Background: AC in Kid 2’s house had to be replaced.
The unit was installed on on 05/26. The bill was paid in full. The unit stopped working on 06/12. The installation sent the technician out who said he fixed things. On 06/13, the kids woke up to water raining from the vent under the AC. Paint peeled off the ceiling around the vent and there was a substantial amount of water dripping onto the floor.
We had to call an emergency AC repair technician because the install company was closed. The emergency technician found some issues and concluded that the drip pan was cracked.
We sent a strongly worded email with the emergency guy’s repair estimate attached and followed up with a phone call. The company, which up to that point provided excellent service, has made things right now. They fixed the AC and will take care of the water damage, and we’re satisfied with the resolution, but at the time of the events below we didn’t know what exactly went wrong or what they would do about it.
Me, texting Kid 2: the original company is sending a tech out.
Kid 2: I will be here. Oh I found someone to do the lawn.
Me: It’s a small lawn…
Kid 2: Okay so I was driving through the neighborhood and found these little boys who are going around mowing lawns for $20. I saw them mowing and I pulled over real fast and I asked them if they mowed lawns and the 12 year old in charge with the phone said, “Yes, ma’am, we mow all of the lawns around here.”
So I said, “I will give you $40 dollars to do my lawn.”
And he said, “Deal.”
So I called D (BF) and I said, “There are some kids without shirts and smeared with dirt like Dickensian orphans coming to the door. Let them in the back yard, so they can mow the lawn. I paid them.”
So then I get home. It’s hilarious because one of those boys is, like, the leader of this lawn mowing club. He doesn’t actually mow, he handles the phone and collects the money. He looked at the lawn and said, “I need to make some calls.”
He made calls and two more kids showed up, so now I have 4 shirtless 12 year olds mowing the lawn and yelling at each other, so I went upstairs.
A couple of hours later the original company that did the AC install sent the tech over. They have the estimate from the emergency AC dude that we forwarded to them.
Kid 2, facetime: Mom, the AC tech is asking me why the unit is leaking.
Me: Bring the phone to him.
Juan: This is Juan.
Me: Hi Juan. This is Ilona. We have the estimate from the other tech who said it was a cracked pan.
Juan: Yes, but did he do any repairs?
Me: No. He diagnosed the issue.
Juan: Yes, I understand that. I don’t think the pan is cracked.
Me: Okay, if the pan isn’t cracked, then we need you to figure out what went wrong.
Juan: So you don’t know why the unit was leaking?
Me: Juan, I am not an AC technician. I don’t know why it’s leaking. That’s why we asked you guys to come out. Please figure out why it’s leaking and make it not leak anymore.
Kid 2: Mom, I have delivery guy calling, hang on.
I hang up and text her a couple of minutes later.
Me: I’m sorry about this AC disaster.
Kid 2: I don’t mind the disaster. It’s not anyone’s fault. I’m just like in an awkward position because this man is talking to me like I’m an AC technician. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just trying to avoid being hot.
He’s like telling me about the screws and stuff, and I’m like, “I don’t know. All I know is what the other person told me.”
Every time we have people come over to do something to the house, this happens. It doesn’t matter what the service is. They make it hard for no reason. Like the delivery person just called me, and was like “I need you to tell me if your street is the one with the stop sign” and I’m like “Well, the street has stop signs on both sides because it crosses another road in an intersection, so I don’t know how to help you navigate this besides giving you the address.”
This is a furniture delivery person, mind you.
And he’s like calling me and making me explain how a four way stop works. Like, dude, the street is REDACTED, and there is an intersection, so on one side there is a stop sign and on the other side there is also a stop sign.
It’s like the security guy who was installing the alarm system asking me why none of the emails he sent are reaching my inbox. Like sir, I do not know why your emails are not going through. I am not an all knowing god who has the answer to all your questions. I am literally a customer. And then, whenever this stuff happens, the people get mad at me for not knowing the answers to their questions.
The best service I have received throughout the moving process has been geek squad and the fucking lawn orphans.
The lawn orphans took my money, did their job, and then left.
They didn’t ask me how to start a lawn mower.
The lawn orphans are amazing!
We just recently brought a new home. I feel this in my soul. Home renovation scope creep is hitting me hard. We pulled the carpet in the finished basement because it smelled like wet dog (though the seller said they didn’t own a dog), then we found mold and rusted carpet tack, so we took out the dry wall in that area, then we found cracks in our foundation, so now we are looking at $20k in foundation repair. Unfortunately, we already gutted the master bathroom (at the time it seemed like a good idea since we already had the dumpster for the basement) so we’ll probably live with a gutted master bathroom for a year while we use our budget to fix the foundation
I’ve been looking for lawn orphans, but apparently our neighborhood is a bunch of original owners in their 80s and a bunch of families with toddlers, so no lawn orphans until they grow up a bit.
Someone inherited her parents’ sense of humor.
I swear I need to open a blog and call it Granny Knows. 50 years in the building trades, and I feel your pain.
Repair persons are an extinct species so are Customer Service Representatives.
I want lawn orphans! And, yup… Same here with anyone who gets money for doing stuff around here. The only dependable one is my AC guy and that’s because I’ve known him since he was hatched. I can call his mama on him! LOL
I LOVE everything about this post. Thank you
Perfect. I’ve been dealing with Ver**zon ,ginormous corporation, for 3 weeks. On hold forever, answers like ,”That is how the system works” etc.I try very hard to be a reasonable, decent human, but jeez.
Or why the lawn growns? ????????????????
