This will only be funny if you a gamer. We are trying to get some leisure in after finishing Ruby Fever with mixed results. We are very fuzzy right now.
That would be a neat trick
Gordon is playing Might and Magic VI, an old remastered RPG. He is stuck in the Mire of the Damned and he is waiting by the inn, so the stablemaster would take him to Castle Ironfist. The game keeps not giving him the travel route.
Gordon, muttering to himself: Just take me to the damn Ironforge.
The Stupid Lifts
I play Satisfactory, a game where you build a factory on an alien planet. It is in Early Access, so it’s an incomplete version of the game and I am playing Experimental, which means I get all the bugs and it’s my job to report them. I am a beta player.
The latest update, Update #5 brought many cosmetic refinements but broke the conveyer lifts. I literally can’t build anything with broken conveyer lifts and the level of my frustration is sky high.
Gordon: Did you let them know that the lifts are not working?
Me: A new patch is out.
Gordon: Did they fix the lifts?
Two days later.
Me: Another patch.
Me: Still borked.
Gordon: So what’s the plan?
Me: Clearly, I will have to write a strongly worded letter.
It’s seven days later. Lifts are still broken. Woe continues.
You need a less frustrating form of post draft relaxation. Tea and knitting? So there is visible progress?
Long time knitter here. It can be frustrating as well, especially if I have missed a stitch somewhere way back. It is as much about the undoing and putting together & weaving in ends as it is the doing/progress. At least tea is usually a winner.
Sara B. says
So knitting is like writing … progress, undoing, putting back together, weaving in the ending … I get it now!
I came late to the world of video games … I am addicted to Settlers of Catan and all the variations.
Kim Stewart says
I just this moment frogged a new scarf because I didn’t like the pattern with the variegation in my yarn.I swear a good 30% is taking out stuff I’ve borked. But I love it anyway.
Amber Husk says
Sorry the lifts are broke, they have been the death of me on many of games.
Hope you found some thing else to play why you wait to see if they fix it.
Undercity , has always been and for ever more will be know as Underware city.
Welcome to the real world, Neo. I haven’t lived in an apartment where the lifts haven’t broken and stayed that way for a while…
Leisure in November during a pandemic. Anything fun planned for Thanksgiving?
I have whole berry cranberry sauce and pie on the list. That’s as far as my planning has gotten. ????????????
Cymru Llewes says
T’is cranberry season so…
Cranberry orange muffins/quick bread (with and without glaze)
Cranberry orange relish
Cranberry gagarin pie
Dried cranberry oatmeal cookies
I participate in NaNoWriMo every year. And all of December is spent playing Sims4, but this year I might finish Uncharted2 or Last of Us 2. Not sure yet.
Judy Schultheis says
Haven’t gamed in years, but I haven’t forgotten it, either. You have both my condolences for things being borked and my thanks for being so funny about it.
Patricia Schlorke says
You may need a more stronger worded post to the gaming software developers. They probably see your post, and think “we’ll get to it when we get to it after we go through all this other code that went down the tubes.”
Emmalee Goulette says
Either that, or it’s really borked somewhere and they’re going nuts trying to figure out what broke them.
I play mostly games on tablets. Usually rotate between 3 or 4 games a night, although some I’m just touching to keep the daily bonus going.
Recently started a bingo one that is strangely addicting, but the cost of cards goes up to ridiculous amounts each location and it’s to the point where I’m out of playing coins and I’m not going to buy any because it’s too early in the game to have to buy coins to keep playing. I will buy items from games occasionally, because I think the developers should get some money for their work, but it’s way too early in this game to be at that point.
My current means of paying bills is software testing. Clever bugs that require off the beaten path workflows are exciting. Everything borked is just demoralizing. Fingers crossed they find the solution while you’re still enjoying your break.
I was just going to say, the key to this is bribing their quality engineers. Hook them on IA books and then be sad lifts broken. Quality team will poke/peek at the devs and managers because the user experience is not there if you can’t go anywhere.
Bribery shouldn’t be necessary but always be nice to operations, tech support, and quality teams.
I’ve never had a computer that’s got enough uumph or a strong enough internet connection to do the online games – I do jigsaws on my tablet – teeny, tiny ones of 140 pieces – which fulfils my love of jigsaws and makes them small enough I don’t get p….. off with them. Not sure what that say’s about my attention span…..
