ILONA ANDREWS

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Quiz Time! So you want a pet nechist…

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Sanctuary, Roman’s book, will be released next month, in a flurry of exciting events and merch House Andrews are putting together behind the scenes. The misadventures of Roman’s menagerie of pet nechists were the most fun parts of the serialized version of the book, and if you’ve ever wondered how it would be to have an adorkable beastie of your own, this is the quiz for you!

The quiz might not play very well with the newsletter – please click on the title of the article in your email or “Read more” at the bottom and you will be brought straight to the website to take it.

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Which nechist pet should you choose?

Slavic pagan tradition is filled with small nasties, traditionally seen as evil. Of course, pagan "evil" is a much more complex concept than meets the eye! They serve as sorcerers’ minions, stare from the darkness with glowing eyes, make weird scuttling noises on the roof, steal things when their master bids them to, and generally create havoc.

Collectively known as nechist—“unclean things”—they love their humans with undying devotion. Take the quiz to find out which sinister critter you should bring home!

1 / 9

What is your favourite pastime?

2 / 9

Are you afraid of being alone in the dark?

3 / 9

Which of these is the most diabolical curse?

4 / 9

What is your favourite food?

5 / 9

If you could shift into any size (as in, you could go back to being you-sized any time, but had an alternative second size) what would you choose?

6 / 9

If you were a witch or wizard, volhv, koldun or any other type of pagan magic practitioner, what would your speciality be:

Magic potion

7 / 9

What is your love language?

8 / 9

Are you ok with a high-maintenance pet?

9 / 9

A random thought you’re most likely to have:

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Reader Interactions

Comments

    • Most people don’t realize that all crab shaped animals are not crabs and are not related. Makes me wonder if when we meet the aliens if they will be humanoid or crab like.

      Which one reaching the stars would work better? Like are they going to be similar to us because it is the best physical configuration to invent something that can leave the planet? Or will they be totally different and we are only ever going to be on earth because we are not evolved enough to match the best configuration to leave?

    • Holy Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, Batman! My son just last week taught me the term carcinization. I’d think maybe the article just came out, but it’s dated a year ago so it really is a coincidence. I love it when that happens :).

      • I’ve been waiting to tell the Horde about my 🦀 woes for ages! 🤣 clearly the universe wanted you to be up to speed first!

        • I think we all just assumed there were crabs in your backstory. Also rats, bats, manatees, and lemurs. You’ve led a very interesting life (in case you didn’t know). 😃💜

  2. First!! Cute quiz. We have room for lots of critters. Currently have four horses, four dogs, only 1 cat and three parrots. What’s one more.
    I expect a feral cat to show up any time now.

    • The scoring doesn’t matter, it’s a category quiz. I just forgot how to hide it 🙂

  8. A korgorusha! Yay!
    I wonder if it could be more trouble than my current kitten when he was ‘helping ‘ wotth some sewing today?

    • Kor for me too. And no, the kittens will always be more not-trouble. We just acquired two very small feral orphans, and they still manage to get out of each bigger and taller enclosure in just a couple of days.

  9. If the melalo disease demon was _really_ meant to be my bestest pet, it probably would know better than to tell me not to look stuff up – unless that was a cunning double bluff on its part, in which case, we’ll played Sir, well played 😉

    Thanks for the fun, ModR!

  10. Could my achutka learn to accumulate cat hair into one designated location? That would be so useful.

    • This explains it, we must have an achutka. Given the evidence, it appears that all the cat hair in the neighborhood is accumulating in one designated location- my house.

  11. Thanks for the fun Mod R. I got the Melalo. 😉

    Not much longer for Sanctuary! I’m ready for the book. I got my “Chernobog” afghan washed this past week (trust me it needed it). I decided to name my afghan that since the colors are black, white, light gray and dark gray with a charcoal gray boarder around it. Perfect for Roman’s book.

    If anyone wants the name of the yarn, it’s Red Heart Newsprint 100% acrylic yarn.

    • That sounds gorgeous. And as someone with multiple journalists in the family, gotta love the name.

  12. I got the Melalo disease demon, too. And, yes, I looked it up the first time Ilona said not to look it up.

  13. Awesome! I got a flock of Kolovershi. Beware me and my flock. Don’t try to talk to us in the morning or at least bring offerings of coffee.

    Thanks, ModR! You create the BEST quizzes.

  14. I got a korgorusha!

    “they can help with your sleep patterns” this I need very badly.

