault. The folks that messed up had responsibly taken ownership of it too. So why this stuck in the supervisor's mind wrong, I'll never know. But for 2 years he'd randomly bring it up in meetings. ?
—
Under a different supervisor I was leaving for 2 weeks of vacation to Europe, something I had requested more than a year and a half in advance. Now the original supervisor that approved it left the company, and when I was given my new supervisor I made sure to inform them of that impending approved break (which was still months away). I worked extra hours (and I was salaried so it's not like I got overtime) for the weeks leading up to said trip so everything would be smooth in my absence, with detailed notes so either the team member that reported to me, my own supervisor, or my colleague in a parallel position to me could pick up the ground running if anything happened while I was out. The day before I leave my supervisor of the time says you really shouldn't take a vacation right now, can't you cancel it? ?
Hi, I have a horrible time finding good shoes due to several foot and knee problems (I didn’t know until I was 40 that your feet aren’t supposed to hurt after standing in line for 5 minutes, I thought it was normal)
http://www.healthyfeetstore.com is a life saver. Expensive but high quality and they last for years.
@Kate – thanjs for thr recommendation, alas I’ve tried them before and they just dont fit my feet. 🙁
https://www.hotter.com/us/en/viewallwomens
I buy Drew shoes only. Just got two more pairs from their clearance page. They have extra room for orthotics etc… Pricy, so I haunt the clearance page on their site. Drewshoe.com.
I hear your pain. I inherited my fathers feet. Extra Wide, narrow heels, high arches etc. Some days I want to dig him up and give them back. I get orthotics for about $600 a pair. Thank God they last for years.
My vetch is about folks who have indoor outdoor kitties and don’t microchip them. The cat goes missing, and they wait almost a month to start looking because their cat stayed away for two weeks once and came back that time. The cat got live trapped by the ladie’s neighbor, was held the legal week, and got adopted by a family. Legally she can’t get her cat back, but if she gives da out who live trapped her cat, she can sue him for unlawful loss if her property and for damages. The cat was bothering his indoor cats. Instead of speaking to his neighbor like a decent person, he got rid of her cat. Both of those folks are idiots. No chip and no common sense or decency between them. I hope the cat is loved and cared for. I know this because I remembered seeing where the cat was posted as being “found”. She posted asking if anyone has seen the cat or perhaps adopted it. I messaged her to call the cat person for our County for info. The cat person is a FB friend and did the detective work and is beside herself. People can be the best or suck eggs.
We have gone through a bad time recently in our family – a series of disastrous events, but right now things are fairly smooth. I am so grateful for this break, but have learned not to take my blessings for granted. God bless us all peace and strength.
I don’t watch Game of Thrones, but this was kinda funny. Your picture made me think of it.
Probably a spoiler alert. I don’t really know, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Watch at your own risk.
Game of Thrones Season 8 – Fans Put AC / DC Music on Episode 5 Shocking Scene | Matzav Review
https://www.google.com/amp/s/matzavreview.com/2019/05/14/game-of-thrones-season-8-fans-put-ac-dc-music-on-episode-5-shocking-scene/amp/
I got laid off last Wednesday. Upside: I was looking for a new job anyway. And since I’m not stressing out over managing the crazy workload, the wicked heartburn I’ve been battling since January (that made me give up caffeine, alcohol AND CHOCOLATE), has finally started slacking off. Guess it’s not peri-menopause after all.
Car (11-year-old Prius) has been in the shop since Monday with some kind of internal fuel leak. Upside: the dealership gave me a loaner – a brand-new Rav4.
Husband’s company is offering buy-outs, with layoffs possibly to follow. No upside. If he loses his job too, things start getting dire. Fingers crossed!
Ah yes, peri-menopause, when you can have acne AND arthritis at the same time (my 45th birthday present from Mother Nature…!!). Also, there are those days when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse look like fun party buddies – “hey boys, up for a few brews?”, and other days when you just feel like yourself. Bad Theme Park ride, but eventually it gets better.
Yes, peri-menopause and menopause . . . One week of crying, one normal week, one week of sooooo mean and nasty my husband and kid froze when I walked into the door in the hopes I wouldn’t see them and make them miserable, and the last week saved my marriage because I basically locked my husband in the bed room ??. The three years it took to normalize did nothing for my job performance and I am sure I lost at least 2 opportunities to move up. Both husband and child forgave me (they are both pretty classy !)
Good thoughts and hopes and prayers to everyone out there. May all the bad things be followed by good, with a dash of fun and kindness.
I’m glad this particular thread frustration, anger and helplessness is here right in our face. It serves a purpose and Ilona Andrews is large enough and smart enough to carry it off. Bravo, Bravo and again Bravo.
Most of us have those feelings, and this is a great release valve for those things that are tearing our guts apart. One commenter felt it began in the U.S. in the 1960s. Sociologically that’s when we knowingly began emerging from an Industrial Society and entered the beginning of a Knowledge Based Society. There were and still are no text books or user manuals to assist in that evolution.
Just like the evolution from an Agrarian Society to an Industrial Society there are many social outcasts. We have not been able to take care of them humanely. The outcasts from the Agrarian Age were young children, single women and inefficient farmers. It was documented in Great Britain and in the United States. And that is being proven again and again in Mexico, other parts of Latin America and the world.
Most of my working life has been in Federal Government. I have worked in not-for-profits and I have labored in, managed and owned for profit businesses. The attitude of “your ass is grass and I’m lawnmower” is rampant across the board.