I play with the original MM6 discs, my roommate uses the online version. Sooo many differences. But it remains one of my favorites. 🙂
If probably means the developer hasn’t figured out how to fix it yet. He/she needs more time.
A poem worthy of Qoros!
Bill G says
Love it. Though my immediate thought on reading the title was “Me after finishing a draft” which went “Pull me another, bartender, and gimme a shot of Jamesons, too.”
Jo Ann says
If you wanted to relax I don’t suggest the gaming world …. Unless you just want to kill monsters, then I suggest you try WOW’s Shadowlands expansion. (especially a place named Torghast) … LOL
I am a mild gamer. Scaredy cat, so I mostly play sim stuff. Currently on a Planet Zoo kick. Lovely game when it’s working, intensely frustrating when after a new DLC the bugs are all through the game rather than just in the exhibits 😉 But the devs are active and stuff mostly gets patched and then I can zone out again XD
Mary Beth says
My nephew is designing a game he hopes to sell one day. Some afternoons he calls to talk to my Hubby in arcane acronyms before talking to me.
“How goes the game?”
“Did that chamomile tea you like arrive yet?”
**Heavy sigh** “It did, thanks. This is just a rough spot.”
I’m not into video games, but I get it.
Haha. This resonated so much. My PS4 is currently on the fritz, so I’m back to the PS3 and trying to finally (ha!) finish Final Fantasy XIII-2, which means I spent most of last night repeatedly falling off moving platforms and yelling at my character’s inability to judge jumping distance correctly. (Nothing to do with me controlling her wrong, obviously…)
Might and Magic 6 is the only one of the series I have actually put time into, but I’ve never got more than halfway through. I have played the opening dungeon with the ridiculously excessive spider infestation about 13 times, though…
How Gordon will curse Mire of the Damned, when he goes back to the Castle DarkMoor. That dungeon is a nightmare…
I suggest Redecor – it’s free and I have learned people are scared of color.
I’m currently trying to inject as much pattern and color in a pleasing way to win the daily face to face duel. So far, multiple textures of white is the most successful approach, lol.
Anna Strait says
Omg, YES. And the beige people win everything.
I had to quit redecor. It was taking up too much time.
I get this, I will spend all of next week and well into December playing games (and cleaning the house) to decompress from finishing my dissertation before I get back on the editing train and onto the writing of articles for publication train.
My gaming will range from Demon Souls to Assassins Creed Valhalla, to run the river raids. and whatever new game we bought that I cant remember the name of right now. I am impatiently but patiently waiting for Horizon Forbidden West …….
I just looked and found two new games that I want…Forspoken and Outriders….I dont think there will be enough time in the day.
I don’t play anything more exciting than Civilization.
The current version (Civ 6) is so realistic that I can’t stand it. The animation (usually turned off to speed up gameplay) is lovely, the situations well balanced, and there are many ways to win. Basically, sooo many things to remember and keep track of.
Currently, I have regressed to playing Civ 1. My son found an emulator to run Mac OS9, which was the last time the first four iterations of Civ worked. The interface is clunky, so is the animation and the gameplay is often strange.
But sometimes you just want to take over the world.
Have fun with your game. It sounds interesting…
Amber Amber says
Maybe a haiku? Lol
Your patch did not work
The floor lifts are still broken.
You should feel my pain.
How about a limerick?
There once was a gal named Ilona…
There once was a gal named Ilona
who played with a different persona.
But the lifts were askew
so she said “F. U.”
“I’ll just pour another Corona”
*spew coffee* Now wiping phone and laughing uproariously… ???? ????????????????
The haiku and the limerick are hilarious!
I am deeply compulsive about gaming so I try to avoid them entirely. Several years ago, my daughter wanted me to join her in Wizard 101 so she would have someone to quest with. She lost interest at level 30 – I played to level 130. Maybe when I’m retired I can try again.
KATRINA R ROTTER says
But those broken lifts look prettier with the cosmetic fixes? hehe
Ok, guys, find another game(s)!
I’m going through the same thing with a new software rollout that will supposedly run the whole damn college. Yeah, this is fun not being able to do my work. Gotta laugh really.
