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ILONA ANDREWS

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author

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Holiday Guests

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Hi guys, just putting in a small request for a snippet if possible, why you ask, well I’ve just lost my crochet bag which contained a hat I just finished today, 1 mitten and the rest of my large ball of Caron Cake yarn and hook. Everything is replaceable but you can imagine Ilona if you lost your current project. Plus it’s a Monday and cold.

Shahin

Oh no. That really sucks. Okay, well everything from Emerald Blaze is too spoilery. How about Dina and Sean instead?

I opened the parchment and read it.  This was shaping up to be a hell of a holiday. I passed the message to Sean.  He read it.

“A family dispute, party of sixty-one?”

“It looks like two sides of the same family have descended from two brothers.  One of them left and founded an influential philosophy school on a different planet, while the other remained and founded his own philosophical academy. Now they are feuding about which of the brothers can truly be considered the family’s founder: the one who left to colonize the new planet or the one who stayed on the original world. Whoever wins probably gets to declare that their philosophy academy is superior. They’d invited a wise elder to settle their dispute.”

“Sixty-one new guests.  Seems like it would be good for the inn, but you don’t look happy.”

“They are koo-ko.”

Sean looked at the ceiling. “Show me a koo-ko.”

A screen slid from the wall.  On it a being about thirty inches tall spread its plumage.  Soft cream feathers covered its face, brightening to shocking pink on the back of its head and back and turning vivid crimson on the wings and bushy tail. A second pair of appendages that resembled front limbs of a dinosaur or perhaps a monkey if the monkey somehow grew talons, thrust from underneath the wings.

The oversized tail marked the koo-ko as a male.  He wore an elaborate pleated harness that fit over his head and sat on his shoulder, then widened into a lavish utility belt stuffed with electronics, quills made from bright feathers, and rolls of something suspiciously resembling toilet paper on a wide bobbin.

The koo-ko looked at us with purple eyes, fluffed up his feathers, and strode back and forth, his plump body rocking with each step.

Pink baby chickens

Sean cracked a smile. “They are chickens.”

“Technically they’re not even avian.”

“Dina, we’re going to host sixty-one space chickens.”

I gave up.  “Yes.”

“And they’re going to argue philosophy.”

“Mhm. This means they will want a forum with a podium and a debate circle, and a coop to sleep in, and we have to buy a lot of grain…”

He laughed.

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Comments

  10. Thank you! Just what I needed on a cold rainy day when I have too many errands to run and only feel like taking a nap!

  11. Love it haha. “Space chickens”…I can only imagine Orra and Caldenia now, most likely talking the finer points of cuisine involving space chicken XD. Thank you for the snippet!

  16. Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face. Chickens from space- advanced, superior (?) and intellectual chickens ????. Love it

  20. What a joyous holiday! Thanks for the snippet! It’s so nice to see Dina and Sean!!!!
    Best wishes in locating the lost crochet bag!

  23. Dina is my favorite, favorite character in any/all IA books/worlds. I cannot *WAIT * learn what’s going on with her and the inn and her neighbors & guests. Space chickens now and forever! 😀

  24. SPACE CHICKENS! I feel like Orro is going to have a field day talking about delicious things he can make with them and Sean will do nothing but make punny chicken dad jokes. Thank you for the lovely Tuesday surprise!

  25. Haha! Love the visuals you just gave me. Can see them staring into the ballroom and thinking about it filled with ‘Angry Chickens’!

  26. If they truly disagree, will one side fly the coop? Will the debate be egg-citing?
    Wait, what kind of philosophy do space chickens debate? Is it who came first – the chicken or the egg? He who pecks the longest wins?

    (apologies, you caught me at a weak moment and I couldn’t resist! I could go on though…)

  27. Just imagine the noise, if they talk all at once.

    Or maybe they are “civilized”.