The only legal way to change things that are wrong is to bring them to light through proper channels. Yes, someone squealing will get hung. There is still fiduciary liability. You can not use funds meant for one thing to pay for another. In government and not-for-profits. Those funds are stovepiped into a specific fund and cannot, without proper authority, be used for anything else. If there are no funds in a specific wage account, there won’t be any raises or new hires. While in the office down the hall they are hiring, giving bonuses and raises. That comes from a different funded account.
What can you do. Vote, write and vote again.
I’m going to vent for my mom b/c as a college student with free time I come to help her (because the school wont pay min wage for a part time helper) and hear the type of BS she has to deal with:
Being an elementary school teacher at a low income school in the worst paid district in the area is hard enough. On top of that, any ‘problem’ children are taken out of the higher income nicer schools and placed in her school because “there’s no room” in said other schools. Yet when the middle/upper income and/or ‘unproblematic’ children’s parents pull their kids from our school, suddenly theres room at any of the other schools. On top of that, because YEARS ago on the last year of state testing the school got bad scores, they have to send a letter out each year stating they got bad grades. On a test. Over a decade ago. With no option to prove any success.
But lets look at the ‘right now’ politics occurring. My mom is blessed with an ability to solve human social problems. People will wait outside her room (the media center, she’s the school librarian/computer teacher) to talk to her about their problems. I’ve been stopped in the hall to be told that my mom’s advice is life changing.
My mom is also desperately trying to avoid the drama of the cluster-fuck that is their new(ish) principal. This man is the epitome of white male privilege man-child. He truly, TRULY does his best to never do anything a principal is required to do. They tell him he needs to deal with a parent unwilling to accept a child’s consequence. He disappears. He’ll be gone until someone finds him and WALKS HIM TO HIS OFFICE. Because if you don’t walk him, he disappears again.
On top of that, he is genuinely unaware of some of the racist or sexist crap that he’ll say off hand about other teachers or even students.
So the teachers tell the union leaders, after two years, dude’s got to go.
Union leaders say fine, here is what we can do so he will be gone after the school year.
Teachers say cool.
Teachers talk to each other again and rile themselves up so suddenly theres a call of no confidence. Keep in mind, this vote? Just tells the principal they don’t like him, NOT that he is fired.
He loses the vote of confidence. He insists he is staying. Then theres a meeting where teachers get to tell him why they don’t like him.
In the background, FYI, my mom and I are just desperately cataloging books so that we can make a last minute book order before the PTA budget is closed. I mention this because my mom has enough clout with other teachers, that if just one of them had bothered to bring up these plans to her she would’ve been able to shut it down with a kind but firm “WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF ARE YOU THINKING?”
So. Next day principal announces over loud speaker. During class. At an elementary school. That he is resigning. Because lets drag the children into this.
The vice principal, who every one actually likes excluding the fact that he seems to follow whatever the principal says, also resigns.
Principal also starts refusing to make any room assignments or class assignments for the next year because “I’m not going to be here. I don’t want to make anyone mad.”
Speed up, some members at the PTA are mad at one of the loudest objectors, she then finds out through the grape vine that apparently when asked why he was resigning, the principal and vice principal told them some mean teachers were making them leave.
So a straight up war is brewing, my mom, being the mother dragon that she is, is rousing herself from her librarian cave to go knock some sense into folks before too many bridges are burnt. Which is going to put us a day behind on cataloging and inventory…ing?… the library.
I’m 34 VFW with a dagree in business management work for a company that handled P&G and Kraft products while at school. After Graduation my area was terminated and even with 5years experience and a dagree couldn’t find a job. Live with parents. Became a welder and haven’t even bothered dating in 5 years. Listen to your books repeatedly and was wondering what a conversation between Era, her Grace, The Duchess, and Victoria would sound like???
There is so much call for welding right now! Are you looking at taking it in any particular direction?
Have you checked Texas? I’ve heard there are jobs there.
On an unrelated side note @Ilona – with the DDay aniiversary some great stories have been circulating, including this one abut a British Spy who hid intelligence in her knitting.
Between the author BIO you and @Gordon have, and your love of knitting, and your great action stories, this completely made me think of you. Maybe reading it will be a nice diversion from whatever work related frustrations ail you at the moment?
https://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=25020&fbclid=IwAR0II9MCmPhpmCLI1UF9nm7H1x4P5DBz_TisslNN1phfdFEKVselavHtocU
Amazing read, thanks!
I had to see a neurologist in the morning. I’ve been having trouble sleeping, on and off, couldn’t figure out why until I noticed (and that took me a while) that during the bad weeks, my legs would be twitching all evening, recently starting in the afternoon already. I’m talking years, right, years of being told “it’s just stress”. But if it’s just stress, how come it gets better if I take ibuprofen before going to bed? Anyway, around six months ago it finally clicked that if my legs were doing that while I’m awake, they might be doing that while I’m asleep. Short google later, there turns out to be something called PLMD, or periodic limb movement disorder. I tick all the boxes, so went to the gp, got sent to the neurologist.
Now here’s the fun part.
In the English speaking world, restless legs syndrome and PLMD exist separately. Where I live, they call it all restless legs syndrome.
So because I have symptoms of the one, but not the other, he assumed I didn’t know what I was talking about and I was just overworked and therefore not sleeping.
I told him I knew the difference: I’ve had a burn out once, I can tell.
At which point I could basically see the shutters go up and him writing me off as a hysterical female. He then patronisingly explained that such events can really mess up your sleeping pattern, started harping on about postnatal depression (which I didn’t have!) and basically told me it was all stress.
I got so mad I couldn’t think straight and I let the conversation get away from me.
I’m still getting the follow up sleep test, but I’m now very worried he’s not going to take any outcome very seriously.
Dammit.
I feel like a fraud, even though I know I’m not making it up!