I hate game breaking bugs. It is annoying enough if you have to reload to circumvent a bug, but ok. I really hate it if a side quest bugs out because it stays in the journal and I am a completionist. But ok.
What was unacceptable was a bug in Asssassin’s Creed: Valhalla in the main quest. This bug existed for over 6 months until they fixed it! And we are talking about really game breaking, you could not even do side quests anymore. And this is Ubisoft, not some small Indie developer. And did I mention it concerned the main quest not some small side quest…
Whenever an update was released I would read the lists of fixes, hoping that finally the quest “A brewing storm” would be fixed…
So I totally feel your pain
Maybe compose a a heroic lay about the the issue? Those tend to be difficult to ignore, I would think.
Well that sounds relaxing, and by that I mean not at all.
So frustrating when you finally take the time to do something fun, and it ends up being the opposite.
Love me some Iron Forge!!
That was funny even though I am not a gamer. Yet. Retirement is nigh.
FYI in case you think there is a lack of enthusiasm for Hidden Legacy,I have read that series so many times, and am really looking forward to Ruby Fever.
Ilona, have you played Mass Effect Legendary Edition yet? I seem to recall you blogging about wanting to play it.
There, instead of being frustrated by broken lifts, you could enjoy breaking c̵r̵a̵t̵e̵s̵ ̵m̵e̵c̵h̵s̵ ̵h̵e̵a̵r̵t̵s̵ backs and saving the galaxy. 🙂
Robin Šebelová says
A little advice for Gordon:
Put 12 points into water magic ASAP and get it to master level, then aquire spells town portal and Lloyd’s Beacon.
Also here is a complete guide to game with TABLES on nearly everything. Highly recommended 🙂
Also a MM6 remaster? Where and when? Please, tell me.
Robin Šebelová says
Forgot to insert a link: https://the-spoiler.com/RPG/New.World.Computing/might.and.magic6.3/mm6.htm
A little advice for Robin:
Make sure to max out air to 4 to grab expertise from the teacher on the balcony after getting the fly scroll but prior to secret dungeon.
We’ve been playing MM6 since it came out in 1998.
Robin Šebelová says
Then I apologize for unsolicited advice, enjoy your games.
Robin Šebelová says
And to Gordons problem: there is no coach route to Castle Ironfist from Mires of the Damned. Darkmoor Travel is riding to Free Haven only, every Monday and Friday, takes 5 days.
There are only 3 stables, which have more than one travel route. 2 of them are in Free Haven, last one near Castle Ironfist.
All others have only one travel route. With exception of New Sorpigal one (that one takes you to Castle Ironfist), they all take you to Free Haven.
Royal Lines (Castle Ironfist): New Sorpigal (Mon/Wed/Fri, 2 days), Free Haven (Tue/Sat, 4 days), Arena (Sun, 1 day)
Free Haven Travel East: Blackshire (Mon/Thu, 3 days), Kriegspire (Tue/Fri, 3 days), White Cap (Wed/Sat, 5 days)
Free Haven Travel West: Silver Cove (Mon/Thu, 4 days), Castle Ironfist (Tue/Fri, 4 days), Darkmoor (Wed/Sat, 3 days)
Two favorite beta stories for Lord of the Rings Online. Pay to ride the horse out of Rivendell, fall off side of hill 30 second later, end up dead next to horse stall. Rivendell is a long walk from the next nearest horse rental!
Second was playing in a new area with a dev. “What happens if I jump from here?”. Dead. Dev rezes me. I appear alive in midair above where I jumped. Fall dead again. Three more attempts before I managed to end up somewhere where rezzing doesn’t leave me dead. “Should I fill out a bug report?”. Dev mutters “Nope, we got it on tape” and then smites me one last time for good measure.
Moderator R says
Hehehe. A kindred soul.
The first time I played WoW I wanted to see what would happen if I jumped in a waterfall. I swam in the ocean for hours ????
The dev team threatened to change my name to “She who falls to her death” on the forums since I had a nack for ending up dead by falling in cracks I found in the world. Bug report “I’m dead again from riding over a bump in the landscape, must be a hole here somewhere.”
