Every day Gordon and I have dinner at around 3 or 4 pm and watch true crime shows on the couch. Sometimes we also nap. But we usually stay awake for at least one episode.
What it’s like to watch true crime shows with Gordon.
5 minutes into the show
Narrator: …a mystery that shocked this small town…
Gordon: She’s having an affair with the pastor, and she and her brother killed her ex-husband.
Me: Maybe it wasn’t her brother.
Gordon: It’s her brother.
35 minutes later.
Brother: She drove the truck and I shot him.
Gordon: That’s a .38 shell casing he’s holding. The uncle killed him.
Me: Why?
Gordon: The uncle seems like the kind of a guy who would carry a .38.
30 minutes later
Narrator: The uncle was arrested and charged with first degree murder…
Gordon: They should check the shoulder for bruises. If he fired a shotgun five times in a row, there would be a bruise.
Me: ….
Detective: So I asked him to take his shirt off, and there was a bruise on his right shoulder, and he said he walked into a door and he always shoots left-handed…
Gordon: Mhm. Yeah, he does. ::chuckle::
Gordon: She’s having an affair with her husband’s nephew.
Me, half-asleep: You don’t know that.
Gordon: Her husband in in mid-sixties, she is 51, and the nephew is 47, lives on his own, and is financially secure. Why else would he be helping them with the bakery?
30 minutes later.
Detective: So she instigated her daughter’s boyfriend to kill the ex-husband and buried his body in the woods, and then they killed the current husband, her ex-husband’s nephew, and buried his corpse on the ex-husband’s property, so when he is found, they could blame the ex-husband for his nephew’s murder…
Me: O_O
Gordon, yawning: What did I miss?
Me: Umm… they killed the ex-husband.
Gordon: Did the daughter’s boyfriend do it?
WOW????????
And I am the first one
He’s good.
Maybe he cheats and looks them all up before you watch them so he can impress you with his deductive reasoning! ????????
Or it’s a re-run and he’s seen it.
Hehehe, the BDH sure loves Gordon and his spoilery ways too ????.
Is he the foreshadowing driving force?
It’s true. It’s nice to be able to count on Gordon for information we’re not supposed to have 😉
My husband does the same thing. It’s a game to him.
I’m guilty of doing that too, it’s fun! It annoys my husband to no end. We’ve had to drop a lot of shows midway because knowing the end frustrates him. I blame my childhood obsession with Agatha Christie and her expositions on human behavior.
Miss Marple rules!
Exactly!!
The spoiler is strong in this one.
And we know that ????
John drives me nuts doing this. He’ll walk thru a room, stall for 5 minutes and announce who did it. Too often he’s right.
Love it!
That is something I can totally see Derek doing to Julie after they’re married, just to get under her skin.
Boy you can’t get nothing past him….
Question for Gordon as a guy who shoots guns for fun. Why would there be a bruise after shooting a shotgun 5 times? I’ve shot a 20gauge around 8times in under an hour. I’ve also a 12 gauge 3 times in rapped succession without any bruises. I’m genuinely curious is it just me having an a typical experience or something?
I want to see a picture of a guy he thinks would have a .38.
https://www.google.com/search?q=shotgun+shoulder+bruise&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS853US854&sxsrf=ALeKk03sN_QEfB5SOFBrnJsIDbR0LZ632w:1606320666737&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=UBrjEhn8liU90M%252CEFAYtB-9vgioUM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kRS-gHSfp4Zx9j5F09nRS3S11Ua3Q&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjVx_Hlip7tAhXM1FkKHQKsA6YQ9QF6BAgDEDU#imgrc=5LkeOptjbXcNlM
Gordon is out but I can answer that. You are probably not getting a bruise because you are mounting your shotgun properly into your shoulder and you are leaning into the shot to absorb the recoil with your mass. That ensures that the gun doesn’t slam but kind of pushes into you instead.
A lot of people forget about this when they are hunting a moving target because they get excited. For a bird hunter, for example, front hand trails the bird, back hand brings the gun up toward the face and seats it in the shoulder. If you don’t follow this technique, the gun will kick into the shoulder, but it’s not a natural way to shoot. You have to practice it.
This dude ran through the house killing both of his parents. He was extremely agitated. The adrenaline was high, brains and blood splattered everywhere, and he was under pressure to finish the job quick and escape. It’s a safe bet he didn’t take the time to mount the gun properly. He just fired as fast as he could.
That said, some people will bruise firing a shotgun no matter what they do. I bruise when the wind blows the wrong way.
thanks for clearing that up for me.