    ….. wait….. WE are considered “civilized”,
    and look at every country’s government as they debates. 😉

  31. As a chicken keeper of humor, I Need To Ask; the space chickens are roosting in/on the Coop or driving/resting in a 2 door vehicle? We had this same thing come up in one of the FB groups I belong to, and someone Shared a video of Silky chickens walking up a ramp into their Saucer UFO coop, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!!! Showed my hubby the video, same reaction! Love ya!

  32. I was just tearing up over a FB friend’s dog who crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I scrolled past that dismal news and immediately found this snippet- you quite literally made my day.
    Thank you ????

  33. Roflol, I can just imagine! I wonder what Olisard, the Ripper of Souls, will think about these new guests…

  35. OMG! Dina and Sean!!!

    This made me so happy. In fact, when I saw the sentence “How about Dina and Sean instead?” I had to switch to another open website for a moment before I was able to go back and read the actual snippet. I don’t even know why, I guess the excitement was too much to handle right away?

    I wonder whether the space chickens are there to redeem bird species after the Draziri debacle, especially since they look terribly cute, but something tells me they’re going to be trouble … and I can’t wait for it!

    Thank you SO much for the snippet! It made my day. 🙂

  36. Omg. That is excellent! Thank you. It made my lunch. You were asking about SotB and I was on my maternity leave when it came out. I found it really touching to read a young family story with your writing. I’m currently re-reading Kate’s series and I really like it, but right now I identify with maud. You did an excellent job of making her relatable in a weird world.

  40. Lol!!! Thank you!! Totally brightened up my very cold Tuesday when I’m still sick (5 weeks now, no fun).

  42. Space chickens! Can’t wait. When will tbe next installment start? Will Marland and helen get to visit?
    Happy thanksgiving To IA and the BDH too.

  43. As a chicken keeper of humor, I Need To Ask; the space chickens are roosting in/on the Coop or driving/resting in a 2 door vehicle? We had this same thing come up in one of the FB groups I belong to, and someone Shared a video of Silky chickens walking up a ramp into their Saucer UFO coop, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!!! Showed my hubby the video, same reaction! Love ya!

  45. Lol!!!
    Thank you for the space chickens. I just took my 81 year old Mama to the optometrist and desperately needed some stress relief.
    Did I mention that she had forgotten her hearing aids?…
    I was happy to go to work afterwards lol

  47. Wow – so sorry about losing (misplacing) your project. That’s not a good feeling. The snippet is fu hough! I can’t wait for more! I realize how much I’ve missed the inn and its “people” ????????????

  49. *chuckles* Thank you! That did help warm the soul against this frigid cold!

    And my deepest condolences to Shahin. That’s so harsh.

  50. So glad to see Sean isn’t taking his new job too seriously. Thanks for the snippet. It’s freezing cold here.

  51. Mmmm… Kentucky Fried Space Chicken, extra crispy! Think Orro can find a recipe? Why am I even asking – he’ll invent one, and it will be even tastier than the Colonel’s!

  52. Sounds like a good time to have 7 foot tall vampires visit ???? Thanks, I needed a giggle. Is this the reason for the Dina or Maud story questions? Sounds like you need to write some light distraction from the Emerald intensity and the koo ko should do that for you. Sudden thought, Orro gets to cook for them too! All kinds of room for highjinks!

  53. Oh gods I needed that laugh… It’s been one of those days (the entire thing can be summed up ‘in the 6 foot walk to the car this morning I got hit with 5 pine cones, the edge of my neighbour’s hose blast and got pooped on by a bird’).

    Thank you wonderful authors for the gift of laughter!

  54. OMG :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I’m dead :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) space chickens :)))))))))))))))))

  55. Yay! I’m really hoping this means there will be a holiday story. I LOVE holiday stories! ????????????????????

  60. So is this where the Koo-ko ka-chu from the Beatles song comes from? ????

    ???? I am the egg man
    They are the egg men
    I am the walrus
    koo-ko ka-chu ????

