Have you got any good hints for agent query letters, or how to find one? I’ve self-published eight books on Kindle, and with my new series (that isn’t self-published yet), I’d like to try traditional publishing, but all I’m getting are rejections. My self-published books get decent reviews, so I think my quality can’t be that bad…
First, a caveat. I used to belong to a writer email loop, and one time some new authors were sharing their difficulties with submissions. An established author, who had published a break out work a couple of decades ago, immediately informed everyone that this was not how the process worked and that they didn’t understand things. This person hadn’t had to submit their work for a very long time. They simply informed the publisher that their next novel was ready, and the publisher was overjoyed. They completely missed the fact that a debut author’s experience was vastly different and the industry had progressed in the last 20 years.
I haven’t had to hunt for an agent or shop my work for 10 years. Like many established writers, I have only my own frame of reference. My experiences may not be applicable to you.
Now on to the querying process.
Your question is telling me that you are misunderstanding the way this business works. It’s not about your reviews. It’s about your sales. Do you have sales? How many? Get those numbers.
Before you sit down to write your query, let’s gather some data.
- Genre of the work
- Word Count
- Comps
- Prior sales and experience
- Top 5 choices for your agent
Sales
Let’s say that I’m self-published author Lorna Sterling. I have a fantasy romance series of 5 books, which I selfpublished. I chose to not enter it into KU. It sold a total of 30,000 copies.
Genre
My new fantasy novel is about a magic military academy focused on creating Pairs. A Pair is a team of two fighters bonded together by magical means which allows them to achieve synergy in battle. The members of a Pair usually consist of a Blade and a Shield, one person who is using offense and one person who defends. Sometimes there are variations, people who can use both offensive and defensive tactics or teams that have two Blades, for example. We are going to have a lot of fights in this book, so we need variety.
At the end of their training, Pairs enter a tournament that determines their placement. The best performing Pairs get cushy jobs like King’s Guard. The worst performing Pairs end up in the city watch or on the border protecting the Kingdom from some terrible threat, we will need to think about it.
I’m building this as we go, so let’s see, I need a hero, let’s name him Ludwig, because I’m feeling German this morning and the name means “famous warrior.” I need a heroine, we will name her Ella in keeping with a German theme.
They need solid motivations for entering this academy. Let’s say Ella’s mother came from a successful merchant family and she married a minor noble. Ella is the oldest of three children, with her sister and brother significantly younger then her, probably about 5 or 6 years. Although Ella has the Pair magic and it is very strong, her plan was never to enter the academy. She was just planning to take over her mother’s business interests, marry for love, and live a comfortable life.
However, Ella’s mother died under suspicious circumstances, and she has a strong feeling that her father might have caused that death. Immediately after her mother’s death, her father assumed control of Ella’s mother’s inheritance. He rapidly remarried and he is very determined to assert his control over his children. Ella needed a place where he couldn’t get to her until she reached majority. The academy provides such a place and if she manages to place in the top three Pairs at the tournament, she will be given a noble title, which will mean she will outrank her father. The title will allows her to wrestle the control of her siblings and the estate away from her malicious parent.
Ella’s challenge in all of this is that she is entering the academy during the final year, meaning she has 12 months instead of the usual 36 to prep for the tournament and find a partner.
We have Ella, so let’s go to Ludwig. Ludwig is hiding his identity. He comes from a prominent Pair family, famous for producing prodigies. Unfortunately, his father was set up by someone he considered a friend. These accusations led to a charge of treason, and when the so-called friend, let’s give him a name… medieval German male name google… Berold. When Berold came to serve the arrest warrant, Ludwig’s parents resisted and were murdered. Ludwig was taken away by his uncle at the last moment and raised far away from the capital, but he vividly remembers that night and watching his parents die.
Berold is now a highly placed lord in the court. Maybe he is the head of some Investigative Bureau or something. Anyhow, he is going to personally award the honors to the winners of the tournament, and Ludwig needs to be among those winners because he is planning to nuke Berold at all costs. Unfortunately, Ludwig’s Pair partner is killed.
