Personal post. Don’t read if you have are prone to medical anxiety.
On September 12, which was a Tuesday, I had my mammogram. Everything was routine. A friendly mammography specialist took 4 pictures and assured me the results would be up in 5 days.
Our diagnostic imaging place is like clockwork: 3 days after the mammogram is done, the report is in the My Chart portal and 24 hours after that, I get a letter from my doctor. That’s how it has been for the last 5 years. I wasn’t too worried about it.
Friday, 15th, no report. Well, she did say 5 days, that’s probably 5 business days.
Monday, no report in the mail. Tuesday, no report in the mail.
I’m getting a nagging feeling that something went wrong.
Wednesday, no letter. Maybe my doctor is on vacation or something.
Thursday.
Friday, in the evening, I finally lose my patience and go to the imaging site. I realize that they also have a patient portal. I request a log in for it. I have to wait 3 days for it to be approved. It’s Friday.
On a whim, I try my usual medical email and log in. It works. I’m in, yay! I go to my records.
There is nothing. There is a record of appointment scheduled and that’s it. No report, no images, no indication that the appointment took place. And I can’t do anything about this until Monday.
At this point the brakes that I normally have malfunction in a major way. My first brush with cancer was my grandfather. He developed lung cancer and wasted away to nothing. I was a teenager and he had raised me. I wasn’t even allowed to visit him in the hospital, because adults in my life decided it was too horrific. Then we continue that trend. Great-grandmother, dead, cancer. Not sure what kind, she was in her 90s and I was young. I remember my grandmother describe her as having “rotted away.” Mother-in-law, dead, blood cancer. Mother, dead, breast cancer.
I have a very strong, visceral reaction to cancer. It scarred me early in a major way.
I’ve been genetically tested for cancer markers, and I don’t carry the usual ones, but it didn’t quite succeed in giving me peace of mind. Being a writer committed to high stakes I right away went to the worst case scenario, which assured me that my mammogram was abnormal and it was put aside so someone would call me for an additional testing and they dropped the ball somewhere.
Since my rational thinking had tumbled down the stairs and broke its neck, I had a momentary lapse of judgement and vented on my personal Facebook, because I am a woman, and we spread bad news and when our friends commiserate, we feel better. Annual mammogram is the most important diagnostic test for a woman or anyone at risk of breast cancer. Everyone who has had one would understand exactly how I felt and I needed some support.
I forgot the kids read the Facebook account. I post, then I get a text from Kid 2: I love you, mom, it will be okay.
I freaked the kids out. I scrape together whatever willpower I have, and call the children, and assure them that it’s probably nothing and I’m not too worried about it. Then I get off the phone and don’t talk for about 2 hours, after which Gordon gently inquired if I was just putting on a brave face for the children, to which I said, “Yes.” And then I didn’t talk so more.
I spent the weekend contemplating my own mortality and trying to figure out what plans I would need to make in case things didn’t turn out. At some point I told Gordon that I just would like to go back to normal. I would like to worry about small things like finishing the book, making sure we help the kids replace their bed frame that somehow keeps breaking, and whether or not skunks are routinely in our back yard. I also sent a nice email through the portal explaining that this is giving me massive anxiety and if they could please find my mammogram, I would really appreciate it.
It was in my email this morning. No suspicious masses. Bi-RADS Category 1 – negative.
My mammogram was examined on 18th, the report was written and signed on the 20th, so the diagnostic center was likely simply backed up. I panicked for nothing.
I’m so happy right now, but I’m also emotionally wrung out. And next year, I’m going to do this all over again.
So if your results are not in your portal on time, don’t be me. ::hug::
And now I need to get back to work.
The looming unknown is the scariest. I’m glad your results came in and you feel much calmer. Thinking of you.
My sympathies on your long wait for results & congratulations on your negative mammogram!
Everything turned out okay. Have a nice cup of tea and relax!
Biggest hugs! I’m so happy it was nothing to worry about. I hope you get to enjoy the relief after all that redigging of trauma.
Whew!! Thank God for great results!! We’re thrilled for you!!!
overthinking – r – us, yup I am part of that group too!! glad it was for naught – be kind to yourself though – the emotional turmoil demands tea and chocolate for darn sure.
Hugs – being a woman is hard.
I work in HalthcareIT, have supported radiology transcription and a lot of other things. Unfortunately, radiologists, like many other professions are aging out, and some who would not have otherwise retired, did so because of the pandemic. Medical school is so expensive in the US that someone who might otherwise want and have the capability to be a radiologist will not be able to pay for the education, so this will get worse
Mammograms are a pain anyway you look at it. And you don’t even get a discount when you only have one of the girls left to check on!
Still, at least you have a year of relative peace before you need to face it all over again. And the BDH will always be on hug standby when needed😎
All my thoughts to you (and a virtual hug, if you accept it)! Waiting for exam results is nervewracking! Treat yourself to something nice, because you freaking deserve it and don’t blame yourself for the anxiety! It’s part of being human.
+1 ((Hugs)) 🤗
+1
Waiting is so hard. Delays like this are mind bending. Hope you can relax over the weekend and get your grove back.
All the hugs.
One year, there was apparently a “fold” of flesh in my left boob and they had to take about 17 pictures of it, trying to smooth out the wrinkle.
I was completely freaked out. And I insisted on talking to a doctor that very day or I wasn’t leaving. Period.
The doctor on call came and talked to me, assured me that it was just a wrinkle and there were no masses.
This poor doctor came to talk to me, even though she shouldn’t have been there – she had fallen down some stairs and broken about five different bones. But she came out to reassure me.
I thanked her profusely. I think I even baked her cookies. But I do understand. Huggs.
Under your particular circumstances, no one has any right to judge. Actually, under any circumstances, no one has any right to judge.
My mother made it through her birthday last Friday, asleep. She’s 92 now. The hospice cat is in her room, so consensus is she probably won’t make the end of this week. My middle nephew’s youngest left her stuffed raccoon when the family came to see Mom just before she started sleeping all the time. Mom loved it, and they got some really good pictures – I think my grand-niece is happy that she was able to help.
I know I’m not going to cry over this because it’s time and she’s pretty much ready; but I’m going to miss her for the rest of my life.
Much love to you, Judy ❤️
Thank you.
((Hugs)) Even if you’re happy for her, it’s ok to be sad for yourself. There’s no shame in tears if you need them and no shame in no tears as well. 🫂
Thank you.
My condolences Judy. I understand about missing a loved one for the rest of your life. 🙁
Hugs to you.
There have already been a few, which is how I know how it works for me. Thanks.
You may find you cry over it, at least a little, anyway. I know I did with some older relatives who were ready to go. Take care of yourself.
I’m expecting what’s already happened a few times. There are about half-a-dozen I miss desperately, and have for years.
:hug: Even when everyone is ready, it still rips your heart out. I am so sorry that life has come to this. Much love and please take care of yourself.
I will take care of myself. You do the same – though I must say, you mostly seem to be doing a decent job of it.
Maybe you could stop worrying your kids? Although that’s a fine thing for me to say, since I keep doing exactly that myself.
I’m so sorry. We lost both of my in-laws this spring, and it’s still raw, but in some weird way the anticipatory grief can be worse. I’m sending a big virtual hug (if you do hugs) and a wish for an easy heart
My sincere condolences. Whatever you feel is always the right feeling for you to have.
Sending hugs and sympathy your way. Even when you know they are ready to go it is still a painful process. Take care of yourself and keep the good memories close.
I am so sorry about your mom. It’s hard and I understand your pain.
❤️
My thoughts and virtual hugs are with you Judy.💕💕
Glad to hear that the mammogram came back negative. Waiting for results like that can be so stressful.
I’m so sorry. And so very glad you are negative. And angry on your behalf — no one seems to understand that stressors like this can literally take years off one’s life and give an accurate timeframe. “Normally it’s 5 business days, but we’re a bit backed up right now and it could be up to 10,” is not hard to say and prevents not only you freaking out but also you freaking out AT THEM. Had you not gotten your results today, you surely would have been on the phone wanting to know what was going on. If providers can’t do it out of consideration for others, you’d think they could do it out of consideration for themselves.
Now you know it’s better for your wellbeing to call them than wait them out. and since everything you share points toward you being a much better than decent human being, you won’t be adding to the stress of the day for whoever answers the phone to tell you the lab is bogged down, but you will be less stressed knowing it’s in analysis limbo instead of bad news limbo. Fair trade.
glad your results were negative! take the day to do whatever mental recovery means for you – your brain worked hard this weekend. ❤️
So glad everything turned out all right. Have some really good tea and/or dessert.
