Sookie is an old doggie. Sometimes she forgets where she is. Sometimes when you tell her something, she just stares at you, a complete blank. Sookie was properly trained but now she has hit the canine equivalent of her 40’s. She simply doesn’t give a damn. She will obey, but it will take a firm command and persistence.
Sookie also weighs 80 lbs and is excellent at passive resistance. When asked to leave the kitchen, Sookie will frequently sit down in that sidesaddle bulldog way, depositing 80 lbs of dog on your feet and then staring sadly at you with dark eyes. You have to physically pull your feet from under her and then nudge her with your knee until she moves.
On Saturday Sookie needed a bath. Sookie is not a fan of baths.
I call her into the bedroom. She moseys over. I close our bedroom door and start taking off my workout clothes. Sookie sees me doing this and somewhere deep within her blissfully dim brain a light bulb goes off.
A shower is coming.
Sookie makes a break for the door. I laugh because I closed the door.
At the precise moment Sookie reaches the door, Oliver hits it from the other side because he wants into the bedroom. The door, which must not have been shut properly, pops open and Sookie bulldozes over the cat to freedom.
I growl, pick up my stinky workout clothes soaked with sweat, put them back on, grab a towel, and give chase.
Sookie predictably ran about ten yards to her pillow, where I find her. I wrap the towel around her neck like a leash and order her to come in a firm voice.
Sookie flops down.
Further verbal commands are useless at this point, so I pick her hind end up and set her back on her feet. We try the towel again, and this time she decides to come into the bedroom. As soon as we get there, she starts running into the suite. I take Oliver off the bed – he is not allowed – throw him out and lock the door.
The shower and the toilet in out bathroom are sectioned off in their own little room. I herd Sookie into the shower. Then I lock the door to that small room, lay down the dog towel, strip naked, and get into the shower.
Water comes on. Sookie takes it as a sign of mortal danger and tries to push past me. However, I am prepared and I block her. I successfully drench her in warm water, and then I apply shampoo. She stands still and nobly suffers. I turn to put shampoo back onto the shelf and Sookie takes off like a rocket, out of the shower and toward the door.
I swear in two languages, get Sookie back into the shower, and rinse her off. Then I apply conditioner. Because of our dry weather, our dogs often get itchy and so we use specially formulated canine oatmeal conditioner after the shampoo. The conditioner has to be rubbed into the pelt. So, I get conditioner and starts applying.
Apparently, Sookie must’ve blown her coat. Maybe she thinks its spring. I don’t know. But I am rubbing and handfuls and handfuls of fur are coming out and stick to my wet skin. I am up to my elbow in brindled dog hair. I have chunks of it on me, on my stomach, on my legs. There is so much of it, the drain is clogged, and I have to scoop it out of the way.
I turn to put the conditioner up and Sookie takes off again.
If you happened to have opened the door at that moment, you would have seen a wet orc-looking dog running for her life and a plump female werewolf midway through a shape change chasing her, screaming incoherently.
I get her back into the shower and rinse her off. Then I dry her with a towel, and open the door. Sookie charges out and I see Gordon, who sees me covered in Sookie’s fur and starts laughing.
And that’s what it is like to bathe and Olde English Buldogge. How did your weekend go?
It’s not Sookie’s fault that she was born beautiful but kinda dumb.
I am moderately surprised that you survived laughing at this event.
Oh, thanks for the laugh.
After a weekend of threatening to return naught children’s Christmas presents, I needed it.
“blissfully dim brain” is my favorite new phrase.
Diane Mc. says
Thanks for the laugh! He does’t look like he has that much hair.
She. Named after Sookie Stackhouse from the Southern Vampires series, Ilona said when they got her.
Lynn Thompson says
Bwah ha ha ha. Thank you, Ilona Andrews for the post. I was having a Monday on a Monday and this ROFLOL made my day. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing that! That’s the way my lab is as well, which is strange because he loves water. Apparently only stinky pond water though. ????
Judy Schultheis says
I really shouldn’t be laughing. I’ve had to give cats baths.
But this is absolutely hysterical. Thank you for the laugh!
We have barn cats to keep the mice and rats under control on several acres. We had an injured barn cat once. They had to remove a round patch of skin as the tissue under became infected and necrotized (e.g. died.) The vet said we had to perform hyrotherapy of the healing patch -daily, no less- to soften the scab and prevent further infection.
Hydrotherapy=bath the damn cat.
The offered to keep her and do the two week hydrotherpay treatment for the low fee of $2,300. This was, I should note, after the $1,300 emergency surgery to remove the skin and the daily antibiotics to combat the infection. After the first session, I was looking into leather gauntlets. Who knew how “lively” a “sick” barn cat could be. She went on to hunt down mice and rats for many years after. Those were fun times. Thanks for the laugh. I feel and remember your pain. You’re a good pet mom!
Amy Ann says
Leather gauntlets–the only way to handle a cat. Baths, stuffing them in the carrier for a vet visit, medicating them. It’s amazing how actively resistant a normally docile, loving cat can be. I have permanent scars from when I haven’t used gauntlets.
Depends on the cat. I’m into my 60s, had cats all my life, and never had to use gauntlets on one of my own cats. However I was also a vet tech for fifteen years, and there were a few times they were needed.
The technique for bathing a cat is: Run the bath before you bring the cat in. Temperature should be comfortably warm but definitely not hot. Then you lower the cat into the bath, using the scruff hold. The thing that usually triggers them is spraying them with water. If you dip them in, and subsequently pour it over them from a cup, they are not nearly as reactive as a rule. Frankly they almost never resist beyond general tense muscles.
Thanks for the tip!
ESPECIALLY DO ***NOT*** GET SPRAYER ANYWHERE NEAR FACE
Oona Pilot says
De-skunked my cat of 13 years ONE time ONLY. He got skunked in a thunder storm. I came home late at night in the thunder and rain and he was locked out trying to get to the house or sheltering in the carport. He and the skunk had the same idea and bumped into each other and skunk sprayed.. Not sure which was to blame. I smelled the dread smell… went on line for the hydrogen peroxide de skunk recipe. And then.. I put the cat in the sink wrapped in pillow case so he couldn’t claw me badly and bathed him in the solution. Then rinsed and did it again. Then rinsed. He was almost obliging by round two but I still got soaked, the bathroom was sopping and then I had to towel dry him. At that point he exhaustedly gave in and let me dry him with 2 towels. After which he wouldn’t come near me for the next few days… That is the ONLY time have EVER had to bath him. Hope to god I don’t ever have to do it on any of the other cats or I’ll get shredded….And I love it when vets recommend bathing the cat for fleas…No Dr. Vet and Vet Assistant I’ll leave it to the PROS. Eg you guys..
My eldest daughter, vet tech, 4’10”, 110 lbs, has mastered the ‘cat burrito’. Take extra large towel, clamp paws to sides, wrap cat. Hold firmly, administer medical aid quickly. Release cat in cage.
Oh, those moments when your old dog smiles at you and does exact the opposite you told him to!
Mary Beth says
I have to send this to my Hubby.