    Some people say they’re a harbinger of doom, but I say: Then get harbingering! I believe in you! – This can’t be as bad as listening to the daily news or being on YouTube too much.

  16. I got korgushka. Which is kind of like a magical Maine Coon i have 2 of them so it fits

  17. Googled my answer “achutka” and all I found are the folks with first initial A last name chutka. Odd.

    I want one anyway. Please ask one to stop here in lovely NJ. The cats will ignore her, dog will sniff her butt. A good match imho.

  20. Oh, I need a beautiful korgorusha! I love it!!!😍💕💕

    I already have twin pure white cats with silver/sky blue eyes (very pretty and HUGE personalities. Multiple people have assured me they must be part fae!) I have no doubts at all that a korgorusha would get along fabulously with my two. Of course, I would then be at the beck and call of three supernatural beasties…worth it!😂

  22. Anchutka! I think the key was the question I answered about preferring a rescue. My rescue was a hard case but she’s morphed into a little snuggle butt.

    • I answered that one differently, although I do have three rescues in the house, and I still got anchutka.

    • I thought the same thing when I got the Anchutka. My Rottie rescue was a hard luck case and I consider earning his trust to be one of—if not the best—achievement in my life. Probably also the free food is best and afraid of NOT being alone in the dark helped with getting the Anchutka. 😉

    • Other way round, I would think. I secretly wanted that one, because the pic is so gorgeous.

  25. You have room in your heart and home for an achutka!

    Aww, my speed of pet! and maybe I can make it a little fur coat so it’s a little more pettable.

  26. Achutka – but I think I would need more than 1!!! Senora the cat would not be happy I think!!

  27. I got achutka as well. No idea why. The magical specialty question was a stumper. I decided curses and spells weren’t a good idea for someone with occasional antihistamine-induced aphasia. Then it was between potions and transfiguration. I love to experiment in the kitchen, but the lure of turning people into something appropriate was too much to overcome.

  28. Kolovershi!! Yes!! I live near a forest preserve, so they would have a great place to play and scavenge….
    Hoping for a kolovershi t-shirt in the merch store!

  30. You need a korgorusha!
    OK, I’m cool with that. One person’s harbinger of doom is another person’s kitty-like monsterlet!! Oooh!!

  31. So of course I looked up the Melalo demon and am now slightly unnerved to hear he causes mental illness. Eerily apt. And I love crows.

  32. I get a flock of Kolovershi! Which sound delightful…and maybe gives some uncomfortable insight into my parenting, which involves elaborate Halloween and theatrical costuming and once included this conversation:

    Me: “Honey, you can’t pick the flowers, they belong to someone else!”
    Pre-schooler: “But if we pick them, then they would be ours.”

    And speaking of pets, probably I missed it, but has the Horde discussed the novels of Anne Marsh? I picked one up this week (hadn’t read her before) and just ran across this quote:

    “I tucked the tabby kitten into the incubator and picked up Caldenia. [Whaa??] She started gnawing on my thumb, living up to her name[!!]. Ranger had all but memorized Ilona Andrews’s Innkeeper Chronicles, and he’d decided christening a kitten after an intergalactic predator was a good idea.” [Ahh.]

    There are at least two more references to Ilona Andrews works, too, including the line “I’d read that in an Ilona Andrews book so it had to be true.” I got such a thrill from this, I can’t even explain it.

    • I will 100% read this author based on the ‘had to be true’ quote… off to the bookstore I go!

  35. korgorusha, to go with my three adorable blonde cats that do try to help with my sleep patterns, when they are not using their own iron claws on random objects 🙂

  36. kolovershi sound perfect. at least they would do things fo me that my cat doesn’t. 😆

  37. Zooterkins! How brilliant those test-makers are! Yes, a Melalo disease demon is just the pet I need! Chortle!

  38. Holygawd! I get Melalo! Whodathunk?

    “Waiting to be loved and gets a second chance”

    OTOH, “enemies all gone….died doing what they l9ved….probably”

    Oooooooooo

    • They might have love wheezing or been really into falling down wells, you can never tell with some people 🤪

  40. I’ve done the quiz several times! Lol collecting all the little evils🥰

    I used to live in New Jersey, they had a farmer league baseball team called Lakewood Blue Claws. I have a couple of tee shirts with “Got crabs? We do” 😂

  42. korgorusha. This is what I said I wanted even before taking the quiz. This one is my favorite favorite.., I love the claws stabbing the pillow in the online chapter 😎 a different kind of here kitty kitty… lol

  44. Korgorusha! Nice I can deal with harbingers of doom for shadowy fluffies! Lol. I might try again with specific “evil” answers just see what that looks like lol

  45. A flock of Kolovershi? A whole flock? I can’t wait – possibly I blew it this morning by not inviting the very small suicidal dog who chased me along the highway – I couldn’t figure out what I’d do with him during my chemo or I’d have asked him to join me. I hope the Kolovershi and the cats get along.