Deep breath, hold, release. Do that a dozen times or more and then start planning the rest of your life. That is what I do every time I have one of those tests and start worrying what if it’s back.
Also always remember that you have family and close friends who love you.
I know Ilona researches everything thoroughly but perhaps there’s an alternative? I am a breast cancer survivor and get a mammogram and sonogram on my remaining breast each year. I get my medical care from a big practice which has issues. But what is good is that I sit and wait a few minutes (usually spent getting the goop off from the sonogram) and the radiologist walks in and gives me the results. I don’t wait even 15 minutes for the results. There’s a lot of factors to weigh when comparing medical practitioners but a no wait results when I am really nervous tips the balance for me.
+1 for this plan.
Please see if your doc will order a diagnostic mammo (versus a screening mammo): you usually get the results before you leave.
Yep, same for me. 7 years out. The bigger terror is when they have you come straight back in.
Lol, Deborah, it’s even worse when you get the call before you even get home. I had several rounds of that on my cancer. Such a mess. But I’m fighting hard. Best wishes to you on your journey.
I totally empathize with you; waiting for important test results freaks me out and sends me down the rabbit hole. So very glad that your results were negative. Give yourself a little slack today maybe? And an extra cup of tea and something delicious! : )
Awwww… I’m so glad your results were fine.
so glad for you! twenty years ago, I skipped my mammogram because I was “too busy” at work to take the time. 6 months later, my hubby reached around and gave me a hug from behind, and asked me what was this bump on my chest. Obviously, I wasn’t keeping up with self exams either.
I was very, very lucky that I got good treatment and lived to tell the tale. I totally get the stress and the not knowing for sure that everything is ok, and I totally second the advise for not putting off your annual checkups and also self exams. The excuses used to put it off, will no longer seem important should something actually be wrong.
So glad it turned out well for you. Family history anxiety causes a normally rational brain to turn into goo. Get Gordon to take you out to dinner and purchase a luxurious box of chocolate. Also a bubble bath (while enjoying tea and chocolate).
Hugs,
Lee
That is the WORST type of waiting. While I’m glad the results were good, it still stinks that you had to deal with all that anxiety. (We had something similar recently. Zero stars. Do not recommend.)
It’s also good that you told the BDH after everything. I’d hate to think of what we might have plotted to get your results to you faster.
Ferret heist
YES!
Yeesh, rough weekend. Sorry about that and very glad it was okay in the end!
In a way I was a bit relieved about medical worries when my kid turned 18. Figured while she’d be sad if I dropped dead, she’d probably be fine. Nope. Still the one she calls with anything remotely serious. Jump a car, sick cat, friend troubles, doesn’t matter. Not sure when/if that changes. Just gotta stay healthy I guess.
It doesn’t change. I can tell you from experience – being a daughter exactly like that. And yes, please stay healthy, for your daughter and yourself!
I just did another round of CBT and a somewhat useful bit was to classify your worries as either practical or hypothetical.
I won’t lie, it doesn’t always work but at least you can try and say to yourself “this is a hypothetical worry, I should focus on the now, I can’t do anything at this point and it’s useless to consider it.” And then do some mindful stuff for a moment instead.
I struggle with mindfulness but am trying. I’m better at the more practical types but I can breathe like a champ sometimes (I was making a joke but actually can get in the zone sometimes now. But watch out if you’re doing a YouTube one and it goes to an advert. Jarring.)
This is a different version of calling my sister who lives on the east coast starting Saturday afternoon, and then eventually every half hour up until 11PM on Sunday, and then getting up at 5 AM so I could call her at work on Monday. (Possibly she was out of town and I just didn’t know/remember it?)
She was at work and fine, and no, she didn’t go anywhere. Her explanation? “Oh sorry. I forgot that I turned off the bell on my phone Friday night so it wouldn’t bother me and forgot to turn it back on.”
If I didn’t know her so well, she would have had the police at her door doing a wellfare check on Sunday morning.
Was it done at STRIC? Mine took 2 1/2 weeks to get the results, I was panicking thinking it would bad news (mom had breast cancer and her side of the family). Nope, just fricking slow getting the results.
I remember before the hospitals went totally digital and I just had my mammogram done and got a phone call from the hospital when I got home to immediately come back. Whoa! Your mind kinda goes into shock or freeze mode. I drove back and had several more pictures taken. The technician didn’t get all of my underarm breast tissue and lymph nodes into the picture the first time. Thank fully the radiologist was on site and cleared me almost immediately. Heart can start beating now.
I also had two positive checks come up with my regular annual checkup. I had to have a sonogram of my uterus. They stuck the wand up it and had to move it around and press down on sections. Thankfully the second time that happened the technology had improved and they did the sonogram from the outside.
The last time was unexplained bleeding from lady parts during the pandemic. I was not in a good place as my mother had nearly died from her cancer. Several family members were not so lucky. My surgery was cancel and I was freaking out. My boss called me in as I guess my work was suffering. I had to tell her the entire story. The women is stone cold and does not care. Last thing I need is to get HR involved. Anyway they rescheduled my surgery and everything was fine. No Big C. I had an infection, who knew it could cause so much anxiety.
congratulations for another clean year.
I had my very first mammogram this year. I wasn’t nervous until the nurse told me it was normal for first timers to get a call back. so yeah I got a call back not even half hour later. I had to wait 5 days to go back and those days really sucked. I already have anxiety so that just went up 100%. went to get for scans done and everything is normal. but still sucks.
I’m glad your results were negative. Waiting for results is horrid. I can’t tell you how many “callbacks” I’ve had over the years. Every time they got a new, better machine, I had callbacks because they’d find more “stuff” to figure out.
I totally sympathize.
Ladies, don’t skip your mammograms.
I think lack of communication (even if it’s unavoidable) causes as much anxiety as diagnosis we get.
I had a referral to another doctor from my OBGYN. Just a name and number. When I called the number and was informed it was the cancer center I freaked out completely. I mean boss coming into my room while I’m bawling on the phone to my husband freak out.
The nurse never bothered to explain that when someone is anemic and needs to see a hematologist that the hematologists and oncologists are in the same center. All I knew was “abnormal bloodwork being referred to oncology.”
Thankfully iron infusions are a less scary need than where I thought that was going.
Anyway; I’m glad the results are fine; I understand sitting in all consuming anxiety.
The hardest part of all of these tests is waiting for the results – and I’m glad that your results were negative. What I’ve really hated is that when everything is normal, you’ll be able to see the results, but when there’s *something* they wait to publish until someone can call you.
I’ve had three surgeries this year for my breast cancer – and it sucks waiting for the results to make sure they’ve gotten everything out.
Hugs…..lots of hugs….
It’s so darn hard when the anxiety (based on prior experiences where it was justified or family history) take sober our brain and runs and runs! I’m so glad it was good news but sorry for the hours spent worrying. And feeling guilty for worrying your kiddos. (((Hugs)))
I am so very sympathetic for your worry. Of course with you family history and at a young age it is truly understandable. Congratulations on a good health result.
I am so happy your results came in clear. Yay!!! I can relate. I used to get results before leaving the building pre-covid but they streamlined the process and now I have to wait. I understand. I am a survivor and the facility is a cancer center so full of high risk people. But the wait…..
We were mammogram testing day twins. Am so sorry they took so long getting back to you. Thankfully I got my all clear results the next day. It really isn’t ok that they took so long to look at your results. (hugs)
Whoa, sorry! It does not sound like a fun time. Glad to hear all is well (and now you need another vacation to relieve stress).
I am so sorry you had to go through that. About 16 years ago I had a callback and had to go in for a 2nd mammogram. I was fine, but the memories still linger. I schedule my yearly mammogram religiously. Bless you for making sure your readers know the importance of basic health screenings.
I know that panicked feeling. I’ve had to go for follow up ultrasounds after a few of my mammograms (all fine, thank goodness). It leaves you with entirely too much time to think of worst case scenarios. So glad you’re okay!
I’m 4 weeks into a breast cancer diagnosis. I received the actual diagnosis quickly, but the waiting for reports between surgeries is one of the hardest I’ve had to do. So far I’ve had 2 surgeries. The first to remove the lump from my breast and a lymph node for biopsy (wait 7 days for results), then the second to take the rest of the lymph nodes because the biopsy came back positive. Yesterday I found out (that was another 7 days) that they believe they have it all. In amongst all of that was a PET/CT scan to check the rest of me for cancer cells.
I’m up to the point where we discuss chemo…
The whole process is full of anxiety and stress, regardless of whether the initial result is negative or positive. I’m glad that your worry was for nothing in the end, but I think your reaction is totally normal, and probably the way I would have reacted.
