Thank you for asking how things are going. So far so good. Dad has arrived. He likes his room. A TV was installed and a bundle of Russian channels was ordered for him on Roku. A tablet was provided for his convenience so he could Skype my stepmom.
I have made an apple and strawberry crumble and he has eaten some of it, so dessert was a success. He also complimented baked potatoes, which I had nuked for five minute in the microwave, and declined the carefully stuffed salmon. 🙂
The house is completely clean. We’ve had a sharp drop in temperature, from low 90’s to 40’s with a very cold nasty rain. Yesterday, a short while after I walked away to work, I heard a squeaking noise. My father, having been denied the opportunity to repair or clean something in the house, was outside. In the cold rain. Washing windows.
I’m waiting to see if he develops a fever. Hopefully not. Fingers crossed.
Oh good grief, he’s on vacation??☺️
What a good Dad.
Maybe he needs a project to keep him busy while visiting. Maybe a table or something that you really him to refinish for you, just to save your bacon as you guys just can’t seem to get it done. My father was originally a welder so I would save projects that needed soldering because he was so good at it, and I just couldn’t get it so it looked right. PS: that was before he found out I did stained glass OOPS.
I’ll repeat my suggestion from an earlier Ilona blog post – chandeliers.
You don’t actually have to end up getting them, but they provide hours of entertaining conversation.
1) the initial ‘are you serious!?’ bewilderment discussion and subsequent discourse to convince him that, yes, you’re entirely serious.
2) discussions about natural light vs electrical.
3) discussion on possible cornices to complement any chandelier
4) the hunt to find the nearest/best stores in which you can view possible chandeliers, and the trip out to look at them.
5) after having gone through all the above, the discussion on how much cleaning/maintenance it would take and subsequently, whether you should actually go through it.
?????
The father subscribes to the old Russian tradition of “there’s nothing that I can’t make better. Or criticize.” Also, potatoes, salt and bread are a perfect meal. Why mess with it?
??????????
I think this is the perfect example of the fact that the complaining is not about you and it’s all about his need to feel important and useful and relevant to you. Maybe next year you can skip the cleaning and tell yourself it’s all in order to prevent him from doing something that might make him ill. ?
Wow that is extreme.
Maybe you can go to a resale store buy something broken and give it to him to fix. So he is happy he helped and if it can’t be fixed who cares you got it for his enjoyment and it will keep him out of the rain.
Broken radios work best, I found. Lots of small removable parts.
Great idea,,, I can do that and keep myself occupied for many hours. 🙂
Maybe you can teach him how to knit?
When I read about washing windows in the cold rain, my first thought was “ookay”. My second thought was “he probably lives in colder weather depending on where he lives in Russia”. Fingers crossed that the Father’s immune system doesn’t get stressed out to the point he comes down with something.
Stay warm! We’re flooding in the DFW area.
I have heard that Russian winters can be pretty brutal and what we consider intimidating; to others might be a refreshing spring sprinkle.
Yes Ks rec’d more than our fair share of frigid rain, I want to know who is praying for rain?
Be sure to thank him for the help as your avid readers have been panting for the next installment as he can see from all the feedback/comments.
It could be worse, I still laugh and shake my head about my Dad losing a ring while out in the yard. I was so glad they didn’t have a dog as I bellycrawled thru grass looking for it…found it thank heavens?
I laughed pretty hard at your story and it immediately brought back memories of my dad hunting a ring-tone. My dad somehow managed to accidentally lose/bury his mobile cell phone while digging holes & planting a couple of rows of mature trees. Will never forget him crawling along on hands & knees along the newly planted trees, dialling and redialling his missing phone!!!
????
(He never did find it…which actually wasn’t that surprising once we realised he’d noticed *after* he’d watered our newly installed trees, that his phone wasn’t in his pocket anymore!)
Tch, tch, now all y’all, going outside in the rain, even cold rain doesn’t cause illness. Neither does going outside in freezing temperatures with wet hair. Neither does bathing while menstruating. And cats won’t suffocate, or suck the breath out of a newborn. People more often “catch” something in cold weather because they congregate indoors and pass viruses, bacteria, and cooties around. (I know you all know this) just sayin’.
