Last night a woman was kidnapped by the parking garage where Kid 1 parks.
Austin police received around 7:46 p.m. a report saying a man wearing a red hoodie and driving a black sedan kidnapped a woman at gunpoint near the intersection of 24th and San Antonio streets, University of Texas police officials said Wednesday. The vehicle was last seen traveling east toward Guadalupe Street.
Statesman.com
Begin panic. Kid 1 has an evening class. She frequently walks all the way through campus to the parking garage. She didn’t go yesterday and did remote attendance because she had ” a bad feeling.”
Me: You are not parking there.
Kid 1: Mom, do you want me to Uber to campus? Do you know how expensive that would be?
Gordon: Are there are alternatives to park closer?
Kid 1: Oh, my friends park right by the building where the class is.
Gordon and me: Why don’t you park by that building?
Kid 1: Because you have to pay like $600 for that permit and I was trying to save you money…
::facepalm, facepalm, facepalm::
The permit has been purchased. The woman was found safe. The news offered no details.
This comes on the heels of a shooting about ten minutes from us, in the Square, a small area of downtown where there are bars catering mostly to college students. Someone shot up one of the bars.
::rocking back and worth::
I am not designed for this level of freak out. I really am not. I wish I could wrap everyone up and move them to a safe place, except I don’t know where the hell that safe place is.
Um, that’s terrifying. I used to work at that intersection and park in the parking garage right there. Glad everyone is okay and the woman was found. Bless kid 1 for trying to save you money, but better safe than sorry, huh?
I lived is South Africa till I decided I was ready to be a mom. My husband told me it’s not safe. I said I love it in SA, its beautiful. He said you haven’t been outside in ten years after being held by gun point, broken bottle on the train, being in the house while it was being broken in, my car run off the road to high jack etc.. I didn’t realise how bad it was, I was a prisoner in my home. I now live in the UK with my 2 beautiful boots. We frequently forget to lock the house (or leave the keys in it), leave the front window open for the cat and leave the car running in front of the house to warm it up and clear the windscreen. My brother live in NZ and my sister in Japan.
I do still miss the food and weather though.
Eh. Boys not boots. But those too.
Oh yikes! Glad Kid is safe and glad she can park closer now. I have no good words for the suckiness of the safety in the area, except you’re right. Where *is* safe anymore? 🙁
Right there with you on that. It’s terrifying.
That’s terrifying. I’m glad Kid1 listened to her inner voice saying to remote in. Also yay for learning about the parking pass. I do the same for my college age boys. The world is in a strange place right now. Hang in there.
I’m glad everyone is safe, and all the hugs. And while I appreciate fiscal responsibility in my child, I agree, ::facepalm::. But a smiling facepalm. 🙂
I wish I could say that I know where a safe place is. My daughter is 16. I work 3rd shift. Pepper spray in hand for walks to car. For both of us. Glad everyone is okay, physically. *hugs to House Andrews*
OMG HUG HUG HUG
I’d be totally freaking out too!
Niece is in college in San Marcos and of course loves Austin. I feel you on this one.
I’m so sorry!! The anxiety can be back breaking 🙁 I hope everyone stays safe! We moved to Canada a few months ago because we were due to have a baby and we really needed to be in a place that felt safe to bring up a liberal brown family!
Love and huggs. Stay safe. Enroll yourselves in self defense classes. Give yourselves a fighting chance. Xx
I recommend a game of probabilities and statistics: how freaked out are you, on a scale from 1-10? What is a logical, rational assumption that something will happen? Eg. “I’m 8/10 freaked out, almost, but not quite hyperventelating”. And “The likelyhood of this happening to me and mine are about 1/100 if I’m being very pessimistic”. Do the two match? I find it helps with my perspective. However, feelings are often irrational, so you will freak TFO, but somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know you are probably okay. I’ll still knock on wood for you though. Can’t hurt.
I’m glad everyone is ok! Have you ever heard of damsel in defense? I was introduced to it this spring. It’s like Pampers chef but with self defense products. They have a pepper spray that if you use it and file a police report they will give you a free refill. I also think they have a pepper spray that will send the location of where you used it last but I can’t remember for sure. They also have a bullet proof backpack incert and stun guns. Their stun guns and pepper spray have some awesome features you would have to ask a consultant about . They have some really awesome products! That was one of the few parties I actually appreciated being invited to because I have a lot of friends who sell purses, oils, pampered chef ect I think the damsel in defense is the .most useful.
It used to be the small towns because everyone knew everyone else and kept track. Now, people have learned to hide. So, now we try to be good people and help each other as we can. Thinking of you all and hoping you stay safe.
My small town used to be safe (mentally) until some jerk shot up our food festival. The local shrine is on the walking trail, so I get reminded every day that safety is an illusion.
I have a 26 yr old she is one of those people that always thinks the best of everyone, I’m the opposite I feel like sometimes I’m
Debbie downer telling her bad things could happen as she walks to her car when she works night shift at our local Walmart. I feel your pain.
Pretty sure it is in an alternate universe where we practice better everything. We had a shooting in a small town 15 minutes from where I work a few weeks ago and it is terrifying.
I’m so desperately sorry. I wish I could make it better.
I am so glad that Kid 1 is okay and that the other woman has been found. I hope the adrenaline wears off soon, and you are able to move to a calmer state of mind. I understand where Kid 1 was coming from regarding the cost of closer parking, but I hope she understands now that her safety is your priority. Virtual hugs sent your direction.
Unfortunately I think the only safe place would be Antarctica.
When I was a postdoc at U of chicago, someone tried to pull one of the grad students into a car. All the advice is to fight. Even with the new parking pass, please tell your daughter to not text, to always be aware of her surroundings as she walks to her car. Maybe pepper spray for Christmas?
I am so sorry. I worry about my sons in high school every day. Life is risky and random stuff happens and it’s too much to handle sometimes. I wish we all had that safe world. Best to you all for the holidays!
Look at it this way – even Kate Daniels and Maud have a hard time finding a safe place for their kids. I totally get it, though. I wish I could keep my babies in bubble wrap, and they’re both around 30 years old ! Deep breath, mama, the girls are ok, it’s the holidays, and Gordon is with you. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.
I have a friend that works for a. government agency that coordinates agencies dealing with drugs and all of the resulting assets, money and crime. During a discussion about human trafficking she was telling us that after a few months working there, she’s discovered that there is no perfect, safe neighborhood. 🙁
I’m so sorry. How terribly frightening. Glad your Kid is safe.
When you find that safe place, please let me know. I’ve found that having a good imagination is not conducive to good mental health for a parent. Just keep repeating to yourself…. “She’s ok”
Both of my kids moved an hour away from us. Yeah, I know, it is only an hour. But it is terrifying every time I hear of someone missing or killed where they live. They both live in different cities. Even though they grow up and move out, you still worry constantly. Being a parent is hard. Getting some grand-babies might make it easier.☺️
**HUGS** I’m glad that your daughter and the woman are safe.
Unfortunately there is no “safe place.” I teach in a public school (high school), 2 yrs ago we had to complete a training on what do if there was a shooter in the building. Talk about frightening, but I understand that they are trying to help us be aware of what we can do in that kind of emergency.
Every month we have “lockdown” drills where our students learn to hide in silence. Next month (glitches allowing) my entire district will have an alert system so that any teacher/coach/administrator can send the school into lockdown with a personal device or from computer. (To avoid the time delay in notifying an administrator, then waiting for lockdown.)
