ILONA ANDREWS

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author

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Comments

  1. I love the picture of the boat fishing for worlds. Who did it? I will claim that job.

  2. I force stressed young adults to think about what point they are trying to make and limit what options they are using to find resources.

    (One aspect of my job, anyways)

    • Are you a school librarian? Because this reminds me of every research project a student has come in for. I finally convinced my HS kids that you an outline is great because it tells you what information you need and more importantly, when you can stop.

    • LOL!! Are you a middle school English / Research / Business teacher, too? Because according to my students, that is my job description. ROFL

  5. I listen to people blame my place of employment about why they were not responsible.

  6. I reverse biblical miracles: turning wine into water and telling people there’s no room at the inn. Then I convince a computer that today is now tomorrow. This enables a group of women to invade other people’s living spaces and rearrange their bedding.

  8. I often go to a small room with a large group of short people…that have short attention spans and attempt to hold their attention more than five minutes at a time …with mixed results .
    ????

    • I love you…!

      Kindergarten teacher!

      You also inspire, help them build themselves up and introduce them to the world that is full of so many wonderful things!

  11. I ensure your kids don’t want to do their chores or schoolwork or go outside.

  13. I sleep in late. Cook food. Clean house. Read books. Go for walks. Read more books.

    (retirement isn’t work at all)

  14. I force people to tell me their problems then make them work hard to solve them

  15. Thank you Ilona! I’m honored beyond my wildest dreams!!! Since you already know what I do my husband would like to give his answer:

    “I make people believe they are actually doing something amazing/scary/thrilling when they are actually not doing that thing”

  16. I am in charge of people that break things so when they are not broken we know they work

  17. I go into people’s homes and assist them on their road to death.

    (Hehe that sounds more ominous then it is but I couldn’t resist ????)

  18. I and the team I run break something other people spend all their time creating, and they thank and pay us for that

  20. Used to be my job to convince large numbers of people to give money to organization for nothing in return.

  21. I arrange corpses into aesthetically pleasing forms, often for someone to beg forgiveness of their transgressions to their beloved. Or to honor the dead. This month was a lot of corpses into tiny accessories to be thrown away after a night, or worse, kept on a mantle as the tiny corpses wither.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    Not gonna say florists play with flowers again, are you? ????

  22. People pay me to argue and say how wrong the other person is, while the other person has been paid to do the same. The State pays a person to watch us argue and decide who loses.

  24. Though supposedly retired, I help my daughter run the family business of dressing people in fantasy garb, then they pay us for helping them be their dreams.

  26. I receive online missives with text and videos of entertainment, only to change their words so that people across the world from where they were made can be entertained too.

  27. I collect paper from men I’ve never met in order to pay someone else’s bills with money that isn’t mine.

  28. I tell people in the present stories about their ancestors so that they can see how little really changes. But also that there are patterns everywhere we look.

    • Historian? You do the most important work of humankind. I remember reading The Giver in middle school and being convinced forevermore of the importance of historians and museums and studying the past.

      • As another historian, I have always thought that to understand today, you have to understand what happened in the past. It is interesting to see people’s faces when you start telling them that why this is happening today is due to issues from past unresolved issues.

  30. I’m have trouble finding the right way to explain I’m a torture artist who makes people feel good about themselves.

    (Skin care)

  31. I spend a lot of time talking to voices that I can’t see, but I also move around other people’s money and make reports just so somebody new can say that they want a different report or so that they can change the rules about that report.

  32. I scan bar containing rectangles multiple times while listening to grumpy people tell me a trained monkey could do my job. After I am done there I give the people insulting me a number and either accept the dirtiest item there is or explain 3 or 4 times how a 2 x 3 inch rectangle works.

    • Perhaps a monkey could be trained to drag things across a scanner, but it couldn’t actually scan everything because bar codes might not face the light. But no trained monkey could ever do that, bag what is purchased, explain how the new reader works for the credit cards, and smile at the 200th customer that day who went through that line. Front line workers during the pandemic have been lifesavers to us all. Honest and real thanks for your service.

  33. I repackage mind and body altering substances from large bottles to smaller bottles, slap a label on the smaller bottle, and distribute them to often short-tempered people who are angry it took me longer than 5 minutes to complete the task, completely ignoring the often 30+ other people ahead of them who also need me to do this task.