Ilona, it sounds as if папа is bored. Let him read the latest chapter of SOTB and ask him how to rewrite the love scene. That oughtta be good. ???
It sounds like my family. No matter what I do, something will be inevitably wrong. So, I now leave one obvious thing for my mother in law- she gets to say something and then all else is forgotten. It’s easier on me than her searching for the top of one high cabinet to tell me I can’t dust properly.
Sneaky – but a great idea!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your father loves you, but maybe don’t know how to show it. At least he’s here so enjoy. Remember deep breaths will fix most anything….:)
It’s good that everything is going well. Hoping that your father doesn’t get ill.
Courage, tu peux le faire !
Sending good vibes ~~
Ooof. Sounds like you should have left a corner of the house uncleaned :p
The lows up here have gotten below freezing this week, and it’s sad. No ice or snow, yet, but the trees are no longer vibrant colors and many are bare. Fall was nice for like, 2 weeks, and now it’s the dreary march into winter :/
You got two weeks? Here in Texas, it was two hours last Thursday. :/
Daddies. The things that frustrate the worst… are the things we miss the most.
I have a few broken small electrics I could overnight. 🙂
You got me at the potato! What a hoot! My dad’s visits used to exasperate the hell out of me. He’s been gone for a long time now and I think back more fondly on those visits. I’d do it again in a minute, but would probably skip the carefully prepared salmon! (And the vacuuming!)
Above and beyond the call of duty!
?Daughter of the year award?
My mother-in-law was one who spring cleaned, even the jars in the basement, twice a year. When she came she started to clean when she walked in. Finally I told her to realize that I really tried to clean and could she wait until her second day here before she started to clean. I gave her all the cleaning stuff she wanted. She found places to clean I didn’t even know were there. Now that I am a mother-in-law I realize that she only wanted something to do that was helpful. I offer to cook as my cleaning skills are minimal. I still miss my mother-in-law a lot and would give anything to have her come in and start to clean.
Funny how things make sense when you’re older.
I have a tendency to clean at both my daughters homes – they just pretend not to notice! ?
I suggest making a list of small things for him to do when he visits. One per day is generally fine, I have found. Parents can only sit around so long before it makes them crazy. A new house should have things to fix or pictures to hang or…. I always waited for family to visit the new abode to hang all stuff on the walls! It made them so pleased. And I made sure mom knew where the broom was. I knew she was ill when she stopped sweeping her front step and patio. Enjoy it, is my further suggestion. Another 10 years and he won’t want to be out in the cold or able to do much, unless you and he are very lucky. It’s too bad we’re having such lousy weather. Now’s the time to put dad to work building that vegetable/flower bed. Or raking leaves. Both were big hits while my dad was healthy. Take care and all stay warm and safe!
My Dad got excited when I did a tailgater party theme for a football game- finger food heaven and made Mom’s fave munchies too. It was my night to cook?
Still think IKEA furniture with carefully removed screws would be a challenge . . . everyone needs more bookcases.
Oh yes! You can NEVER have too many books, so consequently you need more bookcases every half year or so, right? I suspect you, my fellow bookloving hordes, will understand what I mean… We had an equality-in-your-bookcase-facebook drive a few years ago in Sweden (where you checked yourpercentage of female writers in your bookcase, mine was over 75%, a bit smug, yes I am! ?) which lead me to counting my books, and two years ago I had over 2200. Physical books. I dare not count e-books too… Let’s just say I have a two room apartment, and have no more room for bookcases, so have books in my kitchen cupboard, in my warderobes, and stacked decoratevily on every available surface… (which is why I SOOOOOOOO envy anyone with room for more bookcases!!! Or a room to turn into a dedicated library, like my mum and dad, ooooo, the bookcase-envy! Might also explain where I inherited my book-hoarding tendencies…)
Anyways, back to plans that might entertain Ilona’s dad… Since I suspect the authors love books too, asking her dad to help put together bookcases seems like a smart plan, since it could be genuinly helpful ?. And maybe the IKEA idea could be utilised not just in getting help assembling flat packs of bookcases, but also the purloining of said bookcases. I mean, who has ever managed to get through IKEA in less than a few hours? They build them like mazes on purpose you know!!! So sending dad to IKEA for bookcases should be an All-day-excursion! And maybe one could forgett how MANY bookcases one needs, necessing more than one trip? And BAM, Ikea will keep focus away from windows and floors for two days… ?