((Hugs)) Anytime there’s a hard to diagnose condition, it can make a person feel like it’s “all in their head”. It may be hard to find (hopefully not cost prohibitive), but try to find a better doctor that will actually listen to what you have to say before deciding you’re fine. Maybe you can find a support board with doctor recommendations in your area for your particular condition? Hang in there! ((Hugs))
Thank you!!!
You’re welcome. ?
I have determined woman doctors are much more likely to listen to me and BELIEVE me than men will. These days that’s the first thing I look for.
And this reminds me that I need to remember this when I look for a new dentist. Found out yesterday my current dentist messed up my tooth when he botched a root canal back in 2013 and the endodontist he sent me to says the tooth can’t be saved. So now I’ve got a tooth extraction to schedule.
I once had a Neurologist tell me “ you don’t have MS so go live your life and don’t worry about it”. Fortunately I sought a second opinion. Now I have a great Neuro who listens and has helped me so so much. Keep up the search for your great Dr.
I once had an OT tell me within 5min of meeting me that I hadn’t been injured (okaaaay… concrete event here) and it was all in my head because I told her that what helped my spastic muscle injury was trigger point release. Uh huuuuh… I’m not here asking you to hurt me just for fun. I’ve realized that some people won’t reconsider an opinion, wind or not, and it’s best to just move on, leave them behind, and get someone better. Let them be wrong, move on, and get good help elsewhere instead of letting that one get to you. I went somewhere else and got great care 🙂 So glad. Better now. When that’s hard for me to do I can think of someone I know; in situations like this he just pauses than says “Piss on ’em”, withdrawing his ‘give a care’ about their opinion. They had one moment and he’s not wasting another caring. And you can tell that’s really where he is. It’s a little crass but sometimes it helps me to know how to move on and fell better when I think of it. Don’t waste your worry on it, even if at the time you thought the person would have benefitted from a good solid kick in the behind. 🙂
So… for whatever weird reasons of perceived prestige inside of the the medical professional, Neurology is a relatively uncompetitive field. Yes, it’s incredibly important, and takes a lot of technical expertise. But it’s easier to get into than many, which means that while there are amazing Neurologists who went into the field because it’s wicked cool, it attracts more that its share of mediocre physicians who went into it because it’s what they could get into, and really shouldn’t be trusted with the care of a parakeet. (<=okay, yes editorializing some, but reasons.)
Back during the worst of spine injury version one, I met with a neurologist who spoke with me for five minutes, looked at my chart (but not at me), told me to loose a quantity of weight that would have put me thirty pounds below my lean body mass, told me there was nothing neurologically wrong with me* and that I was suffering from PTSD.** Bam, appointment over. I marched out of the appointment with my head high, made it back to my jeep… and then sat in the parking lot and cried. (And then a few days later met my first PM&R doc, and several years into this injury adventure, started actually to make headway. This was back when I was still in software.
It wasn't until I started working with the medical school that I got dirt on why so many people I knew had similar experiences.
Look, at least in the US, our medical system is horrible and abusive more often than not, and we really need to have patient advocates of some kind because it's nuts to expect people who are already sick and in pain to do if for themselves. Sometimes, you get lucky. There are wonderful individuals, even if the system is whack. Sometimes you have friends or family who can help you through it. But it's the system that's broken not you. I'm so sorry!
* In fact, there was an annular tear in one of my discs that was leaking goop from the nucleus pulposa, causing both major chemical irritation to the nerves and collapse of the disc.
** Not a firm no, oh, my family, but it had been pretty well dealt with years before, and he had neither the information on which to base that, no was he qualified to make that diagnosis.
Try to find a better doctor. I hope you are not in the U.S., where the health system/network nonsense is insane.
Thanks everyone! I have had the same advice from multiple people, to find another neurologist (not in the US by the way, I’m in Europe, don’t know if that makes it better or worse for the quality of doctors working in Neurology but at least it won’t bankrupt me trying to find out), but I worry it would count against me and I’d end up not being believed at all simply because obviously I don’t want “to hear the truth” or something…? I think I’ll take door number two and go back to my GP first, they might be able to advise me on the best course of action. In the meantime, the sleeping test has been planned. That, at least, went right. But so has the follow up meeting with the same doctor (they just send you a letter telling you when your appointment is, and you only call them if you can’t make that time). So I’d better figure out how to go from here pretty quickly.
You can always get a 2nd opinion. I fired one orthopedic guy, called my ins company to ask about seeing an alternate practitioner. They said its fine. My doc referred me to someone else. He did take useful x rays, but what came out of his mouth was just weird about how I had been sent there because they wanted HIS opinion. I was sent there because I know I have problems. I asked to see an ortho. I have a medical background. I got a lecture on showing proper respect. Former surgeon, so I guess he is used to dealing with the comatose.
Well. I’ve had my share of work frustrations recently. But I’m still riding positive feelings from a dream I had earlier this week.
7 1/2 years ago my beloved older brother died, at the age of 46. On Monday morning I woke up from a dream which was typical in its ludicrous dream details- the kind that seem completely reasonable while dreaming. But what stayed with me the most is that my brother was in this dream. I got to spend time talking and laughing with him, not sick or talking about his illness (he had cancer for 13 years total, with 5 years of remission in the middle), but him being his amazing lovable self. I don’t even remember what we talked about in this dream, I just woke up happy that I had a chance to speak with him again.
It reinforced my belief that we carry our loved ones with us in our hearts, always. And that’s enough to balance out the work stress I’ve had this week.