Our big chow-lab would lie down and refuse to move. Hubby called it ‘the Ghandi maneuver.’
Bwhahahahahahaha Oh that is the best doggie wash story I’ve heard. I live it monthly for our wash day, it’s nice to see I’m not alone. Cheers Sookie you almost made it.
Katie R says
My husband and I bathe the dogs together. He does the wet part and I do the drying part. You are far braver than I for doing it on your own.
I still remember one of your kids describing giving a bath to an earlier bulldog. Angus, I think it was. So funny.
Terry C says
I’m in tears!????????????????????????????
Thank you! I so needed that!!
I have an extremely anxious, fearful dog who’s a rescue from the the Dominican Republic. Right now, she stinks horribly. None of us can stand to have her near us, but, she has to be near us, being stroked and fussed over constantly to feel safe. Ordinarily, my husband bathes our dogs, since he’s a lot stronger than I am. Unfortunately, Lizzie hates men, including my husband and my son, even though she sleeps with hubs and he feeds her. Long story short: no bath for stinky Lizzie. My kids have started calling her “farty-ass.” Sigh.
Bill From NJ says
Have you tried a dry bath? She may let you put that on her and brush it through, it really can help. Our female dog is a rescue and she can be difficult, she is afraid of the dark so won’t go out at night even on a well lit patio and has other emotional issues; her littermate brother on the other hand is a complete goofball who is the happy knucklehead that nothing bothers him,I mean nothing.
I hadn’t thought about that. Do they sell dry shampoo for dogs? She may let me clean her that way a patch at a time, even though the spray (if it’s a spray) would freak her out, if I distracted her with peanut butter.
They do sell dry shampoo for dogs. But dry shampoo is essentially talcum powder*, so if you can find an unscented talcum powder that would do the job. Plus you could probably find one you could sprinkle on and stroke in.
* that’s what we call it in the UK, you may call it bath powder? Not sure …
Nikki S. says
Ive heard that talcum powder is not good for your health. Something about being a carcinogen, if i remember correctly.
Patti, have you seen water-less shampoo for dogs? They make one in a calming lavender that probably won’t make you gag (the brand is Wahl)
Janet Warkentin says
Try giving you dog Catnip apparently it is actually a sedative for dogs. It might calm her down enough to bath her.
I have been there, with a 95lb deaf Staffordshire! I am 85 lbs soaking wet so you know who wins.
Mary Cruickshank Peed says
My Amstaff hates hates hates baths, having her nails trimmed but loves to be brushed. Fortunately we have an excellent doggie grooming place about a mile away. And she loves to go there. They have treats. They brush her for ever. They trim her nails (which has been known to take 3 large animal vets and me to hold her down). These 2 little young women have tamed my scardy dog. I think it must be their pheromones or something. If I pick up the nail trimming tool she still hides but “go to the beauty parlor” has as many positive vibes as “go to the bank” and “go to grandma’s” have.
Moderator R says
What happens at the bank 😀 that he loves it so much?
Many small town banks in the US keep a stash of doggie treats for drive-thru customer’s shotgun riders. 🙂
They also normally have lollipops for the kiddos too.
Moderator R says
Aha! Mystery solved hehe, thank you.
A small kid once went to the counter, grabbed two handfuls of treats and threw them on the floor for my dog. All gone in under a minute and the next time we passed by after closing he refused to move. A Security guard figured out what was going on and opened the door to give him some! Never could get him to just walk on by after that.
In Oregon, where people are employed to pump your gas for you, they also carry dog treats. Every time we would go to the gas station our dog would stick his head out anywhere he could manage in order to get noticed and proceed with the soulful begging eyes until dog treats appeared!
In New Jersey, people pump your gas, too, it’s the law (no self-service), but the attendants don’t hand out dog treats that I’ve seen. That would be nice!
Oh my!! Thanks for that great laugh. Love it!! My dog is 14 pounds, soaking wet, so she’s pretty easy to pick up and bathe.
OMG!!! I’m dying!!!!????????????????
I have a spitz. I only give him a bath once a week because it’s cold right now and I can’t dry him properly. Anytime I lift my hand from his neck he attempts to break for it. So shampoo, conditioner and rinsing is all done one handed. When I dry him, I have to pick him up and put him in my lap and lean on him while I rub him with a towel so he doesn’t jump off to wherever he can find dust bunnies or fresh mud he can roll on. On day 5 or 6 when he’s sure to be stinky, you’ll find him on a bed, hus butt on a pillow. But right after a bath, he’ll go find mud. Like really. Why?
Lee Anne says
Not familiar w/ a Spitz but if it’s a type of scent hound that would explain it. We rescued Blueticks and Black-N-Tans for years and there’s nothing they love better than rolling in something really smelly right after their bath.
We have a Shih Tzu now through a weird adoption thing and he thinks the outside is horrible.
Hahahahaha, that was hilarious
Tina in NJ says
I thought of Aunt Bea instead of a werewolf. It took me forever to finish that paragraph, I was laughing so hard. I read a lot of blogs, and this has to be the funniest one I’ve ever read. And the action was so ordinary. Ilona, you are the best writer around.
This story is hilarious, as are many of the stories shared in the comments. I have the opposite problem… a poodle that always wants to get in the shower with me and is utterly disappointed when he is not invited. Before being bred to the lap dogs they are today, Poodles were water dogs used for game retrieval. think the regressive genes have made an appearance in my puppers…
I hear ya!! My retired racer greyhound thought showers were “family bathing time”.
“Hi mom, I get in shower with you, ok?”
Disappointed when he was nudged out of the bathroom, and the door was firmly shut.
I cal relate 100%. I used to have to shower an 85 lb German Shepherd Dog in a telephone booth sized stall-type shower and got fur stuck all over me as well. Yes, she escaped the shower several times because if I leaned back slightly, the doors would easily slide open and soapy, determined-to-escape dogs are very slippery.
I offer you a cute bunnycat video as a tiny reward: https://twitter.com/buitengebieden_/status/1466858580905279495?s=21
Thanks! Funny and cute!
Debbie B says
Dogs will shed for Fall like chickens Molt, preparing for a warmer coat/feathers, for Winter.
I basically imagined this as Kate doing this with her dog Grendel and Curran also laughing at Kate as Grendel makes his final escape out of the bathroom with Kate covered in dog hair. Though we never learned if Grendel was water averse so who knows lol.
Sookie has a kindred soul in my childhood dog Milou. He was an 18 pound bichon frisé and hated bath time too or just being wet in general. He had a what I always called a “Wicked Witch of the West” attitude when it came to water. Hated walking in the rain, gave puddles a wide berth etc. Bath time was just as awful. He typically went to the groomer’s as he didn’t shed and needed regular haircuts. It was always so embarrassing going to pick him up. Each time we’d go get him, we’d have to be silent as mice and not raise our voices or make ourselves visible from the backroom where they put the finished dogs waiting for their owners in locked crates. Because if he heard us or saw us, he’d start crying like a banshee and howl and yelp until an employee would give him to us. Very embarrassing to have your dog screaming his lungs off as you pay and wait for him to be returned to you like he’d been tortured for 3 hours. And he was all fluffy and cute and all clean but he was NOT happy about it.