Plus, think of all the lovely bookcases you can get out of it!!! ?
I’m a very large woman,,, and I once moved my queen size bed out, and moved in a single. That way I could fit many many more bookcases. I never slept better in my life than I did in that tiny bed, between all those books.
Word! ??
When we moved to our present home I moved 60 boxes of books so I can relate to all of these tales.
I know that quilters say that “ she who dies with the most fabric wins” to justify filling their homes with fabric scraps and I guess for knitters like Ilona it’s wool but I love reading so I believe she who dies with the most books wins. (What she wins I’m not sure).
So Karen, Lina, Judy and Rosalina I know I would feel very comfortable in your homes and agree one can never have too many bookcases.
Lina, the trip to Ikea to buy bookshelves sounds like great entertainment , especially if you stop for lunch at their cafe half way through the maze!
I have over a thoysand books, and haved a barcode scanner to help me with inventory, including where Im storjng items. That us nothing compared to my friend who probably has 10,000 or more tomes in her house… so many shelves.
+1. I married someone who loves to read as much as I, so there’s never any complaint about books, under, next to, the bed, under the covers, piled up on the nightstand ( a given), bathrooms (don’t ask). We also addicted our kids. The kitchen table currently has a missing cover yellowed food stained Goosebumps that the 33 year old was reading the other day when she came for a visit.
About the salmon: more for the rest of you. That is all.
I would clean for a week before my mother came for a visit. She would still find something to clean or a project to do. Get him to proof read. Remember to say thank you. Take him on small trips. Presidential library’s are interesting.
Good to know the visit is going well. Maybe a drive around the new neighborhood. Maybe one of the kids have something that is broken that he can fix?
Hopefully the weather will change and he can at least go out without getting sick.
Here’s what you can do, go to a second hand furniture store find a chair or side table and remove a few bolts or just get one that needs a bit of care. Bring it home and let him help. He’ll be ecstatic to have something to do for you and you can work without fearing for his health! Worked wonderfully for my Grandpa ??
Fixing something means he is doing his fatherly duty of taking care of his little girl, something he didn’t get to do for a long time. My mother-in-law always wanted to help clean (and re-arrange things) here, and it drove me insane because I’m quite territorial about my home spaces. Now that she’s gone, I kind of wish I had been a little more tolerant… they lived several states away, so she didn’t get to do that much. For future visits, maybe deliberately set up a few things that he can fix, it’ll make him happy and he’ll feel like he’s taking care of you. =)
It’s like mom and laundry. You say you will pay someone else to do the laundry to save her the trouble. When the time comes to call the laundromat, she beats you to it by finishing all of it. Sigh.
Aaaaaggghhh! Only family can make-a-you this crazy! Sounds like something my mom would do, only it would be indoors, In the kitchen……or like something my 90yr old grandpa used to do to my Dad (no really, you don’t need to get up on that ladder!!!)
Enjoy your visit, and hopefully the grandkids or grand dogs can be deployed as a distraction for your Dad?????
Best wishes for everybody ♡
Thank you for the Father Update. Enjoy the visit, the weather, not do much. They are only around for a while…
>>My father, having been denied the opportunity to repair or clean something in the house, was outside. In the cold rain. Washing windows.
I was giving my neighbor a hard time the other day because it was raining and he was setting up his sprinkler. I thought it was fairly obvious that the lawn was getting wet, but he turned on the sprinklers anyway. He did just get new lawn/sod put in, so I’m guessing he wanted to make sure it got the necessary water.
Hopefully your neighbor didn’t drown his new lawn. If he waters it too much, the roots will rot and bye-bye new lawn.
Your dad sounds so much like my father in law! Unfortunately my husband and he were like 2 cats in a sack. Finally they worked things out a little, but sadly my FIL passed away a few months later of a massive heart attack.