  62. Oh my God thank you so much!!!!!! This makes up for my crappy morning and now my day is looking up ????

  65. Love, love, love Dina, Sean and Gertrude Hunt. Can’t wait to read more of their adventures. ♥️

  66. Thank you for the snippet. I love Dina and Sean. I also love Maude and her life. I have read all the books four times. Maude’s book I have read six times. Thanks again for introducing me to this eries.

  71. This was wonderful. Balm for the mind, thank you guys. I hope the person needing this found their bag and enjoyed this as a bonus.

  73. On a grim, wet, November Tuesday – Ilona Andrews you bring sunshine into my life. What joy to come!

  74. Thank you! Philosophical Hatfield-McCoy chickens. snicker. Wonder if the ‘fowl’ personalities tend more to chicken, guinea hen, goose, swan, peacock, etc. (makes me think of the link IA shared about the Zoo keeper and bird revolt)? Is space chicken philosophy more Buddhist or Art of War? If along Art of War lines, could see some interesting conflicts or adversaries showing up uninvited to the conference.

  77. Oh yeah! Forgot how much I missed these two! Want to almost change my vote! Can Helen PLEASE come visit to help keep the peace?

  79. I can only imagine the neighbors if they have some sort of dawn crowing ritual!! It will be worth every penny of gas savings for the sheriff to cover that one up. Snicker Snicker.

  81. What a nice way to get a good laugh while at work. Philosophical space chickens, uh. The first thought that jumped into my head after reading the snippet was “I’m cuckoo for the koo-ko!” (If you are too young to get this, this was from a commercial for Coca Puffs; as in “I’m cuckoo for Coca Puffs!”)
    All that’s needed is for something to happen…like Draziri cometh again (remember the murderous poultry) or the Horde needing help, or Arland and Maud drop by to invite everyone to the wedding, or, or, or……..? 🙂

  83. Who would have thought when I woke up today that I would read the words “space chicken” and think to myself, “I wish I could draw because the world really needs to see space chickens.”

  84. Many thanks, not the tragedy of losing your latest project, but there was 6 inches of snow, and no propane this morning.
    Propane came after lunch, but space chickens were a needed smile.

    • Hmm…I wonder if Beast would hide from them if they started to talk. Could think they’re a nice snack if Orro doesn’t think it first. 😉

  88. Space chickens. Love the description. I.too, need a laugh. It is 37, dropping down to 24 ,maybe with wind chill of BRRRR. Was working at home, then remembered my monthly meeting in the library. Dress up in layers , get there and waa told OOPs meeting moved till the 19th. We e-mailed you today. Guess who hasn’t looked at her email.
    Hope you find your crocheting. Just found book , I lost 2 weeks ago. somehow it got mixed up with my regular books. Yea.
    I will take Sean and Dina any day,love the interplay between them.
    Please, holiday story , with food, fights and maybe an alien Holiday singalong?

  89. Can anyone else see the non-avian space chickens running into Sean and freezing in terror or getting ruffled feathers?
    LOL
    The possibilities for fun scenes abound….

    Thank you!

    Shahin, I hope your project finds it’s way back to you.

  90. When you are trying hard not to laugh, and then you read this:

    “Dina, we’re going to host sixty-one space chickens.”

    Suffice it to say the laughter suppressing battle was completely and absolutely lost.

  91. Awwwwe, look how well Sean has adapted to being an Innkeeper! Super sweet that they can now do it as a couple. Space chicken is very cute, I want to read about their superior philosophy, too,

  92. It is snowing. It is cold. I’m bundled up in my fluffy robe, sitting at my computer, and reading koo-ko and space chickens and giggling madly. Hooray for snippets. I do LOVE Dina and Sean and the Inn, even if I did say Klaus and Maud first. After the wedding, back to the parent search, please. And for relaxation, there could always be a short story for the holidays, perhaps? To be added into the ebook of the next full length novel?

