ILONA ANDREWS

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Agent Queries and Rejections

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Have you got any good hints for agent query letters, or how to find one? I’ve self-published eight books on Kindle, and with my new series (that isn’t self-published yet), I’d like to try traditional publishing, but all I’m getting are rejections. My self-published books get decent reviews, so I think my quality can’t be that bad…

First, a caveat. I used to belong to a writer email loop, and one time some new authors were sharing their difficulties with submissions. An established author, who had published a break out work a couple of decades ago, immediately informed everyone that this was not how the process worked and that they didn’t understand things. This person hadn’t had to submit their work for a very long time. They simply informed the publisher that their next novel was ready, and the publisher was overjoyed. They completely missed the fact that a debut author’s experience was vastly different and the industry had progressed in the last 20 years.

I haven’t had to hunt for an agent or shop my work for 10 years. Like many established writers, I have only my own frame of reference. My experiences may not be applicable to you.

Now on to the querying process.

Your question is telling me that you are misunderstanding the way this business works. It’s not about your reviews. It’s about your sales. Do you have sales? How many? Get those numbers.

Before you sit down to write your query, let’s gather some data.

  • Genre of the work
  • Word Count
  • Comps
  • Prior sales and experience
  • Top 5 choices for your agent
Sales

Let’s say that I’m self-published author Lorna Sterling. I have a fantasy romance series of 5 books, which I selfpublished. I chose to not enter it into KU. It sold a total of 30,000 copies.

Genre

My new fantasy novel is about a magic military academy focused on creating Pairs. A Pair is a team of two fighters bonded together by magical means which allows them to achieve synergy in battle. The members of a Pair usually consist of a Blade and a Shield, one person who is using offense and one person who defends. Sometimes there are variations, people who can use both offensive and defensive tactics or teams that have two Blades, for example. We are going to have a lot of fights in this book, so we need variety.

At the end of their training, Pairs enter a tournament that determines their placement. The best performing Pairs get cushy jobs like King’s Guard. The worst performing Pairs end up in the city watch or on the border protecting the Kingdom from some terrible threat, we will need to think about it.

I’m building this as we go, so let’s see, I need a hero, let’s name him Ludwig, because I’m feeling German this morning and the name means “famous warrior.” I need a heroine, we will name her Ella in keeping with a German theme.

They need solid motivations for entering this academy. Let’s say Ella’s mother came from a successful merchant family and she married a minor noble. Ella is the oldest of three children, with her sister and brother significantly younger then her, probably about 5 or 6 years. Although Ella has the Pair magic and it is very strong, her plan was never to enter the academy. She was just planning to take over her mother’s business interests, marry for love, and live a comfortable life.

However, Ella’s mother died under suspicious circumstances, and she has a strong feeling that her father might have caused that death. Immediately after her mother’s death, her father assumed control of Ella’s mother’s inheritance. He rapidly remarried and he is very determined to assert his control over his children. Ella needed a place where he couldn’t get to her until she reached majority. The academy provides such a place and if she manages to place in the top three Pairs at the tournament, she will be given a noble title, which will mean she will outrank her father. The title will allows her to wrestle the control of her siblings and the estate away from her malicious parent.

Ella’s challenge in all of this is that she is entering the academy during the final year, meaning she has 12 months instead of the usual 36 to prep for the tournament and find a partner.

We have Ella, so let’s go to Ludwig. Ludwig is hiding his identity. He comes from a prominent Pair family, famous for producing prodigies. Unfortunately, his father was set up by someone he considered a friend. These accusations led to a charge of treason, and when the so-called friend, let’s give him a name… medieval German male name google… Berold. When Berold came to serve the arrest warrant, Ludwig’s parents resisted and were murdered. Ludwig was taken away by his uncle at the last moment and raised far away from the capital, but he vividly remembers that night and watching his parents die.

Berold is now a highly placed lord in the court. Maybe he is the head of some Investigative Bureau or something. Anyhow, he is going to personally award the honors to the winners of the tournament, and Ludwig needs to be among those winners because he is planning to nuke Berold at all costs. Unfortunately, Ludwig’s Pair partner is killed.