<> from a 19-Year Survivor. The process itself is very hard. Give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to help yourself from day-to-day. You CAN do this.
Lauren, what a burden you are carrying right now. I’m sorry that it’s been tough and good luck with the chemo and your recovery.
I’m one year out. I skipped out on mammograms, because I was told that there was no cancer in my family. Went to a new doc, and he insisted, so I went. They called me back the next day, said I had dense breast tissue, and did an ultrasound. Even I could tell that the black thing in my right breast did not belong there. Right breast had 3 tumors-one malignant, one benign, and one unidentifiable object. It was also loaded with precancerous cells. I decided to have both breasts removed, even though the likelihood of cancer was remote in the left breast. I now have the chest of a 12 year old boy, and I don’t care. I am alive and happy, and that is the best possible outcome for anyone. Best wishes to everyone for negative mammograms and please, don’t skip them!
Hang in there Lauren….you can do this! I am sure that the entire BDH is rooting for you and sending you virtual hugs! 💕💕
(Big hugs)
One thing that helps to get thru hard times is to try to find one thing to look forward to each day. It can be something small like seeing a favorite nurse, reading a book, listening to a song you love, Ilona’s posts, or a cookie. Anything that you can hold in your mind and know that no matter how hard the day is, there will be one bright spot to come. Deep breath, you can do this.
(Big hugs)
So sorry you had to go through that! So glad the results were good!
{gentle hugs} Waiting for test results and diagnostics can be agony! In August, right before my 25th wedding anniversary, I spent 2 full weeks thinking I would need surgery that had a significant chance of ending my life before they finished all the tests and said that while the news was not great, treatment would not involve surgery. My beloved hubbyogre and I spent those two weeks quietly, just supporting each other, without telling my scattered siblings and father anything about my worries. Invariably, they would have expected me to not only put a brave face on things, but to step into my traditional role of cheering up and reassuring everyone.
Sending you my prayers and virtual hugs 💕💕
For what it’s worth, I would’ve freaked out, too.
You don’t know me from Adam’s house cat, still I’m sending you comforting hugs if you want them. So happy everything came back clear.
I have medical anxiety about my eyes. I would say I’m a hypochondriac about my eye health. In Aug I went to my ophthalmologist for an exam. I had some issues. He said looks good, see you next year, but to go to an Optometrist for a prescription for driving at night. I did that two weeks ago and during my exam a spot showed up in my right eye which indicated a retinal scan was needed. I was a bit skeptical being that it was Lens Crafters, but sitting in the car afterwards I called my Optho and asked if something was missed in the ‘through’ exam 5 weeks prior? Dr. B saw me first off the next morning and long story short I have early dry Macular Degeneration and so sometimes us Hypos fretting disaster is not in our imagination.
I’m sorry about what you went through and I totally know how you felt.
I have weird eye stuff and get anxious too. I am glad you got an early diagnosis and good luck! My grandfather had Macular Degeneration and lived to 95 with decent vision.
I’m so glad you got a good report! I’ve had to reschedule my upcoming mammo due to COVID. It is the most anxiety-ridden test to face. Not even Xanax helps.
hugs
Cancer is horrible, and scary your fear is completely understandable. my grandmother died from a brain tumor, and non small cell lung cancer. my brother was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia, when he was 26. he is a survivor. he is 42 now, and has a 17yr old son. so if you ever do receive a cancer diagnosis, or if anyone who reads this has cancer please remember that there is hope.
Maybe not get back to work? I think one day to let your heart rate and blood pressure settle back to normal would not hurt anything. It is ok to have a human moment. Sending you lots of love from one professional worrier to another ❤️
Sending you so many tight hugs. Medical anxiety is real and this situation must have been nerve-wracking, I feel you completely, and I’m so glad you’re ok
Oh, Ilona, I am so sorry! Needless to say I am happy your results came back perfect and everything is well.
Perhaps this is a good time to thank you and Gordon. You see, I’m a survivor. Between 2021 and 2023 I’ve been battling with breast cancer (8 months cancer free, now). I am alone: my husband passed away and we didn’t have children, so my support group has been a tight group of friends and my books.
Every Friday, once I was set up for my chemotherapy, I would check this page and find the newest adventure of Dina and Sean (in what then became Sweep 🧹 of the Heart ♥️). For me, it was like meeting friends for tea and a chat (instead of being in a hospital room). Don’t get me wrong, I bless every day every person in the medical staff that took care of me: from the cleaning ladies to the nurses and doctors I couldn’t have asked for better people to take care of me. But Sean and Dina, Caldenia and Orro, Cosandion and Lady Wexin and all the rest brought light and life and laughs into those Fridays.
So, while you have been badly marked by the loss cancer has brought to your family, take strength in the knowledge that your creativity, your imagination, your love and your words have helped others -like me- beat it. And for that, I will be forever thankful to you!
I’m so happy you’re here with us and that you had a comfort in the books, Socorro! 🤗
🤗🤗
at your age it’s not a bad idea to get a prenuvo full body MRI.
Glad your news was good! Blessings for peace and calm.
Glad you’ve got your results and hope you are now decompressing! I understand what you’re going through. I had clotting throughout my leg a couple years ago, was on blood thinner for a year. Leg is still not feeling the same, so went for ultrasound to check. Results didn’t come in for over a month, during which I was somewhat anxious. Results are fine. The backlog is terrible. I think if they saw anything they would have contacted you right away, because there is the malpractice angle. Wishing you and family good health, and many books to come!
Please make a point of telling your rad tech that breast cancer runs in your family and this gives you a lot of anxiety. That should be in your chart.
My mother had breast cancer. They like to know these things.
Huge hugs.
On the “well, what if the results are bad” score – Does Gordon and/or whomever who would pick up the estate details have your phone access pin and have a spreadsheet of all the various financial accounts + account numbers? It really helps with financial estate notifications & transfers and various online accounts (if your life is in “the cloud”, what about making sure the cloud subscription stays active if CC is canceled?). 2FA SMS is used by a lot of financial institutions and chat apps for friend notifications.
My senior age dad suddenly passed unexpectedly last year, not of the possible prostate cancer for which he was going in for additional scans that same week, but of an unknown heart issue. It’s really sweet but still sad that I could guess his phone pin which he’d probably changed from his usual swipe pattern to something I would guess. That alone told me he was more worried than he admitted about the prostate cancer check-ups.
I have a prescription for Klonopin when I have days like this. It’s freaking magic, because it doesn’t make loopy or dumb or whatever; it just lets me feel normal again.
This level of anxiety is really rough. I’m familiar with it. It took over my life for a good while until I did some serious therapy and found meds that work. I hope you find a solution that works for you, too.
Hugs
Truly it turns out that no news was good news. I am so glad you finally got the answer you were looking (hoping) for.
Waiting on medical results/ diagnosis is one of the worst things ever. I am so sorry you went through this but very happy the results were “yahoo, now back to normal”.
I hope you are enjoying tea, yarn, pets, and bed frame problem solving.
Today I scheduled my first ‘callback’ for another mammogram and potentially an ultrasound. it’s nerve wracking and anxiety inducing. but I’m so glad to read all the comments here about people sharing their stories, their callbacks and how if they got through it, I can too. It helps.
Hugs. My father is a cancer survivor and my Aunt died from cancer when I was 16. I’m an emotional mess when it comes to the word cancer. Anything slightly abnormal looking I assume is suspicious and get checked.
I can relate to the cancer-in-the-family thing. Big Hug! Very happy for your negative result.
Aw, hugs.
I am that person who if given enough time to think about it will worst-case scenario a situation because (a) I believe that if I can image it happening it actually doesn’t (although I can never seem to cover all the scenarios unfortunately) and (b) after a long series of family medical issues it’s how I survive when things do turn out bad. I’ve already gameplanned all of it, so it’s “Okay, now we do X.”
I feel like an overdramatic fool every time it turns out to be nothing, but am on it when things go bad.
I have to have regular blood tests done for certain specific conditions. Pre-Covid, the results would be posted in 3 business days, MAX. In the last 2 years, they have been running 7-15 days (and lost twice; once the blood was lost and never tested and once the results were lost because the tests were botched). The stress on the providers and technicians mean tests, patients – and results – seem to be falling into tiny cracks and wormholes.
Aw, I’m so sorry for how stressful that was! Sometimes I feel like the unknown is worse than bad news – at least for imaginative people. Our minds just go haywire coming up with all sorts of scenarios and there’s all this awful, anxious energy to deal with until you can know for sure. But: yay for good news! So glad your results were good!