  34. I intuit people’s fears and hopes from their carefully edited conversations and make plans for them to allay the fears or realize the hopes by creating experiences for them in another place. If it doesn’t work, I give them a soft place to land and, often, a place to lay blame. It can be wildly satisfying or extraordinarily frustrating.

  36. I sit at a computer and rewrite complex information about how to operate dangerous equipment, until a 6th grader can understand it and not kill themselves or others.

  37. I tell people what is on the surface of other planets and satellite, so they finally understand that it’s foolish and stupid to go there in person.

    • Or should I say I analyse data from thing sent into space to satisfy the curiosity and ego of humanity ?

  38. You’d think my job is mostly related to helping people find things that stress them out so when the tension is relieved they feel happy and forget their problems (or helping people find things with information!) but actually I mostly help people push buttons and make virtual things manifest physically.

  40. I painstakingly uncover and recover lots of old trash, while simultaneously destroying the information it contains about the people who first disposed of it. Afterwards, I secure it all in a climate-controlled vault with lots of other old trash for perpetual storage and occasional re-visitation.

  42. Sometimes I use massive amounts of detailed paperwork to clarify, regulate, and register people’s thoughts, but I’m trying to move out of that job.

    I’m studying to organize, curate, and create my own classification systems for other people’s stuff and/or pieces of dead animals . . . sometime living animals too.

      • I PT do intellectual property law, but I’m moving into collections management for natural history museums, so pretty close guess!

  44. This got me to look up what a benthic community was. Thank you, that was quite fascinating!

    So Steph has a fascinating biology job and/or I am stupidly missing a pun around clear as mud?

  45. I build a poor version of what is wanted, charge an arm and a leg for it only to find out it’s not what was needed.

  47. My job involves telling people the obvious that they always want to ignore, to give voice to the voiceless that we suffocate and destroy.

  49. I deal with hope. I am the cashier of time and money, that you`ll never get back. I see through your illusions and delusions, but I keep them up, so you will come back gladly. I get paid, so you can feel not-responsible for your actions.
    The thing I learned in my 25 years doing this job is: everyone is responsible for their own actions!!! Free will is not only a gift, but a responsibilty.

  50. I write something in another language to make machines obey my commands (software developer)

  51. I perform a one hour long comedy and magic routine 3-5 times daily, Monday to Friday, for an audience of captive teenagers between the ages 12 and 18.

    • High school Art/Science teacher ???
      ????
      Those are difficult ages …that need good examples of good people …Thank you !

  52. I am CENSORED – PRIORITY CLEARANCE ONLY and often have to CENSORED – PRIORITY CLEARANCE ONLY. But it’s actually quite boring. Don’t tell anyone however, it’s all very hush, hush.
    ????

    • Sounds like my husband’s former job. Clearance required to push electrons around all day. One of my friend’s thought he was a meeting planner since talking about the difficulties in herding cats for meetings was about the only thing that wouldn’t be redacted.

  53. I worry about problems other people may have, and try to figure out how to detect and mitigate them.

  54. I undermine the patriarchy by making the person I support so dependant on my assistance he is helpless without me.

  55. I convince 4 legged animals that the poking and prodding that occurs is not going to kill them. I then go and tell the attached people that further poking and prodding is needed, why it costs so much, and why it is needed. I then get to listen to a variety of answers, so of which occasionally accuse me of being only in my industry for the money.

  59. I go to one of several big box stores, do work, but not for the store, and tell the insane people running around grabbing stuff that I don’t actually work for the store.

  60. I teach business owners how to exploit human weaknesses in order to make more money.
    Muhahaha ????

  62. I am an essential worker for an essential supplier to essential services. We stayed open and I kept going to the office. We create and ship a lot of the Covid signage you have seen in businesses that were allowed to remain open in Canada during pandemic.

  63. I attempt to manage life and death on a schedule without controlling the time-line, environment, or any of the other major variables involved.

  64. I harass people to make sure they produce the documents or set up items on time.

    I am a project manager 🙂

    • I am held responsible for the successful delivery of an outcome when I have no control over the time, budget or scope of said outcome. Long live the Project Managers!!!!

  65. I am retired now, but for many years I herded cats. In turn these highly educated cats herded teenage cats. I extolled the virtues of independent thinking while trying to keep everyone in line. The cats often won.