But occasionally he got too dirty and I’d have to give Milou a bath at home in between grooming sessions. Luckily I could easily corral him and pick him up at 18 pounds and stick him in the bathtub and since he was a small dog I could control him. Eventually he’d put up with it but the worst was the hair dryer. He did not like it and liked to practice his vocal howling skills. Then he’d do dog zoomies all over the house once he was released. I miss that little fur ball, rip. 🙂
Natasha Johnson says
???????? oh the joys of bathing dogs! I died laughing at the werewolf analogy! We have a German shepherd so I have that look when his winter coat is coming off him!
Laughing hysterically and flashing back to the time my teenage brother and I washed our boxer half in and half out of the tub, because he would keep his head in the tub to try and eat soap, but then would not for love or money put his back half in. So we washed the front half, then one of us would hold the soap just out of the tub, rotate the dog, and wash the back half. Maybe hatred of baths is a jowled dog thing?
My lovely black lab cross sheds so much I refuse to bath her at home. Her hair gets all over the bathroom, it clogs the drain…there’s a lot of no. I understand you bathing the unwilling dog naked.
The first year of baths were something special, getting her in the bathroom and wrestling her into the tub. Discovering I forgot something and having her dive out of the tub, out of the bathroom and charging through the house regardless of the state of bathed she was in.
It took time but she’s a food motivated dog. Once baths were equated with threats and praise they became easier. I go to our local pet store now, their pet tubs are waist high and don’t hurt my back. I imagine if she was half as stubborn as your bulldog the pet store wouldn’t really be an option. But thankfully she hears bath and thinks threats now.
Good luck in all future bathing endeavors.
My weekend was spent kimchi making. You can find hints of the chili paste everywhere, on my clothes, on my instant pot, on the island, on the toe kick, and thankfully, also in the cabbage we were pickling,
Moderator R says
Kimchi is life! I want to try Maangchi’s recipe but I have a fear of my jars exploding during fermentation
Patricia Schlorke says
Are you using Mason jars or ceramic crocks that are made specifically for fermentation? I know when my dad’s parents were alive, they had crocks to make sauerkraut. I will admit the crocks stunk over time because even though you wash them out, the fermented liquid would get into the pores of the crock.
Carmalee Winebrinner says
Seconding crocks for fermentation, especially the water seal type. Go to rootsandharvest.com. They have a wonderful line of all sizes of water seal crocks for any kind of fermentation, from pickles to kraut and kimchi!
Thank you for this. Makes my weekend of gathering and bagging fallen leaves look a lot better.
I hurt because I have been laughing so at your post. What a vivid picture you paint.
The major event of my weekend was a bite by one of the shelter dogs where I volunteer. She was being returned by the woman who had adopted her earlier in the week who neglected to tell me that the dog was aggressive. I had the leash in hand as the woman was saying she wanted the dog collar back. A staff member approached from the side to change collars when the dog lunged at my hand. Definitely not a normal day at the shelter.
Moderator R says
I’m sorry Kathy, I hope it’s not very painful.
Sharon Fletcher says
That is hilarious. It would have been nice if Gordon had walked in a half hour early.
Oh my that was hilarious.
Cartwright Richard says
I had to bathe a cat who managed to roll around in attic insulation.
I decided that a groomer is far less expensive than an ER visit and blood transfusions.
Bill from NJ says
Not to mention cats remember transgressions………
Ooooph, that’s rough! Poor pup, poor werewolf Ilona! Anecdote: when I was a child, we adopted a dog who was the sweetest creature ever. Someone had trained her to have accidents / be sick in the bathroom. She actually would hop into the tub when she wasn’t feeling well. Clean up was so easy, and we loved her for it.
And then my dad decided to give her a bath in the tub.
Well! That was the end of her voluntarily entering the bathroom. And when she felt sick, she now ran to the rug in my parents room. A total sweetie, but she knew how to hold a grudge. Haha, love that dog, and your story.
Big Mike says
You swore in two languages? Why bother with English? My impression is that Russian cussing is the world’s most eloquent, and perfectly capable of stripping paint from the walls.
we get this channel on tv called TBD. it shows videos, i especially like the ones where the animals are calmly laying back in the tub while their people easily shampoo and massage them. i think it’s all fantasy myself.
Thank you for the huge laughs!
Bwahaha! Sorry, I lost it at „werewolf“! You made my day with that.
I have nothing that funny to report. Started my vacation time today, so I have now time for fun activities: dentist, let yellow warning icon on car display get checked out, finish taxes, get two IT certifications so our company does not lose its partner status (which I should not be doing during vacation time, but did not manage before due to being too busy).
So really, thank you for the laughs!
Lol thanks for that. I thought I have problems with my dog but yours takes the win ????
That’s a great visual and I am laughing my butt off as that’s basically what I felt like every time I had to wash and deflea the long haired cats. Back before the really nice flea meds it was a horror show to own a long haired anything in Texas. Anyway, I had to run the bath with nice warm water, making sure everything I needed was already present. Then grab a cat holding all four feet, close the bathroom door and plunk it into the water. Once I had all four feet wet, they gave up, which was my only saving grace.
Valerie in CA says
Martha Stewart recently said she bathes her Persian calico cats every week.
I’d like to see that. I’d maybe pay.
Just like I’d pay to see you bathe Sookie. Just not with all the human nakedness. No offense.
I need laughs in my life
Patricia Schlorke says
Anyone who bathes their cats every week needs full body armor. Either that or up to the elbows welder gloves. That what I always thought when I had my two cats.
They sell those gloves on Amazon.
I kid you not – “grooming gloves” – several different brands.
I had a mutt. My bathroom also had the shower and toilet in a room separate from the sinks. I would carry my dog into that little room and close the door. By that time, she realizes she’s getting a bath and the shaking commences. I’d start the water and order her in and she’d jump in (rather fatalistically, I thought). She was fine once she was in the shower and didn’t give me problems. She’d jump out enthusiastically and I’d dry her, including in her pads. As soon as I opened the door, though, she took off like she had the pole position at a NASCAR race, and then she’d slide all over the carpet like she was sliding into home plate and she was the winning running. Doesn’t matter how much I dried her, she did the zoom and slide over and over again. Admittedly, it was hilarious to watch.
I laughed so hard! That’s me alright! I also just shower with my dog. She’s a who-knows-what kind of dog but she has fur like a husky. When I finish washing her, there is hair everywhere. I usually get to toss her out of the shower and let Hubby dry her off though.
Gordon must pay. You should give serious thought as to how.
Ember gets baths in the tub. I told my husband before we got her he would be giving the baths. He agreed. So I don’t involve myself in that activity. ????
My friends and I went yarn shopping.
We had a 1ab/Irish setter cross who hated water. I was walking her and got pushed in a puddle so she wouldn’t get her feet wet. But, she would willingly let my mom vacuum her to get rid of loose fur.
“I swear in two languages” 😀 😀 😀
I started a new save for Satisfactory because of update 5. Fixcmas started and I have been chasing presents falling from the sky. (I missed it last year) Thanks for Fated Blades, I enjoyed it.
