I recently had a milestone birthday, and it made me realise something: I am still carrying around a lot of innocent childhood expectations about what adulthood was meant to look like.
My life was supposed to feature a lot more fake bookcases concealing secret doors, for a start. No hidden rooms for Mod R.
Where are all of those occasions I had to learn how to “transform a look from day to night” for? If you’re anywhere close to my age bracket, you’ll what I mean. The spur-of-the-moment gala or surprise date at a fancy restaurant were waiting to get us around every grown-up corner, and woe betide the fool who didn’t know how to “swipe dark eye shadow” or had “a pair of long earrings” about her person. You’d look like a chump in daywear.
I also lived in fear that a china cabinet was going to happen to me at some point. I don’t know why—no one in my family had one—but I was convinced I’d turn adult and be chained tending to dishes I had to look at every day but never use. My undiagnosed ADHD quaked with visual overstimulation at the mere thought.
I know I’m not the only one.
Quicksand. The Bermuda Triangle was going to be real danger. A whole bunch of flambe foods we had to know how to do for our lavish dinner parties (lol).
So far, it’s been a lot more about prioritizing protein and convincing captchas I’m not a robot. But I believe a measure of impostor syndrome might be resolved if I give my inner kid closure and go out and do some of these.
What fake adulthood milestones did you grow up expecting to have to deal with? I’m so curious and eager to add to my quest journal hehe.
And btw, if your inner child happens to be motivated by goodies from your favourite books and you missed the announcement on Saturday, official Ilona Andrews merch is available again at the B.A. Bookish Boutique, the new House Andrews licenced vendor. You won’t even need a china cabinet, because you’ll want to use them all the time!
I definitely thought being an adult would have a clearly delineated point where I felt like an adult. Turns out that you are just supposed to muddle your way through and at some point a child (or even another adult!) says Mr. Bob! and you turn around and have a sinking feeling that you missed something.
Yup. but I’m doing ok so I must be doing something right lol.
First award, Mr Bob!
To paraphrase Sir Terry, you just get a lot more experience at not having any experience 😀
Definitely that.
also, I thought it would be easy to be mean/tough, and smack down people who are mean to me. And here I am in my forties and the good comebacks still come to mind half an hour after I needed them…
GNU Sir Terry
This is slightly off-topic, but adjacent. My sweet parents told me that I would be alive in the next millennium, clearly thinking this was so cool and special! My seven year old brain decided that meant I would be alive and they wouldn’t! I was heartbroken!!!
I also had great plans to be an artist, invent new colors, travel the world, and have six children and a gorgeous husband. Well, two halves make one whole. One out of five isn’t so bad, lol.
1 out of 5 is awesome!
This unlocked the memory that my primary school teacher tried to show us Morse code at the height of the Y2K panic, because all the computers were going to explode and we’d have to send telegrams again.
Ok. Learning Morse code is going on the list 😀
I remember as a kid doing the math to figure out how old I’d be in the year 2000. Now I do the math to figure out how long it’s been since the year 2000.
I quite clearly remember working out that I’d be 26 and being *deeply* disappointed that I’d be too old to enjoy such a big occasion.
Mine was 34, and same!
Wow, I will be 64 in a scant handful of days and I really don’t remember what I thought would be a milestone for adulthood. I remember wanting to wear a prom dress to a high school homecoming? As I looked quite mature early on (!) I was able to drink alcohol before 18 (not impressed), and I had a job and car at 16….
Congrats to Bob for first? Closest I’ve ever been!
I turned 63 a few weeks ago and I have a question for you. At what point do we become adults? Because I still feel like a kid a lot of the time…
Never. We never have to turn into adults! I’m a 71 yo lady and have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy who loves fart jokes. My body turned into old, but the rest of me is hanging on for dear life!
I thought I would travel the world, become a premier geneticist/psychologist, and be rich.
One out of three ain’t bad…
Which one was it?
Travel. The best one!!!
Stop, Drop, & Roll. catching fire seemed like it was a strong possibility in adulthood.
Yes! ^this
They drilled us constantly but I have *never* had to actually do it!
Yes!!! I still think of it any time there is a fire on tv and people run instead of stopping, dropping, and rolling!
I DO yell ‘stop drop and roll’ at the TV on occasion. Usually when someone’s on fire-which seems to come up more often than you’d think. Or maybe that just due to watching a show about firefighters…
I just turned 70 (there’s a milestone for you!) and at the back of my mind I still think that anyone taller than me must be older. And I still think of those put-together outfits in fancy ladies’ boutiques as “grown-up clothes”, and I’m still not old enough to wear them with any conviction.
💯
>>put-together outfits in fancy ladies’ boutiques as “grown-up clothes”
I read that and first thing to pop into my head were Geranimals, which I just Googled and apparently is still a thing.
The first night having moved out of my parent’s house I thought, “I can just get out of bed at 2am and go wherever I want!”. Did I ever get up at 2am to go somewhere? Absolutely not! 😄
But you COULD and that’s what matters 😀
I thought I would have a lot more dinner parties and travel and not having to look at pile of laundry or suitcases I havent unpacked
Childhood warnings REALLY should have been less about the Bermuda Triangle and more about the Laundry Triangle, where all the laundry constantly multiplies and an empty basket manifests another full load as soon as your back is turned.
Also we should have had warnings about the merry-go-round of figuring out what to eat/serve for meals three times a day.
I call my pile of clean laundry the Laundramount.
This caused me to remember I have a load of laundry I need to get started. Adulting is hard. I really hoped when I was an adult that Rosie from the Jetson’s would be invented and I wouldn’t have to do all this cleaning stuff. LOL
Socks from elementary old school kids are a major bane in this household. Wrangling socks for 8 year olds wasn’t on my adult task list.
I read somewhere that the parents just put all the kid’s clean socks in a bin and the kids pick out of that each day. They usually don’t match, but the kids enjoy having choices. I think the family had twins, so lots of socks.
So, mismatched socks is actually a cool thing now. Go for it.
If you’ve still got that bookshelf door goal, I believe Home Depot sells them 😁
I actually went to a speakeasy type cocktail bar for my birthday, which I booked specifically because you get to walk to it through a fake bookshelf!
I’m slowly but surely doing these 😀 (It was dark and I tripped on a world globe, but it was fun!)
That does sound fun! Will have to look around and see if there’s something like that in my city, tho I really doubt it.
My husband and I quote this comic to each other all the time.
https://xkcd.com/150/
also this: https://xkcd.com/3034/
Full disclosure: I actually taught my kids the technique for running away from an alligator. But they now call me from college asking how to fill a prescription. So my understanding of adult probabilities is still off. (But some things are easier to figure out through trial and error.)
I love Love LOVE xkcd, he’s so on point 😊
It’s not really a fake milestone, more the lack of one. I was in my mid twenties before it started to dawn on me that there was not going to be a magical moment when I suddenly became an adult. You know, that thing everyone asks all through your childhood, “So what do you want to be when you grow up?” ALL through college I kept wondering when that moment would hit? That moment when I would finally feel grown up! 21? Surely that was it? College graduation? First real job? Every year more things were expected of me that were adult things; moving away from home, getting a degree (heck, deciding on a major!), moving into my first apartment, starting my career, applying for a car loan, and the whole time I was terrified inside because I KNEW I was in no way mature or responsible enough to be doing these things. When would I finally reach that next stage that every other grown-up, like my parents, OBVIOUSLY had already passed? There they were, confidently adulting, while I was just faking it and hoping nobody noticed.
At 62 I’m still faking it. It’s worked out pretty well in general, even though I never grew up. I eventually understood that nobody actually does, though some people unfortunately do get old very young. But I certainly never ask kids that stupid misleading question!
The problem with this question is that it says, “BE” when you grow up – as if you are fully finished at some stage, instead of continually growing.
💯
I am still asking myself the same question”what do I want to be when I grow up question”.
The first time I really felt adult was when I told my firstborn that I wasn’t ready to be an ancestor – and if my mother told her she’d been happy to hear I was pregnant, don’t believe her, the happy came later.