My friends and I stared playing Gloomhaven on steam since we used to play in person before a) Pandemic and b) they moved away. It was still in early access at the time and some of the bugs were quite frusterating. Also, if you’ve never seen the physical version of that game, it is HUGE. the only way to keep stuff relatively organized is something like a Broken Token organizer. We used to play it with a dedicated “GM” who managed all the monsters and such because it’s such a hefty game. The digital version is waaaaaaay better, even with the bugs!
Evil Jenny says
There is some poor tech dude who has been working on the lifts all week yelling, “Why won’t this work?!?!” LoL.. I love being a beta tester…. 🙂
I think it is way cool that Ilona is a beta gamer!!
(My skills began and ended with “Pong”, although I was always in the cheer section for players of “Pacman”.)
I once watched a friend navigate through multiple levels of “Mario Brothers” at a theater group Halloween party. It was fascinating to see someone with those high level gaming skills go through the game. She also explained some of how it works, which was a cool “insider” look at the gaming world.
If you want a game that gets your frustration levels through the roof while simultaneously delighting you with its visuals and storyline – Hollow Knight is insane.
I love it and hate it at the same time.
I have bad news for Gordon. The coach from the Mire of the Damned does not go to Castle Ironfist, it only goes to Freehaven, and it only leaves on Mondays. It is possible to get from Freehaven to Castle Ironfist. The west stable has a coach to Castle Ironfist on Tuesdays and Fridays and the Windrunner (a ship) goes to Castle Ironfist on Wednesdays. The east stable at Freehaven does not go to Castle Ironfist at all.
Later in the game the water magic spells Town Portal and Lloyd’s Beacon are very useful for getting where you want to go without having to rely on the stable and ship travel schedules.
Yes, that’s part of the joke.
I have discovered the wonders of the old Oregon Trail game. My kid apparently played it in school during the 1980’s but never talked about it. “How was your day?- Fine “
I am in WoW Shadowlands right now. I play SWTOR, too. It’s almost 10 years old and there’s a lot of excitement about their new expansion next month. But I have to do my pre-holiday cleaning and make my great-nephew’s Christmas stocking! ::sigh:: =)
Btw, the new cat mount in WoW is beyond adorable! =) Very realistic meows, he washes his face and chases his tail! =)
My relaxation is reading, coloring, and listening to music. And once a month sometimes buying handmade soap from the Duchess of Suds in Texas
A. G. Boggs says
Heeheehee. Been there, done that, got the magic wand that fizzles instead of summoning bread….
I’ve gotten into project gorgon. Technically still in early release I think. That’s a bit funny to me as it’s the most complete early release I’ve played. Very slow grind and hard for new players. Significantly better as you go along. Still finding new skills 3 years in.
Might and Magic!! I loved those games so – esp VII where you could choose whether to be good or evil. Where/what/how is Gordon playing? I’d love to play that again.
Moderator R says
There’s some info in Ilona’s previous comment ???? https://www.celestialheavens.com/forum/10/16657
I wasn’t sure if this was already seen, thought I’d post the link.
Fated Blades is No. 1 on Amazon under the heading Best Sellers in Genetic Engineering Science Fiction!
Crystal Smith says
Lol so funny you may have to start blasting your poem multiple times a day. I don’t know that I could beta a video game I be emailing posting continuously. Good luck with the lifts.
You should have serenaded them [hum…Blood, Sweat and Tears, Spining Wheels]
I can’t go round
I’m talking about my troubles, it a cryin’ sin
Ride a painted pony, as the lift wheels won’t spin…..
I understand your pain. You just want to play your game. Not on the same level, but the McDonald’s near my house doesn’t have Diet Coke. It’s been over two weeks and they still haven’t gotten any more. I know that I can go to other places and find Diet Coke. That’s not really the point, though. It’s just that I want the broken things to be fixed in this world. I know it won’t always happen with most frustrating things in life, but can’t they fix the Diet Coke?
Darla Hassebroek says
You need to sing Suki’s Song of Woe!
Gudy Gregory says
We play Elder Scrolls Live and we commiserate. Getting stuck in the wall during a battle is frustrating! Having a serious glitch at the last battle of a quest and having to do all 6 components of the quest over again only to get stuck again just before the payoff. Sigh. These things are sent to try us!