Glad everything turned out fine. The stress can be intense. I have some family history with breast cancer. A few years ago, shortly after a childhood friend had a double mastectomy, I had to go back in for more images. The 3D imaging still wasn’t good enough, and had to get an ultrasound. I thought I had been handling things pretty well until I cried in relief when I was given the all clear.
I had something similar for my first mammogram. I was scanned and warned I may need a second visit as these will be used as a baseline for the future. No problem except they called me the next morning to set up an appointment for an ultrasound the next day. Hmmm, I think, that was fast. After the ultrasound that focused on one area of one breast I was told my dr would have the results by tomorrow afternoon: I got a call from my dr THE SAME DAY that she wanted to see me to discuss some test results. Panic mode!
Of course this was on a Thursday and the nearest appointment was the following Wednesday so I spend the weekend with my brain whirring. It turns out the results my dr wanted to discuss were for something else; my breasts were fine. A skin tag on my breast triggered the ultrasound and it has since been removed to prevent anymore flagging for a secondary inspection.
It ended well but that was several days of trying to pretend everything was fine.
I’m so sorry you were caused such worry, and I’m glad everything is OK. My mum died of lung cancer, so I understand the angst. Zen hugs to you, and hope that next time the results are posted more promptly.
🫂
*HUGS* I totally understand & am happy it was all fine in the end. Cancer hit the adult women in my life multiple times from my childhood through adulthood so I get it.
Ilona I’m sorry you had a tough weekend with the delay in your mammogram results. The mind can do a number on ourselves and make us suffer. Glad your results came back today negative. I recently had the best Hibiscus Tea with tumeric added to it and it was very relaxing. I just finished reading Maud’s book and saw she drank some Mint tea so I’m thinking of trying that next. Cheers
here I New Zealand it’s every 2 years. but a pain in the……… I don’t know what I’d do if it came back a problem.
rest relax have a cup of tea. and… write some more many words.
as you know we love you.
I’m so glad your scan came back well, and sorry you had to go through the worry (waiting and the unknown can be the worst).
We’re currently waiting for my mom to be able to get in for an appointment this week to see her cancer doctor. She had a lump removed and chemo and was cleared about half a year ago, but there’s new unexpected bruising popping up now.
So since i can’t do anything I’m learning how to make my own chocolates (macaroon ganache fillings work great in homemade chocolates btw) and taking it out on all the weeds in my yard when I’m not at work. luckily i have enough weeds (never thought I’d say that sentence)
Such good news! Many hugs!
What a stressful weekend for you, but I’m glad it turned out okay. Hugs!
I had my mammography done yesterday, and even though the nurse said it will usually take 5 days, just before i left she said “but they might come in today”, i checked my own portal repeatedly during the afternoon. I think it is just that the worry/anxiety we all have somewere just blasts up during these waiting times. It is the same when i get the biannual check for uterus cancer.
So I totally get you. It is not rational and not positive thinking and doesn’t do anything good for us, but to me at least it is this fear of something I have no control over going wrong in my body.
One thing I can count on though – when I worry about something, my husband always make inappropriate jokes about it, and then I get mad and laugh.
Oh my!! my personal story means little but means I am SO sorry this happened. We are so thankful the results were not worth worrying about. Be sure you go back next year, be sure Gordon sees his doctor every year and tell your children to go every year!! An extra week of anxiety is worth every double check the radiology people make
Sending you love! What an exhausting weekend!
Care and solidarity.
So happy for you that your results are good!
And your anxiety is so relatable. Hugs to you.
Cancer runs in the family on my mom’s side so I understand. My grandma, aunts and cousins all got one form of cancer and my mom has it. She had surgery last year on her womb and it was all clear after but it’s back now and they can’t do surgery so we waiting to hear when or if she can start chemotherapy. She’s being positive because she knows friends who had aggressive cancer and doctors who said they would only have a 1 or 2 years, but one friend kept going for 10 years before the cancer eventually got her and the others still going strong.
Also lost one of our cats to cancer last year too, she just kept losing weight and didn’t meow or purr anymore and she sat on all our laps (didn’t do that before as only sat on my brother or dads lap).
So yeah, wishing all the love and hugs to you all who have experienced it one form or another and that all your scans to come, come up clear and cancer free.
I am glad everything turned out ok. I am sorry you had some stressful days while waiting to hear back.
Waiting sucks. I’m glad your results are negative. I had almost the same experience, except they called me finally with positive results. This told me they wouldn’t put any positive results in my portal without talking to me first. Thankfully everything was caught in time, and I’ve been cancer-free for the past 6 years. But man, how nerve-wracking.
Glad all results are negative! I relate to freaking out!
I’m so glad you’re well! It went very much against the grain for me but I started sharing my anxiety with my doctors and when I go for testing. They are usually very good about providing almost immediate results. I lost someone way to young
to breast cancer and suffer from similar anxiety. And while I abhor
cutting the line, a very smart
doctor reminded me that equality
isn’t equity and most folks wouldn’t be physically sick with worry for the days it takes for the report. It’s not always possible but maybe you don’t need to suffer the wait! Best of luck next year.
so sorry this happened. glad the results were fine!
*hug*
I work in a radiology department, I wish I could have been there to reassure you because, unfortunately, a delay like that isn’t uncommon. I’m so glad you’re OK though. I have a similar family history with cancer, especially breast cancer. I think I know just how terrified you were. Sending many hugs.
I’m glad it ended well and you’re healthy!
As a recovering breast cancer patient at 37, I feel you. After all my treatments, I had a MRI scan on a Friday and didn’t hear back like I normally would, which was same day up till this point. I ended up calling on a Tuesday after being miserable and thinking I relapsed all weekend. The scan was clean but the anxiety was intense.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. Wishing you continued clean scans the rest of your days.
Also,sending lots of good vibes your way.
Nope nope nope. You were being an advocate for yourself. And most days it’s what one Has to do with healthcare. Mental health is healthcare. They could have emailed you that they were backed up. That’s common courtesy.
I’m sorry they dropped that ball.
But know next year to ask them to email you if they are backlogged in reading the images due to your mental health. Most are willing to do that if they see a backlog.
I am glad you had normal results, and sorry you have to go through this each year. If anything happened to you, we would be devastated. Your books are a critical part of our life.
Waiting on something like that is SO hard. Relieved the results are good. Also sending hugs your way.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, Ilona. The confluence of a difficult personal history with cancer and an over-worked medical system was really the pits.
There is a mammogram place in Arnold, Maryland that I go to which is designed to deal with this kind of situation much more effectively. When I go in, the tech does the imaging and then the doctor immediately takes a look at them. If there is any question, they can do more films then and there, so 10 minutes of anxiety rather than a week. I then have the option of actually talking to the doctor to address any remaining concerns I might have. It is a wonderful system.
I wish everyone had access to this kind of mammogram. It really makes a difference in a potentially stressful situation.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m glad that it was clear.
I am in healthcare and hate when the system doesn’t work, and your story is a good example of that.
Feel free to call your doctor on the weekend, or call the imaging center to see if they have an after-hours emergency number, to see if they can get a report for you. They may, or may not, be able to do so depending on where the report is in their process.
Extreme anxiety, like you experienced, is an emergency, and it is ok to call and let your doctor, or the on-call doctor, know you are having extreme anxiety and need their help getting the results.
And I’m very glad to hear you got good results in the end.
Hugs! ♥ Also, what is up with the bed frames? My kid keeps breaking them too! This last one I finally decided to build a frame out of 2×4’s under the bed so that the frame still looked “fancy” but the legs didn’t break off. 😂
I am sorry that you had to wait so long. I am a worrier. My husband used to say that if I didn’t have something to worry about that I would worry about that. I hope that your week is wonderful.
I’m so sorry you had that awful weekend. It is so genuinely frightening waiting for test results sometimes, especially if family history is not so great. I am so glad you have a wonderful supportive family to help you through these times.
My chart is updated so quickly that I usually see the results before the doctor. Apparently my WebMD medical degree is not foolproof as I have panicked over a couple of results that were actually fine. (But they sure looked bad…). I hope you and yours have a great fall!
Never accept a lack of test results as normal business as usual. Always get to the bottom of it. And if they ‘see’ something, get your next appointment as quickly as possible. You have to be a health advocate for yourself in the system!
Some medical systems are designed on the “no news is good news” pattern, though.
Whoof. That is one rotten way to spend a weekend or any time at all. It came back negative…EXHALE. May you never go through that again.
Sending hugs
I’m glad everything came back negative!
There is nothing more stressful then waiting for something we find monumentally important and know that for them it is just routine. I am so sorry you had that stress and like you I know that Mammograms are integral and press my friends to get them. I am so glad yours came back negative. There is nothing worse in this world than to have found out too late. I hope today was better than yesterday and tomorrow is better than that.