It is that kind of insight into human nature that makes such wonderful books… But it is a little disturbing to me, that Gordon’s spoilery ways seem like a combination of math problem statement and Clue game summary… “The daughter’s boyfriend, in the woods, with a shovel…” Anyway, he must give great advice with that kind of insight!
I call bullshit! Gordon is cheating! Reading the episodes on line!
This is me, I do it. My daughter will turn off her episodes if I walk into the room. Sometimes I try to be quiet but I cant help it.
It makes watching true crime movies hard for us because I get bored and they try to watch me for my reactions.
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Remember the old Perry Mason shows. You could always tell who did it in first five minutes of the show. Tell Gordon if your good your good. He is amazing.
That’s awesome! I’d watch the shows with Gordon 🙂
Hahahah! That sounds like fun.
Dinner at 3-4 pm I think is the biggest shocker to me from this post as that would be very early for our family for dinner.
Right?! That’s totally what I took away from this post too ????
We usually have a shake in the morning, eat a big meal around 3-4 and then have a snack around 6.
Ah, so more like UK dinner, which is actually lunch, as opposed to tea, which is dinner, unless it’s supper ???????? whatever you call it, as long as it’s tasty, it’s all good ????
For me lunch is the mid-day meal & supper is the evening meal. Dinner is the big event/family-gathering meal that replaces one or the other of those depending on when it’s held. 🙂
I grew up in the Caribbean who followed British patterns. Big meal at lunch. Tea around 5ish, with toast or biscuits (think crakers not American soft dough) and supper a little later around 7pm, which was a light meal. And guys my mom made us have hot tea, at 5pm in the Caribbean heat…
I still hate tea to this day ????
Ah! Thought it was possibly a Texas thing at first to have last meal early and maybe have drinks and cigars as last meal. Your meal routine sounds healthy and a much better idea than our family. We tend to follow Hobbit mealtime here since we have two little ones with never ending meals!
Ha! Ha!
I’ve never thought of it that way, but we have that too! It’s very common for my son to have 2nd breakfast and 2nd dinner, plus all of the snacks in-between. They asked at his last doctor appointment how many meals and snacks he eats per day, I answered “All of them”. (Apparently, that’s not an acceptable answer though.) I keep blaming a growth spurt, but at this point, I don’t think it’s going to end until he’s 50 or so. Then he’ll just be growing out. ????
My mother used to do this with soap operas on the rare occasions she was home from work and would watch with me. Some tropes are eternal, I guess.
Deductive reasoning! He sees the little stuff and extrapolates from that or you married Sherlock Holmes. No wonder your books track so well!
Does he constantly assess when driving to avoid “situations and stuff”?
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! That is so me with medical shows!!
I am watching “Call the Midwife” with my 15 year old daughter and I call out the diagnosis about 15 minutes before the show does:) I also yell at the TV when they get procedures or pronunciation wrong:) Drives her crazy!!
This is also me with medical shows. Back in the early days of “House” i could sometimes guess the mystery illness for the next episode from the coming attraction.
And this is why Kate and the Baylors is such a good investigator. O_O
O_O Lol
Impressive. I wonder, is that sort of thing innate or could it be learned, because I aspire!
Maybe Gordon needs to join the police force. He has a super power.
He actually almost joined the CID, Army Criminal Investigation Command. They really liked him and put in all of the paperwork, but he ended up getting out instead. It was time.
And BDH collectively sighs with relief!
I have been reading mysteries for over 40 years. It’s hard for me to finish a new one because I have worked out the plot within 20-30 pages.
But I never get all your twists and turns.
Who would think of ferret heist!!!
And my mom always talked about getting a kick back and bruise from shooting rifles.
She didn’t do it often, but when she did she was very accurate.
Love Gordon picking up on small cues and working out the plot.
I can see where you get some of the story lines for Hidden Legacy.
My friend Ileana and her Dutch husband ate their main meal around 2 pm . Then they would have small meal cheese, fruit and crackers at 6.
+1.
I was a junior in college when a detective befriended me. He loved sci fi and I loved forensics, so we had fun. When I said I was thinking of quitting college to join the police–to become a detective like him? He talked me out of it.
Hindsight being what it is, I’m glad he did. It would have crushed my heart.
Gordon could have written those episodes. ????
Lol you guys are great.
Oops. OK, now I have a little sympathy for my husband. Maybe Gordon’s my brother from another mother.
LOL… seems like he’s missed his calling!
I usually go with “This character has way too many lines and no real purpose….Killer!” My wife has gotten used to it at this point.
And Gordon’s not a hotshot detective why?!