There is no safe place. There never was, truthfully. Something can happen anywhere you go. I’ve raised two adults, and I might have fooled myself about that before Sandy Hook, but it’s no longer possible. I heard what I’m pretty sure was gunfire while walking my dog the other night – never heard backfires in a group of three and then another of at least five, all in rapid succession – and because it was a block away and from a car moving away from us, we just continued our walk. And we went back the next day.
That thing you wrote about Kate visualizing Julie’s death and living through it – that was real. I thought so when I first read it, because I’ve done the same thing with my own kids and other loved ones. There is only so much we can control, which is why the Serenity Prayer is not just for addicts and people who believe in God. This is a tough time of year to face it and you are depleted from work stress, so it’s hitting you harder. Time to do whatever centers you.
For those who find yarn a safe place: The most beautiful ones I have seen are from the acrylic Unforgettable collection from RedHeart. Here is a review (not mine; I’m more of a natural fiber type, and not a fiber artist myself, but this stuff calls to me every time I’m in the craft store):
★★★★★ 5 out of 5 stars. A YEAR AGO
Be gentle!!
I have read so many negative reviews of this yarn and I am flabbergasted.
1. This is a roving yarn. The package says it’s a 4. BUT. It will got from threadlike to thick. Its the nature of the yarn. 2. Its very fuzzy yarn. The yarn will trust on itself when stitching and if you have to frog, it will be a pain. 3. TO FROG: Simply guide the yarn close to your work while pulling gently. If it does get tangled, you can use a safety pin to pick it apart.
Trust me. You don’t want to waste this yarn just from impatience. You took the time to learn your craft and this yarn is simply gorgeous.
I know exactly how you feel. Have a daughter who lives alone 1200 miles away and works late. I’m always worried.
When my boys were in high school, we had several instances when we were notified of “threats to the school” and it stressed me out every time the kids talked about active shooter drills. Just last month my middle schooler was telling me about how they recently changed their “hold in place” policy to “run, hide, fight” for active shooter drills. I grew up in a dangerous neighborhood and we had metal detectors and backpack checks when I was in high school, but that was to keep gangbangers from bringing weapons in to go at each other and the idea that someone would suddenly start shooting students going about their day would never have occurred to any of us. Sometimes I wish I had an underground bunker to keep my loved ones in.
I hate all the shootings and other crime these days. Wonder of this has always happened and we just didn’t know. No solutions here, just prayers.
I completely understand your freak out. Prayers going up for you and your family. Also, I am praying for the lives of those who had this happen to them. Everyone who was affected. It is also scary to watch someone being taken and not being able to do anything about it. I was 9 when I watched my step brother taken off the school grounds from inside the main entrance by his biological mother. I was screaming for help and no one came to our aid. That wouldn’t happen now. That was in 1978 or so.
In high school, a few doors down from us, a neighbor’s son was brutally murdered. I went to school with him, I waited at the same but stop as him. He was a little older and our circle of friends didn’t cross, but we would overhear each others jokes while waiting for the bus and laugh. He was beaten to death, then cut up in pieces, burned and then left in garbage bags. His murderer fled to to another country, was eligible for citizenship and that country’s law at the time prohibited extradition of their citizens. The murderer was eventually convicted. But I still remember the initial feeling of utter un-safeness and how even the law at the time was helpless. And it scares me silly now that I have my own child
I hear you, in a world where we hear about events like this it is hard not to worry. It is especially bad when it seems to be random (though w abduction,often the perp is someone known to the victim). I know that kind of worry, my son goes to school in Houston,and while the area the school and his apartment are in is pretty safe, he still is often walking to/from school late at night, carrying a very expensive instrument,same was true undergrad in Boston.While men are less likely to be a target w muggers and such, that doesn’t make it easier and no one is totally safe.
I agree with others,I would look into self defense classes for your kids,especially if they are going to be living in a city area and grew up in relatively safe places. Those classes teach something as valuable or more than self defense moves,they teach situational awareness, how to sense when things are dicey and how to avoid trouble.
Back in the late 1980s I worked nights in downtown Manhattan and lived in the NE Bronx, and was riding the subway home at 2am through the South Bronx when NYC had 2200 murders a yr during the crack epidemic,then had a long walk from the subway,and having street skills and knowing how to be aware, how to present myself, likely helped me to stay safe those 2 yrs I was doing that. (It helped that I was young, I am not small, was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, likely looked half crazy and didn’t look like I had much,which I didn’t,and a guy).
In any event knowledge is power,plus it also prevents gray hairs on the part of parental units,too (my wife claims every gray hair she has is memories of that time…). I can’t recommend it enough for your kids,to get training and learn the tricks.
Glad to hear the woman was found and is okay. While there is no safe space there are safer spaces.
There are often robberies around universities as they know all the young people have nice cell phones, may be carrying laptops etc. Don’t be paranoid but don’t be stupid is my personal rule. So getting Kid 1 that parking permit was a great thing.
NYC has been getting worse the past 3 to 4 years. It is why we are moving out of the city in 2020. Lots of random violence, even in my neighborhood midtown west, near Times Square. Just the other day an obviously drugged up woman in her 20s ran up out of nowhere and pushed a person walking in front of me so hard they almost face planted and then started screaming at them. For no reason.
People are often too trusting and spend too much time on their phones or have headphones on and are not aware of their surroundings. I see it all the time in NYC. I have stopped people from walking into traffic because they are too busy texting to look up.
I’m glad Kid 1 is safe. When I went to St. Louis University I could park in a parking garage right across the street from the library. I felt sorry for the incoming freshmen who had to park literally a mile away in a brand new parking garage. The school had shuttles for students since if they drove to campus, and had to go to the opposite end for class, they would be late if they had to walk. SLU is considered in downtown St. Louis where a lot of stuff happened while I was there (prostitution, drug deals, shootings, etc.)
The trick is to keep aware of your surroundings. Don’t talk on the phone (unless it’s a dire emergency), don’t text, don’t get distracted. Get your keys out before you leave the classroom and keep them in your hand while walking to the garage and car. If you have a key chain with a large circle to hold the keys, have a finger through the circle. That way no one can steal your keys from you. Also, look behind and to both sides of you. If necessary talk to yourself out loud. People may think you’re talking to someone on the phone using wireless ear pods. I did that the entire time I was in school. It kept me from a lot of sticky situations.
As to safe areas: cotton wool anyone? Unfortunately no where is safe.
Glad everyone is safe. Always listen to your gut.
Always stay aware of your surroundings.
And try to have a plan in your head if something goes wrong. Also have a plan B.
I live in NYC and will be walking home from a party. So, I plan, what is safest route home. Even in my quiet neighborhood .
Unfortunately, this is the world we live in.
And I understand Kid1 trying to save money, but safety comes first.She is more important than $600.
I don’t have children, but I have friends who are young and I warn them about going out late, or traveling in a new area. Then I hug them. And worry.
I feel for you. Having kids is scary as hell. I too would much appreciate the bubble wrap approach; my partner offers some much needed balance. Hang in there!
I grew up in the city (not the suburbs!) of Chicago a loooong time ago (1960s). In 1st and 2nd grade, Officer Friendly came to warn us about Mr. Stanger Danger and to never get in the car of someone we didn’t know. Only once did I ask a stranger for directions on the L train (I was 12). Unfortunately, he took that as an invitation to do something, not sure what, but I out ran him.
So, I learned to always be aware and alert of my surroundings. It doesn’t prevent everything of course, but it does help. I also try to be alert for others and warn them / walk with them/ pause to make sure they get to where they are going. I know you all know this already, I’m just preaching to the choir.
I wish I could strike down evil for you all, I do. Ninja grandmother! But I can’t and so I say thank you, thank you, thank you to all you Officer Friendlies!
Rural Canada.
Thank goodness she was safe.