  94. Do you remember Gonzo from the Muppet Show? He had a flock of devoted chickens (was his favorite named Camilla?)
    He would be great as the Wise Koo Ko.
    Boy, autocorrect is not friendly with Loo Lo Korean Kipping Koo Ko.

    • The muppet show also had the segment of “Pigs in Space”

      Loved the muppet show, was fun to watch with the kids

  98. I am on the 3nd of 7 afghans I need to get finished before Christmas. It is 2/3 finished. I would have a breakdown if I lost the current projects bag – it has the yarn for the WIP and the next one.

    I love the description of the koo-kos. And Sean’s response made me snort cola out my nose (which I didn’t love). LOL.

  100. OMG. Hilarious! Can’t wait. Wanting it NOW!
    So this is next (or soon?) in the Innkeeper series?
    Damn, this will be a funny (and good) one!

  103. I read this snip-it out loud to my eldest daughter. She grabs my phone and googled Chocobo. She shows me and says it would have been cool is the space chicken looked like this… I already laughed out loud after reading, then seeing this large yellow bird thing from Final Fantasy, I lost it completely. We are both eager to see more Dina and Sean!

    • In Final Fantasy XI and Final Fantasy XIV, you can breed different colored chocobos, so you can actually have a red riding chicken.

  105. I love Sean. Even though he’s traveled the galaxy (a bit) he still boils everything down like the homegrown wolf he is.

  107. Philosophy debating space chickens! *Cackles* I love it!
    My theater teacher has a background in philosophy , which isn’t that odd until you factor in the ex-navy, east Texas raised, redneck hunter aspect of him as well. He’s fun, but a little odd in a bright pink, philosophy loving, space chicken kind of way.

  110. Thanks for the snippet.! Love the idea of space chickens.

    I hope the missing crochet project shows up

  111. A step up from ‘being besieged by murderous poultry.’ One of my favorite lines ever, thank you Ilona Andrews team!

  112. *SIGH* such a lovely treat on a rainy afternoon… thank you! I love Sean and Dina. I love everybody at the Inn. By the way, I want to thank you for recommending Jesseie Mahalik. Her writing is so much fun!

  113. Oh ho! There is already one in the pipeline! Excellent! I must admit, I said either for the Innkeeper series, because the sisters are both great. I will devour them however they come. Thank you for the snippet!

  115. Woke up feeling super cranky today (one of those days where you just wish you could hit “reset”) and this gave me a much needed chuckle. Thanks for the snippet!

  116. 61 philosophical space chickens. And the blog comments!!! ????????????????
    Shahin – Hope you’ve found your crochet bag!

  118. Thanks for snippet, crochet hasn’t been found. But can only be philosophical about these things and order more wool????

  120. Oooooh! If this takes place during the holidays, does that mean that we’re skipping a year ahead to next Christmas? Since ONE FELL SWEEP took place in December? Or maybe this is another holiday and I’m overthinking? 🙂

  123. Oh my goodness- I just remembered that Dina has a cat; the ripper of souls… Dina & Gertrude Hunt are going to have to be on high alert or there will be chicken shrapnel on the front lawn.

  126. I am all in on SPACE CHICKENS.

    I wonder if your editor ever knew that one day she’d be editing something about space chickens. ????

    As always, put it up for pre order & I’ll buy it. ????‍♀️

  127. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! ????????????
    I love this series, I love Maud too, but Dina sold it for me, and Im so excited to read more of her and Sean. So happy the Inn has become a specialists with hard to handle and feuding guests! Dina has found her niche! Thanks again!

  130. I loved this little snippet, Space Chickens you haven’t hooked!! This just proves you can’t write anything “bad” !! I can’t wait to read the rest!! Thank you you guys are AWESOME!!

  132. Yay!!! Thank you thank you. I voted for Sean and Dina,I love the two of them together!! I mean I also love Maud and Arland, but the inn is so cool as a character in its own right!