Yay! I’m so happy to hear it’s been as stress-free as possible so far!
This is just curiosity, so please ignore, but did (any of) you raise your family bilingually? My inlaws are from abroad, and so my partner and I made the conscious decision to raise our child bilingual so all parts of the family in either country could communicate. Being a perpetually insecure person 😉 I am now constantly looking for success stories about bilingual kids just so I can feel reassured it was a good call 😉
In my humble opinion, it was an excellent decision. I lived in Germany for a couple of years when my kids were pre-schoolers. They learned German with no tutoring whatsoever, and to this day, almost 70 years later, they pick up other languages easily.
I completely agree. In the US you can drive for days and not meet another language, so any time there’s an opportunity for a 2nd or 3rd language, go for it. I myself have a hard time learning but my wife can pick up another language easily (she knows 2 fluently and can converse in several more (and learning another for next year’s trip abroad)).
Thanks! Yeah, I’m hoping this will make the future learning of languages easier too, because genetics say it’ll be a 50% chance we end up with a math loving kid rather than a word loving kid and then at least we’ve got a foundation for the (where we live) obligatory language classes in school 😉
It’s completely worth it. I never spoke to my son in Russian while he was a baby and by the time he was 3 or so it was too late.
In my defense I taught him math very early on.
X’D you would get along with my partner 😉 (I’m an English lit major. The poor kid has a seriously overstuffed book case – though some of those books are the “Science for Babies kind. That’s my sister in law’s contribution, under the motto “if you can’t beat them, join them” xp )
P.S. Wait, why was three too late? My partner and brother and sister only learned their second language when they moved here at ages 5, 3 and 1 and nobody guesses it’s a second language, no accent, nothing… (in fact, my sister in law, who was age one, probably has the second language as her first, if that makes any sense)
They’re wired to learn language until the late teens so far as I know. There are plenty of immersion programs that don’t start until elementary school. It does get much harder in adulthood. Three years old is prime learning time.
I tried to learn Italian for a trip to Italy. We could not understand each other but I could read the signs. It was very helpful.
I’m NYC born, bred and current resident. My grandparents were immigrants. There are over 175 languages spoken in NYC.
The world (think sales, suppliers, employers, etc) is overwhelmingly filled with non-English speakers.
Even if you are not fluent in a language, it’s very important to have some of the basics in hand out of courtesy, and as survival skills.
Also, English is a language that has evolved and mutated by assimilating words from around the world. Pay attention to origins and your vocabulary expands and spelling becomes a tad easier.
I only started learning another language as a late teen and boy has it been hard. Here in NZ there is a big push underway to make Te Reo Maori compulsory in primary school and in all for it. Not only will it be easier for kids to pick up a second language later in life but learning a different language forces your brain to work differently, expanding your horizons. There’s a really good TED talk about how language shapes your abilities, about 2:45 in has an example of a people whose language is geographically based https://www.ted.com/talks/lera_boroditsky_how_language_shapes_the_way_we_think?language=en
Bahaha, your father sounds like my grandfather. Every time him and my grandma schedule a visit with my aunt, said aunt and her husband purposely let their backyard get a tad bit overgrown and invent projects that they ‘need done’ so my grandpa doesn’t go stir-crazy the whole time they’re there. Apparently one time my uncle tried to help him with one of those projects and my grandpa apparently just looked at him blankly and said, “It’s a one-man job” and kicked him out of his own backyard! I guess he likes to feel useful and needed.
My Dad was helping us paint a new house once and he fired me.
Walked up to me, looked at me, looked at the paint roller, and said it flat out. “You’re fired.”
I mean, really, I’m not that bad at painting. Maybe. Sort of. OK, yes, I am, but it was our house!
Bahaha, your father sounds like my grandfather. Every time him and my grandma schedule a visit with my aunt, said aunt and her husband purposely let their backyard get a tad bit overgrown and invent projects that they ‘need done’ so my grandpa doesn’t go stir-crazy the whole time they’re there. Apparently one time my uncle tried to help him with one of those projects and my grandpa apparently just looked at him blankly and said, “It’s a one-man job” and kicked him out of his own backyard! I guess he likes to feel useful and needed.
