ILONA ANDREWS

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author

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  2. I supply things that help others remove organs from peoples bodies and I watch to make sure that everything works right.

  3. I make small holes bigger in a wet hot and dark environment to fill them up shortly, and really, nobody likes it!

  4. I talk and talk to explain things and sometimes I show pictures. I also tell people if they are right or wrong.

    I am a college prof.

  8. I find reports on dead people, and then tell living people what the chances are they will die that way

  9. I hoard information and knowledge and I only trickle it out in bits when asked.

  10. My day is spent watching shadows move along walls or watch grass grow. Obviously that is very tiring, so I only do that if I am not reading fiction. My arduous activity is interrupted by nature calling for sustenance, sleep or expulsion.

  11. I sit around waiting for the bank to send me information so I can give it to someone else.

  12. I’m retired, but I used to file court papers that looked something this:

    I do not own a dog.
    If I did own a dog, he wouldn’t be the same as the dog described in the complaint.
    If I did own a dog, that isn’t the same as the dog described, he doesn’t bite.
    If I did own a dog, that isn’t the same as the dog described in the complaint, and he bites, he DIDN’T BITE YOU!

  13. I do relationship counseling for large, dangerous animals and their smaller, more dangerous partners.

  18. I touch people, they pay my employer for the privilege who then pays me. They feel better after, sometimes a little sore but for most it’s the best and fastest hour of their day. It is not sexual, my employer is not a pimp and it is all perfectly legal.

  22. I get paid to perv on people, put visual puzzles together. And Make sure old things don’t fall apart.

  24. I provide a bed for 4 cats, using my body as the mattress.

    Yes, I too am retired and, at least according to my cats, that is my job.

  29. I prevent people from hurling themselves to their doom while insisting that I, in fact, know what I’m talking about. Sometimes this requires me to tie them to their beds. With their consent or with someone elses.

  30. I convince people to regularly give me money so they can enjoy repeatable moments of frustration, elation, exasperation and delight.

  31. I mix different foods together and place it in dishes or throw it to the recipient. Once or twice a day I hose where the food is deposited after being digested. I may put the food in items that make it hard to get at. When people ask what I am doing, they are surprised at all the interesting things I tell them.

  33. I tell college aged people about the past and point out the similarities to today.

  34. I disrupt emerging market economies by urging their government officials to make laws and regulations (and enforce them) to strengthen their financial systems.

  36. I knock people out while other people in the same room use knives and needles, sometimes saws, on the sleeping person; I patiently watch it all happen. Then I wake people up. Sometimes they are happy, rarely they are puking, and often times they fall back asleep. Repeat.

  37. I wait until those who believe technical manuals are best used for kindling have created a mess so big that I (a pyro maniac) get called in the play with fire, and take showers in sparks. And my boss charges them $350 an hour and hands them the manual, which will probably go unread again.

  39. I stare out windows, of into space and into your face. I stay awake too with great creative ideas keeping me awake only to forget them in the morning.

  44. I make arrange sticks in the ground based on information given to me and test those plans… then redo the arrangement of the sticks because the information given to me wasn’t right (every single time).
    I also make sure the strings attached to the sticks are big enough to work and far enough away from anything nearby. Safety first!

  46. I pay to be what I am. And by the end of it all I gain is intelligible.
    Also will have a huge debt????

  48. I manage a company’s spending and then freak out when they freak out because they don’t know where they spend half a million dollars.

  49. I encompass and extend human extremities. I even push bones around into different shapes.

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