  66. I am a jailer at a Short term Prison for Little People, where we force them to respect rules they don’t wish to respect. Then the mood strikes us, we put them in a special room full of plushies, or as punishment … We are their gods for 8 hours or less

  69. I am a mass murderer on the microscopic level. Their deaths make delicious crusts.

  72. I make recommendations and convince people to buy the lies that stress them out and then make them feel better.

  73. I inspire people to spend money on supplies they intend to use for their hobby. We all know they will never actually use the supplies. Everyone is happy.
    .
    .
    .
    (Yarn store staff.)

  75. I convince people to give us their boxes of paper, I look in the box and explain what the paper means, and then help other people find the paper they need in the boxes.

  78. I translate what the people in the Land of ‘Money’ want from the people in the Land of ‘Geek’, and vice versa .

    Most of the time I’m pretty good. However both sides keep talking in newspeak, changing grammer, using slang & rude hand gestures.

    It’s pretty silly most days.

    • I obviously did not read the spec. properly- and should have said less! LOL sorry

    • ???? love your description.
      I start by taking their dreams and wishes and annoy everybody by only translating what is feasible to implement …

  79. I put babies in boxes for viewing pleasure and periodically torture them with sharp objects to harvest their blood for “reasons”.

  80. I watch children so the parents are able to go spend a night having adult conversations. It’s great for marriage.

  83. I’m a licensed drug dealer. I use drugs to put people to sleep, spend time making sure that they stay alive, while dealing with people with God complexes. Then wake them up after they received their scheduled injuries ????(anesthesiologist)

    • Hah! You forgot about being accused of looking at the entire internet while doing all of the above!

      Your friendly cussing scrub tech

      Also, it’s always your fault! ????

    • “dealing with people with God complexes” made me LOL. (neurologist here, who’s had more than enough dealing with those “gods”)

  86. I re-imagine the world in my own colors and get upset when people think it’s quite nice, but not enought for them to spend thier money on it

  87. People pay me to tell them and the government how much they owe or how much they are owed.

  88. I cast spells, causing my minions to do my bidding (well, at least sometimes.) When it is time for them to take sustenance, I apply a glamour to their meals that causes them to think they are consuming whatever they desire without their also sensing the extra ingredients I added (things that they would not knowingly eat.) A Mom’s work is never done!

  89. I spend my days being yelled at by individuals who have issues operating simple websites, not being allowed to get discounts on items that aren’t on sale, lied to about UPS/USPS/neighbors/aliens stealing packages they signed for, wanting to return worn items from 2017, and being called stupid for minimal health insurance.

  90. I use power tools to infiltrate peoples spines and brains. I also use sharp things to access their bellies and chest cavities. Then me and my team route around and do things.

    (I am a surgical technologist.)

  91. I promote better living through chemistry and protect people’s bodies by picking apart other scientists’ original research.

  92. I make people feel bad about how they work. I also force people to do things they may or may not want to do in a timely manner. Because I am an enabler I don’t get blamed when things don’t work.

  93. According to someone I don’t speak with any more, I sit on Facebook all day annoying people and f**king around. (I’m a computer consultant).

  96. I make sure that what we say we have is actually what we have. Also ensure that we have as much as we will need in the future.

  97. I lead a team of people who try to help people understand and enjoy while also trying to prevent them from ruining the place so your children’s children can enjoy one day.

  99. I tell people “no, I can tell you what tax form you need, or how to fill out that legal form, but I can help you get to a website where you can find that information —and no I don’t know your password.”

  101. I try to entertain people with digital interactivity I make, and I try to not addict them to my products.

  102. I put a lot of effort into convincing people to do drugs. They frequently get really mad at me for it. Sometimes we color pictures.

  103. I research and prepare reports for other people to examine and render opinions on. If I miss something importing, it can cost my company thousands of dollars.

  104. I enumerate and categorize your life to tell you how poor you are and how in debt you are to other people.

    Oh dear. That makes it sound really awful. It’s not! My job is really very good for people and fun to do 🙂

  105. I ensure people are aware of obligations they would rather not meet, and get info from them they dont want to give, and then charge for my time…

  107. I rob people at least once once a year and force them to jump through hoops in order to give up their identity to feed the man.

  108. I explain to people how to make things to keep gases and fluids from escaping their designated locations. Then I explain to customers that crushing or putting holes in our product will let the fluids or gases escape.