I’m so glad she’s safe! And that the other woman is also safe!
My husband once spent a few horrible hours thinking our daughter had been at the site of a mass shooting. He didn’t want to wake me up and tell me, and couldn’t get hold of her. Turned out that she and her friends had changed their plans at the last minute, didn’t go to the movie, and that she’d left me — but not him — a message that they were all safe. Since I almost always wake up first, she thought that would be the surest option to reassure us. Now she knows to leave messages at every single number on earth should a similar situation ever happen again. We live in terrifying times.
I remember stories like that from when I was in college 8 years ago at U of Hawaii. I also remember the freshmen boys on the basketball team i tutored often somehow having to walk in the same direction as me when I had to walk home late at night.
Still very grateful to them ????
Speaking as a young woman who works a solo closing shift at my job and then has to walk a ways to my vehicle, bright portable flashlight (I have a whistle flashlight), a keychain pepper spray, and a stun gun are all wonderful safety features.
Have you ever read a book called the Gift of Fear? Basically, it’s all about listening to your first gut instinct about a person or situation, not being “nice” when you are uncomfortable, and maintaining awareness of your surroundings (no earphones while walking or jogging).
I second everything here. We live in impoverished poorly educated essentially frontier town in Central Cali. Name the crime we got it. The temptation to protect our children is deep but as they become independent so must we. Teach. SURVIVAL. Teach. SKILLS. Teach. The. Nature. OF physically strong desperate men. Most of all spread your situational awareness and mercy around. Look up. Look out for other distracted women. Yesterday a 5ft 1 under 25 running alone in a skin suit with two headphones. I noticed her. So did the 3 guys behind her. I took everyones picture. Started following the men following her. Smiling at them the entire time. They peeled off at my attention. She ran on clueless.
The Gift of Fear also makes the point that if we are worried about something, it hasn’t happened yet, and therefore we have the chance to take steps that may prevent it. Furthermore that what we truly worry about is the worst thing at the end of a long string of steps that have to occur first, any one of which is an opportunity to avoid the worst happening. It’s a very, very useful book, and my kids have thanked me for making them read it, and they have made their friends read it. How often does that happen? It’s by Gavin de Becker.
$600 well spent! Believe me when I say I understand. It was so much easier when they were three and I could wrap my arms around them and rock them to safety and comfort. At this moment I a 19 year old nephew in the Marines and have twin 18 1/2 nephews in my livingroom. I would give anything to keep them safe.
Is it any wonder my favourite HL talent is the Aegis?
I hope everything de-escalates during the holidays and we welcome a better, safer decade in a few days.
Sorry, but you can only do the best you can. There are no safe places and the belief that a place is safe is practically a guarantee of making it unsafe.Every so often the lemmings go off the cliff and every so often the human race goes off the rails. The 14th century was definitely one of those and I rather think the current time is also. Eat dessert first, and do the best you can to make your space the best it can be. We can hope that rational behavior is catching.
My sister tells her children to make good choices. She also tells me each child is her heart walking around the outside world.
That is awful and terrifying to hear. You shouldn’t have to deal with that, no one should have to.
Nothing bad happened but don’t read the following if you’re too stressed out:
My college age daughter spent the last semester calling campus police on and dealing with a jerk who stalked her friend and disrupted club activities where my daughter was an officer—and on the last day of the semester this week the college FINALLY expelled him. Couldn’t get her home fast enough from school to suit me.
Gracie Ji Jitzu offers a killer woman self defense class. You can take at local dojo depending if you have one or learn via their CD version for $149. I was taking this until my sensei was too hurt to continue teaching, but for kid 1 might be something she could learn to help make you feel better. I took my 13 yr cousin with me to help her learn ways to escape capture etc because you can never be too safe.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁
Chronic illness taught me that control – and therefore safety – is an illusion. You can do everything right and still suffer, or do everything wrong and come up roses, so I do my best with whatever I’ve got and try not to worry about the things I can’t prepare for…
This probably isn’t comforting for other people, but sometimes looking at the probabilities helps me let go. Other times, it comes down to holding one of my rock collection and finding peace in the knowledge that on a geological timeframe, none of this is the end of the world.
Is she old enough to apply for a concealed carry permit? If so, maybe its time to do so.
I really wouldn’t recommend taking Ubers either, they just released a report disclosing the 3,000 sexual assaults they had last year https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2019/12/05/uber-disclosed-sexual-assaults-us-rides-last-year-its-long-awaited-safety-report/?arc404=true#click=https://t.co/ax1efeyHqI. As a 22 year old girl it really shook me, and now I really don’t feel comfortable taking Ubers by myself, especially at night. I don’t mean to be a debbie downer but I really feel it’s information everyone should know.
You should also look up how many rides they served in the US in those years to get a more detailed picture and how many assaults were driver vs passenger (they don’t break it down but drivers also get assaulted)
https://www.npr.org/2019/12/05/785037245/uber-received-nearly-6-000-u-s-sexual-assault-claims-in-past-2-years
https://medium.com/@jeffkirk/the-truth-about-sexual-misconduct-among-uber-lyft-drivers-988fb95bc604
I wouldn’t call myself a ride sharing evangelist or pro-Uber. I do think it is good to do a bit of framing and research when presented with a news article that worries me.
———————–
My university had a program where volunteers would escort callers home. It could be for DD or simply feeling unsafe. Kid 1 might want to look into that and keep the number on her phone if it is an option.
I don’t work in a super high profile company or security related industry but there’s been a few bomb threats. Work also put up a very large and sturdy fence around the offices because of the attacks using vehicles around the world. It’s also not a good idea to walk about distracted as we have a lot of quiet electric cars and people might get hit accidentally (drivers accidentally hit other parked cars all the time. Is a distracted driver and walker much safer?)
Before February I would have said come to New Zealand we are a safe place (especially by comparison). Now it doesn’t always feel that way. Guessing still safer but we’ve lost our innocence i guess.
Hugs all you can really do is ensure you and yours have an awareness of what is happening around them and the knowledge on how to act if required. Hugs
Just remember that statistically we are living in the safest time in history. The difference between now and then is technology telling us every bad thing the instant it happens and that there is a much larger population for the violent to prey upon. Sometimes knowing the facts can offset some of the feelings of panic. But no matter what, it’s a scary world out there and common sense helps a lot. I am glad she will be moving her car closer and maybe one of those loud alarms and some pepper spray may help all of you feel much better.
I am glad Kid1 is safe. We experienced something similar here in Portland – four people knifed by a 20 year old, one killed at the Wells Fargo my mom was at the day before. My sister had to go to the same shopping center a few hours after the event for a dentist appointment (police were still there).
Im with everyone hugs im glad everyone is safe.
This story reminds me of why my family stopped trying to tell me I should move my family to my hometown from Los Angeles. They were telling me I would get us killed if we stayed and then a girl the same age as my firstborn was murdered by a boy two years older who lived down the street from my sister. The crazies may be in higher numbers in cities, but the proportion is the same all over.
Aaaaaaaaaaarggghhh!!!!
My son goes to UT but thankfully is back home in CA for Christmas.
I was just telling him last week, as he walked to Wendy’s at 11pm, that it can’t be safe.
I got back a breezy – there’s tons of people around.
????????♀️
I totally understand.My daughter is a college freshman and I’m constantly texting her with links to reported crimes in her area with the caption BE CAREFUL AND VIGILANTE. Moms never stop being moms.
I mean vigilant????
Vigilantes need to be careful, too.