HUGE hug.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that and why do we always time this kind of thing for the weekend? Grr Sometimes life is hard. I’m so happy your mammogram was good news.
What a pain! How stressful. I’m a call immediately person bc I know I will spiral if I don’t but I am also a procrastinator if I think the answer might be negative so I can see letting it slide bc I don’t want to hear it anyway if it’s bad news. SO all around, sympathy and love and hugs to you. -XOXO (as my Ukranian grandparents always signed their notes)
*offers hugshugshugshugshugshughugshugshugs ……*
This is exactly what I do. Worst possible scenario is the first place my mind goes. Hope you are able to get some sleep now and get back to normal. So glad everything is ok.
I really get it. My mother also died of breast cancer and the entire family on my father’s side seemed to have every type of cancer possible.
I am in my 70’s now and out of concern for my nieces I joined this breast cancer study in California. Sending love and hope the anxiety clears 🙏
So happy that nothing was wrong with your breasts. And don’t worry about panicking, you are not alone.
I also visit my doctor regularly for tests. Some years ago he took a probe of cervixcells. A week later he sent me a letter that there had been some changed cells and I should visit asap for another test. I called at once and the answering machine told me that he had left for three weeks for holidays. The most awful three weeks of my life. Of course, later on with the second test everything had been alright.
Since my entire family of my fathers side, my father, his siblings, my grandfather and three cousins had died of cancer I think panicking is understandable. By the way: my mothers family is very healthy. Her siblings are more then 80 years old and still healthy. My grandmother died with 96. A greataunt committed suicide at the age of 103 because she wanted to leave this planet. So you could say that my risk of cancer is at 50:50. Still panicking.
Yes, every woman who goes through the physical, emotional, and psychological trauma or their yearly mammogram can understand EXACTLY what you are going through. I often get called back for a second one b/c of my dense breast tissue, even with the 3D imaging. Cancer is a scary, ugly thing that has and can be super destructive to families. Breast cancer in particular is on both sides of my family – I get it! So here are gobs and gobs of support and understanding being sent your way – and YAY for your negative results!
I’m so sorry you had to have a horrendous weekend like this.
It’s totally normal to jump to the worst case scenario and it’s always utterly awful and soul destroying.
I’m glad it’s good news. Long may the good news continue!
*gentle hugs*
medical anxiety has a special way of being insidious.
glad you finally got your results and they are good.
I’ve been getting the callbacks for decades and it freaks me out every time. There seems to be a pattern of notifying me of indeterminate news on Friday afternoons when I can’t reach anyone until Monday so the weekend is miserable. I now schedule all the mammograms early in the week and start calling them on Thursday if I haven’t heard anything.
Our minds always seem to go to the worst possible scenario without adequate information. For me it’s a defense mechanism; if I have a plan I deal with bad situations much better. The one time I did get bad news the options offered were confusing and doctors in various associated disciplines had different opinions, all fairly radical.
The experience taught me to never, ever, make a decision based on fear. It takes a while to work through it but ultimately you’re in charge even when there seem to be no great choices. It’s still your call.
Glad you are ok
Nothing worse than waiting when you have an expected date things are to happen. Glad it was nothing more than lost sleep.
I had my first mammogram in my 30s after mother was diagnosed with hrt breast cancer. I never had another for 15 years until this spring. I haven’t had any hormones in 20 years. They told me all the tests, all the things that would be wrong and how dare I have waited that long. There’s reasons.
Report said “come back in 2 years”. Usually when one is in the 50s, and family history it’s every year. Have enough stress didn’t need that one too.
Good news!
I’ve had the anxiety (the rocket ship to the planet catastrophe) and now I’ve had the results we worry about. A new book or Graphic Audio production of your work became a gift that got me through an infusion. I empathize with your anxiety and thank you for your work
In my experience if they find something they call.
You might be able to talk your provider into ordering a diagnostic mammogram which could be read that day. That’s how I was diagnosed in March and I have neither BRCA genes but a horrible family history of breast cancer (I’m the 3rd generation to get it on maternal side).
If you can’t talk them into a diagnostic mammogram message early and often. Then again I’m not against emotional manipulation of medical professionals if it gets me answers quicker. You have the right to be concerned, and the right to quick answers.
Don’t worry about me – I’m almost cancer free!
I’m so glad your results came back negative and also so sorry you had to go through that. I totally know how you feel! Sorry this is long, but your post definitely struck a chord with me.
I recently had to have multiple rounds of medical tests done:
– It started with an x-ray due to a minor slip in the shower. (If I had just actually let myself fall rather than trying to catch myself, I would’ve just had sore knees instead of a hurting my back!!) Back was fine on the x-ray (just a mild sprain No slipped disc or anything) but they thought maybe there was ‘something else’ on the x-ray. (Spoiler: there wasn’t.) Recommended a chest x-ray.
– Chest x-ray said chest is fine, but may have uncovered ‘something else’ there? (Spoiler:nope!) More tests.
-Every single round of tests confirmed the issue ‘found’ on the prior test was fine, but noted ‘something else’ that had to be checked.
-Every single subsequent test confirmed the ‘something else’ from the prior test was fine but also found a new ‘something else’ (unrelated to the prior ‘something else’) which now had to be checked.
And so on and so forth. This has been going on since May(!!!) since it usually takes a minimum of several weeks to get an appointment for new tests!🙄
I was pretty much freaking out at first (also contemplating mortality etc) but now I am just very annoyed and wondering if I glow in the dark yet (ok, that might be cool.)
And since I feel fine, have no symptoms of ANYTHING, and everything is checking out fine (eventually!) I’ve decided it’s just a waste of my time to freak out. My freak outs will not change anything (except maybe freaking out my family for NO reason!)
Instead, I’ve decided I’m back on my normal schedule of reading, cooking delightful things, reading, going for walks, reading, and (if I have time) reading. (Reading makes everything better!)
Here’s wishing you (and anyone else going through the waiting now or next year) peace, calm, and strength.😁💕💕
I got diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago. I, of course, freaked. The big C. I got told two days after the test, one usually gets a polite letter about two weeks after saying everything is okay. Within two weeks I was getting more thorough testing and tomographs and then operated on within the month. Two months of radiation therapy twice weekly and have been checked every year since then. It is something I got through with only a chunk of breast gone and never having to shave my left armpit…It is not the automatic death knell anymore. Take heart and know that medicine hasn’t cured all cancers yet, but they can sure do a good job of taking care of us.
This is off-topic, but wanted to send to you because “Wilmington” and I thought it might be useful info for your house search (I see you rolling your eyes)! and books or novellas you might or might not be writing. https://www.mansionglobal.com/articles/jennifer-aniston-and-julia-roberts-are-among-the-stars-drawn-to-this-north-carolina-island-youve-never-heard-of-e15b7a17?
Seems like visiting it might be fun! Or impossible.
Anyway, I’m very sorry that the no news is good news did not work! Sometimes, we just need answers and the healthcare system is not the most efficient at it.
Hugs.
Sooo, this is how anxiety makes it difficult to engage the “thinking problem solving” part of our brain in a perceived emergency. Negative event and lack of information causes the “danger warning” part of the brain to set off an alarm chemical. This excites the brain’s executive functioning making it difficult to problem solve. Once order is restored and the chemical is absorbed it starts to become easier to think and solve the problem. UNLESS we keep stimulating the brain with old memories, catastrophic thoughts and new chemicals. We all do this and is sucks when it happens. Deep Breathing, positive self talk… with practice helps. Crying and getting angry also helps to break the cycle!!!! Writers are brave and the best are also vulnerable (you are one of those) and you are cherished by many. I am sorry that you were frightened and your fright is completely understandable (not sure that is a word). Thank you for sharing I love these POSTS.
Glad it all turned out okay despite the mental turmoil.
This line resonates with me: “ because I am a woman, and we spread bad news and when our friends commiserate, we feel better”
My husband had a diagnosis of cancer (very treatable-not to worry) over the summer and he did NOT want it shared – I respect that. But for me, that part above would have helped so much… because while it wasn’t my diagnosis, I did live it in my way and needed the support.
My own belated rant… he is through treatment and working on recovery.
there are no words for how happy this news makes me. And I Hate that you lived through that anxiety. Love and well wishes.
And eternal thanks for happy making books that take me away from worry and occasional pain. Just. May you continue with the small worries- no big ones!
And a bed frame that keeps breaking? lol
I got my mammogram at 9:00 am on the Tuesday after Labor Day and the results came in *that evening*. A first for me as far as the turnaround, I guess it was slow over the holiday weekend (surprise) and I was early in the queue.
