The plan was to work today, but I don’t think I’m going to. I woke up at a little after 4:00 am shaking and terrified out of my mind. I must’ve had a nightmare or some weird anxiety attack, so I just lay there staring at the dark ceiling and shaking for a bit.
Normally, I remember my dreams. I remember nothing this time. Clearly whatever I dreamed up was pretty horrible. The best cure for times like this is distraction, so I opened my Kindle and read the first sample I had downloaded. It was something about an assassin trying to kill some drug lord. I got as far as the guy’s head exploding into bloody mist and then I fell asleep.
I must find murder for hire soothing. 🙂
A few years ago I went through some rough time related to writing. I had trouble managing publisher expectations, reader expectations, and my own. I decided to try therapy. I walked into the office, sat down, described my problems, and the therapist nodded and asked, “What do you do for fun?” to which I answered, “I work.”
I was in therapy for over a year. Relearning how to have fun.
One of the fun things I learned was to never ignore the warning signs of overwork. For me most of them come when I am relaxing. As long as I am actively focusing on something, I have zero problems. It’s when I’m in a movie theater, or reading a book on the couch, or sleeping that my subconscious freaks out.
Yesterday was a fun day. I finally finished playing Subnautica, the computer game into I had sunk an ungodly amount of hours, and then Gordon and I went on a date. I wore a dress and put on make up. He wore clothes that were not shorts or sweatpants. It was awesome.
Clearly, I am in need of even more relaxing, because my brain’s reaction to the nice fun day was to dump all of the stress it’s been storing into my dreams. So no work today. I’m going to putter around, knit, drink tea, and in general do zip. Maybe read a bit more of that assassin book.
If I’m being objective, I can see why I’m stressed. We’ve ran into an issue with passports and we are expected in Paris at RARE in April. And we’ve been pushing pretty hard on Sapphire Flames. It’s 80% or more done. I should have the cover for you in the near future. Spoiler: the guy is not naked this time. It’s so easy to just sink into work and forget to recharge.
So this is your reminder: don’t forget to take a mental health day for yourself.
Hope your day was relaxing. I also have to remind myself to relax. If I don’t, I get insomnia, and my mind spins like it’s on a hamster wheel. Over time, I learned what will trigger the spin, and stop it before it gets too bad.
I enjoyed my day with getting up a little later, cleaned, cooked, and watched TV. 🙂
Thank you for sharing…it happens to me all the time it’s good to know that I’m not alone
Dear Ilona and Gordon
Nice to hear you are having some fun. Plan for more and look after yourselves!
Good luck with the passport situation.
Sharon ?
Or it could be the Muse is so highly trained that it unloads best in a book. I’ve found the same thing, if I go for a day without writing then I don’t sleep well, but the writing only needs to be ten minuets of fresh words or revision. Not an all day thing which is good when the all-day Kindergartener misses mommy.
Look after yourselves and a big thank you for introducing me to a new author Jessie Mihalik
Days off are wonderful and therapy can be very helpful. I went to a therapist when my husband left me for another woman. This happened years ago and it really helped me deal with the shock and emotional trauma. Nowadays I feel very secure and good about myself and I know those therapy sessions are a part of what made that happen. He, on the other hand, is in the process of divorcing wife #4. I seriously believe HE could use some therapy.
Anyway….
May I ask what RARE is? Sorry if I’m being dense. I know it’s most likely something authorly, but if it’s something personal please ignore the question. It’s just that I tried looking it up and got various answers such as Reptile Adoption, Rehabilitation and Education. For some reason, lol, I can’t picture you going to Paris for that.
Romance Author & Reader Event. April 6th, Paris. Meet your favourite authors, aka Authorlords. Some tickets still available. ?
I don’t know – French snakes would be quite chic with their mustaches, Breton shirts, and berets . . .
Gardening is my thing. In the winter when the garden is dormant. I pour over gardening magazines seeing whats new looking for inspiration. Grab a pencil and notebook and design new beds or redesign existing beds. Other times I’m curled up in my reading nook with a good book and some tunes playing. My back yard became a wildlife nursery this year. Bobcat and her kits put on a show for several weeks.
Same thing happens here. I am somewhat of a work-aholuc and I love my job (teaching kindergarten) and I volunteer a lot. As long as I’m moving I’m fine. We’ve had MULTIPLE snow and cold days in the last three weeks and I could feel myself slipping into depressive state. No joy, crazy dreams, no energy, midnight panic attacks. It’s like my body can’t process down time anymore. So I relax with comedy on Pandora and CSI marathons.