There should be a blog dedicated to Sookie’s adventures.
I discovered the wonder of showering my dogs when I lived with my parents. There I had a standing shower with a sliding door (important). I moved in with my sister a few years later and also had a standing shower but this time with a swing door. It turns out my basset/beagle mix figured out (or lucked upon) the fact that if she put her front feet on the door it magically opened. It wasn’t a large stall to begin with but then I had to wrangle a wet, shedding basset hound while naked and trying not to slip and kill myself. My other dog would be sitting outside looking at me like “see, I don’t do that do I?”.
Melissa G says
Laughing hysterically because I never thought of looking like a werewolf with all the hair stuck to me. I have 2 golden retrievers and a black lab. None of them like being bathed but will jump in pond any chance they get. I also bathe them naked as I need a full shower afterwards for all the hair. Now I’m going to think werewolf the next time I do it. Thanks for the visual!
Bill From NJ says
OMG that description of you chasing Sookie,the orc like creature being chased by a werewolf in mid change is now burned ony brain. Reminds me of when I was housitting for an of mine and his huge Malinois decided to play with a white striped cat..he weighed like 130 lbs,all muscle. Worse I was trying the tomato Juice method ( was a teenager back then) and I swear he was drinking it as fast as I could pour it.
Lora Tyler says
Sounds like amazing fun! Lol. I have a dog that isn’t crazy about a bath either. Thanks so much for sharing. Laughing in sympathy and solidarity.
Sara B. says
When I saw how much our Gretchen was going to weigh (40 to 60lb as she aged and got too many treats), I trained her to climb into the tub on command. She would do it, but it went like this:
“Jump in the tub!”; sad eyed look; “Jump in the tub!”; one paw on the edge of the tub, and sidelong sad-eye look; “Jump in the tub!”; two paws on edge of tub, with sidelong sad-eye look asking if I really meant it; “Jump in the Tub!” two paws; down in the tub, back half still on the floor; and so it would go. After she was eventually in, it went well (still lots of sad eyes), and the hand-held shower spray made it much easier than my old method of dipping a cool-whip container into the bathwater and drenching the dog by the dipper-full.
And then the “all done” shake … contest to see if I could get the shower curtain pulled across to protect me and the rest of the bathroom before she could shake water and dog fur everywhere. And then she got to carry the towel all over the house like the trophy that it was ….
PS, when anyone asked us “what” our Gretchen was, we just answered “she was free”. 🙂
So no help from Gordon except for his laughing contribution?
However, we’ve been there and similar experiences.
Inga Abel says
All the way through your shower description I was so glad, that it wasn‘t me! I fell down on the steps last week and sprained my left ankle! Now the slithery shower is a hazard on its own – even without a wet 80-pound dog!!!
Respect for bullying Sookie through the experience ????????!
Greets from Switzerland
“I swear in two languages.” Bahahaha!!!! My weekend was not as exciting as yours! 🙂
Will we be seeing that experience in a book some day? Such a great description! Ace got backyard hose baths in summer after playing in the canal with my son; I can’t swim. I’ve never bathed a cat either. They get a good brushing and a good wipe down with a wrung-out wash rag if necessary; evidently I’ve been really lucky for the past 60 years. Thank God no skunk sprays but poor Ace did get porcupine quills in her nose, twice. Evidently it took two tries before she figured out what caused it and quit trying to be “friends.”
I saw some comments on Fated Blades yesterday. Everyone loved the book but it was to short. Two people complained about the cover as they did not like his fist going towards her face, obviously totally missed the shield he was holding in his hand. You will be happy to hear that at least two people jumped in and cleared that up. I suggested she check out the blog and said the book is a novella which is actually longer than normal and, of course, what the next book will be about and wondering when Iron #2 will appear. I seldom come across that stuff so it was interesting to read.
Thank You for sharing.
I love your writing
fantasy, sci-fi or the prose of life
I was so incredibly thankful when a do it yourself car wash near our house converted one of the stalls into a dog wash station with a walk in tub, hip high, that will even hold big dogs. With an Akita and a Cane Corso, each around 100 pounds, the sheer volume of shed fur would irrevocably clog a shower drain. The Akita doesn’t love the bath, but she primps and poses like crazy when the blow dryer fluffs all her fur out. The Cane Corso, who’s very senior at 12 years old, bears it all with stoic dignity and the occasional sad eyes.
Ona Jo-Ellan Bass says
That is a super cool idea!
Oh my! Let me tell you sometime about autism and extreme reaction to bathing – I feel your pain deeply. Cheers!
You love your dogs.
Thank you for the laugh.
Thank you for the laugh, our week end started really nicely with nice picks from the thrift store but ended very bad with the loss of precious Christmas ornament
(nativity creche made by my husband’s grandfather, wooden advent calendar, and many delicate German wooden ornament) water infiltrated the box during reno last month.
My first dog was like that – the moment he was full of soap he tried to run for it. One christmas my mother opened the bathroom door at exactly the wrong time… so plump werewolf chased speedmonster soapdog around the house and he managed to roll all over the sofa before I was able to pull the slippery soapdog back in the shower… So I highly sympatise with the struggle.
Sara T says
My 18 month old puppy thinks baths are evil. Also sprinklers. We have to goin a big semi circle around sprinklers if any are on during our walks.
Sara B. says
My grandmother’s boxer was such a pretty dog that the breeders asked if they could show her. Gave great pleasure to my grandmother and grandfather to take their lawn chairs to a show and watch their Cammie (Camille) being shown. But she hated rain. So my job was to put on a bathing suit and walk/jog her through the sprinklers a couple of days a week until she stopped acting as if she would melt if a drop of water hit her coat.
Sara T says
I should try that sometime!
Oliver still wants the number of the bulldozer that wrecked him.
Ona Jo-Ellan Bass says
Thank you for a good laugh! What would we do without our old doggies? They have their ways, but they truly age like fine wine — stubborn selective hearing and all.
I need to ask my friend who has a Nova Scotian Duck-Tolling(?) Retriever how the dog does with baths. The breed loves to swim, so I’m curious if they like baths, too, or don’t consider that swimming, even if water is involved.
Melissa G says
I have 3 duck dogs…2 Golden Retrievers and a black Lab. All 3 hate baths but get them near a pond and they are in them in a flash. Go figure!
Hahaha! Thanks for the wonderful description that absolutely brightened my day. I’ve had similar experiences with my 36lb blue heeler mix (that can squirm out of the best of holds). I can’t imagine trying to corral your Sookie. But, I now have a perfect image in my mind of you doing it that I have a feeling will pop into my brain every time I have to bathe my pup. Oh, and I hope Sookie gave Gordon a nice little shake shower of fur for laughing! ????
That is just awesome story. I swear I want a special shower just for the dogs. Mine always blow their coats in the winter for some reason.
Twice a year. Mine is just finishing her winter one. I’ve been waiting until she’s done for her bath. It’s basically the same technique Ilona uses, only it’s a lot easier with a 44lb dog. Probably will do it tomorrow morning, as she has a small foster brother arriving later tomorrow.