I think you had NORMAL feelings & reactions – esp with your family hx, and I think you also have a good friend fighting cancer as well? Don’t beat yourself up over it! You have to act, and share or explode or become very depressed.
So glad you are ok! Onward & forward! Hugs!
“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” Mark Twain
I too have a Nana, Great Aunts, and a Father all who died from cancer. My annual breast exam freaks me out every year…
I have Twain’s quote posted in my kitchen. Sometimes it helps 🙂
I glad your results showed you free of cancer :)!!!!
Me last year, only my second annual mammogram (no health insurance for just over 20 years), something suspicious in right breast. Follow up appointment in 2 months, 2 months! Drive an hour to the big hospital, so many women present that all the lockers are in use, waiting room overflowing, about a 45 minute wait. Finally I get called back, scans on two different machines, get directed to return to the waiting room. Twenty minutes, get taken down another hallway to a different machine, more scans, return to waiting room. Finally they pull me into a private room, only to tell me that they can’t reproduce the mass, so it must have been a fold of tissue or something. Whew.
This year they sent an email to me directly instead of through MyChart, unfortunately I can’t open the attachment for 3 days. Country living, new 5G tower 2 miles up the road and our connection is somehow worse than ever. Finally I get enough signal to open the attachment, and its all good.
Doesn’t the medical community know that stress isn’t good for us?
And yes, my daughter with brain cancer just wants to be normal.
Glad you finally got your answer.
So glad your results came back negative! Thanks for the reminder of how important mammograms are.
Have a good week of getting back to normal!
The torture that is a routine mammogram is horrible. I have been getting diagnostic mammograms for the past 30 years, and they tell me I’ve outlasted the diagnostic and have to go back to routine. After I was diagnosed with breast cancer on my right side, but before treatment, I had a routine mammogram on my left side, just because. They called me back 3 days later for additional screens. My husband and I were panicking. My oncologist was incensed that the radiography department put us through that. I would love it if she would have another hissy fit about outlasting the protocol, but I guess I will survive, I have so far.
Yep, that’s me. I just had mine done and I check the next day in the portal, knowing it would not be there, but still HAVE to check and it’s NOT THERE. Then of course “my rational thinking had tumbled down the stairs and broke its neck” and I think of what I have to do to prepare for my illness.
Finally it’s there, everything is normal but they mention something (that is not a problem) and I go to Dr. Google (as my friend calls it).
Everything is cool, but what we put ourselves through can border on the extreme.
Glad yours was fine too.
I have dense breast tissue and almost always require a follow-up ultrasound and sometimes a biopsy…
negative so far but it does send my anxiety through the roof too.
you are normal and I am send you a big hug!!
Echoing at least one other person in the comments, I go to an imaging center that has a radiologist look at the results before you leave. Waiting room, then mammogram, waiting room, then results. Highly recommend for you! Emotional triggers from childhood are brutal. I empathize. Hugs!
::HUGS::!!!🤗
I’m so glad you’re negative (in a very positive way).
Big hugs. We make our own monsters of the things that scare us. 🙏🏼
So happy that the results were normal.
I agree that slow return on results is scary. But having had a bad report I know that those go out very quickly! I’m a 6 yearBC survivor. I’m so glad you got a good report!
“I would like to go back to normal” I hear you, loud and clear. I want my old normal back too.
Lost a parent last year to skin cancer, losing the other one to dementia and there’s sooo much work involved. I kept saying I’m scared to find out what’s next. Then I found it….skin cancer (different type than my parent but….)
I don’t like this new normal.
Congratulations on your results!!! That is truly awesome. You made it!
I have my two year mammogram in a few weeks.
I have done this. So have my writer friends. Every writer ever born has an imagination that goes from zero to catastrophe in 2.3 seconds. Hugs and sympathy. (In my case, the doctor refused to give me the results of something and I jumped to renal cancer. It was a kidney stone, but my brain tortured me with cancer thoughts for four days.)
Oh boy can I commiserate with you. I had cervical cancer for the first time at age 28 and I underwent surgery to remove my cervix in uterus. I also had endometriosis and fibroid tumors that were making me hemorrhage every month. Since I’d already had my kids and had my tubes tied it was no great loss to have surgery to have everything removed. I got to keep my ovaries. So the fact that I wasn’t castrated, for me felt like it was a win-win. Move forward 6 years I was living in a different state. At no point did anyone tell me that I needed to continue to have pap smears every year at least. I was working in a job where I had insurance for the first time in forever. I go to my new PCP. The first thing she asked after me telling her my medical history was when was the last time I had a pap smear. Thank God she made me have one, because I had cancer again. This time it was vaginal, so I went through chemotherapy. Move forward 7 years, I’m in a different state. I get a new PCP and once again asked the question of when was the last time I had a pap smear after explaining my extensive history. Lo and behold I had cancer again. This time they just removed what they could. Every 3 months going for the pap tests made me so edgy and the wait to get the results was excruciating. I stayed cancer free for about 20 years. This time I was in yet another state and for crying out loud I had cancer again. At this point I asked if they would just remove whatever they could so that I didn’t have to keep going through this. I was told no they would not do that, because it would create a host of other problems that I didn’t want to deal with. They did an ablation procedure. Every 6 months I have to go for pap smears and it will be like that for the rest of my life. Now every pap test is slow torture until I get the results. However the alternative is not getting those pap tests and hoping that I remain cancer free. That’s not really ideal.
Oh my gosh! That’s both terrible and good that they caught it each time, I guess? Thank you for reminding me to make an appointment with my gyn.
Arghhhh! Blessed be.
I get you. I had my mammo this year. The nurse called and left a message saying she needs to talk about my mammogram. I listen to the message while having a mini heart attack and sweating bullets. I call back to talk to the nurse. I was on hold for about 10 minutes while I still I am sure having a heart attack. She comes on and tells me my test was negative and everything was ok. Couldn’t you leave a message about that! Ugh! Heart rate back to normal
So happy all is well. 💗
I’m 67 and never had a mammogram. People are shocked 😱 till I explain that I got breast CA at 29. That was in 1986 before mammograms were routinely recommended for younger women with a positive history of breast CA.
Total sympathy about your panic. I was diagnosed and treated successfully in 2000. so 23 years. Unfortunately since then I have had 5 callbacks. Every one has ultimately been clear, but scary as during the process.
If it makes you feel better, I had a very similar thing happen in August with a thyroid biopsy. (My doctor said my thyroid felt enlarged during my routine physical. She sent me to get an ultrasound on it, and yep, pretty good sized “mass” there. Sent me to get a biopsy). Getting 4 needles inserted into your throat is anxiety inducing enough, but waiting the 5-7 business days for the results was torture. Then…nothing. No results. I called the doctor who did the test. They transferred me to “records”, who transferred me to someone else, who told me to call a number that no one ever answers EVER. I called my primary doctor. She couldn’t get an answer from anyone either. I called records again, who transferred me to a random doctor’s office that I had never visited before. I talked to a woman who told me she had them, but emailed me the order from my doctor to do the biopsy instead of the actual results. This went on FOR 3 WEEKS, and the whole time I’m sure that either a) I have thyroid cancer or b) they lost the samples and I’m going to have to be stabbed in the throat with needles AGAIN. Finally, I called the tech who helped with the biopsy and she said that if I drove the 40 minutes back out to the office, she’d make a copy of the paper results that the lab had mailed to her. (Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure the lab that tested my samples was in Texas…maybe we used the same lab?). At that point, I was so desperate for answers that I jumped in the car right away to go pick it up. Luckily, the mass was benign, so it just gets to hang out on my thyroid for another year before we ultrasound it again to see if its grown any. I don’t have your trauma with the “c word”, but it was still nerve-wracking to wonder if your cells have conspired against you. Playing daily phone tag with the entire hospital system doesn’t help much either.
All that to say, I’m glad you’re okay. (And I think these kinds of delays happen much more often that what we’d like to think.) Hopefully if it happens to someone else in the BDH, they’ll remember your story and it’ll help them be a little calmer while they wait.
My gyn office told me that I would receive a notice Right Away if there was an issue. But that if it took a while, it generally means that things are okay.
Not that it helps when you’re worried.
As a physician member of the BHD, I want you to remember that vast majority of people with an abnormal mammogram don’t have cancer. It is a screening test, so there are a lot of false positives. Screening helps us decide who needs an actual DIAGNOSTIC test. Not to mention the reason you get annual mammograms is so that you catch cancer early enough that it is easy to treat. Having said all that, I’m glad it was negative!!
I totally understand. My Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles have died from cancer.
The latest statistics show that 50% of the population will have cancer in their lifetime.