  109. This year I have been hailed as a hero for just a moment, called lazy, been told that I shouldn’t be worried about COVID or my family and should return immediately to my place of employment because I am an essential worker and with out me in my place of employment others were not able to work. Now during contract negations, I am told there will be no raise, three no-contact work days will be removed and the committee where I can voice my concerns in a safe place without retaliation will no longer be an option.

    • Anna, I see you and am on your side!
      Thank you for your work and good luck in negotiations. Holding the line in moments like these is important for all of us trying to make it in these bananas times.

  111. I constantly strive to conceive of new and improved ways to murder people, in the stupidest methods possible, preferably including bad puns.

    My greatest achievement to date was turning a 15th century Spanish High Admiral into cann’d Sp. H. Am.

  112. I spend 3 1/2 months making all the money I’m going to make all year, while people scream at me because I won’t break the law for them. And it’s all my fault that the government moves at the speed of molasses.

  113. I create miniature universes that’s sole purpose is to solve math problems that ultimately don’t matter

  115. Sometimes I tell people where they have to stay put, sometimes I make them shake their bombom!!
    Hope to be able to be paid for making them timetravel too…

  116. I study companies with the help of very impercise models and pay said companies money in case a ultra rare mega-event occurs.

  117. I have power over the life and death of documents. And getting people office supplies????

  118. I work at a temple of a Diety whos fundamental principles are infinite love and forgiveness. Then I watch the acolytes venture out into the world sniping at those around them with inflated moral superiority.????

  119. I ensure that the money we spend helps us get ahead instead of making super-rich people super-richer.

  120. I’m the sole assistant to two very young dictators. My hours are 24/7/365 and I am constantly be at my bosses’ beck and call.

  121. I tell you to reboot, then do magic stuff that makes the equipment work, but only after you call me every 2 minutes to explain how important fixing the issue is. I also make fun of you with my coworkers when you page me at 3am wanting a different mouse because you don’t like the color (true story).

    • I am a solution architect in the Healthcare IT industry, which means I fix the stuff others can’t and pull solutions to computer problems out of my… brain, all so we can take care of our patients.

  122. I advise people who have produced work from the creative engine of their minds and souls to reconsider their choices and kill their darlings.

  123. I tell people who come to me for help what’s wrong with them. Sometimes I give them drugs.

    • Addendum: I tell people what’s wrong with them and make them do their own work to fix it. Sometimes I give them drugs. Sometimes I touch them.

  124. I spend my days talking about dead people and making jokes that nobody undestands except me

  126. I temporarily let people read books that don’t belong to them and charge them money if they don’t do it fast enough.

  127. I use software to draw lines and arrows to show people how stuff flows through a building.

  129. I work in a localized area of a larger building several days a week. If you stop by where I work, I will listen to your complaints and attempt to soothe your concerns. Occasionally, I’m your heroine, sometimes I’m your final goodbye, but mostly I’m your villainess who hasn’t brought your turkey sandwich fast enough.

  130. I play with my hobbies, listen to oldies, eat lunch with the girls, nap when I want and read good books. The government puts money into my account once a month because I was once a dedicated little worker bee.

  131. I bang onto precious metal with a hammer and deface it with files and drills and then bend it all around so that people will think it’s pretty and buy it.

    • Just finished watching All That Glitters, a UK BBC series in the style of Bake Off & Sewing Bee to find the best jeweller. Made it look both wondrous yet hugely difficult and slightly terrifying. If you do all that smelting stuff I am awestruck.

      • A fellow goldsmith recommended that series. Haven’t gotten around to watching it yet, but the snippets that I saw looked really interesting! And yes, I do all that smelting stuff, too… ^^;;

  132. I go to work five days a week where I try to design a software system that will be built using tech I know nothing about.

    At the finish line, I get to retire, so I am motivated to write this fairy tale.

  134. My father is an OBGYN. He is highly adverse about giving medical advice to random strangers, so he always tells people he is a delivery man. Generally he does this in VIP section of casinos or cruise ships. Everyone thinks he is in the mob.

    • I had a friend who didn’t look like his siblings. Whenever people would comment on it, he would say he was the milkman’s son. Their father was a dairy farmer. Drove his mother crazy.