I am so happy for you LucyQ, that you had this wonderful dream of time with your brother, that was enjoyable and I encumbered with thoughts or talk of illness. I am happy for you also because of your excellent attitude in balancing out your stress, and in realizing (unfortunately many “intelligent” people fail to) that we carry our loved ones, in our thoughts and hearts. I am so sorry for all the frustrations, and horrible situations and occurrences that so many of us are experiencing!! I truly hope that we all find something to help balance out the stresses like you did!! ?. I hope you have many more great dreams of your brother!!
Oops! I meant “unencumbered”, and autocorrupt turned it into “I encumbered” for some reason!
Apologies for not catching it until after posting.
So last week I was pissed on from a dizzy height by the boss about stuff he told me to do that I did and he then promptly forgot about. That was Thursday. Friday the daycare called, I must please come get my 2y/o and take him to the doctor because he has a fever of 39.5 degrees Celsius (103 fahrenheit). On a Friday. At 3 in the afternoon. Oy.
Needless to say, I drop everything, call the boss, call the doctor (no appointments available, what a surprise), make an appointment for the next day,call my husband, fetch my son and spend the next 16 hours artificially bringing down his temperature and making sure it stays down. Wheee!
Needless to say, we sleep through his first appointment in the morning and my husband manages to squeeze us in just before they close. They prescribe antibiotics. I *loathe* antibiotics. And to put the cherry on the top, they prescribe antibiotics with clavulanic acid in it… Which my son cannot take without becoming violently ill. Oy.
Can’t call to change the prescription because they’re gone for the day.
Can’t get the chemist to exchange it for a similar strand with different ingredients, because liability clauses etc.
Fine.
Go home, get his fever to maintain a healthy level (though still a bit on the high end) and remember I left all the stuff the boss asked me to file for Friday morning on my desk after organising it, because I still wanted to check my work. Crap. Luckily I can get to it on Monday before he even sees it, right?
I wake up on Monday with bronchitis. I am 6 months pregnant. They can’t prescribe much more than panado and bedrest. I’m booked off for the week and wondering whether I still have a job when I get back. Yay.
Bright side; baby is healthy, my boy is healthy, my husband is healthy (and a huge help and a loving and caring partner). I have a lot to be thankful for.
Reading some of the comments I’m reminded again to be grateful for what I have. Job, house, second kid on the way, partner, no big helath issues, good eduaction. Listening to other people and their problems sets things into perspective. Life is not perfect, no question, but problems like work-related stress, relationship troubles and a house that seems to be a neverending construction area seem kind of small compared to massive debts, restrictive health issues or seemingly endless phases of bad luck.
What helps me in times of crisis are the following lines: Stay focused, stay positive, you will get trough. Life (or god) does not give you more than you can handle…
My car broke down Tuesday. It started shuddering and the check engine light started flashing. Long story short this marks the 2nd or third time that the coolant system has caused a breakdown since it was replaced 2 years ago. That it needed to be replaced isn’t in doubt. The quality of the replacement is.
So I am at University … I am 38 years old .. my only daughter just graduated high school and has been accepted to University herself… I just quite my part time job that kept refusing to give me more hours, for my first nursing job. I am 4 subjects short of completing my registered nursing degree and got hired as a Team leader/Enrolled nurse/3rd year Registered nursing student in an aged care facility. I love nursing, I love the pay (after earning 25k a year – which in Australia is below poverty line – for the past 18 years) I love love love the pay. the work is hard, the hours are long but I am not scared of that. I was hired preemptively based on my grades and I was told my bubbly personality and intelligence.
Two days again I got taken into the office of one of my managers… for lack of a better term.. supervisor? I have been there 5 weeks and the hierarchy isn’t all that clear cause its not a hospital. Any-who – I got taken into an office where I was informed that as a nurse it is important that I am able to receive feedback … Y’all can see where this is going .. its like the start of a compliment sandwich. You know where they say something nice … then break up with you … then end on something nice?
So… I get told feedback is important as a Nurse … which it is, evidence based practice and adaptive practice are very important, then I get told that I make others around me feel stupid because of how I communicate. My response is to frown … and ask WTH does that mean (in nicer words and tone of course). Apparently my use of medical jargon … I AM A NURSE ?? is confusing to some people, and when I explain to them what those terms mean … like Bradycardia (slow heart rate) or Flatus (farting/passing wind) I come off like a know it all.
Well OK then .. so I can use laymen terms if they like .. but I am speaking to other nurses … shouldn’t they like know the medical terms? I understand every bodies literacy and health literacy are at different levels… but is it really that bad of me to assume that the medical professionals I work with have a similar health literacy to me? So the BOSS then says .. no one should ever have to dumb themselves down. Just think of it as a learning opportunity on how to talk medical things with the average Jo Blo.
Ah uh … so why am I paying a minimum of $1000 per class to be told Im sorry but you make people feel stupid? Oh and on a side note I was told my bubbly happy personality can be a little too much at times. …. so for a few days I was a little more reserved and I got asked by multiple people including the one that said that if I was ok … I CANT WIN 🙁
Im tired .. I think I need a day off to play Dragon Age Inquisition or something equally as awesome!!
Ok that just all sounded stupid .. To put it all in perspective …. I started this job .. worked for 2 weeks did sort of a semi induction where I missed alot of things .. it was super rushed .. then I went on prac for 4 weeks (unpaid full time employement as a registered nurse as part of my uni degree) during which time I continued to work at my paid job in order to be able to afford rent .. so minimum 70hour weeks of work. During this 4 weeks I also had 4 essays/reports/exams to complete/sit. On the second weekend my father who lives 4 hours away had a Left sided parietal stroke (he is fine .. he has some apashia – difficultly speaking, but can communicate in other ways and hes doing great. Hes happy and healthy other than that so things are good there) this required me to take 2 days travel time there and back… he insisted I go back to my prac, because if i dont complete it I fail that subject. Then I finish prac – go back to fulltime work, whilst studying for finals and some more essays thrown into the mix. I have just worked my 49th 9 hour (minimum) day in a row and have my first day off tomorrow during which I have 2 more essays to write before I can call my semester finished…. and the above BS just put the icing on the cake for me.