The grandkid in question will be 20 in mid February.
We had so many tornado and nuclear bomb drills when I was in grade school. Never needed that skill (thankfully).
I thought I would have a husband, kids and a job that would take me around the world. I got the job part right but I think I’m out of luck on the rest at 59.
My mother used to tell the story that when I was 16, a friend of hers was getting married for the first time at 63 and my response to hearing that was, “OMG! So you’re never safe?”
Ah, yes! Duck and cover drills. Also, having the sirens go off and having to run to the air raid shelters at random times. So odd that noone ever actually dropped bombs on us while we were living in Oklahoma. But…Iwas ready, just in case.
I remember having nuclear drills in school. We were told to hide under desks. Somehow those are supposed to protect from nuclear weapons
My great-aunt married at 75 for the first time. You just never know!!! Also, she was thrilled, her husband was thrilled and they had a few great years together!
In age, I’m an adult. In my mind I refuse to grow up. Yes I do adult things, cook, clean, laundry etc., but I also do fun things, read books, build Lego, make art. To me growing up means losing interest in fun, whimsical things… so I’m never gonna grow up!
We were told something at my college graduation almost 50 years ago now that is true for the rest of life as well –“10 years from now 25% of you will be doing a job that either you didn’t plan on, or it doesn’t exist today.”
I thought I would be living in a house that ran itself without my intervention. I did not expect to spend 20 minutes reprogramming my OVEN because of a brief power outage. But I also didn’t think I would be able to replace the bathroom light fixture by myself. I thought I would have a custom designed home, and I do, but it isn’t on a hillside overlooking the ocean and it doesn’t have an indoor pool with a slide, or an atrium with an indoor garden. It is super insulated, energy efficient, and on a bus route.
I thought I’d be retired (which I’m not), but I did think I’d be able to work from home, (which I do) but I thought I’d be an artist no an office person.
Somewhere around 45 I realized I was delusional because deep in my secret heart I though I would reach the age of 80 and still look and feel 30. I did not know it would take me 5-10 minutes to limber up in the morning so I’m not hobbling, or that I would have a bad knee and mild arthritis in my hands.
I knew I would have cats though not four of them. But when a person dies someone has to take the pets they leave behind. Please make contingency plans.
I did think I would be happy, and that I would still look forward to the future with anticipation and curiosity, which I am and do.
You can be an office worker and an artist. There’s no laws against it.(yet)
True. But I have a friend who makes a living as a watercolorist. That is something like how I imagined myself and I have never been that.
I still worry about falling into an alternate universe but now it’s more *worry* and less adventure because who would take care of my cat?
That said, I see no reason to let becoming an adult get in my way (I, too recognize those days-to-nights advice and then some). Let’s see…learning Korean, archery, and Chinese brush painting in the past few years. Seeking new classes and training in other things because you never know when you’ll need it if a portal opens and someone comes OUT of it. 🙂
I’m an adult, I just still need a more adulty adult sometimes.
Mood/
This is so me! I gotta arrange this, do that, set an appointment for the other etc… I really miss that all that used to be some _other_ adults problem (usually Mama or teacher)
What did Nevada say to her mom when Penelope responded to a request for advice with “you’re an adult”? Something like this: yeah, but so are you and you’ve been at it longer. I totally get it, I’m really tired of doing it all (widowed single mom of ” adult” kids who aren’t really adulting on their own yet because the world is hard right now and its impossible to even find expectations, let alone live up to them).
Maybe my Mom will move in and be my Adult?
Absolutely!!!
I once stayed in a hotel with a secret door to a bathroom. I still remember it, and it was 30 years ago, and I have stayed in a lot of hotels! Not to a secret library however. Staying up all night is overrated, although still being up at dawn around midsummer is pretty cool! (I was working all night at a festival at a bar!)
Omg, I thought I was the only kid who worried about unanticipated quicksand. I still remember reading blurbs in kid magazines about how to get yourself out of it. And I remember the Bermuda Triangle worries. That one I can trace to one of those “mysterious but true” TV shows that were the precursor to reality TV and clickbait headlines, but I have no idea where the quicksand fear came from.
One of the things that surprised me about being an adult was that the desire to eat cookies or candy as a meal does not magically switch off like a lightbulb. I thought there was something wrong with me in early adulthood that everyone else happily ate lima beans and asparagus while I still dreamed of late night waffle parties in my college cafeteria. It is true that my palate shifted and I like sour, bitter, and spicy flavors more now than as a kid, but I was both relieved and dismayed to discover that everyone else still wanted to eat cookies for dinner too: relieved that I wasn’t broken but dismayed that it was up to my own willpower to eat the lima beans and asparagus instead. There was no biological switch turning on to help me other than now I’m old enough that eating junk can make me sick (sigh). And yet I still want cookies for dinner.
But we can look at it from a different perspective, where now we have our own money and our parents can’t tell us no, so really, having cookies and ice cream whenever we want is a sign of adulthood!
No? I’m not convincing anyone? 😛
I’m with you! I just turned 77, but this summer a friend convinced me to have a pitcher of margaritas, chorizo queso and quesadillas for lunch. I convinced her we each needed an Andy’s BootDaddy Concrete for dinner. Perfect summer day.
Yum! No Andys here, but we do have two Culver’s. They currently have a concrete mixer that sounds very similar, your choice of mix ins. I have to say, I do prefer their turtle sundae tho.
I totally agree! I actually tried to do ice cream sundaes for dinner when my kids were younger (yes, more than once, and yes I thought they would think I was the cool and fun Mom, plus I wanted ice cream for dinner) and they all thought I was crazy and wanted “real food”. Shot down for ice cream dinner by my children!!
Yep. Quicksand generation here.
I also anticipated a bit more of a Nancy Drew lifestyle with lots of travel. Elizabeth Peters only contributed to this view of life. I was soooo going to have a cool job — this was fuzzy in my mind, but connected to writing — where I traveled and swanned about in an incredibly chic manner.
Narrator: She’s a hobbit in higher ed.
The quicksand, YES, that was one of my greatest fears. The closest quicksand to my house was hundreds of miles, maybe even thousands of miles away from me but I was never geographically proficient so the fear remained. My two other great fears were snakes and tornadoes. Snakes because, well, snakes. ‘nough said but tornadoes were a real threat. I grew up in Atlanta and there were tornadoes that came through every couple of years. One came and hit my cousin’s house. They were planning a renovation and expansion of part of the house. The tornado came down Northside Dr. thoughtfully skimmed by their house taking out the trees and backside of the house where the work was to be done. It’s the ONLY time I’ve ever heard of a tornado participating in renovation prep. And the insurance from the tornado “damage” paid for the planned changes with $ left over.
When I was younger, I thought I would be a fashion designer. At the time (back in the 80s), fashion was not as inclusive as it is now. I kept seeing all these very thin women and thought something was wrong with me. Don’t feel that way now, thank goodness. When I found out I had to have a BA in Fine Arts, that thought was out the door and down the road.
The life took me in an entirely different direction. I had to grow up fast when I was a teen and be an adult. So, now, I’m just letting my little kid come out and be curious. That’s what got me into the degrees and job I have now.
Mod R, the statistics graphs above made me laugh. The “fake statistics chart very fancy” is hilarious. 🤣🤣
Happy belated birthday to the Horde wrangler, Mod R! 🎇🎂
Adulthood came when I got my first college loan bill. I NEEDED a job! My parents were not taking care of my bills. But retirement (highly recommended it) lets me be a child again. Popcorn for dinner, no alarm clock, golf, meeting for coffee, or reading a book all day. Adulthood is way overrated
I always thought being an adult would mean drinking coffee instead of soda for my caffeine fix. Like I would magically wake up one day and want to drink it instead. (I really thought it would happen in college – no luck.)
I’m still waiting for the coffee fairy to come along and find a type/flavor that I’ll enjoy.
I’m the opposite. The thought that I can have my Diet Coke in the morning feels illegal somehow.