Ludwig desperately needs a partner to realize his vengeance, Ella desperately needs a partner to free her siblings, they’re both difficult, their pairing should never work, but somehow it does, and so on. As the fighting synergy and feelings develop, can the two of them survive the steel gauntlet of the academy and put aside their goals to save each other?

Woo, the most predictable plot in the universe. So this is probably a fantasy romance or fantasy with romantic elements. We are going to note this but we won’t be pigeonholing ourselves in the query.

Word Count

This could be an adult book or it could be a YA. The most common wordcount should be around 90-95K, so we can go about 10K over or 10K under.

Comps

Now comps, stories that are similar. So this is a little bit similar to Soul Eater, which is an anime where school children also form pairs, but there one of them literally becomes a weapon that their partner wields. It is also similar to Jayne Castle’s St. Helen series, where one person in a pair is a psychic talent and the other is a prism. I would have to read to see if I could find closer comps that have been published more recently. Ooh, I can reference myself. Reminiscent of Fated Blades. There we go.

Agents

Now I need to look at the agents and see if they represent people who write similar things. If the agent represents mysteries, says they only want mysteries on their website, and has no clients in SF/F space, that’s probably a pass. Once you found your agent list, it’s a good idea to do a bit of research. The relationship between the agent and a writer is very personal and requires a lot of trust.

Building the Query

Fair warning, I’m rusty, so this will sound a lot like a book synopsis. It will be slightly cheesier than the tone you want in a query because I’m used to writing for readers rather than agents, and it will also be too long. Ideally you want 1-2 paragraphs for the story summary.

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my novel BLACK BLADE, which is complete at 95,000 words. (Very important: you finished it. Here is how long it is.) I very much enjoyed SILVER STAG by Author You Represent. Like SILVER STAG, my novel explores the themes of coming of age, personal sacrifice, and finding love against all odds.

(Note how I didn’t specify the genre of the novel. I know what it is, but I’m not going to categorize my work. It’s not about the label, it’s about the story.)

Like many young noblewomen, Ella Whisper had simple dreams. She’d marry for love, live a quiet happy life, and eventually inherit her mother’s business. But on Ella’s 17th birthday, her mother suddenly dies. Ella’s father assumes control of the business, confines Ella’s siblings, and arranges a marriage for Ella against her wishes.

Ella’s only hope is the Pair Academy, a military school that produces exceptional fighters. Bound by magic into Pairs, the Academy cadets train for their graduation tournament. If Ella’s Pair wins the tournament, she can pry her siblings and her inheritance from her father’s hands. Ella has the magic, but she doesn’t have the training or a partner, and with the tournament coming up in less than one year, the odds are impossible.

Ludwig Blackwood is a prodigy, a standout even in the Pair Academy filled with superior fighters. But he harbors a dangerous secret. He’s the son of a traitor, and if his true identity is revealed, he will be executed. Ludwig spent years honing his martial arts, all for the opportunity to confront the man who had falsely accused his father. To exact his revenge, he must win the Pair Academy’s graduation tournament, and he is well on track until his partner is murdered. Even with his exceptional skills, Ludwig can’t win alone. But his only option is a weak, untrained girl who barely knows which end of the blade to point at the enemy, and if he takes his revenge, she will be implicated by his actions.

To win, Ella and Ludwig must forge a connection that’s deeper than magic. But can they do it in time and will it be worth it at the end?

I’ve previously self-published a fantasy romance series Gemstone Magic, which sold 30,000 copies.

Thank you for your consideration,

Lorna Sterling.

Important point to hit: make sure your voice comes through in the query. Don’t go too mechanical or too flowery. Just try to match your narrative the best you can.

And there you have it. One slightly cheesy query for your enjoyment. I very much enjoyed this break from my own writing, so my brain must’ve needed it.

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Comments

  2. Now I want this series bahahahah

    This was a great read, thanks for continuing to help other authors find their feet in this confusing business landscape!