I’m had a lot of squirrelly managers and a lot of insane reviews. In my last job, for example, I was told:
During year 1: You smile too much and seem too happy. It makes people feel like you are amused by them.
During year 2: You need to smile more and act happier. People think you’re angry with them and feel threatened.
During year 3: You know, if you weren’t a woman or if you lived on the East Coast, your voice tones would be ok but people on the West Coast just aren’t used to women being forceful and straightforward. You also seem to controlled and it makes people think you’re very angry and trying to repress it.
Year 4 was so bad that I came home and cried until I washed my contacts out of my eyes. I spent hours sobbing and clutching my dog over the weekend and then forced myself back to work on Monday.
Year 5 I found another job. I’m almost done with my second year in it. My new boss is lovely – a reasonable and understanding human being. I still freak out a little every time she talks to me about ANYTHING but I’m slowly learning to calm down and be “me” again. Sad, right? Unfortunately it’s also real.
And by that little stream of insanity, I meant to commiserate, not suggest your experience wasn’t terrible. Sometimes it doesn’t get better. If you have a pet, I recommend clutching it. That’s all I’ve got!
I’m so sorry you went thru that. A crazy boss isn’t worth it. I had a crazy boss that made me hate what I did. He actually pulled me into his office to yell at me about something (I don’t remember what, but whatever happened it had nothing to do with me). He was a big man, like 6’3″ maybe 200 lbs of solid muscle and I’m an average 5’6″. He yelled for about 15min. red face, veins sticking out of his neck.
I wanted to laugh at first because I thought it was a joke. I’ve never had to deal with that in a professional career. It wasn’t a joke. I had to put up with that for 3 years. I called him the Nazi (not to his face).
When my father was in and out of the hospital the last 5 months of his life, I was extremely grateful for the nursing staff who explained the medical terms to me so that I could help my father understand what was going on with his treatments. I wouldn’t have made it through without the caring and help of the nurses. Bless you for being a caring person!! Good luck with your papers and exams!!
I’ve been there — The message I’m getting is that you may change the culture around you by being professional and with your personality. Your manager doesn’t want that change, for whatever reason. My advice is to quietly start looking for another job where you have a better manager. Hang onto this one until you have the newer one.
I am a bachelor student in her final semester and am currently in the selection process for two universities, while simultaneously finishing my bachelor studies.
A few weeks ago I received a conditional admission to a university. I was so happy, until I noticed, that this university expects me to hand in my bachelors diploma by September the first. My last two exams are on August 7. There is no way my tests are even graded by september the first. When I contacted the university with this information and asked if they would accept an alternative document from my university, they sent me a generic answer, and pointed to their webpage for more information on the topic. I could have screamed, I had already read the information on the website. I wanted a definite answer. Now I will just send them the alternative document from my university and hope that they accept it. I need their answer fast, because if they accept me I need to find a flat close to the university and there will be heavy competition for the flats. Additionally for my last few exams I have to do a coding course (SQL) for which I am not really qualified, because I an missing two basic courses which should be done bevorehand. Therefore I am getting my butt kicked and have to invest a hefty amount of time to catch up on the course content. This alone would be anoying, but my university changed the licence process to get access to the university network from home. Now I can’t get into the university network from at home and without this access I can not work on SQL. So I have to stay at the university, where it is loud and with many distractions all around me. My progress is therefore slow as molasses and my frustration level is through the roof. I am afraid not to pass the test and afraid of not getting into a masters programm.
Additionally I get spam from very expensive master programms, where the university takes 40,000€ for one year. Some of these programms are really attractive, but I just don’t have that kind of money. Since I live in Germany, where students usually do not have to pay more than at most a few hundred dollars for a university education I simply did not expect the costs to be so high.
Now I feel inadequate, because I can’t afford costs like that and will have a difficult time studying abroad. Additionally I feel bad because I know, that in many countries people are not as fortunate, as to have access to free university education and have to take on crippling dept to get this education, and here I am complaining about not being able to afford a program abroad, while I get a free education if I stay in Germany.
I am a freelance Internet content writer. The company that I contract with has to have a reviewer approve all the articles that get submitted. Their reviewers get paid by the hour. I get my money by the article. Their reviewers are slow af, so I am accumulating a backlog of articles, waiting for them to be reviewed. Yes, they will get reviewed at some point, but getting to some point is really frustrating. Then there is the fact that it can take a lot of time refreshing to get keywords.
Yes, there are other content mills I could contract with, but my mental health is not always the best, and I can only manage one at a time, otherwise I get burnt out.
Meanwhile, my husband is spending all the money before I have it in my hands, and keeps talking about his vacation. His best friend bought him train tickets so that he could go visit for two weeks this fall. All DH can talk about is his trip. Constantly. This is his 3rd vacation in 10 years. How many have I had in that time? Oh yeah, none. Although I do have plans to go on a reader retreat in 2021, and am hoping to go to a signing event next summer.
And my husband, who had a TBI, is having memory issues. He is getting an MRI next week, and then will see a neurologist and a gerontologist. My grandmother has dementia, and now I’m kind of scared that my 50 year old husband has early stages of dementia, and what might happen over the next 30 years. I know it’s borrowing trouble, but with what’s going on with my grandmother is very fresh and ongoing, so I am kinda having a problem with not doing that.
FML. At least I have books to get me through.