I have basically just gone with the flow my whole life, as literally nothing I planned worked as expected. Heh, I figured out pretty early that I was never going to have a reason to use the fancy party clothes and they all went to Goodwill. Now in my 70s, dress up is a nice pair of jeans and something that’s not a tee shirt or tank top. I do however own two china cabinets. One is small, red and a family piece. It stores the gorgeous Block poinsettia china that gets used one day a year and the wine glasses 😆. The other matches nothing, but was free. I needed someplace to store the Franciscan pottery set my mom foisted on me and display a few pretty things I love. Adulting is such a joke so often. At least the plans to travel are mostly working! Yea!
How to tell when you’ve become an adult. Wellll…I completed my allotted three score and ten this year and my inner voice is still that of a sixteen year old. If it ever happens, I’ll let you know.
I never ended up stylish or well travelled 🧳 …and like you, quick sand and the Bermuda Triangle didn’t get me either. I have glasses for every drink you might make for all the parties I was going to have. And now my library of print books seems like an anachronism.
Honestly, I just felt like I’d know what I was doing and/or not feel like I’m treading water all the time. I’d like to have life “together” and not feel like I’m struggling. Oh well.
I was lead to believe that typewriters would be a dominant feature in most offices….
I experienced something of the opposite, being to old for my age as a young woman -no interest in a lot of things most people my age were spending their time on and what was considered quirky interests like crochet, gardening, reading, stitching etc
Now I’m 50 and at home in myself 😆
And a porcelain cupboard?
No, but practical shelves in the basement for my inherited royal copenhagen seagull for 40 (!)persons
It’s from my collecting father in law, who was responsible for the most beautiful tables for our wedding 24 years ago.
It’s still in use for Christmas and birthdays and miscellaneous special occasions
For me- it was a job. I thought I’d be an adult when I had some great career. I worked in a call center about 10 years and this year I promoted off phones to a job I really love.
But those first few years I used to say “when I get a grown up job…”. My mom finally told me that I DID have a grown up job. I worked 40 hours, had my own insurance, paid my own rent/ bills, etc. she asked me what I thought a grown up job was.
It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was an adult and was taking care of my adult responsibilities. Up until then I honestly didn’t consider the fact that I WAS a grown up.
Had someone ever warned me that becoming an adult meant that every other pair of socks would lose ONE SOCK every laundry load—to be replaced by a Tupperware Lid—I would have enjoyed being a kid more.
I thought when I survive past 25 I would no longer play computer games, because that’s not what adults do. I am still playing games in my 40s, and I have adults friends who also do. If it’s still frowned upon, we don’t care 😉
But talking about odd items on bucket lists – I really want to go on a roadtrip and see a tumble weed rolling across the road! I only saw tumbleweeds in movies, do they really exist?
I work in the video games industry. there are games for all ages. keeps the brain sharp.
Yes there really are tumbleweeds. Had a few go across the highway in front of us on our drive through the Canadian prairies about a month ago.
I have seen a lot of tumbleweeds and hit a couple in the car as well (by accident). It is always fun for me to see them! I double checked this with Google, but they are most common in the American southwest, so Texas, Arizona, southern California, southern Utah. Around here they are something of a fire hazard because they die, come loose, and are just big lumps of kindling roaming around waiting to burn everything down.
I was technically an environmental refugee for a short time due to a ravaging forest fire, so I think about forest fires often as an adult. I grew up in a wet climate, so I never dreamed that so much could burn or that water would be something you had to think about. It’s so interesting to listen to old school farmers describe their complex irrigation systems. Back home, water just fell from the sky!
Spent 5 years in Barstow CA, yup tumbleweeds exist. I saw one as big as a car! People used to spray paint them white and stack them for “snowmen”
it doesn’t ever feel like adulting except when there is a responsibility of needing to insure the safety and future of my nieces and nephews. then it absolutely feels like it
I thought I would have more spontaneous dinner parties with interesting friends, who loved fondu, brought me hostess gifts, and were up for whatever impromptu entertainment happened.
Fondue!
That’s going on the list! I’ll see if I can find a restaurant that does fondue and crepes suzette so I can tick flambé off in the same go ✍️
When I feel the need for a flambe, I re-watch the dinner with the in-laws scene from Auntie Mame and I’m good again. “Is everybody lit?”
As for adult expectations, I thought I’d get to travel more and attend events where I’d have to dress up like Donna Reed doing housework.
Turns out I had to spend 40 years working so I could afford to travel even a bit but 5 cats that keep me home.
I also have a closet full of dresses I never wear because it turns out I love caftans more.
One must always beware of the lurking horror of randomly committing china cabinet…
In my case, it was fear of committing formal dinner – or worse – cocktail parties. This was not helped by the 10-person set of silverware and pile of good crystal sherry- and wine-glasses bestowed on me by my parents.
All made worse by memories of a childhood where my parents – who hated to entertain – had to hold formal dinner or cocktail parties regularly.
It was the 1960s, my Dad was on a university faculty, and if you *didn’t* entertain your colleagues and especially department heads and their spouses regularly – and do so “effortlessly” and “graciously” – you had just committed professional suicide.
After 40 years of eating with stainless steel flatware and never once hosting a formal 10-person suit-and-tie/evening frock dinner party or cocktail party, I sold the silverware…
I was sure I’d have to cut my long, straight blond hair and make it form a halo of tight grey curls. Not happening. Not as long, but still straight and mostly blond.
My grandma got her “hair set” every week and I’m still not quite entirely sure what that entailed 😅
When I was a kid I imagined she went and got one of those Legos sets and they put her hair on together with it. She was my evil grandma so I never dared to ask.
Maybe not one for the list quite yet…
I thought when I became an adult that I would have to cut my hair short when I got older. I’m rocking hair to my midback and it still looks great(ish). I want my young hair back 😭
Question- I remember references in the blog to different online tea stores Ilona orders from, but I can’t find the posts. Could you please help? 🙏
Thanks!
This is the most recent tea post 🙂 https://ilona-andrews.com/blog/tea-and-cooking/ Harney& Sons is a firm favourite!
Thank you!
I still have an expectation that at some point in my adult life I will have a secret bookshelf door that leads into a secret room, where I can read in solitude. Just because I’m already an adult doesn’t mean that I’ve given up hope of one day turning that dream into a reality.
The seiche on Lake Erie this week probably caused some quicksand. Just hearing that made me less jealous of people who could run across the mud and find things normally hidden.
I want a china cabinet. Maybe a few because they’re cheap now. They won’t hold china.
I like to collect china that I plan to use but I buy it very very very cheap and it should be really cute. Aladdin Teapots by Hall and Bucks County patterned dishes by Royal.
For me, adulthood is when you can’t eat a full package of biscuits without feeling unwell for the rest of the afternoon anymore.
Sad sad life, and it happened at 25 for me… Body betrayal…
I thought surprise guests wanting to have a party would be more of a thing. As an introvert with introvert friends, no idea why I thought this. I’m so relieved
Being an adult isn’t fun!
I expected to wear a lot more evening dresses, I’ll tell you!!
What a beautiful post idea, Mod R. Just reading through comments made me happy. Happy, happy belated birthday.
As a kid, growing up alongside Harry Potter, I was always fascinated by apparating, and Animagi, and flying. Now, I sometimes find myself suspiciously fascinated with a good old „Scourgify“ cleaning spell, and the way Mrs Weasleys dishes are cleaning themselves… 🙂
We were going to have a global thermonuclear war, which thankfully hasn’t happened. However, I did buy a china cabinet in my 50s, but truly only because I finally wanted to own fine china that I do use for “fancy” parties with children in my life. I was totally prepared for a giant earthquake to knock California off from the continent. I think I was mostly expecting more catastrophic things, quicksand or being stranded on a deserted island.
I don’t recall thinking I had to be ready for something that’s never happened. But I do still want to be an archaeologist when I grow up.
Every time I “build” a new house (an app on my phone, not in real life – I have done exactly zero of those in real life), I ALWAYS have at least one bookshelf that leads to a hidden room.