Oooo I see a modern-day true crime series in your future. Give John Grisham a run for his money.
I cheat and get Hubs a cocktail. Slows him down just enough????????
At least he has some solid reasoning behind his predictions. I start shouting the second two people look at each other for long than 2 seconds!
Oh my gosh, Gordon is a murder savant!
That’s the perfect time of the day to watch crime shows. I do that and usually fall asleep. I should try it at night.
Well, you both know the idiocies people are capable of – maybe he just catches on to specifics faster than you do. Or, on occasion, he saw the news at the time and details pop into his head when the show is running. Could be either, or not.
One of the reasons people think I’m weird is that while I understand that people often dislike spoilers, I’ve never been able to understand what they spoil.
You do have my sympathy for what little it is worth.
That was awesome! 😀
Wow !! O_O That’s some skills !! Great powers of observation ! Does he relax sometimes ? Sounds super focused for an evening on the sofa !! I’m like a gigantic pile of jelly on mine, no brain, no muscular tonus…
Wow! Lots of grist for the ol’ story mill.
I’m right there with him. Some things about human behavior are predictable. We watch true crime at work during lunch. It’s hard to fool a bunch of pediatric nurses. We throw out different theories and know what the test results will be every time.
I can’t watch police procedural TV shows because I figure it out 15 minutes into the episode. It’s intellectually boring. I do get fascinated by shows and movies like Broadchurch, Big Little Lies, Killing Eve, and right now, The Undoing. Broadchurch I never figured out and sat on my couch in a state of shock, clutching my pillow during the last episode. Big Little Lies was non linear so I knew from the beginning who but not how, why, or by whom. I think I might know what happened on The Undoing but I’m not confident in my theory. When the writers are good it makes such a difference.
Now I get it. Because Gordon is that good unraveling „normal“ plots, your own plots are completely impossible to anticipate for mere mortals. 😉
Erm. That’s me. My ex-husband stopped watching police procedurals and true crime with me for that reason. It’s why I’m such an incredible fan of any show/movie/author who can keep me guessing and surprise me. Kelly Armstrong managed a couple of times with Cainsville and so I recommend that to ANYONE (I also adore good horror — which I define as creeping me out vs. violence/brutality porn — and Cainsville managed to creep me out more than once).
Oh I loved the Cainsville series !! Gabriel is such a wonderful character !!
All of them were! I choose to firmly believe that Ricky finds another love in this lifetime.
Although if you read her Nadia Stanford books, it’s pretty obvious that she was rehearsing the love triangle.
Damned autocorrect. Nadia STAFFORD.
Loved the Nadia Stafford’s series !! I hope she’ll keep writing novellas in this world !!
I have to say that I didn’t like Quinn very much (or I loved Jack too much maybe…)
But I second you on Ricky, he is an awesome character, as are Olivia, Patrick and the others. Kelley Armstrong has created a very addictive and interesting universe with her Cainsville’series. Now I’m waiting the next Rockton book !!
Siobhan, I totally agree with you . Love Kelley Armstrong , great characters and plots.
Also like Louise Penny.
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Gordon is definitely the go-to guy if you start writing police procedurals.
Behold the oracle!
Oh, lord. I do that all the time, too. It got so bad at one point my Hubby said, “Honey, if you figure it out ahead of me? Just go do something else. I want to watch the show, okay?”
My record for leaving was five minutes. We had been watching the Inspector Morse series, and I’d gotten so accustomed to the writers of that show, that I could tell what would happen in the story by the title and the opening setting scene.
We were at a friends house watching it when, after the opening scene and title, I got up and went to the dining room to read a book. Hubby nailed the back of my head with a throw pillow, and I had to explain why I left after they watched the show.
That was almost twelve years ago. Now Hubby is almost as bad as I am. We both are on the look out for stories and stuff we can’t figure out too fast.
True crime isn’t a challenge for me, either. I guess that’s why I love sci-fi-fantasy so much.
So have you guys ever done one of those Mystery Dinner events or train rides or whatever? How does Gordon do at those?
Hilarious. Possibly annoying. But I am vastly entertained!
Erm, maybe this is a US thing, but dinner at 3-4 PM? Don’t y’all get hungry by like 7? This is so confusing to me!
Wow. That is so cool. Thanks for sharing Gordon’s impressive skill. I tend to do something similar and luckily, my husband doesn’t complain too often. 😉 Although, I’m not as good as Gordon though. He is in a class of his own. 🙂
He should be a detective. I’ve gotten pretty good at guessing the murderer but not for those reasons. “The uncle seems like the kind of a guy who would carry a .38.” Who knows those things?!