My beloved husband of 30 years was diagnosed with acute MDS last Friday. Acute MyeloDysplastic Syndrome is a bone marrow cancer that can become acute myeloid leukemia. My husband’s MDS is heading there. He’s a healthy 62, except for the MDS. The only treatment/cure is a bone marrow transplant, which inbbunto itself is terrifying. But the bitch of all this is, he broke his back in a preventable work accident in March and his Supervisor is being an ass about it. My husband is back at work on “light” duty but that’s not good enough for his boss. Oh no, this “born again Christian” (sorry just pisseds me off how sanctimonious he is) says Bear has “to prove his worth” every day! While it’s okay for the boss and his second to take time off all the time, for vacations and church activities, Bear taking time off for dr appointments for his back, which is WC and covered by FLSA and WC laws, you’d think he’d committed a crime. Now with the MDS and what he faces, even though they are supposed to hold his job for him, we dont know if they will. And his insurance is through his work, of course, because the US is the only country without universal health care. He’s considering refusing treatment because he’s afraid of bankrupting us. With the BMT, he can live a long, healthy life, without it, he will die a terrible death. How messed up is our entire system we have to make these kinds of choices and be vulnerable to the whim of capricious employers?
I, as a born again Christian, am VERY weary of ppl who go around announcing themselves as such. It’s not something you’re supposed to have to tell people, it’s something people have to see in your life naturally. I hope you can find a solution to this, hugs and well wishes from across the Atlantic
I am so sorry. I hope he opts for the transplant. Choosing between life and bankruptcy shouldn’t even be a decision and it’s fucked up that it has to be.
Oh man! I hope that something comes through. Sounds like “Born Again Christian” doesn’t know what a real Christian is.
I hear you!!! I can’t believe these are questions we should think because of the way our health system is set up!!
Thank y’all. As of Friday, Bear has appointments with the two bone marrow transplant hospitals closest to us next week and he’s agreed to go. These are initial meetings to access his condition and discuss treatment. We figure two opinions are nbdvetter than one. His boss gave him grief about the time off until my husband called him on it by saying “with your attitude, Christian is not a word you should be using to describe yourself. I’ll be talking to HR from now on about the time I need off for my doctor appointments”. His boss backpedeled really fast. Blessings.
I am so very sorry Meg to hear about your husband’s terrible diagnosis, and the hideous behavior of his boss and second. At times like this, you really need the support of family and friends, and the security of your income and insurance. To be put in the position of having to choose between financial bankruptcy or getting the medical help your husband needs is a terrible thing!! I was put in pretty much the same position myself, except I was in the hospital with an open incision 13 and 1/2 inches long, 8 inches wide, and I don’t remember how many inches deep. I had gone in for a biopsy of what doctors thought was a tumor on my ovary, and should have been on my way home a short time after the procedure. Instead, it was a very large cyst (?) that formed, connecting the tear in my colon to my ovary. My biopsy apparently became emergency surgery because of the rupture of this cyst and the infection. The incision had to be left open, and the wound and the packings needed to be cleaned and changed every other day. This was an excruciating experience I had at home with a home care nurse, every other day for the 8 weeks or whatever it was for the wound to get to the point I didn’t need a home care nurse anymore. I am a teacher, and after teaching Math and Science, and being a Lead teacher in both subjects, and writing curriculum and working with the state on SOL questions, I was in a sudden position where I was simply unable to work for an extended period of time. I lost my job (although I was told that they really wanted me back once I was physically able to work again – how nice!) And because of loosing my job, I lost my insurance. I tried to file for unemployment, but was told I didn’t qualify because I had a valid medical reason for loosing my job!!! I could not wrap my mind around the fact that for over 30 years I had been working and contributing to all of these programs, that I couldn’t get any help because I was out of work for a valid reason!! If I had been fired because I didn’t do my job or I engaged in some offensive behavior, then I could get unemployment!! What a great system we have!!
Anyway, I hope that your husband decides to have the transplant , that it is successful, and that things work out with his job. I apologize for the long post. Once I got started I guess I just poured it all out! My apologies. Meg, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband!! I hope that everything turns out well.
Dear I! Nobody’s job is perfect. Love the fact that everyone can bitch and let loose with a little steam once in a while, especially with friends and wine/cocktails. I try to remember the good things.
I HAVE a job.
My kids have jobs, they are not in jail, pregnant, or on drugs.
Our health is good, we could be dead.
We have good friends we can call if we need a boost/bitch session.
Laugh and push through the bull*^%$.
With you girl!
+1 and the one about sexuality. This was supposed to go with Tink’s suggestion that this thread should be repeated annually. I didn’t punch Post Comment hard enough.
My lab ate my mattress. Not just a small tear. Lucy (aka Lucifer) tore half of the bed apart. AND then she had the nerve to be happy I was home.
Lu 1, mom O.
I picked up what stuffing i could then ducktape it back together. It was a lot of ducktape. Matress evidently are even more expensive then I remember.
*evil grin* I won one of the advanced copies and… you put a cliffhanger at the end! *argh* So frustrated!! So… I’m feeling a tiny bit satisfied that the author of that annoying cliff is having a dragon-breath day.
But seriously, Saphire Flames is very good – and I’m gonna read it several more times between now and August when I can finally talk spoilers with people.
Nooooooooo!!!!!! ? (to the cliffhanger ?)
This week I have been listening to angry, kick-@#$% women artists all week while I plow through a truly amazing amount of work. My job is the sort that often defies the definition of insanity.