Heather McHugh says
???????? I’m sorry but that is hilarious. Thank you for sharing
Well, let’s see. It is freezing cold where I am, the cat is staging an insurrection because she can’t (read: won’t) go outside so she is puking every couple of days on the carpet. Frantic phone call to the vet ensues and our long time vet tells me to relax since she is behaving perfectly normally in every other way. Then I head to the mall where there is no where to park without a magic wand – and every single store has a line up outside.
This is my weekend.
Yaa, someone knows exactly how long to avoid a situation to not have to help out with the craziness. This is a perfected significant other talent.
I have a little white foo foo dog (cocker, poodle??) 25 lbs who gets done in the sink.Because he is white he gets filthy really fast. As soon as I get a towel from the laundry room and set it on the kitchen counter he disappears. I plan ahead sometimes it takes an hour or more before he thinks I gave up. Then I catch him.
Our 15yr old Australian Shepherd had doggie dementia. And yes, much like seniors with dementia, everything was about food. When’s the next meal? Is it food time yet? Is that Chinese Checkers set my next meal? Don’t you dare take away my food!
And chomp! The first time she ever bit me was when I was trying to save her from choking on marbles.
The similarities to humans was something else…. (I worked at independent & assisted living communities)
I don’t bathe my poodle beast. If I did, I would have to muzzle her. Her groomer is a Saint of the highest order and just laughs and says she is a sassy girl. A Saint, I tell you.
My late fur baby was a Chow/Rott/Beagle/WhateverElseThereIsInMyArea mix. She got the chow fur. Bathing her was an … experience. And she was 50lbs of GetMeOutOfHere with claws that rivaled Freddy Krueger.
On her last birthday, though, it was the weirdest thing. I was the one in the shower, and I (being home alone) left the bathroom door open so that she could be near me (she was already feeling her 14 years and being extra clingy). Well, this dog who DESPISED baths decided to try and climb into the shower WITH ME. lol
Sometimes when they get older they realize they need help grooming. My Baby-Cat (official title) Duncan HATED baths when he was spry. But when he hit 15 he couldn’t groom himself well anymore so I had to increasingly bath and clean him and clip his claws and he was just so patient and sweet about it. I really think he just understood mommy was taking care of him. Maybe your kiddo realized that you could help her?
hahahahaha…thank you SO MUCH for the laugh!!
Kat M. says
In the back of my head, I’m hearing Snoop Doggn singing “Awwww Sookie” in his sexy voice as the accompaniment to this scene ????
I own a 7-lb rescue chihuahua and I bathe him in the bathroom sink. After the 80-lb pibble, I’m sticking with portable dogs from now on.
Barbara Erwin says
Oh my! Sounds like bathing our Karelian Bear Dogs! Fur everywhere! My weekend was interesting. My family has moved to Germany and I joined them Saturday with my oldest son and three dogs. We drove from Alaska to Texas and then flew from Houston. Kind of crazy but there was method in the madness. Everyone is adjusting nicely.
Brian C. says
LOL, I had a ninety pound American Akita that hated water.
I can’t swear in two languages but I am most familiar with the trials of bathing a chonky, non-compliant canine. Good times they are not.
Oh, my! You are a brave woman indeed.
Bill G says
My weekend did not involve bulldog wrestling, thank you.
???? It’s bathtime for sookie dog/
The tub is filled with water /
She gets ready for the slaughter/
With her banj – o – o – o /
And she s – i – i – i – i – ngs: ????
(“It’s bathtime for Nanny Og”)
pat roos says
that’s a great great post! thank you!
Andrea Smith says
Ilona should have given Gordon a hairy hug.
Brave woman giving a pet a bath naked. Lol! So much of me has been scratched up clothed bathing a per, it’s hard to image vulnerable bits not covered . What a woman, werewolf woman ????
Poor Ilona and Poor Susie. Our Pug hated baths, which he would get in the wash tub. I would sneak around getting everything ready, and then my Mom would tell him, “she’s going to give you a bath, better hide” and the dog would run under the dining room table so I would have to crawl under to nab him.
Jessie West says
Oh, what a baby. Pets, gotta love ’em, huh? It’s even less fun to bathe the cats…
I feel your (at the time) pain and relate to the post-pain humor. We had a Dalmatian who was blissfully dumb. He thought baths were a sign we no longer loved him-you never saw a more mournful face! Dalmatian fur is barbed on the end and once it embeds, it never comes out. A towel was good for 2 showers then had to be replaced.
Donna A says
My Welsh border collie swam like a duck. I’d chuck his ball in the lake, he’d swim out to fetch it then swim a random route back being nosey at passing ducks, floating weeds, invisible naiads. He loved passing through every conceivable puddle, no matter how small and ran joyfully up and down in long sploshy ones. He enjoyed rainy days. But bath time was obviously me dipping him in poison. Stiff legged, scrambling out the tub whenever I loosened my grip, shaking water everywhere. And then drying. Towels are all very well after walkies but not after bathing. The only reasonable way to get dry then is to wriggle out of the towels, nudge through the door and run like a lunatic up and down the hall before leaping into the middle of my bed to dry himself!
Conversely my brother now has a French bulldog. He loathes the lightest drizzle, daintily sidesteps minuscule wet patches on the pavement and wouldn’t dream of swimming. However he enjoys a relaxing bath and willingly climbs the tub into the water!
Bathing the shepherd/collie mix entailed my mom and either my sister or me putting on my brothers’ outgrown ski parkas as armor. Poor boy, he hated being washed.
The terrier mix loved baths. Always cooperative and usually cheerful. Once, my sister used conditioner on her after a bath and she was as fluffy as a puffed-out dandelion. She was a dainty princess for a couple of days!
My weekend was lots of laundry….but it needed to be done.
Cheryl M says
Ha! the husbeast and I had a good chuckle. Try this with a 110 pound Belgian Groenendael. I let the husbeast deal with him. They are always blowing coat, as did the Golden (they like water until it’s bath time) and the Lab/German Shorthair. Blew coat everywhere.
Otherwise a grand weekend. No doggy baths.
Deborah Majo says
I have a 16 year old Yorkie. The Vet is recommending doggie dementia meds.
This weekend I got my tree (the second time I’ve ever had one, cause small apartments). Lady Riza Softpaws of house Floof, first of her name, certified Soot Sprite and Portent of Doom, spent the day watching it for suspicious activity and occasionally shouting “DOOOOOM!” from a shadowy corner of the living room.
I graded finals and watched her to ensure no shenanigans could ensue.
Lady Riza sounds delightful.
My weekend consisted of working Saturday with Christmas trees and wreaths and my Sunday recovering from it.
I’m allergic to the balsam trees and cedar that were in the wreaths. I’m still popping benadryl every 4-6 hours so I can breathe though my nose 🙁
OMG, I laughed so hard! Having dealt with brindle Mastiffs who decide to blow all their coat the second they hit the bathtub, I can so totally relate – glad you all survived
Sounds like horses are easier than bulldogs… lol… my weekend was spent mostly at the barn. ???? Sookie is so cute in the pictures! You’d never know she would be uncooperative lol
I have a cat like that. Big and slow, or maybe I’m slow and the cat has me fooled? ????