Table top RPG. With dice and imagination, things don’t stay borked and you find even bigger troubles… ????
Lynn Thompson says
Bwah ha ha ha. Thank you, Ilona Andrews for the post and laugh.
When I play video games I am diverse. My favorite anger release is some shoot Everyone game my nephews gave me. Therapy I should probably say. My rewards game is the ancient / dated Age of Empires. Yes I have played a zillion times but I like it.
I totally understand your frustration but eventually the computer geeks will figure out how to resolve lift issue or a work around.
Gotta go rescue the lunatic knucklehead pup. He has wrapped his long lead around tree and is trying to slip his collar. Sigh.
Not a hard-core gamer here, but I recently started WOW Classic.
Hadn’t been on in a while… logged in the other day and they’re doing maintenance/updates on all servers for 12 hours.
Woo-hoo. Fun times.
Hope the folks at Satisfactory get their act together soon. It’s 2021, let there be no more woe, for real.
Complete non-sequitor. My young kids have been driving me batty recently. Sometimes I take a deep breath and just think “My patience is an infinite lake.” And while I clearly don’t want them to drown in anything, those temper tantrums can go swim with the fishes. I grew up swimming in a lake as my happiest spot, so it has some super soothing vibes for me and makes me chuckle on the inside. (because chuckling outside tends to turn up the tantrum volume – tried it)
Thanks for the beautiful snark ????
I loved Ironforge. I really miss older school WoW with the original cities and doing city raids.
Sounds like dealing with any internet/phone service provider and many program providers. I spent a month and a half trying to get my login for a professional program (I’m a lawyer); once I got in, I had authorization to do anything not allowed; and then, when I got in,it turned out I needed to be on another of their programs to do what I wanted. Sigh.
I think if Dante was writing today, maybe he’d have a special area in Hell for those guys.
Scott U Bickford says
Awww, I got all excited by the picture of the gates of Ironforge, thinking you and Gordon were kicking it in Azeroth. I was all set to offer you a fantastic alternative, but it sounds like you both are in fact doing your own things! <3
Gwen Hambleton says
My husband is a gamer and had a good chuckle at this post since he has played both these games. His new found obsessions right now are Subnautica Below Zero and Solasta Crown of the Magister if you are looking for a few recommendations . Enjoy your down time I can’t wait for the book!
Ok this made my coffee spray all over my keyboard. Still worth it. The poem of woe is awesome ????. I am playing New World. A bit grindy but I enjoy the gathering and crafting aspects. Would love to knit or crochet but I seem to suck at all handicrafts ????. Thank you for the giggles!
Yeah for IronForge! Go Alliance!
I sympathize with the broken lifts. I’ve been playing GW2 which is running an event where you can get new rewards for replaying the story missions from previous patches. New this week – treasure hunter achievement for opening treasures in a Darkrime Delves. Unless you are playing on a character who has already traversed the Delves and opened these treasure chests – then they are empty. It’s the first time I have seen players use LFG to seek out first timers who have an instance with intact treasure.
Guild Wars 2
I play Wizards Unite, which is like Pokemon Go, except Harry Potter. I’ve played for years. I love it. They just announced that they are closing the game. It will disappear from the app stores on 12/6/21, and will shut down entirely at the end of January 2022. I’m mourning like I’ve lost a family member.
Same company is also spamming the hell out of all of us who play WU to download their new game. Guess who has ZERO interest in their new game? Didn’t think that one through, didja?
Adrian hora says
Nice poem. LOL
Nancy B says
This reminds me of one of many bugs in WOW from a while ago. Taking a ship which is just supposed to transport you to another continent that would randomly drop you in the water where you tried to swim to the nearest shore before drowning, then resurrecting at your body to swim more, drowning, swim – rinse and repeat for half an hour until you finally reach shore, but then have to get on the damn boat again cause you still need to get to the other continent!
Did you play the Chapter’s version of Burn For Me? That can be interesting considering you guys just finished Ruby Fever.
Fun story: I’m a final year Med student. Last week I was going on on and on about how I can’t wait for Ruby Fever to come out. And a fellow student heard. I should mention that we were having our practical exams then.
Needless to say, there was a lot of explaining done.