Ludwig desperately needs a partner to realize his vengeance, Ella desperately needs a partner to free her siblings, they’re both difficult, their pairing should never work, but somehow it does, and so on. As the fighting synergy and feelings develop, can the two of them survive the steel gauntlet of the academy and put aside their goals to save each other?
Woo, the most predictable plot in the universe. So this is probably a fantasy romance or fantasy with romantic elements. We are going to note this but we won’t be pigeonholing ourselves in the query.
Word Count
This could be an adult book or it could be a YA. The most common wordcount should be around 90-95K, so we can go about 10K over or 10K under.
Comps
Now comps, stories that are similar. So this is a little bit similar to Soul Eater, which is an anime where school children also form pairs, but there one of them literally becomes a weapon that their partner wields. It is also similar to Jayne Castle’s St. Helen series, where one person in a pair is a psychic talent and the other is a prism. I would have to read to see if I could find closer comps that have been published more recently. Ooh, I can reference myself. Reminiscent of Fated Blades. There we go.
Agents
Now I need to look at the agents and see if they represent people who write similar things. If the agent represents mysteries, says they only want mysteries on their website, and has no clients in SF/F space, that’s probably a pass. Once you found your agent list, it’s a good idea to do a bit of research. The relationship between the agent and a writer is very personal and requires a lot of trust.
Building the Query
Fair warning, I’m rusty, so this will sound a lot like a book synopsis. It will be slightly cheesier than the tone you want in a query because I’m used to writing for readers rather than agents, and it will also be too long. Ideally you want 1-2 paragraphs for the story summary.
Dear Agent,
I’m seeking representation for my novel BLACK BLADE, which is complete at 95,000 words. (Very important: you finished it. Here is how long it is.) I very much enjoyed SILVER STAG by Author You Represent. Like SILVER STAG, my novel explores the themes of coming of age, personal sacrifice, and finding love against all odds.
(Note how I didn’t specify the genre of the novel. I know what it is, but I’m not going to categorize my work. It’s not about the label, it’s about the story.)
Like many young noblewomen, Ella Whisper had simple dreams. She’d marry for love, live a quiet happy life, and eventually inherit her mother’s business. But on Ella’s 17th birthday, her mother suddenly dies. Ella’s father assumes control of the business, confines Ella’s siblings, and arranges a marriage for Ella against her wishes.
Ella’s only hope is the Pair Academy, a military school that produces exceptional fighters. Bound by magic into Pairs, the Academy cadets train for their graduation tournament. If Ella’s Pair wins the tournament, she can pry her siblings and her inheritance from her father’s hands. Ella has the magic, but she doesn’t have the training or a partner, and with the tournament coming up in less than one year, the odds are impossible.
Ludwig Blackwood is a prodigy, a standout even in the Pair Academy filled with superior fighters. But he harbors a dangerous secret. He’s the son of a traitor, and if his true identity is revealed, he will be executed. Ludwig spent years honing his martial arts, all for the opportunity to confront the man who had falsely accused his father. To exact his revenge, he must win the Pair Academy’s graduation tournament, and he is well on track until his partner is murdered. Even with his exceptional skills, Ludwig can’t win alone. But his only option is a weak, untrained girl who barely knows which end of the blade to point at the enemy, and if he takes his revenge, she will be implicated by his actions.
To win, Ella and Ludwig must forge a connection that’s deeper than magic. But can they do it in time and will it be worth it at the end?
I’ve previously self-published a fantasy romance series Gemstone Magic, which sold 30,000 copies.
Thank you for your consideration,
Lorna Sterling.
Important point to hit: make sure your voice comes through in the query. Don’t go too mechanical or too flowery. Just try to match your narrative the best you can.
And there you have it. One slightly cheesy query for your enjoyment. I very much enjoyed this break from my own writing, so my brain must’ve needed it.
Wow! Just WOW! Now I want to read that story!
Okkkkk, now you have to write that story ????????????????????
First, thank you for another interesting view into the publishing world (strictly a reader here).