I’m sorry about the double post. I got an error when I tried to post it but had copied the text because the webpage was loading slow and I thought it might do the thing where the webpage crashes and ended up pasting it into a new comment when I got an error, server has craft notification so I didn’t think it went through >.<
I would delete the one above but I don't know how to
I love your dad snippits, and the comments folks post regarding his visit.
Thank you.
If you enjoy his visit half as much as the BDH it’ll be a wonderful success.
I am impressed by the “house is completely clean” part of your post.
Remember: no matter how much they don’t show it, Fathers (especially) do love us.
Have a great time with the Dad. Try to ignore the weird comments. Remember to love the wonderful stoopid comments. (When they’re gone, it’s good to know that you had a great time with them, despite their deficiencies — all parents have deficiencies — but you love them and they love you — if you’re lucky)
And thank you for the continuing blog stuff during this stessful time.
Oh man. That is gold. ??
You have so many available options now like purposely breaking things or tossing mud on your car for him to wash
Good luck!
“because lecturing a good daughter would not be as much fun”. Stay strong, may the patience gods be with you!
Your Dad’s a doer, so am I. However, I usually wait a day or two before I fix or clean things.
Glad your dad made it safe & sound, from the posts above – yup Dad needs something to do, however, if I remember – his work was in engineering and last year he took apart a perfectly working laptop? Go to local resale store – get a cheap laptop and tell him it’s a gift for Kid 1 or 2, but it’s broke – hah! Daughter of the Year and Hero Grandpa! 🙂
Bless him, perhaps he just wants to feel useful
Enjoy your dad’s visits, they are precious, I miss my dad very much and he passed away 22 years ago.
I’m sure your daughters are cringing. They are having a peek into their future. BWAAAHAHAHAHA! I work in the gardencenter at a big box home improvement store. Had a customer in line when I walked up to ask if he found everything he needed. Told me his dad had come over (totally unexpected) to ‘help’ him with his new house. Dad had sent him to us with a short list and kept calling him to add to it. He had been there three hours already. I asked him how his landscaping looked, if he had a lot of shade or sun. He was checking out the cap I always wear, looked at me with horror and blurted out “Oh my God it’s you! My dad talks about you all the time. Get away from me”. Just then his phone rang. He looks at it and says “It’s him. Don’t make any sounds.” Of course while he was talking to his dad I had to say a little loud. “Hi. It’s Ellen. Does he need a wheelbarrow and shovel. Does he need any trees or shrubs? Mulch is on sale.”
LMAO!!! The dogs are even looking at me funny.?
+1 Only one dog in my case.
Glad it’s going well. 🙂 washing windows in the rain…
Mine is coming for Thanksgiving…We might buy a new stove to distract from the no fireplace. “Look Dad, shiny new stove to use…”
Though I know I can also give him the job of table setting, and making of the grapefruit palette cleansing things…which he explains the importance of every year. I don’t have the patience to cut the little spiky cuts into it. Just chop it 1/2 already, lol.
Enjoy the rest of your visit!
My dad routinely mows my brother’s lawn and fixes things at my sister’s you can find my father by following the piles of dead weeds. The last time he visited me, he fixed a leaky facet and change my locks. It nice know father are same all over. I say stop fighting the inevitable and go with flow. Find a project in his lane and mentally put a bow on it and say “ while your here dad could help me out with this.” It will certainly decrease destruction and increase satisfaction in all parties.
Bwahaha! This is hilarious (says the person who’s not related to your father). I completely understand. My father-in-law is the same way. If he visits, he wants to DO something here. Clean something, fix something, build something, … It makes for stressful visits.
I hope he didn’t catch a cold, a virus, a flu, … And I hope the rest of the visit goes well.
+1
I soooo sympathize!! It makes it harder, in a way, knowing that he does certain things because he loves you. It makes it more difficult to be angry at him, at least it makes me feel like I am a bad person for being angry, and the cycle of frustration and guilt just keeps rolling along! Prayers that both you and he are able to enjoy each other and his visit! ??
LOL! I know it is easy for me to laugh because I am here and you are there and he isn’t my father. But, I hope we hear more about his visit. How doe he like Texas and the US?