  4. I never ceased to be amazed at your willingness to help other writers and explain how things work — or at the very least how they work for you. (I understand it’s different for everyone, but stuff like this gives folks a starting place.)

  6. ***Gazes at House Andrews with big puppy dog eyes…???? ***

    Me – Pretty please with cherry on top?

    House Andrews – ????????‍♀️

  9. Business as usual: you sketch a book idea en passant, and the BDH goes wild and wants to throw money at you… just amazing!

  10. You are amazing! I would happily pre-order this book that you were using as a throw away sample!!!! Talk about a voice coming through!

  12. Dear House Andrews,
    You did KNOW that that was going to happen, right?? You’ve met us…
    With love and appreciation,
    The BDH

  13. Ok this was amazing. Not just the overall advice and help in figuring out matters like this, but the awesome ad-lib story as well! As always, I’m in awe of you. And now I want to read Ella Whisper and Ludwig Blackwood’s story.

    • Me, too! It sounds interesting! And lots of room for growth and cool adventures. I’ll buy it. I’ll buy anything HA writes.

  14. I’m curious as to what is seen as an adequate amount of sales to interest an agent/publisher. My husband self-published his first novel two years ago (just as the pandemic started – not great timing in terms of signings, etc). At this point he’s sold most of the first printing of 1,000 despite having done only a little promotion or advertising. Obviously, it’s not a run-away bestseller. But it’s also sold well more than the average self-published book. So… are these good sales? Poor sales? What’s the threshold?

    • If he were writing a query, I would reccomend mentioning it. Some sales is better than zero sales, and it is also proof that he can take an idea all the way to the complete book stage.

  15. That was interesting. Thanks! And frankly I’d probably read the little story altho I don’t read a lot of YA. Too damn old to relate to the angst.

  16. If you don’t write Black Blade, I at least want to see a copy of it in Andrea’s hands the next time we run into her!

  21. Thank you so much for your experience and helping new writers. I always find your insights in the business of writing very I teresting. I have a very basic question. How do you go about finding a list of agents?

  22. Now I want to read Ludwig and Ella’s story. Predictable plot aside…you do realize what you just did “off the cuff” was incredibly remarkable, right? That’s a bestseller you just came up with on the spot.

  23. Lorna Sterling. Now I remember. Romance author that Andrea likes so much. It took me a very long time to remember why I knew that name. I am not sure how sad it is that I remembered the name of a fictional author barely mentioned in a series but cannot remember phone numbers or the last thing on my shopping list.

  24. Follow up question to the post… When you send the letter, do you send the entire book or just the first few chapters?

    Oh, and just out of curiosity… Do agents have a Drop Box for submissions, or just email with an attachment, or still snail mail the pages?

  25. Very interesting. I don’t have a book or such, strictly a reader. This was very interesting to read.

  27. I have to laugh because I am also one of the BDH salivating for a book that isn’t even real just because you threw an idea out there. If you ever write that idea into a story you know we all would buy it. Also, I love how you guys support other authors.

  28. Step 1: Please write this.
    Step 2: Please rename it to avoid confusion with Jennifer Estep’s existing Black Blade series. Or not, I’m not the boss of you.

  29. OK, we are totally hilarious.
    I bet Ilona hit ‘send’ on her advice shaped as an imaginary query and then thought –
    Oh, hang on, I just waved a new series in bright scarlet right in front of the BOOK DEVOURING HORDE… bet anything they’re all going to charge forward asking for it, to read!
    And true to form, of course we do… how could we not?

  30. Not interested in Ella and Ludwig.

    Very much interested in Hugh and Alara, Roman and unknown person, Luther and his adventures, Kate and Wilmington, Mysterious project, and Innkeeper.

    • Totally agree. Sounds too YA. I want Kate! Hugh! Roman! Julie! Derek! Or if we want to switch genres, Arabella! Or a new Edge book! (Yes, yes I know. It’s a dead series. I’ll just cry myself to sleep tonight thi;Ming about it.).