Someday I’ll be a real adult with a real secret room…
My friend was convinced that once she became an adult, i.e., turned 18, her acne would disappear. Needless to say…
I remember we “Were to Party Like Its 1999”. What happened, it’s almost the end of 2025?
Hey! Mod R! I got a China cabinet about 10 years ago and I use stuff in it ALOT.
Ok, I admit I’ve been weeding out OTHER stuff that I don’t use, and my kids don’t want. But on the whole, it’s been useful and fun.
And yeah, that transform a look thing? Never figured it out and never needed to.
As a child I thought it was always an expectation that I would grow up to find the person I was supposed to marry and then have multiple children by the time I was 30. It’s just something I assumed would happen, and I believe my parents assumed it as well for both me and my sister.
I’m now 39, and my sister is 42 and neither of us are married or have children. We’re living the happy single life with cats, we own our own homes, and we travel around the world as much as we can while working full time.
I’ve been to over 30 states in the U.S. and over 20 other countries, with future trips already planned. I’ve seen and experienced some of the most amazing things, and if you told my childhood self that is what I would be doing with my life, she’d have looked at you like you were crazy. 😅
I pictured myself reading on a porch and sitting in a rocking chair. My dog and cats would be near me. I would have fun friends who wanted to go to plays and concerts. It would take 40 years and retirement before I could do those things. Now I eat like a 12 year old and stay up as late as I want. Popcorn and wine can be a complete dinner. I still look for the closest exit no matter where I am in case of fire.
I have some family pieces of furniture that I love but aren’t so precious I can’t use them. My grandma told me don’t save things for a rainy day just use it. Your life is worth having pretty things for no reason at all. So, take your inner child to an event you like and eat whatever, whenever. All of us older kids do that. LOL
My secondborn just turned 43 last month. She was eight when I started buying Mikasa’s Classic Flair pattern in white. I am very fond of calla lilies, which is the pattern. I also found some flatware with a calla lily pattern. I have used these every day since I threw my first husband out, which happened about six months after I started buying them. Not tired of them yet.
I don’t know about adult but I realized I was old when the doctors were younger than me.
Oh, dude, yes.
How about when you find out that you’re the same age as a coworker’s parent?
/cry
I had that happen a couple of months ago. it didn’t feel good, at all. I decided not to let it bother me, because having kids young is great, but it shouldn’t affect what I did with my life
You get chosen for jury duty, and you realize that the prosecuting attorney- is younger than your kids. The doctor who is giving you a life changing diagnosis, and telling you the major lifestyle changes you must make, is younger than your kids.
oh yes that! and instructors at college…and senior managers…the list goes on and on and on
This happens daily! I work in a hospital and the other day I heard one of the doctors (obviously younger than me, but he’s a good doctor ;)) actually saying “Dude, bro…” multiple times during a conversation with another co-worker. I totally had a what’s up with kids these days moment!
Worst part was when I told my kids (not kids, 20, 22, 24 yo) this what I thought was a funny and shocking story later their response was “…So?”. I’m adjusting my ” adulting” attitude and vocabulary regularly it seems.
I am 45 and don’t own:
-lingerie
-high heels
-a little black dress
and somehow, I’m still okay.
You know what I do own? A house, a car, a real cute pocket pittie, and a sense of self-worth, especially after dumping the guy that invited his ex-wife to his family Thanksgiving instead of me.
I’m keeping a little black dress in reserve for funerals, worn with a sweater.
I finally, and with guilt and relief, got rid of the punch bowl handed down from my grandmother. Who even drinks punch thes days? I can hold 10 bottles of wine in the cabinet that sucker took up!! But when I was a kid, it seemed like adults had parties where punch wa a requirement.
Drinking punch goes on the list!
I’ve only ever seen it in American movies, not even the adults around me drank it, and I was never really sure what it is, and yet it still seemed like it was going to be a thing 😀
I’ve been exposed to punch at a couple of work parties. Consisted mostly of melted ice and tasted sort of like alcoholic kool-aid.
On the rare occasion I have a large party I do make punch and then I set the alcohol bottles around the punch bowl. I call it choose your own adventure punch and everyone can dose their own cup with whichever alcohol and whatever amount they prefer.
My recipe is equal parts sprite and cranberry juice plus a jar of mandarin oranges and the syrup. I like it best with gin.
Lorraine – you are doing punch properly imo!
but in the UK rum punch at events like carnival are a thing, and by the sounds of the comments below, might be a better alternative to try before the US equivalent….also would Pims be classed as British punch? hmmmm
When I was a kid we always had a punch bowl full of fruit juice and ginger ale at summer parties, mainly for the kids as the adults were all drinking beer.
my first experience of punch was at a frat party in the USA. It was mixed in the bathtub with a baseball bat – no bowl required…
1 bottle white grape juice
1 bottle ginger ale soda
1 bottle champaign
is light, sweet, oh so bubbly 🥳
How did you get rid of it? I have one that has just been sitting around for a few years. It is haunted, I would like it gone.
Best adulting moment for me was discovering that wine glasses, plates, cutlery, and even punch bowls can all be rented (and returned dirty)! Freed me from China cabinets and punch bowls in one swoop!
Right?!? but even as a kid when we did have punch it was never served in the fancy punch bowl it was put in a plastic one so it didn’t get broken… what was the crystal one for then!
Champagne punch is the BEST! But very alcoholic, we serve it at holiday gatherings and I do have a punch bowl that I use. The last few years no one wants that much alcohol because apparently when you’re an adult you don’t drink as much (there’s one of those things, I thought there would be a lot more cocktail parties!), something about health, responsibilities, allergies, work schedules… I don’t remember the rest because I was drinking the punch, yum.
However, my punch bowl doubles as a cake stand. Flip the base over and the lid upside down, viola, punch bowl. So I get good use of it.
I am old enough that I remember being worried about getting bitten by a TseTse fly and falling asleep forever . . .
I lived on Vancouver Island when I was younger (1967-1986) and the constant anxiety over a big earthquake that would dump the whole island into the ocean was real.
Now I have real anxiety about things like affording housing and buying food.
When I was young, I wanted someone to love me, marry me and have children with me. After graduating college, we got married and raised 3 children. After 58 years we are still married. Just turned 80 and have 7 grandchildren. Marriage is never perfect, always changing and adjusting to each other. Roles change, but that’s fine. We still love each other and laugh together. Being an adult is great. I can eat a cookie when I want and stay up late reading. Being retired makes that easier. Happy Birthday ModR. Enjoy each decade.
Judy, I so love your responses, and agree about eating cookies and staying up late reading (better than parties, for sure!) and many blessings upon you and your family ❤️
One adulty thing I’ve never *needed* to know how to do, is use hot rollers. Seriously. They just aren’t necessary.
What I did need to know, and learned the hard way, was how to file taxes; and basic vehicle maintenance.
this..I still have vehicles repairs on my list of things of like to be able to do.
A few years ago I gave away my Mom’s china to a great-niece. I didn’t make the mistake of asking if she wanted it. I just cleaned it and put it in a rubbermaid tub. I hope she likes it but it is no longer my problem! She may have passed it on to a cousin that bought their 1st home. That’s fine too. I did keep 2 cups and saucers and the sugar bowl and creamer. The whole set was pretty but huge. It had extras like a gravy boat and a platter and big serving bowls. We used it about once a year in my childhood and I eventually inherited it. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I hope your birthday was a happy one and you got lots of goodies that you like!
Well I used to think I would one day go skydiving. Nope. I used to think I would be a gracious hostess. Nope. I as a small child, thought I would go to supper clubs and have cocktails like June Allen, Humphrey, Joan, Betty, et. al. Nope. I thought I would have very exciting nights. Nope. But its ok.
I definitely agree with the expectation of dinner parties – that hasn’t happened at all!
