ILONA ANDREWS

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author

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Signs of Life

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Dina: Welcome, everyone. Please help yourself to the tea and cookies.

Curran: Question – why are these cookies shaped like little beer barrels?

Dina: Our chef watched a documentary on St. Bernard dogs who rescue people from avalanches. Apparently there is an urban legend of them carrying small kegs of brandy to warm up people they dig out of the snow.

Rogan: Explains the bone shaped cookies and the paw prints as well.

Sean: Yeah, he got a theme and just kind of ran with it.

Nevada: Well, it’s not off far off the mark. They are snowed in.

Kate: Look, I know that you are losing your cool here, but just because they are working on something else doesn’t mean you are abandoned.

Curran: Magic Triumphs came out in 2018 and they came back to the series in 2022. Look at the Kinsmen Universe. They had to wait 10 years for the next in the series.

Catalina: To be fair, it’s a very episodic series. Separate protagonists for each book.

Alessandro: Exactly. And they switched publisher for the last one.

Sean: Curran’s point stands: they’ve been only working on this one for about a year.

Arabella: Two years, technically, on and off. It’s not the duration of absence. It’s the intensity. Let’s review: they normally have a side project going along with their main one. There is no side project. There is nothing on the blog. When do they take time from the blog?

Catalina: Never.

Arabella: Exactly. It’s their main marketing tool. They’re so on the ball with it that when they don’t post for a few days, people start emailing and asking if they are divorcing or some horrible emergency occurred. They’ve blogged through the surgery recovery, for goodness sake.

Kate: You are catastrophizing. You do that a lot.

Arabella: Please provide me with detailed examples of when I catastrophized something?

Nevada: You are doing it right now.

Arabella: I don’t think you’re understanding the severity of the situation. You, Kate, of all people, should be upset. They promised your next novella. They haven’t written it. They promised Hugh and Elara’s next book. They are not writing it either. All they do is edit that… whatever it is. Mod R said she has 6 versions of this book. 6. And why is it twice as long as anything they’ve written before?

Sean: Where is Hugh and Elara, by the way?

Curran: Something came up. Some dark druid something or other. They’ve got about a chapter in and so they are waiting to see if anything else gets written. Right now everything is bad and the herbs are dying.

Catalina: Wait, does this mean your panacea supply is in danger?

Kate: We stockpiled both on our side and the Pack’s but yeah, basically. You know how they are. If there is a chance to ratchet the stakes up a notch, they always go for it.

Dina: Yes, it’s never like if you don’t do this, it’s a minor setback. If they were writing a story about baking a pie, the world would be in danger of blowing up if the crust burned.

Kate: To be fair, people expect that from them.

Dina: I’m not disagreeing. It’s just tiring, that’s all.

Catalina: Some of that is due to the editorial feedback. Maggie started out as a slice of life adventure. First, their agent told them to make it more intense and now the editor has asked for even more tension. I have seen the editorial notes. Every time someone has a lighthearted moment, there is a note asking if it’s worth to add one more beat of earnest tension to it.

Arabella: I don’t care. This is beside the point.

Dina: What is the point?

Arabella: Why are they working on that mess when they could be writing something more important? Do they not understand what the people want?

Sean: What do they want?

Arabella: Me! They want me! My trilogy is a pile of money waiting to be scooped up!

Alessandro: Figuriamoci.

Nevada: Oh, here we go.

Arabella: This person they’re writing about doesn’t even have any magic powers. She doesn’t transform, she doesn’t fight with a sword, she is not good at any of the hero things. Who would want to read about her?

Kate: Respect the creativity of people who made you. They have never written a weak protagonist.

Curran: Some dangers aren’t obvious.

Rogan: Good things come to those who wait.

Arabella: I have waited enough! I…

Dina: Welcome to Gertrude Hunt. This is a private meeting, but I will be glad to show to a room.

Maggie: Thank you. But that won’t be necessary. I’m just here for Orro’s cookies.

Alessandro: Awkward.

Dina: Of course. Please help yourself.

Maggie: Is it okay if I take a few? Some for the kids and one for Reynald?

Dina: Please.

Maggie: Thank you.

Arabella: I just want to know one thing.

Maggie: What is it?

Arabella: What’s so special about you? What is your power?

Maggie: Oh. I’m a fan.

Catalina: I’m sorry.

Maggie: I am a fan. I read books over and over. I obsess over the details, like which region the armor came from, how far can a magic horse run in a day, and what are the medieval bras made out of. I know everything about all of you. I have read your books over and over. I know your motivations, your secrets, and your hidden thoughts. Those private doubts you kept to yourself during your woe-is-me moments? The unkind things you sometimes thought about your loved ones? I can quote them from memory.

Arabella: …

Maggie: Thank you for the cookies.

Dina: You are welcome to visit any time. …. Okay, she’s gone.

Sean: Well, that was eerily disturbing.

Alessandro: How did she even know how to get here… Oh.

Kate: I told you.

Rogan: Next time, we need to invite her.

Dina: Oh, don’t you worry. I’ll be sending an invitation with a platter of cookies.

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Comments

  3. Team metal rose is worried about the fact that there was no mention of Julie/Aurelia, Derek or Atlanta.

    • Ten days late, BUT also very worried about Julie/Aurelia and Derek not getting a mention. I have always wanted something for Derek!

      Team Metal Rose!

      • Oh my god, Is today the 16th? Where have I been, I’m not ten days late, I’m 12 days…where does the time go?