You poor thing. Do not understand why this behaviour is so prevalent. Seems to be no control and so many believe they can do whatever and have whatever they want. So scary. Not sure what can be done Something needs to happen to bring back respect and simple caring for others. All we can do is hug our family and try to stay safe
Having felt the horror of your experience and there are no words to convey what your distress must have been, I am, again sickened by the unmitigated greed we constantly
see in our colleges. That anyone should have to pay for a parking permit after paying the
astounding fees for classes is simply unconscionable.
When I attended Drexel University in Philadelphia, Pa. in the 60s, we were taken from our tiny campus to dorm by bus in the evenings, and were never permitted to walk alone. I don’t understand why when campus safety was paramount over 50 years ago,
it is almost unheard of now. Maybe students can get together and ferry each other from car to car so that no one is left to walk alone at night.
My advice may or may not be legal (I’m not sure about Texas laws, but I’d guess it might be ok ????♀️). When my little sister went to college, I got her a stun tactical flashlight. It was a super bright flashlight by itself (which can be a good deterent anyway), had a pulse flashlight button, was a contact stun gun, and the tactical part could crack skulls (according to the manufacturer). It could charge in the car or at home, so she didn’t have to replace batteries. You could go with a taser, but it can be a 1 shot and done, so I felt a contact stun gun was the better choice in our situation. It made me hope that she was at least a bit safer (I gave her pepper spray at 14, yes, we had a safety talk and I felt she was responsible enough).
While it may be illegal (depends on the state/county), I told her you’ll only get in trouble if you get caught and you’ll probably only get caught if you use it. If it has to be used, I don’t care how much trouble it causes, it’s worth it if it keeps you safe. I’ll post bail.
I definitely second (or 52nd or whatever) the stay aware and take self defense classes too.
After I was robbed, I got a stun gun. It has a wrist strap that pulls free and is a dead man’s switch, so that if I have the loop around my wrist and it’s pulled from me, it’s useless. Nice feature!
Kid 1 and Kid 2 have great parents. Here’s hoping for stress relief for you!
I’m glad everyone is ok! Have you ever heard of damsel in defense? I was introduced to it this spring. It’s like Pampers chef but with self defense products. They have a pepper spray that if you use it and file a police report they will give you a free refill. I also think they have a pepper spray that will send the location of where you used it last but I can’t remember for sure. They also have a bullet proof backpack incert and stun guns. Their stun guns and pepper spray have some awesome features you would have to ask a consultant about . They have some really awesome products! That was one of the few parties I actually appreciated being invited to because I have a lot of friends who sell purses, oils, pampered chef ect I think the damsel in defense is the .most useful.
I’m sorry you were robbed. I haven’t heard about a dead man’s switch on a stun gun. That’s a really good idea!
I have pepper spray but it comes in gel form now; less chance of back spray and it clings
Yeah, that’s good stuff. I like to make sure it has the UV dye in it too so even if it gets washed off, they can still find traces, if they need to. Not sure how long it stays on though.
There are no words that someone hasn’t already said better. Feeling for you. Hugs to you and yours.
I second everything here. We live in impoverished poorly educated essentially frontier town in Central Cali. Name the crime we got it. The temptation to protect our children is deep but as they become independent so must we. Teach. SURVIVAL. Teach. SKILLS. Teach. The. Nature. OF physically strong desperate men. Most of all spread your situational awareness and mercy around. Look up. Look out for other distracted women. Yesterday a 5ft 1 under 25 running alone in a skin suit with two headphones. I noticed her. So did the 3 guys behind her. I took everyones picture. Started following the men following her. Smiling at them the entire time. They peeled off at my attention. She ran on clueless.
+1 As someone who has traveled the world alone – YES! Thank you!
Wow! That’s really scary.
I am forever telling my kids to take out their earbuds when they are walking alone regardless of what time it is.
I’m a Grammy, and two of three grands are in elementary school. They have practice lockdowns for shooters all the time. Five and six year olds. You are correct, where the hell would a safe place be??! So happy the kidnapped lady is safe, and that your daughter got a parking permit. Our oldest rides the light rail, and every week the paper has an attack incident. Life is definitely scary. She keeps telling us she is street savvy. Means nothing to someone with a gun with intent to harm. Prayers your way and for all of us. Gotta keep living or the bad guys win.
Blessings to you all! I’m so glad kid1 listened to her gut and stayed away.
Places in UK are unsafe for women to walk, but laws prevent women from carrying anything for self-defense. I have to hope for the best for daughter1. Daughter2 lives in a big city and uses earbudes. She stays aware of her surroundings. Sigh.
I stay away from the dramatic tv news.
Thank you for sharing your life and your stories with us. You are a bright light for me.
Best wishes to everyone!
As a fellow Brit I’m just glad we don’t have to worry about guns. Yes knife crime is getting worse but it is mostly confined to specific areas. However when walking home alone I do still always hold my keys in the ‘key-claw’ grip!
Prepare her as much as you can for as many scenarios as possible, self-defense, stun guns, a Glock, whatever it takes. Then, you have to let her go and pray the Lord will watch over her. Prayer does a lot.
Happy everyone is safe. Have a wonderful stress-free holiday. Loved the new Innkeeper. It is lovely. Thank you.
$600 is NOTHING when it means they are safe. Even after all the times you tell them you love them, they don’t understand how overwhelmingly precious they are, and how you would do anything to keep them safe.
Sharing your stress-I have a 19-year-old daughter in college also, who thinks she’s perfectly safe studying late at the library and walking back at 1:00 am.
One thing you might want to discuss with Kid 1-and I know how scary this kind of conversation can be-is the importance of refusing to go with a kidnapper. I’ve warned my DD against doing anything that will allow an assailant to isolate her. If she’s attacked, her best bet is to make as much noise as possible and run. It’s hard to hit a moving target, and many gunshot wounds are survivable. If she’s going to be shot, she’s better off in a public place where someone may hear the sound and help her. Her options go way down once the attacker gets her alone in a place of his choosing.
I’m so sorry that any of us have to think about these things. Hoping the rest of your week goes better, and congrats on $600 well spent.
And she should scream “Fire, fire” instead of “Help, Help!”
I sometimes find it comforting to read the CDC death stats. As much as I *want* to hear all the news around me, sometimes those anecdotes just don’t add anything to my forward-looking life-planning. They do however offer a sense of urgency to my daily exercise/training plan to be able to run-hide-fight from such violent events. Also helpful for health margins, since we (Americans) are statistically much more likely to die of an accident (45yo).
My daughter, a 4’10” blonde, portable-sized darling, hikes ALONE (except for her beagle and a mutt mix) in the backwoods of Alaska. Before that, she and her dogs did the Appalachian Trail. She carries a small handgun, but still – the gray hair sprouting from her parents’ heads has a direct link.
Deep breaths. Many of them. It’s weird how our children think that saving us $600 is a good thing against the walking in the dark into a darker and enclosed parking garage. Campuses are rife with crime because most attendees are young and looking at their phones as they go from point A to point B. It’s easy to attack them, because they refuse to be careful.
Pretty sure Texas is an open carry state. I know Ohio is. I also know what I heard from a Texas State Patrol officer I talked to as I moved out of Texas and back to Ohio, where I belong. I asked her how I was supposed to transport my handgun in the trunk of my car when I had a hatchback with no cover and no trunk. She said, “If I were you, I’d carry it on the seat next to me, ready at hand in case I needed it. If you need it, no one will ever ask you where it came from.” I did as she suggested, got home safely. Never needed it. But having it made me feel better, and I kept my eyes open in case I might need to reach for it.