  137. Mmm, space chicken. May have to keep a close eye on Caldenia. Then again, it depends on their philosophies. They could leave a bad taste in your mouth.

  138. I can’t stop the tears. ROTFL!! What are their thoughts on the Chick-fil-a v. Popeye’s chicken sandwich debate?

  140. Ha! Love the snippet!

    Also, I hope the requester’s project has been found (glancing at the afghan I’m currently working on).

  142. Cue Sean sparking up a major philosophical debate between the two sides by posing the question “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

  144. And this is a perfect example of why we love your work. Whether we laugh, cry, or imagine really hard we are wringing a certain character’s neck, you, House Andrew’s, give this to us. Thank you both so much for your hard work, and please, please bring on the murderous poultry!

  148. Thank you. That’s a great snippet to keep me going to get through the work week!
    Dear Shahin- i hope you find your project- i hate losing things.

  151. This is fabulous. It’s 1am and I’m trying not to laugh and wake the hubby and baby. Thank you. I can’t wait.

  152. How can you not know how great your writing is when with just a few words I want to live in your story.

  154. Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed that delightful snippet this evening. Ahhh… there is magic in the world.

    • +1 × 1000

      Nicely put, Eileen! I really needed this as well, and it lifted my spirits immensely!! Magic indeed!!????

  156. I cannot tell you how much I needed the smile.???? Thanks for the storytelling. You brighten what have been heavy days. Bless you! And Happy Holidays…

  157. There is magic in this world and the highest quality flows from your talent, out to the atmosphere and into our lives. Thank you for the beauty and joy you both share, we will be enjoying your works forever.

  158. I hope Shahin has found her crochet bag. And thank you so much for this lovely start to a cold morning. And now I’m considering early birds and worms. And as a finale, the back of my head has started twisting The Steve Miller Band’s “The Joker” into
    Some people call me the Space Chicken
    Yeah
    Some call me …

  159. Rodrigues solitaire or Dodos better fit the size description of the Space Non-Avian creatures, after pondering for a bit. : )

  161. Oh yes, that would make a brilliant short story. Given the fact that all of the Andrews fans would read anything you ever wrote, and there seems to be a concensus that we want both Maud and Arland and there have also been lots of requests for specific scenes, why not a collection of linked short stories, with a plot arc that brings you out a little further along the main story arc. It looks as though you thought that the hunt for Dina’s parents and their Inn would be the overarching plot line when you started out. Then along came Maud and hijacked the story just a bit, so a series of short stories that pick up both Maud and Dina, give us a bit of Klaus and some spicing of Helen, Orro and the rest of the dramatis personae, would be a great way forward.

    • Hilarious! You two brighten my day. You should be mandatory reading – would change all the negative vibes on Earth.

  164. How funny and wonderful. I hope you start another Innkeeper soon. Really can’t wait. It’s early in California and I started my day out with a smile.

  166. Thank you for the laughter! I scared my cat who had been happily dozing on my lap when i started the snippit!

  169. “They are Koo-Ko” I’m dying! I will not be able to read it without giggling every time I see that name.

  173. Lololo! Caldenia ka ret Magren will be constantly hungry!!!! Bwaahaahaa!
    Thank You For Sharing Your Genius With Us!

    • Don’t forget the [were]wolf among the space chickens! I want a video of their reaction to Sean having to change in front of them…

  175. Dina and Sean will have a crazy time with 61 Koo-kos. Can’t wait to see how the Inn and her regulars play host!

  176. No matter what kind of day I am having, just reading a snippet of any of your work brings a smile to my face. Thank you, truely!