  135. I send people emails that they don’t read and then have to send them proof they received the emails when they complain to my boss that I didn’t send them the email.

    • And we thank you from the bottoms of our hearts for doing such a horrible thing to help us.

  138. I keep 25 small children in a room for 7 hours a day and force them to read, write, and do math.

  139. I’ll give a try. From your orifice I lower virus & bacterial colonies by manual &/or mechanical methods. Often, to almost no avail, you grasp my notions of routinely battling the multitude of pathogens that might overwhelm your body, via that aforementioned orifice.

    • A dentist or hygienist. Sry, not native english speaker writer, welcome , sister!

  141. This year I go every other week to have poison injected directly into a vein that runs to my heart to spread out through my body. I try very hard to bring smiles to people who are delivering this poison because they have very difficult jobs dealing with people who would die without their poisons, and sometimes die even with them. I find something good in every day and try to tell people about that when I meet them, so they can enjoy it, too. I just had my second cataract removed, which has opened the world of light to me again, and I keep looking forward, because it’s the only direction we can face.

    Meanwhile, I read a lot, I watch the birds outside on the feeders, I go out and smell the flowers blooming, and I enjoy everything I can do. My motto is, “A day without laughter is a wasted day.”

  146. I appear visit people from around the world without leaving my home. Children work hard to copy what I am doing.

  148. I poke holes in people, then look at the stuff I took out of them so I can figure out what their problem is.

  149. I attempt to relieve pain while trying not to get covered in blood, feces, and urine.

  152. I supply things that help others remove organs from peoples bodies and I watch to make sure that everything works right.

  153. I make small holes bigger in a wet hot and dark environment to fill them up shortly, and really, nobody likes it!

  154. I talk and talk to explain things and sometimes I show pictures. I also tell people if they are right or wrong.

    I am a college prof.

  158. I find reports on dead people, and then tell living people what the chances are they will die that way

  159. I hoard information and knowledge and I only trickle it out in bits when asked.

  160. My day is spent watching shadows move along walls or watch grass grow. Obviously that is very tiring, so I only do that if I am not reading fiction. My arduous activity is interrupted by nature calling for sustenance, sleep or expulsion.

  161. I sit around waiting for the bank to send me information so I can give it to someone else.

  162. I’m retired, but I used to file court papers that looked something this:

    I do not own a dog.
    If I did own a dog, he wouldn’t be the same as the dog described in the complaint.
    If I did own a dog, that isn’t the same as the dog described, he doesn’t bite.
    If I did own a dog, that isn’t the same as the dog described in the complaint, and he bites, he DIDN’T BITE YOU!

  163. I do relationship counseling for large, dangerous animals and their smaller, more dangerous partners.

  168. I touch people, they pay my employer for the privilege who then pays me. They feel better after, sometimes a little sore but for most it’s the best and fastest hour of their day. It is not sexual, my employer is not a pimp and it is all perfectly legal.

  172. I get paid to perv on people, put visual puzzles together. And Make sure old things don’t fall apart.

  174. I provide a bed for 4 cats, using my body as the mattress.

    Yes, I too am retired and, at least according to my cats, that is my job.

  179. I prevent people from hurling themselves to their doom while insisting that I, in fact, know what I’m talking about. Sometimes this requires me to tie them to their beds. With their consent or with someone elses.

  180. I convince people to regularly give me money so they can enjoy repeatable moments of frustration, elation, exasperation and delight.

  181. I mix different foods together and place it in dishes or throw it to the recipient. Once or twice a day I hose where the food is deposited after being digested. I may put the food in items that make it hard to get at. When people ask what I am doing, they are surprised at all the interesting things I tell them.

  183. I tell college aged people about the past and point out the similarities to today.

  184. I disrupt emerging market economies by urging their government officials to make laws and regulations (and enforce them) to strengthen their financial systems.

  186. I knock people out while other people in the same room use knives and needles, sometimes saws, on the sleeping person; I patiently watch it all happen. Then I wake people up. Sometimes they are happy, rarely they are puking, and often times they fall back asleep. Repeat.

  187. I wait until those who believe technical manuals are best used for kindling have created a mess so big that I (a pyro maniac) get called in the play with fire, and take showers in sparks. And my boss charges them $350 an hour and hands them the manual, which will probably go unread again.

  189. I stare out windows, of into space and into your face. I stay awake too with great creative ideas keeping me awake only to forget them in the morning.