A thing I would suggest would be for her to call someone and have someone on the other end of her phone as she walks. Someone will thus know if she runs into some idiot planning to hurt her. It’s amazing, but when you have someone listening, most idiots will bypass you because they want to get away with whatever they have planned. Most young women will not use a taser or pepper spray or a gun, but being literally connected to someone far enough away to not be compromised by an attacker who can contact police immediately when someone tries something is a good idea, no matter if you have a weapon or not.
When I worked alone for hours in a very bad neighborhood, the police stopped in to see if I have protection against someone breaking in. I said yes, I have a gun, and I have many things here I can use as a weapon, too. ANYTHING you can hold in your hand is a weapon in an attack. I learned years ago to walk with my car keys in my hand, my finger through the ring, the key sticking out so that when I made a fist, the key would stab whomever I hit with that fist. For years as a teen, I walked around with a roll of pennies in my pocket because if you make a fist around a roll of coins, you are less likely to injure yourself if you hit someone and more likely to injure that someone with your hand so solid. The big problem today is that nobody is looking around. Situational awareness isn’t just for snipers.
Some schools offer rides or a walk along for female students walking campus alone at night. See if that’s an option there. At Texas A&M, your student ID had a number to call on the back of it. Any time, no matter what hour, a member of the Corp of Cadets would show up to walk with you if you called.
See if she can take Artha to class! My German Shepherds have caused more than 1 guy to cross the street to avoid us. They always think a small woman can’t possibly have control of that big dog. And shepherds are always aware of their surroundings.
Agreed!
Sadly it never goes away. My daughter just turned 40 with 4 kids. I surreptitiously adjusted the settings on the Find my Phone app on her phone so that I would know where she was at all times. Of course she found out, and of course got very pissed off at me. I don’t care. She is still my daughter and I worry. I always will.
When my daughter went to school in LA and lived there for 4 years, I was on edge the entire time. She lived alone. Drove to and from or walked when she was living closer. Thankfully she really wasn’t one to go out to bars, esp alone. I was so glad when she moved back to NY. And then this week there was a murder/suicide (attempted) right around the corner from one of our kids here. Yesterday our day at work started at 130am with a DOA of a 6 wk old, to 2 teens stealing and crashing cars across county lines to someone getting stabbed in the head at midnight today. It’s scary.
If there was such a place, I’ll move my loved ones there in a heartbeat. I understand, I’ve felt (and still feel) like that sometimes. It’s hard to accept we can’t control A LOT of things.
I would have lost my mind too. I’m so glad she was safe!
Scary stuff. The only thing in life we can control is our behavior and our reactions to what happens. The expensive parking sticker is what YOU can do, the rest of self protection is on kid 1. Self defense instruction, situational awareness, and a willingness to inflict harm on an attacker. Go for the eyes and ears, gouge, rip, tear, bite, and scream; the more damage you inflict the easier to catch them and the more trouble you are as a victim. Your best weapon is your brain, use it.
Two boys in the military, one in bomb disposal deployed to Afghanistan. He showed me his commendations one of which was clearing
8 miles of trail and neutralizing several IEDs along it. I had to quit reading them. I told him as long as he was still actively deploying I could not have that in my head. I had to trust his training and the fact he’s good at his job to keep him safe. My point is, you cannot control anything that happens and making yourself crazy with “what ifs” will only destroy your health. Your daughters are adults , it’s their responsibility to keep themselves safe in their daily lives. My daily mantra for many years was “let go and let God”. I have made a conscious decision to not worry about things I have no control over, so I make the best informed decisions I can and let it go.
My university ( not UT but one of their satellites) would offer escorts by campus security when asked for between any building (dorms, apartments, classrooms, labs, library, rec center) or parking lot/garage on campus.
As a grad student nearly all my classes ran 6-9pm. If I didnt have buddies to walk out with, I’d call and wait for the escort.
Kid 1 should inquire if that’s a service offered, as it is another resource she may want to use at times to stay safe.
My school did that, too, and that was 30 years ago. There was an on-campus organization of student volunteers that would be available all night to escort students. Something Kid 1 might want to look into. Especially after hearing about that poor girl in New York.
It was a thing 50 years ago, too. My university (Rice U in Houston) has only hedges between the campus and Houston’s Main Street. That area is not a high crime area, but there are no physical barriers at all. Main St carries an unreal amount of traffic. Security was not a given.
Though we could call for an escort, we seldom had to. At that time, the on-campus population was 2 to 1 in favor of the guys and most of them wanted to be helpful.
You have my deepest sympathy. That is so scary. I’m glad your daughter will be parking closer to her class building.
Holding space for all of us to get through our journeys intact and ‘safe’
While I work in the accounting department I have a coworker who cleans vacant buildings and offices. She’s 5 foot tall. Sweet, nice, happily married with three children.
She often travels to the buildings when it is dark outside in the early morning hours. And sometimes in deserted business areas.
Today I asked her if she had pepper spray. She said no. I loaned her mine with a quick training how to use.
I feel better about it. I hope you feel better about purchasing the permit that allows your child to park closer.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that horror. I find it amazing that kids prioritize the way they do, especially in this environment. I hope she continues to listen to her feelings and stays safe.
Your daughter’s reply about saving you money is adorable.
She might want to look into some really good martial arts classes. I’m a 57 yr old woman but I’m also a 5th degree black in Kung Fu San Soo….I travel all over the place by myself….no one ever messes with me. Mainly because the look on my face says….stay away. 😉
Youngest & only girl lived in the UK for a year of college. When she had free time she would travel around Europe. To save money she used a web site called Couch Surfing. People offered their couches for students to borrow for a night or two. After my initial freak out we settled on this rule that if the home felt “off” in anyway she was to go to a hotel and I would pay for it no matter the cost. She used it three times, once in Germany, Belgium and Amerstdam. Fortunately all three hosts were wonderful people. For that year I slept with my phone. Might not be a bad idea to buy pepper spray (and the eye wipes) for #1 & #2. It should always be in their hands when walking in a parking garage/lot. By the way my daughter took up sky diving while she was in England. As if my grey hair wasn’t coming in fast enough . . .
Sending lots and lots of Mom HUGS!
Lockdown alerts from your child’s school is the parents’ new nightmare.
I had a couple of those last year (active shooter on a middle school/high school campus; gun at a middle school dance) on top of all the other horrors life sprung on me.
Makes me furious that the NRA and guns are more valued than our children. And that when our children speak up because the adults are not doing what they should, they are mocked. Too many guns. We do not need them. It’s ridiculously easy to get them, and hard for too many young people to see a future without them.
“You can’t wrap them in bubble wrap. They’d rip through it and go for your throat.” – Curran, to Kate, about the boudas (Magic Breaks). But I’m glad you got the parking pass.
I remember the first time I read Shards of Honor by Lois McMaster Bujold, what stuck with me was Cordelia’s realization that we can’t keep our kids safe, that the best we can do is teach them competence at living dangerously, and the trick is like launching a paper flyer — you have to know when to let go. Have faith that you and Gordon have done a good job and trust your kids will soar whatever the danger. Your worry will only drive you crazy. Gift them a class in Krav Maga (or whatever) if it wlll help you sleep at night.
I lived in Atlanta for many years, and my husband was a city of Atlanta police officer in the worst beat possible. We moved to Houston 5 years ago (I love that both series written are in places I’ve lived and I actually know the areas!) My husband works downtown at the medical center as an ICU nurse, and every day he travels down there, my blood pressure rises until I get a text from him telling me that he arrived to work safely.
I have a 3-year old little girl. When she starts going out with friends, she is going to hate me for making her text/call me so often for updates that she is ok, and I’m sorry, but the world is not safe, and all we can do is what we know to protect the ones we love.