  178. Yes! Yes! Yes! Please hurry this one up! — sigh…I realize the reason I want both Maud and Dina stories is …. They are both awesome and ADDICTIVE! The action in SOTB (being swallowed by a dinosaur? rip-er-cushions – Maud’s incredible gifts of innkeeper knowledge that helped her straighten out the House mistakes – Arland – KLAUS showing up –
    But – OH the cliffhanger with Dina/Sean – the appearance before the assembly? Sebastian North? The wonders of innkeeping!
    I just enjoy the worlds and people you create so much!

  179. +1 × 1000

    Nicely put, Eileen! I really needed this as well, and it lifted my spirits immensely!! Magic indeed!!????

  180. Oh man I’m sorry to OP. I don’t crochet, but I can’t imagine losing something you worked so hard on. ????, but your loss is our gain so THANK YOU!!

    Pink space chicken ???????????? how do you guys come up with this shit?? Love your brains!

  181. That made me smile – a wonderful way to start the day. Thank you for being kind to Shahin and the rest of us benefit as well! Have a lovely day.

  183. Never mind my previous post – I’ve inhaled too many fumes from cleaning products today. Yes, chickens and snippet first, obnoxious post second.

  184. Sixty-One PINK Space Chickens ….. Wait, HOW big? Hmm … Maybe they should be Space Turkeys.
    Sixty-One PINK Space Turkeys.
    My mind is officially BOGGLED.

  186. I have chickens. At one time I had 60 chickens. (Which is too many if you’re wondering) They have personalities, and attitudes, they can be sweet or jerks. The roosters especially have attitudes and agendas! I can picture my 60 chickens squabbling, with two roosters fighting over who is the boss. Oh the chaos, the noise…now make them sentient but keep all the chicken habits, movements, attitude, and Oh my, what a fun gathering at the Inn!

  188. Pink philosophizing chickens! This is why you are my favorite author. Also, I missed the poll but I prefer Dina books.

  191. ROFTLMAO!

    (I too hope Shahin finds her crochet bag, but her hopefully temporary loss was our gain!)

    Thank you to House Andrews, and I hope this makes it into either a short story anthology or the next Dina/Sean book 😀

  192. Well that made me smile!

    Ok you win. Back on the survey I’ll vote for Shawn and Dina. I enjoy your writing regardless, but the world needs more humor and I think S&D and the Inn of course have greater potential.

  194. Oh my gosh I love this series! Delightful to seeSean so at home with the inn – can’t wait for the rest of it!!! Thanks for the snippet

  197. Thanks. I am having one of the worst work-weeks I’ve ever had (and I’ve been working for over 40 years) and I enjoyed the laugh.

  198. Love the descriptions of your aliens, they sound so beautiful and funky.
    Is it weird that my husband and I started drawing up plans for our chicken coop the same day this was posted?
    Btw I would love any inside information. We’ve done a lot of research, but neither of us have actually raised chickens. I’d be happy for advice from someone with experience.
    (They will be for eggs/pets.)

    • Go to your local farmers market/ co_op and county extension agents for local advice. Alot of urban areas banned backyard chickens due to avian flu concerns.

      Good luck. I am on my multiple free range Flock due to many predators…. roaming dogs, coyotes, foxes, the bobcat, weasels… and uneducated city people moving to rural area thru the last decade. There has been one ER visit after rogue rooster spurred me in back of calf .

      But I love eating freshly laid eggs. Taste more flavorful compared to store bought eggs. And chickens are fun to watch. It will be interesting to see this snippet in the future.

  200. Thank you Ilona Andrews. I ROFLOL.

    Sorry Shahnin lost her yarn bag. Probably went to the same place in universe where missing socks and specially knitted to fit the pup dog clothes go. You know same place where teaspoon s go that left kitchen drawer to stir honey in hot tea. Grin

  204. ????????????????????
    God bless your imagination and your pen!
    Sorry for your loss Shahin but very glad that it resulted in this delicious chickeny delight:????

  207. Ha! Space chickens arguing philosophy. I love it, but I keep flashing to a scene from the Muppet Movie and I can’t stop laughing.

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