So funny. Makes me miss my dad. When I was a small child my father “fixed “all our toys… None of my toys made any noise, he took all the noise making ability out of them. ?
Later in life he fixed the power washer by hooking it up to a tractor motor thing—it was like a laser beam.
If my dad couldn’t fix it, it couldn’t be fixed! Then it may have a sledgehammer taken to it…
He also fixed his flip phone by super gluing down all the “stupid buttons” that he didn’t need.
When my furnace was out he brought a huge gas space heater so my pipes didn’t freeze then he fixed my furnace, God I miss him. Enjoy your dad! I wish mine was still fixing things and giggling at his masterpieces!
Wait, sorry–you can get Russian channels on Roku? How?? (Would like to get some for my grandmother who is thoroughly enjoying access to my Netflix, Hulu, and HBO accounts but would probably prefer Russian movies)
Oy vey! Blessed be.
My Dad was like that with yard work. Not in the rain though he hated to get wet. ☺
I’d come home after work and my yard would be spotless. Now it’s a disaster. He wanted to express his love. Truth be told he was very good at hugs!
Thanks for the update. Family — what can you say? Good thing you have a great sense of humor!!! Hope things go as smoothly as possible.
Apple and strawberry crumble — yummy!!!!
Okay , everybody has said something.. I am gonna put my two cents in now.
Read Magic Triumphs after reading your blog about the father arrival. Came across Romans advice about parents, and Erra’s advice about Kate’s father. All fathers need to be a hero in their child’s life. You had a very hard year, too much working, typing your fingers off. You had a stressful move. You were sick with a bad reaction to the tetanus shot. People were complaining about not getting free fiction.. He starts complaining, cry… blubber on his shoulder so he can hold you and hug you and make every thing better in his little girls world
I had to chuckle at your Dad not finding anything to clean so he’swashing windows. Adult kids and their parents are often an interesting dynamic; ever thought of make up a chore or project that only he could get right while he visits?
Hope you have a lovely visit and keep your sanity!!
Oh your Dad. ?♀️
Don’t they take snow baths in underwear in Russian elementary school, under the theory it helps the immune system? Perhaps his attutude to Texas cold, is like that scene in Crocodile Dundee, thats not a knife, this is a knife.
And as a daughter, my Dad is always helping me, even if I didn’t ask. It’s an expression of love. ???
I know you’ve flooded before, hoping the recent rains aren’t causing you problems. I know the Texas Hillcountry is hurting. I’ve been on pins & needles all day, I have 3 pieces hung in an art exhibit at the museum in Llano, opening reception Friday, and the water is definitely up to the building. ?
It’s hard to fathom how crazy high the river is. And if my babies (the art) will survive.
Oh my gosh. I hadn’t heard about floods by in TX…. good luck, I really hope your art is ok.
We have friends who lost a bunch of art from a gallery in a flood. Crossing fingers for you.
The river flooded museum grounds, this image was frokm the parking lot. But the building with my art survived (entrance us just to the right of the structure on the right hand edge). But they pushed back the exhibit 2 weeks, which I agree with. Folks need to focus on the locals and their recovery.
Other rivers in the area are still swelling, and Austin is opening up the floodgates.
Good to hear, that your father likes your house. I hope both of you will very much enjoy his visit. Though you have mentioned temperature – low nineties in farenheit might be about 30°C. Do you have any thoughts on when you americans finally abandon those obsolete imperial units and use the metric system the rest of the world understands? There only two countries in the world which don´t use metric system after all.
From previous stories, I knew you need to find something for him to fix!
Yeah. Or break a few things beforehand. (But never the same things twice or he’ll catch on!)
He is so precious!
Hope he doesn’t catch a cold!!!
Is it possible that he’s just trying to feel like a valuable part of your life and he wants you to ask him to do something for you?
Yes, Tammy’s idea occurred to me too, as did the thought that he just wants to feel useful.
It’s making me wonder how he would react if he were to learn that you had a piece of Ikea furniture that you had “just bought but haven’t had time to get to so it’s still in its original box lying around the living room” . . . that way he can assemble it for you and can then have the pleasure of seeing it used in your home every time he visits in the future.