      • @Dyna – I’m with you on the Edge Series. I wish it weren’t dead. I cherish each mention of George, Jack, Lark & Gaston in the Innkeeper Series.

  31. Thankyou!! Love these stream of consciousness prices of advice. Glad you got a brain break and hope the writing odds are ever….. ????

  32. huh, isn’t there a book with a similar premise of a bonded pair (one source & one shield) by Moira J. Moore? Could count as a Comp?

    none of the rest of the stuff is similar – academy, traitor etc. but that bit caught my attention! Also I think iirc the girl didn’t like the guy at the beginning.

    • I haven’t read Moira J. Moore, so it’s highly possible that the premise is similar. 🙂 If it sold well, it can absolutely be used as a comp.

    • I enjoyed that series lots, they were called Source and Shield, bonded pairs that channel natural disasters. I don’t think the book covers were reflective of the content even though I quite liked them.
      Sadly the publisher cancelled the series, but happily Moira J. Moore self-published the last book in eBook format. It was not long after my first kindle, I was browsing smashwords and remember randomly seeing Heroes Reward and being thrilled beyond words! Thank goodness for self-publishing!
      Unfortunately I don’t think she’s published anything else since which is a definite shame. But at least I can still read her Heroes series whenever I want.

      • For your mention I will curse at thee…aaarggggh!

        Yes, it is now on my list! lol if I can’t have Black Blade then I will have the comp 🙂

      • Totally agree on the Heroes-serie of Moira J. Moore, both as a comp and as a very interesting series, enjoy it again every other year just because she is such a snarky heroine

  33. And now I want to read Ludwig and Ella’s story told as only the Ilona Andrews team can write it….. *snicker* we are a hungry, hungry horde.

  36. So I would buy that book if you wrote and published it unless it was YA. Ok maybe even if it was YA lol.

  37. I always appreciate the time you take to address these types of questions from fans. I have learned so many useful things from this blog!

  38. I’m snickering right now. First don’t bet with Mod R about people asking about an example, made up story. Second, the made up example made me think of a matador cape flapping while the collective BDH is trying to grab it. ????????????????????‍♀️

  39. This would be amazing as a tapas series!! Lol think of the snappy uniforms and the visuals!! Lol jk I’d buy it in whatever medium you put out????

  40. Isn’t it a little early for April Fools? Reference Warlord’s Choice. Thank you for the synopsis, even if the book isn’t real.

  42. I have to admit – I love the clarity of your writing. who knew reading someone else’s cogs turning could be so enjoyable? Fancy writing a manual about tax returns? I’m sure if anyone could make this interesting and a bestseller, you could.

  46. The writing business posts are fascinating. If no one has asked yet, I’d love to hear about HA’s cover design process. What determines whether you use one of your cover artists and whether Ilona crafts it? What creative process and tools does Ilona use when she creates the cover? What process do you like best (cover artist who uses live models, cover artist who uses database images, creating your own, etc.)?

  47. This sounds like the kind of book Lorna Sterling would write ????

    And I’d buy it too! Would she still have Ludwig dressed like a pirate with his hard nipples showing through his silk shirt? I can see Andrea trying to meet Lorna at a book signing like a fan girl!????‍♂️????????‍♂️

  48. Wow and thanks you for an Hypothetical glimpse into a new work and advice.

    Hee-hee, of course ModR knows the ever hungry BDH would be baying for it to be real! 😀

    • Welp, Now you need to write this book. ????

      I am beyond impressed that you came up with that idea off the top of your head and a little concerned that you think it’s “the most predictable plot in the universe.” While I’m salivating for more.

      I don’t think you could produce predictable if you tried.

  49. Ilona and Gordon are sneaky. Some day I expect to read a blog post with a surprise 1st chapter of Black Blade. Just sayin’.

  50. So I’m guessing this book must be underway, or Ilona didn’t learn from the “Hugh has a book coming, ;D lmao” April Fool’s prank incident lol

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