I cant stop laughing.
Fear can make animals shed more, so you may have had that happening too.
Look at the bright side at least you weren’t a mid change werewolf running through the house naked, when one of your kids boyfriends was in the house.
I also live in Central Texas, where the weather is mild enough skunks are out year round. So far, my 18 year old hairy 70 pound Australian shepherd/chow mix, being ever so optimistic, will not give up the idea that these fluffy black and white kitties will be her friend. Always after 8 p.m.
Lou Ann Vitolo says
It will be months before I stop laughing at this story!!!! I can relate a bit because my daughter has a bulldog named Goliath and she goes through the same thing lol!
LOL very funny!
My pittie didn’t like baths so she would get as far in the corner as she could and heroically endure it. She LOVED being towel dried though and her favorite treat afterwards
We bought this house partly because it had a downstairs shower and we had a springer whose idea of heaven was rolling in rotting animals or failing that fox or badger excrement. Moved in joyfully anticipating not having to wrangle a stinky dog through the house and upstairs to the bathroom … the shower didn’t work. Not only did it not work no one could work out why it didn’t work. Ten years later we finally got through all of the other things that needed to be done first and now have a downstairs shower big enough to wash the large long-haired German Shepherd, who is our current dog. He is pretty good in the shower, just stands there and lets you soak him, the only bit he objects to is having his feet dried.
Lee Anne says
Lol, that was wonderfully told though I’m sure it wasn’t nearly as entertaining while in process. Thank you for the big chuckles.
I have sported the werewolf look bathing my dogs before. German Shepherds shed like it is their job. I loved the ‘swear in two languages” … been there too. Sometimes one language isn’t enough.
There are days, and this is one of them, I would like a blissfully dim brain. Sometimes I think it would just be easier. And I would be happier.
Which of your dogs was Grendel based on?
Moderator R says
Grendel was made up ????
Why I love your blog.
My sister had a rottweiler that hated pools or ponds but loved baths. You say something about anything being stinky and she would run to the bathtub and refuse to get out until you gave her a bath.
I’m sorry I’m laughing at your expense. Just so funny. I gave my 12 yr old maltese-mix a bath this weekend. She loves baths. Seriously. It’s the doggy equivalent of mommy-and-me time. I’m one of the lucky ones. So lucky.
Alison Battersby says
This made me laugh! I had to show it to my mom! She has an elderly scaredy/anxious shepherd mix that if you even pick up the brush or heaven forbid the hail grinder or clippers she runs away. You could be sitting on the couch 20’ away from her reach over towards it with out even getting up and zoom away she goes! The part about the hair was great, many of our dogs growing up had long hair. From spaniel mixes to a chow mix to Great Danes to an Old English Sheep dog. One time the OES, who used to be a show dog with her previous owners and was dumb as a door nail, got a bath proceeded to escape outside and roll in the dirt. Of course she had another bath and some how, magically got out again!
Companion animals, animals in general, are the most wonderful beings on the earth. When you love yours it is very obvious in how you treat them and especially how you talk about them. It is very obvious you love yours and encourage them to be themselves with their own unique personalities, a true friend to them.
I think I’ll stick with my indoor cats…. I have had many over the years, including 5 at the moment (two of whom are currently occupying my lap and were NOT amused at my snorting laughter over the shower scene). Only times I’ve had to bath a cat were when my big fluffy long haired guy ate something that didn’t agree. Yes… it was quite nasty…after it happened a couple times I purchased a grooming shaver and we now have regular “sanitary shaves.” That and a change of diet and things are much better all round for all involved. He is a gentleman (mostly) either way. And other than that, no animal bathing necessary in this household!
Karie L Bossa says
I also had a brindled olde English bulldogge. He hated bath time, but absolutely loved to run around the house after his bath, and rub himself on any cloth surface he could, so I always had bath towels strategically placed. He was the best boy ever, even if he was the definition of stubborn.
Tedy Bruschi jersey? ☺
Karie L Bossa says
Yes, I’m from Massachusetts.
Lol, love mid changed werewolf comment. Needed that laugh, thank you
Thanks for the belly laugh!!
My black lab/great dane puppy is 8 months old. She can now reach everything in the kitchen and generally gets underfoot whenever you are trying to cook. I bought an extra tall pet gate with cat door from Amazon and can’t wait for it to get here.
Hoping this works
My sister has an older English bulldog/husky mix and, god love her, she is dumb as a post (she’s adorable and good matured, so I guess the genetic lottery didn’t need to throw brains in there). She can learn things, but only at her speed and only with many many many repititions.
So, avooding baths, digging for mice, being a Jack Russell’s henchman, all easy lessons (seriously, she did $40K worth of yard damage because the terrier told her to). “Don’t jump on the person who weighs the same as you” and “Don’t get in the car with strangers” are met with the blank stare of “I am dog.”
Oh, my. That sounds eventful!
My weekend itself was quite good, with a good friend visiting me, but I had a bit of an adventure getting to the airport to pick them up. I was working on very little sleep, and I’d been sipping coffee all afternoon (which was probably a mistake), and then I missed my metro stop. I should have just gone back two stops and continued on my way, but Google said it would be quicker to walk 700 feet to a metro stop on a different line and continue that way. Well, I spent 10 or 15 minutes half-panicked attempting to follow that stupid blue dot to the new stop, and every time I thought I was going in the right direction I’d look at the map again and discover that no, I was going in yet another wrong direction. I’m pretty good at reading maps, but it was dark and the map kept giving me landmarks like Dunkin’ Donuts instead of street names. Dunkin’ Donuts are not few and far between in the city.
That was great. Thank you for sharing that story, not just an adventure in logistics/chess with pets. But hilariously delivered to the BDH
I shouldnt be laughing, but that is funny. We have the same drama with our dog. Except I’m lucky that she is only 12 lbs. However she is nimble and quick, so it takes two of us for a bath. She has jumped right out of the tub before we learned we need one person to hold the other to clean. She absolutely hates the dryer so much of the day after is spent towel drying her, which she loves because it means she is being held and essentially petted until she is dry.
I feel you on the werewolf look though. Our girl is a rescue and we think she is Shiba Inu, Chihuahua and maybe Corgi. But her under coat just constantly sheds. Baths and brushing get hair everywhere.
???? I totally thought we were going to get a howling sookie from somewhere in the house and a walk to find her getting rinsed in the bathroom. This was sooooo much better ????. Wet orc dog and plump female werewolf midshift perfectly describes how I too look after giving one of my big dogs a shower.
Sookie is the best!!! I totally loved her shenanigans!!
Thank you for giving me a hearty laugh! ????????
Thank you for this. I too bathe my dogs in shower as described but never had an experience quite as funny as this. I laughed out loud at this and probably enjoyed it much more than you. The things we do for our pets!
???? I’ve had three Goldens, all who’ve loved fetching in lakes and streams, but turned into shivering messes and jailbreakers every time we bathed them. Showering sounds like a great plan, though we’d be full golden werewolves after that with all their hair! We finally got a large galvanized tub and washed them outside…
So Gordon will be responsible for the next bath?!