Have any of you seen the study on Man’s Search for Meaning, using Legos? I’ll try to paste a link here:
http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/meaning.pdf
When I heard about that study on NPR one day, I realized the truth. My job is the professional equivalent of putting together Lego creations and then watching someone else take them apart. Rinse and repeat with no ending, no end result and no final product that’s retained. Whatever – as long as I don’t think about it too much, I’m fine 🙂
For those living with parents –
I did that for years after college and had to deal with the rolling eyes and the snide remarks. Now, I’m 46 and I’ll be paying off my condo mortgage later this year. It’s been a terrifying 18 years since I took the jump – including getting laid off from a “steady” job less than a year after signing the papers. And all of my friends and relatives that thought me living with my parents (and taking care of my dying grandparents) meant I was lazy and unambitious? They are beginning to learn that life isn’t a straight path. So keep your head up and make your own way – it’s the best way in the end.
I just had a baby that was born Dec 31st in one hospital and then because he was born with neonatal diabetes, a rare disease no one understood he was transferred to another bigger hospital Jan 2nd and was there for 28 days. Because it’s two different years the bill got split. I have 18,000 out of pocket to pay, after insurance. My baby is healthy now, but I just can’t believe I have to pay that much. So frustrating.
I feel like I spend half my life at my computer – sitting down. Six weeks ago, I sustained an injury that makes it impossible to sit for more than four minutes at a time (my current record, and yes, I timed it) without suffering excruciating, debilitating pain. I’ve tried everything to fix it and the truth is, it will just take a long time, and more determination than I knew I possessed, to heal. Getting out of bed in the morning, knowing how much it’s going to hurt, is the absolute worst. But one thing that keeps me going every day is laughter.
I read a book recently, called “Strong Ending”, about soldiers who do stand-up comedy as a way to deal with the traumas they sustained in combat. It was one of the most inspiring and impactful things I’ve ever read and even though I’m not a soldier, I’ve found its principles apply to my life.
I laugh at myself and the irony of my situation, at the faces I make when the pain is terrible. (Did you know it’s possible to laugh and cry at the same time?) I laugh at my crazy cats and dog, at my kids, at the world. I haven’t laughed this hard in years. Because I need it. When my family hurts because I’m hurting, I try to get them to laugh with me. And it helps. It takes some of the stress out of my situation and that gets me through. Laughter doesn’t take the pain away, but it makes it possible for me to keep going. Without it, I couldn’t face the effort it takes just to get out of bed. Every. Single. Day.
Would a standing desk help?
Ilona: Thanks for making me laugh. I was just talking with someone this morning about EVERYONE has their own problems to deal with, no matter what things look like on the surface. (NOT dwelling on mine right now.) We can only try our best – keep positive thoughts and take positive actions; and keep moving forward. I’m going to watch Meet the Robinsons tonight. Praying for positive outcomes for us all.?
One commenter earlier mentioned something about how they shouldn’t complain because so many people have so much worse problems. I agree with the commenters following them: your pain is valid, just as valid S other people’s pain. It’s something I’ve struggled to accept, that even though my life isn’t as bad as some others’, it still hurts.
I was a tech writer/editor for many years. Exited high tech and edited scientific manuscripts for NOAA Fisheries Service (a different branch than NOAA Weather Service on the same tree) — fun! Then, a few years of under-employment contracting, freelancing, and not knowing how to stop the slow slide into employment oblivion. (Note to people: keep copies of All the work you do! Paper and digital. I wasn’t diligent and my portfolio is old and small. It counts.) I had moved from Seattle to Oregon Coast — the Ocean! — where I worked for NOAA. Then, with no more work there or anywhere I could find in Oregon, I got in my car. Stopped in Houston for the four years of downward employment, then returned to Seattle and have been unable to find work. I’ve been working in retail for 4 years now, a great accomplishment given that I’m an introvert who is also shy. I can’t afford rent, because, hello, Seattle (well, Bellevue). Can’t afford to move somewhere cheaper, like, almost anywhere else. Apparently I can get work in my old career if I go back to school and get at least a certificate (at grad-school fees). So, I’m working on my second novel, slowly, because of the usual self-esteem issues. Considering whether or not first novel is worth working on to make it worth shopping. I’m reminding myself that if I port my website to WordPress (more errors than there should be on the site of a writer/editor #editagain) and make a good, solid site and blog well, maybe I could find some work. I’m reminding myself to eat better and avoid the ice cream.. Reminding myself that just because a pair of friends are still letting me live with them without requiring rent or anything doesn’t mean they get to be horrid to me and that I am not allowed to be angry or show that I’m angry in return. This doesn’t happen all the time, but it shouldn’t happen at all. Reminding myself that there are avenues of employment for the over-50 crowd, for better-paying-than-retail employment even. I’ve just gotten to where I feel defeated all the time, which makes doing anything to pull myself out of this ditch really tough. And, sometimes I feel sorry for myself, and wallow a little in it, because I have no family left. Lost Dad when I was 17, little brother when I was 22, and Grandma and Mom just before I was 50. Sure, I’m old…er, but Mom and I were best friends. I keep thinking it was just a couple of years ago, but it’s been almost 9. My friends here are just friends, not like family (“move back to Seattle!” said my few old friends. “We’re your family. You’ll do all the family stuff with us.” Except, not.) And now I’m stranded. Bleh. No ice cream! Bad! ?
Well, that’s long.
Skye,
I am sending you lots of positive thoughts and virtual hugs! ?. I hope your situation gets much better soon!! And you are correct in thinking your “friends” don’t have any right to treat you that way!! I hope that your friends wake up and realize how they have treated you and that it is wrong!! I also hope you find a job that fulfills you and pays enough to cover all your living expenses.