  4. I love your sense of humor. And also. I got really excited at this, “And why is it twice as long as anything they’ve written before?”

    I love a good book I can enjoy for a while. Yay!

  6. Thank you for this post today. I really needed a good laugh after slogging through stuff at work.

    Meetings at the Inn are so funny and wonderful. 😀

    Mod R, I thought you would be the referee in this roundtable discussion instead of Dina. 😉

  8. Now I want cookies!

    Thanks for the snippet in the Inn! My fave! And with the whole cast of characters!

    Go Maggie!

  10. What a great surprise and welcome break from everything! Many thanks 🙂

    I hope this means that you’re feeling a bit less stressed. I have faith in you both and, even though I am a card-carrying member of the BDH, I am capable of waiting, and I fully realize and support that the priority is your well being 🫂

  12. This!!! You two rock!!!
    😂😂😂😂
    Poor baby Arabella. I feel for her – but looking forward to Ms. Maggie 😁😁

  13. How fun. So Maggie seems to fit right in with the BDH, although she does seem rather p*tient. Perhaps we could learn from her example. Lol. Looking forward to her book and now I need to find some cookies.

  14. “I have read your books over and over. I know your motivations, your secrets, and your hidden thoughts…I can quote them from memory.”

    Awesome, Maggie is an amalgam of the Book Devouring Horde. I’ve always wanted to help inspire a lead character in a novel.

    And kudos to her for keeping that crowd on their toes.

  15. Yes yes! We wants the precious Arabella!! Maggie too…and Kate! All of the books! lol!
    I love Arabella and can’t wait for her story! Please have her and Mihail be end game!!

  16. Thank you for the tea party! It was a success since no one had to be restrained by the Inn. I guess the Kinsman and the Edgers couldn’t get away 😉 (and Her Grace probably thought it was too plebeian).

  17. I love them all, but I would probably give an extra hug to Arabella if she were real. It’s hard being the one that’s feeling all the feelings. And it doesn’t matter what comes next, I know I will enjoy it.

  20. Thank you all – it was great to meet you all in the Inn! Maggie, if you read this – we should have a chat about the speed of magic horses. I know from some trustworthy sources that the not-horse Cuddles will manage 22 miles in roughly 3 hours. I do not have it from a book but some slightly less reliable source that horses will walk between 3 and 5 miles an hour – so Cuddles is way faster. I was wondering about canter but was told that most horses would do max 20 min of canter while mules might be a bit stronger. So we have some room for imagination here.

    • IIRC Cuddles is gaited, due to some Tennessee Walker in there somewhere. I don’t know the normal speeds of the different TW gaits, but a horse with the normal three gaits of walk/trot/canter trots anywhere from 6-12mph. Non-gaited endurance horses spend a lot of time trotting. My guess is that Cuddles has a gait available that’s faster than a walk, and fits somewhere in the trot speed range.

      • I’m pretty sure Cuddles is not a mule. She is a mammoth donkey. Those are a real thing. The record largest is 17 hands tall I think. I don’t know if any donkeys are gaited. I can just imagine Cuddles doing a rack or a running walk like a Tennessee walker though.I once knew a pony that could rack. Cute little thing.Ht was half the size of my 14 and a half hand racking horse. They looked funny racking together as the little guy tried to keep up.

        • You’re right; not sure why I thought she was part TW. In any case, for the distance she’s traveling, some gait between walk and canter is indicated.

          My 12.1h lesson pony is a Welsh/Standardbred cross, and she will pace rather than trotting if the kids don’t push her enough. They like the pace though because it’s smoother than her trot, which is big for her size, so it’s all good. She has taught many, many kids to ride; they work their way up to trot eventually.

  25. LMAO! Maggie just gave some of the scariest people in ANY world pause– I think she’s ready to kick butt!

  26. I love reading your words so much! Thanks for the fun today. With all this election stress, I totally needed the laughter!!

  29. that was good fun, thank you. i loved the bantering between all my favorite characters.

    and especially enjoyed the light-hearted and fun read, when all this election stuff is so depressing and frustrating.

  32. I have missed the posts but know you guys are in the middle of being overwhelmed. And Mod R has been filling in. I hope you are over the mountain or out of the hole or done with whatever analogy works. Peace and love.

  34. A much needed laugh, thank you for a lovely surprise visit to the Inn. Somehow I imagine you sitting at the table and acting out the conversation like a fight scene 🙂
    Good luck digging out of the editing snow and aI hope you find the balance between your ideas and the Editors comments.
    I need to speak to Maggie though, see if I can get her to share the location of Gertrude Hunt……

  35. Thank you for the levity, I love Maggie, stay strong. Put in as much tension as you feel necessary.

  41. All of this gave was one though………

    Curran vs Arabella transformed.

    I will hibernate until I’m summoned with a new thing

  42. As someone who is currently re-reading Kate rn because I had a thought of “I miss my friends” (weird? Here? I think not); I appreciate this blog post.

    Creativity is hard, and y’all are the Olympic champions of creativity. Thank you for sharing your gift in whatever manner you deem fit!

  46. Thank you for the visit with family.
    Too much tension makes for an exhausting read. It also prevents getting to know different aspects of the characters. HA is fabulous at making real actors. Listen to your editors, but follow your heart.

  48. Plus 2 on ModR/Maggie. ModR is hanging upside down, maybe in a closet? Maggie is naked in a jail cell.

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