OMG scary! I have 3 daughters-all grown with children. When they were in school or moving away, I worried a lot, too. Things were not as crazy as they are today but, a Mom is a Mom. I think that was $600 well spent for everyone’s peace of mind. That your daughter was trying to save you money was so thoughtful but kind of off base. She obviously wasn’t scared because when we’re young we think we’re invincible. Hang in there! Have as peaceful a holiday as you can!
You are investing the parking permit fee in the emotional well being of your family.
Sending hugs and peace to House Andrews!!
Kids. Sigh. The fact she’s more concerned about **your** safety (financial) than her own shows a tender heart … even if you want to brain her for it.
Stay safe, all of you.
(((HUGS))) I’m glad they’re okay.
If you find that magical safe place, please let me know. I’ll be packed and ready to move within an hour.
Are tasers legal there? My parents bought my sister one after an abuse relationship and cause she’s 5″ nothing and is one of those who trouble is attracted too. They’d buy her a gun but she’s anti violence. As a mom of a girl I’m not ready for that. I’ve never had any bad/unsafe experience but watching my sister and hearing stories scares the bejeezus outta me.
I live in a little country town in Australia half an hour from a uni I walk every where even at night and I feel safe all the time. We have no guns . Our children can go out at night and not be afraid. We do not live with fear.
Hopefully things have calmed down a bit. I totally get the feeling my two youngest have times when they walk alone at night. My son has to park offsite and walk about ten minutes at times to and from his job. My youngest daughter sometimes has evening classes and has to walk back to her campus apartment. It is hard.
This is such a worrying thread that I want to share the privilege of some of the work I do. I see older people who are facing major surgery as a doctor. Sometimes I am the first person to ask them what are there thoughts about the possibility of death. I am often close to tears when I see the love people have for their families. I saw an amazing family where a lady had (very wisely) decided that she did not want surgery for cancer. Her memory was not great but she was very clear in her wishes. Her husband and daughter were openly crying when they affirmed her decision. It was such a privilege to be in that moment with them and help them access good palliative care services.
Yes, there are risks of living anywhere, but I hope you all smile a little and feel some of the love that surrounds us all and this helps you find the joy to keep smiling.
I’m a bit older grad student, and I’ve learned you never stop being a kid. If something bad happens near me I know my mom, grandma, and Houston mom (very nice lady who pretty much adopted me when I moved here and invites me to all her family holidays so I’m not alone) worry then I’ll get emails, texts, and the occasional phone call. So if I hear about something bad happening near me I try to get them a message as soon as possible so I don’t worry them.
Blessed be.
Y’all are great parents. You’ve raised two independent, SMART, listen to their instincts daughters.
The college years are the worst. I can say that becauae We also raised two daughter and I wasn’t sure they or I would survive college. In order help them stay safe and reduce our stress levels, we bought them both pepper spray and stun guns and made sure they knew how and when to use both. When they were still in highschool, my husband had taught them both how to fight, as in how to defend themselves, take a man twice their size to his knees and how to get out of most any hold. Once they got to college, they both took self defense classes to add to their skill set. We all survived and the grands are now in or heading to college; four boys and one girl. We will all survive and thrive, as will yall.
Holding you all in protective light. Blessings
I will never forget my youngest son telling me he was afraid to go to school after Columbine. There is no end. Sick people will do sick things no matter what we do.
Australia!
I am terrified of shootings in schools and public places.
They point to a systematic failure in the system that is not being addressed. There is ZERO effort to stop it!?!
We are moving back to Switzerland. Selling the house, forgoing our green cards, taking kids out of school, transferring jobs and leaving next summer.
Just before our trip to Europe last summer the Gillroy gardens shooting happened (we take kids there regularly). Its wasn’t the only reason we decided to move, but the contrast between Swiss and US had never been more clear.
((((Hugs))))
I’m so glad your daughter was aware of, and listened to, her feelings.
Echoing the comments about situational awareness – it’s so important not just to be aware of what’s happening around us in the physical sense – but also to learn how to tune into, and respect, our intutitions.
Unfortunately cost-benefit analyses re addressing rare but serious risks seem to take a while to come online with kids …
After Christmas break 2018 my 21 year old daughter returned to college 3 hours away. I got a kick out of a text she posted to all her friends and me.
“Just unpacked my suitcase and found yet another container of mace my mom had slipped in as I was packing to go. Other people’s moms send them food. My mom sends me weapons.”
Well… It makes me feel better.
My best friend does this. To this day she’s sent me a taser, a small can of pepper spray, medium thing of mace, and a switchblade.
Not the US obviously, or anywhere without strict gun control laws.
Australia is much safer, even with annual bushfires and a multitude of dangerous fauna, hanging around even in houses ????
This isn’t really about gun violence, but rather gender based violence. Rates of rape between US and Australia are pretty close. Yes, the guy grabbed the woman at gun point, but it wasn’t necessary for a guy to grab a woman.
Most sexual assaults happen with someone who is known to the victim rather than random, but still having mace or something similar is still a good idea for self defense.
I have been that daughter. I left home at 21 to come to the US for my postgrad. Prior to that I had never traveled without my family, never even cooked a meal or done laundry. After graduating I worked as a consultant for a few years, I would just pack up my 2 suitcases and move to wherever the job was.
So many cautions have become ingrained. House and car doors always locked. Friend on the phone in taxis or while walking through ill lit areas. Keys facing out between the fingers, head held high, eyes tracking the environment, keep moving, stay in control.
These tactics were good enough to protect me from strangers but the stalking, sexual assaults and deep emotional scars came from men I knew and trusted. So really all one can do is keep pushing through, survive, flourish and choose to be an optimist.
Congratulations on being that survivor.
If they haven’t already done so, I recommend a self-defense course. When I started martial arts as a middle-aged woman it was hard for me to strike someone without hesitation. Now I can happily slug someone taking a shot at me.
A minor add on suggestion, from martial artsNguyen met at a training.
. Any time woman is in a bad situation, yell in your head “child may die!”
Women hesitate for themselves but imho we will switch to violence and strong defense when we think children are in danger.
Amen, sister! Martial arts gives you so much confidence that attackers often choose other targets, ones that look worried or intimidated. They teach you to stay calm and focused when under attack. And they teach you to fight like you wouldn’t believe. I haven’t practiced in years, but the training is ingrained in me now and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Bad things happen in ALL places. You can’t keep your kids safe. But martial arts will give them skills they can use to keep themselves safer.
My daughter took a martial arts course. She was told first option, run – run fast. Even a good martial arts specialist can have an accident. If all your martial arts exerience is in a class, you’ll have trouble adapting to a real situation.
My self defence teacher (who’s trained and successfully competed in martial arts) says not to run until you know they can’t chase you. If they’re an equal or stronger runner, you have your back to them and are vulnerable. He says don’t run until they’re down and are in too much pain to chase. If you’re in grabbing range there’s plenty you can learn to do that gets them down. Not strength based stuff, but includes how to move and nerve clusters.
I just started learning this year, and am a short, fat 56 year old woman. It’s not easy especially grappling ground work but having to practise again and again with a younger, fit 6′ man is worth it.
I meant to add that I’m not learning a specific martial art with its own rules of moves and responses, but how to fight smart and dirty as self defence against a likely taller, stronger male who’s more likely to want to rape me. In which case the moves a competitor wouldn’t use because eg it might break an elbow, are the ones for me to use.
Krav Maga (Israeli self defense) is geared at this. It’s not a conventional martial art at all, but rather designed to get you out of a situation — if you can’t run away or defuse– by quickly inflicting incapacitating injury . .
Yah. Krav Maga is designed to be fast, efficient and brutal. It’s a military technique created to take down an opponent in the fastest and most permanent way possible.