Second, that was seriously easy money for Mod R! ????
You know better than to wave that red cloth in front of the BDH! ????
You can’t dangle a plot with all my favorite tropes in front of me like that and expect me not to get excited! I’d buy that for sure (from you) as long as it wasn’t YA.
Ok totally off topic, but a few years ago, on the blog, there was a snippet from one of the kids. I was wondering if they ever finished it? Because it was good.
+100 on the update, if available!
+1 ????
(Kid 2, I think?)
um… can we please have Black Blade at some point down the track?? please and thank you!
I also think Black Blade would be a great series and I would preorder it now. I don’t know how you can be so good that your quickly thought out synopsis is so much better than some stories I’ve purchased.
A Master Class/TED talk on what you need and how to apply to agents for their consideration. There are college and university professors who can’t lecture this precisely to save themselves.
(Sat through some long, dreary winter afternoons in a *previous* lifetime….)
now I want to read the book… please ????
*bookmarks this for the next query rounds*
Am I the only one getting Cinderella vibes? 🙂
Okay… so what happened next with Ella and Ludwig? what do you mean their pairing shouldn’t have worked? what’s wrong/what’s right with them? Are they gonna produce Pair babies? Miss Ilona, i need more!!! ????????????
I know right?!
A short snippet and I’m already so invested!
This sounds so good – would love to read it – or at least know what happens at the end ????
I remember years ago reading a Jostein Gaarder book where the lead character had a lucrative job selling plots to authors with writer’s block. Would you sell this plot to someone else to write?! Does such a job really exist?
Please Black Blade needs to happen. I am fully invested. ????????????
It amused me that you made this up on the spot and called it cheesy. We all know it you ever decided to write this it wouldn’t be your average cheddar!
I don’t know about Ella being a particularly German name – if you were going for Brother’s Grimm the girl is Aschenputtel (which isn’t a female name in Germany either, heh). Anyway I was thinking I now want to read this book you outlined as well as I hope you’ve come across Obsidian’s Pentiment as a game! https://pentiment.obsidian.net/
uhm wait… Can I go to this academy? lol wow I am now thinking I need to read this. Once again great advice and thank you for taking the time to answer queries.
P.S. I will be waiting for the black blade book release date now
is your Magic Tides cover of Kate a stock photo? I just saw a book on Amazon from Serena Nova, the full blood series, audio, read by Troy Duran and Kendall Taylor, the cover is Kate, in the same pose, in the same black tee shirt, everything except the sword was replaced by white vapor.
Yes, it is a stock photo lady at the base 🙂
I’d buy that…
Would you consider writing it if we pestered you enough? 😉
It is official House Andrews policy to not negotiate with terrorists ????.
I should know, I pestered about Julie+Derek Kissy Face for a whole year ????
What’s the policy on bribery? Begging?
Dang! Not even if we add pictures of cute kittens?
There go my hopes…
Yeah can we have this hypothetical book made into an actual book?
And there you have it, folks. A fully imagined novel, knocked off in an hour on a Tuesday morning. Geniuses walk among us!
We are the BDH hear us roar. +1000 on all the requests for this book to be written (echoing what others have said earlier about buying anything House Andrews wishes to write).
Thank you for sharing your experience – it’s helpful for aspiring writers on what to do to get started. 🙂
nice. fun to write for you, fun to read for me. thanks
… I want to read that book!
Ilona, don’t you realize that our expectations often become your reality? 🙂
So, hey, I didn’t see the release date for Black Blade?
I’ve got my card out and am ready to pre-order, Lorna aka IA!
[jk but oh I wish it were true]
🙂
Well, now I’m invested in Ludwig and Ella. Please write this book
I agree with so many others that I would definitely read this series if you wrote it, especially if it was under the name Lorna Sterling! To me, that’s the wonderful thing about having authors I, as a reader, love. There’s something magical about the way your imagination works. No matter what you write, I’m guaranteed to love it. As a reader, that’s a priceless gift. 🙂
You do realize the BDH now wants this book, right?