There has got to be some weird brain trip going on in there. At least you aren’t alone.
Fun… Fun?
In truth, I’m going to a science fiction convention next weekend. I’m going to hang out with people I like and who like me, I’m going to have intelligent conversation. I’m going to eat interesting food and I’m going to not deal with the kids or health issues or any other issue which is causing stress. For 4 days.
Hope your day went well. A day off is always nice. I hate when I don’t sleep well. Good Luck with the passports.
Hm. Mackerel tabby. Looks exactly like mine.
Well, my day was going fine until you said “the guy is not naked this time.” That was a real spoiler. sigh….
LOL!! Ok, I agree
Have a happy day off work
Late night panic attacks could be low blood sugar. You need a day off every week to be productive. Look after yourselves. We love you
Don’t know much about panic attacks, but I totally agree that you both need time off weekly. Burn out occurs for everyone who doesn’t have time for fun built into their schedules. And the BDH would have panic attacks world wide if you guys burn out!! Just sayin’
“Night Terrors” don’t involve dreams. They are just terror attacks while sleeping. Not nightmares. You probably got them from stress overload – like you thought.
O my goodness, they showed the fifty shades of maple Glen on the local news here in STL last night. With very clear shots of the basement room. Thank goodness it was the eleven pm news.
I’m very good at distracting myself during the day, but like you my anxiety will peak during the night, right in the middle of a deep sleep and then “WHAM!”. Add hot flashes to that and for a while I dreaded going to bed. Work life balance, good nutrition and exercise are key, but a personal fan, and a good book by the bed to distract the mind are also essential. It does get better, but unfortunately menopause and anxiety seem to walk hand in hand (something my mother never told me)
Listening to your body and practicing self-care is important. Hope you had a relaxing day!
I’m so happy you took time to relax. I can see how you would need to learn to do that. You work all the time. Being self-employed can exacerbate a work schedule because you have no filter. You unintentionally hold a stick over yourself. The date sounds like it was successful. Good. Please keep all these newly learned lessons close. You will need them.
Hugs.
You come to Europe! Is there any possibility that you travel to Spain?
F
Ilona, YOU and your writing are part of my mental health process! Not to put too much stress on you…as there are several authors that I enjoy reading and escaping with.
Yaaaaay I love that you recognize overwork and are smart enough to relax and look after you. As big a fan of your work that I am I would rather wait months longer than have your guys health or family suffer. Your an inspiration ! 🙂
As always thank you work everything
Yep. Smart to use therapy. When my husband died suddenly I was a mess. Did grief counseling and did every “dumb thing becuz wanted to avoid taking 1 million different prescriptions. I did coloring books vision boards miles of journals essential, oils blahblahblah. And. It all worked. Slightly less hysterical. Take care. Peeps with high powered brains and souls need extra recovery time.
Sending positive vibes your way ~~~
Take care
It is all a mater of the realizism or fantasy o& the Head explosion…
I use the first Innkeeper books to fall asleep…I work my way through one two,three, then start over,it my favorite way to turn off my brain if stressed …
Sometimes I don’t get much further than…(Brutus was Dead) other times I get as far as (Give Me the Vampire Meat)
Sweet dreams
Lops
I think your hair looks great!
So weird! I had a bad dream the same night. I hope your day was relaxing and restorative! IMO, Sundays should always be “bumdays”
-so I told my son (17) about your night and he said I needed to ask you if you “Have found the blue tablets yet?”
A blue tablet. There is only one. You have to make the second one.
I’ve been joyously retired for almost 3 years from high stress jobs. I was a 911 dispatcher for many years, then when my local dispatch center closed instead of transferring to the large regional center 90 minutes away I became an evidence technician (which is also highly stressful. TV shows don’t indicate how gross crime scenes are and how stinky they can be). I still occasionally suffer from stress dreams so I get it. To anyone on the list who is a dispatcher or has friends who are, I honor you. The job has become increasingly difficult with the elimination of local dispatch centers and the plethora of cell phone callers who don’t know their location, I don’t know how I did the job and certainly couldn’t do it today. I now love to knit, listen to opera and play with my poodles. Bad dreams can be soothed by wine and ice cream.
I too have this happen at times and spent 30 years in a high stress job as a clinical therapist. LOL. I found journaling (during the day) and coloring mandalas (right before sleep) work really well on letting my subconscious know it doesn’t have to solve all my issues at night. I’m so glad you are learning to let yourself relax it is an art form.