We have an eight month old German Shepherd pup who loves the bath when it isn’t hers! Last Monday said dog barreled through me on the steps because apparently I don’t move fast enough at breakfast time. She managed to knock me down hard enough to where I broke my ankle in 3 places. Surgery this Monday and now my husband is responsible for all things dog related. As of today she still hasn’t apologized.
Tana Reeve says
I’m sorry as I am sure this was an unpleasant experience for you … but I laughed so hard as I was reading this that I had tears running down my cheeks (my former dog DESPISED baths and always tried to escape the tub, so I understand the difficulties involved)! Thank you so much for the laugh.
Oh that was wonderful!!!!!! I thank you for the beautifully descriptive way in which you showed us the exact circle of events from beginning to end. Our pooch has only been gone 2 years but I remember the planning stage so well . Getting everything prepared & then ‘oh so casually’ calling him into the bathroom as if it was an everyday thing & then quickly shutting the door before he could make his get away lol. He was small but he was mighty!! His fur was thick & when he shook the water off – stand by to get wet.
Dawn Shreves says
BAHAHAHA! So much BAHAHAHA!!!
I think this event is on par with any of the climactic battles of a HA book.
Erika Gill says
I can relate, unfortunately. My 100lb German Shepherd, Matrix, is blowing his coat and there are golf ball sized chunks of fur falling off of his butt. My Dyson V8 animal vacuum can’t do more than 4 square inches of my nice 8×10 rug (that he loves to roll on) without having the canister emptied. I used the dog rake on him last week and got a pile of fur almost as big as he is. I sweep every day but the fur sticks to the fake wood texture of my floors. There are at least eight tumbleweeds in every corner. It’s in everything. I drink at least 3 hairs with each cup of tea.
Unfortunately the shower in my new apartment is one of those shitty fiberglass tubs that is too shallow to take a comfortable bath but still requires me to lift him into it. It’s also very difficult to get him into the bathroom and trap him – I mean…close the door because the bath and toilet are right next to each other and there is barely room for your knees when you sit down to close the door. Also he screams bloody murder when I pick him up, but thankfully goes into that stiff scared goat shape and doesn’t struggle much until his paws hit the water. Then the whine crying begins.
Ironically he loves splashing through puddles, glacial streams and mountain lakes at any time of the year.
Kat in NJ says
Oh goodness, the memories this brings back! My first dog was a stray, the runt of the litter, who I got when he was 4 weeks old. He was (we think) part golden(outgoing, funny, sweet personality and some of his looks), part shepherd (protective of me, had a shepherd’s coat, and was a ringer for a shepherd as a puppy)and part giraffe(VERY tall!) He grew up to be 103 pounds and almost 5 feet tall when standing on his hind legs, and LOVED water….but thought baths were great fun! Sigh…….. What I would give to have that big goofball here again! ????
What brand of conditioner do you use and how often do you use it? I live in Lubbock, TX and my dogs have the same problem with itchy skin and allergies, just like their people. I’ve tried the oatmeal shampoo but haven’t seen an oatmeal conditioner.
Moderator R says
It’s the Earthbath Oatmeal and Aloe conditioner https://tinyurl.com/yzapf7xc
Hope this helps :)!
I don’t have a dog, but I do have a cat.
Also quite old (12 and a half years old, that translate in 66 years old for us dumb humans), he now has diabete and another complicated sickness to further the conundrum. It’s called acromegalie, and causes tons of little complications to add to the main one : insulin resistance.
Yes, because it isn’t already a chore and a half to take his glycemy and inject him twice a day…
I present to you my cat-routine, each day, every day :
9:00 : taking his glycemy (by pocking the inside of his ear with a needle to collect a drop of blood… joy), doctoring is ration and helping him eat it during half an hour, then it’s the cachet that I put in the back of his mouth (with my poor fingers) and finally the injection.
12:00 : snack time… with help again
18:00 : 3 others medications plant based to make him swallow, plus 2 drops of another… here he is allowed to have some kibbles to thank him for not chewing my fingers too much (and even if he does…)
21:00 : again with the bleeding, eating, chewing (my poor poor finger), and injecting.
And finally midnight for the snack.
And that’s when all goes well…
Yep, we *really* love them. ????????????
Forgot the pic
My weekend went about as well. My horse stepped on my foot, and I missed my hair apt because I was waiting on x-rays (it’s a little broken. Enough to hurt and need some support, but not enough to require a cast). They were very undertanding and rescheduled me to a few days later. I was originally going to take my lunch break for the new apt, but I woke up to a message that my horse hadn’t eaten his breakfast and he was coughing on his way out to the pasture. So instead I end up having take time off work to go check on the horse, who was fine, and also get to my hair apt.
Dang animals! 😀
Ha, ha, ha, the struggle is real!!!
Our German sheperd loves water as long as it’s a lake or the sea or, ever better, muddy water but he hates showers – ‘must be the shampoo 😀
But that face! How can you resist that adorable face?!?
Yes, I was laughing hysterically when I got to the orc and werewolf part and to explain to my son why tears were running down my face.
We gave our shepherds a bath this weekend and were similarly covered in fur :>
We live in S. Florida and it finally has become a little cooler. I think the weather here confuses their bodies completely because they shed like there’s no tomorrow when it gets cooler rather than when it’s broiling. Who knows. But they are clean and appreciate the bath and TLC so it’s all good. LOVED Fated Blades by the way! Had to wait an extra week to read it because Amazon screwed up my account but it was a great read and well worth the wait. Go House Andrews!
Ms. Kim says
Nikki Fletcher says
Beautifully described! As a mother of two labradors that only like dirty or stagnant water, I feel your pain!
Deborah Roill says
OMG ????????????????I needed that my life has been crappy this past weekend but I laughed tears hooray thank you.
I laughed. I laughed so hard. Thank you for that, I needed it desperately
More boring than yours ???? I watched the 2 seasons of Dr. Stone, and then finished all the manga, now waiting for a new chapter
Roxanne Montgomery says
ROFLMAO You’re hilarious!
ROFL! I needed this laugh, so thank you very much.
Ano…my weekend was uneventful. I’ve stopped thinking I’m capable of giving my pooch a bath after she destroyed the master bath the one time I tried.
Now we just let Petco take care of it. It’s cheaper in the long run.
Jean Morgan says
LOVE it! Your description of the event is priceless, I laughed so hard. I had an English Golden Retriever and they shed year around and yes, the werewolf description is an apt one. Thanks so much.
My weekend was okay but my Monday: It rained in the living room of my house as the innards of the upstairs toilet broke and jammed the overflow. Yay, escape of water. Bye bye money for a same day plumber to come fix it so I could have water in the house again. Now waiting in a humid tropical house for the dry out with a severe wind & rain storm outside. Thankfully I have a dehumidifier. But this morning I woke out of deep sleep at my BFs house in shear panic to running water in another room. He was just running a bath but I couldn’t relax until the tub was full and he shut it off. Ugh. Stress.