One of my favourite things about being a proper adult has been the ability to definitively say no to the sales lady who is trying to tell me that the outfit really suits me. Younger me found those ladies terrifying…
Occasionally I will turn around and realise (again) that I am officially an adult, usually when one of my adult children messages me with a question about how to relight the gas hot water system, or asks what “dependents” means when filling out the tax return form. Or when my 25yo son expressed envy of my fully-stocked kitchen and I calculated and told him it was the result of 32 years of collecting cookware (flipping heck, when did that happen???) 😉
The rest of the time I am happily pootling along reading ridiculous numbers of books, changing hair colours and cackling wildly over rude jokes (generally shared by my middle-aged knitting friends)!
I still vividly recall the day I got into a car with one of my much older brothers thinking “when I’m an adult, I’ll be able to choose what’s on the radio.” It stood for all those things that other people decided that I now choose for myself — including a china cabinet and using my grandmother’s grandmother’s china that we want to make special, and some that aren’t. Among other things, the plates are so much smaller than what we serve food on these days, it’s a really nice reminder about portion size! My mother died when I was young, and I like the connection and the continuity to all those who came before me, and the very different lives they lived.
I was 33, two kids, still looking good, lol. I had to go on a small plane, single engine, to another state for work. The pilot went out and started twirling the prop around and I, was in the bar in the airport having a fortifying drink. I decided he was winding up the rubber band. Then, as the plane was so small, he greeted me as I entered and I asked him if he even had his automobile driver’s license as he looked sixteen. He was very nice about my comment, shouldn’t had that drink. But I decided then that I was oh so old. That was thirty years ago and the pilots keep looking waaaay to young to me!
I still regularly expect I might need to chop someone’s head off just to be really sure. So many films I saw growing up had the bad guy return from the dead! Now any time a movie villain pops up from supposed death I can’t help but wonder how the heroes even allowed it to happen, because I myself would surely be decapitating any of my enemies.
I also live in mortal fear of level crossings, playing with fireworks (won’t even touch a sparkler), electricity substations and dark and lonely pools, especially quarry ponds.
#EveryHorrorMovieFranchiseEver
#ChildOfTheSeventies #ChildOfTheEighties
#PublicInformationFilmsUK iykyk
I thought I had to like coffee, tea, and alcohol. None of which I have ever acquired the taste for. Turns out, it’s quite fine to have a sprite at a party even if you’re a grownup, or hot chocolate if it’s cold out.
(I’m 65.)
Since people are talking about ages they feel, just recently I told a friend of my grandson’s who came with him when I called him over for something that physically I was 72, mentally I was 39.
[chuckling] And then the day comes when you retire from work, and your colleagues take you out to dinner. You’ll try to keep in touch but the next time you see most of them at their funeral. Some day the last of them will attend yours.
Of course, at your retirement luncheon you will realize that everything you’ve accomplished professionally is all that upu ever woll accomplish professionally, though probably you came to grips with that years before.
I had a good life and a great career. I married a wonderful woman and we had great kids. They’ve given us wonderful grandkids. I’d like to be more healthy but so far the number of times I have awakened equal the number of times I went to sleep, and there are worse fates.
My husband retired within weeks of a co-worker. We were already friends with his family. We meet him and his wife almost every Friday at the guys favorite diner for lunch. When we ate together the first time his wife told me that their doctor advised them to keep up their outside-the-family contacts! Last month we attended a surprise party for another co-worker’s 70th birthday. We gave him a lap quilt I made and a book my husband picked out. Later this week he will get his yearly batch of Christmas cookies! My friend we eat out with got a fruitcake I made. She does actually like them!
The adult expectations of the whole formal China and entertaining a certain way. we do pot luck and paper plates. The other thing was the career- Supposed to be nursing secretarial or teaching. I’m a metallurgical chemist who buys substation gear for an investor owned utility. I am such a nerd, long before that was popular. oh and the girl in the room was supposed to take notes and get coffee. not if I’m giving the presentation! I’m 67.
ModR, this is for you: https://www.brightgreendoor.com/diy-hidden-doorway-bookcase/.
I’ve had that sitting in my bookmarks for years with a dream of building it. Guess we both watched way too much Scooby-Doo in our formative years.
When we all started working remotely, I converted the spare bedroom into an office, and then had (?) to conceal the closet with a bookshelf door. It’s not as fantastic as it sounds – the extra width of the bookshelf limits logistics in & out of the closets. However, there is a closet in the adjacent bedroom that has a thin adjoining wall, and it is soooo tempting to take out the wall and put another bookshelf door on that closet so I could have a secret passage ….
Milestone birthdays are still good. Wait till you start having millstone birthdays.
I admit that I’m 74 and haven’t had one yet.
When I was younger a fear was being set on fire. SO MANY STOP/DROP/ROLL drills.
I’m 64, have met thousands of people and not one has ever been set on fire and had to STOP/DROP/ROLL.
We practiced hiding under our desks in case of a nuclear attack. Now they teach the same thing in case of an earthquake.
Me too.
In hindsight it’s hilarious to think that was a safety drill for a nuclear attack. 🤦🏻♀️
Was just laughing about this with my brother and sister. We decided it was better than nothing and might save you from debris at least. As a kid I was deathly afraid the bombs would start dropping any minute. Late 70s, early 80s, wheeee!
I for one thought I would be on fire way more than zero times.
I think it partly depends on your job. My dad was a mechanic and welder and set himself and other things on fire a few times.
I expected my co-workers to be a lot more entertaining. Everybody on TV and in books was always was getting involved in wacky shenanigans.
This… so much this…
My china cabinet holds my Lego. I will probably get a few to hold my husband’s camera collection and more of my Legos.
My grandfather had a BUNCH of ultra-wide ties that he kept, saying that they’d “come back someday”. He was right. It took 30 years, but then everyone was wearing them again.
So….. Those clothes in the closet that I was going to donate to Goodwill cause they’re out of style and for old ladies now. Maybe I should keep them after all?
I totally understand the china cabinet and contents…I got not one set of china but three!!! My mom and grandmother were over achievers. It took me about ten years but I finally figured out how to say no. Then came the pianos, dining room table, and three hope chests! Are we seeing a pattern? My family loved doling out large helpings of guilt when relocating family items.
On the other side of adulting: my drink of choice is a Shirley Temple and I will order one whenever and wherever I please. I’ve never been pressured into the alcohol drinking that was talked about in my youth. In the 90s I had a professional wardrobe (nylons, slips, heels, etc) because it was expected. It was all gone within 15 years and l don’t even wear skirts because I’m most comfortable in pants/capris and flip flops. I teach elementary school and I wear what is comfortable for me.
My biggest turning point: I don’t make my bed and I don’t use a flat sheet! Absolutely scandalous if my mother ever found out and my grandmother would do the whole rolling over in the grave. A light weight blanket for the summer and a comforter added for the winter. Not having a flat sheet allows me to sleep reversed (putting my head at the foot of the bed) because sometimes I can’t sleep and that can help settle my brain for some reason.
honestly mod R i think you’re finding a lot of secret doors leading to concealed rooms… every time you get a behind the bookcase peek at House Andrews projects while we, the BDH, malinger outside the house trying to see in the windows.
😉
I hope it was a happy birthday and that Mr. Mod R made it special. Or that you decided that you would do something special yourself.
Life is what happens when you are planning other things. I thought my life would include a lot more travel, but it did have quite a bit. I wanted more kids, and didn’t expect the special needs journey, but you don’t get to choose that, either. My daughter is a joy for all that it has taken.
If you ever get near my neck of the woods, I have friends with a bookcase hiding a secret stair. I’ll take you over.
when my only offspring was turning 6 or so I asked my Dad when he felt like an adult…I was roughly 27. Dad said he still felt 16, on a good day. At 45, I am still shocked when I am the “adultiest adult” in the room! I’m convinced adulthood is a marketing tactic 😉
Magazines convinced me the Christmas season was going to a month and a half of glitzy evenings out, multiple posh dinner parties and more than one work night out. I avoid my work nights out, any dinner parties I’ve gone to have been for pizza and pasta and (so far anyway) have only ever been to one glitzy event which wasn’t a wedding. Who are these people leading these high octane lives?!?
happy birthday. most of the time I just feel that I’m still growing up (mid 40s here) and have those I’d like to be able to do that by the time I grow up moments.
along side moments of how the hell are you pregnant and married when helping a random person on the street find somewhere and she looked 14!!!!
extreme swings and roundabouts 😆
I recently full filled my dream of a ‘secret’ passage to a room in the house. It’s more like a door that looks like a cupboard in the hallway that has another hallway and room instead of a cupboard but it fills my childish heart with joy.