I did that!! Yay IKEA.. ? only problem is that it took far less time than I hoped it would take!!
Thoughts and prayers.
You have my sympathy. At one point during a visit by my mom she seemed unhappy about something. When I asked she apologized for not being the kind of mom who came to visit and cleaned every thing. Ye. gods! I explained that the daughters of those moms lived in dread of a visit while I just made a mince pie and called it a day. She was much relieved. So was I. The thought of my mom going through my house with mop and polish was horrifying.
I agree. Though it is easier if it is my mom “helping” rather than my mother-in-law. It probably shouldn’t, but there is a difference.
I want my messy stuff where I left it. Not who knows where.
You have my sympathy. At one point during a visit by my mom she seemed unhappy about something. When I asked she apologized for not being the kind of mom who came to visit and cleaned every thing. Ye. gods! I explained that the daughters of those moms lived in dread of a visit while I just made a mince pie and called it a day. She was much relieved. So was I. The thought of my mom going through my house with mop and polish was horrifying.
Our grandmother used to save little projects for my father (her son-in-law) to do when mom and dad visited. He knew she saved them. She pretended that the light bulb had just gone out, and she couldn’t reach the lamp, etc. You know the drill.
It worked for them.
You don’t save up some things for him to fix?
Took me years to realize that my Dad wanted to do things for me when he visited. So I saved some projects for him. Some of my best memories where the “oops” moments when we were working on the projects.
Everyone likes to feel needed. My father-in-law liked to fix things. My mother-in-law was a wonderful cook who wanted to cook. There were always things that needed to be fixed and I cooked the day they arrived. Then I did the dishes for every meal. When we were at their house, I did the dishes and she cooked. It might have been nice to be needed for something other than cleaning the kitchen but we got along very well. I miss them both.
Lots of great suggestions… here’s another that might be fun and relaxing… together pick out a jigsaw puzzle and put it together… you can both talk while having something to do. I have great memories of helping my dad do a puzzle even as a small child… there are so many to choose from along with how many pieces… I like 550 or 1000. Have also enjoyed doing them with my daughters. It’s also nice to do alone with some good music or audiobook!
If he’s handy, maybe he could change out some of the framed pictures around the house? Stack ’em on the dining room table, give him some basic tools, and let him disassemble/reassemble the frames. He’ll probably want to clean the glass and polish the frames while he’s at it.
Safer than washing windows outside in a cold rain!
Source material for Roland.
Hmm … you don’t have any magically-gifted children that he can abduct. (The kids are too smart for that anyway.)
I’m new to your site. Finding the whole thing hilarious. Has given me gratitude for my own parents, both now deceased, and who rarely visited. (But were very good for me visiting them.)
Hope all continues well. You’ve done all that you could. Suggestions in the post re/ giving him things to do makes sense.
Yay! Hopefully everything will continue to go well. 🙂
He reminds me of my mom. Her love language is acts of service, she doesn’t say I love you, but makes food for her grown children (that she also drops off), and helps with the housework. She has a hard time sitting still. She feels she always needs to keep going. Once I learned what her love language was, and that it was different than mine, I gotta say it’s been lovely to receive the acts of service. Even when they come with an off hand, “Oh you haven’t taken care of that? I’ll do it.”
Yeah, it took me a while to understand acts of service – cooking was my mother’s love language and making sure my car was alright was my father’s. Before I understood, I would exasperatedly say “Yes, I went grocery shopping, I made lots of healthy food, I am eating well, don’t worry” to my mom and “Yes, the car is fine, its only a year old, if there were any problems, its still under warranty, don’t worry” to my dad. I thought they thought I was incompetent and I wanted to show them that they did a good job in raising me and I could be a functional adult. Once I understood it was them trying-to-let-me-be-independent-yet-still-trying-to-show-their-love-for-me….i deliberately cooked a healthy but very bland watered down soup when my mom visited. She thought that was the extent of my cooking skills. Horrified, she proceeded to cook enough yummy food to last me a week and now always brings food over (and makes fun of my cooking, which she has never tasted since then) As for my dad, I now always ask him if he could check my tires when I visit, because I think they may be flat. Its a easy job and if he finds one that is a little flat, he gets to pull out the shiny large air compressor (that i have no idea what they use it for besides our tires) and play with it. Win-Win =)
LOL! Absolutely win-win! My stress disappeared when I realized it was her way of showing she loved me.