Hope this post & your comments mean your hands are starting to recovering from the editing you had to complete so quickly. My husband had to let a shot today. (Shoulder, couldn’t lift his one arm beyond shoulder height. Lots of pain when he tried.) As he says “Getting older is a pain but it beats the alternative, I think”.
Ohhhh, so now I understand why the plots in your stories are so extraordinary and so riveting. We can’t guess the outcome and that must be thanks to Gordon’s hand in it.
Wow, Gordon, just wow!
You’re both so great.
Thanks for everything you do for your readers.
I love this so much ????
Aw crap! Ilona, you and Gordon have also managed to pull off a twist or two on me (see: end of White Hot). I didn’t mean to leave you out. The fact that you’ve managed that is part of why I’m even commenting here!
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I eat supper around 3:30 or 4 pm since I go to work about 5:15 am.
My mom used to do the same thing Gordon does. I remember looking at her and asking “how do you know?” Her answer was “I read alot”. ????
I don’t even want to think if my brother, who is a doctor, does this when he’s home. ????♀️
???? I wish my husband would know all of life’s answers like that
Love this. My kids hate watching crime shows with me as well. I usually know who did it and their motivations as well.
I am so with you on the I just want something festive in my life. My husband actually agreed to let me put up our Christmas tree on Friday! Usually we wait til December 1st and then it goes down just after the new year. I have a feeling it will be around a bit longer this year.
Gordon should write for Crime shows.
Also, does that happen also with movies? I tend to see the plots ahead of time when watching movies and it makes my sister mad
My husband does that all time ???? I sometimes wonder how he does it
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All these accurate predictions must be from a man who is peaceful, not harmless! ????
This is kind of the reason I don’t play Scrabble with my husband
Husband: There!
Me Qi isn’t a word
Him: It is Chi spelled correctly.
Me: Oh for gods sake.
Him: And that’s 487 points for me and 50 for you.
Thank god for the invention of online scrabble. Now he has someone to play with that is as good as he is. (The kids started refusing to play with him in 3rd grade)
Is Gordon planning on becoming a PI like the Baylors from HL? He would be great at it!
My dad and I used to watch medical detective and mystery disease shows. He loved trying to figure it out first.
I just finished watching I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, the HBO documentary about the Golden State Killer and Michelle McNamara’s dogged search to write a book about the guy and to pin him down. (Very touching and fascinating watch by the way, I heartily recommend it to Murderinos). GSK was arrested a few months after her book was posthumously released as she suddenly died while in the middle of her research/writing. While Michelle never had the guy who was arrested as a suspect in her notes, a lot of her theories about his background and the kind of person he was turned out to be dead on with the amount of research she put in. I’d be curious to see if Gordon came up with the same theories about him!
I’m the Gordon in our house. Husband won’t watch these shows with mt because of it. ????
Everyone jokes about me chopping peoples heads off because in movies I’m always saying they should do that just in case. I mean, if you’ve ever seen any thriller/horror/twist film then why wouldn’t you want to be definite the body is as dead as can be?
Also not sure what it says about me but my thoughts when seeing Gordon’s skills are that if you ever plan mariticide you’ll need to be really sneaky and careful. Uhmmm. But don’t. But if you did. . . I recommend decapitation as an additional measure.
Just in case – I’m joking.
He is batman. Not accepting any other theory.
I’ve been following you for 13 years. I love these stories. But now that I have children, I think my favorite is the one about the kids leaving the hotel room at Disney.
Thank you for the joy you both bring to all of us for your writing. You are amazing.
Rofl! Go Gordon!
No wonder you guys write believable characters.
Sherlock Holmes is real and exists nowadays!!
Does Gordon have a twin brother? Single?
Thank you, Ilona Andrews for the post. Kudos to Gordon. It’s a smart person who knows when to move on with life and when it’s time to do so and does so.
I was guilty of doing same thing Gordon does during college movie night so I was banned from movie night by my college friends.
In my case it has to do with being very detail oriented and situational awareness…. I enjoy figuring out your tales so keep writing.
That’s pretty good. I’m glad his not a profiler for real. Keep up the spoiler routine!!!
LOL!
+1 my fiancé does the same thing! Except it’s murder mystery movies with him. Spoilers ahoy! O.o
Snicker, that’s me to my husband.
Gordon could have a career as a detective. I was watching true crime regularly for a while and they produce similar shows – affairs are a big motive. My husband jokes that I know too many ways to murder someone now ????
Hubby, on the other hand, is always pointing out procedural errors in courtroom dramas. They couldn’t say / do that … I usually remind him it’s make believe and they have to move the plot along. Only 44 min in an hour show.