Always thought I had to settle down and have a family and was so happy when I realised that it’s not mandatory.
I’m lucky enough that I spent my 20s and 30s travelling and working in amazing places, still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.
Still hoping to design and build my dream house one day which will definately have secret rooms and passages.
Also, I thought whirlpools were going to be a danger, 50+ years and still haven’t seen a proper one.
Piranhas were supposed to be an absolute terror. Nope.
I hope your birthday was amazing!
First time I realized I was an adult; I ate all the cake batter and no one was around to tell me no. Then realized it’s really not such a great idea🤢!
Driving across the desert (by myself) and not being abducted by aliens; this was a fear when I was 6🤣. I don’t know why, at the time I lived in New York City. Nowhere near a desert!
It hit me in the face that I was ranked in the “older” category; my gynecologist is younger than my children 🤨 I really just LOOKED at her and thought,GEEZ.
Well, I’m still planning the hidden door book case thing, but currently renting. Also: Masked Ball. Still on my to do list.
You are not alone having dealt with reality versus expectations I fully expected to have to constantly do diy home renovations (look out deck see me sanding every weekend) or running from a white van.
I remember as a kid being reassured by the thought that by the time I would become an adult I would have received the knowledge to have All the Answers like my parents clearly had received at some point.
It was a rude awakening when I turned legally an adult that this knowledge was gathered by simply living life and making mistakes. How dare everyone just be faking knowing exactly what to do!
Now it’s a consolation to realize that everyone is just doing the best they can lol.
I do actually have a China cabinet. It was one of those things that I was expected (in an unspoken way) to get when I was furnishing my first house, so I did it without question.
Of course a husband was another of those things and I didn’t do that one.
As an avid “Tomorrow’s World” watcher, I did expect more flying cars in general, but my expectations of adulthood have largely been fulfilled 🤷🏻♀️
Sounds like a to-do list?
When will the contractor arrive? Or do you have to build the secret room yourself, in the dead of night so that nobody can know that it’s there?
Oh! The china and silverware (real silver you had to polish)! My mother insisted I put this on my wedding registry. I refused to get real silver and got fancy stainless and got a very plain design in my china. My mother was aghast at my choice. My husband is a retired US Marine so we moved every few years. My china ended up being stored in my in-laws basement for most of the years. When he retired and we got our permanent house, we retrieved the china and have used it maybe 4 times in 15 years!!!! Just ridiculous. My best friend inherited her mom’s china and uses it for everyday and puts it in the dishwasher….WHAT!
I thought I’d have to solve a lot more algebra….a+b = c has never occurred.
Well I do have a china cabinet that belonged to my mother, filled with an old set of china from my family and then another that I collected, as I love dishes! My crystal collection lives on the top of the cabinet.
I was always very thin as a child and young adult and expected to turn into a thin old lady. Hah!!! Am working on getting closer to the thin part, and realizing that yes, I am old now
I had a good giggle over this, and Mod R, I have no idea how old you are, but at 58, I, too, wonder why I never had to turn a day outfit into clever evening wear. I only stopped worrying about quicksand about ten years ago when I started hiking. Thanks for the laugh.
At about 16, I painstakingly made deviled eggs because I knew they were a staple of my future dinner parties. Couldn’t find paprika so I used cayenne pepper. I’ll never know if that was a good idea because I HATE eggs so I gave them to my younger brothers to eat. They devoured them and asked for more, which is when I realized the difference between enthusiastic supporter and the helpful feedback of an actual critic. For whatever reason, I never made them again.
Growing up for me there was always an emphasis on hosting and being a guest. Like, this is how you host a baby shower or Thanksgiving or a dinner party and if you get *invited to one of these events you MUST a) bring a hostess/host gift b) never arrive exactly on time as this is rude, unless it’s a dinner reservation or event with a start time in which case you must be 15 min early c) have at least 2 anecdotes ready to tell people that are inane and inoffensive. I used to keep notes in a journal. ALSO a checkbook and how to balance it. My mother pounded it into me. And teachers telling me “well you’re not going to have a calculator in your pocket.” Joke is on you madam, we now have an entire computer in our pockets, much less a calculator.
I don’t understand why people don’t use the china. It’s beautiful & was FREE to you. Could i use a giant coffee mug, sure, but 2 in my pretty cup & sauce is nice too. Hell my afternoon tea just feels so much more in an actual tea cup. Ginger ale in a champaign glass is just awesomeness. Is half of it chipped, hell yes. Is the next generation getting it, no, I never wanted kids & when I’m gone it’s ALL someone else’s problem. And I remember my dear ones every time I use the stuff. Don’t get rid of it & don’t hide it. That punch bowl doubles as a great salad bowl for lunch with friends.
I thought I’d be living on an L5 colony by the time I became a senior citizen.
Hey, Mod R, my cute face disappeared and became a quilt pattern. How did I do that again? I had a Bitmoji me sitting and reading that used to be there.
Are you definitely using the same email address as your Gravatar account has?
I would also check Gravatar itself, see if everything is still set 🙂
I thought having kids was an aspect of adulting I didn’t get to make my own choices about. By the time I met my husband, we were old enough to question – did we really want to upheave and bankrupt our lives with kids? Anytime we hear a child crying we look at each other and ask “still cool with our choice?” “YUP!”
Things I never imagined as a child but that make my life Amazing: I host tea parties at work (I’m a librarian) with my Grandmothers antique teacups, travel, joined a yoga studio, host monthly board game meetups, attend conventions, knit (I also run a fiber arts meet up group at work), have the house of my dreams, a husband who is PERFECT for me (15 years and going strong!) and a spoiled cat!
When I think of the life I live, I am filled with awe and wonder. I thought adulting would suck. Instead it is filled with magic and joy. I feel like the luckiest of people. <3
Just had a “milestone” birthday in October, and I’m still working on developing an adult attitude. I still like to skip instead of run, and still play with toys, which are more expensive than the ones I had when I was young.
No china cabinets or secret rooms yet, but someone posted up a list of bucket items on another forum I visit, and I checked off 22 of the 25 items listed.
Never expected to last 75 years, but having a loving wife since 1990 has made the trip great.
Still wishing for that flying car that I can park in the garage.
I just had that milestone birthday too (75), and I think all of my childhood expectations of adulthood have long gone. I guess that’s one good thing about getting to this age!
I know, right! Being adult is really, really boring. Get to work on time, get the groceries, go back to get the stuff you forgot the first trip, cooking and all the endless cleaning. Blah, blah, blah. At this point I would like a little quicksand, just a little.
I still don’t feel ‘like an adult’. It’s hard to explain what I expected all I know is that I definitely do not ‘feel’ like how I thoughts adults must feel when I was a kid. A contributing factor to this may be that my husband and I decided not to have kids, but we are very happy in our choice (our spoiled cats also agree lol).
We do have a china cabinet but it’s really just a collection of fun drinkware from our vacations, no fancy dishes to look at but never use.
I also do not have to ‘get ready’ every day. I work from home and often just work in my PJs all day but I remember my Mom always got up and did her hair and makeup ‘just in case’…
Keeping my teenage, button-up Levi jeans and hoping to one day fit into them again was a dream I’ve come to grips with, although I still can’t give them up along with a few other clothes I’ll never fit into again. I still prefer jeans and t-shirts and long for the days when a woman’s hand actually fully fit into pants pockets. What is up with that!?! I used to tell people I’m XX age but 12 years old in my head. I’m now feeling older in my head too. Giving up some of my dreams as I aged was a stark realization that I’m not immortal. But I can dream while reading about Dina and Gertrude Hunt. Wish they were in my neighborhood.