Moderator R says
I’m so sorry Kimberly, hope evaporation does it’s job soon!
Thanks. It’s looking like there will only be a stain on the ceiling to paint over with special paint. I’ll give it a little longer just to make sure.
My Remy is a long haired floof . Since I am disabled he sees a groomer. His regular has some family issues and could not see him and he went somewhere else. It was not good. He currently looks like a homeless dog. At least he doesn’t stink much. Good news he has an appointment with his usual groomer on Saturday.
Thank you for the laughs. I too shower bathe my German Shepherd and identified with your experience but couldn’t ever have described it so amusingly. You are an amazingly talented writer. While on the subject of dogs, I would like to know how Quincy went from “Velociraptor “ to model citizen. I ask because my weekend was dealing with my two seven month old puppies.
Quincy is a rescue who was taken from a very difficult situation. He was kept outside, he drank bad water and ate bad food, and he had so many parasites, that the vet stated they had never seen that many in one dog. His velociraptor tendencies were born of two things: age and fear. He was extremely hyper, he had no idea how to channel his excitement, and he still doesn’t always, although now it take him 15 minutes to calm down rather than several hours. This will also improve with age. His fear mostly manifested in hiding. Like you would tell him to sit and he would react to it by crawling under the table. But he is still a GSD, so he is very, very smart and he had Artha as a pack leader. She made him feel safer and eventually he started mimicking her behavior.
Your puppies will calm down. Give them time. 🙂
Terri Currington says
OMG! I am NOT alone. I have an 11-year old Lab/Shepherd mix who hates water (Lab?!) and resists her bath with the immoveable weight of her 75 pound body. We bathe outside with the water hose (in Texas in summer that’s plenty warm). I end up muddy, sweaty and angry. She ends up somewhat clean and then rolls in the dirt. I tried to shower her in the bathroom–once–and nearly got a broken leg.
I am SO glad I am not the only dog owner who struggles with this. She is wonderful and well behaved until I am holding the hose–then she becomes an absolute rebel, capable of hiding in places too small for a squirrel, and harder to push than a truck stuck in mud.
Cheers to you, and never mind who’s laughing–next time, THEY can help hold/carry!
I remember those days…we used to have a 50 lb Jindo who thought water was his mortal enemy. We ended up giving him towel baths and had to make sure he was fully dry before letting him in the backyard, else he would roll around in the dirt to dry himself off.
This weekend, I took the last of the pomegranates from the tree and made pom jelly. Canning for the first time. Not as scary as I thought it would be.
Girl, I have a Shih Tzu that is the exact same. She’s cute, but dumb as a rock. Well, she is 10 yrs old, so she’s entitled to be a little senile. ????????
Neelam Kukreja says
Atleast Sookie returns to the bathroom with leash/firm voice combo. My dog hears the words chalo nahane (let’s bath in Hindi) and hides below the sofa which has a 25 cm height and it becomes physically impossible to pick him up too.
He will then remain alert for the rest of the day and hides at the smallest things.
So we generally (next day) pretend everything is normal and when he passes from in front of the bathroom, we will push him inside and close the door. Phew. After that he’ll cry and give you sad eyes.
Angela M says
It sounds hilariously like a version of what my black lab puts me through. We’re supposed to bathe him weekly because he has allergies but apparently the idiot forgot he’s a water dog with webbed paws. He lies down and whines until we have to carry or drag 80 lbs of stinky dog to the shower. Then he presses up against the glass door the enter time acting like we’re bathing him in acid. Finally he has to be wrangled into the towel because he doesn’t trust us anymore and runs the second he can to shake and lick the nasty good smell off himself.
Kelly M says
I am laughing so hard at this!
Hand to hand combat with a bulldog! So funny–cause it is NOT ME.
Rene Jensen says
When I die I want t be reincarnated as one of your family’s pets.
Donna Parrish says
My white English/Pitt Bulldog got her bath too.
She walked in the bathroom. Released it was a SET UP…
Runs and crawls under the bed…Still don’t see how she gets her 80 lb fat ass and shoulders under there.
I have to get down(OUCH) And poke her …and order her out.
The leash is found.she follows and gets in the tub.
She sulks..but not too much..cause Momma says..
Poppy. We can always go Outside and use the waterhose…COLD WATER ONLY.
I close the curtain. Ok Poppy…Shake off.
Nope..Shake Off..and Quit talking shit…
Growl growl…whine…bark.. growl…
Poppy .Shake Off now..
Finally shakes off….
See. All that bitching..Should have just done it…Of course…like all furry children….
They just want the last word…..
Out of the bathroom…Poppy runs to her sister….Growl…growl….nudges Jazmine(Australian heeler/shepard mix)…Ooh..Your turn….
CJ Smith says
Lol, I had the opposite problem – needing a shower after taking care of a dog. I used to petsit a newfoundland who drooled so much that his owners left me a raincoat to wear when I got out of my car in my work clothes. They had lots of land and he loved to roam. Didn’t matter if it rained or snowed he loved being outside. He was a happy drooly dog. You could find him by flowing the slime trail.
The last time I tried to give my older husky a bath I was left with claw marks on my back and a mild case of PTSD.
Now I give her a dose of prescribed doggie downers, and drop her off at the vet. Because neither one of use needs that kind of trauma.
Kathleen L Kaufmann says
Having done a stint of dog grooming in my youth, I have much sympathy and my back remembers hauling an 80# basset hound to waist level to put him in a tub and getting that soulful sad “why are you abusing me this way” look…
ROFL! My weekend was filled with the anxiety of embarking on our first major pool remodel in which I am acting as the general contractor. Me. Personally. The first to contractors worked out great. The water feature guys are coming tomorrow to install real rocks where the fake rocks and waterfall used to be. Then I have to get CDC Pools out to restore the pavers and tiles, and good to go.
I had a golden retriever/labrador retriever mix who LOVED water. the first time i took a bath i left the door unlatched and he nudged his way in. he sniffed the water, licked the water, and then jumped right in on top of me! he had a grand old time while i was trying to push his big ass off me. this is how i learned he would voluntarily get into the tub filled with water. he wasnt so voluntary about showers and detachable sprayer heads though.
my current dog has to be leashed to the wall to prevent escape. (my soap dish has a loop for a washcloth so i tie the leash to that). you could try googling for suction cup bathing tethers, see if maybe two of them together would hold your dog?
Liz K says
Oh my days !!! Cannot stop laughing at this paragraph
“If you happened to have opened the door at that moment, you would have seen a wet orc-looking dog running for her life and a plump female werewolf midway through a shape change chasing her, screaming incoherently.”
I have been in a slump for a couple of weeks due to sad news relating to family health. Apparently I have also been very grumpy. This cheered me up!
Sookie is my spirit animal! Instead of oatmeal shampoo externally, I take oatmeal stout internally. Otherwise, life is a constant struggle against society’s expectations. You Go Girl!
Laughing so hard right now ????????????! That made my day, thank you ????????????
Sookie is definitely “adogable”! Hmmmm, for a blissfully dim witted old pooch she sure gave you the run around…yup, not at all clever as you. All a bit hairy wouldn’t you say! ????