Wow. I had a similar experience yesterday. Mattress delivery; I get a phone call from the delivery guy asking about my address and informing me that it doesn’t come up on his app. I inform him it’s a newer section of the neighborhood, suggested a different app (google maps has been successful), and had to give him step by step instructions on how to get to my house. Based on the interactions, I would not have been surprised if he had asked me how to lift the mattress off of the truck.
You have the most interesting life!
I think I’m going to tell my Kids to become lawn orphans …there might be a market out there ????
I’m loving the enterprising lawn orphans.
If the lawn orphans don’t make it into one of your series, then you’ve missed an amazing opportunity.
Oh my god I died laughing at the “fucking lawn orphans” comment. It was too much!
Following so many tales of service woe – and having lived a fair number of them myself – I thought it might be nice to report a “good service” story.
Not too many moons ago, our trusty microwave decided it was time for it to start singing the song of its people. A most unmelodious tune indeed.
Now, while I’m in no way a microwave-only cook, we are a five-person household, of which two have serious food allergies. This means that 99% of our meals are scratch-made and a microwave is an essential element in getting good food done in a timely fashion on a daily basis (how I miss the days of greasy take-out and heat-and-eat quick meals, sigh).
So, research was done forthwith, target was acquired, and puppy eyes were unashamed employed to convince the holder of the purse strings that said target was the “only” sensible choice. Result, the next day we went to pick up my dream microwave, one of those brand-new LG combo-grill smart invertor beauties that is whisper quiet, super energy efficient, and most impressively can make perfect jacket potatoes in under 25 minutes. It was love at first beep.
Fast forward two weeks.
A person, who shall remain unnamed, gets up early and decides to make a mug of tea (yes we are those kinds of savages, cups are simply too small). Somewhere in this process, they manage to smack the bottom of said mug exactly on the top rim of the microwave’s full front glass panel and the entire thing shatters. It was heartbreaking.
Once the shock had worn off somewhat, we contact the retailer, fully expecting their reply – breakage is not covered in the warranty. Being a company that actually does pride itself on its service, they quickly provide us with the details of our local LG service centre.
At this point we had resigned ourselves to a fairly costly repair – it was clear the entire door would have to be replaced and in this model the controls are built into the door – it was going to be ouch.
With great trepidation, the call is placed and the story retold, only to be followed by a completely unexpected response: “Oh no! What a shame! You’ve only had it for two weeks. Bring it in. We’ll replace the door under warranty. No cost to you.”
So in the end, bar a short delay as the new door had to be ordered in, the repair cost us nothing more than the gas for two half-hour round trips. It’s good to know that there are still places where service is a point of pride.
(now if only that bit of luck could be stretched – all the gutters need replacing and the stove is down to two burners…)
I was thinking, what if AC technician started spouting exhorbitant prices and the head lawn orphan dressed him down , negotiated the price and then billed Ilona for consultation services. lolz
Yesterday our ac needed to be fixed. We called a company we’d used in the past. After the technician fixed the problem (at least he fixed it) and left, I eventually asked my husband how much it had cost. He told me they’d changed their pricing structure and now charged a visit fee and a diagnosis fee. I told him that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of. Obviously if we had a problem, he needed to figure out what it was before he could fix it. When you go to a doctor, they don’t charge a separate diagnosis fee!
But now I understand. We ARE supposed to diagnose it ourselves! Next time, I can save $69!
I have some lawn orphans and recommend them over a lawn service any day of the week. I pay cash and tip them with Gatorade and popsicles.
Lawn orphans!
oh, I’d love to see them in a book line someday. Just an aside. It’s classic HA.
Thank you, Ilona Andrews for the post.
I ROFLOL about the GPS challenged delivery guys who don’t know how to read maps.
GPS is inaccurate where I live. Mail lady is only person who can find me in a timely manner. Amazon and UPS are different people every delivery. Well Titan likes Tiffany, the mail lady, as she has treats and isn’t afraid of dogs. ????
Love the lawn orphan service. My neighbor passed away in February and the heirs are having “issues”. Last week the neighborhood deliberately cut the 4 foot tall grass as driveway views of on coming traffic was being blocked. Livestock is doing fine as we keep an eye on them too.
My goodness you make me laugh. I like reading your blog nearly as much as I like reading your books. The books still win but I really like this blog.
Irony and humor. Life is starting to move toward normal, finally.
Amen. All I ask is you do your job and I will do mine.
“I’m just trying not to be hot.” mood!
Loved this post. I too have experienced “experts” asking my opinion and it is so irritating…why am I paying you?!?
lol at all the lawn orphan stuff
Glad it ended well.
I recently found lawn orphans in time to replace kid 4 (you have saved my children from being called their siblings’ or pets’ names) who now makes more money working on other people’s landscaping and home repairs all day and I felt guilty paying him family rate for ours.
I agree … these kids will rule the world some day … fabulous work ethic and drive!
Sorry to hear about AC issues, too, hope kids stay cool in all ways. Repair techs are interesting … I’m usually happiest when they’re old, somewhere around the age of our house and equipment!
p.s. clock photo is non-associated … very very new to posting and when it said ‘add image’ thought it was for the little circle thing next to my name. That said, this is one of my favorite Paris photos!
Is it wrong that I have now, in my late forties, decided that the sexiest traits around are competency and efficiency? I’ve noticed I actually get a little bit of a crush on people who display these traits. Is it the rarity?
oh you are not wrong – it’s a bit like the realisation that “common sense” is not nearly as common as the term would imply…
and for the record, competence is very, very sexy