I finally started buying Wrangler from their website, so I could have jeans that fit my hands in the pockets!
I only buy pants from Duluth Trading Company now for that very reason, but I sure wish Levis and the rest of them still had real pockets. If one company can do it, why can’t everyone?
When I told my husband I was pregnant the first time, I expected him to ask me if I was all right and immediately ask me to sit down. Didn’t happen. Also I pictured him scooping me up and carrying me into the hospital when it came time for the birth. Also didn’t happen. I guess I believed the scenes in all those old movies with pregnancy that projected women as more feeble and men as more panicky than reality. I was surprised at how able I continued to be and was playing volleyball until a month before delivery
Nothing makes it crystal clear that life is NOT going to b like you’d planned as kids do.
Use the China!!! My husband bought China, before he met me, when he was stationed in Greece. It’s a lovely understated Noritake called Thule. When we first got married (35 years ago) we used it as our everyday dishes. I no longer have eight full place settings because we used it. But that’s okay. I pull it out for family dinners because, what are we saving it for? We don’t entertain like previous generations did with a formal table. I’d rather use it often, break more pieces and get enjoyment out of it. If I had a big punch bowl, we’d have more punch!
Lisacharlotte:
You can get replacement pieces for your pattern from Replacements,Ltd here: https://www.replacements.com/search?query=noritake%20thule&pattern-match=1
Highly recommended. I’ve been filling in the discontinued sterling flatware pattern I inherited from my mother, the discontinued silverplate flatware pattern from my paternal grandmother, the German china pattern from my mother and her mother, the English china pattern Mr. Wife and I chose for ourselves, and the sweet post-war Japan pattern my sister picked up at a garage sale — that took care of birthday and Christmas presents for five years (!) And they’re keeping an eye out for my grandmother’s German sterling, but I’m not sanguine that will ever be found on the American side of the pond.
It looks like eBay also offers possibilities, so you get to hunt for the best price where available. 😉 I stuck with the highest rated vendors when I bought from them, just in case… Happy shopping! https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=noritake+thule&_trksid=p4624852.m4084.l1313
I hear the consignment shops have zillions of lovely punchbowls, cheap. I borrowed one for a baby shower. If I entertained more, I’d def own one. Although I might end up w the one I’d borrowed from a cousin.
Great question.
I thought I would have a lot more travel to exotic scenes–beaches, undiscovered archeological treasures.
Oh yeah, and actual treasure. I really thought that would be a feature of my retirement plan.
I still hope on that one.
Requiring a massive table for family get togethers. Also having at least 16 place settings.
I only had 2 kids.
Selling the 2200 sq ft house +basement and moving into my daughter’s 900sq ftbasement suite was not on my bingo card but life is a constant change.
My husband is retiring in two weeks and we want to travel.
The closest child lives 3 hrs away.
Since the kid’s renters have moved on we saw a perfect solution to our problem of dog sitting and house watching.
My daughter just finished Uni and is now a veterinarian (she talked us into another rescue gsd) our pups second home.
Later we can decide where to move once we have quelled the travel bug.
Now what to do with all this stuff? 🫣
Well – now I know why you look so spangly on those rare times when we get to see you on the screen. And you have literally thousands of fans who adore you. How many people can say that?
But yes, childhood expectations (dreams) can haunt you for a long time. I was going to grow up to be an IBM selectric typewriter repairman or a Hollywood stuntman. I still think about that. I’m an accountant and that profession gave me a nice retirement allowing me to fulfill many bucket list items. But as I can almost see the Last Bus rounding the corner, I don’t think I missed anything important. Or maybe nothing really seems important any more. Life is good.
So happy for you. That is a blessing.
Yes I did think I was going to be Queen of England…I was sure of it. THANK GOD that I will never have to live that life style… I honestly feel sorry for those people.
I always thought there was a point where you figured out how to adult. After college. When you got married. When you had a kid (or kids). Nope, still trying to figure it out. Maybe it was the day I told my kid that adults don’t get summer vacation and he gave me the most horrified look ever. That was probably it…
I love your dp Melissa.
I expected to be off climbing mountains and discovering ancient civilization. Or possibly in jungles, surveying for fabulous mines, emeralds, gold, possibly even oil. Yeah, these days I won’t even walk in the woods for fear of copperheads. Not nearly as exciting. Some mountains, no civilizations. A few abandoned mine dumps, no exciting discoveries. Okay, one small aquamarine. And, doggone it, I do have a china cabinet. Two of em. And I never even had china as a desired wedding present 60 odd years ago. But I’ve had love, seen beauty and met interesting and sometimes brilliant people. Life may be what happens while we make other plans, but it never fails to surprise.
Honestly, I thought I’d get married in a gorgeous medieval wedding dress, like the one from Genevieve & The Knight. I designed it in my head in my early 20’s, like many a young woman.
It wouldn’t be white though, maybe a stunning emerald green, or purple, with big long sleeves almost to the ground, & intricate trim detailing, a long flowing dress.
Sadly, I didn’t meet the man of my dreams (not perfect, but perfect for me), until I reached the rather mor mature age of 41.. Just long enough to have given up on producing a mini me.. so at least I’m ‘off the shelf’ as it were.. (I’m ok with that, it wasn’t an overwhelming need to produce offspring, I just assumed I would meet my baby daddy, & it would happen).
No plans to start a family so late in life, & he already had an adult child… (who is lovely by the way, so maybe I’ll still get to be a grandma.. they are trying..)
Anyhow, fast forward to now, my perfect for me man loves me for who I am, and if he ever does decide he might like to marry me, or have a commitment ceremony, I’m going to have to re–think the dress design.
Maybe I’ll just make it for a costume party or Halloween…
sigh… seems more fitting now I’m in my early 50’s..
Mod R, great post! So many things resonated, I responded way too many times (sorry) but just spent an hour and a half laughing and saying “No way! Me too!” over and over. Thanks for that. Happy Belated Birthday!
I was a dreamy eyed bookworm who loved sci-fi. Definitely thought there would be more automation in my life by this point, especially when it comes to food. On the other hand, I do not miss what began as huge improvements in my life; the curling light sensitive faxes, cassette and VCR tapes, programmable VCR so you could watch your show when you wanted, looooong wall phone cords etc.
Weirdly enough, I thought adulthood meant I would stop reading. I grew up in a home where the adults respected reading and encouraged it in us kids, but didn’t do it themselves. As a result, I never wanted to grow up. . . and perhaps I didn’t. Cuz now that I’m retired, I read like it’s a mission from god.
I had an obsessive fear that I would always have to be cleaning out gutters on my house when I was a grownup. I can attest that (at 52), I have yet to need to clean out a single gutter, but I did have a panic attack at the thought that I would need to do so when I bought my first house. Nope.
I wish my build up was as whimsical as quicksand or socialite party prep (I remember those magazine articles!).
I kinda feel like my entire childhood was built on the expectation that if you tried hard, did well, and got a college degree, life would go swimmingly. It would be easy to obtain and enjoy the nuclear family lifestyle. The “fairy tale” true love story that propagated and permeated the media was a narrative I held dear.
My life has ended up the opposite of that. 😅
Ah yes, this (not) easy to obtain lifestyle was the source of my first depression. I definitely believed that if you put in the work it was supposed to fall in place. Sigh. Despite this I still like where my life seems to be going.
Well you can take all those expectations and shower all that love on yourself. You deserve it.
Gowns. and the stunning heels to go with them. For some reason, I thought I would get to go to lots of parties where everyone would be in formal dress. This dream died a rapid death when I started working. At the end of a week, working 12 hours a day on concrete, my feet and high heels were not on speaking terms. My friends all voted for pot luck and sitting down as a great time.
For me, the china cabinet houses science fiction/ fantasy memorobilia. Had to get two. *LOL*
Milestone birthday in October, and still playing with Legos.
I love my ‘China cabinet’. I’m not sure what it was intended to b, but ever since the first time I visited my boyfriend at his parents home (we were both 19.), I loved the long cabinet with tall 4-sided pyramid glass display towers on either end. I also fell in love with my then-boyfriend/now-husband of 33 years. Ownership of the cabinet came much later.