It is why I do a week long fast about every 3 months (greatly reduces your risk of cancer and other diseases).
There is good evidence that cancer is a result of metabolic dysfunction. The mitochondria fail to produce enough ATP and the cells switch to using fermentation instead of oxygen for energy.
Which is why I have gone mainly low carb.
I wanted to share this with you because I know the same fear.
I hope this can be helpful.
Much like computers, the new portals and laws regarding test results are so nice when they work, but when they don’t, it’s awful!
And anything to do with the C word just makes it worse! I’m very happy all is well!
I’m so glad everything is ok. I once had to have a biopsy and the Doc didn’t let me know the results for over 10 days. It was the worst 10 days I’ve ever spent. To the doctors the mammograms and biopsies are routine and they forget the angst waiting can cause. It s a failure of empathy and emblematic of the failings in our healthcare system.
That sucks I’m sorry you got so stressed out by the entire ordeal. Hugs and love be apon you and yours. I’m glad you are wise enough to do the annual testing. I do anual testing for urological problems.
Again HUGS to you and yours
I join the Zen hugs club! It is so hard to wait on results.
For me, I have fibrocystic, extremely dense breasts, so I’m used to being called back for an ultrasound. Nearly every year, in fact. With the advent of 3D, I had 2 consecutive years without being called back in!!! Wheee!
Then came October 2022. This was different. There was an architectural anomaly. I cheat and read my labs immediately, btw, often before the doctors do. I teach anatomy and physiology to students going into healthcare (doctors, nurses, PT, PTA, etc), so I have a strong background, but not a clinical one. I usually figure it out and the conference with dr is just confirmation. So I was waiting for the call… yep… could you please come in asap for an ultrasound. So of course I did. Now, being the nerd geek that I am, I like to watch. And I saw this monster pop up on the screen. Invasive lobular carcinoma, classic textbook case. This next part is funny. So the radiologist comes back in with a sad look on his face. I say “I’m going to need a biopsy, aren’t I”. He says, “unfortunately, yes”. I say, “it’s probably malignant, isn’t it. I saw the images.” He says, hesitating (they really aren’t supposed to discuss this, but it was blatant), “unfortunately, yes” . I said “ok, been expecting it eventually, but not this soon.” So out I go and we schedule the biopsy, both sides actually, but right side was much bigger. So biopsies both sides. Fast forward to appt with surgical oncologist. After a bunch of testing, more biopsies (I think I counted getting poked 17 times within about 2 weeks, but one of these was another funny story that I will spare you now), nuclear imaging, etc., turns out I had invasive lobular carcinoma on both sides. The one on the right was 8cm, the two on the left were each about 2 cm. ILC is very hard to find. I was exceedingly fortunate to have gotten this radiologist and for him to have found it. From what I’ve read in medical journals it gets missed about 80% of the time. So I spent 8 months on a chemo to shrink the tumor so they could operate. Then I had a double mastectomy, “Goldilocks” style, where they save the skin if possible and make a flap that is like a tiny little breast, without a nipple. Unfortunately, they found metastatic carcinoma in some nodes, so it is probably elsewhere as well. More chemo, then 6 weeks of radiation. My skin is red and peeling, but I am starting to heal. That is a long story, and I left a lot out. I anticipated having to deal with this because both my grandmother and mother had it. My mother’s killed her, and mine is the exact same type and has the same markers.
My reason for sharing is because things can be pretty bad (ILC is less than 5 – 10% of breast cancers, and it is nasty and runs like a husky), and still turn out good. I’m recovering well. I have the most supportive husband anyone could hope for. I have expectations to resume martial arts, riding horses, dancing, etc., I just need to be patient and get my strength back gradually. I hate being weak and out of shape! That feels worse than the cancer. But I have been so tired.
Takeaway from this long story is: ladies, get your mammogram. Most breast cancers are found while they are still tiny (1-2mm) and localized (“in situ”). Catch them in time and outcomes are great, 5 year survival rate is about 99%. It is seriously not much worse than skin cancer (other than metastatic melanoma anyway; I was just “lucky” to get a nasty one). It is still scary. But there are positive aspects too! I haven’t worn a bra since 6/21/2023. I will be able to wear spaghetti string tops and dresses, and backless dancing dresses! My nipples don’t show through my shirt when it is cold. I don’t have to hold my breasts when jogging or on the elliptical, even though wearing a sturdy sport bra. I am relishing these changes! So there is a silver lining to everything. The silver lining I cannot see is my cat’s cancer. She has lymphoma and has been on kitty chemo for months. There is no cure, just trying to give her best quality of life. I won’t go there now because it is too sad and I’m trying to end this on a positive note. I guess the most positive thing is that she is not in pain, just quiet. They gave her a life expectancy of 2-4 months with treatment, 2-4 weeks without. We went for treatment. It has now been 6-8 months, depending on when you start the clock, and she has been happy, other than getting increasingly picky about what she will eat. I’m open to suggestions. She isn’t happy with most healthy prepared cat foods (We often have about 5 different ones open at a time), so we have expanded to canned clams and steak. Anyway, I guess the positive part here is we have had more time with her. So try not to be too scared of breast cancer, but be diligent in your screenings. I was never late, I just had a bad type that most of you are likely not to get. Best wishes to the entire horde and their families.
((Big hugs))
So happy the anxiety storm has passed, and all is well with you! We learn as children from adults and even it seems, from DNA of direct lines, how to respond to everything. Fight or flight or freeze when unexpected things happen. I am learning to change my responses to more positive ones. I hope to achieve true relaxation at some near point in time! Heh. Best wishes no more reasons to fret and more reasons to enjoy!
It’s great your results are negative, Ilona. But I just want to say that nowadays, breast cancer is treatable, if caught early. I survived the bugger twice, on both sides, with the interval of 18 years, and I’m doing OK. My mother also survived it twice. She is now 90 and still kicking, although she is complaining about her knees. Whatever happens in the future, don’t panic.
Stay on top of mamograms and breat exams. Found a small hard pea sized mass. Mot seen on mamogram when a digital was done. They were unable to biopsy. Primary said it wasn’t Ca, Radiologist said it probably wasn’t Ca. Surgeon took it out in the office. “It probably wasn’t Ca”.
2 days later I got a phone call at the grocery store. It was Ca. Early catch.
Be vigilant not OCD.
I’m sorry your had a such a stressful and awful weekend, but so happy to,hear the mammogram was clear. A relief for another year.
Oh! WOW! talk about stressful, so pleased to hear you are clear. 😊 x
I hope you won’t mind my foray into dealing with cancer.
As one of your male readers now 67, I found myself with advance Prostate Cancer, I had no symptoms until 3 weeks before a visit to my GP followed her fast tracking me to James Cook University Hospital (UK), apparently my PSA count was up, whilst not extremely high it was enough to trigger the referral. After various types of scans CT, MRI, std X-rays (ok to deal with) and (camera (not pleasant)) etc; I was told the cancer had escaped the encapsulation, it had entered the Lymphatic system. As this was during covid 19 was prominent so the notification had to be via a phone call, as such was advised at this time I must of had this without symptoms for quite a while, it is not at present curable at this stage, well It took a few moments to sink in I will tell you, however, it was time to put on big boy pants and to look the issue straight in the eye. my first comment in a steady clear voice was “ok, what do I do moving forward”. The oncologist seemed a bit stunned as if he was expecting me to fall apart, I was aware that having positive attitude from the get-go can make it a lot easier to cope and for my lovely wife Chritine, family, and friends. (Please note: Hope you do not feel I am in any way bragging I do occasionally get a down day luckily not many), I was advised they could help me manage it. So that’s a plus point and where I am now… sorry my grammar skills are not a s good as yours😊
Foot note.
Make sure Gordon get regular checks, it can be a sneaky cancer.
I will happily speak to any one about my situation, it is important to make people aware especially men also any ladies married or in a stable relationship with a man, keep an eye on them, we men can be terrible not wanting to go see a GP about our health.
Stay well both of you.
I have had breast cancer and the scans are the worst. I call it Scanxiety, the waiting …
I am so glad that yours are clear!
Happy to hear your report was negative and would suggest you make a reminder to confirm with the tech what their current “suspicious” notification is. Hopefully having that information will be a lifeline to hold onto for you. I tend to opt for the “no news is good news” approach as any call backs have been within two days for me.
*hugs*
God bless you, Ilona & Gordon
*hugs*
I’m so happy that the results came back fine! Hugs to you.
Is it bad that, as soon as I saw things were okay, my mind immediately went to the bed frame and came up with the usual romance-novel-reasons why they break? lolol.