Job hunting at 55+ was a much different experience than job hunting in previous stages of my work life. I did some fill-in work for a temps agency as a job application coach for a company hiring seasonal staffing, and learned how to teach people to use tablet computers who had, in many cases, never used one before. Also worked as a classroom aide for a K – 2nd grade after school STEM program. The kids were fun, bright and energetic. Got me through a lot of the job interview blues, working with the kids. Temping can be sporadic, which is hard on the financials, but it does show what fields are looking for employees. Good luck with the search!!
Gosh, yea, sometimes life just sucks…
I’m a single mom and I’m currently unemployed and apparently just a step away from burn-out (so my doc told me…).
My son was born with VSD (a heart defect)… He did undergo an open heart surgery about 6 years ago and is fine now but the first two years of his life where verry stressful. When he was finaly able to go to kindergarten I tried to finish my education at university (I was studying to become a social worker) but when my final exams where just a few weeks away my (favorite!) grandpa died and just a short time later my son got really sick with the flu… I was only functioning on autopilot and just went to write those exams (yea, bad idea…) I failed two times and that was it: all that university time for nothing… I stayed with my parents for some time and last year finally got a job as a school escort for a special needs child. (Yay!) Sadly the contract was only for 1 year… since I had an accident in the summer and had quite a few health problems afterwards, I did not get a new contract. (I did manage to stay and work with that boy for a whole year when the longest period anybody before me did work with him till they asked for a different child to escort had been 5 month… but apperently I was no longer a reliable worker after my accident…?♀️)
I would have thought that it was hard enough having ADHD as an adult and beeing somewhere low on the autism spectrum (low enough that doctors say they aren’t sure about me beeing autistic but high enough that I seem sometimes seem odd to other people and struggle with some normal everyday stuff (like filling out forms… they are not complicated, I know that, but I just can’t get my mind to work if I have to fill out forms… or sitting with lots of people in a lecture hall: that was hell for me! Or some other things as well )… but it seems like life can always get more complicated. My son has ADHD as well (surprise! It is mostly hereditary after all), so now that he is in in school it becomes more and more obvious that it will make going to school and actually learning something there hard for him.
So I have a lot of extra costs in my life and no money to pay for it anymore… weee! *sigh*
I hope you find something soon! That’s a lot to go through. You sound like a really strong person.
I don’t feel strong but: Thank you!
Mostly I’m just busy freaking out… No, to be honest I don’t really have the time to actually freak out… ?
I’ve had a lot of job instability in the last 2 years. It makes me embarrassed. I thought having a bachelor’s meant less worry about jobs and money, but it’s not necessarily true. Now I have to get my Master’s to get a decent self-sustaining job. Meanwhile, my student loans from undergrad hang over my head like this horrible cloud. I live in fear everyday that something will go wrong with my old car because my student loans = a car payment or more and so I can never afford a car. The daily stress of money is so wearing.
Having to leave a business I’ve built from scratch and fought for for 24 years to save my health and marriage. New business partner ( one of 6) came in 3 years ago and has completely changed the environment. I’m second partner to go because of his misogynistic behaviour and a third female partner also in process of getting out. Many long term staff gone after interacting with him and new staff no longer stay long It’s not enough to put me in this position he’s also blocking our attempts to sell out , but doesn’t want to buy us out. Fortunately I have a great husband of 32 years loving son ( 18 and awesomely autisic) great friends and an great gp and psychologist.
S, you are an incredibly strong person to have been fighting this for a long time. You said you built this business from scratch and have been fighting for it for 24 years!! I am so sorry what you are going through with this partner and his misogynistic behavior!! I am so glad you have the love and support of a wonderful family, and am sending virtual hugs and hopeful thoughts that your partner will allow you to sell out. ?
Thank you
I think one of my coworkers has been lying to and about me (I’m aware of one instance of each), and WTF? Why?
I share your frustration with the publishing industry. Finding an agent for my first novel project seems like an exercise in futility. I’ve had one agent (out of 30) ask for the full manuscript, but it’s been 5 months and I haven’t heard anything back. Is this normal? Am continuing to query and to revise the query and synopsis.
On many of these posts, the amount of student loan debt so many of you carry is unreal and heart-breaking. As a nation, we’ve done it to ourselves. My oldest son moved back home last year so that he could finish his Master’s in Accounting by paying cash for his classes/books while working full-time. He graduated in May and is now looking for internships. A part-time internship (2 days a week) will let him continue working his full-time job while he gains experience.
My youngest son pulled out of college about 10 years ago and switched to working in the trades. He’s happier, debt-free, recently married, and their house is paid for.
I would like to see companies offer postgraduate scholarships, to help pay off crushing student debt. I’d also like to see the government forgive or reduce at least part of our nation’s student debt.
I’m late seeing this post, so no one will probably read my frustrations, but having a spot to say them is enough!
I’ve had quite a string of troubles. Husband, had cancer, we went through bankruptcy because of it, I don’t have student loans but he does, lots of money problems, lost our house, etc.
Things are better now, but still dealing with husband having mental illness issues, and not keeping jobs very long (although right now things are good).
Got in a bad car accident and will have a messed up back forever.
Also, can’t seem to finish my novel which is going on six years and only 3/4 done. I think the world I’ve created is pretty interesting, just wish I had the oomph to finish.
That feels better. Thanks for listening universe.
Everyone’s frustrations are read. Hang in there.
I guess I had MS all my life and never knew it. Then Menopause and it was like being hit by a truck. I know as MS goes I am incredibly lucky and I am grateful. But I can’t help hating how hard and sometimes painful it is to walk. I can’t help being afraid when my vision blurs or become extremely cranky when the temp goes above 70. Some days I just want to cry but if I do, I won’t stop. So I put on a good face so the people around me don’t know. And then I get angry that I feel like I have to but I soldier on
::hug:: So sorry things are that hard.