I do. /drooooolls
Wow… I think you made a mistake.. Now we all want the story!!!!
Friday night snippet?? Please??
Pretty please!!!??? ????????????????????????????????????
This post is lovely. It id entertaining for someone like me, who is not writing a novel but loves anything to do with books, and hopefully enough real information to get someone started on their journey to publishing.
Most predictable plot in the world or not, I would read the hell out of that story. It’s amazing that just tossing off a random story idea that House Andrews already has me skimming Amazon looking for a similar plot
LOL. Now I want to know what happens to Ella and Ludwig. sigh.
Thank you for this detailed, thoughtful, empathic and no-nonsense tour and sample letter. I greatly appreciate the care you (all) demonstrate so often and fully for your readers. grateful…
I want to read that novel. Please add my name to the list. ????
*This* is why your books grab the reader and immerse them in the world you’ve just invoked with your writing. You’ve just set the scene so well that everyone wants to know what happens next. *Everything* you write is like this, every time.
That’s the only way fiction works for me – whether the world in question is a military academy in the far future or a sleepy rural village in New Zealand. If I can’t believe the in the surroundings, I never connect with the characters.
(Read DNF – “Important” books seldom manage this, so I don’t bother with them. life’s too short to read what someone else wants me to read.)
It would be a shame to waste the effort. Perhaps this should be an anthology or a series – “Here’s the first few scenes. Where do you go from here?” and see who answers.
You’d have to find an editor. You two have books to write…
Am I the only one who wants to see Ella and Ludwig win the Pairs?
Thank you for so thoughtfully and thoroughly answering the author’s question.
A few short paragraphs and I’m immersed in a new world.
If you wrote it, I would read it.
I’m impressed with how very kind and generous of you it was to respond to this question with so much depth and detail. I’m glad it gave you a break from writing but, what you had to say was beyond the call of duty to your fans and readers. You rock.
If the number of requests doubles or triples, does ModR get additional dollars?
This is great info and wonderfully succinct. It makes what can seem like an absolutely overwhelming process something easier to break into achievable steps. That’s so wonderful and appreciated.
Thank you!
That’s just amazing how you’ve broken that down with a book description that grabs the attention & makes us want to buy it! Respect!
Yes I want to read it! I would read it if you wrote it. The beauty of the “predicable” plot is that it’s actually quite brilliant but not so predictably successful as when YOU write them!!
Please write that book! ????
Yikes! I want to read that book that you just threw out to the universe off the top of your head.
This article was fantastic! I am just starting out as a writer (have the concept, but am only beginning to get into the meat and potatoes), so learning these intricacies from someone in the industry is invaluable. Thank you!! I would love to hear more about how the literary agent relationship works in the modern world, most sources on the subject seem to be 20+ years old. Thank you, again, for all you do, Ilona.
Sorry, but *sniggering* and *giggling* and *outright laughing*
But “Good Work!” on the Julie and Derek kissing nagging Mod R!
I don’t want to read it ahead of any of the books already in planning (Hugh and Elara! Julie and Derek! Innkeeper! Maggie! Have I left anything out?). However, if you get bored or bogged down with those and want to switch to something else for a break, take my money.
+1
So am I allowed to say that I would like to read Ludwig and Ella’s story? It sounds like I would love it!
I think this is very useful information. Especially, for those that write for personal pleasure and are considering self-publishing or finding an agent and haven’t got a clue where to begin.
Thanks for all of that, Ilona. My feeble attempts at gaining a publisher’s attention was via writing contests in the past. I won a couple and was rejected both times.
Self-pub has been our pathway for the 20ish books we’ve written. Lots of solid critique partners, 3rd party editor, and artist. I admire yours and Gordon’s ability to crank out so many for all the deadlines you deal with.
For us, writing has been a fun, if demanding side hustle.
I’m laughing because somewhere along the line of comments, Black Blade (not a book, just an example) went from “When is it coming out?” to “I’d read that series!” I’m just sitting and sipping from my BDH mug, still laughing.