Every woman should take some kind of self-defence course – it levels the playing field between male and female.
It’s also a great confidence booster.
::looks at the action brackets and sighs…misses the old AOL chatroom roleplay and fun from 20+ years ago:: I’m glad she’s safe and you have a better sense of peace of mind. But you know, as a parent, until your in the ground, you’ll always worry about them. They’ll always be your babies. And no one can tell you otherwise. ::shrugs:: I think a lot of us feel the same about our own kids. No shame in the game. ::hug::
A safer place would be Australia 🙂 We legislated for gun control years ago. But I guess we are talking Texas here….. I worry more about the drugs at the music festivals my daughter attends!
We move countries and one of the main reasons was safety, but our case was really bad. My husband was held at gunpoint in front of his parents’ house and that was considered common. I don’t have children yet, but I definitely want to have them in a safe environment.
Someone mentioned taking self defense classes – highly recommend them! They literally saved my life when I was in a bad situation a few years later. As for the parent thing – I totally understand and share your freak-out. My 22 yr old son lives with me in Denton so he can attend UNT. My neighborhood is right next to one of the local High Schools that my coworker’s son attends. About 2 months ago she got a text from her son that was basically “School is on lock down. it’s not a drill there’s a shooter somewhere on campus. I love you.” Everyone in my office jumps on the internet and starts ferreting out information (fyi – we are researchers/reporters so know how to dig). Turns out there were reports of 2 armed men walking across the campus and into my neighborhood. Thankfully no one ever actually the HS and all the kids were safe. Cue my freak out as I don’t know where my son is. He often walks our dog to the mailbox in the mornings before leaving for classes – which is where the shooters were last seen – and I can’t get in touch with him. For twenty minutes I didn’t know if my son was OK. The police were not releasing any information. Did I mention we are an office of researchers? One of the ladies I work with managed to tracked down a group of retirees in Dallas who listen to police scanners as a hobby. They put her in touch with the Denton group who was able to tell us the men had been arrested with no shots being fired. My son hadn’t answered his phone because he slept late and then was in the shower. His response when I finally got in touch with him was, “hmm. wondered why I kept hearing helicopters.” So, very long story to tell you that I am so sorry that you had to go through something similar. I don’t ever, ever want to go through that again and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I wish those people who find it so easy to hurt others or find themselves in a position to cause pain to someone else could go some where to find help. I wish I could make all people and animals safe. The world is a harsh place and I feel tremendous anxiety all the time. I am glad your Kid 1 is groovy and safe. *internet hugs*
Buy her mace, brass knuckles, and a watch that has SOS and tracking capabilities. Maybe she can partner up with someone in that class as a walking buddy.
As a mom that freaks me out too.
The walking buddy in the best one. Also, carry car keys with keys sticking out of your fist. If someone attacks, hit them pointed metal out. As for freak outs, my poor Mom freaked out the entire time I was in the military. Perspective is key to your calmness. Teach someone to defend themselves you will worry less. Unless you have a daughter like me that ran into the fires instead of away. Yes, I was a firefighter while serving in the Middle East and other places.
Thank you for the post, Ilona Andrews. I am sure you and Gordon have taught the kids to be situationally aware. So trust that some sank in . I do agree with my fellow BDH members that taking self defense classes are very helpful. It takes awhile to be hardwired.
Just know you have educated your babies the best you could and let them fledge.
I feel you, especially as a parent. I am horrified that there are no shooter drills in US schools. Hugs to your family and be safe.
**At first I thought this was a sentence in book with Baylor Investigation ????
I teach in Florida and we have monthly state required drills, 1 fire and 1 active shooter (called lock down) drill.
Ohio here. Fire drills monthly, ALICE (active shooter) drills quarterly, tornado drills twice in the fall and once in the spring. We talk about it all the time. Most US schools are like this.
About an hour after my earlier post my daughter’s school received a bomb threat. She was off campus and her roommate was at the apartment. So far they have closed classes and postponed this afternoon’s finals. Still waiting for the all clear. This is at SAn Francisco SU.
This is becoming to. Common
I remember there being a bomb threat for the building I had class in. It was the building for electrical engineering, etc. They didn’t find anything.
It was nearly 20 years ago. I remember people speculating that it was a student who didn’t want to go to class, but couldn’t miss.
We were evacuated from class and sat in the student union while waiting for the all clear. It didn’t happen until after class was over.
Glad she’s safe. Neither Uber or Lyft are any guarantee of safety these days either.
There have been lots of good tips here already, but I remembered a couple more that I don’t think I’ve seen mentioned. If you get picked up and your fighting isn’t getting you anywhere, go limp. Dead weight is harder to carry than active weight. (I wasn’t sure that would work when I heard it, so I had to try it. I used a very strong weight lifter to pick me up. He did it with no problem when I struggled, but when I went limp, he couldn’t hold me. If you test it, be prepared to be dropped.) Get dropped and run. Or maybe get dropped, kick him in the balls, and run.
The other thing is to get MAD. Really angry, royally pissed, mad. If you are scared, you might freeze. Find something that makes you so angry, you flip and then practice getting mad in an imaginary threat scenario. For me, it was “This man could take my sister and hurt her. F that! ” (now it’s also my son). It’s easier to defend a loved one then protect yourself. She might be able to get mad on her own behalf, but maybe she’ll need to imagine someone else. Like her sister, a best friend, you, maybe her dog, a child, whatever it takes.
It is such a different world from just a few years ago. I know the wanting to keep them safe and not knowing where safe is. All we can do is be careful and hope for the best. Glad there was something you could do about the parking.
I am so glad I live in Australia. Very strict gun laws here. We have never had a school shooting here. That is not to say we don’t have crime here, muggings and house invasions. Only one mass shooting since 1996, a family tragedy. Yes sometimes crooks get hold of guns, but still safer than most countries. New Zealand had a mass shooting, and introduced gun laws similar to Australia this year.
The mass shooter in New Zealand was an Australian. Try New Zealand similar to Aussie but the wildlife isn’t lethal.
Unfortunately, idiots with guns or crazies can pop up anywhere. I know others have already spoken about this but gun control helps. Not perfect, because see sentence one.
I am still shocked when I cross the border (I am Cdn) and the airport to come back (Fla. is the latest example) includes guns or ammunition in the “don’t bring this onboard” notices.
Love them. Worry about them. Trust them not to be stupid. What else can you do with those you love?
Well,it’s not such a different world really. I was taking a summer school course at UT and had just left campus when the tower shooter opened up. I had parked just yards from the Tower. My cousin was sitting in his wheelchair …helpless to move …near the library. Someone risked his life to wheel him away.
I still shiver when I enter campus. Life isn’t safe and random violence has been part of life…forever.
I know how you feel Ilona. I live in Vermont, one of the smallest AND the second least populated state in the country (even Alaska has more people), and even here you have to be alert.
Violent crime, especially against random victims, is extremely rare here but it still happens.
I was working at a Walmart one summer while I was in college. A lady had been kidnapped from the same plaza and murdered a couple of years before, so of course all of my new coworkers told me every terrifying detail… which was good. I was just outside the entrance after closing waiting for my mom to pick me up and some dude does a slooooow drive-by and tries to talk to me. Maybe he wanted to ask me a legitimate question, but I was a young female outside late in the evening… I wasn’t going to talk to him… so I walked behind a pilon, and as he crawled by (probably thinking I would just keep walking), I suddenly reversed direction and he sped off… I went right back in the store, told the managers, and for many nights after that a male manager or night stocking associate stood outside with any ladies waiting for rides at the end of the night. No one had been expecting the man, so he was definitely a random person. I made sure to give as detailed description as I could of that man and his car.