TRUE crime? that’s impressive. I can always tell whodunit on FICTIONAL crime shows by the casting. If they hired Dame Helen Mirren, she dunnit.
My deductive reasoning is usually “he looks shifty” or “I don’t like her face” or “anyone who dresses like that has to be a killer”.
I’m usually still right though!
Haha I get it I can see ahead in books and movies. But not in real life I miss so much that’s in my face.
Thanks for your blog. The little snippets of life and it’s various frustrations or funnies are a nice bright spot.
Too funny.
Has Gordon ever wondered if this is why the wife has the husband killed by the uncle’s nephew?
O_O indeed!
That’s so cool! No wonder your mysteries are so delightful and also have those lovely small but significant details sprinkled throughout. The best! You two write very satisfying mysteries :).
I try to just make faces instead of blurting out the end of a movie or book early on, but I think it must be still distracting enough that my husband usually asks after a minute or so. It’s a good thing I don’t play poker because I have no poker face.
I enjoy the early clues, but what’s the most fun is when you realize a little later on that you were wrong or there’s more to it and you get to keep solving the mystery. Then at the end you go “oooh, that’s why the burnt popcorn… I get it now:D!”
That’s awesome
Bahahahaha!!! He’s spot on!! You guys have a beautiful Thanksgiving! Cheryl
Can never have too much of Gordon‘s commentary!
I don’t like the true crime shows like that. But my grown Kid #1 who shares a house with me does. One of our dogs actually loves them and will watch fairly calmly when she won’t anything else.
I swear she growls or grumbles at the guilty person at least half the time.
I do that to my husband. Or did. I am not allowed to make predictions anymore. At least not out loud. However, I do sometimes jot them down in a notebook. I was about 80% right for all my Warrior Nun predictions. (yay me!).
Warrior Nun was so darn addicting to watch.
I declared to the empty of all but me living room…I said that one… that’s the evil one. Watch out ladies you are fixing to be set up.
Then I finish with Ha… I was right.
I entertain myself and then proceed to proclaim to my roomie that he has to watch this show now. Nope…. he is on a History Channel sabbatical and no other shows will do.
My condolences to Gordon.
Knowing what happens takes all “fun” out of it
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Love you guys, take care ????
Gordon has near total recall. He reads the news and follows the story through the media.
I feel like this blog post is calling me out…. Still funny though!
Just love crime shows.
Well, I may not have the skills to know about the bruised shoulder, but I’d enjoy watching with Gordon. My husband finds me a bit annoying when I tell him who the victim will be and who did it in a show or movie, sometimes based on the opening credits. “Well, he’s going to die.” “Why do you say that?” “He’s a B-list actor. It’s like the Red Shirts in Star Trek. They always die first.”
Better, “What’s so funny?” “I’m reading Ilona Andrews…I can’t talk now.”
Lol ????
Gordon, what are the numbers for this Saturday’s Powerball?
Thanks
hahahahahahahaha! that is so great!
Gordon should be a detective!
My success rate is about 50-50. I don’t understand peoples motives so much but I do get plot strategy so it comes down to is the murder based on personality or logic. I have been reading a lot more murder mysteries series since covid started. I read based on how much I enjoy the characters. If I like them, then I read the series even if I know who done it. If I can’t connect to them, I don’t. So it comes down to the writing. With IA, I frequently have no clue and I love the characters, so I get the best of both. Turkey day, we ate at 2 and snacked our way through a game of dominoes and frequently bad puns told by all. It was great.
My husband’s a retired cop, so I feel your pain.
I don’t normally watch TV, but I do occasionally watch movies with my daughters. At one point some years ago I said, “She had liposuction.” And lo, it turned out she did. My daughter was totally shocked that I knew that, but it seemed pretty obvious to me.
I love crime shows. the vast information that i know about how to kill poison and get caught is pretty much useless unless im going to write a murder book. But ive also learned that people are really stupid, greedy and got what they deserved .Boggles the mind sometimes.
Ilona, so is Gordon’s first name really Mycroft? 🙂
Gordon is scary sometimes.
Yeah, but can he see around corners and predict the future?
Our husbands must have come from the same mold, My husband is a criminal defense lawyer and watching any kind of show with him can be annoying. He also becomes exasperated with movies and shows because he can guess the entire plot in the first five minutes. I remember in Woody Allen’s Matchpoint, when Scarlet Johansson was murdered, he said, “They’re going to pin it on a random black guy.” That being said, he was on several episodes of Snapped as an expert, and a female friend is on every episode too.