My mom and I came to an early agreement – no matter which house we were at, I cooked and she cleaned up afterwards (my husband tended to help on that one). I also “allowed” her to clean my stove – she could worry at it over the course of a visit.
I miss her. MIL – not so much. It’s sad, but true.
Both my parents died when I was young Mum when I was 13 dad when I was 21 my in-laws used to visit twice a year for 30 minutes a time on leaving they would give my 3 children £1 each ( English money) once they were old enough my eldest 2 used th go out playing saying that they would rather play out than wait for the money cherish what you have for you don’t know how long it will last and keep counting to 10 ??????
I’m late to the post, so I’ll just say, I hope he withstood the chilly rain.
Wishing the best for all of you, including understanding!
I only started learning another language as a late teen and boy has it been hard. Here in NZ there is a big push underway to make Te Reo Maori compulsory in primary school and in all for it. Not only will it be easier for kids to pick up a second language later in life but learning a different language forces your brain to work differently, expanding your horizons. There’s a really good TED talk about how language shapes your abilities, about 2:45 in has an example of a people whose language is geographically based https://www.ted.com/talks/lera_boroditsky_how_language_shapes_the_way_we_think?language=en
The visit seems like it is off to a great start. Here’s to NO fever or cold from the activities.
You can do it!? I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
Ilona! I just LOVE the way you write (even if it is about dad’s visit)!! That little snark …… woohoo!!!
Hope you and your family are doing ok and dad didn’t get a cold or worse. Keep him occupied/useful so he can show you his love!
I think I’m almost as guilty as he is. After all these years of trying to stay strong on my own here in the USA, I realized just recently how much I’ve lost the ability to give quick hugs, say “I love you”. Instead, when I babysit, I will do my daughter in laws laundry, fold it for her to put away or find something to make her life a little easier when she gets home from work. Your posts make me aware of my shortcomings and that I need to show I care in a different (more demonstrative) way.
Wishing you a wonderful loving visit with your father!
I had a difficult Austrian father…very old school,think S.Froid on steroids….
I am pretty sure his spirit apologized after he died…..
Washing windows in the rain – now there is someone who *really* *wants* to be useful … even in ways that aren’t. You probably will need to manufacture some “help” he needs to provide, as others have suggested, just to keep him from finding more dangerous chores on his own.
My dad was a fixer as is my husband. I don’t have a “honey do list” because my husband’s is waaay longer rhan mine would ever be.
I sense, however, your dad is all about cleaning, not necessarily “fixing”, hence the need to have the house spotless to avoid a lecture about your housecleaning skills. Your doing great. You know what will work for your dad and what won’t. He obviously likes to be busy and you want to avoid life lectures that sting. My daughter and I called my dad’s lectures his epistles. We even titled them to find some humor where there wasn’t much. Love can be hard sometimes. So maybe there’s something you’ve stuck away to clean later from all the moving, rain, new floors, etc., he could clean as a “Hey Dad, I could really use your help with this.”
You’ll figure it out. Hope he stays well, no I’ll effects from the cold rain.
Well, at least he is occupying himself.
Your father sounds like a very good man. ? I am happy for you that he’s here.
Good luck with that. I come from a long line of people who need something to do. You can’t stop them, so you might as will steer them to something that you actually want done.
Well bless his heart! Welcome to the U.S.!
True about parent’s love language. My mother worries… she calls me and bitches at me at least once a day about something. Sometimes it’s an old bitch– “your grandmother blah blah”. My grandmother has been dead for more than 20 years. Sometimes it’s a new bitch– “Your sister never calls me. If you talk to her…” Meaning she’s worried about my sister.
As I like to say my superpower is worry, I get that she’s worried… I try very hard not to bitch at my kids but rather to say “I’m worried about this” so that, in 20 years, they don’t sigh when I call them before answering the phone.