I don’t say any of this to scare you even more. I just wanted to show that trusting your instincts is often best and the real moral of the story is DON’T let embarrassment or anything else silly get in the way of being safe.
P.S. Most college campus police will gladly meet students at a building and help escort them to their vehicles and vice versa. Sometimes you have to wait a little while for them to get there, but peace of mind is priceless.
Take Artha with her.
Can’t help but sending you and yours prayers
So, let me start out by saying that I’m 17 weeks pregnant with our second child. But, before we made the decision finally to have our second child (our daughter will be 4 in February), I had a lot of consideration if I wanted to bring another child into the world that we live in. Two years ago, our local school had a shooting. Thankfully no one died, and only two people were shot, but it was our local MIDDLE SCHOOL. The young man went in with one person in mind, and ended up with two because a teacher decided to step in and try and stop it.
Shootings, bombings, kidnappings, child pornography, child molestation, rape, violence…. this is the world we live in. People wonder why I don’t watch the news. I share every missing person alert on Facebook that I come across if the person has not been found because I want them found. I want people to know they’re missing.
Yes, this world is a scary place, yes, I often bring myself almost into a panic attack worrying about my daughter and my unborn child, but, I intend to teach love, not hate. I want them to learn about kind, wonderful heroes and heroines, and to have them aspire to be like them. I hope and pray that they help make the world a better place, and that they do not fall prey to anyone or anything that may try to come after them or damage their childhood, or the good that they see in life.
Sorry… *Gets off soapbox now* Long story short, I feel you guys. <3
I think there are a lot of good comments on how we can protect ourselves through self defense and situational awareness. However, I don’t think our world is less safe than it was before, we just didn’t know. My mom won’t be in the house without the doors locked, because when we lived in the safe suburbs in the early 60’s, a man was using the back door to go into the basements to rape the women when they went to do their laundry. She can also talk about family violence from the small farming community she grew up in during the 30’s. Scale it up by population density, and the incidents are very similar to what is heard today. I think the nicer approach to life is living well, be aware, and hope my kids stay safe while I worry.
Most of the evidence I’ve seen suggests that overall, there is less. There has been some shift in types of events… though how much of one, and what that really comes to is largely a matter of how you define terms, if you’re talking the last few decades, rather than, say, the past century or so.
This doesn’t change the impact of events that hit close to home, whatever it is that makes them close.
I went to UT – Austin and was on campus for the Texas shooter in the tower. Gun laws in the US are insane. Something like 70% of US citizens want gun control. I live in the UK now. You can get guns here – but there are controls and police checks and you have to have a safe lock up cabinet where the guns won’t be stolen. It’s a lot worse in Texas than it used to be. Then, I didn’t know anyone that had a gun but my grandfather – shot gun, rifle, he hunted for the pot. He had a firm rule: never kill anything you can’t eat. My father went hunting with him once, killed a deer, looked at it dying and swore he’d never kill anything again.
Best 600 bucks you will ever spend !!! Bless Kid 1 for be financially aware and obviously not being put out by the extra walking that her peers do not do, that is some kind of wonderful Kid just for that. I am glad she is safe and will know in future which expenses to talk to you about before trying to save you money!!
I am so glad your daughter is okay.
Speaking as the child being freaked out over, my mom worried about me no matter what. I travel for business and she would see me off to the airport every trip and be there waiting for me to arrive home. I would have to call her every night when I was back in my room for the night and send her check-in texts throughout the day. It would be worse when I travelled alone for pleasure which I do fairly often. My last trip this July, we went through the same routine and I finally told her that I am 50 years old and perfectly capable of taking care of myself and she just ignored me a keep on worrying and expecting calls and check-ins. She passed away unexpectedly this October and I had to travel for business three weeks later. I would have given anything to have her there watching me pull out of the driveway, making me call her every day and been able to see her standing on the front steps waiting for me to pull back in. No matter how old you are or how capable you are, cherish having your mom freak out and worry about you. you’ll miss it when she’s not there to do it anymore.
If it’s not your kids, it’s your parents/ in-laws, if it’s not them, it’s your siblings, if it’s not them, it someone else you know and love.
Over the past couple of years I have frantically called/texted/PM someone who was possibly in an active shooter situation.
I used to volunteer at my youngest son’s elementary school. It broke my heart the first time we did an active shooter drill. This was after Sandy Hook so I understood the reason why.
All you can do is train yourself and your family to be self aware and know your options at home and work. And pray.
Hello to House Andrews!
Kid 1 must have great instincts. When I was in collage (many years ago) I had to take night classes. We often walked out to the parking lots alone, and the campus wasn’t well lit. I remember walking out and feeling violence in the air after class one night. It is hard to explain but I just had a feeling of danger. I turned to my classmates and said “we need to pair up going to our cars”. I got strange looks but many people that night walked in small groups to the parking lots. I found out the next day that a female campus student had been kidnapped earlier in the day, taken to a nearby, empty Jehovah’s Wittness hall, and stabbed 48 times. The killer had not be apprehended. My instincts have never led me astray and I listen to them. Seems Kid 1 does too. I hope that helps with your freakout. For Anxiety, I do 4 square breathing. You can find an article online – the Seal Teams use it for stress management. Best Regards! D
I am so sorry you went through this. It’s a terrible feeling. My boys and I made a deal. If there was a situation, they were to text us immediately. We also discussed cost Vs safety. It’s just so scary. May your holidays be safe and boring.
I’m glad Kid1 is safe, I’m glad the woman was found. I’m glad you bought the parking pass, hopefully that will alleviate some worry in spite of local events.
Sometimes things happen that make you appreciate when things are going well but it sucks to have to live through them.
I hope you find some peace and that Kid1 does well with her classes.
I wish Kid2 well as well.
And Brandi too.
My karate teacher was an exMarine and former bar bouncer who taught dirty street fighting to my preadolescent kids and me. He swore he would never let us forget it if we needed to be fierce and did a stupid teenage ninja turtle move instead.
Best karate–avoid the bad situation. Second–run away from the situation. Third–talk your way out of the situation and run like hell. Fourth–give them what they want and run. Throw the car keys under the car. Give them a backup wallet with a few bucks in it and an expired credit card. Fifth–do lethal damage and run like hell. Do not stop and offer first aid. Do not apologize and help the perp to get up. He will help you to get dead.
Learn how to yell. In a bad situation do not worry about making a scene. You Want People to Be Disturbed!!!!! They will record you on cell phones and call 911. If you are being grabbed and dragged into a car, yell. “You’re not my father!” Gets attention fast on a playground “Get away from me, creep!” full blast on a college campus may attract the football team. Half the time an assailant will run if you make serious noise; half the time if you put up a fight they’ll give up; half the time if they threaten to shoot they’ll miss; half the time they shoot they won’t kill you. And if they do at least people will know what happened.
Final words of violence:. Stomp on their feet if they grab you from behind and run your feet down their shins. Stomp them again, turn as they let go to cuss,. kick their knees backwards and run like hell. Hit their eyes with your fingers or car keys, shove your fingers into the little gap above the breast bone and crush the trachea, hit them hard and up with a flat palm to the nose and drive the bone fragments up into the brain. Hit them with your purse or a stray brick or a rock or your shoes if you’re barefoot. Be lethal if you have to be and don’t hesitate. They will try to kill you.
Practice yelling by calling people to the dinner table. No indoor voices! (This one doesn’t apply if you live in a small apartment with thin walls because your neighbors will kill you ). Stay calm and shut yourself away if you are scared and turn the fear into anger. Don’t do lethal damage unless you have to!