  194. I make arrange sticks in the ground based on information given to me and test those plans… then redo the arrangement of the sticks because the information given to me wasn’t right (every single time).
    I also make sure the strings attached to the sticks are big enough to work and far enough away from anything nearby. Safety first!

  196. I pay to be what I am. And by the end of it all I gain is intelligible.
    Also will have a huge debt????

  198. I manage a company’s spending and then freak out when they freak out because they don’t know where they spend half a million dollars.

  199. I encompass and extend human extremities. I even push bones around into different shapes.

  205. I babysit grown women who have made poor choices in life, but it is never their fault.

  206. No, nothing here is gluten free, and grouching at me will not speed me up. Please allow me to clean and place stuff on and in pans in peace.

  207. I ask people to think and after thinking they realize they need to ask other people to think

  208. I repeat the information someone has told you before but wouldn’t believe until you were told by me.

  209. I collect paper items for an institution that people agree to borrow and then return. I distract children with educational content so their adults can play together.

    (in non-COVID times)

  210. I wake people up in the middle of the night, squish their arms and ask them random questions like when they pooped last.

  211. I rip out bad, stale knowledge and I stuff in new fresh vibrant knowledge. Into their heads! Muahaha!

  212. Lately I’ve been spending all mi time trying to splain to people that “no, the swab is not going to reach your brain” and “if a 5 year old can do it, so do you”

  213. I interrogate people, listen to their bodies and tap their energy field. Needles, knives, electric shocks and deadly rays may follow. They thank me for my work.

  214. I run round like a headless chicken trying, amongst many other things, to instil cleanliness and order to an ever changing landscape whilst being continually interrupted by one aspect of my job that the general public strongly believes is the only aspect of my job.

    The general public also expect me to have the following abilities: telepathy, instant teleportation, share a Borg like hive mind with my coworkers, instantly know a persons’s age just by looking at them, far more authority than I actually have.

  215. I tell people I’m a church lady. Then have to explain that judging others is something that’s against my religion ( Matthew 7:1) before they run screaming away.

  216. I force belligerent people to perform menial tasks. If they fail to complete all required menial tasks, I put them in solitary confinement for 24 hours, during which time they have new menial tasks to perform in order to be released from solitary confinement for the following 24 hours. Some of these menial tasks involve listening to me lecture on subjects in which they have zero interest. Some of the tasks would be enjoyable for them if they weren’t required. Some of the belligerent people cry when presented with the tasks—no matter how simple they may be, while others fly into a rage when they choose not to complete their tasks and receive solitary confinement. Participation for the belligerent people is entirely voluntary, however, they have given excessive importance to freedom from solitary confinement. Seeking this freedom dominates their every thought. Because of this I can use it to manipulate them to do my will, and I frequently do, but only because I’m trying to prepare them for their next position. Truly, I have their best interest at heart.

  217. I listen to people who see and hear things while working to help them figure out how to enjoy life anyway.

    • ????????gosh I hated math in school. I remember we all said we’d never use it again…Now I use it daily, who knew? Thanks for sticking through, the poor things don’t know how useful it’ll be.

  219. Thank you, Ilona Andrews, for the post. What a diverse group we BDH are. A microcosm.

    I will have to think on what I am today after the cerebral vascular accident. I have been so concentrated on rehabilitation and recovery. I know I am not what I was before.

    Thank you for stimulating thoughts.

  220. I assist with translating and troubleshooting the basic code for one version of grown-up real-life Tetris.

    • In a prior position and different line of work, I sometimes described my job as “babysitting a lawyer.” (Secretaries and office assistants, who’s with me on this one?)

      • Oh, heck, yes. I’ve had to explain to a lawyer how to operate a postage meter while his secretary was out sick, but my personal favorite was being backup IT support for a bankruptcy lawyer while his secretary was on vacation. Both my boss and this guy (my boss’s poker buddy, need I say more?) used the same proprietary banking software, so my services got volunteered. The poker buddy’s first question about the system was, “What’s my password?”

        Now I crunch numbers, write essays and nag people to tell me stories, give me spreadsheets or pictures, all to generate lots of money I don’t get to keep. Way better than babysitting a lawyer.

  221. I test people’s equipment and let them know if what they’re trying to measure (ie volts, amps degrees, psi, lbs, uL etc) is the exact quantity that their equipment tells them it is.