    • I pray for your complete recovery — cancer is scary as hell.

      I, my sister, her husband and my mom are all cancer survivors — Mom had radiation treatment for her second bout with breast cancer last year. I had ovarian cancer and my sister and brother in law had breast cancer. (What the hell is in the water?!) So it can be beaten.

      Hugs and I hope that you come through with flying colors. Take audio books! I listen to the Kate books whenever I feel stressed.

  47. The quiz was so right! I need a korgorusha! What would be more perfect for a crazy cat lady 🙂

  51. Korgorusha! Now I have to do the quiz multiple times with different answers to see the others. Thanks for the fun quiz.

  54. I’m very happy to have an achutka but how did I get a score of 0??? I may be a nurturer but I’m still competitive!

    • The score doesn’t matter, it’s a category test. I just forgot how to hide it.

    • Or rather, as I read down the comments … I got a flock! *facepalm* Have to get the shirt, now!

  56. sooo

    You have room in your heart and home for an achutka!

    thats me hugs and lots of thanks Mod R

  63. You have room in your heart and home for an achutka! He is just so cute and sweet, who wouldn’t want one?

  64. Melalo disease demon…well, I believe in second chances and love, but I don’t wish pox, plague, and pestilence on anyone. From the history I wasn’t supposed to read I gather a mate distracts them from spreading havoc. Guess I’ll need a pair .

    • I feel the little Melalo was a victim of his circumstances.
      He kept trying to help but by his nature and terrible circumstances kept making things worse.

      But, I could have entirely misunderstood his story. I am a bit simple.

  66. What fun! Enjoyed the quiz, and boy howdy, did it NOT play well on phone or computer… Code kibble all OVER the page!

    Apparently, I want a korgorusha! I am ‘patiently’ waiting over here…..

  67. From now on, when someone asks me what my favorite food is, I will say “the tears of my enemies”. Ha!

  68. What happened to your Email of 6/14/24. There is no text to go with the pics only pages of code????

    • Hi Kathy,

      This is addressed in the article:

      “ The quiz might not play very well with the newsletter – please click on the title of the article in your email or “Read more” at the bottom and you will be brought straight to the website to take it.”

      It looks like you found your way here 🙂

  69. I’m getting a melalo but I think I already had one. My previous dog, an ancient chihuahua mix rescue, was the right size, and I swear when he was in full demon mode he had 2 heads.
    Also, it’s really hard to bring death to your enemies (aka everyone but me) when you have no teeth and your jaw doesn’t open enough to get anything bigger than a finger in it. He would have been all about disease bringing.

    • Those chiahuahuas that live beyond their years and run on pure spite and demonic juice are my favourites!

  75. You need a korgorusha!
    They look like giant cats with prehensile tails and iron magic claws, trailing shadows from their fur. They can also disappear into those shadows at will but most importantly, they can help with your sleep patterns.
    Some people say they’re a harbinger of doom, but I say: then, get harbingering! I believe in you!

    oh yes definitely need this. 😘

  76. now I really really want these as plushies in the merch store so I can get one to sit by my bed 😁

  77. korgorusha!
    I like the questions in the quiz. They make me feel I am in the right tribe. 🙂 It is strange that I had never considered being bigger before. Being offered Godzilla size opened options I had been blind to.
    The comments are all extra awesome. Thank you BDHites (ers? onians?).

    • Probably -ers if we go by Book Devouring Horders, but BDHorites sounds good too 😀 I’m glad you liked the questions!

  79. I’m totally down with getting a korgorusha. I’d even be okay with turning into one as long as I could turn back.

  82. korgorusha! With all the cats I have living around me, what’s one more nap inducing critter. Love it!

  86. I really do appreciate the Tautology Club’s premise.

    My other favorite is: “DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT” which is totally redundant.

    Cheers!

  89. I’m in the kogorussha crowd. I am totally down with this. I miss my kitties (long story).

  91. Ha I am obviously already known as collector of animals, because I got ‘a flock’, LOL! no, not one, not two, not three… a flock! ROFL because its true, I have 4 cats… a clowder. I can’t just stop at one or two.

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