So glad your results were great. Now you can go back to normal for a while.
In my case, there was something abnormal and I was scheduled for an ultrasound. My mind went immediately to worst case scenarios because that’s just how I’m wired – I spent time planning out disposal of my worldly goods while the anxiety kept building up inside. To me, cancer is a terrible way to go due to the long period of suffering. I mean, I want to go in my sleep. Long story short, ultrasound couldn’t find what they spotted on the mammogram and I am to be alert for any changes – and get myself to the hospital asap if there is anything. It has been 2 years now and reading your post made me realised i have not talked about this to anyone before.
I’m happy you got the best results and sorry it took so long.
I am happy that your report was negative. It was unnecessary anxiety and sorrowful memories for you in the interim. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt memory.
P.S. Your writing /storytelling is amazing and beautiful.
Next year ask your doctor to put down “stat read” on your mammogram script. Usually at most big centers they are read before you leave the appointment.
A positive attitude is very strong medicine. They say it very healing. watch what you eat. stay away from processed meats and prepared foods.
best wishes
I’m sorry that you had a stressful weekend. I hope the next week goes really well for you
Sending big hugs (because there are no words that cover this.) When you’ve seen too much, know too much, OF COURSE you freak out. We all do! In my case, I do it very quietly, in my head, but usually my husband can tell after a bit. (Mental image is of a part of me running frantically in circles, arms waving, hair on fire, screaming. The rest of me is trying to remember that bad results from scans usually arrive very early, rather than late.)
I don’t know if it helps that you are so not alone. But you are in good company with SO very many people. And some of them are going to remember your post next time they are waiting for results, and it will help them thru. Thank you.
I’m so glad you got good news! ((Big hugs))
Twice now I’ve had abnormal mammograms, and thankfully neither was cancer. The first required removal of a benign lesion, which meant a biopsy, and a lumpectomy because it was blocking a duct. The second was a cyst that makes itself known by presenting like a small lump, and then shrinking back to nothing. I found my mind can go to some very dark, scary places waiting for test results and repeat appointments. I ‘m so sorry you had to go through that private hell!
(((Hugs)))
The struggle can be real. Next time you feel anxious about this, call before the end of Friday so you don’t stress all weekend. I think they are used to this.
Ugh, it’s awful what we anxious folks go through during these kinds of situations. I never understood people who are able to compartmentalize this, and go on about their lives until the results are in. Perhaps they are alien beings?
Anyway, my best advice is to buy an audiobook penned by a great writing team , download an exciting story with lots of magic and/or swords and/or brooms, (you get the idea). Plug your headset into your phone and get distracted.
Works for me!
I used to have moments like that all the time about everything not just health. I felt like I lived anxiety. One time audible was giving Meditations by Marcus Aurelius for free and I tried it out. After I listened to it I felt like the stone I was carrying fell off. Ever since, when I’m anxiously awaiting news,I listen to him or any other Stoic philosopher and it helps a lot.
Absolutely understandable reaction. I’m sure you’ve gotten at least 50 “know exactly how you feel” posts.
Instead I’ll give you a possible explanation….lack of staff. My local hospital took almost a month to get my test results. Why? A couple of key people quit for new jobs and a few others took vacation/holiday. Bamm! Everything was left on a few shoulders instead of a team. There is a real lack of staff in some medical technician jobs in hospitals.
Everything you went through is the mark of a sensitive, human being, as you say scarred by the loss of people you love. Painful, and understandable. Sometimes the brakes fail. That’s why you have Gordon, and your children, and your colleagues that love you and hold you in their hearts when you need it.
(I won’t even mention the BDH).
I am now a 16 year survivor of breast cancer and have preventive imaging every 6 months, alternating 3D mammograms with either MRI’s or ultrasounds.
My niece carries the gene and had both breasts removed at the age of 30 in order to be a “pre-vivor.”
Stay vigilant. Be safe.
So glad to hear that your panic was all for naught!
I am – first – totally relieved that your news returned without any issues. The relief is beyond description. I’d also like to say that your post made me feel less of an oddity, because your reactions are exactly what I go through – each and every time I have to deal with doctors. I have never been able to patiently wait for answers, I seem to have the ability to imagine the worst and move from there. Thank you for sharing….beyond appreciative for your thoughts, as well as happy for your good news.
I’m 52, and my doc keeps telling me that since I’ve been clean up to now, the “new recommendations” for women my age are to only get a mammogram and pap smear once every five years.
My mother has had cancer FIVE times (she’s now 74). But I should only get scanned every five years?
Yeahhh…no.
Hugs. I stressed big time when they scheduled me for follow-up, additional imaging. Positive read out: those were just some calcifications they noticed.
Fast forward to this year when my General Practitioner documents a lump and refers me for diagnostic imaging. All credit to Baylor Scott and White for promising to find out the results before I left the building. It felt like they realized this would preoccupy my mind while I waited, and the report was positive.
So important to do the tests! Gold star and permission to treat yourself even more kindly than usual. It’s justified.
Medical results make us all crazy. I had a wound on the middle toe of my left foot. Even though I had to go to the hospital wound clinic for a month to clear it up, my doctor did not seem to be too worried.( Remember I am diabetic) Forward one month-wound has returned on my toe and looks MUCH WORSE! Called doctor but he did notseemed worried. Callen in heavy antibiotic by mouth and a salve to put on toe. Toe does not look better to my non medical self and my rather frantic call to my doctor FINALLY yielded an appointment. When he saw my carefully tended toe he almost STROKED OUT! Bottom line-infection in bone of toe. Now facing amputation of toe in two weeks! No apology from doctor. I am not doing well!! 🙁
I’m so sorry 😞 . Good luck!
Big hugs glad to hear all is ok
Hi. I had annual mammogram and they somehow missed cancer for an estimated 5-7 years because it grew in microscopic pathways instead of lumps. By the time it was discovered, I needed a mastectomy. The reconstruction- well, let me just say it was not a success. Yes, I could have subsequent surgeries to fix it cosmetically but it turns out I have problems with anesthesia so probably Better to just accept. But what I am writing to say is this: even if you get diagnosed with cancer, wait to despair. It is very treatable in this day and age and the treatments are not nearly so horrible as one envisions. I’m not saying that it is a walk in the park. I’m not saying there is no weeping. I’m not saying that you don’t lose comfort in your body. I’m just saying for most people, a diagnosis for breast cancer is likely not as terrible as I envisioned.
Oh, and don’t try to keep it secret from kids even if it is a few days before Christmas. I made that mistake. They knew something was wrong but not what. It would have been better to share.
Oh, and if there is a finding of dense breast tissue, you should probably get an ultrasound examination done periodically even if insurance won’t pay for it. If I had done that, they would have discovered the cancer more quickly. I believe most states enshrine a right to having an ultrasound done with dense tissue. Sadly they don’t mandate insurance must pay for it.
I found a mass in my breast. I called my gyno who worked me right in. Without waiting for the mammogram he scheduled me with a surgeon. I melted down, prayed, online searches, and rationalized it as a weight
oss bonus. The mammogram center took me and the women from the prison in leg shackles/orange jump suits early before their regular hours. A wonderful radiologist called me to the back a short time later. He discussed my mass with me. I no longer remember the hundreds or tens but do recall 7,000. That’s the number of women he personally had seen with similar numbers. All but 4 of them resolved on their own. The other 4 were caught early enough that subsequent surgery was succesful. All lived. Waiting or opting for surgery were up to me but he wanted me to have facts to go with my fear. I kept the appt with the surgeon. He wanted to cut out a third of my breast just to be sure. I had lost my ovaries one at a time to endometriosis. I just did not want to lose more. The surgeon had a yelling fit when I told him I chose to wait. He felt I should listen to him since I was making stupid choices. I don’t find belittling me makes me eager to agree with you. He called and wrot to my gyno and radiologist continuing his fit. When both my breast were there for the follow up and nothing was found!!! the radiologist still sat down with me. He was so glad.(and he showed me the nasty letter accusing him of malpractice. my other dr only quoted it). He let me know he would add me to his count to tell the next woman so she could make the choice right for her. You would not have been good waiting; I would not have been good loosing another piece of me. We both have a right to choose for ourselves the health care we need. I live in TX too and wish this state understood this issue. Glad your parts are good!
I’m so glad it came back ok. I had a delayed result once and it was viscerally alarming in a way that it seemed like no one around me could understand.
It’s the one nice thing about having had to have a biopsy before. Now my annual referral is mammogram, diagnostic ultrasound, and biopsy if necessary. Which means I get my results immediately. I don’t know though if it’s just that, it might be worth checking around to see if there’s anywhere that does give results at least verbally immediately.