I think our generation is better at including fun in adulting. But I still remember all the tips about outfits that could easily switch to other times of day/night. I also had my colors ‘done’ and still own bead necklaces that I can knot in a bunch of different ways. But ofc, I don’t bother. I planned to never learn how to cook, because it was expected all women would. But it turns out I like eating meals, not just baked goods. My grandmother must have taught me to bake, because I always use butter to grease the pan, and my mom(who also taught me a lot about baking) used crisco or sprayed Pam. And with a food allergy, if I want certain types of food, we have to make it ourselves.
A friend of the family who is fairly new to adulting recently told me that she finds managing the logistics of 3 meals a day pretty challenging when combined with grad school/clinicals/etc. If she wasn’t 1000 miles away, I’d get her here for a meal once a week. Prob not w the china, but at least at my kitchen table. As it is, gave her some advice on stocking frozen/canned goods. She also tends to arrive from breaks w a snowstorm, so we chatted about having some food always on hand. She grew up in Texas. Before she went north for school I helped her pick out a good winter coat, as she’d never owned one (LLBean). I had to laugh when she said she’d Amazoned a snow shovel and kitty litter to keep in her car.
My biggest items of what it meant to be an adult were to own a house and to be married, neither of which have I done. I also thought that as a feminist I was supposed to do something important such as engineering or being a diplomat. And though I would have loved to have been a spy, there was the small problem of not believing in lying. Ah well. Today, I am working towards being a librarian and hopefully getting that house. Also, I was in my late 30s before I felt like an adult and if I remember right it had to do with accepting responsibilty.
I grew up certain that at some point I was going to be on fire, buried under snow, lost in the wilderness, stuck on a roof, and any other number of things we trained for in childhood.
For adult milestones, fake or otherwise, I never joined an HOA or a PTA or a neighborhood watch. I’m not on the planning board of anything. I’m not a part of the church social committee. I’ve never been a Girl Scout Cookie Mom or a Soccer Mom or, in fact, a mom at all.
While I have help numerous friends with house projects, I’ve never been a part of a roving band of adults sharing the task of re-tar’ing the driveways of ourselves and our neighbors.
I do have a china cabinet; it’s full of tea sets I’ve collected over the years. My inherited china is still in its box in the attic.
I actually did get stuck in something resembling quick sand a few years ago in a suburban front yard.
Weirdly the only consequence was eating lunch with my friend and her family wrapped in a dinosaur bedsheet.
I never learned to knit and mend and barely cook. I nave never wanted (or had) the responsibility of children or home ownership.
I have had part of a graduate degree and the (perfect for me) job as a file clerk at a major bank.
I surprised myself as much as anyone when I met my husband at 41. Married him at 43 and moved to a foreign country (Tokyo) with him from 43-45.
At 50 we became the parents of a long-haired mini dachshund who is convinced she is a people.
I’m 61 now and there has never been a day I would have traded my life for a house in the suburbs, a picket fence and 2.5 kids.
You have to live the life that suits who you are.
Also, reading is akin to oxygen and bookcases count as decorating.
This is the hill I will die on 🙂
Amen.
Yes on the flying car! I have a friend who invented one and tested it as far as I know just waiting for funding for production. You reminded me to check in on him, it has been years.
My childhood expectations had to do with mansions with endless rooms full of exotic pets and horses. Heh, kind of like the fiction I read. In real life, I have come to prefer a right sized bungalow and 2 perfect cats. But it doesn’t feel like settling. Keeping up a huge mansion with or without staff would be annoying and so would wrangling a menagerie. The things I like to spend my time on I discovered as I went through life.
Hehe
I thought my life would be full of large dinner parties like my grandparents and parents. With people judging me for my cooking and house decorating and china and flatware. One of the first things I bought as an adult was a 20 place setting Wedgwood bone china set. Then crystal stemware for 12 including apertif glasses! I was all set if the queen came to call.
Then one day I realized: No. I am an introvert who is fully capable of hosting parties and can cook for a large crowd: true. But… I don’t enjoy the formality and judgement and expectation.
So I have made a great deal of effort to surround myself with genuine people who come to see me, spend time with me, and don’t care if I used the right napkins.
So.. I started donating and selling everything that didn’t suit my real life. Decided hosting game nights for my friends and the rare holiday for my family is what I enjoy.
I didn’t realize when I was young that protecting my peace and setting strong boundaries is something I am entitled to.
Wonderful.
Happy belated birthday Mod R! Hope the year ahead is your best so far!
I have a china cabinet, from my grandmother, but none of us wanted the actual china (as the eldest, I had first dibs). The cabinet comes in handy now that I live in a house of roughly the same vintage (ca. 1920). Closets were not a thing when this place was built. The cedar wardrobe my parents bought at auction in the 70s is also in use in the hall (open floor plans also not a thing a century ago).
For most of my YA life, switching from daytime to nighttime required taking off coveralls, and quite often a shower as well. I gave up on cosmetics in college – Irish skin didn’t tolerate them well, and it definitely freed up time in the morning as well as room in the budget. However when I did dress up, the shock on male friends’ faces was most satisfactory.
Things I thought would be a problem: for those growing up Roman Catholic and attending parochial school in the 60s, nuclear strikes were in a dead heat with martyrdom (and, of course, could potentially be combined for convenience). Also, persecution by Protestants. The neighbors on our block were okay, of course. Beyond that, who could say? Joined the Episcopal Church in my 30s; haven’t persecuted anyone yet. 😀
And now we have communicators, but no phasers. Truly, life is unfair.
But no tricorders. Its good we have no phasers, because man…
Yeah, target-rich for sure.
Let’s see. Well, first there are the husband and children that I didn’t get—everyone I knew who wanted them just got them along the line and it didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t. Then there was retiring early with a good retirement income—I am 65 and the only reason I can semi-retire is due to support from family, sigh. Yes, there was definitely the largish two-story house with hidden rooms and staircases—I am living in a nice apartment, at least. Needing a big table for the big family events—nope. I do have a china hutch. My grandpa made it for my grandma. It isn’t super fancy and is made from very high-grade plywood with nice veneers (they had this back in the day). I let the china go in the estate sale but do use the hutch for my teapots, cups and saucers, and so on. I don’t have anyone to leave my stuff to, however, and that makes me sad. I need to adopt some adult kids and some grandkids.
Other than that, I just thought my life would be completely different than it is now, that bigotry would be a thing of the past, that the work week would be 25-hours a week, and that I would have a hover car.
It never occurred to me that I could be an adult and still have teddy bears and play with LEGO and sit cross-legged on the floor. Those things I am happy about.
I used to watch the kite surfers and hangliders from the cliffs of Dallas Road in Victoria on Vancouver Island, and imagine it would be possible for me one day.
I’d bring music, a blanket and a book, on days I wasn’t well enough to walk.
On the plus side, while there are still days like that, there is also a warm fireplace, three soft purring grey cats and an actual hidden room behind my real bookcase (full of IA books)…
Thank you, ModR, for sharing this thought provoking post! The responses reminded me over and over again how unique and similar we truly are!
Thank you to the Horde for responding with all your varied perspectives!
My adulting goal was to get out of my parents house with a job with which I could live independently – goal met. Global travel was on the list but then went away as the need (urgency?) to be doing/ moving / being somewhere else faded. Power to everyone and their dreams – may they all come true! (Success in my book at this point in my life (post retirement) are fuzzy socks, fleecy pants, a blanket and a dead tree book)
Send peace, health and safety to all!
You must be a generation behind me. As Gen X, I fully expected to have to know how to cobble together my own escape vehicle by now.
To be fair, I kind of have. It just wasn’t as literal as child me expected.
I feel you – I‘m fifty (OMG….🙈) and look like a responsible adult on the outside. You know, work full time for decades now, pay taxes, bought a flat and stuff like that. But I still expect someone telling me some day that it‘s now time that I stop playing the adult and start REALLY being one 😂