    Lol, that’s actually better than some of the ways I’ve tried to explain it over the years????

  222. I keep children captive for 9 months. Afterwards I only feed them foods that they hate for the next 6 years or so. Then for the next 10+ years after that I unfairly control every aspect of their lives until even after they escape my lair I have brain washed them so thoroughly that they still come back and ask for the terrible food I have been forcing them to eat for the last 18+ years and want me to make their decisions for them.

  223. People pay me to listen to them talk about their business and I tell them what they want for their business, paraphrasing what they told. ????????‍♀️

  224. I give my boss information about money so he can look smart to his bosses. And I organize and run meetings for him so he’ll look organized to his other employees.

  225. I take words and turn them into other words of the same meaning, so that people understand what liars such as yourself say to them, when they come from different parts of the world. 🙂

  226. I make water into different colors. Then I measure how much color there is in the water. Some times I burn the water and see what color the flame is. Or I shove it through a straw full of ash, and measure how easy it is to electrocute the water. Then MATH. Then I tell people if they can drink the water. Then I wash the dishes.

    It’s mostly the dishes. There are always dishes.

  227. I make adolescents face their worst fears head on and then criticize them for it.

    (I’m a high school speech/theatre/English teacher)

  228. Why are these EVERYWHERE now?

    I’ll bite:
    I dig holes and leave 20 grand buried for about a year. (again one aspect)

  229. I write articles 5 people read, I attend endless meetings, and I share information that my audience will do anything to remember for 3 months, then forget.

  232. I try and get people to realize that civilization relies on its soil resource to exist with variable success.

  236. I co-ordinate the injection of lethal chemicals into people that I want to live and teach them that it’s good for them.

  238. I’m a proteinaceous form of life that relies on coffee for survival (mostly in #000000). I tend to have a lot of white space and crop everything that bleeds.

  240. I spend three months every year fitting 120 wild adolescents into 100 uniforms, so that they will look like serious adults for 15 minutes. (high-school band volunteer)

  241. I make the light that shows the way, shines into dark places, illuminates the unknown, and repels the repulsive.

  242. While I appreciate the thanks I don’t feel that I deserve it. I’m just a person who has to work whose job means he sees the public daily. To me the real heroes and lifesavers are the doctors and nurses who are interacting daily with people they know have the virus.

    When I moved up front 4+ years ago from stocking shelves I didn’t want to move. It was only after being informed that if I didn’t take the cashier position that I probably wouldn’t last a month at the store since it was obvious I couldn’t do the job anymore that I finally took cashier. Now I wouldn’t take anything else even if I can after the upcoming knee replacements. I love teaching the younger new cashiers how to do the job, interacting with our older customers who relate to me better, and interacting with our younger customers so that they see that the person behind the register isn’t quite as frightening as they seem. And I am a huge frightening giant when you’re maybe 5 or 6. That is even though I am only six feet one but look like a grizzly bear turned human.

  243. I call people to hear a lot of heartbreaking or ridiculous reasons why they can’t do anything while trying to convince them to buy some products which should help them expanding their business.

    With very low success nowadays.

    (Sales Agent for promotional Products)

  244. I determine what people will need, implement it, and then persuade people that they need it.

    Or as I usually say it:

    I go round in circles, sometimes big circles, sometimes little circles.

  245. I pass highly flammable liquid into a multi-million dollar flying vehicle while sitting down and playing with video game-like joysticks at 30,000 feet elevation ????

  246. I grow trees of copper and fiber for my company and ensure the flow of tiny sparks along their branches

  247. I cajole, reprimand, compliment, threaten, pressure, and trick others on a daily basis to behave in a way that is beneficial to the organization and society. I also analyze, coach, love, discipline and punish all to help.

  249. I document artwork and cross my fingers that the documentation is comprehensible between tomorrow and long after anyone who knows anything about the artwork is dead.

  250. Sounds fretful. I am retired and severely arthritic. I sit in a very comfy recliner with a glass of sweet tea and a box of my favorite Girl Scout cookies beside me (Hey! Got to support my favorite charity!) reading free cozy mysteries from Amazon on my phone. Its a lousy life but someone needs to live it! Teehee!

  251. I mix toxic products until I got the right mix then put them in an equipment until the computer gave me datas

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